Shining’s suspicions that he was still in the changeling castle were confirmed, as the Sparkle siblings cantered through a familiar looking hallway. Though much had changed since he last roamed them. Pony sized holes littered the floors, walls, and even the ceiling. Occasionally, he would pass section of the castle that had either caved in on itself or were missing.
Seeing the marks that his last ditch gambit had left behind filled Shining with a sense of both pride and fear. Never in his whole life did he consider that he was capable of leaving behind such destruction in his wake, even if it did happen under special circumstances. Yet he made a conscious effort not to lose his focus on these distractions, as his sister continued to fill him in on everything that had happened up till this point.
“So, did you zap Discord like you said you would?” Shining asked as they made another turn.
Twilight shook her head, her face filled with regret. “No, shortly after I tried, Fluttershy offered to go with Discord and Applejack followed her to make sure she remained safe. Then they passed their elements of harmony over and left. Like I said, this was two days ago, right around the time we saw the explosion of magic your spell created.”
“I have a strong feeling in my gut your friends are alive,” Shining said reassuringly. “I think when I completed the trials, I not only linked myself to the spirits, but to your friends as well. Hopefully I can use this connection to help me locate them, but AJ and Fluttershy are alive. I can feel it.”
“I hope you're not just saying that to calm me down,” Twilight looked away from her brother. “This is really serious.”
“I am being serious,” he protested. “Believe me, I would never tell you something unless I truly believe it myself.”
“But they could still be in danger, even if what you say is true!” she shouted, causing Shining to back up a bit.
The two siblings stopped moving as Twilight covered her face and sobbed.
“It’s all my fault,” she bemoaned. “Before I was so worried about you, but you never really needed my help. Not this time at least. But how was I supposed to know? Now I think Discord may have been telling the truth. And if he was, then I’ve also endangered all of Equestria.”
“You're being too hard on yourself Twilight.” Shining said. “This is Discord we are talking about. You told me yourself that he loves to play games with ponies, and speaks in riddles. Twilight, you have my word I will find them and bring them back safe, even if I have to postpone my adventure to do so.”
Twilight opened her mouth as if she were about to object, but abruptly closed it.
“What’s with that weird look on your face, Twiley,” Shining asked. “Was it something I said?”
Nice movie Shining! The stallion thought as he imagined himself ramming his head into a brick wall. Now she’s even more worried. So much so she can’t even lecture me. I’m such an idiot sometimes.
Pushing his self aggravation aside, the prince wrapped his hooves around Twilight.
“We will find them Twilight,” he said softly. “But before we can come up with a plan, you need to tell me what happened while I was out.”
Twilight sighed. “Very well. After your spell stopped, we all got back on the chariot and sped towards the castle.”
-----
Two days ago
The sun was already coming up when the castle came into view. The moment Twilight saw the destroyed fortress in the distance, her heart started to pound violently. Losing focus, she started to drift downwards, upsetting the balance of the chariot. With her and Dash flying at uneven altitudes, the golden carriage became slanted, forced Rarity and Pinkie to shift a bit as they felt themselves tilting.
“Twilight, focus!” Rainbow snapped.
Shaking her head, Twilight flew back into formation so that she and dash were level again, fixing the chariot in the process.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized as she made eye contact with Dash. “I must have gotten distracted. The castle looks like it could come apart any minute.”
“I understand Twilight,” Rainbow said sympathetically. “But you can’t lose focus like that, especially when pulling a chariot filled with ponies.”
She then extended a hoof and pointed to the front of the castle. “There’s a nice clearing in the courtyard. Keep your mind focus on landing, then we can worry about your brother.”
As Twilight turned to where Rainbow was pointing, she caught a glimpse of something exiting the castle from the main door. Focusing on the single grey shape, glimpses of other colourful shapes started coming into view.
“Look down there!” said the princess. “I think those might be ponies!”
“At least from what we can tell,” answered Rainbow. “Those could be changelings trying to confuse…”
The blue pegasus lost her train her thought as the corner of her eye spotted something flying towards them from the east.
“What’s wrong?” Twilight asked as she continued to survey the commotion in the courtyard.
“It looks like one of those bat ponies is flying towards us.” Rainbow replied. “Didn’t you say Luna sent one to look after your brother? Captain Shady Mane or something?”
“Shadow Wing!” Twilight corrected. “Anyways if he wants to talk to us I’d prefer it be on the ground. Let’s land by the drawbridge. The courtyard is filling up and this chariot isn’t getting lighter.”
“Im with you on that last one Twi,” Rainbow said, giving her a quick salute to show her approval.
The two winged equines brought the cart down safely onto the other side of the drawbridge. As the chariot came to a stop, dozens of rural looking ponies came out to greet them.
“Hey,” Pinkie cheered in delight. “I recognise these ponies.”
“They do look kind of familiar,” Rainbow said as she brought scratched her chin with her hoof. “But why are they here?”
“They can’t be all changelings could they?” Rarity asked softly in case someone in the crowd heard her suspicions.
“I can assure you all the changelings are gone Miss Rarity,” echoed a hearty voice from above them. The startled mare shrieked and jumped back in response. Moment’s later, an armored bat pony landed behind them and bowed.
“I am Shadow Wing, Captain of the Lunar Guard. A pleasure to make each of your acquaintances.”
“It’s an honor to meet you,” Twilight replied, as her mind continued to ponder where her brother was.
“My dear Princess,” replied Shadow. “I am nopony special. Just a humble and devout servant of the night. Anyways, what guided you four here?”
“One of your men was a changeling spy!” answered Twilight abruptly. “After he was caught, he gave me a message from the queen telling me that she was in the process of apprehending my brother. We figured she’d take him here.”
She took a step forward and looked into the thestrals slit eyelids.
“Where is he?” she asked anxiously. “Please tell me he’s alright.”
“Your brother is fine Princess Twilight,” a voice from behind called out. “But I’m afraid it may be a few days before you can speak to him.”
The four mares turned around and watched as a strange looking changeling with a blue mane stepped out.
Rainbow up in the air and bumped her hooves together. “Stand back girls,” she said with a smug smile. “This bug’s mine.”
Like a magic missile, Rainbow Dash zoomed towards the changeling at top speed, only to bounce back in pain she made contact with something solid. As Rainbow fell backward onto the ground, Twilight started at the changeling and the strange purple dome that surrounded him. Although she only had a few seconds to look at it before it disappeared out of existence, Twilight knew the spell was not the changeling’s own.
“That’s my brothers spell,” Twilight screamed. “How in Equestria do you know my brother’s spell?”
The changeling scowled in aggravation. “Look Princess, I’m not even supposed to be here, and the spell I cast is just cheap imitation of his talent that passed on to me. My origin is complicated so I’m going to give you the basic version. I’m your hybrid nephew who was spliced with your brother's DNA, and I’m also the changeling that just saved his life.”
“Wait! What!?!??” shouted Twilight.
“Wholy Moly Twlight!” shouted Pinkie. “You’re an Aunt to a creature who looks like an ant if ants were the size of ponies and had manes and cutie-”
Rarity put a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth.
“Darling.” she said. “I don’t think this is happy news. I mean look at him. He looks like one of those edgy ruffians from one of Spikes comic books.”
Rainbow Dash, lifted herself off the ground and rubbed her swollen head.
“I think he’s bluffing,” she said. “You have cast your brother’s spell before, so the fact that he can too proves nothing.”
“Regardless,” Shadow said as he guilde himself between Wasp and the others. “I can attest for this. He was the only changeling spared by Shining’s last spell, and he did save Shining’s life. Plus, if it weren’t for him none of us would know how those regeneration pods work.”
“Regeneration pods?” Twilight asked, a sense of dread entering her.
Wasp beckoned for with his hoof for the others to follow and smiled.
“If you want to see him, follow me.”
The elements and the batpony followed the hybrid into the castle and brought them to a room somewhere on the upper levels. Inside, was a strange green pod containing a sleeping Shining Armor.
“What’s he doing in there?” Twilight asked, and she approached the pod and touched it.
Wasp sighed. “When we captured your bro… or fau…” He clenched his eyes shut and squinted, muttering a curse under his breath. “When we captured Shining, we put a suppressor that clogged his magic up. When he escaped, he apparently went to the dining room and got cornered. As a last ditch effort, he poured all that backed up energy into his spell. From what I hear, he even harnessed his own affections to use as fuel for the spell, possibly to try and recreate the events of the wedding despite not having his wife here. At least that’s what bat brain told me.”
“Watch your tongue cur,” Shadow growled, giving the changeling a death glare. “You may have saved Shining’s life, but in my presence you shall not mock my kind.”
“Ooooh.” Wasp said sarcastically. “Touchy aren’t we?”
“Cut it out you two,” interjected Twilight. “Wasp. You still haven’t explained what this pod is doing to him. Also, why’s his horn chipped off.”
“I broke your brothers horn just as he was about to explode. I felt like I owed the naive fool for letting the spell hit me.”
“And the pod?” Twilight asked in frustration. “What’s up with the pod?”
“It’s a healing chamber,” Wasp said. “What’s there to explain? In two days, his body will be healed, horn included. Though considering it was severed during such a taxing spell, I don’t see him having much use for it anymore.”
What’s he talking about? Twilight thought as she tried to understand what the hybrid meant. What could possibly… No. No that can’t be right.
Rainbow flew over and tapped Twilight on the head.
“Hello,” she called. “Equis to Twilight. Twilight do you come in?”
Twilight shook his head as she before she began talking without making eye contact. “When wasp removed split Shining’s horn, he was still casting a spell. It’s likely his connection with his mana reserves has been severed completely. You know how some ponies suffer paralysis after severe accidents? The same can happen to unicorns under certain circumstances. Losing a horn middle spell is one of them.”
“Wait!” shouted Rainbow. “Does that mean your brother’s an earth pony now?”
Everypony glared at Rainbow Dash who smiled sheepishly in returned.
“Sorry,” she said with a nervous chuckle. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just saying he’s a unicorn who can’t use magic. That’s has to suck.”
Wasp turned his head to look at her. “We won’t know that till he wakes up. At best, he may be able to make a spark or too, but and that’s only if he’s lucky. Even then, it could be years before he can levitate a mere quill 2 meters off the ground.”
Twilight took a few steps over to Wasp, as tears welled up in her eyes. “Thank you for saving him,” she said softly. “Whatever your intentions may have been for doing so, I am eternally grateful.”
Wasp gently pushed her away and turned his head. “Save your thanks princess. I may have been born with free will, but Chrysalis is still my mother. Yet your brother was naive enough to think I might somehow break away from them and be his bastard son. You could say I saved him out of pity. Plus, had he exploded, who knows how big the blast radius goes. Unicorns are normally smart enough not to exert themselves during a magic overload.”
Wasp took a deep breath and sighed. “If you excuse me, this where I take my leave. I need to sort a few things out in my life. Don’t try and find me, because you won’t. However, should your brother wish to see me, tell him to go The Gleaming Hoof in Canterlot on a Friday night. I’m almost always there, but like I said, you won’t be able to find me. I’ll find him.”
Before anypony could respond Wasp flashed his horn and vanished.
-----
As Twilight finished telling Shining the last bit about wasp, the stallion scratched his chin.
“He’s sure is an odd fellow,” replied as he took a moment to reflect on Twilight's recap so far “It seems like all these hybrids are a bit eccentric, some more than others.”
“I know what your mean,” Twilight said. “On one hand, he says he’s still loyal to Chrysalis, yet I can’t help but get the impression that he also cares about your well being.”
“Well from what my new abilities have told me, he has a lot of turmoil in his heart,” Shining said. “A lot of what he says is filled with mixed feelings and half truths. I don’t know what terrible things he may or may not have done, but my instincts tell me there is some good in him. ”
A soft smile formed on the stallions face as he looked down at his sister. “I’m glad you’ve calmed down a bit. Believe me, I know how hard it is to think clearly when you have the well being of those you care about looming over you. It’s partly how this whole thing got started. You know if anyone is to blame for this mess it’s me. None of this would have happened if I had just ignored my nightmare.”
Oh how true those words are. Shining through. He could feel his sister guilt slowly pile onto his own plate.
He pushed that thought aside and looked straight into Twilight's eyes. “But all this is too late to change. Regardless of what either of us could or should have done, it’s our job to press forward and make things right again.”
Twilight stood up and nodded. “Gosh Shining, that right there was worthy of a letter to the princess. Let’s go downstairs. The others will be relieved to see that you are alright.”
“Others?” Shining asked. “Who’s still here?”
“Well, most of the Appaloosians except for Braeburn left yesterday, but not without giving their thanks to you. That leaves only him, Shadow, your Canterlot High friends, and the girls.”
“Wait, why is Braeburn still hear?” he asked.
Twilight started to look sad again as she lowered her head. “He might not have told you, but he and Applejack’s are cousins. He’s waiting for Discord to bring her back, so he may know she’s safe. Plus, he wanted to make sure your recovery goes smoothly.”
Shining chuckled. “Well other than the fact I’m now a unicorn without who can’t use his magic, I feel right as rain.”
Twilight gave her brother a quizzical work. “Have you tried to use your magic since you were out.”
Shining gulped, cursing his pledge of of honesty. “I tried to stun you when I thought you were a changeling. I don’t think my horn so much as sparked.”
The hallway fell into complete silence, as the truth sank into both of them.
Twilight mouth gaped slightly, as she gently reached out hug her brother.
“Oh Shining,”… she said, as she stared at him in disbelief. “I’m so sorry.”
She reached out her legs and hugged him in a comforting embrace. Shining could see her crying again, this time a lot harder than before. Streams of hot tears dripped onto the sides of his floor, and onto the stone floor below. Holding onto her tight, he began to reflect on how he felt about this.
Yet to his big surprised, the truth didn’t seem to bother him as much as he would have expect. Shining knew fully well that losing one's magical abilities was devastating for any unicorn, even more so for ponies with special talents that were directly tied to their magic like him. Under normal circumstances, he probably would have broken down and cursed. Yet as Twilight continued to weep remained calm and collective.
“It’s ok Twilight,” he said. “It’s not a big deal.”
He could feel Truth stir in his soul in response to his lie, but the stallion merely brush him off.
“How can you be so collected?” Twilight said, as looking up at her brother with as she continued to cry. “You told me yourself once that you loved magic almost as much as me. Your shield spell is part of your special talent, a manifestation of your devotion to defend others. Yet you don’t seemed bothered at all.”
Shining shook his head, again feeling the spirit of honesty lash out him for his miner fibs. “I can't afford to dwell on it. Right now, there are more important things to worry about, what with Discord’s prophecy and the disappearance of your friends Plus, when you really think about everything this adventure could have cost me, losing my magic is like loose change in comparison.”
While Shining hoped his words would have cheered her up, it only made her cry louder and harder.
------
Meanwhile, Cadence sat in on her bed, her high school yearbook sprayed out before her. She continued to stare at a her prom picture of her and Shining’s first dance. As she stroked the surface of the picture with her hoof, she reflexed how Shining evolved from a shy and timid Oubliettes and Ogres player, to a stoic captain of the guard, to a noble prince. Even though they both had grown so much since then, he was still the lovable dork that stole her heart.
The letter Twilight had sent her made her feel more at ease about Shining Armor, what with the rumors she heard about her brother’s warrant for him. Even so, she found herself looking at the picture more and more, as if somehow it would guarantee his safe return home.
“Oh Shining,” she said out loud to herself. “I pray for your return. Please come back soon, not just for me, but for our child.”
She gently patted her belly with another hoof. She was still in the early stages of her pregnancy, but everytime she closed her eyes, she could see the child growing inside her. Thoughts of Shining’s wish for the three of them to live an eternal life as the perfect family made her smile.
Yet these thoughts were only a temporary relief, as her mind soon wandered back to the safety of her husband.
Just then she heard a knock at the door.
Turning her head, she levitated the yearbook to the side and straightened her hair a bit with her magic. “Who is it?” she called out.
“It’s Private Flash Sentry your majesty,” the voice from behind the door called out. “I’ve come bearing news urgent news. Your brother, Prince Blueblood has just arrived in the Empire. He is requesting to see you.”
i think u need to hire a new editor...this story is still quite a mess...
4502261 If you want i can send you a copy of the chapter to you if you think it's that bad.
4502347 not me, i suck at editing...but take another look at the chapter u just posed and i think ull see what i mean...in particular...note homonyms and sentence structure...
I just realized that, when you don't have an editor, your stories make my eyes bleed.
4502563 I already know what the problem is, and will have the chapter revised. I don't have a committed editor for this story anymore, so I take whatever help I can get. Had I not taken the time, this chapter would have been out days ago, and it would have worked a'lot worse.
4502588 I still can't get over the fact that you used "ponies" as a verb a few times.
Pony should pony pony.
4502591 My main focus when writing is to get the story onto the page, and making sure everything flows properly. If anything is out of place, I trust my eiders to find it. And if they do miss something, I make my chapters get looked at again.
A few people have already brought the mistakes to my attention, and I'll try and get someone else to look at it latter. And if anyone want's to volunteer for that, I'll send you a link latter. I'll put out a blog when the chapter get's updated .
I'm sorry. I did a preliminary edit, but didn't come back to it right away. Sorry I dropped the ball. I can give the document another look if you like.
Oh shit.
About to read the new part. FINAL-FREAKING-LY!
4503465 Just wait till the next chapter. After 9 year in development, hopefully it will be worth the weight.
board.everypony.ru/pony/src/132869373236.jpg
R.I.P.
Thanks for the awesome chapter!
4506207 Your welcome, thank you all for supporting the story and seeing it through. I know this chapter was just a set up for the next arch, but I'm glad it was entertaining.
Great chapter I cant wait till the next one or the next story either. Keep these chapters comming (at your own pace of course).
4529646 Thank you. I'll do my best. It's hard balancing all these stories knowing that eager fans are counting on me. But I am hellbent on delivering.
I not sure what will come first, the first chapter of the prequel or the the next chapter of this. My mind is already coming up with ideas too follow up the cliff hanger. If Candace knows what's good for her, she better high talent to the Crystal Heart asp.
4530097
Well you are doing an amazing job so you must be doing something right with the balancing.
4541572 Glad you liked this chapter. Wile this is a serious story, I felt like taking a risk by breaking the tone for this particular trial.
4589611 Out of all my stories, this is the one I wish had perfect spelling and garmar. I'm sure you noticed some chapters are worse than others in that department. Though I'm glad you can read past them. If you hightlight the error, I can go back and reword it.
4602762 I wonder how much of the dream was actually true? That's all I can say without spoiling the story. I'm making a spit timeline story that might give more insight into the answer. Hoping to get it on FIM by next week.
I enjoyed the story quite a bit...
... until I reached the 'meta chapter', at which point I down-voted the story, removed it from my favorites, and stopped reading.
And the story was quite nice too. Oh well...
4619157 It was just one chapter. The story goes back to be serious after that. It was just for the Trial of Laughter. And some of the fans really liked that chapter wile others told me they didn't. It obviously was not for everyone it seems. Still, I have a lot more planned for the this story, of which is serous. I encourage you to give the following chapter a read before you make up your mind. Don't let on bad chapter ruin the journey
4619214
... fine. I guess I'll just skip the chapter then.
It's just that I don't find fourth wall breaking funny. At all. I enjoy when stories are immersive. I already find meta humor to be completely and utterly unfunny but the way it was in that chapter, I seriously considered dropping the fic and actually did until you told me to keep going.
It wasn't funny. At all. All it did was throw me out of the story and completely annihilate my suspension of disbelief. Destroying do not make me laugh. Simply put, it felt like you had drawn me into caring about the characters, the setting, and wondering what would happen next only to go on "THIS IS JUST A FANFIC AND THIS IS ENTIRELY POINTLESS! U MAD?!?"
There is a difference between a humor and shattering the suspension of disbelief. This one did the later.
4619273 Thank you. I promise you won't regret it, and that nothing like that chapter will break the tone of the story again.
4619321
Just an important note...
It's not the tone or the fact that the chapter was humorous. It was the suspension of disbelief. Basically, it went meta and deliberately shattered it in a way that made it impossible to take the story seriously. This is not a problem for stories not meant to be taken seriously.
Given this was a full story with an actual plot arc, character development, emotional connections, and what not, shattering the suspension of disbelief on such a level was just horrible to me.
In short, it wasn't the tone. It was the meta.
4619355 Alright. But some people loved that chapter and others didn't. Also, important stuff does happen if that chapter. I'm takeing a break from wrighting, but since this story does mean alot to me, I'll be wiling to release an alternate version of the chapter that sensors some of the silliness. In the mean time, I can PM you the digest version of the important stuff.
4619390
I would greatly appreciate that.
I guess I'm judging your story so harshly because I was so much into it and the meta stuff just booted me right out of it. And again, I must stress that it's not the humor that is a problem, it's the meta stuff. I have no problem with humor. In fact, my current (only) story on this site is largely humor-themed. It's the whole "this is truly a fanfic!"-style humor that gave me problems.
4634659 Things return back to Sanity after this. Unforchantly, I can't fix the brain damage that this chapter may have caused you.
Enjoy your insanity !
I am Kalash93 of Zero Punctuation Reviews. Without any delay, I shall begin to review your story.
There are stories which have concepts that come about at just the right time due to something happening in the show like the rash of shipfics that come about every single time the mane six share any interaction beyond existing in the same shot, or the return of a character brings out an explosion of fanfics about them, each one of them vying for attention as they try to ride the wave of renewed interest like a declining pop star trying to prop up their career by acting like a git. Most of these fics end up as shallow oneshots quickly forgotten once everybody sees the same story 15 times in one day and has gone back to clopping to Fluttershy. Some of these stick around, either because the author thinks that they can base a viable series off of the concept, or because they think that they might get a little extra attention if they drag out their pandering a little longer, or maybe they're just out of ideas, rather like Nintendo when it comes to franchises. Some of these fics, however, do stick around and enjoy some measure of success, even if they do wind up turning out more like Sonic the Hedgehog.
My Mortal Big Brother is a fic written followed the end of Season 3. I was expecting it to be about Twileycorn, but personal pinioning and amputation fantasies aside, this fic allegedly focuses on Shining Armor, also known as the stallion featured second most frequently in incest clopfics, with a character more bland than a three day old slice of whole grain bread. The plot of MMBB starts out focusing on Shining Armor and his fears of mortality due to his wife and sister both being immortal alicorns. Then, a strange voice calls to him, telling him that he can have immortality if he gets a scepter or something. So off he goes on an epic quest to turn from just a forgettable canon unicorn to a damnable alicorn OC. He goes knowing that it could kill him and without telling anyone about it. In truth, this part contained some rather deep emotional thinking and made Shining Armor understandable, complex, and sympathetic. It would therefore make sense to propose that since the beginning was alright, then that the rest of the fic would only get better, right? Wrong!
You see, this story actually got worse as it went along. Now, that's nothing new if you're a grizzled veteran from fanfiction.net and have cut your way through jungles of junk which got thicker all the while, but given that fimfiction tends to have better stuff, it's quite a rare and unhappy find, sort of like finding out that buying a new computer, only to find that it has Windows 8 and half the RAM, and then having it slowly die on you after six months. I couldn't be arsed to remember who was originally in charge of making major decisions and making sure that Mine Mortal Big Boner was ready for publication, but I know that you absolutely need them back, or to at least give them a lot more control, because the entire thing starts to melt down like an igloo with central heating. It all starts to come apart at around the end of chapter four. By the end of chapter ten, I had no idea what was going on, and by the time chapter twelve came around, I was hoping that maybe I would find out that a troll had hijacked the story. Now, this is a first, because I've seen a lot of bad fics turn good, but I've never seen a good fic go bad. But neither was Rome burnt in a day.
The first thing to go was the grammar. As Equestria Daily says, grammar is the canary in the coal mine for bad stories, or as I say, bad grammar means that the very foundations of the language used to write the story were probably laid by drunk Myspace refugees wearing too much eyeliner. Early on, the grammar was not absolutely perfect, but the rest of it was good enough to warrant overlooking it, rather like the remarkably relaxed style of your new roommates, which will start driving you to homicide by the end of the month after they've turned the kitchen into a disaster area for the fifteenth time and the landlord starts demanding rent instead of being woken up by parties at 3 A.M. It's the basic things that need to be addressed. For example, apostrophes are used for possession and contractions, you're/your/yore are not interchangeable, it's/its are not interchangeable, and they're/there/their are not interchangeable. You get these wrong so often that it seems like you're actively trying to induce suicide in grammarians. At least you remembered to change paragraphs for speakers as well as what the different punctuation marks were for, most of the time.
My Marble Bid Brother started out comprehensible enough, but it went downhill when it decided to make like Back To The Future and relocate to the Wild West. Then there was this shit with spirits or whatever doing crazy challenges. Then Shining gets captured by changelings or something, and there's this one who's his son but not really his son or something, and somehow Discord gets involved with stuff; I don't know, and as a coprophilliac once said, I decided to fuck this shit. It was like the story got bored with itself. Then there was one where I suspect that the writer wrote while on an epic bender and retroactively decided to call it a plot point in the hopes of everyone being confused enough to go along. It didn't help to throw a bunch of other characters in, seemingly because this story needed some kind of big supporting cast, because the main character going on an inherently dangerous quest wasn't interesting enough. The first ones were okay, but if there is one thing I have learned from stories featuring Prince Blueblood, it's that no other character means future shittiness like he does. It's rather like seeing Adam Sandler on a movie poster. At first, you were doing well with handling Blueblood and writing him well, until everything fucked up. And then you carried on the proud tradition of giving Changelings various arthropod-inspired names, which instantly reminded me of buggery.
May Marvel Boat Brassiere fell apart in the storytelling department in a manner rather like Call of Duty games by increasingly focusing more on action instead of what made the story engaging the first place. You see, this story began with Interesting moral dilemmas and deep psychology of a protagonist who feared his own death as well as what it would mean for his family, which drove him to do anything to perhaps stall the inevitable, even if it would likely mean he caused his own preventable early death while trying to prevent his inevitable later death. The psychology and reasoning were sound, and you did a better job of giving Shining Armor a character than Hasbro did, although a Stilton cheese has more character than canon Shining, even though I was expecting him to say "Corndogs, Twiley" at some point. As you ran out of psychology to mess with, Marsh Makarov Boron Blaster turned into more of an action story to try replacing it.The effect was like watching Roger Moore era Bond Films become increasingly sillier with each passing installment, not realizing the whole time that what made the earlier films so engaging was their relatability as well as the focus on more serious espionage versus campy superspy theatrics.
If I had to summarize Minh Mellow Bug Breeder, it would be like watching somebody suddenly rise to stardom before gradually fucking up every little thing that they had going for them. At first, it's nice to genuinely enjoy and be happy for them. Then, the gruesome spectacle is interesting, but after a while, it starts being disgraceful. All I can say is that I'd drag it off stage before it puts more than just its foot in its mouth. I'm not saying that it needs to be shot, but an intervention and going to rehab with a life coach would hardly be called unwarranted.
Kalash93
4635284 Well Damn! The other half of the story can't be that bad. I'll admit, the whole thing with Wasp is needlessly confusing, Perhaps I should had more dialogue moments of Shining reminding himself of his motives. To late to go back now. Already rewrote the story once, and I swore never again.
4635284
I got around to reading my backlog of favorites and was about to post something when I read this. Harsh, but it echos my sentiments. The quality has steadily decreased since the opening chapters. I wouldn't go so far as to say the story is horrible, but it needs editing triage, stat. For me, Wasp felt like an interesting character, but instead of getting some character development, it seems like he's getting written off. I think I'll give the story one more chapter to improve; after that, it's coming off the favorites list.
It had such promise too...
4843005 Wasp will return in the story. I have a plan for him.