• Published 30th Jan 2013
  • 3,636 Views, 96 Comments

Top Of The Charts - GeodesicDragon

When DJ Anon is signed to an Equestrian record label, he reckons that he's finally hit the big time. Unfortunately, Fate has other ideas.

  • ...

Anon's Lament


Anon's Lament

Day 584 in Equestria.

Six days ago, you were preparing to do your biggest gig ever at the Equestria Games. But then something ruined it — that something being the white unicorn who is watching wordlessly as you gather your belongings and throw them into a box. You spent six days in the hospital, where you learned that said unicorn only did what she did because she was in love with you — despite knowing how you feel about the idea of a relationship with a pony. Needless to say, this infuriated you, and you angrily denounced your friendship.

Yet now, as Vinyl watches you pack, you can't help but feel a little guilty for overreacting the way you did. After all, this is the same unicorn who gave you a job and a place to stay the very moment she met you. And you threw it all in her face just so you could further your career.

But you also know that if you were to stay friends with Vinyl then your career would grind to a halt, and you would be sued by your manager-slash-producer Tech Beat — who made it abundantly clear that he would have your sorry ass thrown in jail if you were unable to pay him all the money he'd demand.

Conflicting emotions whirl around your brain as you continue packing, neither you or Vinyl saying anything. Every now and again you catch her looking at you — only for her to turn away with her ears flattened against her head, fearing another angry outburst.

You finish packing the box and pick it up with both hands. With a final glance towards Vinyl you leave. You don't get far before your ears pick up her crying. Ignoring it you pick up the pace and head for the station in order to catch the last train to Canterlot.


Sleep usually comes easy to you, although tonight seems to be the exception. You've been going through what-if scenarios since you arrived back at your new apartment.

What if Vinyl didn't get drunk that night?

What if Vinyl had talked to you sooner?

What if you did want a relationship with a pony?

For several hours you struggled to sleep as these thoughts rampaged through your head like Pinkie Pie in a sweet factory. Yet when you thought it was all over, your brain decides to come up with another route you could take.

What if you love her too, but are simply too stupid to realise it?

What? Don't be ridiculous!

All right then, I guess we're going to be doing this the hard way. Time to analyse the facts, Anon!

The only fact here is the fact that I am not in love with V—

SHUT. UP. Now, fact one: The fact that she helped you out when you got here. She didn't even care about the fact you were not from Equestria, yet she jumped at the chance to get to know you, as well as provide a place to live and eventually a job.

So? That doesn't mean I love her.

Fact two: You both love music, partying and getting drunk.

That still doesn't me—

Fact three: You've been making tons of cash since you signed that contract, yet she hasn't asked you to repay her for her kindness.


Fact four: It was her idea to sign the contract in the first place. If it wasn't for her insistence, Anon, you wouldn't be who you are.


And finally, fact five: You've been thinking about forgiving her for what happened in the Crystal Empire, even if that means jeopardising your career or ending up in jail. That just shows how much you want to be with her.

Yeah, as a friend. I miss being around her, you know? Her craziness, her ability to make me laugh, the way she laughs, that soft blue mane, those beautiful red eyes... oh God.

There it is.

Y-you're right. All this time I've been freaked out over the idea of being with a pony because of all the drunken mares who hit on me. Yet the perfect one was always there in front of me.

And now you've fucked up any chance of ever being with her. So, Anon, what are you gonna do to fix this?

You bury your head in your hands.

I don't know. I just... don't know.

I'll let you sleep on it. Who knows? You might get an idea.

With your brain's permission, you finally enter the land of Nod.


You find yourself in a small room. There are no furnishings, just four plain white walls, a ceiling and a door. You don't know how you got here, all you care about is leaving. As you approach the door it seems to move away from you. You break into a run to try and catch it, but it's no use. You feel like you're simply running on the spot and not getting anywhere.

At the same time, however, you don't feel tired or sore. You stare at the door for a moment, willing it to open. To your surprise it does, and you try to leave the room. You groan as the door moves away from you again, only to gasp when a dark mist enters.

You stand frozen to the spot as the mist coalesces in front of you to reveal Princess Luna. You have no idea what is going on, and the look on your face shows it. Luna smiles warmly and addresses you.

"Thou have nothing to fear from us, Anon," she says, "for we only wish to speak with thee."

Okay Brain, you can stop this now. Why are you making me dream about Luna all of a sudden?

"Our presence here is not the result of thy subconscious." Luna interjects, "As Princess of the Night, it is our duty to look into the dreams of our subjects, and help them as we see fit. And we can see that thou, Anon, art suffering."

"Me, suffering?" you snort, "No way, Princess, I'm fine."

Luna raises an eyebrow at you.

"Art thou sure?" she says wryly, "Because we are certain that thou art conflicted for thy emotions concerning Vinyl Scratch. Thou sees her as a friend, yet she sees thou as more. Thy morals interfere with thy heart's desire, Anonymous. We are here to help."

"How do you know about that?" you say defensively, "Nopony should know what's going on between Vinyl and I!"

Luna sighs.

"We heard about what occurred in the Crystal Empire," she replies, "and given that Vinyl Scratch is a friend of ours, we felt the need to see that she was okay. I entered her dreams to find that thou art their primary subject. She had a strong wish for the two of you to be together, yet after your outburst she is now unsure. If thou truly feels the same way, we advise thee to act on thy feelings."

Now it's your turn to sigh.

"But I was a jackass," you moan, "so she won't want to talk to me."

Luna scoffs.

"Thou will not know until thou tries." she says, "And when thou dost, we think you will be surprised."

"But what about my career?" you ask, "If I end up with Vinyl I'm going to get my ass sued off and probably even thrown in jail. It's not a risk I'm willing to take."

This was not a good thing to say, given how Luna responds.


Whoa fuck me, that's loud!

404 eardrums not found.

"All right, all right!" you say quickly, "If it means ending up in jail or penniless then I'll do it... anything to be with Vinyl again."

This placates the angry Luna and she calms down, ruffling her wings again. Whether it's due to annoyance or an itch you can't tell.

"We are pleased that thou hast seen reason." she says sweetly, "I shalt leave thee to thy sleep now Anonymous. Rest well, for thou hast a big day ahead of thee."

With a flash of light Luna – and the room – are gone.


You wake up to both the sound of rain falling against the window and the sound of somepony knocking on your door. You grumble to yourself and crawl out of bed, making sure to put on some trousers. After a quick stretch you walk over to the door and peer through the spyhole. Tech Beat is on the other side, swaying back and forward on his hooves while whistling a tune.

You unlock the door and open it.

"Good morning, Anon," Tech Beat says, "did you sleep well?"

"Not really," you reply, "I had a rough night."

"How unfortunate." Tech Beat mutters, "Anyway, I just came by to drop off the details of your next gig. It would seem that the organisers of the Grand Galloping Gala have finally realised how bucking boring it can be, and have requested that you play a set."

"Sounds fun." you reply sarcastically, "When is it?"

"Next Thursday at 8pm at the palace in Canterlot," Tech Beat says, "though you'll have to be there by six in order to prepare."

You make a mental note of this and nod. Tech Beat looks you up and down before smiling.

"This 'rough night'," he queries nonchalantly, "it wouldn't have anything to do with Miss Scratch now, would it?"

"You can stop me seeing her," you snarl, "but you can't stop me thinking about her."

"Whoa, easy tiger." Tech Beat says defensively, "I know you're still upset about that, but I keep telling you its for the best. When you get the cheque for this Gala business you'll wonder why I didn't tell you to ditch Vinyl sooner."

You resist the urge to throttle the arrogant bastard and instead nod. Tech Beat chuckles and leaves.

"I'll leave you to yourself now," he says, "but remember to be at the palace by next Thursday at six!"

"I'll be there!" you shut the door before adding, "Prick."

Well, Anon, what are you gonna do now?

Go back to bed, that's what.

What about talking to Vinyl?

... I'll get this Gala crap out of the way first. Hopefully it will provide enough bits to pay Tech Beat with when he sues me.

Good plan.

You get back into bed.

Today will be a lazy day.

Author's Note:

The next chapter will be called Vinyl's Lament, but she won't be talking to Luna. Instead she'll be talking to Octavia, who will offer up her own sagely advice. So there won't be a long-ass discussion between Vinyl and her brain.

Just a few more chapters before this is all over!

Also, I might have made a few mistakes with Luna's speech. Ordinarily when I write Luna she's talking normally. This is the first time I've had her speaking in Ye Olde Equestrian so if there any mistakes with her speech, let me know and I will fix them ASAP.