Shining followed Grace through the woods to the lakes. From a distance he could see a yellow stallion with a brown vest and stenson bucking apples from a nearby tree. He bucked a little too hard and a good chunk of the apples were sent rolling into the lake. However, moments after they fell, fresh new apples grew in places of the old.
“I’m glad you’re making yourself at home here, Braeburn.” Grace said as she got closer to the stallion.
Braeburn put a hoof over his head and smiled sheepishly.
“Gosh, Grace, this realm of yours is almost as beautiful as Appleloosa. It’s almost like heaven.”
“Well, this is where the souls of the wild go when they die, but I’m afraid heaven’s a few dimensions past this one. The spirit world is a really big place. If I end up reaping both your souls, I’ll take you all to Valhalla and tell you about it over some ale.”
Both Shining and Braeburn tensed their muscles at the thought of getting reaped by such a kind and gentle soul like Grace. She noticed it and chuckled for a bit, but then let out a gasp.
“Oh, how rude of me,” said Grace. “I forgot to properly introduce the two of you. Braeburn, this Shining Armor. Shining Armor, this is Braeburn.”
Shining stretched out his hoof for a shake, which Braeburn accepted.
“It’s nice meet you, your highness,” said Braeburn cheerfully. “I had the luxury of meeting your sister a few years back. ‘Course that was before she got those purdy wings of hers I’ve been seeing in the papers.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Braeburn. It was an awfully nice thing you did to risk your life for those miners. I’m sorry all this had to happen to you.”
Braeburn" shrugged.
“Why apologise? All this was my decision, not yours. My only regret is that the ponies of Appleoosa won’t be able to get the cherry seeds on time.”
“Well, I’m glad the two of you got a chance to meet before the trial.” said Grace cheerfully before her smile turned into a frown.
“But I’m afraid we need to hurry and get everything settled. If we don’t finish in time, the bat pony will think you've both been taken and bury your bodies alive.”
When she finished speaking, her smile quickly returned to her face.
“Luckily I have already reviewed all the times you might have been kind or mean. All that’s left for us to start is for me to review them with you. Braeburn, since you were the first to arrive, I’ll begin with you.”
She turned her body and started at Braeburn.
“You have lived a very kind life, Braeburn. Even as a young colt, you were always eager to help others. When your town got into that dispute with the buffalos, you were one of the few who were eager to find a peaceful solution to the problem. And now you risked your life to save a group of ponies, knowing very well that you could have died. You are a shining example of what it means to be caring.”
She then turned to Shining and shook her head. “You, Shining, are a complicated case. Your early life is filled with nothing but kindness. The memories of your sister and the time you’ve spent together touched my heart. You make me wish I was a better sister to my siblings.”
She pauses for a moment before speaking.
“Unfortunately, you chose the life of a soldier, and have taken a violent approach to solving some of your problems. As a young colt, you loved fighting and idea of killing for one's country. You were so eager when you and your best friend Iron Duty were called upon to settle a conflict with the orcs.”
“Pardon me ma’am,” interrupted Braeburn, “But I don’t remember Equestria having an orc problem.”
“That’s because nopony likes to talk about it,” interjected Shining remorsefully. “Especially those who were involved. Basically, a bunch of orcs from the East Islands invaded Equestria without attempting to make peace. They raped, murdered, torched, and pillaged everypony they could get their dirty hands on. It was one of the ugliest atrocities that has taken place in recent history, considering the long period of peace the princesses have brought us."
“At the time, me and Iron were young and stupid. While Celestia ordered us to end the violence, the two of us were eager to be a part of it... To become like the champions of old. When we actually got there, our joy was replaced with rage at the carnage they wrought.”
“Appalled at what the orcs had done, me, Iron, and a bunch of other hotheads broke formation and began killing any orc we could get our hands on. We fought cruelty with more cruelty, and started inflicting as much pain on the orcs as they might have done to their victims. I regrettably let my anger go too far... I committed an act that even I thought I wasn’t capable of.”
Shining tried to continue but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth.
“I have to own up to this somehow. It would be so much easier to pretend like it never happened. Yet how could I forgive myself for becoming just as cruel as those pigs.
Grace put a hoof on Shining and smiled.
“I know you're sorry and you regret what you have done. I will take that into account, don’t worry.”
“It’s not the trial I’m worried about. I’m ashamed that I let myself get so carried away that I actually tortured a living creature to death. I never thought I was capable of that, but there were so many bodies in that village. Mares, foals, stallions... How many of them have lived their last moments in agony? At the time I thought what I did was right, but now I see I was no better than them.”
Shining’s voice now showed signs of anger, both for himself and the orcs.
“Long story short, I had to watch my best friend and half a dozen others die, and nopony even gives a shit anymore. The End!”
“Shining, I know what happened is upsetting, but it’s all part of the review. It’s meant to help you think about what it truly means to be kind. Trust me, you’ll have a better chance of succeeding if you know yourself better. Also, you can’t let the past weigh you down forever. You've grown up since the conflict and have since learned about ugly reality of war. Luckily the painful part of the review is over. The only other negative worth mentioning was when you told Twilight not to show up to your wedding.
Shining looked up at Grace’s eyes curiously.
She really must be kind if she can still look at me, knowing very well what I have done.
“The rest is all positives. You helped Shadow overcome his shyness about his appearance, and you risked getting captured by the guards in order to help the miners. With those things in mind, we are ready to begin.”
A wooden chalk board spouted from the ground behind Grace. The names of the two stallions were writting above in chalk, divided into brackets with tallies just below them.
Grace pointed a hoof at the the first set of tallies.
“As you can see, I’ve personally taken each of your life experiences and scored you on your acts of kindness. You can see in this first bracket that you each scored fairly close to one-another with Braeburn at two-hundred-eighty and Shining at two-hundred-seventy-five. Keep in mind that the bulk of your score, Shining, came from your early childhood.”
She lowered her hoof so that it was pointing to the second row of tally marks.
“However, in the meanness category, Shining scored a one hundred and five against Braeburn’s fifty. As I said before, I did try and put everything in perspective for the orc conflict, but at the same time I needed to factor them into the score. Had I not, Shining score would have been much higher.”
“If we subtract both scores, the score comes out to be Shining at one-seventy and Braeburn at one-thirty. So technically Braeburn is the winner.”
“Wait, I thought you said the trial was just starting.”
Grace just frowned. “I did say that, but now the trial is over.”
I don’t feel any vibes coming from my six sense. That means the trial is really over. Cadence, Twilight, please forgive me. I was a fool to think I could pull this off. Now my nightmare of the future is going to come true in the present.
“However, I decided to screw the rules this time around and give my power to Shining Armor.”
Shining Armor gasped. “But you just said...”
“I said Braeburn technically won, but I have decided to go against the rules and declare you the rightful bearer of the gem. Your wife and newborn son will be so happy, and you can now create more happy memories with your sister. Regrettably, this also means Braeburn soul is now mine, and it shall remain here forever.”
Just then a large coffin popped out of the ground in a similar fashion as the chalk board. On the coffin was inscribed “Here lies the soul of Braeburn the Kind”.
Braeburn looked mortified at the sight of it, but that didn’t stop him from returning a grin to Shining.
“Well it was nice meeting you partner. Please send my apologies to Appleoosa and Little Strongheart for me. I reckon that young gal might miss me the most.”
This isn’t right. He won, I lost, but he’’s the one who’s going to stay here. I can’t let this happen.
Shining took a step forward and gave her a challenging look.
“Grace, I’m sorry but I can’t accept this. If you have to take anyone’s soul it’s going to have to be mine. Braeburn didn't know anything about the legend when he summoned you. He’s also the rightful winner of your contest. He should not be made a victim of circumstances because you took pity on me.”
“But what about your loved ones?”
“While it breaks my heart to know I’ll be breaking theirs, I’m sure Braeburn has a family that will miss him greatly if he goes. It would be selfish for me to accept, even if is for my family. In the end, taking the gem in this manner would only prove that Luna was right about me going on this quest for the wrong reasons. Please, just bring him home.”
There was a moment of silence before Grace spoke again.
“Is this your final decision then? Will you stay here so that Braeburn may live his life on Equis?”
Shining nodded. “I’m not happy about it, but I don’t want to harbour any more guilt. I have enough of it already. I just hope my family will remember me for as long as they can, so that what little time I did spend with them can matter.”
Shining closed his eyes and prepared himself for whatever fate had in store for him.
“I’m ready when you are Grace, just release Braeburn and do what you want with me.
“That won’t be necessary, Mr. Armor.” said Braeburn.
Shining opened his eyes and stared at Braeburn with in disbelief.
Is he grinning? Why is he grinning?
“Why are you saying that?” Shining said, confused.
“Because you just passed the real trial with flying colours.”
Shining turned his head at both ponies in disbelief.
“Come again?” he asked. By this point his brain was starting to hurt. Where was Cadence when he needed her?
“Allow me to explain.” replied Grace exuberantly. “You see, I knew ahead of time from Truth that you would come, but I never expected Braeburn to show up as well. Apparently he summoned me by a complete accident. When I brought him here, I explained the gems and the scepter and asked him if he wanted to take the trial. To my surprise, he refused and explained that he already had everything he needed in Appaloosa. So I figured, since he was here, he could help me test how selfless and caring you truly are.”
“So this whole thing was just an act? But I thought nopony could lie to me anymore because of my six senses?”
Grace rubbed her hooves mischievously as a wide evil grin formed on her face. “That too was part of my evil plan. Any gift you receive by completing a trial is useless during another trial. I used your ignorance of this fact to my advantage.”
Grace laughed maniacally while Shining tried to make sense of everything she said.
“So what would’ve happened if I agreed to take the gem while Braeburn was still here?”
Grace continued to smile. “Why, every animal in this forest would’ve attacked you and torn out your soul, killing the link between your spirit and your body. Once you’re in the spirit realm, you would be trapped in this part of spirit world for all eternity like Ralph over there.”
A one winged pegasus pony, who Shining suspected had been watching from the shadows this entire time, stepped forward. His mane cut was a complete mess, and looked like something had ripped it up pretty good. The pony also had large deep scars that could be found on every part of his body. One extremely large scar went right across a large portion of his torso, indicating that the adventurer had at one point been torn in two at one point. The most gruesome thing about this pony was that one of his bones was sticking out, of where his missing wing should have been...
Despite the troubled looks, the pony, who Grace had called Ralph, just laughed. “It’s been about seven hundred years since someone has tried this trial. You're really lucky to have passed, Mr. Armor. Getting mauled by so many critters isn’t fun... But my body's healing up slowly, believe it or not. Eventually, all these scars will go away, and my wing will grow back. If I’m luckily it might happen this century!”
“Whoa,” said Shining concerningly “I’m sorry you, um… got your soul reaped. I’m glad you're taking things so well, considering.”
“Well, with scenery like this, how can I not?” Ralph said jokingly. “I was not a nice person when I went looking for scepter. I went after the Kindness gem first because I thought it would be the easiest. After I failed, this place changed me for the better. Soon I’ll be able to leave this part of the realm and will be able to venture to the other sections that make up the spirit world. Heaven, Valhalla, I’m going to see them all. Of course, Grace’s world will always be my home.”
Shining whispered in Graces ear. “You know, having someone mauled by animals isn’t very kind.”
Grace whispered back, “It’s the rules. I don’t like them but I have to follow them. Besides, that lake right there has the power to heal wounds of the soul both literally and metaphorically.”
Grace pulls her head back and shakes Shining’s hoof.
“Well, I'm glad to have met you, Shining, but I should", I should really send you back soon before they bury you and Braeburn.”
Shining turned to face Grace. “We’re about to be buried? How long have we been here?”
“Too long, I’m afraid.” replied Grace who started to show signs of panic. “Sorry Ralph, but I really need to get them back... Ok, let me just get this closing ceremony over with. I am now a part of you, yada, yada, yada, you are now in tune with all of god’s creatures and can use nature magic if you're a unicorn, which you are, and so long as you remain kind.... Oh crap! They're going to notify your family that you're dead. I need to send you back now.”
---------
Shining woke up on a metal bed right next to some doctors. Realizing that he was in a morgue, he jumped out from the bed and ran out the door. He bumped Shadow while in the hall.
“Crap... Shining Armor, sir, I thought you were gone.”
“I was about to be, now I’m back. Took a lot longer than I thought it was going to. What time is it anyway? And where’s Braeburn?”
“They just put him in a wooden casket heading to Appaloosa. Were you able to save him?”
“ZOMBIE!” screamed one of the morticians from across the hall.
Shadow and Shining continued to talk as they bolted out the door and into city. He could see that it was almost twilight.
As they ran, Shadow picked Shining’s saddle bag that he had been carrying on his back, and threw it towards Shining who caught it with magic.”
“Thanks.” replied Shining “Also, to answer your question, I’m sure he’s bucking his way out of the casket as we speak. We have the gem, right?.”
Shadow nodded.
“Good,” continued the unicorn. “Now, we need to stop the mining ponies from mailing my family and find ourselves a train out of here before Blueballs has me arrested.”
Shadow shook his head.
“I’m afraid Pickax—the blue miner from the mine—already sent a letter to the pony express. He left to deliver it just shortly before you woke up.”
“Then we need to find the mailbox.”
Just as he said that, a cross-eyed pegasus mare came flying past them with a couple of letters held tightly in her mouth.
Shining and Shadow quickly made a u-turn to intercept the airborne pegasus.
However, once they saw a battalion of Equestria’s finest heading straight towards them, they continued towards their original destination.
“After him, stallions!” shouted the lieutenant in charge.
“This is bad, Shadow.” shouted Shining as the the duo galloped for their lives. “One of the reasons I went on this quest is so that Twilight and Cadence would never have to grieve for me. Both my sister and my wife will be be devastated if we don’t do something!”
“At least the ponies responsible for framing you will call off the search.” replied Shadow. “Maybe this can work in your favor.”
“Shadow!” Shining yelled in annoyance. “I know you're trying to think positive, but I think you missed the part about me breaking the hearts of my loved ones!”
“Just trying to make make the most of a bad situation, Captain Armor.”
Shining sighed. “I’m sorry, it's just that this is exactly what I was trying to avoid in the first place. That, and the thought of them eventually forgetting me drives me insane. Hopefully, once I eventually show everypony I’m alive we’ll all look back on this and laugh.”
That is, if I don’t die for real somewhere along the line.
As they approached the station, the two ponies saw a cargo train preparing to take off.
Shining saw an open cart and gestured to Shadow who nodded in response.
Let’s see if all that practice I did doing track pays off today.
Shadow flapped his wings and sped towards the cart which was slowly building up speed. When he landed he stretched out his hooves so Shining can latch on. Unfortunately, the train was starting to build momentum, and Shining was having a hard time keeping up.
Well, as much as I hate cheating on my workout, I don’t have time to wait for the nine-forty five.
In flash of purple light, Shining Armor disappeared and reappeared onto the moving train.
Shining grinned as he saw Dodge City and the guards disappear in the distance. He turned to Shadow and chuckled.
“Like I told you this morning Shadow, one quick teleport is easy, it’s the amount and distance that you need to worry about.”
However, his cheer quickly turned to sorrow as images of Twilight and Cadences opening that dreaded letter began to flood his mind.
“Shadow, we need to write a letter to Twilight before she tells Cadence or my parents that I’m dead.”
Smash
Just as the last rays of sunlight had all but vanished, the sound of a hoof breaking through wood startled the two warriors. Shining activated his horn to see what evil could be on board. To his relief, what he saw was not a monster, but a familiar earth pony emerging from a broken casket.
“Are we on a train?” asked Braeburn. “Darn it. Now how am supposed to get those cherry seeds?”
Grace, is one hell of a troll
2866290 That she is my friend. That's probably why she's no longer with Celestia. Two trolls can not exist in one body.
hahaha with the whole braeburn is comin' along for the trip also with grace wow wish i was a pony when this happened the entire adventure not this part to watch it all unfold.
I Knew It! I knew it! I just knew the trial of kindness would involve an equivalent exchange for Braeburn to work in proof of a kind soul.
Actually though, this chapter gave us some great moments. I liked how you're already building up a new view of the supernatural realms. We've got a realm for dead animals (which seems to be a universal holding zone. There doesn't appear to be distinction between Good and Evil animals at this point), Valhalla which is probably a home for dead heroes/where spirits go to socialize, and heaven, which we know is there, but seems far more mysterious at this point.
Also, between the 2 of them so far, I like Grace far more than Truth (man that sounds weird to say that) at least in personality. Grace seems to combine the grace and love of fluttershy with a silly style of humor. What fun. Also, it was neat how she had to give shining a rush job to get her powers, since he was kinda about to be buried. Funny too. Nature magic eh? Well, that's something.
Also, the trial of kindness wasn't all that hard I must admit. True, getting one's spirit mauled is nothing to sneeze at, but the way Kindness works is different from honesty, so the trial was unique in that sense. Hmmm....was truth's trial in the celestial land of judgment? Although, part of me almost think that the gem was too easy. Maybe he would have needed to feed a pack of rabid bears and not fight back in any way in the action, or perhaps go to forgive the Orcs he killed. (great addition though, talking about how a soldier can become an ugly thing sometimes) But, it works.
So, are the 2 captains now going to appleosa? But the letter from derpy's going a different way? Oh dear.
Still, I loved the way this chapter closed out with a joke from braeburn about still not getting cherry seeds. Looks like you'll have to turn around again.
Also, given that Grace is so different from Truth, how are all the other siblings going to be? Charity, magic, mirth/joy (potential names for laughter), steadfastness (loyalty?) what are they like? Are they at all like the other ponies from G1? Like their bearing mortals? Serious, light? What's to come in the grand quest of shining armor?
on a final note, there's still a few grammatical issues, but they're getting better for sure.
Keep up the good work in this, the quest for harmony.
Now then, where was Chrysalis' ploy in all this? I'm sure she'll be hounding Shining for the sake of getting the scepter or Shining Himself when he gets all six elements within him, thus using him as their best weapon once she hypnotizes him.
As for Blueblood, he sure is such a took, taking a voice that he cannot discern when he knows this will bite him in the flank.
2866792 To be honest, I had a really difficult time coming up with a trial for this one. I didn't want it to be something that was obvious, but i also wanted it to test Shining limits. In retrospect I guess I could have done something with the orcs, or tamed a wild animal. I also wanted Bareburn to get involved, and I kept juggling ideas until I fond the perfect fit. I'll try and make the next trial more challenging.
2866953 Chrysalis's doesn't want the scepter because she knows it's way out of her reach. In the next chapter I'm going to finally bring Twilight into the story, and if I can the changelings. If not this chapter then the next. They are coming for him though.
Welp, Braeburn is going to have a lot of explaining to do when he gets back. (I assume they sent a letter for him too.)
lol Braeburn,be happy that you're alive
2867091
As suspected, they will target Shining, whether he does or does not have the scepter, his increased magical ability, with all six elements will make him just as powerful, if not more powerful than any alicorn as Celestia and Luna have disconnected with their respective elements.
Now then, I'm sure Twilight will be angry at her brother, but... she will be thinking about the future if he does succeed, but something tells me, Blueblood will try and take Twilight or Cadence as a means to a hostage situation in the future.
2868083 Twilight possibly. Cadences not so much. Wile Blue blood maybe jealous of his younger sister being born an alicorn, she is the only pony that he cares about second to himself. However, destroying the love of her life is not a problem. However, if he's going to make a move, he needs to make one fast. I don't wanna give too much away, but I do have big plan's for old Blueballs.
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/f/2012/315/4/3/king_sombra__psd_by_m99moron-d5knj8o.png
2868343
Well, you'd better. his ploy in Dodge City only hindered Shining because many of the Guard respect him and have trained with him, by now since he is Captain, which takes time to achieve in their little universe.
Here's hoping Shining ends up in a confused marriage for hilarity sake.
A few typos here and there (Tell's), but once again, a nice chapter.
Oh, I so love the challenge that Grace gave and I loved the way it all worked...ok, not worked out completly, but at least Braeburn isn't dead anymore...that's something, right? I also loved the feel of the ending with excitementt building of catching up and Braeburn's line at the end reminding me of a good ending to a scene in a great road movie.
2873294 Thank you. Everyone really seems too like Bareburns role in all of this. I think he'll make a great addition too the team. I wonder if anyone else will be tagging along for the ride?
2868343
Unfortunately, Cadence wasn't born an alicorn; Celestia made her one when she found out about the powers she had with love.
2874871 When I started this story, the children's book never came out. I'm trying to follow the canon in every other regard. I didn't by the book, but I am a big fan of the comics, and I consider them canon because their so awesome. Anyways, I already rewrote the story once to remove my questionably marry sue with a canon villain so I could get on EqD. I know longer care about that. I just want to tell a kick-ass adventure story of epic proportions.
2874939
I added this story to my read later list, which I should probably get to before it gets too overwhelmingly full...
Baburn shugged."
so is Baburn an OC of yours?
"minors."
i saw this alot, a "minor" is someone under the age of 18. a miner is someone (or pony) oh goes into caves and brings up raw materials from the earth, really cool, although im suprised your editor didnt catch this
2879883 It happens.
I like Grace. Shes pretty cool. I have no idea how you intend to top her
2886475 Well I have four chances too try. I think the spirt of Loyalty might have a shot. I already have a persona in mind, but nothing is set in stone yet.
Alright. I started re-reading this the other day. I see some changes. I definitely see improvement from before.
2929175 Me and Golden had a lot of discernment's, but in the end he was right about this. It's better too keep the audience guessing. Not everything needs to be maid clear right away. I have a'lot of surprises in store for this story.
2929475 Well he's right. It is often good to keep the audience guessing. It builds up mystery and suspense, and builds things up for a plot twist!
Entropy was okay because it was kind of obvious he was evil, being related to Discord. And you fleshing him out like you did set up for some good jokes and allusions.
But here, with Gaia's "spirit", it is better to keep the reader in the dark until the right moment.
Hey, wait a sec! I just realized! Gaia's the name of the goddess from Captain Planet! LOL
I am most certainly looking forward to more of this story! Grammar is iffish at some parts, but not mind numbingly horrible. That aside, keep up the great work! This has potential!
2934247 Thank you. I'm already coming up with idea's for the next segment. I'll make sure too find thorough editors.
I'm not really sure what to say so i will just post the mistakes I found and be done with it. The mistakes are rather obvious so....
3005104 I can't find the line where the fist mistake is. I fixed the second one though. Also, I found a few mistakes of my own wile looking for the first line. Shining tortured an orc not torched, though I can image that is equally painful. Can you tell me what part of the story the first mistake you highlighted pops up. I be able too find it better if I knew what event was taking place.
probability of a final challenge that Blueblood will win then be informed that winning isn't what leads you to victory, but HOW you win than have shining get wings and leave Blueblood suffering in his superiority complex,and selfishness: pretty darn high.
here's hoping the rest of the six will become Alicorns to rub it in Bluey's face.
3005998
This should help in finding it....just in case you can't tell, it's the last line in this quote.
I friggin LOVE grace she's my favorite so far I'm sure laughter will take that place soon but CELESTIA DARN IT I LOVE HER RIGHT NOW
“This bad Shadow.” shouted Shining as the the duo galloped for their lives. “One of the reason’s I went
--> "This is bad, Shadow," shouted Shining as the duo galloped for their lives. "One of the reasons I went