A civil war in Equestria leads to fighting, heroics, and sacrifice. What must be lost for harmony?
I was inspired by ShinePaw's fantastic work to write a piece for it. All credit for the fantastic art is ShinePaw's, and I had nothing to do with it and make no claims on it.
The fantastic piece is here: http://shinepawart.deviantart.com/art/I-ll-protect-you-206510081
though I'm sure many of you have seen it.
A sad story for a great drawing. The story was written after the coronation, which is why it has Princess Twilight and the art has the original one.
Chapters (1)
First reaction: CHRAEG!!!
M'kay then, hope you can take some constructive criticism! Because, well, I have a few things to say...if you don't mind...um...
ok i'll just get on with it then
There are a few comma use errors here and there, as well as inappropriate use of fragments mixed up with good use of fragments. It's not hard to fix; just get an editor (or read it over again yourself) and I'm sure you'll catch them. Also, you use ellipses a lot for some reason. They're not needed as much as you think.
Applejack's accent is a tricky thing, and authors are STILL debating over how much it should show in writing. Your written accent isn't as bad as most who try in the beginning, but in my humble opinion, if you're trying to write Applejack, less is more. (Of course, there are exceptions, but the vast majority of Applejack writers start off by making her accent too strong. Just warning you there.) In particular, there's a place where you used "yur", which is quite unorthodox and will have many readers laughing at the sheer absurdity. If you're going to write that in, at least use "yer" instead. "Ya are" is another unorthodox example, usually replaced by "yer" as well.
Your opening is a bit sporadic. OK, so we've got Applejack, Fluttershy, Twilight and Rainbow Dash mentioned. Unfortunately, there are six Elements. My mind begins to scream, "Where the heck are Pinkie Pie and Rarity??" A broad opening like this one should touch on all the different parts of the situation, and you're missing a crucial part.
Finally (and prepare for my wrath), your ending. HOLY MOTHER OF FREAKING
It's a cliffhanger! WHHHYYY
Ok, let me calm myself down and say why it's so bad that you end this in a (probably unintentional) cliffhanger. Basically, it kinda sorta leaves the reader going, "WHAT? B-B-BUT–" The expectation here is that since it's a Tragedy/Sad fic, the fic will finish on a down note. And while it does, to a degree, it ends on a note of vagueness as well. The reader is supposed to infer that Applejack will die. (Cue minor chord
) However, we don't actually see her dying. This undermines the story's impact IMMENSELY. Perhaps you could have Twilight come back and see AJ's broken body. Maybe you can have Twilight have to talk to AB about it. One thing's for sure (at least in my mind): the story is that much weaker for not killing off Applejack decisively. Story, grow some spine and take the tragedy HEAD ON!
OK, my rant about stuff you could do better is over. Let's go to stuff you did well!
While I'm not a huge fan of the present tense, I admit it does have its uses. One is immersing the reader in the setting at hand, and you do that quite well here. I particularly like the way you describe the silence of Sweet Apple Acres.
While I've taken my shots at the opening, it serves well as a lead into the actual story. It's well done, and lays out the situation very clearly, so that anyone who isn't a blockhead can easily understand the matter at hand.
Another is your formatting. It's very readable, and while some people might gripe about no breaks between paragraphs, the way it's formatted leaves it quite easy on the eyes. Well done!
Andddd that's all I got! Thanks for reading this!
And keep writing; it's one of the greatest things you can do! 
2220919
First of all, thank you *so* much for the wonderful critique!
It makes me really happy to see suggestions on where I can improve, as I know I'm a novice writer.
I need to look it over again, since you mention it, so thank you again!
The opening wasn't designed to tell everything, but I see where you're coming from, and should probably fix it.
Ending was meant to strongly imply, but you're right, and as a tragedy point, I'll probably add something to the end there for it.
Thank you again *so* much. I really, really like the comment/criticism, and I'd give you a muffin if I could!
Well, i'm new on this site and just started reading the stories here, this one was pretty good, short and still made me drop a tear. Keep it up :), Practice makes perfect.
2243712
Thanks, was fun to write!