My Dear Shy - Life in Equestria

by Keeper-of-Harmony

Chapter Fourteen

The time for the coronation draws nearer. About an hour and a half, to be exact. When Twilight had noticed how much time had passed, she became a tad panicked. And that's putting it mildly. It was at that moment she left right away but not before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. Let me recall how it went down.

---

It was right after I had descended the stairs, chagrined from what transpired in the bathroom. While my daughter found my suit bizarre, as she knew well enough that I favor the colors black and gray, Twilight found it rather adorable. I swore to myself that Discord would get his just desserts.

It was some minutes later that I suddenly remembered about the coronation. "Anyway, as it just occurred to me, how many hours are left until the coronation?" I asked. "I kind of lost the track of time."

Twilight's serene smile vanished in an instant; her ears fell behind her head, eyes broadly widened, pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks, the corners of her mouth sagged in horror, Twilight squished her cheeks with the flat of her hooves and gasped. "OH MY GOSH! I completely forgot all about the coronation!" The alicorn mare ran up to me and pushed herself onto her hind legs, putting her forehooves on my chest. She shook me wildly until my eyes were spinning dizzily. "Why didn't you remind me!?" she shouted.

"I-"

Twilight landed back down on her fours and bolted to the nearest window she could find, observing the sun's position in the clear sky with scrutiny. "It must have been nearly two hours, or an hour and a half at the very least!" she cried. "How could I have been so absentminded?!'

I raised a finger, mouth still agape. "Well, I-"

I got cut off once more. "And I've yet prepared!" Twilight cried as she immediately bolted out the cottage's front door before I had the chance to say anything else. She quickly flew back in and was fluttering right in front of my face a millisecond later. "Sorry, I almost forgot!" She lightly pecked me on the cheek. "Alrightgottagoseeya!" With that, she zoomed out of the house in a purple blur.

I idly stood by and watched her figure sink into the horizon, blinking multiple times. I shook out of my stupor as I rubbed my cheek where Twilight pecked on, muttering to no one in particular. "Well then..."

---

There you have it.

My daughter has a similar reaction to Twilight's since she wasn't fully prepared as well, so she rushes into the bathroom upstairs to do her touch-up while I lounge on the sofa. It might have taken roughly around thirty minutes by the time she has finished as she flies down the stairs.

"I'm sorry, Father!" she shouts. It isn't much of a shout. It's more along the line of talking loud in a graceful kind of way.

"Don't worry about it," I pardon, slowly walking outside with a hand gripping the door's handle at the ready. "If we hurry a little, I'm sure we can make up the time."

Fluttershy slows once she passes the threshold. She signals me with a quick nod. I nod at her back and close the door. We finally begin walking down our path to Ponyville.

Oh, right: I remember the part in Twilight's plans that we are to rendezvous at the Golden Oaks Library where a carriage would be waiting to take us to Canterlot. It hasn't crossed my mind until this recently.

---

We have almost arrived at our destination, although we had to quicken our pace from time to time. I'm sweating profusely, and the answer is simple: the unadulterated heat of the summer sun plus the trip walking to Ponyville.

'My God, I'm gonna have two fried nuggets in my pants by the end of the day.'

I'm practically panting with a tongue lolling out of my mouth. I swear I can feel a stream of sweat running down the back of my left leg. My pits are in no better condition, either. I have to find some sort of shade otherwise my suit is going to be ruined.

Fluttershy merrily trots along beside me, somehow unaffected by this god-forsaken heat. I highly reckon the ponies here are used to these intense temperatures. I guess my body has yet to be adjusted enough, despite a month's worth of walking from the cottage to the lake and back. Then again, I haven't eaten anything since last night and earlier today.

Fluttershy is evidently moving ahead of me while I'm losing stamina at a dangerous rate. My feet feel like lead as if I'm wearing iron boots given I've been trudging rather than walking. My whole figure slumped, both shoulders sagging and arms hanging limply near to the ground, I pant heavily as I try my best to keep up.

But I end up falling forward as my chin hits the ground first. I speak in a dry, hoarse voice. "I don't think I can make it, my dear Shy..."

My daughter stops for a moment and turns halfway, looking down at me, perplexed. "But, Dad-"

"The heat! It's unbearable!" I croak. "Go, my dear Shy! Go on without me!"

"But, Dad," Fluttershy repeats, "we're here..." She slowly lifts a pointing hoof at the Golden Oaks Library several feet ahead, and there outside in front of the treehouse with confused stares are Twilight Sparkle and a duo of well-attired stallions, all standing beside an ornate white carriage and wooden wheels trimmed with gold paint.

One of the stallions has a dullish-grey coat. He also has a black mane and tail and has yellow eyes. The second stallion has the same mane as the former, but his coat being chocolate-brown and has cobalt-colored eyes instead.

Each of them, save Fluttershy, look at me bemusedly. Red my face is, by the account of the scorching heat and overwhelming shame, my cheeks flush in an even darker red as I fumble getting back up.

I brush the dusty dirt off of me and stand upright with one arm behind my back and speak articulately as I could with a bow. "Evening, Twilight. Evening, gentlecolts." I fake a lavish smile, but the two stallions still have their brows aloft in bewilderment.

There is an awkward silence between the three of us, that is until Twilight clears her throat to prevent any more awkwardness than there could've been.

"So glad you two could make it," Twilight says cheerfully. "And only one minute, point twenty-three seconds late."

And the stallions are still staring...

"I'm terribly sorry," Fluttershy says guiltily. "I was in the bathroom getting ready and I wasn't aware how long I was in there. My Father and I hurried here as quickly as possible."

And they're still staring... Starting to get old and aggravating.

Twilight chuckles with a dismissive wave of her hoof, smiling brightly. "No trouble at all!" she says. "We can compensate by taking the carriage right away."

I break from my staring contest with the stallions and look at Twilight. "Great!" I say, enthusiastically. The faster we get these punks out of my face, the better. "Let's get this thing rolling."

The two speechless stallions continue fixing me with those dumb stares of theirs, and it's gotten to a point that I have developed an eye twitch.

"Um..." Fluttershy coughs nervously at my twitch, "yes, let's get to it." Fluttershy pokes me on my thigh. "Father?"

I glance down at my daughter, shaking off my aggravation. "Right, right. Sorry."

With that said, Twilight and Fluttershy are the first to hop inside the carriage, I being the last, but not before I give the two stallions another daggering glare.

They nervously gulp, sweating bullets as they dutifully gear up in their harnesses in a matter of seconds.

Got to say, this vehicle is mainly designed for ponies as getting in required me to bend down almost halfway. I've taken up one whole side of the carriage while Twilight and Fluttershy sit on the other side comfortably fine together.

The entire carriage lurches forward once the stallions begin their pulling. I barely hear them mumbling something offensive that I wouldn't like to repeat, knowing it involves me. I shrug... for now, anyway.

I have a leg folded over my thigh, as it is slightly cramped inside the carriage. I'm relieved all I have to do is keep my head down with my chin on my chest. Well, relieved as I didn't have to stay bent during the whole ride. My neck's already aching the first minute of our road trip.

"Oh, this is so exhilarating," Fluttershy says conversationally. "My best friend is going to be crowned as an official princess."

"Mhmm," Twilight genially hums at my daughter's comment. Twilight looks to me. "What do you think, Rick?"

I make a short grunt before replying. "I think it's, hng, great."

Trust me, the discomfort is only the least of my worries. My major concern is what I will be going to do at the buffet. I know Twilight and I have already compromised what I was going to do, but what am I to do when I run out of nice things to talk about?

We run across a small bump, which causes me to knock my head on the top of the carriage. I wince with a hiss, rubbing the new sore spot. Both Fluttershy and Twilight notice this.

"You okay, Father?" Fluttershy asks.

"It's fine, my dear Shy. Just a tiny bonk on the head. No big deal," I insist. I shift a bit to get rid of the numbness in my ass. "It's just sitting like this isn't... comfortable."

"I do apologize, Rick," Twilight says, "this was the only biggest one they have."

"As I said, it's no big deal," I lie. I don't want Twilight or my daughter to worry over something trivial. Reassured, the mares resume their pithy conversation, though I can hear the two stallions indistinctive sniggering outside. I growl inwardly, suspicious that the bump was nothing but intentional.

---

During the ride, and a bump or two that followed after that first one, I ask of Twilight why she couldn't have just zapped us to Canterlot from Ponyville with a whip of her teleportation magic. That would have saved a lot of time! Frankly, she could have, but it involves the measurement of yards, coordinations of the location and yadda yadda yadda.

Not trying to be rude, although I inadvertently would by replying "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" and nod every so often because I couldn't understand a single thing she has said.

I think Twilight knew I've lost interest in the middle of her rambling but she kept at it anyway. I wasn't really trying to be rude. It's just that I lost her the minute she'd go in technobabble of numbers and whatnot.

Mathematics is not my cup of tea. Especially the advanced mathematics.

In conclusion, my version of her elaboration is: "It's really, really far away and it'd be all but impossible to transfer more than two people across that distance with the magic I have."

Anyway, our trip to Canterlot has taken around thirty minutes, leaving us a whopping remainder of thirty-three minutes before the coronation would start just as Twilight estimated. Before our arrival, Twilight explained that we'd rendezvous with Rarity and Spike inside Celestia's castle since they have the gowns prepared for the coronation. As it turns out, Twilight was informed by the two stallions (who were Rarity's acquaintances, go figure) that her other friends have been idling at Canterlot for some time, so it's no doubt that we're the company they're waiting on.

I'm also somewhat surprised that Twilight isn't tense or anxious when she's going to have to recite a speech in front of the entire city's populace. On the contrary, she is rather eager for it.

The carriage immediately comes to a rough halt.

I'm the first to quickly exit the vehicle, stretching my arms and legs to purge the cramp out of them. After stretching, I glimpsed at the scene laid before me...

The thick walls ahead are white, standing exceptionally tall like a human giant. Guards, clad in shiny gold armor, patrol the top of the castle's walls, marching to and fro, their stern gaze never wavering. Long, finely tapered horns protrude from their heads, and they look almost as sharp as spear tips. Pegasus guards are flying in tight formations overhead, but the ambiance is one of happiness and joy among the capital's citizens. As it typically should be in a magical land of sunshine and rainbows...

Between the walls is a giant, ornate double-door with intricate details that are difficult to delineate. They're opened, allowing the affluent ponies full entry to the castle. Each of the ponies has their own unique hairstyle (or manestyle, I don't know) yet few are wearing suits virtually identical to mine, except on the apparent fact that their suits are black...

Black is a depressing choice of color, my ass.

What makes matters worse, knowing it would happen, is that I'm drawing plenty of attention more than I would have liked or expected to. The expressions on their faces are ranging from pure curiosity to amused curiosity. It's like my pride and honor have taken a katana and committed seppuku.

Twilight and Fluttershy sidle beside me, thus taking my attention away from the surrounding crowd.

Twilight gazes at the two of us before sighing calmly. "Well, Rick, Fluttershy, it's only a matter of time until I'm the newly-crowned princess of Equestria.

"Fluttershy," Twilight looks at my daughter sentimentally, "this wouldn't have been achievable without you and the others. I remember back when I first came to Ponyville, I always thought that making friends would have been a waste of my time. I was so caught up in Nightmare Moon's return that there wouldn't have been enough time to make friends.

"But I was wrong. If I hadn't met you guys, Equestria would've been plunged into an eternal night even up to this day, not to mention what would have happened if it was perpetual night and Discord showed up... Instead, the power of our friendship reunited Celestia with her younger sister, and it was our friendship that prevented Discord from ruling over Equestria. We've managed to reform him, and showed him how valuable friendship is.

"We overcame the trials that were thrown at us." Twilight then turns to me next, caressing my knee gingerly with her hoof. Admittedly, it's surprisingly soothing. "All those accomplishments have led down to this. I cannot thank you enough, Rick, and Fluttershy, for making this all possible for me."

Fluttershy leans over and hugs Twilight. "And we're thankful to have a wonderful friend like you, Twilight," Fluttershy says.

"Don't mention it," I say, looking away with a faint blush. After saying that, both sides of my legs are being cuddled. I look down to see the two ponies hugging them. I blush at the heartwarming display. "Alright, alright," I say with half-a-smile, "I get it. We all love each other."

The girls back away with a step, giving me warm smiles.

"We love you, Father," Fluttershy says happily.

"And I love you too, sweetie," I say to her.

Suddenly from our left is a stallion's voice, shouting with a slight grunt. "Twiley!"

We sequentially turn our necks to the source of his voice. To our surprise, it's some white, unicorn stallion squeezing past bundles of smartly-dressed ponies that are indistinctly conversating amongst themselves.

"Twiley!" The stallion repeats in delight. "There's my younger sister!"

With those additional words, my look of surprise quickly changes to horrified.

Perfect days are overrated anyways.

---

I should have expected something like this coming. I really should have. If it wasn't going to be Godzilla terrorizing Canterlot, or me becoming the hidden seventh element through some bullshit reason, it was going to be this.

I could probably rant this on for days, but time isn't going to do me any favors since the white stallion with a dark blue mane and tail is trotting up to us, a smile on his pale-white visage that broadens as the distance between us thin. I'm not quite sure if he has any idea about Twilight and me, but since he isn't angrily barreling towards me I can say with utter certainty that he probably doesn't.

"Twiley!" the stallion says chipperly, whose name eludes me for the time being, as he pulls Twilight in for a hug. "There's my sister who's soon-to-be-princess!"

"Twiley?" I titter. "What a silly nickname."

Even though I was sure to make that remark quietly as possible, the stallion's ears prick and snaps his attention to me. I really should just speak my thoughts mentally rather than speak them verbally. Die-hard habit, I guess one could say.

He squints at me for several seconds. "Ah," he finally speaks, eyes slightly widening upon realization. "So this is the human you've mentioned several times before, Twiley?" He and Twilight part from their familial embrace, and looks at me curiously. "I know my sis mentioned things here and there but you look far different than how I pictured you... uh-"

"Rick," I finish curtly. "And, how exactly, did you picture me?" I inquire.

"Well," Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, as my memory has caught up to me, rubs the back of his neck with a chuckle. "I pictured you more... hairy. An ape."

I snort in slight annoyance. "You wouldn't be the first to make that inane deduction," I say.

"I mean, you do stand up like one and your anatomy kind of resembles one," Shining Armor states innocently.

I sigh and rub my left temple, doing my level best to refrain myself from acting out in rage. I know it is not something to get too worked up about but trust me when I say this that whenever you walk around and almost everyone would compare you to a poop-throwing animal, it gets obnoxious.

I don't care what scientists say, it's baffling to even theorize that humans have evolved from apes. I'm not the religious type, mind you. I like to think things logically, and my logic tells me that if we have evolved from apes, then why do we still have them around?

"And what did Twilight's descriptions of me gave you that ludicrous idea?" I ask, tone dripping venom.

"Uh..." is all that Shining Armor could utter as he gazes me with a perplexed look on his blank face. It's like he's trying to wrap his head around as to what he has done to make me glower at him.

"Well?" I say as I cross my arms and tap my left foot.

Before Shining Armor could speak another word, Twilight bumps between the two of us and hurriedly points him towards the castle's entrance.

"Oh, look at the time! Perhaps you should be on your way," Twilight says with a nervous smile, gently shoving her brother forward. "Gotta get ready for the coronation, you know. We can continue conversations at the buffet!"

"Uh, sure. Okay. Um. I guess I'll see you later then, sis," Shining Armor says. The stallion leans in for a quick hug and departs, disappearing into the crowd of ponies, leaving me alone with the two girls.

The immediate Shining Armor walks out of earshot, Twilight twirls around and glares fiercely at me.

"What in the hay was that?!" Twilight angrily questions.

"Hey!" I retort with a pointing finger. "If you were in my shoes, you'd get pi-pardon-mad for being referred to an ape more than the times you can count!"

"It still doesn't excuse the fact that that's my brother!" Twilight angrily counters.

"I don't flippin' give a hoot. The fact is that every time I walk around, it's the usual: "Hey there alien from a strange world that looks vaguely resembling an ape, how are you doing?". It has gotten old since day one, and now it's just irritating. Sorry to say this but your brother is no exception."

"Please, Rick," Twilight begins, "if we're to make this work, I need you to act on your best behavior. It's only for today, okay?" I remain silent as I snort. She then looks up at me and clapped her hooves together, pouting. "Please?"

Okay, I'll have to set my manhood aside to say that that is adorable. Of course, it'll never be on par with Fluttershy's pouting.

I give it a thought, turn away for a second to snort, and then turn right back to Twilight. I run a palm from my forehead down to my chin. "...Fine," I sigh. Twilight smiles upon my acquiescence. "I'll try my very best to behave. But if your brother ever mentions-"

"Don't worry," Twilight interrupts, "I'll make sure everypony is duly noted."

My face slightly softens. "That'd be cool." I slightly glance away. "And..." I start, scratching the back of my neck, "I... apologize for the retort."

"I understand. Fluttershy did mention about your temper problem. Promise me though you won't do anything rash today?"

"Just so as long as things go swimmingly, there won't be any further issue."

"I'm sure things will go swimmingly, so there's no need to worry." Twilight sighs. She takes a quick step forward before examining me, her eyes shifting slowly up and down. "You know, you look smart in that outfit," Twilight adds with a giggle.

My face flushes red with a slight grimace. "Thanks..." I say with a self-deprecating smile. "They happen to be my work clothes."

"They look rather fancy to be your work clothes. How much did they cost, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Mmm," I hum thoughtfully. I couldn't remember how expensive my suit and pants were. It's been so long since I had these, and I always ensured throughout the years they were treated nicely as if they were a Ferrari. Maybe a Ferrari isn't the right comparison to use, but it's the only thing I can think up in this instance. Anyway, all I know that the suit and pants weren't cheap. And it was worth every penny. "I can't necessarily remember. Whenever the memory comes around, I'll let you know," I reply.

"Very well," Twilight says with a single nod. "So, shall we?" Twilight asks.

"Lead the way," I say as Twilight trots ahead.

My daughter follows behind me, who is strangely being quiet all of a sudden.

While I am concerned, I've reminded myself about the coronation, and Twilight isn't one to be late on such a life-changing event. I'll have to ask of my daughter's silence later. Then again, it's not uncanny how bashful my daughter can be, given the 'shy' in her name. Although she is usually vivid whenever I'm around, hence the reason why her period of silence has me filled with bewildered concern.

For that matter, another concern crosses my mind...

Will there be any meat at the buffet?

---

Twilight ushers the way as Fluttershy and I follow closely behind. Thankfully, the massive crowd of ponies disperses to allow us a clear pathway to the castle's entrance. I reckon it may have to do with recognizing Twilight being an alicorn or something. The wall of ponies on both sides cheer for Twilight. Some have jovial smiles. Some cheerfully wave. Some throw livid glares in my direction, to which I spare no effort to ignore.

Inside my brain, there's an irrational part of me that desperately wants to sock the living daylights out of them. But the rational part reminds me of what Twilight said earlier ago. All I have to do is endure this for several more hours of today. Several hours... No problem...

Scanning my left and right, I spot a particular gray pegasus and a light lavender unicorn filly by her side among the bustling crowd of fancy ponies. She's wearing a plain, adorable black dress; the sleeves extend halfway down to the knees of her forelegs, the skirt covering her entire backside with her folded wings protruding out the sides of it. Her blonde mane is curled up much like a bun but with three meticulous coils in different sections of the said bun, an unfamiliar hairstyle yet one I assume required a skilled stylist to perfect. Wouldn't have surprised me if Rarity would have been behind that. As for Dinky: she wears a small red dress identical to her mother's. Her mane, however, remains untouched and looks just as it was the last time we saw each other.

I smirk. 'Well I'll be damned.'

Because I've looked in her direction, Ditzy happens to notice me. Her mouth opens to a bright, cheerful smile as she waves a hoof at me. Her daughter, Dinky, does her best to reach her hoof high to the sky so I'd acknowledge her. She doesn't have to worry; I already saw her the second I saw Ditzy.

I want to saunter over and ask how they're doing, but I get a light tug on the collar by Twilight's magic, knowing that now isn't the best of time. I hope I'll get a chance to speak to them.

We eventually pace through the wall's threshold and escalate up the stairs where we approach an even bigger pair of opened doors, thankfully unguarded. Why am I thankful it is unguarded? To put it short, I kinda got in a pickle with the royal guards. It may have happened, I don't know, sixteen days ago. Regardless, here's my advice: never, and I mean never, get into trouble with these guys, because you don't want to end up like poor old me when it came to a cavity search.

Finally, we've entered the castle, and much like Celestia's throne room, the whole area is exceptionally expansive and fabulously regal. It's so damn big I could practically fit a house in it. Now if only I have the strength of an insane person.

Ahead there is Rarity and Spike idly standing at the center of the area. They spot us out of the corner of their eye and then amble towards our direction. Spike is carrying a bright pink business suitcase -- my guess that it contains Twilight's gown -- 'clawtched' tightly between his scaly little arms.

Get it? Clawtched, as in...

...Ah to hell with it.

"So delightful you've arrived on time, Darling," Rarity says. Halting before us, Rarity ignites her horn and levitates the baggage out of Spike's grip, over to Twilight, and snaps the suitcase open, revealing the dress within. There isn't much to look at, as the gown is folded in a pink square.

Receiving an affirmative nod from Twilight, Rarity quickly closes the suitcase and beckons us to follow. Fluttershy, Twilight, and Spike amble ahead while I follow a couple of feet behind, minding my own business and all that jazz.

"So is everything all set up?" Twilight asks, with the pink suitcase wrapped by Rarity's magic floating next to her.

"Of course, Darling," Rarity answers. "Applejack handled the desserts. Pinkie Pie handled the festivities with the help of Rainbow Dash. I even managed to make the dresses right at the last minute. Everything's all according to plan."

"Perfect!" Twilight replies exuberantly. "All there's left now is the coronation."

Meanwhile, as Rarity and Twilight converse something about whatever, Fluttershy slows her pacing until she's by my side. We don't exchange any words for a minute, that is until my daughter finally breaks the silence.

"This is just amazing," Fluttershy comments with a small smile.

"Hm?" I question in a hum.

"Everything that's happened; I just can't believe Twilight's an alicorn now. Well, I do believe it but at the same time, it's unbelievable having a princess for a friend. What do you think, Father?" Fluttershy inquires, looking up at me.

"To tell you the truth, I'm still surprised about all of this. I mean, never in my mind did I expect to be living on an actual cartoon universe full of technicolor ponies. Heck, it's far more surprising having a pony as your girlfriend. Practically surreal."

"I see," Fluttershy says. "So you still miss Earth, Father?"

I hum thoughtfully. "Somewhat," I simply reply.

"Somewhat?" my daughter asks, tilting her head slightly with a cocked brow.

"Somewhat as in that I kinda miss it but at the same time don't. You see, my dear Shy, I wasn't exactly your social kind of guy; I never liked being around people, that or they never liked being around me. Likely the latter." I gaze up at the ceiling high above and exhale a wistful sigh. "But I lived several good years there. I had a mediocre job to pay out all the bills. I lived in a home away from everybody else and watched cartoons to my heart's content."

"Oh," Fluttershy mutters. "Do you... Um. Do you like living here then?"

I gingerly tap an index finger on my chin. "I... I'm not exactly sure how to answer that, but, long as I'm with you, my dear Shy, I'll always be happy. No matter where I am."

And there, my daughter gives me the brightest, infectious smile I ever have seen her do today. She then leans in and nuzzles the side of my thigh. I return the sentiment by combing my fingers through her soft mane, looking down at her with an even wider, fatherly smile.

---

And so we -- Fluttershy, Rarity, Spike, Twilight and I -- continually walk down the marble-floored hallway for what almost feels like an eternity, although I'm sure it's only been like several minutes. The echoes of my footsteps, as well as the frequent squeaks from my sneakers, resonate down the spacious corridor. There is no telling where the end is nor the start wherever we were at, almost like those neverending hallway shenanigans you'd see in silly cartoons. I wonder how close we are to our destination as my feet are beginning to feel sore. After several more steps, Rarity subtly makes a halt right in front of a wooden door, this one door which bears literally no difference from twenty of its brethren that we've already passed. And yes, I've been counting, thank you very much.

"Here we are!" Rarity chimes. "Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack should be inside this room."

"Uh..." I start with a raised finger, which gains their attention. "Pardon me for saying this, but, you're absolutely certain that this is the right door?"

"Whatever do you mean, Darling?" questioned Rarity, using a hoof to put her curly mane back in place.

"Gee, I don't know. Ever noticed how every blasted door here looks exactly the same as all the others? Heck, it doesn't seem to have a slab or anything. I mean, unless you have an infallible recall. That there would be quite impressive."

"Why of course I'm certain this is the right door," Rarity assures. "Hold this for me would you, Spike?" she asks as the suitcase held by her magic floats down to Spike, to which he eagerly makes a grab for it. Her horn flares up again as the door's iron handle is coated in a blue aura, and with little magical force, it creaks open like nails dragging down a chalkboard intermittently. As luck would have it (if there was any, to begin with), there's Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash inside...

I pinch the bridge of my nose, whispering to myself. "Why doesn't this surprise me at all? It's a bloody cartoon; everything is freakin' scripted."

"Howdy!" greets Applejack, followed by Pinkie Pie's joyous "Hello!" as she waves her pink hoof vibrantly.

Rainbow Dash, however, has a scowling frown when she sees me. She then turns her tail to me and humphs, snout in the air.

"Seriously, Rainbow? Still not over that whole 'me slamming a pan in your face' thing from yesterday?"

"What?!" Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack and Twilight blurt in unison, aghast. All except for Spike and Pinkie Pie, they do their best suppressing themselves from giggling. At least I am glad I'm not the only one thinking it's funny.

"What in tarnation were you thinking?!" Applejack asks.

I quickly hold my hands up. "Hold your horses, girls. Before you all get your tails tangled up into knots, she technically flew into the pan. The girl was ignoring me when I was trying to get her attention."

"And you thought putting up a pan to fly into was the best solution?" Rarity argues.

"Yes," I reply with a shit-eating grin.

"Dad!" my daughter exclaims with a soft stomp. I mean so soft she doesn't even make a sound. "Apologize to Rainbow Dash!"

I again hold my hands up, waving them a little bit. "All right. All right," I say, taking a step toward Rainbow Dash. I huff out a sigh with a slight roll of my eyes. "Rainbow Dash..." I mumble with a cringe.

"Father..." Fluttershy pronounces my name in an assertive tone, a tone like that of a supervising parent. Funnily ironic.

Huffing another sigh, I recompose and start once more stoically. "Rainbow Dash. I, Rick, stand here before judging eyes," as I am referring to the ponies and baby dragon, "sincerely apologize for smacking a pan right into your face. So we cool? Hip? Whatever it is you say around here."

The cyan pegasus barely shoots me back a look, but I could have sworn the corner of her lip has a smirk. She swivels around until she is facing me, that smirk of hers now fully visible.

"Mmm, yeah. We're cool, dude," Rainbow Dash says. "But there's one thing you gotta do, just so it's solid."

I slightly lean forward, raising a brow. "And what might that be...?"

The cyan pegasus takes flight and hovers over until she is about an arm's length from me. I reactively back up a single step, unsure whatever it is Rainbow Dash intends to do. I somewhat flinch when she stretches a hoof at me. I blink, wondering if she is pointing at me because, honestly, it's hard to discern their gestures without fingers. Nevertheless. Whatever her intention is, I hope it doesn't involve degrading myself in front of everyone.

"Hoof Bump," Rainbow Dash says.

I blink dumbly. "Beg your pardon?"

"Hoof Bump," Rainbow Dash repeats. "It's to show we're cool. Y'know, water under the bridge and sort? Don't you guys have that sort of thing where you're from?"

Okay... First of all, how Rainbow Dash knew that we fist bump as a friendly gesture has me a bit curious. Secondly, if this is what bronies call a ‘brohoof’, and being that I'm not a brony…

"How ‘bout you go shove a pole up your plot," is what I reply.

Now everyone would be thinking in their head that my response may have been an overreaction, and they'd be right. Heck, I could just imagine the thousands of them face-palming simultaneously.

Everything goes abruptly silent. I look around, and everyone’s eyes are all widened in pure shock, including Spike whose lower jaw drops to the floor hard as an anchor that I swear it even sounded like one when it made an impact.

...

That was how I simulated the ordeal in my brain if I DID say that. What actually happens is that I internally groan and, much to my chagrin, I ball my hand into a fist and... gingerly pound my fist to the flat of her hoof. Everybody gives me cheerful smiles and approving glances, especially my daughter, glancing at me most proudly. In a way, I feel like I lost my pride and dignity completely but making my daughter happy is certainly worth the humility.

"So what're we waiting for? We got a coronation to attend to!" Applejack hollers.

With synchronized nods, five of the ponies and baby dragon, excluding Twilight and I, make an egress out the door to finally prepare for the big event, leaving us in the dust. Once they've left, the door slams itself shut behind them, and soon we are graced by sweet old silence.

"Well," Twilight says as she rubs her right foreleg. "Guess I should go get dressed. Don't want to keep everypony waiting." Her horn sparks and the suitcase lying on the floor where Spike once stood levitated over to the alicorn. "Y'know, my offer still stands," Twilight adds with a hip shake.

I shake my head. "Yeah," I drawl, "I'm good. Thanks."

"Pssst. Rick, perhaps you may have forgotten, but this seems like the aptest of timing to talk to Twilight..."

Oh, right!

I extend an arm out and softly holler at the lavender alicorn. "Hold on, Twilight!"

Twilight, already inside the bathroom, peeks her head out from the cracked opening. "Is there something the matter, Rick?"

"I, um..." I meekly begin, straining on the thought for an appropriate way to call her over. "If there is some time left... do you think we could possibly have a chat?"

Twilight's muzzle slightly frowns as she cocks an eyebrow. "A chat?" she asks, trotting out of the bathroom.

"Y-yeah," I stutter. "I have some things to go over with you... if it's not too much ask," I ask sincerely.

Twilight slowly trots out of the bathroom door and comes over to sit in front of me. I nod at her and yank away a stool from a nearby table. As I sit on the tiny stool, I stare down solemnly at Twilight Sparkle. She raises her gaze to meet mine, and I can tell just by gazing into her eyes she is brimming with anxiety.

"Twilight," I start with an impassive facade. I rest my elbows on my knees as I interlaced my hands, staring down at the floors.

"Yes, Rick?"

"I've been wanting to discuss with you about something; I want to tell you about what it is that I like about you and some other things before I get to the point. I also want to share a little about my history so you'd have a better understanding of me."

"Okay," Twilight replies with an earnest nod.

"I'm going to come out straight saying that I do like you, make no mistake about that. I want you to know that I like your affinity for knowledge and literature. You're blisteringly intelligent, and you have such fancy vocabulary that I at times wish I'd have the pleasure of knowing." I twiddle my thumbs a little, my gaze remains glued to the floor as I continue.

"I can somewhat relate: I was somewhat of an avid reader myself when I was younger. Books were the fundamental source of my imagination; I loved how the words brought the events to life inside my head, and I loved how they acutely described the ambiance, the actions, and the emotions down to the tiniest speck of detail. That and my adoration for cartoons.

"I was your typical, spritely kid, always seeing the positive side of things even when things were grim and dark. But all that came tumbling down when my foster parents told me who I really was; it was when I became thirteen years old that they revealed to me that I was adopted." I tighten my clasped hand as I shift a little on the stool. "My world kept rolling downhill when they further revealed I have Aspergers. I never liked the idea that I was... special; I never liked how different I was treated, or how I understood things differently.

"Throughout my teenage years, I was becoming socially distant, refusing to make any friends. Kids at the school would ridicule me because of how socially awkward I was. It got bad enough that my foster parents had to homeschool me. My foster father taught me how the world worked and influenced me to follow his harsh examples. By the time I was an adult and managed to land a job as a journalist, I saved up enough money so I could move out and afford a house. I was fortunate to have bought one far outside the city, where there would be no neighbors to pester me.

"I lived at that house for so many years in solitude that it made me bitter and selfish, and I always kept my distance from forming any friendships. I was a miserable introvert."

Twilight's eyes are glossy as she looks at me sympathetically.

"Rick, I didn't-"

"Please, I am almost finished," I plead, still maintaining my stoic expression. Twilight nods and gestures me to continue. "You should know that I'm far from being an innocent man. I've stolen people's jobs; I've spread false gossip that got some of my fellow employees fired so that I could move up and take their positions.

"So... now that I've disclosed all this to you, can you still say you like me?"

"Rick," Twilight begins softly, "I'm sure it has taken a lot of courage for you to tell me all of this. The pain you've gone through must have been such a burden, and I'm sorry it has taken a toll on you. But... that was the old you. What matters is the present you and all the great things you did."

Twilight gets up from her haunches and places a gentle hoof on my arm.

"You've atoned for all your wickedness when you saved and raised Fluttershy," Twilight continues. "From what she told me: you became a much better person throughout the years of raising her. You found the meaning of love and friendship, and you gave everything up just to be with her. That is the Rick I care about."

I never once have shed a tear. Rather, a small smile breaks out from my stoicism as I look up to meet her eyes with mine.

"I'm glad to hear those words, Twilight," I say softly. "And so now with all that said, I want to talk to you how I feel about the way you've been seducing me."

Twilight's eyes slightly widen as her face flushes. She retracts her hoof away from my arm. "Oh, yes... Well, you see," she starts sheepishly, "the reason I've been doing all of that is that I've done some reading..."

I frown a little. "Reading what, exactly?"

Twilight backs up a few inches and clops her hooves together with a sheepish smile. "I've been reading some fantasy romance novels that Rarity lent me. She also gave me some pointers that were..." Twilight's face glows deeper red "explicitly dirty, per se. I mean, I've never been in a relationship before so of course I listened to her."

My soft smile returns as I chuckle. "Well that was your biggest mistake. Sure she may have the experience but I don't think she's the right pony to turn to when it comes down to things like this. And I will be blunt to say that all that flirting and seduction doesn't tickle my fancy, Twilight. It made me uncomfortable."

Twilight frowns as her ears droop. "I'm sorry for doing that. You could at least have said something about it earlier."

I blush. "I was going to. But I didn't want to talk about it in public, you know?"

"Oh, yes, absolutely!" Twilight exclaims. "And I'm glad you're telling me this now! It's just that Rarity told me that by wooing you it'd probably help with your fear-"

"It's not a fear! I just find it taboo, is all!" I protest. I exhale a tired sigh. "Again I may have not chosen the right words or been clear of the things I've said earlier today. I would just like for us to start again from the ground up."

"That's actually okay by me!" Twilight beams.

I smirk and ruffle her mane a little. "Awesome. So what do you say tomorrow we just read together for our first date? Just to start things off simple?"

"That would be superb," Twilight happily agrees. Her smile then brightens more as she bounces around me shouting out Yesses in a celebratory manner.

I cross my arms and smirk at the bouncy egghead.

"You could have also told her that you were a bed wetter as a kid," my brain quips wryly.

How about you stop being a wet blanket and just let me enjoy this?

Comments

[Viper Pit]

This was sweet