• Published 30th Jan 2013
  • 3,636 Views, 96 Comments

Top Of The Charts - GeodesicDragon

When DJ Anon is signed to an Equestrian record label, he reckons that he's finally hit the big time. Unfortunately, Fate has other ideas.

  • ...

The Meeting


The Meeting


The train pulls into the station slowly, the piercing whistle jolting you from your peaceful slumber. You rub your eyes and peer out of the window... into the face of a stern-looking unicorn stallion wearing a set of armour and brandishing a rather large spear. It's at least twice his size, but the way he's holding it tells you that he'll have no problems providing you with a few new holes, should the need arise. Which it won't, but you're not going to tell him that.

The two guards who picked you up from Vinyl's place are with you. They salute the guard with the spear and address him.

"Captain Shining Armour," one of them says, "this is the new arrival we were sent to pick up. We apologise for our lateness, but it would seem that our guest here is afraid of heights."

So I had a panic attack in the chariot. Big deal.

Is that what you call screaming like a banshee and trying to get out of the chariot while it was a few thousand feet above the ground?

Shut it, you.

The unicorn you now know to be called Shining Armour returns the salute and dismisses the guards with a wave of his hoof. He then turns his attention to you.

"We wouldn't even have been aware of your existence," he says flatly, "were it not the fact everypony is talking about your little exhibition at the club last night."

You give him your most suave grin.

"I aim to please." you reply. "If I made everyo— everypony's night, then that's great. But in the meantime, I would just like to get this meeting with your Princesses out of the way."

Shining Armour nods at you and starts walking. You follow him, the guards watching your every move. The wall of spears at your back has you too afraid to even scratch your nose. Well that, and the stares you are getting from all the ponies in the street. You don't even want to blink for fear of starting a panic.

You soon arrive at a castle. Or is it a palace? You're not quite sure. Whatever it is, it's enormous. Ornate design, golden-topped spires... you can't think of any other ways to describe it except as an architect's wet dream.

You are led through a series of double doors emblazoned with a sun on one side and a moon on the other. You assume that they are some kind of royal insignia. As another set of doors opens, you catch sight of two ponies sitting at the other end of the room.

As you get closer you see that not only are they bigger than the other ponies (in fact they're nearly as tall as you are), but they are in possession of both wings and a horn. These must be the princesses you are here to meet.

You need to make a good impression. Kneel, damn it!

You get down on one knee and lower your head to look at the ground, focusing on a really interesting-looking crack.

Fucking hell Anon, you look like you're about to propose!

"Please rise," a gentle voice commands, "there is no need for such formalities here. We simply wish to speak with you."

You stand up and look at the princesses. One is white, the other is a dark blue. The white one is somewhat taller than the blue one, and they both have manes with seem to flow on their own. You also notice the sun and moon emblems from the doors on their flanks.

Eyes up, pervert.

"Greetings, visitor." the white one says. "I am Princess Celestia, and this is my sister Luna. We are the rulers of Equestria. Please, introduce yourself and regale us with the tale of how you got here."

"My name is Anonymous," you reply, "but you can call me Anon for short. As for how I got here... well it's a rather strange story."

A story you then tell them. By the time you are done, Celestia has a raised eyebrow and Luna looks ready to explode into laughter.

"That was... quite a tale Anon," Celestia says, "but I am pleased that you have managed to adjust well to the situation."

"As are we!" Luna says. "We always admire those who appreciate our night as a thing to be enjoyed. Vinyl Scratch is a good friend of mine, and we are pleased that she hast taken thou underhoof."

What. The. Fuck. Why is she talking like that? She sounds like one of those wankers you see at a Medieval Faire.

Maybe it's a royal thing. Just be cool.

"Thank you for the welcome, your majesties," you say with another bow thrown in for good measure, "I only wish to live in peace. I bear no ill intent towards you or any of your subjects."

Okay good. Now ask her about going home.

Nah. I want to stay here and learn how to be a proper DJ.

You can do that in our own world!

Yeah, but will it be for free and will the tutor be an awesome unicorn who lets me live in their house?

Okay Anon, point taken. Better say something though, the princesses are giving you odd looks.

"Art thou okay, Anon?" Luna says. "Thou seems to be lost in a world of thy own."

"Apologies your highness," you reply, "but I was merely thinking about something. Am I right in assuming that there is no way for me to return to my own world?"

The princesses look at each other awkwardly. Eventually they look back towards you and nod solemnly.

"You assume correct Anon," Celestia says, "we have no way of getting you home. Inter-dimensional travel isn't exactly something we are capable of. Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for," you say with a raised hand, "except maybe for caring too much. If you'll have me, I will gladly call Equestria my new home."

Luna gives you a small smile while Celestia nods.

"That would be fine." Luna says. "We welcome you to our fair country and hope that thou lives a peaceful life."

Seriously Anon, you've got to ask her about that.

"Do you have any idea what you are going to do now?" Celestia asks you. "I assume you have some ideas?"

You rub your chin in thought.

"Well," you reply, "Vinyl Scratch has been kind enough to offer me both a place to stay and a job as her apprentice. I will take her up on those and do my part to provide entertainment for the ponies who like nothing better than to kick back and party every night."

"They art my kind of ponies." Luna says. "To see that our subjects have come to embrace my night is truly wonderful, especially after my long exile."

Exile? *snort* What did she do, speak proper English?

"I'm a real fan of the night as well." you say, steering the subject back on track. "I have spent much of my adult life in nightclubs, dancing the night away. The night is when all the real fun begins."

Luna gazes at you with her soft teal eyes, her small smile growing to a much larger one. She must really like party animals.

Hey Anon, it's your pancreas.

What's up?

Is there any chance you could get her to stop doing that? It's proving to be a huge drain on your insulin reserves.

"I'm guessing you are a fan of the night as well, Princess Luna?" you ask, desperately trying to snap her out of it. Thankfully it works, and she stops gazing at you.

"We are not just a mere fan of the night dear Anon," she replies, "because we are the night."

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na...

"I beg your pardon," you respond, "but could you elaborate on that please? I'm afraid I don't quite understand."

What's not to understand? She's Batman. Or Batmare, whatever.

"My sister and myself are both responsible for bringing about the cycle of day and night." Luna explains. "Celestia raises the sun while it is my responsibility to raise the moon."

Oh shit. She's not Batmare... she's a fucking goddess!

"How interesting," you reply, "that's not how it works where I come from. The sun and the moon both raise themselves."

Both princesses look at you with confused expressions. You realise what they're going to ask and quickly raise a hand.

"Please don't ask me to explain how," you say quickly, "because it is well outwith my area of knowledge. I'm a DJ, not a scientist."

The princesses look dismayed at this but nod nonetheless.

"Well Anon," Celestia says, "both my sister and I are happy that you're not a threat. You are free to return to Ponyville. You will receive your citizenship papers in the next few days."

You smile warmly.

"Thank you your majesties," you reply, "for letting me stay here. Now, if you would be so kind as to tell me where the train station is, I will be on my way."

"Sorry Anon," Celestia says, "but there is only one train a day between Canterlot and Ponyville. So unless you want to wait, there is only one other way back..."


It's been a couple of hours since the Royal Guard dragged Anon to Canterlot. And a couple of hours since you started worrying.

Though to be honest... what is there to worry about? The Princesses are both cool, so they should see that Anon is too. You laugh at the thought. He's not even been here for a full twenty-four hours, and already you've given him a job and a place to stay.

Having an apprentice is going to be bucking cool, though. Somepony to pass on your knowledge to, hang out with and raise the roof at gigs. Not only that, but an apprentice can do menial crap as well — like bringing you your aspirin in the morning and making coffee. Lots of coffee.

You hear the familiar rattling of an approaching chariot and look out the window. Anon is in the back, looking much paler than he did before he left.

Oh buck, what in Tartarus happened up there? Were the princesses not cool with him? Is he being sent away? Is this him coming to say goodbye? Will you ever see him aga— oh Celestia, he just fell out of the bucking chariot!

You rush outside to see if he's okay. Bucking idiot...


You fall face-first out of the chariot as it lands and begin kissing the ground as if it were a long-lost lover. That was, without a doubt, much worse than the ride up to Canterlot. You just didn't feel safe in that damn thing. Never mind what the guards said about it being safe, next time you're waiting for the train.

"I actually came out to see if you were okay," a voice says, "but I can see that you're absolutely fine. Should I come back later?"

You look up and see that Vinyl is standing over you wearing a smirk on her face. You cough sheepishly and stand up.

"I'm just happy to be back on solid ground." you reply. "I don't care what anyone says, those things are a fucking death-trap."

Vinyl laughs.

"Yeah yeah," she says, "now forget that. What did the Princesses say? Are you getting exiled?"

"I hope not," you smile, "otherwise my citizenship papers will have been printed for nothing."

"No way!" Vinyl lets out a squee. "This is awesome! Come on then, roomie! Let's celebrate the start your new life!"

How the hell did she make that noise?

Who cares? Let's get drunk.

Whatever happened to 'never again'?

Well you lost a few cells when you fell out of the chariot, so you might as well kill off some more.

You grin and follow Vinyl into the club.

Today was a good day.