• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 23rd, 2018

Shadowponyty


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In the land of Equestria there were tales of dark times and war raged throughout the land the problem was due to the dark kingdom of ponies who's evil was greater than anything anypony could have seen. The dark kingdom was sealed by princess Celestia forcing the evil ponies to stay inside the walls as long as they were evil but one dark pony was not there to be sealed but he was later caught and sealed in an ancient tree in the everfree forest the pony was left there for centuries and everyone soon forgot about the dark ponies evil.
Over a centuary has past since then and peace filled the land of Equestria, but it will soon be interupted when the Dark pony Alucard finds a way out of his tree prison and enters the human world he is met by two boys who chase after him but they are then flung into a portal and awaken as ponies themselves.
Evil will soon plague the land of Equestria if it is not stopped along with Twilight and her friends the two humans must stand with them to stop the dark pony Alucard but what price must they pay in order to defeat him.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 8 )

I read the description, and I only have one thing to say:

Wat

the Dark pony Alucard

Oh, joy.

In Equestria there existed a giant tree in the Everfree forest, this tree is said to have certain magical properties that have unimaginable power unknown to the ponies of Equestria no one has dared to go near it because of the rumours about it throughout Equestria apparently the magical properties around this tree was dark and great evil could be sensed from inside of the tree, therefore it is forbidden to ever go near the tree that is now known as “The great Tree of Everfree”.

There are five sentences here. No, really, I found them:

In Equestria, there existed a giant tree in the Everfree forest. This tree is said to have certain magical properties that have unimaginable power unknown to the ponies of Equestria. No one has dared to go near it because of the rumours about it throughout Equestria. Apparently, the magical properties around this tree was dark and great, evil could be sensed from inside of the tree. Therefore, it is forbidden to ever go near the tree that is now known as “The great Tree of Everfree”.

Here's an easy way to know when your sentence should end. Every sentence should express one thought. Once you finish that thought, you should push the "period" key and start a new one. For example:

There's a big tree in the Everfree forest.
It has super powerful magic properties.
Ponies are afraid of it and its reputation.
The tree is decidedly evil.
Ponies aren't allowed to go near the tree.

As you can tell, this is how I took your giant paragraph-sentence and made it more manageable. Follow this guideline, and you too will be able to write in a way that doesn't induce headaches. :pinkiehappy:

Beyond that, we have a standard human-goes-through-portal story with the usual ponyfication, though the addition of an evil unicorn stealing McDonald's is new. I honestly skimmed most of it, because a couple guys hanging out isn't all that riveting.

Sorry about that i will try to be more careful in my new chapters thanks for pointing out this flaw for me

Comment posted by Alicorn deleted Nov 23rd, 2018
Comment posted by Shadowponyty deleted Apr 8th, 2013

2394782
What do you mean why? if you have a problem with it sorry I'm just putting this up for fun because i like making my own little stories so yay :yay:

I dont really get why people are being so negative about this fic, everypony has to start off and fic writing is not easy especially when people get critical so personally i think this fic should be continued, whilst action is exciting characters need to be known and im sure as it goes on they will become endearing. Love what you've done so far as long as you watch your sentences ive no doubt it will remain great! - PPyro

Working on chapter 6 guys if you want to see it leave a like or a comment it helps motivate me a lot sorry if its taken a long time just found a job and going through some things in life.

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