My Dear Shy - Life in Equestria

by Keeper-of-Harmony

Chapter Twenty-Seven - The Date - Part One

Author's Note:

Reused previous material about halfway in the chapter. Supposedly more could have been done, but this chapter has been unnecessarily procrastinated than it needed to be. While I did post a blog that this would be a republished chapter, I decided to publish it as new.

Enjoy.

I must say today has been rather...uh.

Today has been rather...hmm. What words can I coin up to describe today's experience?

Abnormally-smooth? No.

Unusually-swell? Negative.

Extraordinarily-okay? Too many syllables.

Let me plainly say today has been surprisingly-well, thus far.

I know it may sound pessimistic of me for saying that, but I have this looming sense that the universe has something ominous in store for me. I just bloody know it. One could say it's comparable to Spider-Man's spidey-senses. The difference being is it's in my gut.

Or it could very well be the anxiety coming back with a vengeance, as I'm still debating whether to get Twilight a gift or not. Then again, I don't have the wherewithal to buy one, anyway.

Unless I sneakily snatch one right under a merchant's nose.

I kid. I'm not that scummy, and I would not risk getting into trouble and ruin any chance of fitting in with their society. And I suppose to avoid retribution.

Is Twilight even expecting me to bring a gift anyway? I'm getting a throbbing headache just from asking myself these unanswered questions repeatedly.

'You do know you also promised Twilight you'd play the violin for her, right?' my brain reminds like the considerate organ it is.

Oh gee, you bring that up now?! I snap at my other half. I'm already on the rack as is! You want us to have a bowel movement?!

'Just a friendly reminder,' my brain replies calmly, doing its best to ease my anxiety. 'Besides, should you encounter any trouble, per se, you'll have a reasonable excuse for being late. Right?'

That doesn't reassure or comfort me at all! I whine. I even left Silver back at the cottage since today has been going peachy-keen so far!'

'Relax! You're getting yourself worked up over nothing! I mean, sure, it's your first date, that I understand. But getting neurotic about it isn't going to help. You need to act all nonchalant and be yourself.'

I hit the outskirts of Ponyville after several minutes of uneventful walking. I keep my attention divided on the map and my surroundings as I continually meander down the dirt road.

I briefly tear my vision away from the map to gaze up, watching the pegasi above move some clouds in punctual timing just as the ether subtly shifts from an oceanic-blue to golden-amber.

It was like a giant invisible hand of God took a paintbrush and stroke it across the sky.

The temperature has changed, too. Only by a minuscule. Still, I'm thankful it's gotten colder, and Mother Nature guerdons me with a gentle, breezy kiss on my face.

There are fewer ponies here than the last time I was here, and, to my utter lack of surprise, some of them thronged to my left and right look at me like I'm hairy at the heel as per the usual whenever I'm present.

My ears catch their maunderings as I walk by, but the distance makes it difficult to make out what they're saying. I have the intuitive guess it's about me.

Maybe it's my realistic appearance, similar to Eddie Valiant in ToonTown? I sure as hell would stare if I were in their shoes (or horseshoes in an equine sense). Another example would be Candy Wife on the Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack.

I'll downright admit that that thing scared me when I was younger. And now thinking about it, it still does. It's unnervingly uncanny to see a three-dimensional character in a two-dimensional world.

But that's only an assumption. I'd go and inquire, but I'm already late enough as is, so I instead pin my focus on the map and the path ahead, no longer paying even a sliver of attention to the mumbling onlookers.

I scan the map studiously to know if I'm still on the right path. Much to my relief, I am, and I lower the map to see a familiar stocky hollowed-out tree that is the Golden Oak Library up ahead. I roll up the map and continue my mental convo.

That's what I'm afraid of, though: what if I inadvertently say something offensive or blurt out anything obscenely stupid?

'Well then think your words before you speak them, which is unlikely because this is you we're talking about after all since you have a nasty habit of speaking your mind aloud.'

I glare daggers at the nothingness in front of me, and a few ponies who've seen my glare distance themselves further.

It'd be so nice if you were a separate being so I could kick you in the family jewels.

'I'm just speaking the truth. Must you get so aggressive?'

I'm agitatedly aggressive now, no thanks to you.

'I don't think those two words can coalesce. You're agitated and aggressive is more proper,' my brain emends.

Okay, smart guy! How about you take control and deal with the date yourself!

I stop right on the outdoor mat, with the word 'Welcome' written on it.

'Whoa there! I appreciate the offer, but we both know the moment you grant me total management, I will walk on over to Twilight's and deliberately cancel our date. You may be into that kind of stuff, but I sure as hell am not.'

What exactly do you mean by "into that kind of stuff"?

My brain imitates an exasperated sigh. 'Let me reiterate: say you're on a boat which represents your life, and the riverbed is the course your life floats through. It has separated currents that represent choices. You picturing this yet?'

Yeah, I'm picturing it.

'Good. Now, imagine you're the captain of the said vessel, and I'm your first mate; I've been by your side ever since, and I've condoned some of the questionable passages you've chosen. But the minute you drove the boat right towards the current with the waterfall, I pinched my nose and abandoned ship. Are you getting the gist of what I've been saying?'

I ponder over his words, and the rusty cogs inside my mind then click to life and spin.

Wait, are you saying you have a problem with Twilight? I question in disbelief.

'Yes,' my brain curtly says.

What the hell do you have against her?

'Oh, I don't have that much against her. There's one, itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny problem about her that severely irks me, though.'

And what is it?

'She's a pony!'

A sentient, pastel-colored pony whose intellect is in the same league as Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein.

'Who cares! It still baffles me that you even dared to consider having a date with her.'

I'm at least giving it a try. There's no harm in that. I mean seriously? Does dating a pony bother you that much?'

'Where do you think your prejudices come from, Einstein?' my brain retorts. 'I'm the predominant side that bears all your logic, irrational phobias and prejudices."

I figured as much. Can you set those two last things aside for the rest of the day, at least?

'Fine. Whatever. Just as long as it stays platonic; if the date gets...intimate,' my brain shudders at the word, 'I'm going to intervene. Got it?'

Sure. I suppose that's fair enough, I assent. Though I doubt anything will happen under one date.

'...You serious?' my brain says, clearly unamused. 'Care to say that again after the several times she's tried to woo you? Remember that time on the stairs-'

D-Don't need to go there! I quickly interrupt. I can vividly recall that scenario, unfortunately... But she only did those things because Rarity told her to; on the day of her coronation, when we sat down and talked, she admitted she found it uncomfortable as well.

'I remember, and I guess that's a fair point,' my brain concedes. 'But still, don't expect my opinion to change after this one date.'

I never would expect you to.

'Good. Have fun, I guess.'

With that said and done, I lean forward and ball my hand into a fist to knock on the door. For some strange reason, I freeze just when my knuckles are inches from the door; the inside of my stomach begins to churn like there's a maelstrom of profound anxiety swirling within, and this overwhelming feeling causes me to pull my hand away.

Damn. Why am I letting my anxiety get the better of me? I've dealt with situations far more stressful than this. Is it due to my stubborn prejudice, or could it be my severe lack of confidence? The latter makes a lot more sense.

I could be dawdling here all day asking more stupid questions about personal issues, but I need to suck it up (or as my foster father worded it: gird one's loins). I can't let my fears or perturbation deter me. If Robin can date an alien, then so can I.

'Starfire, despite being an alien, is humanoid, which is contrary to a pony. Not a sound comparison,' my brain says matter-of-factly.

Quiet, you.

'Just saying.'

I take a deep breath and exhale to push the fears and worries aside, replacing them with steely determination. I then lean forward and extend a shaky fist towards the door, giving it a trio of weak knocks with the knuckles of my fingers.

It is certain Twilight can hear that since ponies are renowned for their aural acuity (I don't know if I've covered this in a previous log already), and it proves true when she hollers from inside her house, "Coming!"

There's gentle clopping behind the door, and they grow louder within each passing second until they stop.

"I pray I'm presentable enough," I whisper in a jittery tone, smoothing out my suit as I stand up straight like some British guard.

'About as presentable in a McDonald's commercial...'

The door clicks and creaks ajar by a paltry of inches, and I see a purple-irised eye peeking out of the small crack. The owner of said eye lightly gasps and closes the door afterward.

Several seconds later, the door swings open immediately without warning that I almost jumped, revealing a beaming Twilight Sparkle.

"Ah, Rick! It's great to see you!" Twilight says, excitement burgeoning in her countenance.

I was expecting Twilight to be wearing make-up, or perhaps in a fancy dress. But she isn't. She's as plain-looking and naked as she has been. Nothing out of the ordinary. There is, however, a cloying fragrance of lilac invading my nostrils. It's almost enough to make me gag.

"I wondered when you'd arrive!" Twilight adds.

"Let's just say I've hit some bumps along the way here," I lie. "Hope I'm not awfully late."

'Nailed it,' my brain says.

"Twenty-seven minutes is nothing to fuss over," Twilight scoffs with a roll of her eyes. She studies me from bottom to top thoroughly. "I see you're wearing those clothes," she notes.

I scratch the back of my neck out of sheepishness. "Yeah... If I have to be honest with you, Twilight, I was quite disinclined to, uh, wearing these."

"Disinclined? Can you elaborate?" Twilight asks, tilting her head.

"Disinclined as in that I'm...not too keenly fond of them. I mean I was, but, I..." I trail off, trying to come up with an articulate explanation of my distaste for the colorful suit and how it turned out the way it was. I decide not to and just sigh, going with a simple reply. "What I'm getting at is that I don't like them."

"Then why would you wear them if you don't like them?"

"Well... Because..." I begin with a faint blush, "I remembered how much you adored the color and smiley faces, and I thought it best against my judgment that I'd wear them for you," I elucidate my reason.

A hue of pink touches Twilight's cheeks as she says, "That's incredibly sweet of you, Rick."

I scratch the scruff of my neck once more as I avert my gaze from hers, by finding the ground somehow interesting.

"D-don't mention it," I say, shyly. I look back up at her and add, "I also thought about getting you a gift, but I couldn't since I didn't have the money. My apologies."

"No need to be sorry," Twilight dismisses, the blush still glowing on her visage. "I wasn't expecting you to get me anything on our first date. Still, it's very thoughtful of you to think about me." The alicorn steps aside, nodding her head at me to step inward.

Granted wordless entry, I nod at her and slightly bend down as I enter head first, careful not to bonk my head on the arched door jamb during the process.

Once inside, I turn halfway and see a sparkling, rosy aura surround Twilight's horn, and the handle on the door becomes enveloped in the same misty magic. By her telekinetic command, the door creakily closes shut, and the aura around her horn and the door's handle fades away.

I slowly stand up to my full height, head inches away from touching the ceiling, and give the living room a cursory glance as there's nothing notably different the last time I visited this place. Well, nothing save for the short stack of books, a rectangular case, and rolled-up parchment sitting on the table ahead of me. I'm lead to presume those are the books she wants us to read together.

As for the case, I haven't the foggiest idea.

Dust-filled, aureate beams of the midday's sun spills forth from the room's only window, like a waterfall of brilliant light, and it gives the whole area a sense of coziness.

I scan the room to find out someone is missing. "I'm going to guess Spike is up in your room?" I ask.

"I had Rarity come over and pick him up so we can have the place to ourselves," she replies with an innocent smile.

I raise a skeptical brow only for a moment, since I'm not confidently sure how I should feel about being alone with Twilight and that smile of hers. I mean, I do trust her, and I don't think she'll dare to try anything funny, like Family Guy Quagmire kind of funny.

At least that's what I'm counting on.

"I see," I simply say. "Well, what do you say we get to reading then, huh?"

"Actually..." Twilight begins as her horn glows, and I turn my neck to see the parchment next to the stacked books take the air and gently hover past me over to her. "I've prepared a list, and here I thought we could start it off by chatting on the sofa with freshly-made tea."

"Sorry if I might be blunt to ask why? Just out of curiosity."

"I wanted to continue where we left off from Father's Day; I'd like to know more about you," Twilight answers.

"Oh, right. I forgot about that," I say.

The alicorn levitates the list over to me so I can examine it, and indeed she's already had listed down several (about four, really) things we'd do together. She even has them time-stamped. She sure holds the reputation for being organized. Although, there is something crossed off to oblivion right above the 'chat'.

I'm not sure whether my lateness coerced Twilight into a change of plan, or it was a mistake.

Twilight clops her hooves together. "I've been looking forward to this!" she says in an excited tone.

I linger on the parchment for another minute and see that she wants me to play the violin for her as the very last thing. That reassures me somewhat. Although I wonder if Twilight will reconsider it if I explained my troubled past with the violin?

Maybe not right now. When the moment comes, I will.

Next on the list after the chat is 'Synonym Game.' I'm familiar with word games such as Scrabble, but this is new to me. I'll have to wait for Twilight to explain what it is when we get to it.

After that is 'stargazing on the balcony'. Well, that's something I'm going to look forward to doing.

I flinch-blink when the parchment suddenly rolls up and flies over to the table to perch on it.

"I'll go ahead and start making tea!" Twilight says, trotting over to the kitchen that's part of the living room. Is it just me, or has she always had a kitchen? I never paid any real attention during my previous visits. "And feel free to look around for the time being!"

I sort of do just that by approaching the bookshelves, surveying her vast collection of books, and such. They're alphabetized, which comes hardly a shocker. There are a few that I'd recognize as ponified versions of popular novels, take for Moby Dick.

I'm...not going to comment on it.

I focus on Twilight, for now, to see how she prepares her tea.

As she approaches the wood-burning type of stove, she magically opens a wooden cabinet from her left and pulls out a tiny wooden box and a metallic kettle, and then she snatches a small log from a short pile of logs near the stove.

She rests the kettle on the stove after filling it with tap water from the kitchen's sink as she opens the firebox to throw the log inside. The alicorn shoots a sparky bolt of magic at the log to ignite it before quickly closing the firebox and the dampers.

All of that done quickly in a simultaneous fashion, and I can't help but be a touch green with envy. Magic can be so awesome sometimes.

"Thanks! I could help teach you if you'd like!" Twilight offers.

I blink dumbly. It takes another second of me blankly staring at Twilight to realize that I must have spoken my mind aloud, and I slap a palm to my forehead.

"Sorry, that was meant to be kept in thought..." I say with a faint blush. "I appreciate the offer, but I'll have to pass. I wouldn't want to waste your time or anything."

The alicorn turns to face me with a bright smile as she zips right up in front of me, and I make one backward step from the suddenness of her movements. She gazes up into my eyes, enthused. "It'd be no trouble!" Twilight eagerly insists. A bit too insistent, I'd dare say. I reckon the prospect of tutoring somebody magic may be very exciting for her.

It does seem promising, what with the limitless possibilities I could do if I learned the arts of arcane and wizardry. Although would I be able to? And exactly how long would it take to master just one spell? And what if I screw up a spell and accidentally turn myself into a pickle?

That would certainly bring a whole new level of being cool as a cucumber.

...

I have the asinine habit of making lame jokes like that out of the blue, huh?

Anyway, after several seconds of thinking it over, I reply, "I'm... indecisive at the moment; I'll come up with an answer after we have our chat."

The twinkle in Twilight's eyes vanish. Not out of disappointment, as it would seem. She still has that look of anticipation crossed on her visage. "Very well," Twilight says, turning around and trotting back up to the stove once the kettle starts whistling, the wooden box still held in her magical grasp.

She magically lifts the kettle off the stove while pulling out a metal tray, a teapot, and two teacups from the same wooden cabinet she got the wooden box from. Opening both the box and the kettle's lid, black leaves fly out of the wooden container and into the kettle.

Closing the box and putting it back into the cabinet where it belongs, Twilight proceeds to telekinetically grab another necessity such as cubes of sugar while the leaves steep in the kettle.

After some time, she carefully pours the fresh, piping hot tea from the kettle into the teapot, places the kettle in the sink, and trots on over to a small table in front of her couch with the levitating sugar cubes, tray, teapot, saucers, and teacups floating above her.

Placing the tray down first, she deposits the rest of the things atop the tray and settles down on the couch.

"All done!" Twilight chimes. She pats the empty cushion next to her, and I accept the invitation by slowly sitting down with a soft pomf!. "I hope you like black tea."

"If I enjoy my black coffee, then I'm sure I'll enjoy black tea," I say as I lean forward to grab the teapot, to which it slides out of my reach.

"Here, let me do it. You're my guest after all," Twilight says.

I stare at her with a slightly annoyed look before laying back with a curt shrug. The floating pot tilts forward as the tea pours out from its spout into the cup. Once the cup is half full, Twilight grasps it in her magic and proffers it to me.

I carefully pinch at the cup's ridges and nod for Twilight to kill her magic, which she does, and I hold it up to my lips as I take a slight sip.

A bit bland without any sweetness. Just the way I like it.

With another sip, the mildly-hot tea entering my body, I hum approvingly and relax.

"That's some good tea," I comment.

"Thanks! I'm glad to hear that," Twilight beams a proud smile. Using her magic, she pours herself some tea, lifts the full teacup off its saucer, and takes a slight, soundless sip. "So Fluttershy has mentioned to me that you've been writing a novel. Is it okay if I ask what it is?"

I finish my cup before replying, "Well, it's been a work-in-progress for, uh, a while; I can't say precisely how long ago since I've started it or how long I've been working on it, but it's titled Light and Darkness."

"Oh? How fascinating!" Twilight says with prodigious interest. "And might I ask what it is about?"

"As the title would suggest, it's about the Light and Dark and the eternal conflict with one another. I figured that, as a twist, a man inheriting the darkness would be the main protagonist."

"Oh? That is a twist," Twilight agrees.

"And I wanted to build the world and explain how darkness isn't all that evil or scary like many perceive it to be; I wanted to explain how darkness is simply misunderstood and show how it is loving and kind."

"Sounds almost similar to Celestia and Luna," Twilight comments. She then levitates the teapot in front of me. "Refill?"

"Yes, please," I reply, holding out the cup as she goes to refill it. "Anyway," I continue, "I always had this idea that the dark was originally the kindest and loving essence. But I can never seem to find the right words or describe the atmosphere in a specific way that I envision it."

Twilight sets the teapot back onto the platter. "Well I'd be more than happy to help, Rick. Don't be afraid to ask. From what you explained, it really does sound thrilling. But you know, the prime reason Darkness is popularly characterized as evil is due to an equilibrium."

"An equi-what?"

"Equilibrium. It means a state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced," Twilight recites the definition. "I've done some research on this myself, and I firmly believe the reason darkness is predetermined to be evil is to maintain a universal balance. I'm sure you're familiar with the saying 'one thing cannot exist without the other'?"

"Indeed I am."

"And while I'm not trying to disbar your opinion or idea about it, but knowing the light as the celestial embodiment of good, there has to be an opposite force in order to keep everything in balance. In which case, it'd be darkness."

"I suppose that makes sense with the way you explained it," I say with a sage nod. Sipping half my tea away, I smack my lips and continue, "But I wanted to make the concept somewhat different. Like a role reversal."

"I see," Twilight says in passing. She drinks the rest of her tea before setting the cup on its saucer, taking a few quiet seconds to think. She looks to me and asks, "What do you think about kids, Rick?"

"Kids?" I say in a spurted chuckle. "That's a weird question to ask on our first date, don't you think?"

Twilight blinks once, and then her whole face burns bright red. "I-I meant it in a way t-that you get along with kids pretty well!" She sputters. "I d-didn't mean to insinuate-"

"Relax, Twilight. I know what you intended to ask in that question. I was just yanking your chain there."

While it was harmless and only for the fun of it, Twilight's unamused frown says otherwise.

I immediately remove my grin faster than Lando Calrissian gets turned on by a toaster oven in his bedroom and reply, "Uh, regarding your question, I think kids are okay; they can be fun to hang around with sometimes. In a way, they remind me of my youth- So full of innocence and energy; I wish that all stays as time lets on. I guess I still am a kid at heart, to be honest.

Twilight ditches her glare and looks at me, a bit sympathetic.

"Have you ever had these thoughts, Twilight?" I ask.

"Sometimes," Twilight admits, "and there have been instances where I wanted to take back some mistakes I've made as a filly. But, those mistakes have helped me learn not to repeat them. It's all part of growing up."

"I suppose. It's just...well..." I pause to breathe out a depressed sigh. "I've made lots of mistakes back then, and several of them I wish I could take back in a heartbeat, and I probably wouldn't have become the miserable, discourteous, narcissistic man I once was. I probably would have gotten happily married. I would have gotten a far better job. I also wouldn't have had made all the people who knew me hate me."

"That can't be true at all," Twilight argues. "Surely there had to have been a single soul who liked you."

There indeed was... My mind flashes back to the day when I first met Tina in that grocery store, and then to the day when she tried asking me out on a date, and lastly...the phone call. I remain silent as those memories play inside my head. A pang of guilt hits me in the heart, and I clutch my chest with a right hand. I look down at my tea and see my distorted face's reflection in it.

"There was at least one..." I say in a loud, sullen whisper. "A woman..."

"A woman? Did this woman... I mean, was this woman..."

"No, she wasn't my fiance or anything related to that. Just a friend," I cut her off, as I expected what her question was going to be. My solemn gaze remains in the teacup as I gently swirl the liquid inside it. "Although would it be right to even call her a friend? She was such a nice and kind person to me, she was the reason I even managed to get into that position as a journalist. And all I ever did was try to make up stupid excuses just to avoid her or get her to leave me alone. She did not deserve to be treated like that after all she's done for me. She sure as hell did not deserve a guy like me. What she saw in me, I never knew." I stop swirling the tea and quickly gulp up the rest of it.

"What makes you think that?" Twilight asks.

"What do you mean? I literally just said it; I kept doing my best to avoid her because I was a miserable and lonely man who only looked out for himself, all thanks to my foster father and his influences. And was it wrong to think that way? I don't know! It sure got me all the things I could ask for.

"I had a house. A job. A car. A television. All of these I earned."

"But not completely on your own, though," Twilight states. "Even though you liked to believe you've gotten so far in life all on your own, you had others to help you."

"And to be honest, I hated that fact; while I was grateful to an extent, I never asked anybody for anything because-"

"Because you don't want to be too dependant on others, do you? Your foster father taught you to be reliant only on yourself, and you kept your heart only to yourself, fearing that relying on others would make you weak. Is that right?"

I don't reply right away. I narrow my brows as I stare down at the now-empty teacup. My other hand wraps and tightens its hold around the teacup, but not too much as I fear that I'll crack it.

After being grimly silent for a few seconds, I soften my grip on the cup and reply, "Yes. It is the reason why I believed she deserved someone better than me. The only thing I did to repay the kindness was that I called her and explained to her I was leaving."

"Did she ask why?"

"Of course she did. The problem was that I couldn't tell her why, and you know why, too." I tear my gaze away from the cup and finally stare at the alicorn mare. "The question I've been meaning to get off my chest is this, Twilight: was it selfish?"

"Selfish?" Twilight quizzes with a raised brow.

"After learning what friendship truly meant, and how I could have made things right, was it selfish of me to abandon her without even telling her why? Was it outright selfish of me to abandon everything? Everything, just to be with Fluttershy?"

Twilight stays quiet for a few thoughtful seconds.

"What matters is what your heart desired. Do you think it was selfish, Rick? Do you think it was selfish to leave your world, to sacrifice everything you've worked up for, to be with Fluttershy?

"The way I see it, you followed your heart because you believed doing so would make you happy. Are you happy, Rick? Are you happy you got to be reunited with Fluttershy and fulfill your promise to her?"

"Of course I am!" I say, affronted by her question. "And I have no regrets upon making that decision!"

Twilight then complacently smirks, which has me tilting my head.

"There's your answer. Whatever's been done has been done. And if you don't have any regrets, you should just press on forward without looking behind."

"I-" and that's where I shut my trap.

I contemplate over her words and realize that she's right. Everything I've done up to this point, all my decisions which brought me to this world was because I followed what my heart desired, and that was to be with my dear Shy. The weight of regret on my shoulders disappear. I feel relieved and a little more at peace with my past decisions.

"I... Er, I mean, t-thank you, Twilight. I feel slightly better now."

"Not a problem!" Twilight beams. "Just remember that as a friend, I'm here to help if something is bothering you," she says, placing a comforting hoof on my elbow.

I smile at her, putting my hand over her hoof. I widen my eyes from realizing how much time must have gone by. I quickly twist my neck to the cuckoo clock mounted on the wall and see it's way past the 'chat' limit.

"Oh, shoot... I feel ashamed that I just prattled the entire session away. Now we won't get to do that 'Synonym Game' you wanted."

"It's okay, Rick. Even if things don't go according to plan, we can still enjoy the other things I have planned," Twilight says, rubbing my elbow. "How about we just continue enjoying our tea until it gets dark."

I hum with an approving nod. We continue to sit on the couch in placid silence, smiling at each other.