Thunder and Hail

by Trixie_L

5

Clouds had begun to roll in by the time we finally reached the edge of Ponyville. The overcast sky threatened rain if we stayed out much longer, and I was already feeling bad enough—it had been a day of shock, anger, fear, and disappointment—who needed being stuck in the rain?

“Uhm, big sister?” Silver Spoon looked at me expectantly. I still didn't know how to respond to the filly. I still didn't feel ready to accept that I had a sister. I wished I could teleport far away. “I should tell you something,” she said as she started to rummage through her bag.

“What is it, Spoon?” I waited patiently, not knowing what to expect. I gasped as she slowly withdrew the metal cube from her bag, holding it up for me to see. That sneaky filly! She'd sent us on a pointless, and dangerous errand. I was too exhausted to be angry at the little pony. She had only wanted a sister, somepony to share a special bond with. Maybe she'd known my intentions—that if I left her behind at the house we never would have seen one another again.

“I know it was important to you, and I know where dad keeps your mom's collection. Here.” Spoon extended her hoof towards me. I fought back tears as I reached for the cube. “Uhm.” She looked at me with wide eyes.

“Y-Yes, Silver Spoon?” I managed to choke out.

“You won't really be staying away from Ponyville, will you?”

“No, Silver Spoon. I'll be back, soon, to perform.” I looked at Spoon, then down at the cube. “And to see my little sister.”

That night it rained, and I told my sister the story of the sorcerers responsible for the thunder, and the hail.

Author's Note:

This story is lacking in certain areas, and the ending was slightly rushed. The story was written for a contest, and the deadline snuck up on me faster than I thought it would. I apologize for the brevity of the last chapter, but I hope you enjoyed the story!

Comments

[Cheer]

You've already heard what I had to say about this story but I'll say what I can remember once again.

You gave good substance to the story, you didn't just say, "Hey this is her folks! That's that." You explained her well as to why she acted how she did.

On to my nit pick. SS seems a little OOC with how subdued she seemed. Her trick worked well though to fit her character. Now I'm just basing this off of how she has been shown therefore I have no way to know how she would act around family and the like. Overall I did like this.

I would also like to say that I would like to see a continuation of this of a day of Trixie and SS together about town. I think it could be quite adorable.

That's my piece. Later.

-YBG

and if you havn't figured it out by now.

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[ponypebble]

I enjoyed this! This is a great backstory for Trixie, you've certainly given her a more complex and interesting character than we see in the show. There were times where things were rushed, though, places where a little more backstory could have helped tons. I understand you had a deadline. So maybe you could add onto it later, or have some sort of continuation?

[Trixie_L]

2393075
I might indeed add more at some point. Glad you enjoyed it!

[ServingSpoon]

Trixie was a little OOC in the fact that she just accepted that Silver Spoon duped her into spending time with her. I mean she held a grudge against Twilight just for saving the town when she could not herself.

Now perhaps she admires the fillie's cunning and the fact that Silver's plan worked despite Trixie doing her hardest to hate Silver. But as you said, the last chapter was rather rushed whereas the chapters before where highly detailed an well planned out.

also her hatred for her fathers wife and disdain for Silver Spoon in the beginning came off as pure racism more then family history. I'm not sure but I cant help the feeling that Trixe would have been more receptive having her father mary another unicorn and having her sister be a uni as well.

Maybe it's not racism but a belief in keeping the race pure. I think there's a difference between hating a race and not being comfortable with mixed marriages.

All an all it was great story.

I love how cunning and yet adorable Silver Spoon was and I can only guess that the eye and mane color was inherited from the father. I would love to see more of these two.

[Noctis Prism]

This is really good overall and I would more in this universe!