The Rainbow Blitz Disaster

by arglefumph

Cutie Mark Crusaders Attack

Stallion Universe

Bubble Berry was waving a wet towel over Applejack's head when the farmer pony's eyes snapped open.

"Hey, you're awake!" Bubble said. "Cool!"

Applejack jumped to his hooves. "Where's Rainbow Dash?" he asked.

"Uh, maybe you should take it easy for a while..." Bubble Berry said. "You just fainted and—"

"Rainbow Dash! Ah need to talk to her!" Applejack said. He picked up his hat from the ground and put it on. "Where is she?"

"She's by the punch table," Bubble said. "Hey, speaking of which, Berry Punch brought some—"

Applejack didn't hear the rest of Bubble's sentence, as he immediately made a beeline for the punch table. He pushed his way through some dancing ponies to get there, and he didn't stop until he was right in front of Rainbow Dash.

"Rainbow!" Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash put her glass down on the table. "Oh...hey, AJ," she said cautiously. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Ah'm sorry," Applejack said.

"What?"

"Ah came here to apologize," Applejack said. "Ah just met Pinkie and Rarity and...you were telling the truth all along. Ah'm sorry fer not believing you about the other universe."

Rainbow felt like someone smacked her behind the ears. "So you're not mad at me anymore?" she asked.

"Eeeenope," Applejack said. "And Ah'm sorry fer calling you a liar, and kicking you in the face."

"Yeah, that kind of hurt," Rainbow Dash said, rubbing her eyes.

"And Ah'm sorry fer telling Dusk Shine that you're a cheap bimbo, and—"

"Okay, okay, I forgive you already!" Rainbow Dash said. "Sheesh! You don't have to tell me everything!"

Applejack looked down at the floor, slightly ashamed. "Ah'm just tryin' to be honest," he said.

"And I appreciate that," Rainbow Dash said. She held out her hoof. "Friends?"

"Friends," Applejack said, shaking Rainbow's hoof.

"Great, now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, let's party!" Rainbow Dash said. "You need to see my awesome dance moves!"

---

Mare Universe

Discord turned the royal throne room into his own personal theater. He threw some popcorn in his mouth, while watching the three screens onstage. Each screen showed a pair of his victims.

Dusk Shine and Twilight had started using lip reading and series of hoof motions, in order to communicate. In the other prison, Elusive and Applejack were glaring daggers at each other. In the final prison, Fluttershy was trying to hide in corner, as far away from Rainbow Blitz as possible.

"Enjoying the show?" Discord asked his fellow movie-goers, the Royal Sisters.

Princesses Celestia and Luna were currently trapped in stone. But since that would make torturing them boring, Discord had unfrozen their heads. Not their unicorn horns, of course—Discord wasn't stupid enough to do something like that—but their heads were normal.

"This is cruel!" Princess Luna said. "How dare you torture our friends?"

"When they turn you back to stone, I'll destroy your statue!" Celestia promised.

"Tut tut," Discord said. "I expected better behavior from somepony like you, Celly. Popcorn?"

Luna took a mouthful of popcorn, but she was in for a surprise when it turned out she couldn't swallow anything with a stone stomach. She ended up coughing and spitting out the food, while Discord laughed.

"How long this madness go on?" Celestia asked.

"As long as I want it to," Discord said. Sure, he had told the Elements of Harmony that their torture would only last for two days, but he lied. It would last until all of them were broken.

Speaking of which, Rainbow Blitz was making another attempt at kissing Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus screamed in horror.

"PLEASE! LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Fluttershy yelled. "I surrender! I'll do whatever you want! Just get me away from this monster!"

"And that is the sound of victory," Discord said. He snapped his fingers, and all six ponies fell off the screens and onstage. It was rather disorienting for them, to say the least.

"Game over!" Discord said. "Fluttershy surrendered!"

"What?" Twilight asked.

Crying her eyes out, Fluttershy ran to Twilight and hugged her. "He said horrible things to me!" the yellow mare sobbed. "Horrible, horrible things!"

"Hey, she came on to me!" Rainbow Blitz said.

Elusive just shook his head and sighed. Dusk Shine muttered something about their friend being a sleazy mare-chaser.

"You didn't even last twelve hours!" Discord said. "I knew you were weaklings!"

"You cheated!" Twilight said. "You changed what we were saying to each other, so nopony heard the right things!"

"Maaaaybe," Discord said. "Either way, I win, you lose. And you know what that means!"

Discord pulled out a top hat and a cane. Fancy music started to play as he danced.

You won't get the Elements of Harmony!
Eternal chaos will rule the land!
Nopony can—

There was a loud thud, as the main doors to the Royal Hall burst open. "Stop right there, Discord!" a voice shouted.

"Yes, please!" Luna said.

"Huh?" Discord asked. Everypony (except the stuck-in-stone) princesses turned to see an unlikely group of heroes running down the aisle of the theater. It was Spike, Spines, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and Big Macintosh. Big Macintosh was there, because he was the one who paid for the train tickets to Canterlot, and because he wanted to make sure his sister and his friends would be safe.

[Note to Young Readers: Always have proper adult supervision when doing dangerous things like fighting the Lord of Chaos.]

"Leave our friends alone!" Spines said.

Discord sighed. "You know, I'm sort of busy right now," he said. "Would it bother you terribly to come back later? Say...the 12th of Never?"

"This can't wait!" Spike said. "We have come to defeat you!"

"YOU?" Discord asked. He broke into giggles. "You're just a bunch of fillies!"

"Hey!" Sweetie Belle said. "Just 'cause we're small, it doesn't mean we can't stop you!"

"Oh, this should be good," Discord said. He clapped his hands, and everypony switched locations. Now Twilight Sparkle, her friends, and the princesses were sitting in the audience. They were literally stuck to their seats, watching Discord onstage with the small children.

"Change of plans, everypony!" Discord said. "I'm going to kill your family members in front of you now! Won't that be fun?"

"Nnnnope!" Big Macintosh said.

"There's no way you can win!" Spike said, pulling out a special suitcase and opening it. "Because we have the Elements of Harmony!"

"Yes, yes, those are very convincing replicas," Discord said dismissively. "Did you make them in Arts and Crafts during school?"

"No!" Spike said hotly. "We got the Elements and split up according to who's who. I'm Twilight Sparkle!"

"Twilight Sparkle?" Discord asked, delighted. He pulled out a magnifying glass and looked at Spike through it. "Hmmm...I recognize your purple coat, but you don't seem to be a unicorn."

"I'm serious!" Spike said. "Twilight's my best friend, so I get to replace her!"

"Spike!" Twilight called from the audience. "Only a unicorn can be the Element of Magic!"

Spike paled. "Twilight's element is magic?" he asked. "I thought it was...uh, never mind."

Discord chuckled again. As far as he was concerned, this failed attempt to stop him had become quite amusing. "Oh, no, please, go on," Discord said. "I want to hear everypony's Elements!"

"Yeah!" Scootaloo said. She jumped up and took one of the Elements of Harmony from the suitcase. Putting it on, she proudly said, "I'm representing Rainbow Dash and the Element of Awesomeness!"

"Right on," Rainbow Blitz cheered.

"And Ah get to be mah big sister!" Applebloom said, taking an element for herself. "So that makes me...the Element Of Being an Apple Farmer Who Talks With An Accent!"

Applejack groaned. "That is not mah main character trait!" she said.

"And mah brother here represents Fluttershy's Element of Not Talking Very Much!" Applebloom said.

"Eeeyup!" Big Macintosh said, putting on the tiara for the Element of Magic (because the necklaces would clash horrible with his yoke).

"And I'm Rarity!" Sweetie Belle said. "I'm the Element of—"

"Hey!" Spines said. "That's not how we decided to split things up! I'm Rarity!"

"But I want to help my sister!" Sweetie Belle said.

"We all agreed that you're Pinkie Pie!" Spines said.

"Fine..." Sweetie Belle said, slumping back on her hind legs.

"I'm Rarity, and I'm the Element of Beauty," Spines said, putting on a necklace.

Sweetie Belle muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Discord asked.

"Everypony says I'm Pinkie Pie, because I have a high-pitched voice," Sweetie Belle said. She grabbed a necklace and put it on. "So I'm the Element of High-Pitching!"

"Remind me to have you join our company's baseball team," Discord said. "Well, I must say, I'm absolutely terrified of the new Elements of Harmony, but you seem to be missing a dragon."

"Uh, I'm not that important!" Spike protested.

"But you're the leader of our group," Scootaloo said.

"FINE!" Spike said. He grabbed a necklace and put it on. "I represent Twilight Sparkle, as the Element of Writing Long Lists."

In the audience, Twilight had the urge to smash her head against a wall repeatedly.

Discord clapped his hands in delight and said, "Okay, Elements of Harmony! Fire when ready!"

The six ponies struck a pose, then froze in place for a few seconds.

"Uh...how do we use them?" Spike asked.

"I don't know!" Spines said. "I thought you just said who's what, and they come to life or something!"

"You know, I hate to admit it, but I think you are...out of your elements!" Discord said. "Literally!"

"What do we do?" Applebloom asked. "They aren't working!"

Princess Celestia spoke up. "Forget about the Elements of Harmony, my little ponies," she said. "Focus on the bonds of friendship you share! Let the order of love be the weapon against chaos!"

"Oh, jeez," Discord said. "Celly, have you been reading romance novels again? That is the biggest load of—huh?"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders (and friends) took Celestia's advice. They all closed their eyes and focused on the things they loved, and their desire to protect each other. The Elements of Harmony started to glow slightly.

"No, that's impossible!" Discord said.

Everypony in the room soon became blinded, as a rainbow appeared from out of nowhere and filled up the entire area. Discord howled in pain, as his body slowly turned to stone.

"Nooo!" Discord yelled. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Eventually, the rainbow light disappeared, and all of Discord's magic along with it. The throne room was turned back to normal, the princesses were freed, and the mirror to the Stallion Universe was repaired. The only indication that anything had happened was a statue of Discord, lying on the ground.

"Ha! Take that!" Scootaloo boasted.

"WE DID IT!" Spike cried.

"YEAH!" the Cutie Mark Crusaders shouted.

Twilight and the others ran up to Equestria's newest heroes. Applejack congratulated Applebloom on a job well done, while Dusk Shine and Twilight both hugged their dragon assistants. Elusive somewhat awkwardly introduced himself to Sweetie Belle, and Rainbow Blitz tried to apologize to Fluttershy.

"Discord has been stopped, before he managed to leave this castle," Princess Celestia said. "This is a good thing, indeed."

"I could have stopped Discord myself, if he hadn't snuck up on me," Luna commented.

"Suuure," Celestia said. "Didn't he defeat you in under a minute?"

"I was distracted!" Luna said. "I was getting the Elements to safety, you know!"

"And you did well, sister," Princess Celestia said. "Just not as well as this group of fillies."

"Hmmmph," Luna said.

Princess Celestia stepped towards the group of chattering ponies. "Excuse me, everypony," she said. "I would like to extend my thanks to all of you. You have made Equestria a safer place."

"You hear that?" Applebloom whispered to her friends. "The princess likes us! Wait 'til Diamond Tiara hears about this!"

"I would like to add my congratulations," a deep voice said. "For young ones, you did quite well."

Everypony turned to see two royal stallions, standing on the far side of the room. The ponies from the stallion universe instantly recognized them.

"Prince Solaris!" Dusk Shine said. "Prince Artemis! You're here!"

"Our counterparts..." Luna said to herself.

Applejack scratched her head. "Dang if this night just keeps getting' weirder and weirder," she said. "Who're these fellas?"

"They're the Princes from the Stallion World, of course," Elusive told her.

Fluttershy blushed, as she noticed how buff the stallion version of Luna was. For a pony, Artemis was pretty ripped.

Princess Celestia and Prince Solaris stood face to face, and at the same time, they did a royal salute. "Welcome to my kingdom," Celestia said. "It is good to see you and your brother again."

"My apologies," Solaris said. "We wanted to come here the instant we saw that Discord was on the loose. Unfortunately, for some reason, the mirror didn't start working until five minutes ago."

"I believe that's because Discord broke our version of the mirror," Celestia said.

Solaris nodded. "That would explain it," he said. "Fortunately, it seems that you didn't need our help after all."

Prince Artemis and Princess Luna were having a conversation of their own, about the different constellations in their worlds. Most ponies would have found their conversation boring, but the two of them were fascinated by it.

The other ponies, led by Dusk Shine, approached the Royal Princes. "Prince Solaris, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you," Dusk said.

"Not half as glad as I am," Rainbow Blitz said. "This past week has been one disaster after another."

"I am glad to see you, too, my little ponies," Prince Solaris said. "I trust you enjoyed your time here in the Mare Universe?"

"It was...interesting," Rainbow Blitz said, causing Celestia and Solaris to chuckle.

"Now that you're here, does this mean it's time for everypony to go back home where they belong?" Elusive asked.

"What? No, of course not!" Prince Solaris said. "You just defeated Discord! It's time for a celebration!"

"Huh?" almost everypony asked.

Prince Artemis stroked his beard. "As I understand it, Bubble Berry and Pinkie Pie are having a large interdimensional party, right about now. We merely came here to give you your invitations."

"A Pinkie Pie party? In the colt world?" Applebloom asked excitedly. "Can we go, sis? Can we? Can we?"

"Ah dunno..." Applejack said. She looked at her brother (who was still wearing the Element of Magic tiara for some inexplicable reason).

"Eeeyup!" Big Macintosh said.

"Yay!" all the Cutie Mark Crusaders cheered.

"Excellent!" Solaris said. "No time to waste, then! The party has already started!"

The large, happy group went from the throne room to the room with the mirror to the Stallion Universe. Everypony went through the mirror, one by one. The last three ponies to go through were Princess Celestia, Prince Solaris and Twilight Sparkle. Twilight hesitated before going through.

"Is there a problem, Twilight?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Yes," Twilight said. "I don't understand what happened here tonight. I've studied the Elements of Harmony, and they shouldn't have stopped Discord."

"Ah," Princess Celestia said. "I think Solaris would be able to answer your question."

Solaris blushed slightly. "Okay, you caught me," he said. He walked over to part of the wall and tapped his horn against it, causing a suitcase to come into view. He opened it, to reveal several golden collars and a crown.

"These are our Elements of Harmony," Prince Solaris said. "Artemis and I used them to defeat Discord."

"So the fillies didn't stop Discord?" Twilight asked. "But...why would you make it seem like they did?"

"It will make them happy to believe they are heroes," Solaris said. "And standing up to Discord certainly makes them brave enough to be considered heroes. What harm could it do?"

"If Discord escapes again, he's going to be mad that a bunch of fillies defeated him," Twilight said.

"Hopefully, he'll be so embarrassed that he won't try to escape again," Celestia said. "I think this time, I'll try putting his statue inside a volcano."

"Good plan," Solaris said.

Comments

[Rainbow87dash]

"Everypony says I'm Pinkie Pie, because I have a high-pitched voice," Sweetie Belle said. She grabbed a necklace and put it on. "So I'm the Element of High-Pitching!"
"Remind me to have you join our company's baseball team," Discord said. "Well, I must say, I'm absolutely terrified of the new Elements of Harmony, but you seem to be missing a dragon."

this entire chapter made me laugh my arse off

[Comet Burst]

Oh my sweet Celestia/Solaris, that was AWESOME!

Twilight being the element of making long lists, I nearly fell over laughing. Definitely restoring my faith in being a brony, so I applaud you good sir.

[butterfield pancake]

Fluttershy's Element of Not Talking Very Much= LOLLLL

and Element Of Being an Apple Farmer Who Talks With An Accent!"= SUPER LOL!!!

[ManWithThePan]

Hahahahh!!! Me... I wouldn't be a harmony element... I'd probably be an element of Chaos. Wrath, to be exact :3

[Seether00]

Man, both ailcorn's be trolling all over the place.

[Jorlem]

So, if the mirror only started working once Discord was defeated, how did Solaris get through to use the Elements to defeat him? Also, is there a particular reason why Solaris retained his connection to his universe's Element's, when Celestia did not?

[PinkiePieCupCakeSlayer]

Me: OH GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Spike: We are heroes, so now you have to bow down to us.
Me: I'll get on that Element Of Making Long Lists.

[Shanenator]

Oh goodness your Elements of Harmony...I almost died. This chapter was ridiculously funny. They totally have the Elements nailed down pat! Also, you write Discord very well. I think he's been hilarious. Still want to know how he got out, though.

Oh, but I'm glad you didn't have a bunch of random characters fire the Elements of Harmony, that would kinda tick me off. But the Princes? You're good.

[ShadowLDrago]

1959425

Same here, I'd probably be either the Element of Facepalms or of Bad Puns.