The Rainbow Blitz Disaster

by arglefumph

Dragon Adventures

Stallion Universe

Rainbow Dash slammed her hoof on the counter. "What do you mean you don't have any stamps?" she demanded. "This is a post office!"

"I'm sorry," the gray pegasus working there said. "We put in an order for more last week, but they haven't arrived yet! I just don't know what went wrong!"

"ARGH!" Rainbow Dash said, throwing her hooves in the air. "Forget it, then!"

She left the post office, muttering angrily about incompetent, cross-eyed morons making it impossible for her to contact Prince Solaris. Eventually, she shook it off and was about to fly away when a deep voice said, "Hey!"

Rainbow Dash looked to the left and was startled to see a red mare standing close. She was an Earth pony about two inches larger than Rainbow Dash, with eyelashes so thick and long that Rarity would have a jealous fit.

"Hey..." Rainbow Dash said in response, not sure what else to say.

The mare took a piece of hay out of her mouth. "Name's Red Gala," she said. "You Rainbow Dash?"

It took Rainbow Dash a moment to realize this was the female version of Big Macintosh. To be honest, Rainbow never spoke much with him in her own universe. It wasn't that she disliked Big Mac or anything like that; it's just that there wasn't much for the two of them to talk about. And besides, by all accounts, Big Mac didn't talk much in general.

"Yeah, I'm Rainbow Dash," Rainbow said. "What's up?"

"Been lookin' fer you fer a while now," Red Gala said. "Come with me."

Red Gala gestured her head down the road, and Rainbow Dash followed. The larger mare had a portable apple cart. She strapped herself into the cart and walked towards the market area. Along the way, she talked with Rainbow.

"What's up with you an' mah brother?" Red Gala asked, getting straight to the point.

"Applejack?" Rainbow Dash asked. Oh, geez. Awk—ward. "Heh heh, nothing much. We're just friends, that's all."

"Eeenope," Red Gala said easily.

"Aw, fine," Rainbow Dash said. "I like him, okay? He's really cool stallion. Pretty athletic, too. I like that in a colt."

"He like you?" Red asked.

"Sure, I guess," Rainbow Dash asked. "I mean, he seems like he enjoys spending time with me. When we had a race around the farm, he was laughing his head off the whole time."

"What're yer plans fer him?" Red Gala asked suspiciously.

Jeez, I forgot how protective the Apples are when it comes to family, Rainbow thought.

"I don't have any plans," she said. "I mean, I'm leaving town next week, so I can't really get...involved with anypony."

"Ah see," Red said. "You and AJ are just friends who like each other. That's what yer sayin'?"

"Eeeyup," Rainbow Dash said, imitating Big Mac's drawl.

Red Gala raised an eyebrow at her.

"I mean, yes, that's right," Rainbow Dash said quickly.

Red Gala tossed her hair to the side and stopped walking. She cast a critical gaze on Rainbow and said, "Now, see, that's funny you said that. Cuz the other day, AJ came home in a real bad mood. Said it was cuzza some lying, trashy pegasus mare."

Rainbow stood up to her full height and unfolded her wings to make herself look bigger. She leaned forward, getting right into Red Gala's face. "Hey! Who you calling trashy, pal?" she asked.

Red Gala, to her credit, didn't back off. She stiffened up and glared right down at Rainbow. "What are you doin' with Applejack?" she asked in response. "Ah don't take kindly to floozies who hurt mah little brother!"

"I'm not a flu-whatever," Rainbow said hotly. "Your brother is just a stubborn jerk who refuses to believe me! That's his problem, not mine!"

"Nnnope!" Red Gala said. "You messed him up; you fix him!"

"No way!" Rainbow Dash said. "I'm not apologizing to a colt when I didn't do anything wrong! That's against the Mare Code! I don't care how good of a kisser he is!"

"KISSER?" Red Gala shouted.

"Oh, crud," Rainbow Dash said.

Flames seemed to erupt out of the red mare's nostrils. "YOU KISSED MAH BROTHER?" she shouted.

"No!" Rainbow Dash said quickly. "He kissed me!

"NNNNOPE!" Red Gala shouted. She slammed her large hooves on the ground three times. "Nope! Nope! Nope!"

---

One minute later...

In the marketplace, all the vendors were putting the last minute touches on their stands before the market opened for the day.

About forty yards away from the large fountain, a green pony with a turnip for a cutie mark was humming to himself. His birth name was Frank Equinius, but he called himself "Turnip Taster". He was standing on his hind legs, putting up a new sign over his booth.

Two turnips for a bit, five turnips for two bits! the sign proclaimed.

His next-door salesman, a pony named Eggward, stopped to take a look. "Nice sign!" he said. "Think it'll work?"

"It better!" Turnip said. "It cost me thirty bits to have it made!"

"Thirty? Are you nuts?" Eggward asked. "You could have gotten a sign like that for five!"

"You wait and see," Turnip said proudly. "It'll be the best move I ever—"

"GANGWAY!" a voice shouted.

Turnip and Eggward barely had time to step backwards when a light blue pegasus mare flew right between their two stalls. She was soon followed by an angry red mare, pulling an apple cart. Red Gala didn't even slow down for a second as the apple cart demolished Turnip and Eggward's stalls.

"Augh!" Eggward shouted. "My eggs! I spent an hour getting them ready!"

"My sign!" Turnip shouted. "It's ruined!"

"You'll pay for this, Apple Family!" Eggward promised.

---

Mare Universe

The world was a strange blur of blue and white for a moment, before Spines landed butt-first on a bridge. The Elements of Harmony all fell onto the ground next to her.

"What the—?" she asked. "Where am I?"

Spines got up and looked around. She instantly recognized her current location as Ponyville. It was starting to get dark, so there weren't too many ponies still out on the streets.

"Huh," Spines said. One second, she was on an adventure fighting Discord, and the next, she was back home, where nothing important seemed to be happening. It was a rather unexpected change.

Spines decided to follow Luna's instruction to keep the Elements of Harmony safe. She knew the perfect hiding spot in the library, in a hidden bookshelf. She picked up the various elements and travelled the familiar path to her home.

Spines opened the library door—unlocked, as usual—and went inside. The first thing she did was put the Elements on a table, so she wouldn't have to carry them anymore. She was walking towards the hidden bookshelf, when she caught sight of a mirror.

"Hmmm..." Spines said, looking at her reflection.

She dashed to the table with the Elements of Harmony and put on one of the necklaces. She returned to the mirror and examined her reflection. As she had suspected, she looked gorgeous.

"Lookin' good, Spines, lookin' real good," she told herself, as she started posing.

"Is somepony there?" a voice asked from upstairs.

"Eep!" Spines said. She wasn't alone in the library!

"Uh, nopony is here!" Spines called upstairs.

"Oh, okay," the voice said. Spines didn't recognize who it was; it sounded like a young boy. After a pause, the boy said, "Hey, wait a sec! If nopony is there, who answered me?"

"Uh...oh..." Spines said. She reached behind her neck to take off the necklace, but her fingers fumbled with the clasp.

A small purple dragon came down the stairs. About halfway down, he caught sight of Spines and his eyes went wide.

"Augh!" Spike cried.

"Aaaah!" Spines cried in response. Is that ME?

Spike's dragon instincts instantly told him that Spines' long ears indicated she was female. "You-yuh-yuh, you're a girl dragon?" Spike asked.

"Uhm...yes!" Spines said. "My name is Spines."

Spike ran as quickly as he could to her side. "My name's Spike! I'm in charge of the Golden Oaks Library! I've never seen a girl dragon before! Wow, you look so much like me! What brings you here to Ponyville?"

Spines took a step backwards, to get a better view of Spike. He looked disturbingly similar to her. In fact, the only real difference between the two was that Spines had longer ears. "Did...did Twilight tell you what she's doing in Canterlot?"

"You know Twilight?" Spike asked. "That's great! She's my number one assistant, you know—totally not the other way around—"

"Did she tell you what she's doing in Canterlot?" Spines repeated.

"Huh?" Spike asked. "She's investigating some place where all the stallions are mares. What does that have to do with—ahhhhh!"

"Yeah..." Spines said.

"You're me as a girl?" Spike asked. "No way! That's crazy! That's impossible! That's—actually, that explains why you're so good-looking."

"Thanks," Spines said. "You're pretty handsome yourself."

"Heh, that's what all the ladies tell me!" Spike said proudly.

Spines was a bit surprised to hear this. "Which ladies?" she asked.

"...None of them," Spike admitted. "Especially not Rarity..."

Spines grabbed Spike and gave him a manly dragon-hug. "I feel your pain, Spike," she said. "I feel your pain."

---

Stallion Universe

The air was electric in Ponyville that night, as Bubble Berry was putting on his biggest party ever. He even managed to rent out the large town hall for this special occasion. The pink party pony was bouncing up and down with glee, as guests from all over appeared.

"Hi, Green Onion! Hello, Glittering Gown! Cute dress! Hello, Harpsy!" Bubble Berry said.

One of the most dependable ponies in town showed up, wearing his usual hat. "Howdy," Applejack said.

"Oh my gosh! Applejack! You made it!" Bubble Berry said. "I didn't think you'd come! Nopony's seen you in a long time!"

"Well, Ah've been busy lately," Applejack said. "That's why Ah came here. I need a break from mah life."

"Oh no!" Bubble Berry gasped. "What's wrong? You're not overworking yourself again, are you?"

"Nah, nothing like that," Applejack said. "Ah'm just kinda mad, 'cause my sister ran up a bill fer 500 bits this morning."

"Whaaat?" Bubble Berry asked. "That's more than it cost to rent the hall! What did she do?"

"She won't tell me!" Applejack said. "I swear, sometimes that girl has less sense than a cow farmer in a sheep shearing competition. Anyway, what's the big party for?"

"Didn't you read the invitation?" Bubble Berry asked. "It's to celebrate the arrival of my twin sister!"

"Uh..." Applejack scratched his head. "Ah thought that was a mistake. You don't have any sisters."

Bubble Berry leaned close to his friend. "Secretly, she's me from the Mare Universe, but we're just pretending she's my sister to make things easier on everypony."

"Mare Uni—awh, not you too!" Applejack said. "First, that Rainbow Trash says she's from another universe, and then Dusk Shine tries to get me to believe her story, an' now—"

"PINKIE!" Bubble Berry called, sticking his head inside the building. "Could you come here for a sec? Applejack just arrived!"

"Hey, don't ignore me!" Applejack said.

"I'm listening to you," Bubble Berry said. "You were saying I'm a liar who's trying to trick you. That's pretty harsh smack, Jack."

"Aw, Ah didn't mean it like that!" Applejack said. "Ah'm just saying, there's no such thing as another universe."

"Yes there is!" Bubble Berry said. "Just wait and see."

It wasn't too much longer before Bubble's proof came. "Applejack's here?" Pinkie Pie said, jumping out the front door. "Oh, he is! Hi, Applejack! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

Pinkie had a huge grin on her face. Next to her, Bubble Berry had an equal-sized grin on his face. The overwhelming pink enthusiasm caused Applejack to take several steps back, as he looked at the two near-identical ponies.

"Okay, y'all do look like twins!" Applejack said.

"That's because we're the same pony!" Pinkie Pie and Bubble Berry said, at the exact same time.

"I'm from the much nicer Mare Universe!" Pinkie Pie said, striking a cool pose.

"And I'm from the much manlier Stallion Universe!" Bubble Berry said, striking a pose of his own.

"And we're the best party throwers in the known multiverse!" Pinkie and Bubble said, at the same time, striking a series of symmetrical poses.

A bead of sweat appeared on Applejack's forehead. "Please don't talk at the same time anymore," he said.

"Darling, don't forget me!" Rarity said, pushing her way out the front door. "I want to meet Applejack, too! He's our only friend we haven't met!"

Applejack's jaw dropped when he saw the white unicorn. "E-Elusive?" he asked.

"Well, no," Rarity said. "I'm his female counterpart."

"And this is a counterPARTY!" Pinkie said.

Rarity posed, showing off her fabulous mane. "My name is Rarity," she said. "Owner of the Carousel Boutique."

The farmer pony's brain tried to process this information, as he looked at the two mares. "Then, they are—uh..." Applejack's eyes rolled up into his head, and he collapsed on the ground.

"He fainted," Bubble Berry noted.

"My beauty sometimes has that effect on ponies," Rarity said, simply.

"Mine too!" Pinkie Pie said. "Well, maybe it's not my beauty, but I've made at least three ponies drop into a dead faint before!"

"Me, too!" Bubble Berry said. "How weird!"

---

Mare Universe

Spines and Spike were at one of the small tables, looking at the most powerful weapons in all of Equestria.

"So these are the Elements of Harmony, huh?" Spike said. "Which one is which?"

"I don't know," Spines said. "In my universe, they're not necklaces."

"Hmmm..." Spike said. "Well, I know there's an Element of Kindness, and...uh...I don't remember the others."

"Dusk Shine has one, so maybe there's an Element of Book Reading?" Spines suggested.

"Hey, maybe!" Spike said. "And Pinkie must have the Element of Saying Random Things!"

"So if you're really kind, read books, and say random things, you can use three of the elements?" Spines asked.

"Yeah!" Spike said. "So we just need to find some ponies who are like our friends, and we can save Equestria!"

"Who?" Spines asked. "I don't know anypony here in your world."

"Hmmm..." Spines said, thinking.

---

Fifteen Minutes Later...

Inside Sugarcube Corner, Ditzy Doo was in the process of devouring her bag of muffins, when two familiar faces walked inside.

"Hi, Lyra! Hello, Dr. Hooves!" Ditzy said, waving her hoof at them.

The stallion sighed. "I told you a hundred times, my name is Time Turner," he said.

"No, it's not!" Ditzy said. "You're really a British Time Lord! Your cutie mark proves it!"

"I have an hourglass for a cutie mark, because I watch a lot of Days of Our Lives!" Time Turner snapped. "It has nothing to do with time travel!"

Lyra put her hoof on Time Turner's shoulder. "Don't bother arguing," she said. "Ditzy can't even keep her own name straight, half the time."

"I'm not Ditzy! My name is Derpy! Derpy Hooves, because I'm married to Dr. Hooves!" Ditzy said proudly. "He used to be a human, and now he's a pony!"

"I wish I never told her about humans..." Lyra muttered.

Suddenly, the door to Sugarcube Corners burst open, as Bon Bon ran inside at full speed.

"Lyra! Everypony!" Bon Bon said, gasping with exhaustion. "I'm glad I found you! There's an emergency!"

"An emergency?" Lyra asked. "What is it?"

"There's no time to explain!" Bon Bon said. "Cover your ears, now!"

"Cover our—what do you—?"

A loud shout burst into the room, coming clear from the other side of town. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ELEMENTS OF HARMONY WIELDERS, YEAH!"

All the ponies who didn't cover their ears had to be rushed to the hospital with broken eardrums.

Comments

[TEK101]

Cutie Mark Crusaders are awesome! I guess Applejack will finally believe Rainbow Dash. I can't wait to see what happens next.

[Shadowcatcher]

The Apple Family from the Stallion Universe definitely has problems. If I was Dashie, I'd be done with 'em.

[Rainbow87dash]

Applejack must feel like an ass f kicking Rainbow Dash in the face for no reason

[Shadowcatcher]

1953856 He should! I'm shocked grandpa didn't rake him over the coals for hitting a mare, period.

[Comet Burst]

Dat fourth wall... Y U NO RESPEKT IT?!

I don't think AJ told the whole story about Rainbow Dash to his family since Red Gala was shocked about the kissing part. Grandpa Smith may not know about him kicking her.

[Pirate Cadance]

i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/482/template.jpg

The worlds can't survive this...

[Golden Sax]

Spines grabbed Spike and gave him a manly dragon-hug. "I feel your pain, Spike," she said. "I feel your pain."

1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/tg/image/1336/51/1336519911819.jpg

[Shanenator]

OH MY GOODNESS THAT LAST LINE SO UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING!

Hilarious. Loved everything about this chapter, as usual. Great interactions between the characters. Spike/Spines, Pinkie/Berry, etc. Good stuff.

"Nope! Nope! Nope!"

This amused me quite a bit. RD's reaction:
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[ShadowLDrago]

Counterparty, *groans* what a horrid pun. I love it! This was hilarious!