Chapter Six
Luna's visit in my dream was... quaint, to say the least. I never expected that she would have the unique ability to enter one's dreamland. Like she can just poof in and out at any given time whenever she pleases. Saying it that way, it frankly makes it an unsettling thought; Luna could intrude upon someone's dream without notice, and there are several reasons why that sounds disturbing. I mean, what if she came barged in on a wet dream? Yeah... That'd be quite a conversation starter, to say the least.
Let's dismiss that irrelevance for the moment and focus on more relevant matters.
-----
There I was, slumped over my writing desk... sleeping. It must have been quite exhausting yesterday for me to spontaneously fall asleep while writing a log in my journal. Plenty of walking can tire a guy out, especially someone of my scrawny condition; even though I've been eating my share of meat, mainly fish, it wasn't enough to gain any significant amount of muscle, and all the walking around Ponyville and the surrounding area has made me lose a bit of weight. There was muscle in there that for certain, but nowhere near enough to where I'd be proclaimed "muscular". Safely putting it, I was partially muscular and partially skinny. Being a writer type-of-guy can be the result of that. Sure, with all the spare time from the past years I could have been pumping at the gym to stay strong and athletic, but I didn't much care for my weight. What concerned me more than watching my weight was my career and pursuit of a better future career such as becoming a writer.
Unfortunately chasing that dream turned out futile, and I was stuck with a dead-end job as a journalist. I'd be saying that IF I wasn't on Equestria.
Having no source of income or a job here wasn't my only problem; the ponies of Ponyville have treated me like a total outcast for that past month. In rare circumstances, a few of the residents would happily share their salutations, but the majority of them would go out of their way to avoid any means of communicating with me. At one particular time when I had to go on an errand for groceries some of the merchants at the market valley would charge triple the price of their wares because... I didn't know what! Far as I was aware, the prejudice they've been given me was only making the 'me fitting in' plan slightly difficult. Not that I cared, honestly. As long as my daughter loved me, unbiased for who and what I was, that's pretty much a reasonable excuse why I shouldn't worry about getting alienated by the other ponies.
Still... If I was going to remain on a magical planet full of equines, griffins, dragons for the rest of my life, I might as well try to get acquainted with them. Who knows -- maybe they wouldn't be as asinine as I'm judging them to be if I try making a connection or two. Perhaps then getting a job wouldn't be hard.
The last thing I'd ever want, however, is to get intimately close. Twilight may have explained about the shudder-inducing topic of interspecies (omitting how far she delved in the details), but I would never, NEVER put myself that deep in a relationship even if it's a sentient being that shares the same thoughts and feelings like a human does.
But, I digress. My hand oftentimes has a nasty habit of writing whatever my brain thinks.
My formidable adversary; the morning sun, rose steadily to peek over the craggy mountains and spewed its fiery gaze through the small crevice of the cottage's window at my face. My face scrunched up as the rays burned my eyelids, coercing me to turn my head in the other direction.
Yet the cherishing blissful silence was rudely put at an end when an obnoxious rooster outside began spontaneously crowing to the rising sun. It crowed loudly for everyone-within-the-vicinity's ears to hear; a foul and subsequent cry which brought nothing more than pain to my eardrums.
"Rrrr...." I growled. My eyelids closed tighter than a vice as a poor attempt to neglect the fowl's cries but to no avail when it crowed one last time, albeit noisier and prolonging.
Cock-a-doooodle-doooo!
A low grumble escaped my lips as I slowly raised my head. "For heaven's sake..." I lazily groaned, managing an inaudible swear or two under a single breath. "Can't a guy get some peace without that racket goin' on?!"
Eyes remained securely shut, legs and arms stretching the stiffness out of them, I mouthed an exaggerated quiet yawn -- yawning long enough that my nostrils got a good whiff of my disgusting morning breath smell. 'Ugh. I should brush my teeth more often...'
Before I began to do anything else, a loud sudden noise of dishes shattering from downstairs startled me wide awake. Alarmed and worried that this could mean a possible burglary, I instantly jumped to my feet and reached an arm for a silvery suitcase located underneath the desk. Swiftly I undid the clips and tossed some clothes aside until I found a small, vintage wooden gun case. This old, yet finely crafted antique made out of oak had a chipped corner, a company logo too faded to read on the lid and the middle hinge out of three was missing. I hurried to open the box; inside it contained my trusty revolver, and twelve .44 rounds bundled neatly in tiny, separate pouches.
Picking it up and loading it, I maliciously whispered to the unseen fool, "So, planning on stealing from my daughter's house, are you? You'll rue the day the moment you walked into this house with an intention to steal."
Finally, all six chambers were loaded in. I inched toward the door, grabbed the knob (somehow it was a knob this time...), turned it counter-clockwise and began stepping down the stairs foot by foot cautiously. Another violent sound of dishware breaking was heard below. I knew better than my dear Shy would find a hiding place if there was an intrusion. Well, luckily for the both of us I'm here with a revolver held firmly in my right hand. The supposed robber, on the other hand, wasn't going to be lucky once I get my hands on him... or her. Knowing what gender didn't matter, what mattered was whether I should or shouldn't pick an excuse why he/she should live before planting a bullet permanently in his/her skull.
As I descended closer to the living room, distinct noises of different types of animals just got louder and louder; barking, cawing, hissing, squeaking. They sounded... erratic as if it were a riot. Arching a confused brow, I prompted another few ginger steps until the living room came to view. When I assumed it was a possible burglary, the culprit(s) responsible for the broken dishes were a bunch of pissed off animals running amok and trashing the place. I wouldn't even begin to know where to describe it other than utter destruction! Nothing in the whole house was whole anymore; there's an angry grizzly bear stuck in a threshold, blocking full entry from the storage closet, a fox chasing a triplet of brown rabbits, a cat clawing the drapes and a vulture eating... Wait- what? What in blue blazes was that thing eating?! Better not be Angel, otherwise, there'd be hearing no end of it from my daughter.
Tucking the lethal weapon down the back of my pants, I reached the bottom of the stairs. Suddenly, a blue blur leaving a rainbow trail behind shot right past me. There was only one pegasus on Equestria who could do that...
"Rainbow Dash," I roared her name, "what the bloody hell is going on around here?!" She then whizzed past me again. I didn't think she heard me the first time. I mean, of course, she wouldn't hear me among the deafening racket the animals were making. "Rainbow Dash!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
She still didn't catch that.
Figuring shouting at her was pointless, I deadpanned and shortly went to fetch a frying pan. Returning to the spot after retrieving the said pan, I stuck it out forward where she would likely dash into. Frankly enough, she zoomed in and... wait for it.
'WHAM!'
Bingo. The cyan pegasus fell face flat to the ground after marking a dent of her face in the frying pan. Hey, it's a cartoon world. I'm sure a tough pony like her could handle a simple bump.
'Guess I'll be keeping this as a souvenir' I said in thought, considering the cooking tool was now officially a collectible. Too bad it wasn't Pinkie Pie, I would have loved to have done that to her. Eh, perhaps that could happen at another time. You know, I've always wondered how cartoon characters managed to imprint their faces and bodies on walls, frying pans and the like. If people did that back on Earth for the comedic value then they'd drop dead like flies. Note to self: ask Pinkie Pie, she'd have an answer to that.
Anyway. Rainbow Dash hazily sat up, shiny stars orbiting her head until she regained full consciousness. She instantly shook off the pain and gazed up at me with seething anger.
"What was that for?!" Rainbow Dash angrily exclaimed, now properly up on all four of her legs.
"Because you were ignoring me, so I decided to grab your attention in a different way." I quipped, cracking a wise-ass smirk. "But it's not like that hurt or anything, right?"
At this point, the infuriated pegasus hovered off the ground and came in close to where her nose was practically an inch from mine. Judging the fury in her eyes, along with her narrowed brows, I had a hunch that whatever I did may have hurt her a teeny, tiny bit...
"Uh, duh, it did hurt!" Rainbow Dash retorted with an angry snort.
Okay, maybe a little...
"Quite a lot!" She then added.
Fine, maybe it did hurt her a lot! It just seemed funny seeing cartoon characters getting brutally smacked by a blunt object, and they just walk the pain off as if it were an everyday thing. I mean, look at Tom and Jerry! The cat got pounded, burned, shredded. He even got dismembered for crying out loud! Then again... him screaming in agony may have been solid proof enough that it could have been abhorrently painful.
"So, jerk," said Rainbow Dash, crossing her forelegs, "what do you want?"
Aside from the fact that there was a big-eyed pegasus right in front of my face, I regained my composure and returned her glaring stare.
"A rather good question. But I have a better question: what's going on around here?!" I yelled in Rainbow Dash's ear which caused her to fall onto the ground on her stomach yet again.
Rainbow Dash gradually sat up to her haunches, groaning. "Ow... Did you have to yell that close?" She said as she scrubbed an aching ear with a hoof.
"Stop whining. Now answer me; what are you doing here and why are you tendering the animals? That's usually my daughter's job." While Rainbow Dash continued soothing her ear, plus the commotion from the animals happening in the background, my gaze lowered to her flank and they widened in pure shock. Instead of her traditional cloud and lightning cutie mark, she had three butterflies that were... similar to Fluttershy's. "Um... i-is t-that Fluttershy's cutie mark?" I stuttered apprehensively, pointing a quivering index finger down at her flank.
"For your information, it's mine," Rainbow Dash corrected. "And what are you talking about? You know full well that it's my destiny to take care of these animals, Dad."
Just like that, a sound effect of glass shattering occurred when my eyes widened even further. Did... did Rainbow Dash just straight up called me...
No. No, surely that had to be a part of my imagination; maybe I misheard her due to the ruckus going on around us. Yeah, that had to be it. Cleaning the wax out of a right ear with a pinky finger, I leaned my head closer to her. "Come again?" I asked, nervousness edged in my tone. "For a second there I swear I heard you mistook me as your father, ahaha... ha." I anxiously chuckled.
Rainbow Dash cocked a confused brow at me. "Uh... did you hit your head along your way down here, Dad? I mean, duh, it's me; your little Dashie."
I didn't respond right away. I remained silent for the duration of the time. Standing like a statue, pupils shrunk to the size of pins in sheer horror, I was completely beyond dumbstruck where my brain plunged into a surreal zone from reality. There was my conscience, lost; floating alone in an abyss of nothingness. Words of terror echoed around: 'Rainbow Dash... is my daughter. My daughter... Rainbow Dash...'
Back in the physical world, Rainbow Dash continually stared at me this entire time, having not the slightest clue what was going on. She took flight and hovered head-to-head level, bewildered upon my sudden, frozen state.
"Dad... you okay there?" Rainbow Dash asked worriedly. She merely approached and knocked my forehead a few times with a gentle hoof. "Helllooo."
Though as deliberately gentle as she tried, her clunky hoof was only hurting my noggin. After the fourth time she tapped against my forehead, the golden gateway of reality inside my mind burst open. Behind it spilled forth an immense wave of light. The darkness surrounding me evaporated from the brilliant luminescence (the light being an interpretation for Dash's hoof whilst the darkness was an interpretation for my bewilderment). With Rainbow Dash breaking me from my trance, I quickly shook my head and rubbed my temples.
"Sorry about that. I guess I suddenly lost my train of thought there for a while." I said.
"Whew," Rainbow Dash whistled, wiping away sweat off her face, "You had me worried there for a second." She then beamed me a relieving smile.
This was rather awkward. Awkward as in I knew nothing of Rainbow Dash besides her boastful personality and her need for adventure and that bunch. To a brony, I guess they'd probably 'aww' all over that. To her father, he'd smile back. Me? I was stumped as a dunce figuring out a zero plus zero equation but not because Rainbow Dash was concerned for my health (to be honest, that thought did unsettle me) but the disconcerting fact that she was calling me her father. Having Equestria's best flyer and coolest pegasus as a daughter would sound neat... IF I wasn't a father of a pegasus already. Seriously. I wanted my kind, elegant, timid and loving Fluttershy, not... THIS! Yet the only way I could solve this predicament would be to find the culprit responsible and have my good pal 'Silver' (of course my revolver has a name, in case anyone was curious) "politely" persuade 'em into fixing this mess.
I recapped a conversation I had with Twilight about cutie marks back at her tree house (a week ago it was): Twilight was quite sincere in her statement that -- far to her knowledge -- a simple unicorn cannot tamper with another pony's cutie mark, let alone swap it with another. She also stated that not even an alicorn has the magic to do that. So based upon those facts, I took a moment to ponder on the myriad of possibilities.
'So who would be capable of pulling this off, then?' I mentally questioned to myself thoughtfully. 'Twilight said it herself, "there's no way a mere unicorn, or an alicorn, can tinker with a pony's cutie mark". Come on, Rick, think.' I clenched my left hand into a fist and bonked the side of my head in the hope an answer would reveal itself to me. After a minute... nothing. The reason? Cartoon logic. Some of the brainless characters I've seen can unexpectedly come up with the greatest idea just from a smack on the head -- whether the object would be a bat, a piano or an anvil. Ah, an anvil. Classic.
Now wasn't the appropriate time to trail off again. I had to come up with an actual solution. Rainbow Dash has my daughter's cutie mark, she's mistaken me as her father and believes it's her destiny to tend the animals. The culprit couldn't have been Luna, considering she's an alicorn. Cadence? I've heard of her from Twilight, but she too was an alicorn so there went that plan...
Interrupting the middle of my musing, Rainbow Dash rested one of her hooves on my right shoulder. "You sure you're all right, Dad? You've been acting strange since... just now. It's kind of creeping me out."
"Yeah just give me a sec," I replied aloud and curtly shrugged her hoof away. I planted a palm over my mouth, glancing down at the floor pondering intensely. 'It has to be someone who wields magic greater than Celestia's. Why that guy would have to be so chaot-' I suddenly stopped in mid-thought. The cogs in my head were slowly turning, and I eventually became aware of the jackass who'd be responsible for causing this much mayhem. It all made sense now...
My face boiled slightly crimson as I narrowed my brows until they couldn't go any narrower. I silently blurted some incoherent, murderous threats at Discord; to put it bluntly, by the time I'd be done with him he'd be shredded to pieces. Well, at least that's how I fancied the scenery. Truthfully, despite how enraged I was, I'd have no chance of causing harm to a possible god. Still, that speculation wasn't going to stop me from pursuing his sorry ass.
Since I was already wearing a shirt and pants, I quickly retrieved my boots next to the green couch and slipped them on. I then made a beeline to the front door afterward. I extended an arm for the front door's handle, but I was once again halted by a yelping Rainbow Dash.
"Whoa wait a minute!" she shouted. "Where are you going?!"
"I have to go somewhere. It's important." I said, peering over my shoulder with my hand squeezing the cold handle.
"Does it have to be right now? I could use a bit of your help here right now!" Rainbow Dash rotated halfway and pointed at a... sleeping crocodile?! What the bloody hell!? "What could be more important than helping your daughter in her time of need?"
"...I don't know." I answered dumbly.
Rainbow Dash was still suspended in the air as she put her hooves onto her hips, irritated. "What do you mean you don't know? Are you lying just so you can ditch on me again?"
It's not every day that someone caught me with my hand in the cookie jar. Figuratively speaking, of course. And from Rainbow Dash? Color me slightly impressed; here I presumed every pony were as gullible as they'd come.
"Uh..." I mindlessly uttered, sweaty beads slowly forming and trickling down the side of my face.
Rainbow Dash leered at me. They say an angry woman leering at you is sort of a scary thing. But coming from a pony in this instance, it's not at all intimidating. "No, not this time!" She yelled.
Time was of the essence. I wanted- er no, NEEDED to get out of here as soon as possible before I get dragged into 'animal cleaning duty' again. I had to clean after the bear's "massive mess" the last time I did that. I didn't know what Fluttershy fed it, but damn whatever that creature ate almost made me pass out from the nauseating smell! And here I'd have to do it again? Two words. Screw. That.
Being the quick thinker I am, I tapped a finger on my chin profusely until, I kid you not, a dimmed light bulb appeared out of the blue and lit up above my head. I'd be lying if I said that'd be the first time it has happened. Gracious no. This was like the third time it did that. My initial response to it was bemusing, but the second time may have occurred to me that the longer I stayed here, the more I become affected by the magic, and oddly the 'toon effect'. Wouldn't surprise me if I see floating stars after I'd hit my head on something or vice-versa.
"You see uh," I started, eyes scanning the animal's growing destructive behavior. "Oh, don't you remember yesterday that we were running low on food?"
"We did?" Rainbow Dash queried. She turned to look at the bear that was now free from being stuck in the storage closet housed under the stairs, and there she spotted three empty sacks sprawled across the floor with labels on them; seeds, food and vegan mix (again if curious, a vegan mix bag has various dried vegetables and fruit used specifically for certain herbivores). "Huh. I didn't notice we ran out so quickly."
This elicited a facepalm from me. 'For Pete's sake, Rainbow Dash, now you're making me feel sorry for the animals more than you...'
The pegasus swiveled her sight back to me, her stern look softening a bit. "So you see," I played on a sly smile, "I recently remember why it was important for me to go out; we need to restock the animal's food supply. Perhaps that's the reason they're acting very cranky, they're hungry."
Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs and pondered it over. She then shot me a scrutinizing stare before coming to a conclusion. "Well... alright."
I brushed a hand through my hair, sighing inwardly and relievingly. "Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it." Not really.
"You better." Rainbow Dash said sternly.
I simply nodded. Without paying attention, head still peered over my shoulder, I pulled the door as recklessly swift as I could manage. The wooden gate swung fast and whacked the back of my head with such brute force.
I firmly bit my bottom lip and hissed a series of incoherent swears at the inanimate object.
"Oh my gosh, Dad, are you okay?!" Rainbow Dash cried as she witnessed the whole thing.
"I'm fine! Just tend the animals!" I bellowed, angry at my own carelessness. I could feel a swelled-up bump in the back of my head, throbbing. Fortunately I wasn't at that stage where I would've been seeing stars. 'God... damn it. That's going to sting tomorrow.' Rubbing the sore spot, I carefully lowered my head and stepped outside whereas from behind I slammed the door shut so hard that a hinge came loose. I huffed out a disgruntled sigh. "Shit... Guess I'll have to fix that when I get back."
A sudden, chilling gust of ice-cold wind went up my spine. Tucking my head down and folding my arms to keep them warm, I started treading the dirt path down into Ponyville, but something caught the corner my eye. It was small, a white speck floating downward. It softly landed on my forehead, greeting me with an icy touch. Snow? I didn't know the weather team was scheduled for any snow today. In the last month of summer... Craning my neck skywards, I saw that it was not the work of the weather pegasi as the clouds were arranged in a checkered pattern against the blue sky.
The sight of such nonsense only leads the suspicion back to Discord. "Damnit Discord." I scorned what could have been the umpteenth time this morning. I was so angry that steam practically billowed out of my ears. As I grumpily stomped my way toward Ponyville, another unfamiliarity caught my glimpse. There, mellowing on a lonely lilypad in the pond, sat a... orange? In disbelief, I squinted to make out the green-like toes and limbs the fruit had. The moment the thing croaked like a frog, I was taken aback and resumed walking toward Ponyville, pretending what I had seen was just my imagination.
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t.qkme.me/3s9zad.jpg
3491295 Priceless...
3491295 Also, did you like my version of 'Rainbow Dash bumping into the human' thing?
3491304
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/0/08/Rainbow_Dash_hits_a_sign_S01E21.png
3491318 *Nods twice*
so if they have cutie mark swap up shouldn't they have memories, therefore rainbow should be calling him father *snicker*
Wait with everyones memories switched assuming that this is basically the magical mystery cure shouldn't dash be 'remembering' him as her father?
3494639 I did take that into consideration. Maybe I'll edit that in whenever I have the time.
3494647 Alright sounds good :)
Anywho another good chapter I enjoyed can't wait for more as usual :P
3494659 You've commented on each chapter ever since the story's been published. For that, I will give you a highlight on the next chapter.
Earlier you wondered if there has been a fic where a human and Discord are friends. Well, this next chapter is going to develop an explanation to how Rick and Discord's friendship began, and how Fluttershy was the cause to make a strong connection between the two.
Hope you'll be eager for that.
3494779 Oh I have no doubt shy was a real help in making any kind of relationship between those two. xDD
Alright I'm hyped for the next. :3