“Just do it, don’t be such a wimp!”
“I’m not sure if I can, though!”
Scootaloo facehoofed. “Look. Don’t you really want it? It’s not like you have enough bits to get it yourself. Just run in there, grab the goods, and run out.”
Sweetie Belle was wringing her hooves. “But I don’t want to be a crook! I can’t steal anything, even if it’s only a candy bar.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Look, Sweetie, you’re not gonna get caught. Besides, it’s just one little candy bar, no harm to it. Bon Bon won’t even miss it.”
Sweetie Belle gave her pegasus friend a reproachful look. Scootaloo slid up to her, and whispered in the unicorn’s ear, “Who’s the chicken now, huh?”
Sweetie Belle gave her friend a bit of an angry look, and slowly entered Bon Bon’s Candy Emporium. Walking in, she took a look around at all the hard candies and chocolates that were on display, before her young eyes fell on the candy she desired so much: a chocolate bar.
But this was no ordinary chocolate bar! This was, in fact, a bar of chocolate, completely ordinary and made of 100% chocolate. Yet, that was what made it so extraordinary! Most chocolates were around 78% chocolate, with the other 22% comprising of a mixture of earwig wax and bean paste.
Sweetie Belle could already feel herself salivating in anticipation just by looking at the delicious chocolate. Slowly walking over, she made sure that Bon Bon was busy before she carried out the heist. Seeing that the candy maker’s back was indeed turned, Sweetie Belle slid in and went to her prize. The chocolate bar sat there, like some sort of inanimate object. This was good; it wouldn’t try and make a break for it.
Grabbing it in her mouth, Sweetie Belle skedaddled her little rump out of the shop as fast as she could, chocolate bar in mouth. Scootaloo, who was waiting on the other side of the street, cheered her on as she shot out of the candy shop with the stollen goods. Her orange friend continued to cheer her on, until Sweetie Belle was hit by a runaway carriage that was careening down the road, where at that point the cheer turned to gasps of terror.
Sweetie Belle was catapulted off the ground, achieving sick air that Scootaloo would never get with her shrimpy, deformed wings. The unicorn flew gracefully for a ful four seconds before smashing into a very hard wall.
Scootaloo scampered to Sweetie’s side. “Are you okay?” she asked frantically at the pile of rubble.
There was a groan, and Sweetie slowly emerged, the bar of chocolate somehow unharmed. Scootaloo’s face broke out into a smile. “Oh, thank Celestia you’re okay! For a second there, I thought you were a goner for sure!”
Sweetie rubbed her pounding head. “Yeah, I think I’m okay... and look! My chocolate’s fine too!”
As the two friends celebrated, neither of them noticed that Sweetie’s impact had knocked a rather large brick loose from the wall. By rather large, I mean rather large. This thing was almost as big as Sweetie Belle’s body. So it was only to be expected when it slid loose, fell gracefully through the air, and crushed Sweetie Belle’s head, pulverizing it completely.
The brick did a good job of the pulverization, too. It clonked the poor unicorn right in the back of her noggin, forcing her face to the floor. From there, the weight and velocity of the brick crushed her head open like an overripe melon, causing blood, bits of gore, and chunks of brain to fly out in several direction from the force of impact. Scootaloo herself was covered in the splatter.
“IT GOT IN MY MOUTH!” Scootaloo screamed in horror. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH— hey, this tastes kinda good!” Scootaloo chewed on the bit of brain that had ended up on her tongue. It tasted a bit irony (most likely from the blood), but it was chewy and somewhat sweet, like taffy. She scooped up a bit more of the brain/gore mixture and chewed some more, a content smile on her face.
Looking down, she came to her senses and resumed freaking out about her friend’s death. “Oh gosh, oh gosh, what do I do...” she stuttered in panic, stopping to take another bite of the brain. Quickly dropping it, she spit out the bits in her mouth and started rubbing her tongue against the dirt to get any more remnants out.
She couldn’t stay away for long though, and was soon eating up the pieces she had spit out. After carefully gathering as much of the gore as she could, she began to think about what needed to happen next.
“Okay... how I do I explain this... how do I explain this...” the little pegasus fretted, trotting back and forth, occasionally stopping to nibble on some brain. “Who do I go to? Rarity? Twilight? The mayor? The hospital? Oh, I just don’t—” she took another bite of brain, enjoying the savory taste. “Oh wow. That’s good.”
Scootaloo well beside her headless friend. “Oh, crap... I’m sorry, Sweetie. If I had never pressured you into stealing this candy bar, this would have never happened!” In her remorse, she almost stopped eating the brain pieces.
“Then again...” Scootaloo pondered for a moment. “If you hadn’t died, I would have never discovered this tasty treat!” She gobbled up another piece, and licked some of the blood from her hooves. Eyes widening in disgust and sorrow, she began to sob.
“I’m so sorry, Sweetie! Your brain is just so delicious I can’t help myself...” Slumping over the brick that had done her in, she let loose a little whimper. “At least you're in a better place...”
“WHAT IS THIS NIGHTMARISH PLACE‽” Sweetie screamed in fear, looking around at her new surroundings. She was in a large system of caverns, with dull black-red rocks comprising of the walls, ceilings, and ground. A smell of brimstone and sulfur pervaded the air, and Slayer’s Greatest Songs To Fall Asleep To played jovially in the background.
“You’re in hell, my little filly!” came a evil, high pitched voice. Sweetie Belle turned around to see a unicorn made of lava and obsidian walking towards her. Shrinking back in fear, Sweetie Belle fell to the cave floor and curled up in a ball. “Or rather, you ponies call it Tartarus. Not that it matters, you’re in a bad place all the same.”
Sweetie shot looks all around her, still shaking in fear. “W-why am I here?”
The lavacorn laughed a hideous laugh, sounding of steam and rocks being crushed together. “Why, because you died of course! And you’ve ben a bad little filly, so they shipped you off straight to hell! They being the eternal judges of life and death, of course.”
Sweetie Belle was now even more confused. “Eternal judges of life and death? What?”
“Right, they blanked your memory after that, but once you die, you’re sent to a courtroom to be judged. If you were sinful, you get sent to hell, or ‘Tartarus’. Since you sinned, you’re here!” the obsidian pony recounted in hellish glee.
“But I’ve always been as good as I could be! I’ve never sinned, at least, not that I can... oh, was it the time we were trying to be Cutie Mark Crusader Bible Burners?”
The lavacorn shook his head. “No, but you were pushing the envelope with that one. What really set you over was... stealing that bar of chocolate!”
Sweetie Belle’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
The hell guardian nodded. “Yes indeed. Doesn’t matter if you steal a candy bar or murder your way through a class of first graders, a sin’s a sin.” Trotting over to a nearby rock leaning against the wall, he shoved it out of the way. A blast of hot air washed over the two of them, and the screams of the tortured soon followed. Sweetie recoiled in fear once more.
“I’m Mephistopheles, by the way,” the lavacorn extended a hoof to Sweetie Belle, who shook it. It was very warm, but not burning.
“I’m Sweetie Belle.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” Mephistopheles said, before picking her up and chucking her into the gateway. “Enjoy your eternity in hell!"
I believe it was Fiddlebottoms who said "When I was young, my father told me: whether you murder your way through an orphanage, or steal a candy bar, you go to hell either way. So why only be a little evil if the result's the same?"
Pretty sure he was quoting something. Too lazy to find out myself.
Simply delightful.
2883422 the delightiest.
Why, Regidar, did you not talk about Mephistophile's wager with God...
still, that was cute. you spew out comedy gold at least once per day.
You know what this is missing?
2883448 who said that it wasn't coming in a later chapter? No one that's who!
2883452 A talk about Mephistophile's wager with God?
2883459
I was thinking something more like a combination with equine qualities and phallic shapes.
2883462
In short, steroids?
Should add this.
s24.postimg.org/ni0seidmt/already_dead.png
My face when you're already dead.
New story! Wow, you'll be top poster soon
And I still haven't forgiven you for the name thing...
2883493
For Regicide?
2883507
The whole name switch thing... I'm surprised you didn't notice
2883515
Of course I did. He abdicated yesterday.
edit: His music. His singing voice. O boy.
So Scootaloo likes eating brains.
Would it be ironic if they tasted like chicken, or just really, really really funny?
2883527 it's quite beautiful, wouldn't you say?
2883553 both?
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSwFdpb9sTjvvERB3e6eoi4Hh6LgvUfzDNWMdtGSmaqsIrTCyH8
This... was amazing. I shall track this and furiously masturbate to every chapter of it. Do not disappoint me. That is, if it's okay with you...
2883593
s23.postimg.org/bndf67km3/omg.png
... not sure if want...
2883609
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRA9jQMKJ_o32ZUbkAGrKzRMs0g6qMzZ-oxiO9muOpb_oQq7tmd
Was delayed on reading this...
You love your incomplete stories, don't you, Regi?
~Skeeter The Lurker
100% chocolate... That is going to be so damn bitter.
Do they go to a lake of fire and fry?
Will we see them again on the fourth of July?
Still a raw deal if you ask me. Back before the unification, Hoofler the unicorn sent millions of Earth ponies to the gas chambers just because they were Earth ponies and now Sweetie Belle gets to share a torture room with him? I've always believed that, like all those Rainbow Dash cakes in EQD, there's a layered system built into the fabric of unreality. Sure, it'll be unpleasant but if you're not all that evil, it's just the frosting on top for you, maybe even just the Dashie blindbag figure you can steal (when no one's looking). For the Hoofler type, you'll have to eat every bit of the cake in your slice, including the goopy frosting in between, all the way to the sticky undercooked bottom.
Oh well, I suppose it could always be worse. She might have ended up in that... other place where nothing exciting happens-- at all. No drinking. No smoking. No games. No parties. Not even Nintendo. No FUN allowed. Just play the damned harp and sing those cursed verses like the book says to and if you don't, well, it'll play for you, slowly driving you mad with it's endless repetitive music. Too bad you can't go insane in that place. That would be a mercy. There is no mercy in that place.
2884060 quite possible!
2884067 Too true.
I'm reminded of a quote by the late, great, Mark Twain
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
Good foals go to Heaven. Bad foals go everywhere.
THen in a few chapters. Scootaloo will join her for murdering her entire class just because she got addicted to eating brains.
They go to Earth as plushes and get bought by bronies. That's the worst thing I can think of.
The perfect beauty.
It's 'you're' baby.
Scoots eats brains, chocolate bars contain bean paste, Sweetie Belle got murdered... what else could we possibly ask of you?
Regi delivers.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7591401728/hEDE26F6C/
I find this relevant.
Dammit Regidar! Why are your stories so funny!
2884793 fixed
2885108 magic?
Tartarus wasn't the equivalence of Hell...
They go down to a lake of fire and fry, wont see em again till the fourth of july.
2886979 True, I did fuck around with Greek Mythology a bit. Tartarus was the place in the underworld where all the really evil monsters were kept, if I remember right. I'll be addressing that in the next chapter, actually.
2886988 Tartarus was the place where everyone went when they died, good or bad.
2887040 Oh, I thought that was the Underworld in general. I thought Tartarus was that one place in the Underworld where they contained all of the horrible, horrible monsters.
FUCKING GENIUS.
2887048 Not at all
2887106 My mistake then.
Faust, you had to reference Faust.
2887258 Well duh
2887040
No, Tartarus is the pit in which the titans were imprisoned. Erebus isn't the closest thing there is to a generic region in the underworld, and it's sometimes used interchangeably with Tartarus.
2887657 Ah, so I'm in the clear then?
2887663
Yeah.
2887676 I KNEW that my misspent youth reading Percy Jackson wasn't in vein!
2887692
Again, sometimes Tartarus is used to refer to the entire underworld, but most often it's just used to refer to the pit. Strangely enough Tartarus and Erebus are also both primordial gods, being children of Chaos along with Gaia and Oranus.