The Rainbow Blitz Disaster

by arglefumph

The Perfect Stallion

Prince Solaris and his brother, Prince Artemis, were looking into a large, impressive mirror. The mirror frame was rather imposing, with golden gilded edges. The mirror itself was glowing purple, and it seemed to vibrate as two mares stepped out from the inside.

"I am Prince Solaris," said the taller of the two stallions. He had a flowing mane, made up of reddish hues. "This is my brother, Prince Artemis. You two must be Rarity and Pinkie Pie."

"We've been waiting for you," Prince Artemis said. Prince Artemis had a short-cut, dark blue mane and a stern-looking face decorated with a large and fanciful mustache.

"Thank you," Rarity said graciously, bowing to them. "It is an honor to meet your royal highnesses."

Pinkie Pie was much less formal. She shook her head to let her hair loose and said, "So, this is Stallion World, huh? You two must be the Princesses! You're Celestia, and you're Luna!"

Solaris smiled at the pink pony. "You must be the female Bubble Berry. Welcome to the Stallion Universe."

"Nice mustache," Pinkie Pie said to Artemis. "It's all flowy and cool and stuff!"

"Pinkie!" Rarity snapped. Then she chuckled nervously. "Er, Pinkie, dear, shouldn't we be a bit more polite when addressing royalty?"

"Oh, right!" Pinkie Pie said. "Nice mustache, sir!"

Artemis smiled. "Our counterparts have already informed of us of your situation," he said. "Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Blitz got switched somehow, is that right?"

"Exactly," Rarity said. "We have come here to find her and bring her back home."

"The good news is, that shouldn't be too difficult," Prince Solaris said. "Based on the letter I received from Dusk Shine, your friend Rainbow Dash is in Ponyville. I took the liberty of arranging two tickets for you on the Friendship Express."

"Thank you very much," Rarity said, bowing again.

"Dusk Shine is Dude Twilight, right?" Pinkie Pie asked. "I can't wait to meet him! I bet he's crazy!"

Solaris smiled. He had purposely not told Dusk Shine that the two mares were coming, just to make things more interesting. Prince Solaris liked to liven things up a little, sometimes. In fact, the prince's playful streak led some ponies to nickname him "Prince Trollaris".

"It's fun meeting new ponies!" Pinkie Pie continued. "Meeting you two is super fun! There are almost no princes in our world, except for Prince Blueblood, who's a meanie-weanie, so he doesn't count!"

"Princess Blueblood?" Artemis asked.

"I believe she is referring to Princess Bluebelle," Solaris said. "Surely, you remember the Gala incident?"

"How could I forget?" Artemis asked. "She tried to sue Elusive for attempted murder, by means of cake."

Pinkie gasped. "Ohmygosh, we have to meet Girl Prince Blueblood!" she said. "Do you think she's still stuck-up? I bet being a mare has mellowed her out some. And I want to meet Guy Cadance and Girl Shining Armor, and—"

"We would be happy to give you a tour of our wonderful kingdom," Prince Artemis interrupted. "But alas, time runs short; the royal bedtime is swift approaching. Perhaps after you finish with your mission."

"Er...right," Rarity said. "In that case, we should probably catch the train before it leaves the station. Right, Pinkie?"

"Sure!" Pinkie Pie said.

Rarity bowed again to Solaris and Artemis, prompting Pinkie Pie to ask, "Why are you bowing so much? They're not our Princes!". But Pinkie Pie bowed goodbye to the Royal Brothers, too, after Rarity discreetly elbowed Pinkie in her tummy.

Rarity strode purposefully towards the exit, while Pinkie happily bounced around. She started making a mental list of all the ponies she wanted to meet in this new universe—it was basically a list of every pony she knew, except her family members. She wasn't sure if she could handle seeing her sisters as colts.

The two princes exchanged a knowing look as the mares left the hall. Once they were along, Artemis spoke.

"Is it just me, or is Bubble Berry a lot more tolerable as a mare?" Prince Artemis asked. He half-laughed. "I told you that you that mares dig my stache."

Prince Solaris groaned. "You look ridiculous," he complained.

"You're just jealous because you can only grow a beard, not a mustache," Artemis gloated.

"You did not just go there!" Prince Solaris said. "Don't make me challenge you to a beard-off!"

---

A very pleased Rainbow Dash trotted towards her two friends.

"Mfhim miofficul wommumul smemmul," Rainbow Dash said.

"We can't understand you," Bubble Berry said.

Rainbow Dash spit the piece of paper out of her mouth and on the ground. "This is my official Wonderbolts schedule," she said. "They want me to train with them!"

"But...we're sending you home in a week," Dusk Shine said, reading the paper. "You can't possibly attend any of these training sessions."

"Well, yeah, but maybe the other Wonderbolts will accept this!" Rainbow Dash said. "Does it matter? I'm in the Wonderbolts!"

"That's Wondercolts, and this says you're just a temporary junior member, pending another full tryout six months from now," Dusk said.

"Do you have to try to ruin this for me, Twilight?!" Rainbow Dash snapped. "I mean, uh, Dusky Shores."

"I'm just trying to be reasonable here!" Dusk Shine said. "Somepony has to! Not everypony can go around kissing whoever they want!"

Bubble Berry put a comforting hoof on Dusk Shine's shoulder. "It's okay, bro," Bubble said. "You'll get your first kiss someday. I promise."

"AUGH!" Dusk Shine screamed. "That—that's not important right now! We're talking about Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow Dash snorted. "Relax, Dusk Light, everything will be fine," she said, in a slightly patronizing tone. "I'll be a good girl from now on, and I won't get into any trouble at all."

"Great!" Dusk Shine said happily. "That's why I think you should move in with me."

"What?" Rainbow Dash asked. Bubble Berry just looked confused.

"You know, so you don't get into trouble!" Dusk Shine said. "You should stay inside, at my house, for the rest of your time here. That way you won't accidentally mess up our universe."

"And how exactly do you think I'm 'messing up' your universe, huh?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Are you saying I'm a screw-up?"

Dusk Shine tapped the Wondercolts schedule with his hoof. "This, for example," he said. "Your acceptance letter shouldn't exist in this universe, because you shouldn't exist here. What if your actions cause the Wonderbolts to go out of existence?"

"That would never happen!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Maybe, but a lot of other things could happen," Dusk Shine said. "You could throw off the weather patterns while flying, or you could accidentally break the mayor's leg, or..."

"You could break Applejack's heart!" Bubble Berry said.

Rainbow Dash glared at her pink friend.

"Sorry," Bubble Berry said, his ears flattening on his head as he looked down. "I was just trying to help."

"The point is, it's probably safer if you do as little as possible," Dusk Shine said. "Considering what happened with Applejack...I just don't want anything bad to happen. You understand, right?"

Rainbow Dash sighed. Dusk Shine looked so hopeful as he smiled at her that she didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Look, I'm a grown mare," Rainbow Dash said. "I don't need a foal-sitter. I'll keep a low profile, but I won't stay inside somepony's house for the next seven days. That's boring!"

"Yeah, boring is boring!" Bubble Berry said. "You know what we should do? We should throw Rainbow Dash a party for getting into the Wondercolts! That's not boring at all!"

"No!" Dusk Shine said. "That's the exact opposite of keeping a low profile!"

"Not if we only invite celebrities!" Bubble Berry said. "Then it'd be a high profile event!"

Dusk Shine let out a frustrated sigh. "Bubble, that's not what that phrase means!"

"Hey, I have an idea," Rainbow Dash said. "Why don't I celebrate here in Cloudsdale? That way I won't accidentally destroy the timeline, or whatever has you so worried."

"That's not what—do you two understand anything I'm talking about?!" Dusk Shine snapped.

"Of course!" Bubble Berry said. "You're saying that we should party here, instead of home! I've always wanted to go to an authentic pegasus party! Let's go!"

"Ugh," Dusk Shine sighed, as he walked after the bouncing Bubble Berry and the flying Rainbow Dash. He had a feeling that it would be necessary to keep a close eye on those two.

---

An hour or so later, Rarity and Pinkie Pie arrived at the Ponyville Train Station. The two of them left the train together. Rarity was giggling and bouncing around more than Pinkie Pie, which caused some of the stallions to glance curiously at the two giddy mares.

"Uh...are you okay?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"I'm better than okay!" Rarity said. "I'm fantastic! Just look around!"

Pinkie looked around. There were about five stallions who could be seen, from the area outside the train station. She thought that she recognized all of them from their female counterparts—she had to guess with two of them—but that didn't explain Rarity's behavior.

"All I see are some stallions," Pinkie Pie said, scratching her head.

"Exactly! There are stallions everywhere!" Rarity giggled in an unladlylike manner. "And we could be here for days! This is a great opportunity!"

"Opportunity?" Pinkie asked. "What are you talking about?"

"This is our chance to find the perfect stallion!" Rarity said.

"The what?" Pinkie asked. Her eyes bulged out.

Rarity began to sing.

Pinkie, we are sweet and kind,
The best mares that one could hope for.
The perfect stallion we must find
One to make our hearts soar...

"Hey, wait a second!" Pinkie Pie said. "I know that song! Your sister Sweetie Belle sang it on Hearts and Hooves Day!"

"Who do you think taught her that song?" Rarity asked. "Me, of course!"

"Yeah, but we're not here to find coltfriends!" Pinkie said. "We're here to find our lost friend, Rainbow Dash!"

"There's no reason why we can't do both," Rarity said. "Hey, is that Berry Punch? Wow, he needs a mane cut."

"Rarity..." Pinkie Pie said. Pinkie liked being a silly pony, but there were times when she could be a responsible adult, such as when she watched over the Cake babies. It was starting to look like Pinkie would have to pull from her inner reserves of maturity again. "You're not going to go colt-crazy again, are you? Remember the disaster you had, last Hearts and Hooves Day?"

"Uh huh, sure," Rarity said, not paying attention. She continued the song, singing loudly to herself. Her lyrics were a bit more...generous than Sweetie Belle's.

He has cute hair. He has nice eyes
Look at all the wonderful guys
They're big, they're strong, they're smart, they're kind,
I can't get these handsome ones off my mind...

"Uh..." Pinkie Pie said. Most of stallions were now openly staring at Rarity and Pinkie Pie. That tends to happen when you go out in public, then sing and dance about how attractive everyone is. Pinkie tried to bring her friend back to Earth.

Rarity, we're getting stares, Pinkie sang.
They're not used to singing mares...

Rarity twirled around on her hind legs, and finished by pointing at the most attractive stallion in the area.

See that unicorn! What a dashing suit!
An elegant mane and tail to boot!
Where did he get such a fine outfit?

The stallion chuckled at Rarity's enthusiasm, then finished the verse for her. Why, this old thing? I made it.

Rarity gasped. "You're a fashion designer?!"

"In a manner of speaking," the marshmallow-colored stallion said. "My name is Elusive. I run a tuxedo store, but I dabble in my own creations from time to time."

"Oh, I simply adore fashion!" Rarity said. "You simply must show me some of your designs!"

"I would be honored to, my good lady," Elusive said. He smiled at the beautiful mare in front of him. "As long as you promise to tell me how you style your mane so perfectly!"

"I shall!" Rarity said. "I can already tell that we will have a lot to talk about! And please, call me Rarity."

"You certainly are a rarity..." Elusive said softly, admiring her eyelashes. "I don't think I've ever met a mare quite as cultured as you."

Pinkie Pie gagged. The two unicorns, who had been lost in each other's eyes, looked up at the noise.

"Is something the matter, dear?" Rarity asked.

"Yes, actually, there—" Pinkie began.

"We'll finish the song later," Rarity said, with a dismissive wave of her hoof. "Go find something to amuse yourself, okay? Right now, Elusive and I are talking."

"Indeed," Elusive said.

Pinkie Pie could tell she wasn't wanted. She sighed and turned to the right, where she almost ran straight into a stallion.

"Eeek!" the stallion said, falling over his hooves in an attempt to back away.

"Oh!" Pinkie Pie said. "I didn't notice you!"

Pinkie smiled in a friendly way to show that she wasn't upset, but her efforts didn't seem to placate the butter-yellow pegasus she had run into. He scrunched himself into a small ball, and he tried to hide behind his pink hair.

"Hey, I know you!" Pinkie Pie said. "You must be Flutterguy!"

"Flutterwhat?" Butterscotch said. "I'm...I'm buttersc..."

"What?" Pinkie Pie asked. She leaned in to hear better.

"Buttsch..." Butterscotch mumbled.

"I can't hear you!" Pinkie Pie said in a singsong voice. She stepped closer to Butterscotch, until she was about four inches away from his mouth.

The shy pony threw his head upwards. "Please don't get any closer!" he said loudly.

"Now I can hear you just fine!" Pinkie Pie said. "I bet you like animals, don't you?"

Butterscotch let out a breath, then nodded. "Taking care of animals is my special talent," he said softly.

"Making friends with new ponies is my special talent!" Pinkie Pie said. She held out her hoof. "I'm Pinkie Pie! Who are you?"

Butterscotch eyed Pinkie's hoof for a second, before shaking it. "I'm Butterscotch," he said, at a normal volume level.

"Really? I thought I was the only pony who was named after the color of their coat!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Me too," Butterscotch said. "And...um...I've never met a mare with a pink mane like mine before..."

"Did you hear that the mayor dyes her mane?" Pinkie Pie asked. "I don't believe it! Dyeing her pink mane to gray? She should have pink pride!"

Butterscotch laughed gently. "Mayor Mustang isn't a mare," he said.

"Oh, right..." Pinkie Pie said. "I was thinking of my mayor."

"You don't live in Ponyville?" Butterscotch asked.

"My friend and I are from...somewhere else," Pinkie Pie said.

"Oh, me too!" Butterscotch said. "Um, not exactly, though...I mean, I live in Ponyville, but I'm not from here originally..."

"You're from Cloudsdale, right?" Pinkie Pie asked. "I visited there the other day, and—"

"Fiiiiin-ished!" a voice sang. "Pinkie, let's go!"

Pinkie turned to see a very satisfied-looking Rarity. Rarity was now wearing a giant hat of her own design, which she had pulled out of her saddlebag to show Elusive. Rarity gestured for Pinkie to come over to her.

"Gotta go!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Uhm...but..." Butterscotch said. "I don't want...I mean, if it's okay with you...I'd like to talk some more..."

"Don't worry, we'll see each other later!" Pinkie Pie said. She gave Butterscotch a big smile, which seemed to put him at ease. As she bounced away, Butterscotch watched her and smiled happily.

"That was a very successful meeting," Rarity said. "I knew coming to Stallion World was a great idea! I have...a date tonight!"

Rarity giggled, while Pinkie facehoofed. "Don't you know who that stallion is?"

"Of course!" Rarity said. "He's The Perfect Stallion, just like in the song!"

"I love singing, but that's not—" Pinkie Pie began to say.

Rarity interrupted Pinkie Pie, by clearing her throat loudly. In a regal tone, she sang the conclusion to her song. He's the perfect stallion, whose heart is true...

"But Rarity, that stallion's YOU!" Pinkie finished.

Rarity stopped dead in her tracks. "Wh-wh-wh-WHAAAAAT?" she asked.

"That stallion was obviously the male version of you," Pinkie Pie said.

"He is...he is not!" Rarity said, her face getting hot.

"You're both white unicorns with purple manes," Pinkie said. "And I think he had a diamond cutie mark, too."

"That—that's mere coincidence!" Rarity said. "We just happen to look alike!"

"Nuh-uh!" Pinkie Pie said. "You have a date with yourself! You two are almost the exact same!"

"Preposterous!" Rarity said. "I admit that Elusive and I have a good deal in common, but there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, that's why he's the perfect stallion for me! You can hardly expect me to like somepony who's completely different from me!"

"Yeah, but he's not completely different. He's completely alike," Pinkie Pie said. "Even your names are similar."

"Enough," Rarity said. "I refuse to brook any argument about this. Elusive could be my special somepony, and I won't have you slandering him with lies. Besides, the thought of meeting our male counterparts in this world is...*shudder*...unpleasant."

"Really?" Pinkie Pie asked. "You don't want to meet the colt copies of us?"

"Not at all," Rarity said, shaking her head. "On a scale of one to weird, seeing my friends as stallions would probably rate an 'unbearably disturbing.' Meeting Rainbow Blitz was more than enough for me, thank you."

"But I met the colt Fluttershy, and that wasn't bad!" Pinkie Pie said. "He seemed pretty normal!"

"Wa-wait!" Rarity said. She tried to recall the stallion she had seen for a few seconds. "That stallion you were talking with was Fluttershy?"

"Yep!" Pinkie Pie said. "Everypony here calls him 'Butterscotch', though!"

"Oh...oh, dear," Rarity said. Suddenly, being in Stallion Universe didn't seem like a fun adventure anymore.

Comments

[Rainbow87dash]

Yup Rarity you self loving egomaniac

Wow Pinkie being responsible?

Dusk Shine is such an idiot I swear only Dash and Pinkie are the smart ones in this entire story

[Shadowcatcher]

First misread the title as "The Perfect Storm", which seems to be what the story is leading up to!

[kiddecay]

Aretims... Was a Greek goddess...

[nemryn]

"Do you have to try to ruin this for me, Twilight?!" Rainbow Dash snapped. "I mean, uh, Dusky Shores."

I love this running gag where nopony can remember anypony's name.

[Shanenator]

Hehe...oh simply fabulous. Loved Rarity's character here. And Pinkie, too. I always knew she could step up to the plate when she had to! This story is just so creatively done, I love it! AND MORE SHIPPING! YES!!

Lol poor Dusk, he just wants a date...

2322480 I must concur.

[ShadowLDrago]

I sweart Dusk and Pinkie (oddly enough) Are the Only Sane Mares, usually that's Twi and Dusk. I loved the interaction begtween Rarity and Pinkie, for once Pinkie being responsible, she may be happy go lucky and generally very energetic, but she can be serious when she so needs.