Mother of Invention

by zaponator

Awoken

Applejack slowly regained consciousness to find herself laying flat on her belly with a dull ache permeating her head. The farmpony groaned as she rubbed at her temples, noting with great relief that her hat was still safely located in its rightful position atop her mane. As she massaged the pain to a more manageable level, she began to take stock of her surroundings. She was laying in something coarse and fine—sand, from what she could tell—and she could hear the sound of waves nearby. She was obviously on a beach then, but the waves sounded off somehow. Applejack visited the Ponyville lake weekly with her good friend Rainbow Dash, but it had never sounded like so... much, before.

Deciding that her head was feeling good enough to get up, Applejack groggily stood, tentatively inching her eyes open as she did. The bright sun nearly blinded her at first, but eventually she was able to get a squinting view of her location. The scene she was presented with jolted her awake instantly. Her posture went rigid, and her eyes snapped open as wide as they could.

It was an ocean. Applejack had never seen an ocean in person before, but she couldn't think of any other way to describe what she saw before her. Crystal blue water extended all the way to the horizon, the late-morning sun played across the waves nearer to the shore, creating fanciful designs of light on the sandy floor beneath the waves. Looking out even further, the water seemed to continue without end. It transitioned to a darker blue further from shore, and eventually went so far out that Applejack was able to see the curvature of the planet. She reeled, struck with a wave of dizziness by the scale of it all. Eventually she forced herself to turn away from the awe-inspiring sight. Upon turning around, she was finally able to take note of her immediate location.

She was standing on a long beach of immaculate white sand. Whatever else existed in this place was hidden behind a thick, foreboding treeline. Trees that Applejack had only ever heard of stretched in both directions until disappearing with the bend of the coast. She recognized the distinctive palm trees, and their well-known fruits, but most of the other flora was a mystery to her. Everything was undoubtedly tropical though, and this was by far the most troublesome thing Applejack had seen since waking up.

"Where in the hay am I?" She was startled by the mangled sound of her own voice. It was rough, gravelly, and far quieter than she had expected. At that very moment, Applejack realized that she was incredibly thirsty. Her throat felt completely dry, and her lips were cracked and parched. She decided that she needed to find water quickly. Besides the obvious need to drink, she desperately needed something to distract her mind from its ever increasing state of panic. As long as she was focused on getting water, any other troubling thoughts on her current predicament could be pushed deep into the recesses of her mind.

Now with a firm goal to work towards, she took one last look at the beautiful blue sea before turning to begin her quest into the jungle. She managed one step before stumbling forward and faceplanting into the sand. She was taken off guard by the sudden fall, resulting in a mouthful of sand and a marked increase in her headache. Shaking her head and spitting out sand, she made a quick check that her hat hadn't fallen off. Finding her trademark stetson still secure on her head, she pushed herself shakily back up to her hooves.

Armed with the awareness of the difficulties walking seemed to present to her at the moment, Applejack took a careful step towards the line of plant life that designated the way inland. Her legs wobbled slightly but she remained standing. She took another step, almost stumbling again. It was the strangest thing, all four of her legs felt like they were asleep. The feeling was akin to her body simply not obeying the orders of her brain, or at least doing so in an incredibly slow manner. The sensation of pins and needles running all over her legs certainly didn't help things either.

After she had taken about a dozen steps, blood flow started to return to her extremities. She trotted the last several feet to the treeline at a quicker pace, finally without the fear of falling over. Once she reached the solid wall of plant life, she paused to consider what she was doing.

Maybe entering the strange dark jungle wasn’t the best idea. She could always follow the beach, but there was no guarantee that it would lead to anything other than more of the sand and trees she saw here, which would essentially equal zero progress. At least in the jungle she would surely find something. Whether that something was good or bad was up in the air at this point. First and foremost she needed water, and she knew enough never to drink from the ocean. That left her with one option.

She steeled her nerves, deciding to act quickly before the panic she had buried managed to claw its way back into the front of her mind. Stepping carefully, and keeping an eye out for any dangers, Applejack penetrated the thick foliage. She was forced to push undergrowth aside as she made her way deeper inland. As the trees and plants closed behind her, they created a wall of impenetrable green. In a matter of moments, the pristine beach and the beautiful ocean were left completely out of sight.

Author's Note:

Edited by Pilate, because he's awesome and stuff.

Comments

[Pilate]

I really like where this is going. Nobody ever does these kinds of things with Applejack. A shame since she's a great character known for her strength and resilience, but equally known for her strong familial and friendly bonds.

[Corporal Lyra]

ya know the mother of invetion is the freelancers spaceship in RVB right?

[Psyco Josho]

So it begins...

[Steel Wing]

I see... potential! Will read, so have a fave.

[Jake The Army Guy]

Why am I just now reading this?

[DarkPinkie]

Premice seems good, writing quite good, plot... ???

Too early to judge, I read on.

[yozhel]

this came to my mind...

[paintom_phan]

1868399 The original phrase was "Necessity is the mother of invention."

[FloydienSlip]

I decided to try to read this. It seemed too good to be true. A story with 127 likes and 0 dislikes?

I like this. A lot. Have your 2^7 like, you've earned it.

[food food food]

Applejack is certainly the most likely of the Mane 6 to survive in this type of situation.

If you were trapped on a desert island with only one pony, who would it be?

[Dick McKickEm]

2124474 That question might as well be 'Who is best pony?'

I pick Luna.

[Jack Fennec]

Well my interest is piqued.

[Khym Chanur]

Since any stream or river in the jungle would eventually have to empty into the ocean, it seems to me it would be safer to walk along the beach until a stream/river was found than to push into the jungle.

[CubicGaming]

So everything that she's had and everything she's known have been thrown away (I'm surprised no one seems to have made that connection yet)?

2112038
Yes! I'm not the only one (A.K.A. I might have an obsession with memorizing certain numbers )!

Also, here's the song for those that still can't make the connection (for example if they've never heard it):
[youtube=ytKvgLuy7ng]
I really hope that isn't a different song that happens to have the same name.

[Smoker]

Many years ago, Applejack was a silly pony, knocking down walls and bumping into fences. Now she is stranded on a desert island and needs to do anything to survive.

Times they are a changin.

[Princess Cadence]

I'm pretty darn late, but I'm going to throw my two cents in. Applejack, why didn't you just get a coconut and drink milk/water from one of those?

[Wrangle Wolfe]

4744843 Exactly what I was thinking...

[VinylScratches]

I thing I'm going to like this story because I can't even begin to guess whats going to happen throughout it.
The mystery makes it compelling

[Kitcat36]

4744843
I'm glad I'm not the only person thinking that!!

[AppleSmack]

derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/12/1/486563__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_meme_animated_princess+twilight_image+macro_book_caption_reading.gif

[EverfreeSparkle]

2124474 Obviously Twilight.

[BronyDad]

I absolutely love your scene building. I can actually see the beach in my head! Well done! And then there's this:

the late-morning sun played across the waves nearer to the shore, creating fanciful designs of light on the sandy floor beneath the waves.

There aren't too many writers who would think to describe the sand beneath the waves. This additional detail makes the scene feel that much more real.

Now for the nitpicks...because I can never read a story and just keep my mouth shut.

Applejack slowly regained consciousness to find herself laying flat on her belly with a dull ache permeating her head.

This is the very first thing I noticed, which is bad because it is in your opening hook. "Applejack slowly regained consciousness to find herself *lying* on her belly." If you were describing her hat laying on the ground, you'd use laying, but if it's a person (pony) you use lying. This confuses a lot of people, and gave me a hard time at first as well. Oh, and a few sentences later, you make the same mistake again.

Also, you have some really long paragraphs. Look at your first paragraph; it is six sentences long. The average paragraph should have about 3 to 4 sentences, any more than that and you probably have a subject change, which constitutes a new paragraph. Again, look at your first paragraph, this sentence:

She was laying in something coarse and fine—sand, from what she could tell—and she could hear the sound of waves nearby.

is a subject change. Before this sentence, you are describing her headache, but here you switch to what she feels and hears around her. This sentence needs to start a new paragraph. Then there's this:

Looking out even further, the water seemed to continue without end.

This is a bit more tricky because the whole paragraph is describing the ocean, but before this sentence, you are describing the water near the shore, and after this, you are describing the ocean further out and even the horizon. To make it easier to understand, just remember that whenever you add an action during a description (in this case it's "looking out even further") then it's time to start a new paragraph. Then when you describe A.J.'s reaction to this vast ocean, that should be a separate paragraph again. There are other instances like this, but I'll leave it to you to read through the paragraphs and spot the subject changes.

Okay, now for my biggest complaint about this scene; the lack of any kind of thought process from Applejack. I mean, she's like: "Oh, I'm on a beach. Fancy that. Wow, I'm thirsty, I guess I'll head into these here trees." That's it. Despite the amazing scene building, the only reason I'm invested in this story is because I love Applejack (and that's not really the story's doing). If this were the opening of a story with an OC, then I would have moved on. And this is because you gave me absolutely nothing to relate to.

Now how could you fix this? Simple. As Pilate states:

A shame since she's a great character known for her strength and resilience, but equally known for her strong familial and friendly bonds.

Now I don't know if you have Applejack think of her family in the next chapter or not, but it's irrelevant. She needs to be thinking of them now, before she makes the decision to head toward the tree line. Applejack is a very family oriented pony, and if the episode Somepony to Watch Over Me is anything to go off of, she worries a lot about them. She seems to believe that it is her responsibility to keep both the farm and the family running smoothly. So, it is completely inconceivable for me to believe that she would wake up on this beach and not think of them as soon as she realizes how far away from home she is. It could be a simple paragraph, maybe about four sentences long, and you would fix this. It's really all you need to make her relatable here. I mean, everyone has someone that they care for, and can imagine themselves stranded on a deserted island far away from them. This makes the reader connect with your character on an emotional level, and hooks them.

Now don't go believing that I think this story is bad. I know I just threw a lot of stuff at you, but in the end, I do love Applejack and want to see how she is going to cope with this situation. Also, you really sold me on the scene building, and I'm looking forward to getting further into this story. I know you said that you were still learning when you wrote the beginning portions, so I'll try to tone this stuff down as I go. I'll get to the next chapter as soon as I can. Until then, happy reading/writing!

[AppleTank]

And here we go, with what I believe to be the last of the Noble Jury authors I've yet to read. Onwards and Applewards.

[RD-loves-RA]

6598259
Who are the rest. Two read throughs of east horse later and I just learned about Just Essay and Appledashery.

[StubobNumbers]

I'm finally getting around to starting this story, and I'm excited to read it.