The Quest for The Lost

A evil older then Luna or Celestia has returned and only one thing can stop it. With the help of a new friend with a dark past The Mane 6 go on a great quest that will test them and their friendship. It will take trust and willpower or all if Equestria will be lost to the darkness. Takes place between season 2 and 3

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Comments ( 5 )

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Csquared08

Csquared08 #1 · Mar 25th, 2013 · 2 · ·

OH MY GOD, THE PACING!

Seriously, dude. The pacing's going along at supersonic speeds. Slow down a moment and tell the story as it's meant to be told.

~An Old Train Conductor

Scribblestick

Scribblestick #2 · Mar 26th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Hello my little Bronies!

Hi... Pinkie or Discord?

This story is a little different that you're used to reading

I dunno, I've read a pretty wide variety of stuff.

Its just ~~that~~ in language maybe more colourful thatn you're used too.

I dunno, I've heard some pretty colorful stuff.

The tribes were at each other 's throats again.

Well, that makes "Hearth's Warming Eve" completely pointless.

The next chapter will be up when me and my proofreader are done

Sorry if this violates your "no flames" rule, but I'm going to be honest. There are a ton of technical errors you and your proofreaders are missing. Given that this is a legend, much like the Nightmare Moon legend in episode 1, I don't mind the pacing so much, but there are a ton of technical thins you need to fix.

Also, don't assume things about your readers. I've written stories that include slaughter, so it's safe to say your story isn't going to phase me with a little violence.

Winter Storm

Winter Storm #3 · Mar 26th, 2013 · · ·

Dat punctuation.

'Tis bad.

-Winter Storm
~An Old Train Trooper

Impress Me

Impress Me #4 · Mar 26th, 2013 · 1 · ·

I understand that you don't want any harsh comments so I'll just go ahead and suggest something. Get rid of your proofreader. He is BEYOND terrible and I am appalled that someone with his limited knowledge of the English language can work up the nerve to put this together and called it proofread.

“Hahahahahahahahaha! That tickled. Now I shall show you how strong my magic has become”
Lord Nexus glowed with an evil light. His eyes turn all white and before somepony could act he launched a spell that engulfed the king with a darkness. All that was left of King Nebula was his crown.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” was all could be hear from the queen, her daughters and the crowed.
“ HAHAHAHAHA Equestria is now mine!”

Holy hell this was beyond cheesy. I'm not trying to be rude but this needs an immediate redo. So much could have been put here but you never bother to EXPLAIN IT. Don't tell me what's happening with these cheesy one liners. SHOW ME......

"Hehehe.....HAHAHAHAHAHA!" A cold, cruel voice erupted from the smoke as the dust finally began to settle. The laugh of the evil lord echoed throughout the room as he stepped, unscathed, from the magical attack. His eyes began to glow a devilish red and his horn began to shimmer a sinister, green glow as he charged a spell of his own. "Did you really think THAT pathetic excuse for an attack was going to hurt ME? Allow me to show you TRUE power."
The gasps, shrieks and the cries from the audience seemed to fill the air. Their precious king's fate was absolute and all they could do was sit and watch. The evil lord gave off one last chuckle before his horn lit up once more, engulfing the king in a shroud of the darkness. As the king's armor rusted, the darkness made it's way into his fragile body, ripping him apart inside and out. In a matter of seconds, King Nebula had been reduced to dust.
With tears streaming down her beautiful face, the fair queen mustered up as much magic as she could and fled, with her precious daughters and her loyal subjects in tow.
"You can run as far as you want to, but I'll find you eventually. It's only a matter of time." And with that, the evil lord dissipated into a dark cloud and fled the scene of his first victory.

Can you believe that this only took me about 8 minutes to throw together? This story is in desperate need of work.

Lyssa

Lyssa #5 · Mar 26th, 2013 · · ·

There have been a lot of comments about this, but I agree: there needs to be a big change in the grammar and spelling. There are a lot of basic mistakes (you're/your, to/too, etc) that I seem to see a lot. Being somewhat of a grammar nazi, it kinda gets on my nerves. However! I really like the ideas you're putting out. Maybe slowing down a little and adding a few more romantic details could be better than it already is :)

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