Spirits of the Dead
Rainbow arrived back at the temple, landing heavily just inside the gates and trotting towards the main doors, the mighty structures swinging open as they sensed her presence. She had never worked out exactly how the psycho-plastic could sense her presence, but when she had asked, it was almost instantly clear that none of the others knew either, calling it ‘artists work’, and none of them knew anything about that stuff.
Walking into the temple, she saw the tell-tale signs of the others being back, and quickly made her way to the central chamber.
“Rainbow.” Tar’nek called out happily, as the Pegasus walked into the room.
“Tar’nek. Guys.” Rainbow nodded with a smile.
“What did you do? Drunk again?” Juhani asked with a smile. “You’re easy to read Rainbow.”
“Falling out with old friends.” She admitted casually. “Elarique’s Exodite friends.”
“What about?” Jolee asked.
“Oh, they said I shouldn’t be fighting now I’ve got a choice in the matter. I disagreed with them. All sorted now.” Rainbow said dismissively. “So, where did you all get to?”
“Nar’bok called, I had to go back to my house. Apparently there is some controversy about a new member of the wind rider clan, and as a high ranking member, they wanted my opinion.”
“Why all the fuss over a new member?” Faren asked.
“Nar’bok matter. Sorry.” Tar’nek apologised. “Strictly internal.”
“I understand.” Faren nodded. “Must be nice to be a high ranking member of a wind rider clan.”
“At least you have a Jetbike.” Goroic laughed. “I got relegated to gunner on a viper, while my father gets to fly it.”
“So you guys are all in a clan?” Rainbow asked.
“It would be easier to find an Eldar on Saim-Hann who isn’t in a clan. You may be one of the only ones, and your old Exodite buddies.” Juhani pointed out.
“So you what, quit when you join a temple, and then re-join?” Rainbow asked.
“Membership is until you die, or until you get kicked out for doing something extremely bad. Never met anyone who was kicked out.” Tar’nek said.
“How do you join?” Rainbow asked, making small talk rather than actually wanting an answer.
“Family ties usually. Sometimes if you don’t have a clan and you do something stupid or brave, usually both, you can impress members of the clan, who can appeal for you to join.” Tar’nek said. “Why? Thinking of trying to join one?”
“Nah. Just making conversation.” Rainbow replied.
“Fair enough.” Tar’nek nodded, before looking over. “Kaliden. Nice of you to join us.”
“It is not a casual visit, I’m looking for a certain blue Pegasus in our ranks.” He said, looking around, before staring at Rainbow. “My chambers.” He said simply, before turning and walking out again.
“Coming.” She said, getting up and walking after the exarch.
Quickly getting to Kaliden’s chambers, Rainbow waited patiently for the Exarch to speak. She did not have to wait for long.
“Rainbow, it’s safe to say you knew Elarique, is it not?” He asked.
“Well enough.” Rainbow said uneasily, caught off guard by the question. “Better than the rest of the Exodites in a lot of ways.”
“Probably better than most.” Kaliden agreed. “He was difficult to talk to. As an exarch I knew him for a while, but as W’rel, I only knew him for a few days before he left for the Exodites.”
“W’rel?” Rainbow asked in confusion.
“Yes. The personality who donned this armour after the previous exarch died.” Kaliden said slowly, making sure to get his facts right. “When an exarch is killed, another who has become lost on the path will don his armour, and in doing so, become the exarch. Their personalities are absorbed and combined into me. I still feel him, but I will always be stronger, I’m older.”
“Sounds like a complicated process, and I’m not going to pretend I understand it.” Rainbow smiled.
“Good. You’ll live longer, and to tell you the truth, no one understands it.” Kaliden smiled. “But down to business. The Seer Council contacted the temple, and asked us to send someone who knew Elarique. A bonus is you knew Talvan.”
“Why does it matter that I knew them?” Rainbow asked. “What does the council want?”
“They didn’t say, but when the council asks for an aspect warrior, then it can usually only mean one thing.” Kaliden said.
“What?” Rainbow asked.
“War. Total war.” Kaliden said solemnly. “You best hurry. I will organise the temple for warfare.”
Nodding, Rainbow quickly hurried out of the room, taking flight as soon as she was outside the temple, and banking towards the central tower where the seer council met.
***
Quickly crossing the craftworld, Rainbow touched down in front of the steps, before quickly trotting up them. As she approached the door, a pair of storm guardians armed with pistols and chainswords approached her, blocking her passage.
“State your business with the seer council.” One said.
“Rainbow Dash, member of the Floating Assault Swooping Hawk temple. The seer council asked to see a member of our temple.”
“Pass then.” The second one said, raising his chainsword and allowing Rainbow entrance into the council tower.
Quickly making her way through the winding corridors, Rainbow eventually found herself at the doors of the council chambers, which she hastily pushed open, walking inside with her head held high. Looking around the room as she walked forward, Rainbow saw that all eyes were on her. Finally reaching the centre of the room, Rainbow looked around at the four council members.
“You wished to see me?” She asked.
“We wished to see someone from your temple.” One of the council members nodded. “Have you ever experienced war, Rainbow?”
“I fought on Hannibal, against the Tyranids, and I have fought numerous times against the Orks.” Rainbow nodded.
“True war, Rainbow. The Avatar of Khaine has only been awakened once in recent times, but we have not yet had to call the Wraith-kind to arms. That is about to change.” Another council member said.
“The wraith-kind?” Rainbow asked.
“When an Eldars spirit stone is placed into the infinity circuit, the Eldar inside still lives in a fashion.” The third council member spoke. “It is possible to draw them out, and to gain knowledge from them.”
“Necromancy?” Rainbow asked in disgust. The practice was not unheard of on Equis, but it was a hated practice, and one of the few things that still held the death penalty.
“It is not done lightly.” The final council member spoke. “Two warriors shall be needed in the coming months, and yet, our Spiritseers are having trouble rousing them from their slumber. They report that a familiar presence may aid in drawing the spirits out from the limbo that they are in.”
“I serve the craftworld.” Rainbow said, bowing deeply.
“As expected.” The first council member spoke. “Trath, please take Rainbow Dash to the chamber of awakening.”
As he spoke, another storm guardian approached Rainbow, gently leading her towards a door off from the main chamber. Walking down the corridor behind the guardian, Rainbow could feel herself descending deeper into the bowels of the craftworld. For what felt like hours, the pair walked in silence, until Rainbow could clearly make out the low thrumming of the Craftworld’s many engines. To anyone other than an Eldar, or a Pegasus, the sound would have been lost amongst the sound of hoof and footsteps, but Rainbow had learnt to sense the subtle differences between sounds, and when coupled with her natural hearing ability, she could easily tell the difference.
Eventually, the pair approached a black iron door, and the Storm Guardian walked up to it, banging on it once, before turning and walking away.
“Where are you going?” Rainbow asked, turning to the Eldar.
“The chamber of awakening is off limits to all those who have not been asked there by the Spiritseers. I was ordered to bring you here, my duty is done.”
With that, the Eldar walked off, disappearing around a corner. Turning back to the door, rainbow inspected it, debating whether she should knock again, before she saw a crack emerge in the middle. Slowly, almost ominously, and with a loud groan, the door swung open, and Rainbow nervously walked inside.
The first thing she noticed was that it was hot, really hot. The air seemed to cling to her like treacle, and she found it slightly difficult to breathe through it, each breath prickling her lungs. Nonetheless, she forged on, and slowly, a pair of massive shapes loomed out of the unnatural haze that covered the room.
Setting eyes on one, she saw that it was a massive bipedal figure, not unlike the Guardian armour in appearance, but the size was something completely different. It towered over her, causing her to crane her neck just to look at the things face. Just next to its head, a massive cannon squatted on its left shoulder, its long barrel jutting out in the familiar shape of a brightlance. Further down, its right hand gripped a wicked looking curved sword, it's blade tip lightly touching the ground. The entire construct was on one knee, facing into the middle of the room, as if it was awaiting orders from some unseen master.
Walking across the room, Rainbow looked at the other figure. It was in the same position as the first, and looked almost identical, with only a few differences, mostly in the amount of gems that were dotted around it, and the weapons it carried. On one shoulder, it sported a massive, terrifying weapon, that Rainbow had only set eyes upon once, and knew the terrible effects the D-cannon had on those caught in its blast. In one hand, it clutched a large spear, looking like a Warlocks weapon, but scaled up to fit the monster, while strapped to its other arm was a crescent shaped shield that reminded Rainbow of a Dire Avengers shimmershield, only scaled up to fit the massive creature.
“Wraith-kind.” Came a female voice from behind Rainbow, and the cyan Pegasus whirled around, fixing her gaze upon a lone figure. The Eldar was frail, from what Rainbow could make out, being even more lithe and spindly than normal Eldar. She wore bright red robes that flowed across the floor behind her, and on her head she wore a helmet, its full face visor having a pitch black shine to it. Her right hand grasped a staff as she walked over to the first machine that Rainbow had looked at.
“A Wraithlord.” She said. “This mighty war machine has seen combat for millennium for Saim-Hann. Its spirit may have changed, but as a vessel, it has never fallen.”
Moving over to the other machine, the Eldar ran her hand over the head of it in an almost reverent way.
“And this machine.” She said, pausing, and Rainbow could tell she was smiling beneath. “Wraithseer. She has fought for millennium as well, providing both heavy support and needed council in times of war.”
“They’re beautiful.” Rainbow nodded. “Why am I here though?”
“These machines are important to the Autarchs of the craftworld, apparently the spirits they wish for me to imbue them with have knowledge about those we will face. I am however having difficulty. It is not uncommon, but certain spirits do not want to leave the comfort of the infinity circuit. They claw at its walls when I draw them out, refusing to leave. That is why you are here. A familiar presence can help give them the incentive required to fill these empty shells.”
“OK, that makes sense.” Rainbow nodded. “So what do I need to do?”
“You are already doing it.” The Spiritseer said, looking at the machines. “Already I can feel the souls of the dead writhing within these shells, trying to burst through. They wish to meet you once more.”
“Who are they?” Rainbow asked slowly.
“Quiet please.” The Spiritseer said raising her staff. “Spirits of the dead, come to me. Fill these shells, and grant us your wisdom of ages. Rise up from the shackles of unlife, and bring forth death to our enemies once more in glorious victory!”
As she chanted, the air in the room began to move, before she finally reached a crescendo, raising her staff above her head and looking straight up. A second later, two beams of light erupted from the massive gem stuck on top of the staff, striking the two wraith constructs on their own head.
The result was instantaneous, and both of the monstrous creatures began to rise, getting to their feet, before looking down at the two smaller inhabitants of the room.
“Oh mighty constructs.” The Spiritseer continued. “Though your body may die, you shall remain. Evermore. Your body’s spirit stays on, in this flesh of wraithbone. Evermore”
The Wraithlord looked down at Rainbow, before getting down onto one knee, looking straight at her with its large, empty head. Beside it, the Wraithseer followed suite, and soon, both massive machines were staring and unnerving Rainbow.
“Rain…bow.” A voice sounded, not physically, but within her mind, and Rainbow’s blood instantly froze. She knew that voice.
“E…Elarique?” She asked in shock, tears instantly flooding to her eyes.
“Yes.” It said slowly.
“And the Wraithseer? T…” Rainbow began.
“Talvan.” The other Wraithseer groaned, causing yet more tears to spring to Rainbow’s eyes.
“I…I…” She began, before breaking down into tears.
Moving forward, the blue Pegasus placed her hooves around the two constructs necks, sobbing softly. The Spiritseer, seeing that this was a sensitive time, slipped backwards, exiting the room, and closing the door behind her.
***
Equestria
***
The others looked at the happy looking Rainbow maned Pegasus with a look of confusion on their collective faces. Rainbow herself was simply smiling to herself, reminiscing about times gone by, and being reunited with old friends. Eventually however, somepony had to break the silence.
“But…I thought y’all said that they were dead.” Applejack pointed out. “That’s why ya were all sad and join the temple thing.”
“They are dead.” Rainbow said, her smile fading slightly. “About as dead as they come actually, but for the Eldar, and the Space Marines I guess, death doesn’t mean the end of your fight. Sometimes things come back.”
“But if they don’t die, how come the Eldar are dying out?” Twilight asked.
“Not everyone can inhabit a wraith construct. Coming back is hard, and no one knows if you’ll be able to do it, but passing on, that’s dead certain.”
“We must look like ants when compared to the Eldar.” Luna mused, not unhappily, but dejectedly.
“I think you look as you’ve always looked.” Rainbow smiled. “Like giants. The Eldar are so old as a race, they had their time, and now it’s just a matter of when they will finally slip beneath the surface of the waves of life. Ponies are still young. We have the whole of creation to look through, and all the time in the universe to do it in.”
***
Saim-Hann
***
After what seemed like an eternity, Rainbow pulled back from the two wraith constructs, wiping her eyes in annoyance that she had let her emotions get the better of her, but damn if it didn’t feel amazing.
“I thought I lost you.” Rainbow smiled weakly, looking at the Wraithlord that Elarique now inhabited.
“You did, but apparently my fight isn’t done.” The constructed rasped in her mind. “You placed my spirit into the infinity circuit, and I am guessing one of the others did the same with Talvan’s. Where are they? Are they safe on the Craftworld?”
“They’re safe.” Rainbow nodded. “But apart from that, I don’t know. We had a falling out, it’s not going to get better.”
“What over?” The Wraithseer asked.
“They said I was stuck in the past.” Rainbow admitted. “Tar’nek brought me to the…”
“Temple of the Floating Assault.” Elarique finished, his voice tinged with happiness. “You joined my old temple?”
“Yeah, apparently my emotions would have been bad for the Craftworld.” Rainbow laughed softly. “The other Exodites said I was betraying you. I’m not…am I?”
“Rainbow, you could never do that.” Elarique rasped softly. “You are whole, in a galaxy that tries to make you anything but. You fought like a thing possessed in the final fight of Hannibal. You should have seen it Talvan.” The Wraithlord turned to look awkwardly at the Wraithseer. “The pony who almost died at Aspoh fields was one of the most vital lynchpins in the defence of the final village.” He slowly turned back towards Rainbow. “But it was also dangerous. I trust you have met the Exarch of the Floating Assault, W’rel, I believe his name was, before he became Kaliden once more.”
“Yeah.” Rainbow nodded.
“Then you know of the curse of the Exarchs. Giving yourself into the love of battle, getting lost of Khaines bloody path. That is a fate I did not wish on you. Don’t lose yourself to the Eldar Rainbow, stick to who you are, and what you know, fight if you can, protect those who need it, and kill those who deserve it, but never fall to it, never love to fight, or you may never do anything else. Locked in an eternal struggle, a ghost of Saim-Hann, just like Talvan and I are at the moment.”
“So when you said don’t lose yourself, you didn’t mean…” Rainbow trailed off.
“That you should never fight again?” Elarique asked. “No, I saw you on Hannibal Rainbow, and there are a few things you excel at. One of them is flying, and maybe, maybe, if the humans had let you live you could perform flying shows for them, but fate didn’t blow that way. The other thing that I can see in you is loyalty, something you will defend to the death. That’s what makes you great warrior Rainbow. Not you’re skill, or a possible callousness when it comes to taking life, which I know you do not have, but your loyalty to protect anyone you can, that is your greatest blessing.”
“Protector, not warrior.” Talvan agreed.
“Thanks.” Rainbow smiled weakly. “You have no idea how much that means.”
“Believe you me Rainbow.” Talvan nodded, before the mighty creature began to rise. “I know the effects kind words can have on some.”
Following suite, Elarique’s Wraithlord got to its feet as well. As it did so, the door to the chamber once again creaked open, and the Spiritseer from before walked in. Even hidden behind the soulless helmet, Rainbow could tell that she was smiling beneath it, although whether that was because Rainbow had been comforted, or because the two mighty warriors were finally interred in the wraith constructs, Rainbow could not tell.
“I trust you have had your conversation?” She asked smoothly.
Rainbow nodded once, as did the two wraith constructs. Nodding herself, the Spiritseer turned on her heels and walked out of the room. Quickly, Rainbow hurried after her, followed closely by the surprisingly agile forms of Elarique and Talvan, their feet hardly making more noise than a Guardians foot fall, as the four of them made their way back towards the chamber of the Seer council.
This is what I imagine Elarique's Wraithlord to look like:
Link: here
As always, any mistakes, please point them out.
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I think it should be "About as dead as they come actually" but that's REALLY picky
3582440
Thanks for pointing that out. Fixed now.
That Wraithlord looks awesome xD
“Quite please.”
It should be "Quiet please."
3582678
Thanks. Fixed now
Actually, Space Marines should be always written in capital, not like this :
Besides that, really good chapter with nice fore-shadowing.
Believe you me? what does that mean?
3583133
Believe me pretty much. I'm sure I've heard it used elsewhere.
I'm not getting a wraithlod pic, just a guy with a mustache.
Any ideas?
Awesome
3584755
Link added, and here it is as well.
3586584 Thanks very much.
3601990
There will be no smurfs in this story, blue or otherwise, just letting you know. As for which chapters will appear, that part is coming up soonish,
3601990 The best bet is properly a rouge trader or the salamanders. The space wolfs aren't too bad either. I just REALLY hope it's not marines malevolent...
Those guys are c**t's
Hello, I am the WRITE reviewer for this story, Swooping Pegasus. I'll be going through the narrative, considering good things, bad things, interesting things, and things that are also interesting but perhaps not in a way one would want.
Before I begin, I just want to note that Crossovers are particularily interesting (and I use the term to mean capable of good and bad) in that there's several challanges that crop up uniquely for this genre, and several approaches on how to deal with them.
Swooping Pegasus looks to be what I'd consider a hard Crossover, in that settings, elements, and characters from both universes are treated as two distinct yet equal settings. A soft Crossover, on the other hand, would be one in which the setting has a single source, the characters have a single source (not necessarily the same as the setting) and it is only themes and tones of the crossing-over universe that are at play.
That said, I'll call up issues and address them as they appear.
Prologue:
I like it. A lot of Crossovers I see try to start on the OTHER side (not the pony side), and it means there's a lot of hard to follow, not really relevant things happening. Here the Prologue does know itself better than that. It establishes the foundations and drives us nicely along into the main narrative without any preamble at all.
Here we get a few good thingies right from the get-go - some combative dialgoue, a two-year abscence of change and reunion to resolve, a cat (seriously, what's up with that?) and of course the obvious of what the hell actually happened.
I am noticing quite a few errors, particularily in Reunion. I wouldn't normally call simple grammar to attention, but this is a little excessive, even for me.
>>too
>>definitely, Dash
>>This is actually two errors in one. In speaking, 5 should be written as five. Likewise, "will be wating outside,(comma)" spoke another voice.
Indentations are strange. Sometimes they're there, sometimes not.
There are plenty more grammatical issues to spot, but I'll leave it on that with the mention that a proofing would not go amiss.
Dialgoue - The dialgoue here feels really quite forced.
>> This in particular shows what I mean. It's one thing to have characters recognizeable by their qualities, the ways they act and think, and quite another to have them spout catch-phrases in such a heavy handed fashion.
The effect is, sadly, a little detrimental to the story. Another line for example:
...comes across as rather quite sloppy. It fails to really express any emotion at all. It's compounded because the narrative just moments before made a vivid and detailed exposition of Rainbow Dash's scars, and nobody seems to have noticed or cares. Scars are par for the course in 40k, but even one pronounced scar would attract attention and sentiment in Equestria, let alone a crisscrossing network of them and really, suggests to me that the story struggles a bit in being dialgoue (ergo character) driven.
Again, the dialogue with the Eldar introduction is...clunky. If you notice, the whole exchange here is almost entirely dialgoue but there's no actions, and no thoughts that go with them.
For instance - Dash just watched a hormagaunt get shot through the head and summarily die. That sort of thing doesn't typically happen in her range of experience, and here she's basically carrying on like it never happened at all, just like we saw with the scars beforehand.
This is where I'd like to talk a bit about crossovers. There's a quality in making a good crossover, that for lack of a proper word I'll call blending. It means that as the story progresses, as your two universes collide and interact, the qualities of the story come towards a common middle ground, recognizeable to both but in itself distinct from either. Think like how you would get green from mixing blue and yellow. It's recognizeably related to both the other colours, but it's still its own self as well.
The failure to allow the two universes to interact is what I'm seeing so far. We get scars and hormagaunt killing (both very much 40k) going unremarked upon ponies who otherwise should notice the hell out of these things.
AH! there - with the mention of trillions, finally we get a sort of moment of recognition, recognising the other side of the crossover veil. It gets forgotten pretty quickly, but it's a start.
In summarasition of the first few chapters -
The prologue handles the intial Crossing Over much better than I typically see as a reviewer, though a few faults still crop up. There is quite a number of grammatical failings about the place, more than even I am comfortable reading through, and I usually don't even notice errors.
The dialogue is not the strongest aspect of the story so far. Characters feel somewhat flanderized, that is, shoehorned into their catchphrases and most readily recognizeable traits, without much room for original thought or development.
The story hesitates to blend its source materials. The scars and the armour are particularily a wasted oppurtunity, I feel, for a chance at some character development. It would have been nice to see the varied reactions of everyone present to Dash, and what they notice most strongly - her scars, her armour, or herself. For example, I could imagine Fluttershy braving the armour entirely just to hold Dash and cry, seeing what terrible things are implied by the old scars, while someone like Pinkie would (and indeed, in the story is) simply elated to see her alive and well, with the others going various and mixed feelings.
Instead we got hyperspace cake.
The dialgoue issue is made worse by what is known affectionately as 'talking heads' syndrome. The worst offender is Dash's meeting with the eldar. There's a great deal of casual back and forth, but very little in the way of thought or interaction. It doesn't do much other than tell the story of the Fall, when what it really needed to do was set the groundwork for character interaction. A lot of stories you might note don't even begin their equivalent of this scene with dialogue, instead opting to have the character simply have a chance to look around and poke about the bizarre, alien, nigh eldritch (as it seems to them) setting.
As it is for now, it's a little difficult for me to take the moment seriously. Particulary when the Lyra/human thing is mentioned and yer man there goes all full-caps with it.
AND SO- the story looks to me to be very action/event driven. Now, a character driven story can be absouly innundated with action because that is what the characters drive it towards, but this doesn't seem the case here. Rather than the characters pushing towards action because of who they are and what they choose, it feels like events are coming to them (namely Dash, of course), leaving her very little to think about, or to even decide.
As a crossover, it leaves me with the impression that things are a bit...uncomplicated. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's one thing to wax philosophical, and another to have a good adventure romp with wraithlords, fire prisms, and the webway. But, lacking the development - the blending I mentioned earlier, the ability for characters to really look at and deal with the tone of the other half of the story - I wouldn't in good conscience be able to take the story any more seriously than this; a flight of fancy, with 40k stuck in.
I will continue with the story (and by extension, this review) in due time. Any questions you have or points you wish to discuss, you are most welcome to contact me.
3649037
Thanks for the review on this bit, it's awesome, and I will make sure to go back and make some edits to bits. In my defence, this was the first thing I've ever written, and I know it's weak. Still, no excuse really.
Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy the story.
3714931
That was an idea I had at first, it may come back, it may retcon the idea, depending on how the next section goes.
3726122
Thanks for pointing that out. I will sort it out when I get back to my computer. This should be the link though: http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/9048/cbw.png
Forgot to capitalise.
Forgot to capitalise.
Center, in this case.
Eldar's.
Forgot to capitalise.
Forgot to capitalise.
Its.
Warlock's.
Avenger's.
Suit.
Construct's.
On Khaine's.
Your.
Suit.
Guardian's.
So in a way a wraithlord is the eldar equivalent of a space marine dreadnaught? Cool this fic has been enlightening as i only recenty became intrested in eldar so neet
Dang, that pic looks badass!