Dan's Comments
Cultural Artifacts - Dusk in the Sunlight of Shadows
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Day 37
Celly woke on the floor, she looked around the master bedroom and thought how empty it seemed. Only Woona was there with her. Sveti was with Mystery. Derpy was bunked out with Dinky in their old house. Lyra and Bonbon were the same.
I hate how empty this feels, she thought quietly, But since he isn't here, there's no reason for all of them to be here. Funny. All of us are supposed to have harmony and friendship, yet without a 'bloodthirsty alien' we don't stay together.
Woona suddenly stood up, then vanished. Celly caught a glimpse of Woona reappearing in the kitchen. Her little sister busied herself among the cabinets and with the refrigerator. Then, she vanished again.
When she reappeared, she started more familiar motions of getting breakfast started.
Celly trotted out of the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. Woona was humming a happy tune as she made oatmeal, and carefully added a bit of cheese.
"What was all that?" Celly asked as the Apples roused themselves out of the living room.
"I had to make Dinky's lunch," Woona said, "He always made it, and since he can't right now, somepony had to make it the way he did."
Celly wasn't sure why she found herself crying at that.
"Well, at least he got a medal out of that," Discord said as he dropped on the green grass that had moments ago held hundreds of soldiers. "What were those idiots thinking?"
"Were those idiots thinking?" Tom replied. "I believe I've discovered why he's so expert at 'kicking ass', the Germans were very good teachers."
"I don't think I want to see the next segment of this dream," Discord said, "There's nothing fun about watching thousands get slaughtered because their commanders were stupid. Turned into dogs, having their hair change color every time they sneeze, spontaneously bursting into harmless flame, yes, all funny. Stepping on mines, getting hit with shrapnel and machinegun fire isn't amusing."
"Hopefully the next sections aren't so bad," Tom said, "As I remember it, the next invasion isn't for almost two years. All training and paperwork until then."
Discord looked at Tom. "I think I'll go back to stepping on landmines, if it's all the same to you."
"Doctor?" Nurse Snowheart entered the counseling clinic in the hospital. The doctor had left last night, gotten a shower and some sleep. Now he was back.
"Yes nurse." He gestured at the notes. "A whole slew of possible solutions. Except none of them can be accomplished. Like telling the ponies of the classical era, 'Yes, the Elements of Harmony can take care of that.' They wouldn't have any idea what you were talking about. The drugs and therapies aren't discussed in enough detail to replicate. Although it is good that the advice we've given his caregivers is supported by the notes in the books."
"At least that's something. So even magic can't solve this? Amazing," she said, and they shared a chuckle about most ponies' faith in magic. "We do it the old-fashioned way. We'll have to call the mini-Diarchs and the Apples in and give them some training. Counseling doesn't work if the counselor and counseled can't communicate."
"I'll see to it. He hasn't woken up. Could there be a catatonic phase?" Snowheart asked.
"I didn't find one in the notes, and I asked Princess 'Woona' to check for other reference works. Considering she didn't immediately return, I'm guessing that the link is tenuous. Or it could be shock to the nervous system of having, having nearly ripped loose, then losing wings that did it."
"What about delving into his dreams?" Snowheart asked.
"Went very badly the last few times it happened," the doctor said. "I never thought I'd hear Princess Luna frightened of something, but that did it. Evidently Discord showed her something that utterly terrified her. Something the Big Guy either did or encountered. So dream alteration is out of the picture. But it would certainly make things easier."
Snowheart nodded.
Twilight quietly sipped her tea and watched Sveti practicing an almost dance-like martial art on a high balcony of the library. The movements are soothing, she thought, But sped up, it could be devastating. I think the idea to teach the Big Guy the art is a good one. Of course that assumes that he doesn't keep clinging to the assumption that if he raises a hand against a pony, that Celestia and/or Luna will fry him alive. As long as he believes that, he'll be helpless.
She sighed in frustration. The latest missive from her mentor wasn't helping.
'Dear Twilight,
The assumption that he lacks any right to defend himself if attacked by ponies needs to be dealt with. I trust you and your friends' judgements in this.
Princess Celestia.'
"Gee, thanks. I'm beginning to understand why 'Celestia the Solar Tyrant' myth still exists. What am I supposed to do to tell an alien that? 'I know all three Princesses messed with your mind, but you really can hit ponies, if you really, really need to.' Even if I could make myself understood. He'd pat me on the head and not believe one word of it.
'Dear Miss Sparkle,
I know you believe Celestia, I know Celestia believes it herself, but how stupid do you think I am for me to believe it?
Respectfully, The Big Guy.'"
Twilight frowned at that, then spotted Fluttershy going into Rarity's boutique with Lyra and Bonbon.
Are they herding her in there? Twilight wondered.
"I'm going out," she told Sveti, before she headed down stairs. She galloped most of the way to Rarity's, then slowed to a walk as she approached. Although the door said they were closed, she heard voices within.
"I'm not," Bonbon said from inside.
"It will be perfect," Rarity said, then concentrated and pulled Twilight into the boutique, closing and locking the door behind her.
"Oh, hi Rarity, Fluttershy. I was just curious," Twilight said as she hung suspended in Rarity's magic, "Uh, can you put me down?"
"Hmm," Rarity seemed to consider. "No, she doesn't fit."
Twilight frowned at that.
"Fit what?" Twilight asked, and looked at Fluttershy showing Lyra and Bonbon some drawings.
"The template, dear," Rarity said, "It's not often that fashion can have a medically beneficial component. But the doctors agree, my little project will be quite beneficial."
"I'm not doing it," Bonbon said, "No offense Rarity, but high fashion doesn't really mesh with stains, and mixing machines."
"My dear, I am not suggesting a change in lifestyle, just a touchstone," Rarity said.
"Will somepony tell me what's going on?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, we will need Sveti, so maybe Twilight can help," Fluttershy suggested.
"Help with what?" Twilight asked peevishly.
"This!" Rarity showed Twilight the drawing and the work in progress.
As soon as the connections were made, darkness ensued.
"I rather liked the idea," Fluttershy said and nosed the unconscious Twilight as she sprawled on Rarity's fainting couch.
"True genius is never appreciated," Rarity said and lifted Twilight and the couch and put them aside.
"This isn't genius," Bonbon said of the drawing, "This is insanity. This is madness."
"This," Rarity said to Bonbon, "Is. Friendship."
Bonbon scrambled back to put Lyra between herself and Rarity.
"You wanted to help, this will help. The only handle to the problem is reinforcing his feeling of safety. This will do it. As I understand it, he's willing to help you two get what you've always wanted. Is this really so terrible an imposition?"
"It's nuts," Bonbon replied, and looked to Fluttershy for support.
"Well, Discord really seems to like him," Fluttershy replied, "So maybe nuts is a good thing?" The pegasus grinned at Bonbon.
Bonbons' answer was a terrified rictus.
"She'll do it," Lyra assured them, and ignored Bonbon's horrified expression. "She just needs time to convince herself it's the right thing to do."
"I'll accept that," Rarity said, "But we should still do the fitting."
"And you were there, and you were there, and so were you," Twilight said as she awakened. She looked at the group, the drawings, the clothing they were fitting to Bonbon. She took several seconds to fit it all together. "Uh, I'll get Sveti, okay?" Twilight said in a disheveled tone. And she was gone. A moment later Twilight returned with a rather surprised griffon.
"Did she teleport?" Sveti asked.
"I don't think so," Fluttershy answered.
The griffon looked down the path of the departed Twilight. "There's something wrong with her," Sveti said.
"Since you're here, Fluttershy, be a dear and get her fitted while I work with Bonbon and Lyra," Rarity said.
"Oh, can you stand here, if it's not too much trouble," Fluttershy said.
"No trouble, what's going on?" Sveti said as she stepped onto a small stool.
"A way to help the Big Guy, in a way that bypasses the language barrier," Fluttershy said and began taking measurements.
Sveti grabbed one of the drawings. She stared at it for a few moments. "Mfrgrkkrge," she said quietly.
"Ah, hold still, please," Fluttershy said.
"Grztmerklffrtzeert," Sveti said as her entire body started to shake.
"Uh, I can't risk sticking you with a pin, so please," Fluttershy began. She gasped when the griffon collapsed. "Are you all right?"
"Wahahahahahah!" Sveti shouted as she pounded the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Oh, I'll let you finish, while I help Rarity," Fluttershy left the hysterical griffon to her laughter and gyrations.
"So cousing Gonk say 'I shoot a dragon in my pajamas'," Igor explained as Trixie's top 'half' lay inside the 'saw the mare in half' box, and the other half was almost clear out of the box, standing on Igor while she 'fixed' what he'd done. That Trixie was vastly more irritated that he'd broken the trick eliminated the horror that two halves of a mare were operating independently.
"What was a dragon doing in your pajama?" Trixie asked.
"The backstroke," Igor said.
The audience howled at that.
"Show's getting good, yes?" Igor said.
"Well that's to be expected when people hear about the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Fireworks flew from her hooves, but only the left side of them manifested. The Great and Powerful Trixie grimaced. "But how did you figure it out? All the applause?" Trixie asked.
"You getting heavier," Igor replied.
Trixie's rear half stomped on him. "Trixie is the same mare she's always been."
Igor looked at the separated pieces of the cabinet. "Even Igor not too shtupid to believe dat."
The audience roared at that. Then Trixie's rear half climbed into the cabinet. Igor closed it and set the pieces beside each other. Trixie's horn glowed and she leapt out of the cabinet safe and sound. Except for the zipper around her middle.
"Oops," Igor said, "Trick needs more vork." He stood behind the cabinets as he pulled them away.
"Oops! That's all you can say 'oops!'" Trixie shouted.
"I'm very sorry!" Igor shouted back while cowering behind the cabinet.
"Well, that's better," Trixie said.
The curtain came down to thunderous applause. Igor walked out with a series of thin poles on stands. He set a plate atop one pole and started spinning it, then set up another plate. Trixie rushed out with a horrified expression. Then she picked up the package and showed it to the audience. They were paper plates. He soon had fifteen spinning on the thin poles, an occasional touch of magic kept them spinning. The audience was 'ooh'ing and 'ah'ing, when Igor started staggering slightly. Several of the plates fluttered. Igor redoubled his concentration. The plates stabilized. Then burst into flame.
Igor ran all around the stage stomping on the burning plates, incidently setting his own hoofs on fire. Trixie calmly took off her hat, pulled a small fire extinguisher from it and dealt with the problems. Plates and hooves.
"Vhen you start carrying fire extinguisher ever where?" Igor asked.
"When you tried to make the Great and Powerful Trixie's morning tea," the Great and Powerful Trixie shouted.
"No von tolt me vater would burn!" he replied defensively.
Trixie stared at him open mouthed, then facehooved. The curtain came down to more applause.
"Great show!" the theater owner said as they walked into the wings. "And thanks for agreeing to do these matinees. Are you sure I can't get you to extend your stay?"
"I'm sorry," Trixie said, no longer the Great and Powerful Trixie, "But we have agreements with other theaters. We kept our promise to you, we must keep our promises to them."
The theater owner nodded. "Oh, someone came around the back way, pretty pushy and insistent." Leaning close as if to impart hidden wisdom, "And throwing money around." The owner nodded and winked. "She wanted a special consultation with you."
Trixie and Igor exchanged glances. "The Great and Powerful Trixie will see her," the Great and Powerful Trixie said, "Come Igor, our moment upon the stage is not yet done."
The pair trooped upstairs to the dressing room. A former broom closet, but theirs alone and quite roomy. Trixie nearly yelped as she saw the mare waiting for them, and the condition that she was in.
"You're the Great and Powerful Trixie?" Princess Buttercup asked. The once-fancy mare looked terrible.
Sleeplessness and a crying jag, Trixie thought as she mentally lit several candles.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie stands before you. My assistant, Igor. You wish something of Trixie? She does not generally grant private audiences."
"I can pay," Buttercup said desperately.
"Tell the Great and Powerful Trixie what it is you came here for," Trixie ordered.
"I've been poisoned," Buttercup said.
"There are some very good hospitals here," Igor said, "And the Baltimare alchemists are some of the best."
Buttercup stared at him.
"Don't be fooled by my partner's stage act. You have to be extremely clever to do magic that wrong, and not endanger anypony," Trixie said.
"I'm sorry, your act is very convincing," Buttercup managed.
"Thank you," Igor said and bowed.
"I've been to the local doctors. And I'm heading to Baltimare. But I'm frightened. I was told the poison comes in two, undetectable parts, but when combined, if it doesn't kill me, I'll wish I were dead."
Trixie and Igor gasped, then offered their sympathies.
"Two parts, those are pretty rare, ancient recipes," Igor said, "If you're worried about accidentally encountering something that will act as the second part, don't be. Those poisons are expensive and difficult to make. Maybe only a noble family could afford to have one brewed."
Buttercup blanched at that. "But, I can eat food, normal plants won't have the ingredients?" she asked timidly.
"Unless you eat a salad of the most exotic and toxic plants," Igor assured her and smiled, "You'd have no easy way to encounter any of these two part poisons, no I take that back. Are you planning on going any where near Ponyville?"
"I hadn't planned on it, why?" Buttercup asked.
"There was something I read," Igor said and seemed to search his memory.
"The Big Guy," Trixie provided, "The 'human' who landed in Ponyville and seems to be there or in Canterlot, thank goodness. Something about his skin or his sweat?"
"Something like that," Igor agreed, "Thanks, yes, they have realized he has some very different compounds in his skin and hair. You'd probably have to take a good-sized bite out of him, but the research is inconclusive."
Buttercup's eyes were as big as saucers. "They knew," she said quietly.
"Ma'am?" Igor asked.
"Thank you, so, as long as I stay away from the Ponyville Monster, I'm safe," Buttercup said.
"Perhaps you should go to the police," Igor suggested, "If someone poisoned you, they may try to blackmail you."
"It's already done," Buttercup said, "And it's politics, not robbery."
"That sounds like something out of the old Three Kingdoms period," Trixie said.
Buttercup nodded, and pulled a bank draft for a substantial number of bits. She hooved it over to Trixie. "The doctors didn't believe me. How did you know about it?"
"It's in one of Sophiclops' plays from that era, Equipus Rex," Igor said, "I did some research on it."
Buttercup shuddered. "I had to read that play in school, I forgot it was in there. I can't imagine actually living under those rulers."
"Hail Celestia we don't have to anymore," Trixie said happily, "You said you're going to Baltimare, there are bandits on that road. Are they the ones who poisoned you?"
Buttercup started to answer, then replied, "I didn't say that." She winked at Trixie. "Besides, I'm going there with an army. Ponies need that road open."
"Thank you, you're very brave," Trixie said, "Trixie has had to plow through that road and the 'tolls' of those brigands. Thank you so much."
"You're welcome." Buttercup stood and left.
Igor and Trixie stared at each other for a while, until they were sure no one was listening. Then burst out laughing.
Tom floated beside Discord. After all they'd seen during their search for some fragment of the Big Guy they could talk to, to determine his mental state, they were enjoying the boredom.
"That was, interesting," Tom said of the scene they'd just left. "I can safely say he is quite angry at those who attacked him."
"What was your first clue?" Discord asked and shuddered, "The regulator set at 10000 PSIG, or the flow meter set at 2.5 cc/sec?"
"The manifold system was a better clue, and who was plugged into it, and how. Makes the colic cure they gave Nightmare the other day positively sunshine and happiness by comparison. They only used warm coffee," Tom said.
"Thank you!" Discord shouted, to forestall more conversation.
"Warm coffee?" came a voice from knee height. The slate gray foal had white wings and a white horn. Her mane was several shades of azure and she had the biggest, greenest eyes.
"Are you the kwootest ting? Yes'em are," Discord said as his folded hands rested on his cheek.
The foal gave Tom a worried glance. If Tom could have rolled his eyes, he would have.
"Kwootest wittle Aicorn foal, es'em are, es'em are." Discord leaned down and scratched the foal's head.
"You're Discord, right?" she said.
"Oh, she knows me, isn't that adorable? Isn't that," Discord said, before a bolt from the foal's mouth burned everything above his waist to ash, except his hands which had been on his knees.
"He talks funny," the foal said, "I'm Selene. I decided if mom was going to mess around in dad's dreams, I should keep him occupied." She pointed at what was left of Discord. "But, mom might need your help, you're Tom, right."
Most of Discord fell away, like an overly long, cigarette ash.
"Yes. You do know how dangerous it is right now?" Tom asked.
The foal pointed at the six Königstigers approaching. "He has a problem with those doesn't he?"
"Three slaughtered his whole company. I think it's vengeance rather than anything else," Tom said. "Wait!" he shouted to the foal.
"It's a dream, not life, I can handle them!" she shouted as she charged them.
From the pile of ash, two eyes appeared. "I like her!"
"Easy opening tops!" the foal shouted, holding the turret she'd pulled off the tank in her forelegs. She grinned at the crew, who immediately decided to bail out.
Tom left Discord to reconstitute.
It's a dream, not life, Tom thought as he floated along, I guess it is. Selene will certainly be useful if Nightmare decides to become a problem. And if Discord steps too far out of line. She thinks the Big Guy is her father, and Luna her mother. Interesting.
The scream he heard from behind the door told him, Going through that will instantly earn the 'Grimdark' label, he thought as he loaded a HESH round in his internal 155, aimed at the lock, and gently pushed the unlocked door open. I'm going to have to remember how he thinks, Tom reminded himself as he floated inside.
The room he'd entered had the door free standing like a sculpture practically in the middle of it. Behind him he heard Discord shriek in terror.
"Hey Discord, they pile real good!" Selene shouted. Atop the hull of one Königstiger sat a stack of six turrets. "Charge!" the tank raced after the Draconequus with Selene sticking her head out of the driver's hatch.
Tom closed the door.
I may be wrong about the grimdark tag, he thought, then he spotted Luna, gasping as if the last of her blood would leak away in the next few moments from some horrible wound. But no wound was present, nor any blood. I think I may have to change my assessment, Tom thought as he scented the air, and enjoyed the smells of roses, jasmine and sandalwood carried on a warm, soft breeze. Above and around him, silk hangings diffused the light to eliminate any shadows.
He paused at the sight of the bed Luna was lying in. Maybe we will be earning the grimdark tag, he thought as he looked at the capacious construction. A massive, four-poster bed carved and painted to look like Celestia lying on her back, with her four legs in the air as the posts supporting the canopy. The sideboards were carved to look like her wings, her 'tail' was the covers tucked in at the foot of the bed, and her 'mane' was the mattress covers. The entire effect is quite clever and stylish even, Tom said, And very Freudian.
But the headboard, nice three-quarter profile, except the expression, Tom thought as he looked at it and shuddered, If I saw that smile in a dark alley, I'd run, 155mm gun not withstanding. Having it on a bed staring down at you. No, not staring, watching, encouraging, he realized, Which makes it worse.
"No, not the hooves, not the hooves again," Luna murmured, as she weakly rattled the chains on her forelegs, clearly not wounded to death, but either exhausted or contented. A padded cuff encircled each forehoof, and presumably her back hooves as well. Four lengths of chain, and an anchor ring for each around each of the 'Celestia leg' posts told the story clearly. As she was under the covers to her mid-barrel, it was impossible to tell if the manacles on her rear legs were loose or in place. Then she moved and all four chains moved with her. "Not the hooves, not the hooves!" she mumbled.
"Princess Luna?" he asked, and waited as she raised her head and tried to focus on him. "Am I rescuing you from durance vile, or interrupting your honeymoon?"
The world seemed to come into perfect focus for her, because she gave a yelp and wing-flipped the covers over her head.
Discord stood at the bottom of the long, narrow stairway that ran between the buildings for several blocks. "How do you like them apples?" he shouted up at the Panzer Mark 6 7/8th Selene was driving. A vehicle far too wide to fit between the buildings walling in the stairway and the guns couldn't depress enough to fire on him directly.
I never thought one of those could do a bootlegger turn, Discord thought, Where'd she learn to do a bootlegger turn?
"CHARGE!" Selene shouted, brandishing her cutlass, and the tank with the extra turrets stacked one atop the other, rotated and drove away.
"Nice kid, but she's up against the master," Discord said and examined his nails, blew on them and buffed them against his chest. He frowned for a moment, then shouted to her, "Full points for trying though."
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! The building opposite the entry of the staircase began to topple like a perfectly felled tree. Discord stared in wonder as the building came to rest on the two buildings of the 'gatehouse' to the stairway he was standing on.
"CHARGE!" was almost overwhelmed by the roar of the engine.
Discord, with an expression between admiration and amazement, then watched the tank race over the building and fly through the air. The turrets separated slightly from each other and the main body. The tank crashed down in the open area at the bottom of the stairway Discord still stood on. The turrets all retaking their places on the tank with a sound like a stack of metal slabs falling on each other.
"Yay string!" Selene yelled as the tank rotated, bringing the stacked turrets to bear.
I can count to six just fine, Discord realized and tried to dodge.
BOOM BOOM!
Discord twisted around the flight of the shells by a hare's breadth. Bunny-Fufu bopped him on the head and ran away. The rounds slammed into the fallen building and exploded within. "Ha!" Discord shouted, "Missed me by that much!"
Selene's smug expression and the horrible groan of the fallen building told Discord all he needed to know.
I must quit counting my chickens before I've created them, he thought as the disintegrating building buried him completely.
"You're it!" Selene shouted, then the familiar, "Charge!" The sound of the engine receded in the distance as Discord sat under all the rubble, and thought deeply.
"I don't care what I have to learn. I don't care about apologies or restitution needed. I'm marrying Celestia, that girl has to be my niece," he said quietly, "WHY WERE THERE NO PONIES LIKE HER A THOUSAND YEARS AGO?"
"Interesting that you were more interested in me leaving, than me freeing you," Tom commented as he undid the rear hoof cuffs. Soft leather and padded with lamb's wool.
These wouldn't bruise a human's skin, a very gentle thing to use on a pony, Tom thought.
"Shut up," Luna replied, although her blush couldn't be hidden.
"But you should take it as a good sign that he was content to just embarrass you, rather than what he was doing to the shades of those who attacked him," Tom said as he released the forehoof cuffs. Then noted the awkward way Luna rolled/slipped out of the bed.
Why not just throw off the covers and walk out? Tom asked rhetorically, knowing the reason, and the reason for Luna's happy expression with the change of subject.
"Oh?" Luna said a hair too eagerly.
"But let's talk about you," Tom replied and enjoyed Luna's crestfallen expression, "Boring stories about dreams, you probably hear about those all the time."
"Oh no, I am worried for him," Luna said.
"Funny, considering no one ever disabused him of the certainty he'd be flogged or worse for defending himself from your little ponies," Tom said in a flat tone.
Luna's ears folded back.
"I am curious, several of the ponies were injured, after they nearly ripped his wings off and tried to chain him down far more violently that you were," Tom said, "I'm just curious why you're wasting time on healing him. Does he have to be healthy enough to walk to his execution? Or is a trial in absentia something that would disturb too many of our neighbors?"
"There are no plans to punish him for his actions," Luna admitted.
"Oh, how wonderful. He won't be punished for defending himself. Just like the ponies who attacked him won't be punished for what they did," Tom said with faux humor, "How wonderfully equitable. So when the ponies escalate to murder, he can defend himself then? Or is it preventing miscegenation that gets him clemency?"
Luna faced off on Tom. "What do you want from us?"
"Some moral clarity, and some consistency," Tom replied in icy tones, "You have absolutely no idea what a powder keg you've been dealing with. Your sister plays with his life and safety. You play with his feelings. All three of you treat his sanity as if it were constant and assured. If you want to play the pony gods, then expect to be treated as such. There are more enemies out there, and more challenges than you know. Can you imagine if he should decide to seek defense again you and your sister, say in the farthest north? Sombra didn't go mad and amass his army to fight Equestria, not at first anyway. Or perhaps to the original pony homelands? With the Alicorn Amulet, he could raise the ancient tomes, clear the ice and find things the ponies foolish thought were safely buried, or have completely forgotten about. Even Discord never tried to plumb the depths of The Seekers."
"No!" Luna shouted in horror.
"Then you'll kill him?" Tom said as if the matter had no consequence, "That will be the simplest solution. After all, you have your foal. What further need do you have? A bed warmer? Those could be purchased among the most noble families of Canterlot. Take their voices and you would have no fear of their whispered poisons."
"Things aren't that simple, and you know it," Luna hissed.
"I know that as hosts, you've done a horrific job. I know that as rulers, you have ignored the fact that not having a policy, is a policy. And that as friends or lovers, you have done more injury to his mind and body than all his enemies combined," Tom retorted, "Which presents us with the current imbroglio. Everyone blithely assumes that he'll recover. That the fact his psyche finally shattered under the pressure it was under is overshadowed by the assumption that it will only require a hug and soft words by a princess and all will be fine. Such a lie is fine for public consumption, but if you, Celestia and Cadence believe it, you are fools of the first order."
Luna glared at him hatefully.
"This is not a pony," Tom said, "You've seen where Discord put Nightmare. There were worse. He learned of them after the war, saw a few of them after they'd been cleared of prisoners. But there are worse places than that. You, your sister and your wonderful ponies have driven someone who saw worse than where Nightmare now sits into a despair so deep nothing may drag him out of it. Think about that. What a wonderful accomplishment. No wonder the other nations are up in arms. Here's a chance to avoid chaos knows how many technological, social and politic missteps, by someone who's lived through them and studied them. And the great Celestia treats him as a possible threat to her precious ponies. Fine. Give him to the griffons, the horses of Saddle Arabia, send him to the Crystal Empire. You have the translation matrix. The books are all open to you. You hardly even need him anymore."
"It isn't that simple," Luna said and looked away.
"Of course it's that simple. Shit or get off the pot. It's a simple set of questions, one; alive or dead? Two; lover, friend or stranger? Three; equal rights and equal responsibilities, slave or dhimmi? Four; citizen of Equestria, citizen of the world, or prisoner? Five; are you and your sister so arrogantly blind that as you trip over each other to 'open the way for the other' that you've forgotten he may have a preference? Or are you both terrified that his preference might be both, or worse, neither?" Tom asked.
Luna studied her hooves intently, shifting slightly as if the thoughts unbalanced her as they raced around her mind.
Tom softened his tone. "Look, your Highness, 'I don't know' is a perfectly acceptable answer for some of those questions. The point is having an answer, even if that's just an admission of ignorance. But failing to make a decision, or appearing to have not decided opens up a huge area where you are going to leave the most aggressive actors the right to operate and the less aggressive will have to react. That's what just happened. If the ponies even suspected he could fight back with the savagery he showed against Nightmare, the plant monster and Nightmare's collection of idiots, do you think for even an instant they would have moved against him? No, because he was muzzled and they weren't, they were free to hurt him however they wanted. Your doing, your Highness."
Luna glared at him, but was looking too sick to really make it work.
"Stay on the bomb run, boys," the gray-scale human said, then turned to Discord and saluted, "I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips ever'body on Bear Creek!"
Discord returned the salute smartly and watched the human depart. A stirring rendition of 'When Johnny Comes Marching Home' played in the background.
Moments later, a huge marshmallow dropped out of the belly of the bomber. The strange human still astride it. "Yahoo! Yahoo! Yahoo!"
"This in no way implies affiliation with YahooTM, any of its services or its search engine. Ask.com is still the primary search engine of the author," a lawyer announced.
Discord tore the attorney limb from limb.
The huge marshmallow hit the unsuspecting tank perfectly, covering it with sticky residue. The engine roared as the tank tried to drive forward, then backward, both to no avail.
Selene popped the hatch of the topmost turret. "Ya big meanie!" she shouted and shook her forehoof at the circling plane, "Where's the Graham crackers and chocolate?" Her expression changed to horror. She slammed and dogged the hatch. The entire tank seemed to cringe as tons of chocolate bars and Graham crackers rained down and rattled off the armor.
"You're it!" Discord shouted as the plane flew away.
Tom watched the Pzkw Mark 6 7/8th race past, Selene with her head out of the driver's hatch shouting, "Charge."
In the direction from which the tank had 'charged', Discord stood in midair, shaking his hips and tail at the departing panzer. "Come back when you got something for me, kiddo!" Discord shouted.
Luna stared at the scene open-mouthed.
Tom decided to take a more direct hand. "While the 88mm L/71 was always a PaK, an antitank weapon, it was derived as a replacement to the 88mm L/56, a FLaK, which was originally designed for anti-aircraft use."
"So?" Discord asked.
Explosions began bursting all around Discord as the tank had pulled back so the elevation of the main guns could bring him into their cone of fire. The six turrets fired almost randomly, but no gun fired twice, they always alternated.
Discord was dodging frantically as the sky filled with bursts and shrapnel. "Help me!" Discord shouted at Tom.
"I am," Tom shouted back, and whispered to Luna, "I haven't told your daughter about autoloaders and VT fuses."
Luna giggled, then called, "Come on honey! We're going back!"
The tank ceased firing immediately. "Let me safe this thing," Selene called from the top hatch, "Be there in a moment." The long gun tubes began retracting into the turrets.
"That shouldn't work," Luna said, "Uh, quickly, that place you looked into?"
"Let's just say that it was an experiment to determine if ponies are flesh and blood, or some infinitely elastic cartoon material," Tom said.
"Using high pressure gas," Luna said, she saw Selene racing towards them, "That's all."
"Agreed," Tom said as Selene leapt up to hug her mother.
"Bye Discord, I had fun," Selene called as she waved. Both she and Luna faded from sight.
Tom noted Discord had been shyly waving back.
"Ah, well, yes," Discord said.
"You appear to have something in your eye. A side effect of the gun smoke no doubt," Tom said as he drifted along.
"No doubt," Discord said as he fell in behind.
"Why are we here?" Bonbon asked. She could barely hide her irritation at being dragged away from an evening alone with Lyra, for an evening at a dubious restaurant with a pack of others.
"We were invited," Derpy said as she arrived with Dinky and the two mini-Diarchs.
"So were we," Pinky said as she and Rarity entered, followed by the entire Apple family.
"Thank you all for coming. Depending on how quickly the Big Guy recovers, we might have to be doing the cooking for him," Glory said, "We figured we'd try out some of our recipes on people who have eaten with him several times."
"I think you'll have a hard time with that," Spike said as he arrived with Twilight and the griffons. "Ponies' sense of taste is a lot weaker than a dragon's, and I think his sense of taste is even stronger than mine."
"Yeah!" Dinky insisted, "His lunches are the best!" Then she turned. "Sorry momma."
"I prefer his cooking too," Derpy told her foal and nuzzled her. Dinky giggled at that.
"Well," Glory said nervously, "Let's get everyone seated. We'll be serving lots of small portions, so don't worry about getting fed."
"Now Rainbow, slow down to actually taste the food," Rarity said, "It isn't an eating contest."
"I've got as good manners as anypony," Rainbow replied.
"Provided anypony is a bear," Applejack said.
"No, Reginald has better manners," Fluttershy said, then giggled.
"We'll start with an amuse of lightly spiced cider. While we wait for everyone to be seated," Glory said and Forget-Me-Nots walked among them with a tray. Cider in clear mugs was given to Applebloom, Woona, Sweetie Belle, Spike and Dinky. Everyone else got opaque mugs.
The various groups found their seats at the long table, sipping the cider as they moved among each other and got situated. At each place was a second amuse, a carbonated ginger beer. Followed by a small dish dried oats and pine nuts.
"I don't think he'd eat that," Dinky whispered to Derpy. The pegasus nodded.
The next dish was a mixture of flower petals.
"Uh," Rarity began, "I don't know how to put this delicately, but this is very, ah, pony-centric food. While my Opal dines on the finest pet cuisine, she's not above taking a mouse or a bird on her own."
"Reginald wouldn't mind most of this," Fluttershy added, "But Reginald and the Big Guy also eat meat." Fluttershy looked around nervously. "And I'd rather not."
"Well, the later courses have some meat dishes for our griffon friends, and Spike, but the initial courses don't."
"Uhm," Applebloom said and glanced around, "They don't taste like the Big Guy's cooking."
"When'd you taste his stuff?" Applejack asked.
"We sometimes share lunches," Sweetie Belle said, "And while I like this. It doesn't taste good like his does."
"Yeah," Applebloom piped up, "There's less seasoning, but the ingredients taste better." Then she heard Big Mac clear his throat. "Not that there's anything wrong with this."
Glory smirked at that. Holly Hock was quietly taking notes.
"Well, maybe the soups will be better," Forget-Me-Nots said as she put a cup of thick chowder in front of each of them.
"I'm stuffed," Twilight said as she took only the smallest bite of the peanut brittle. She glanced at Rainbow still struggling with her small metal can. Same as every other individual serving of peanut brittle had come in, but no one else had encountered any trouble getting theirs open.. The pegasus had the lid in her teeth and the rest of the can between her hooves.
"Rainbow, I'm certain the rest of us can spare you a bit," Mystery said.
"Grr, shnfr," Rainbow replied as she struggled.
"SQUEEK!"
"Gah!" Rainbow shouted as the figure of Discord exploded out of the can. She landed on her back and tried to back up with her legs in the air and only her tail to propel her.
The puppet from the can lay still and silent, a quiet mockery as everyone at the table tried to hide their laughter. Some much less successfully than others.
"Oh dear," Holly Hock said, "I must have used one of the cans from the cold box by mistake. You have my sincerest apologies."
Rainbow gasped for breath as the rest of the table erupted in laughter. She practically crawled over to the can, and looked at it closely, then facehooved. "Aww, that's not fair, using my own trick against me," Rainbow complained.
"Some would say it is the height of fairness, and the acme of skill," Rarity said, "Giving you fair warning before the pay off."
"Pay back," Holly Hock said, "Like the Nightmare Moon wall hanging. Very lifelike."
"Considering it nearly scared the life out of you," Glory said, "That's fair."
Rainbow stood up and looked at the Discord puppet. "Heh, okay you got me."
"You know she'll gitch back," BigMac said.
"Oh, she'll try," Holly Hock said, "I'm counting on it." The chef grinned at the pegasus. Rainbow grinned right back.
Few noticed the gleam in Celly's eye as she sipped her coffee.
"Well, I'm going to waddle back to the library," Twilight said, "I hope our feedback was useful. I think the food was all excellent." Affirming noises and nods came from all the groups. "But I think our experts still say it doesn't match what he does. So it may be an uphill battle."
"I was wondering why he didn't come here more often, all of you seem to like it. Maybe Spike's right, maybe his taste buds are different," Holly Hock said.
The ponies said their good-byes and headed back to their homes. Lyra and Bonbon to their house. Derpy and Dinky to theirs. Only the Apples and Mini-Diarchs headed back to the Big Guy's home.
Darkness, quiet, smells of disinfectant, cotton sheets, segmented bed, all came to his senses. One arm bound, feels like IVs in it, sensation became thought as consciousness slowly coalesced out of the dreams and nightmares. The Big Guy opened his eyes. Illuminated by the moonlight was a blur of azure and cornflower, and a hat. It resolved itself as it came closer, and the star-spangled wizard's hat was set aside so he could see her face. Trixie nuzzled him gently, as if afraid of his fragility.
He reached out to her, as quickly as unused muscles and his lingering disorientation allowed. She pulled herself up on the bed so her head rested on his chest. He pulled her close with one arm, resting his face in her mane.
Softly he began to cry into her mane as Trixie nuzzled his chest and spoke softly, reassuringly to him. She stroked his hair with her hoof and continued crooning to him, a soft song like a lullaby.
She stayed with him until he fell into a mercifully dreamless sleep.
Discord watched the familiar figure, now with a crown surrounded by a wreath as his rank insignia shake himself and look around. When he focused on Discord, his expression changed.
"Okay, this is a dream," he said and signaled Discord and Tom to follow him. The scene was a parade ground full of senior NCOs. Including two from a previous scene. The scene moved around them and the specters went through their paces as the memory unfolded. "Must be '43, after I washed out of the commando training."
"You washed out?" Discord said, "I thought you were the toughest of the tough, bravest of the brave."
"Underhanded and sneaky to the nth degree," Tom added, his approval clear in his tone.
The dreamshades from the past went through the motions, as if he had been reviewing them properly. Words were exchanged, faint facial tics as the past revealed something that drew his attention.
"Over 60-percent of the people who entered that training washed out," the Big Guy said, "The official reason was that my French, although fluent, had enough Québécois elements that it would mark me as non-Continental to any skilled listeners. And the people I'd be going up against were very skilled listeners. I suspect that it was also I was still suffering from the battle fatigue from Dieppe, and I wouldn't be properly treated for that until Korea. Still, I got my warrant out of it, and a transfer to the 3d Division, which was forming up."
The shade reached out a leg and tapped 'Moustache's' feet into a correct position.
"Oh, that's a serious insult," he explained, "That I found something, didn't call him out on it, and fixed it myself because I didn't trust him to. Especially in this formation of the other ranks who are going to be a training cadre. It's saying he's a complete screw up who has connections to protect him."
"Not nice," Tom agreed.
"If it were completely untrue, he would have put himself on report for the lapse, or done something to indicate he acknowledged the failure or told me 'as you were, sir, to tell me I'd made a mistake, instead he just fumed. Which is the point. You don't do what I just did."
The rest of the inspection went on. The other training instructor from earlier raised an eyebrow as the Big Guy inspected him.
"Now this guy was just plain scary. Soft-spoken, lead from the front, could tear you to pieces just by looking at you a particular way," the Big Guy said.
"The Stare," Discord commented as he made a scary face out of his own. He put his face back when neither Tom nor the Big Guy reacted to it.
"Anyway, I tried to model my methods after his, not sergeant blimp back there. I think I did a decent job," he said.
The scene faded and they walked along the obstacle course and other training grounds. Soldiers climbing, exercising, listening to open air lectures on enemy weapons and tactics. Men preparing for war.
Discord watched the trained eye, catching things the Big Guy had missed as a more callow youth. Discord could also tell from the faint changes of expression which of the many would not be making it back. He glanced back to Tom, and considered the precarious position his counterpart rested in.
So this is what worries and regret are like? Discord thought, I don't like them. Not one bit.
He followed and watched as the Big Guy continued his walk through the annals of his own history.
We'll get there, eventually, he thought but kept quiet, watching these troops and how their seeming devotion to order could produce such bizarre and vibrant chaos.
Day 38
Rarity looked over her work, and sighed with satisfaction. "Now all we need to do is hear he's woken up, and we'll be ready." She smiled at how frazzled she felt after all the work she'd put in. "Maybe I should send a letter to Princes Luna and ask her to provide the last touches." Rarity giggled at that, then sobered up. "Time to face the new day."
She wrapped up her project and made notes of to whom each would be delivered. Then she returned to the odd gems that had been delivered while she was out. Starlit Circlet had found a gem cutter willing to do the unusual work. The en cabochon cut of the stones was unusual, but it had brought out the quality of the star beautifully.
Rarity smiled and headed toward the suit Starlit Circlet had ordered. "I need to keep these to a numerical minimum, but have maximum impact." She pulled out the drawing she'd made of the incredible stallion the Big Guy had become. "And I think I know where they need to go. Perfect," she said and gave a grin a Timberwolf would have envied.
Celestia was laughing so hard the guards were wondering if she'd survive. Armor had to wave them back, despite the convulsions their ruler was going through.
"It wasn't that hard, I just looped some string through some fittings inside the tank and tied them up real good," Selene explained from her place at the breakfast table.
Celestia laughed and pounded a hoof on the table. Luna was trying to remain austere, but her proud smile kept slipping through. Cadence managed a few ladylike squawks, hidden behind a napkin, but it was clear that she too would soon be reacting as Celestia was.
Selene looked at Celestia for a moment. Celestia waved a hoof for her to continue. "Well, that cheater ran down a long set of steps between some buildings. He knew my poor tank couldn't follow. So I knocked a building down and jumped the tank clear over those steps." She paused as Celestia's laughter reached a new crescendo. "Since he was above me, I elevated the guns and aimed for the building. I knew it couldn't dodge. I can't imagine how he dodges bullets like that."
"Wouldn't extra turrets collapse the springs?" Armor asked.
"Yeah, that's why I had to get rid of all the machineguns and their ammo, to lighten the load."
"Wahahahahahah!" Celestia interrupted, pounding the breakfast table with both hooves.
"So I drove off, and got a good place to hide. I reloaded all the guns and pointed them in different directions, so he couldn't sneak up on me. So the big cheater got a high-level bomber and dropped a giant marshmallow on me. It took forever to get the wheels cleared. But I got him back. He thought standing in midair would protect him. But my tank could deal with that too."
Celestia was just managing snorts that shook her entire frame. Philomena was hanging upside down from her perch, wings extended as if stunned.
Selene looked around. "Mommy, are you sure you want more foals? I didn't think Auntie Celestia could survive any more."
"She could have one herself," Luna suggested.
Celestia instantly sobered and stared at her. "With him?" she asked aghast.
"Why not?" Luna said, "It seems he's becoming more acceptable." She munched some of her oatmeal while Celestia stared at her.
"But, his herd, they'd see me as an interloper," Celestia said.
"I meant Tom," Luna said, and glanced at Celestia's place and saw only her legs sticking straight up and twitching slightly. "Yes, that bed was creepy. Daughter, a barrage is good, but always keep one heavy punch back for the knock out."
"Okay mom," Selene said and started in on her own oatmeal.
Twilight had gone through the letter that the Big Guy had sent from Nightmare's realm to Celestia. She changed the strange monster characters to their Equestrian equivalents, and the resultant message was strikingly similar to the written Equestrian one of the original document, and just as insulting.
"You're going to break your teeth," Spike said as he entered, "If you keep doing that."
Twilight forced herself to relax. "I can't believe he had the gall to say those things to the Princess."
"Part of it was a diversion," Spike reminded her, "He had to get Nightmare's confidence, so he could sic Discord on them."
"It's just so insulting, and so untrue," Twilight said.
Spike kept silent.
The pounding on the door interrupted anything Twilight planned to reply. The utterly distraught, lime-green pegasus dashed in and then closed the door behind her. "Twilight you have to help me!"
"Rainbow Dash?" Spike and Twilight said of the almost monochrome creature. Only her eyes and teeth were any break in the sameness of her coloration. Even her saddlebags were green.
"Yeah, I woke up this morning, and I was fine. But there was this button and it said 'Don't Touch,', but since it was on my door, I figured what harm could it do, so I touched it and," Rainbow gasped for a breath before continuing, "It changed me into this! It won't wash off!"
Rainbow reached into her pack.
"NO!" Spike shouted and grabbed the device out of Rainbow's pack and ran for the downstairs lab with it. He returned, without it, a few moments later. "What were you thinking?" he demanded.
Spike and Rainbow looked at Twilight.
"Oh, yeah right, sorry," Rainbow apologized.
Twilight glared at both of them. "I wouldn't have pushed the button."
Spike stared at her with hooded eyes.
Twilight harumphed and walked over to Rainbow. "I have some stronger cleaners than you have at your house."
"I certainly do," Spike muttered, Rainbow's housekeeping was well known to the dragon.
"We should have that off in a jiffy," Twilight said. Outside, the clock tower rang.
Spike and Twilight gasped as Rainbow changed color with each stroke of the clock, settling on a bright pink even Sweetie Belle would have decried as 'too girly'.
"Oh man!" Rainbow said as she looked herself over, "This is worse!"
'Oh my!' Celly 'wrote' over her head as she entered, and looked over Rainbow Dash. 'And you changed color at the stroke of the hour?' she added in glowing script over her head.
Rainbow nodded.
Celly sat down and thought.
"Do you know what this is?" Twilight asked, then facehooved and created the same glowing letters for the mini-Diarch to read.
'The famous warlord Bucephalas, of the preclassical period, who briefly united all three tribes under his banner, was famed for his stunning campaigns and the precision rather than the force his armies used,' Celly explained in glowing script, then she chuckled, 'He told me when we met about his dreams of another world where he and his bipedal partner, Alexander, conquered a huge empire in that other world. So the delusions about, let's call them humans, go back well before Lyra and her obsession.'
"That's an element of the pony psyche I'd never considered before," Twilight said, then wrote in the air. "Why have I never heard this before?"
'I met Bucephalas, I didn't think to keep independent records, as his scribe was taking down everything,' Celly wrote, then she looked wistful, 'OH, I was a much younger, and more passionate mare in those days.' She stared at Twilight. 'Since that was going to be your next question.'
Twilight hunched her shoulders and blushed.
'Well, I discovered his human had alchemists who invented a chemical which on cotton, or ironically horse hair, would change color at precise intervals,' Celly explained in script, 'Bucephalas used that on young colts and fillies who were too young for battle, but would stay with the generals to allow coordination.'
"Cutie Mark Crusaders, living watches, hooray," Twilight whispered. "So literally, green means go," Twilight said and repeated in glowing script.
Celly nodded. 'Exactly, I do wish I had known of his passing. If I had been there, I might have taken his empire and forestalled the terrible problems of the classical era. Passionate, and a bit foolish,' Celly admitted in script, 'The good news is for Rainbow Dash, the chemical wears off after a few hours.'
"Wow! That's great your, I mean Cele, I mean, uh," Dash said then looked at Twilight, "What am I supposed to call her?"
Twilight facehooved. "How about 'Celly'," Twilight said and crafted, 'Rainbow says thank you, Celly'.
The mini-Diarch nodded.
"Ah, whatever happened with that other empire?" Rainbow asked, then shook her head, "Spike can you hand me some paper?"
"Right here," Spike handed over a scroll and pencil.
"Thanks," Rainbow said and wrote, 'What happened to the other Empire?'
'It probably collapsed too,' Celly admitted in writing, 'And all the secrets were probably lost, as was the chemical that Bucephalas used.'
"Yeah, without a scrap of cotton-soaked chemical and without watches, they probably couldn't keep winning battles based on timing," Rainbow said and wrote the same.
'It did evidently inspire a form of music, I read about it in the Big Guy's music collection. It's not my taste but it does immortalize them,' Celly wrote.
"Music? From military clock keepers?" Twilight asked, and wrote.
'Yes, lots of humans danced to Alexander's Rag Time Band,' Celly replied.
After a few moments, Spike waved a paw in front of Rainbow's face, then Twilight's. "You're a bad mare," he told Celly, who grinned.
Applejack wasn't expecting to see Twilight helping with the harvest. Let alone a lime-green Twilight bucking trees with her head. "Sugarcube, it doesn't work that way," she offered, only an apple or two fell from the tree with any strike.
Twilight stopped and meandered away from the tree. Her bleary expression showed the effect of the 'applebucking'. "But I want it to hurt," she admitted, "Then I don't think about it." She wandered erratically back to the tree, reared back, and missed the tree completely.
"Sugarcube, it can't be that bad," Applejack told Twilight as she clambered to her feet.
"It's not easy, being green," Pinkie sang as she pronked past, a bright, lime-green Pinkie Pie.
Twilight giggled like a madmare from the cinema, then took another swing and miss at the tree.
"I wonder if cousin Braeburn needs a hand for a few weeks," Applejack said quietly.
"Okay, it is that bad, but beating your head against a tree isn't going to help," Applejack said to Twilight.
"Are you sure?" Twilight asked in a weird singsong.
"Yes, Sugarcube," Applejack said quietly, "It's better to face these things without the massive headache you're gonna be getting."
"But I want it to hurt," Twilight giggled.
"Come on, Sugarcube," Applejack said and led Twilight away, "I think you need to talk with somepony about this."
Twilight giggled happily as she zigzagged beside Applejack.
The farmpony led Twilight back to Rarity's place, hoping the designer could help her talk sense to the researcher. Twilight's continuing giggles did nothing to bolster Applejack's confidence.
If this was a cinema, Applejack thought, I'd be walking into a trap. But Discord hasn't escaped, so what's to worry?
"Twilight, we'll talk to Rarity, I'm sure that will help," Applejack said.
Twilight's answering laugh set off the hackles on Applejack. She stared at the grinning unicorn for a few moments, before heading towards Rarity's door. "Okay, Twilight, it'll all be better in a moment."
Applejack looked at the scene in Rarity's and blinked. Woona, Celly, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Lyra, Fluttershy, Jonathan, Johnny, Bonbon, Derpy, and Dinky all stared back at here. The details of Rarity's 'project' now perfectly clear.
Applejack closed the door and looked back at the wild-eyed unicorn. "Okay, you were right, I was wrong, I'll let you go back to the farm, and uhm, let you count the apples on the trees."
Twilight grinned happily as Applejack led her back towards the farm.
I'm gonna crawl into the root cellar, and lock it from the inside, Applejack thought, And wait until tomorrow shows up.
It was the same dream. The quiet darkness, the smells of disinfectant, the feel of cotton sheets on a segmented bed. He could hear the quiet conversations of the nurses in the distance.
They're normally silent later, so it's earlier than the last time, the Big Guy thought.
One more similarity, the blur of azure and cornflower, and a hat.
Trixie stood up on her hind legs to get close so she could nuzzle him gently, and let him pull her close with one arm, resting his face in her mane. He breathed in her scent and listened as she spoke softly, reassuringly to him. She stroked his hair with her hoof and continued crooning to him, a soft song like a lullaby.
He held her as long as consciousness remained, then he slipped off into a dreamless sleep. He vaguely remembered the gentle kiss before she left.
"You are awful!" Woona accused Celly as they enjoyed a dinner alone. The Apples had stayed behind trying to pry Applejack out of the root cellar. Rarity's group had gone out to dinner together to discuss putting Rarity's plan into action.
"Rainbow was implying she was the prank master of Ponyville," Celly said, her expression one of offended innocence, "I had to do something."
"And you wonder why Discord fell in love with this world's Celestia. At least he isn't the maniac we had to deal with."
"This world's Discord at least has a sense of humor," Celly admitted, "As long as you weren't the victim, his exploits are kind of funny."
"Did you ever wash that green off of Twilight?" Woona asked.
"Of course," Celly said and giggled, "I knew she couldn't resist pressing that button. I just figured it would take a few days to prey on her mind."
Woona shook her head at her sister's schadenfreude. "Of course, they still don't know it's you," Woona pointed out.
"That's the advantage. Since I didn't do anything to the restaurant, that'll be who they'll suspect," Celly said, "That's strategy."
Woona nodded.
"Well, I'm going to bed," Celly said, "Can you close down everything?"
"Sure," Woona called as Celly put her dishes in the washing machine.
Woona waited. Ten, nine, eight, she thought as she got out of her chair and prepared to run, Seven, six, five, four, three, two.
"Augh!" Celly screamed from the bathroom.
Woona raced to her sister's side. "Celly!"
The stunned Alicorn was staring into the toilet full of blue 'water', Celly was panting as she stared at it. Woona looked at it.
"Celly, Celly, it's okay. It's probably just food dye or some kind of indicator. That Rainbow Dash is very clever, or maybe it was Pinkie Pie," Woona said, soothing her sister. "You aren't bleeding into your kidneys."
Woona stroked Celly's side with her wing. "It's all right, it's all right," she said as Celly's breathing came back from her frantic panting.
Celly finally took a deep breath. "Thank you." Her expression became determined. "Rainbow Dash."
"It could be Pinkie Pie too, I think she's a bit more sophisticated," Woona said, "They aren't the easy marks you thought they'd be, were they?"
Celly grimaced and washed her hooves before heading to the bedroom. Woona walked back to the dinner table to clear the dishes.
Woona finished her glass of milk, then put it in beside Celly's in the washing machine. "And I have poisoned your drink," Woona said quietly and grinned.
That was fast.
Edit: Oh jeez I just glanced up and saw that last line, which I had somehow missed. +10, sir.
That joke was even worse than the old Two Eskimos and a Kayak routine
MAGNIFICENT! Prank War to the max!
Meanwhile, the Big Guy (hopefully) continues a gradual recovery, Woona and Celly find their places in this new not-quite-the-same Equestria, and Luna faces some questions about herself, her sister, and her ponies that she rather wouldn't.
Woona is the root of all evil ....i love this
You spoil us with these fast updates.
"I don't care what I have to learn. I don't care about apologies or restitution needed. I'm marrying Celestia, that girl has to be my niece," he said quietly, "WHY WERE THERE NO PONIES LIKE HER A THOUSAND YEARS AGO?"
That line right there had me laughing so hard my sides hurt.
A style issue - some of the accented characters aren't coming through in the fic. I don't know if that's because of browser settings, character sets or what. Does anyone else have problems with that? For example, the Big Guy is trying to talk about his Canadian French accent, and the word comes out "Qu,b,cois". That's Q-u-comma-b-comma-c-o-i-s.
That happening to anyone else?
3315396 I went back and hard-coded the Ascii in, I was using ANSI. It seems to have fixed it.
3314602 3314776 3314798 Of course, right after calling out Celly on the 'let's you and him fight.' These people were rulers not just based on firepower.
3314999 Glad you enjoyed it.
The French seems fixed. The German accented characters don't seem to like Fimfic, or they don't like your word processor. I use JARTE to write with, and it happens to me on-again/off-again.
Such a violent foal. Well to be expected with her origins.
getting better all the time
3315396
S'happening here, too, and I don't normally have problems with accented letters.
Fun chapter. I find that some parts of the story concerning the Big Guy are over my head, but that could just be a lack of military knowledge on my part.
Oatmeal with cheese?! Wow, that ought to be thick. Also, why haven't I thought to try that? I made oatmeal with hot coffee once, and then mixed peanut butter into it after all. Have you ever added orange marmalade to your oatmeal, it's pretty good.
Of course that assumes that he doesn't keep clinging to the assumption that if he raises a hand against a pony, that Celestia and/or Luna will fry him alive.
"Since you're here, Fluttershy, be a dear and get her fitted, while I work with Bonbon and Lyra," Rarity said.
Still, I got my warrant out of it, and a transfer to the 3rd Division, which was forming up.
Awesome. I like Selene already.
... I'm not supposed to know what the hell was going on at Rarity's place, right?
Hey Celestia, what do you think will happen when he sees the ponies that assaulted him walking around unpunished?
He will assume, that you have decided, that anypony can do whatever they want to him and there will be no consequences.
Is Celestia so shitty at diplomacy because of the whole Nightmare stuff discussed in the last chapter.
Or does she not understand that the other nations don't love but fear her because she holds the threat of dropping the sun on there cities if they get out of line.
And what the fuck was up with that letter.
"He's afraid that I'll kill him. Can't imagine why. Fix it for me Twilight."
Great chapter, as always and a fast update, too. This continues guessing from all the reactions as to what Rarity made is driving me mad. I very much enjoyed what an active role Selene is already taking. She sure is growing up fast and shaping up to be a most interesting character.
Was this just spur of the moment or has she been taking lessons from the Imperial Guard? It sure sounds like she has taken their ideas on tank design to heart.
What? Did Rainbow Dash play a prank on them in some earlier chapter that I can't recall or what is this about?
The tank names are still not showing up correctly. I tested the HTML code for ö but it didn't work either. Maybe copy it straight from a symbol table?
And some typos that I spotted along the way.
Last but not least the plural of those tanks has no 's' at the end. It's the same as the singular form.
Oh and before I forget it I saw these while skimming over the previous chapter in addition to the ones already pointed out in the comments.
Keep up the good work. I'm still enjoying this to no end.
3317503
She didn't know about how the other races saw alicorns back when she started her first diplomatic missions. She does now and the other races haven't forgotten about it either. It's a stain on their history that will never go away even if Celestia tries hard to not recall it.
3258961 Fixed, damn grelnims.
3294048 completed <- completely, Wainbro Crash (foreshadowing )
met <- meant, no just an author and proofreader who were thinking too much about vacation.
here <- her (could have been him also)
Zee Joke didn't work, I should quit wondering about it, or wonder more.
likes <- like, healthy <- health.
Ales, ah hem, the Spartans were wine drinkers, wine snobs even who would never touch beer, that's why they were fighting the meads. The rest of you can look it up when you get home.
Fences: the cows act like Earth cows, so fences are their back scratchers. A 1/2 - 3/4-ton beast rubbing up against a fence will eventually break it.
3295440 No, she's still blaming everything on him. Fixed.
3295687 She <- He, makes <- make, to <- the
3304498 Fixed the than <- that In this case the one writing the letter is the chief of the Equestria bureaucracy, and does not have secure communications like Twilight to Celestia have through Spike. So he isn't going to make definitive statements that will cause an uproar.
If he is suggesting that one 'is called for' it indicates weakness in the Equestrian government, if he suggests 'is or may be coming' that tips Equestria's hand in negotiations. If he says 'is being forced on us', it also gives information that shouldn't get out.
His niece is smart, she can work it out. What he's saying, it's a heads up that there may be a policy change, but who is driving it is left completely open. Yes, bureaucrats often talk that way, plausible deniability.
The real clue is the next paragraph: moving him to a more secure location. Glory and Sir Eagle know he has two door that leads to Canterlot, one to the Princesses personal quarters, the other is the color-change one that at the Canterlot side is probably under watch (and the Big Guy installed a camera to watch that hallway). There is a team investigating Nistag's lab. The implication of these two statements is that the people pushing for the change in superintendence haven't the faintest idea what they are talking about. Neither the other nations, nor the Canterlot nobility. Which also means they aren't reading or receiving Sveti and Mystery's reports. Another thing Eagle doesn't want to put down on paper, so they don't correct the error.
3316966 Got the idea from the old Thieves World series. Normally I get my cooking tips from Spenser: For Hire books. Fixed Against and With. The 3d for 3rd is archaic but correct.
3318175 Typos fixed.
3315947 Foals just want to have fun. It's like the best video game you can imagine. You get to use all the cheat codes and fire real ammunition.
3316571 Thanks, I think that multiple line divider is more help than I'd considered.
3317467 It should be absolutely obvious what Rarity is doing. She's 404 Error. Rather clever I think.
3317503
She had Twilight give them a stern lecture. Can you imagine having to sit through a lecture that Celestia told her 'must be complete'? At hour 4, you'd be stabbing your eardrums with a sharpened pencil. Problem is, they didn't take it to heart at first. Bonbon fixed that.
She's had a thousand years to convince them that she'd never do that, and they believed her after a few years. Appearing and personally slaughtering everyone in their capital city is what they were and still are afraid of. The other races have also specifically and intentionally done little to overcome the ponies' xenophobia. Because if the ponies don't want to meet them, they have no worries about ponies being in their territories. 'So, you want to be a tourist in pony territories. I'm sorry, your asshole quotient is too low, we can't authorize your visa.' 'Ah, my wife is expecting twins, what if we let them have tantrums everywhere?' 'Excellent, bring them back when they're ready and we can review their case. If they are particularly obnoxious, we might even comp your entire vacation.'
'Thank you!'
More like Dear Twilight, Every time I try to do something nice, it turns into a flaming excrement sandwich. The worst you and your friends have suffered is almost being made a pinata, and scary movies. Handle this current problem for me. At least he won't fry and eat you like that dragon nearly did. Celestia
3318175 Mad you say? Payoff next chapter. Imagine what the Big Guy's reaction is going to be. Selene's tank was spur of the moment, but she had to toss out the machineguns to lighten the load. I prefer the Ogre Designs to the Warhammer designs:
warehouse23.com/img/extra/SJG10-0107-4.jpg
Rainbow Dash's prank: Chapter 7, day 19.
Fixed the typos. The King Tigers is correct, they're only singular and plural in German.
The diplomatic efforts have basically stalemated. The other races know the ponies nearly genocided the entire planet, and stirred up Nightmare and Discord.
I mean in canon, Celestia was doing negotiations with the Saddle Arabians a thousand years after her ascension to the throne and her long-time protege knew as little about them as she apparently did, that implies that the return of Luna sans Nightmare Moon has allowed Celestia to begin diplomatic overtures with a cleaner slate.
This is a test of the emergency character-mangling system. This is only a test.
é … ü … ß
This has been a test of the emergency character-mangling system. If this had been a real message, it would’ve been more interesting.
You know what?
I can't do it anymore.
I like this story a lot, but it's so damn confusing.
There is little point in reading a story you don't understand.
From here on I shall cease reading, you may keep the thumbs up but the favorite will have to come with me.
Please note that I am not dissatisfied with your work, it is merely that my own understanding of it is as limited as the time I set aside for fun.
3323954 It's your leisure time. You are free to do as you like. I write what I like to read, intricate stories with lots of complex characters doing things that are necessary for their personal development/achieve their personal goals, but may only be tangential to the overarching plot of the story. (You can guess I loved PotC 3). I also like to read stories that are clever puzzles.
This is one reason I quit watching TV by and large, I could figure out the whole plot in five minutes. I don't want to write a story like that. It's also the reason I like NASCAR, if you really like driver 27, you can ignore the rest of the field and root for them moving up to 15th place from 16th. Many of the characters will have their own moments, triumphs and tragedies that don't affect others or even the story as a whole, but are important to them.
You might like Out of Place much better, it has fewer thought still complex characters, and a simpler, single-objective storyline. It's also complete, so you can jump to the end and see what happens his plan works, Discord is defeated, although he is mortally wounded bringing the plan off.
3319887
re: the “superintendence” sentence—perhaps an ellipsis (…) was called for?
What ever happened to Sapphire Trinket?
3338320 A) Who?
B) The Seekers ate her
C) the Stallion Inquisition got her
D) Trixie fit a lot of magic cabinets in that little wagon of hers didn't she?
I keep expecting Sunset Shimmer to show up in some capacity.
3360786 If I give a trollish response, it's because you're asking for a spoiler.
barely a month old and she's talking? come on, dude.
Remo Williams? The executioner?
Maxwell Smart.
what great references.
4483434 not even close to a monthe.
One week top.
6275601 I get the feeling time is passing faster then it is portrayed. When Celly reveals that everypony wants his "Delicous Sausage" he mentions several summers having passed. Or summer nights, could be wrong.
Pinkie.
Sweet Zombie Jesus look at all them comments. Songs for this chapter in the beginning For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica. The ending song No More Tears by Ozzy Osbourne.
Maybe I missed something. What's the deal with the big guys age? If he's a WW2 vet then he would be somewhere around 90.
So I take it that Selene has most if not all memories of Mad-Celestia and Nightmare, then? If she didn't, given her age (and lack thereof) and therefore lack of experience with living in general, she shouldn't have known what those junk food items were (Ignoring the use of weaponry given the fact that all she needed to do to see how it should function (it's a dream so controls aren't important so much as intent is)). Speech isn't really an issue due to it being a mind-to-mind type thing where language technically doesn't exist (save for our benefit) and is intent in its purest form. Also, while cute and silly it adds literally nothing to the story and seems only to serve that purpose on top of adding additional word count.
And later she's talking like she's at least ten years old once back in the Waking World whilst describing the above conflict to her 'mothers'. Though from the conversation, my earlier assumption would seem to be incorrect. I can accept her using dream-weaponry. I can accept her learning to walk quickly (because foals DO learn to walk quickly), and I guess you could just say 'because magic!' in response to that. After all, we don't know how quickly Alicorns mature (yet) so this could very well be just natural, or just magic.
I'm not sure "frightened" is the right word. I think her spirit was utterly devastated, instead. She wasn't afraid, she was shattered, and had to pull herself back together. When I learned (and I mean learned, not just listened about at school), all I could feel for a while was just this emptiness, and my hopes for the future of my own species took a permanent hit.
There are two reactions to what Luna saw: those that struggle to accept that (or explain how) any sapient, feeling being could do such things to another - and those that just didn't get it to begin with.