• Published 19th Nov 2012
  • 7,026 Views, 791 Comments

The Missionary - Radon18

Follow a man, surviving in equestria with nothing but his wits and his faith, oh and his own town.

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Chapter10: "Hey! Look Over There!"

Chapter 10

“Words in a foreign language.”
“Quoting in thought”

A silver grey mare sat outside of a massive pair of doors. There was little that drew much attention to the mare herself, with her simple silvery fur and black mane and beaker cutie mark. If she chose she would be able to blend into almost any crowd without effort. Far more eye catching than the mare were the doors she sat in front of; they were large and obsidian colored with a speckling of tiny, glowing crystals that made the portal look like a portrait of the night sky. A single large crescent moon was set in the center, made of some unidentified alabaster stone. For all the mare knew the stone may have very well been a piece of the moon itself. She raised a hoof and knocked.

“Enter.” A voice floated out into the hallway, barely making it past the thick obsidian threshold.

“Princess, it’s me, Professor Crystal Beaker. I have some information that you may find very... interesting.” The grey mare called as she slowly pushed the doors open. She emerged into a large bedroom. The walls were a dark purple velvet. More of the tiny crystals that graced the door also coated the interior. Much of the furniture in the room was several millennia old. Of course, a few pieces were clever reproductions of things that just couldn't stand the test of their owner’s long absence. The dark alicorn sat on a couch in front of a large fireplace, a stack of papers setting next to her which had obviously been holding her attention before the grey mare had made herself known. Now, however, Crystal had Luna’s full attention as she made her way to a small cushion to the side of the couch.

“The results from the material analysis came in and there are some... unique properties that have caught my attention.” Professor Beaker said conversationally as she made herself comfortable.

“Well, out with it, do not keep us in suspense!” Luna rubbed her hooves together, her face split in a large grin.

“Fine, I’ll get right to the point.” The professor rooted through a small saddlebag she had draped over her back, and pulled out a small, silver sphere. The princess looked at the sphere in confusion.

“What is this?” Luna Lit her horn surrounding the tiny sphere in her magical aura to levitate it to get a better look.

Professor Crystal gasped as the blue field began to glow with an almost unbearable white light. “PRINCESS, NO!” She screamed in vain.

The tiny sphere suddenly shot into the sky, punching a small hole in the marble roof, a single shaft of sunlight the only evidence of its existence.

“Ummm. Oops.” Luna grinned sheepishly. Luna coughed trying to regain her composure. “What pray, was that strange substance?”

Crystal Beaker sighed and hung her head. “That, princess, was over two featherweight of pure platinum.” The gray mare said morosely.

“Oh, we see...” Luna couldn't keep the stunned look off of her face.

The two mares sat in strained silence for several more seconds, neither one willing to break the suddenly awkward air.

“Princess?” Crystal finally spoke up.

“Yes, my little pony?” Luna answered, staring up at the shaft of sunlight.

“That was worth-” The professor started.

“We know, my little pony.” Luna interrupted.

“Aren’t we going to-” Crystal started again.

“Yes, my little pony.” Luna interrupted again, still staring at the hole through which something worth more than the entirety of Canterlot had just vanished.




I awoke to a sharp pain in my head and the feeling of being wrapped in the embrace of a warm bed. ‘What happened? When did I get here?’ The questions forced their way into my groggy mind. It was only another moment after that I felt the rest of the pain slam into my senses. Any thoughts of going back to sleep or even pretending to be asleep were dashed in seconds. I jerked upright in the bed and held my own shoulders as the pain from dozens of bruises, and scrapes.

My eyes were screwed shut, so I failed to see the pony I had dubbed “Jerk” jump up from his spot on the floor, the point of his spear coming to rest only a few inches from my face. He shouted something I didn’t catch and the sound of many sets of hooves thundering up some stairs was what finally got me to look up and notice his (and his spears) presence. The sharp pain on the left side of my head flared up and the memories of the previous day flooded to the fore of my mind.


I blinked the sun out of my eyes and was greeted by such a perfect winter day that it almost made me forget I was being paraded in front of a town of talking equines, wearing nothing but a pair of khaki colored shorts. The small group of myself, the annoying purple unicorn, aka Twilight, the Jerk, the Jerk’s boss lady, and the princess that would apparently kill me just from being in the same room walked down a perfect cobblestone road through a perfect little village square.

The ponies were arranged around me in a diamond with the princess leading the way, Twilight at the rear and the two soldier ponies off to either side. It was a good thing too, because the townsfolk- err... townsponies, were pressing in as close as they dared to catch a glimpse of the freaky alien that had been locked up in the middle of their town for weeks. I wasn't paying much attention to them, really. My attention was fixed on a large tree in the distance that the little group was heading towards.

We made it out of the square with little incident, besides pulling a small crowd of persistent onlookers behind us. The tree loomed closer and my imagination was beginning to play havoc with my mind. I imagined all kinds of dark rituals taking place underneath my corpse as it dangled from a high branch like some kind of giant voodoo doll. Even the ever-present smile of the pink pony (who had joined us at some point I missed) seemed to take on a sinister flair. We passed a row of perfect thatch roof houses and somewhere in my fear flooded mind I was beginning to find the perfection of literally everything unnerving. Where were the broken fence posts, or the potholes, or some chipped paint? It was almost like living in a hallmark card and it was adding fuel to my growing panic.

I had managed to keep my rising fear from being completely obvious so far, or none of the ponies had mentioned it, anyway. They talked about mundane things like the weather, or about cupcakes and what was the best kind of frosting to top them with, creamy or sugary. The tree we were slowly approaching was coming into view now and I could make out features like windows, a door, and a single sign with a picture of a book with some arcane looking text beneath it written in black paint. ‘They really are leading me to some kind of magical lab...’ The tension was too much, there was no way I was going to let anyone march me to my imminent doom!

“Hey, look, a dragon!” I suddenly shouted, and then promptly slapped myself for being such a moron. Why on earth would there be a dragon standing in the middle of-

“Oh hey, it’s Spike. HELLO SPIKE!” Twilight called out to a tiny figure standing by the side of the road. The figure, with scales and several other obviously reptilian features, waved back and started to waddle towards us.


I snatched the floating blue translator out of Twilight’s grasp and bolted for a nearby alleyway. The moment I cleared Twilight’s shield I almost collapsed in a coughing fit from the Princess being so close. I heard ponies shouting behind me but I managed to hold myself together. My feet slapped the cold cobblestone road until I reached the edge of an unshoveled alleyway where the clean stones gave way to freshly fallen snow.

My mind didn't even register the cold bite of the snow and ice I was scrambling through as I cleared the alley way onto a deserted back road. Looking around, I spotted the distant forest I had emerged from three weeks ago, I started sprinting towards it through the snow, by this point having no idea where my pursuers might be. Only one thing mattered right now, and that was getting the hell outta here.

The town vanished behind me, replaced by a dirt road leading straight to the still distant, dark, forest. “I’m going to make it!” I said through panting breaths. I was no runner and the prolonged sprint was starting to take its toll. I ignored the burning in my lungs as I ran in favor of the feeling of hope building in the back of my mind. I crested a hill and nearly collided with one of the few ponies I didn't mind spending time around. The yellow winged pony was more than a little surprised by my sudden appearance and crouched in the middle of the road with a tiny “Eep!” I avoided her with a deft sidestep and kept sprinting.

I managed to hear a strange sound through the blood rushing in my ears, it sounded like something was cutting through the air at a high speed. It actually reminded me of that sound you hear when a speeding vehicle passes a pedestrian. It approached so fast that I almost didn’t have time to react. I threw myself onto the frozen gravel and threw my hands over my head just as a rainbow colored contrail shot over me with a loud roar of rushing air. “AHHH!” I screamed. ‘If that had hit... Holy crap they really are trying to kill me!’

It only took me a few moments to calm down and get back up; the adrenalin in my system probably had something to do with that. I only managed another few steps down the road when a much slower, much quieter projectile slammed into my back, sending me tumbling a short ways down the gravel road. We came to a stop and I recognised the Jerk with his hooves planted firmly on my chest, holding me down. I panicked and started thrashing around, kicking and punching, scratching and biting, anything to get away from the light blue pony. I didn't really accomplish much other than hurting my hands, he was still wearing armor.

A stupid idea popped into my head and I stuck out a finger. “Oh my God look over there!”

“Ha, I know your tricks! I’m not going to fall fo-” POP! The Jerk held his bleeding nose and rolled off of me. “Oww, what the hey!” He moaned in an exaggerated, nasally voice, which was one of the funniest things I had ever seen but I didn't exactly have time to hang around and rub it in. I heard someone screaming “Stop!” from down the road as I turned to resume my sprint towards the forest. Just as I was taking the first step a hoof shot out and jerked my legs out from under me, dumping me back onto the frozen gravel. I heard the voice call out “STOP!” this time far closer. A heavy weight crashed down onto my spine and I thrashed to try and throw it off.

A very light-blue marshmallow entered my peripheral vision in a blur. Only, according to the side of my head, it was much harder than a marshmallow. My vision swam and I heard the muffled sound of a loud meaty thump and someone gasping, followed by a series of soft, hurried whispers. “Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!”


I shook my head to clear out the lingering memories. There in front of me were all of the ponies I had met. The Jerk still held his spear only inches from my face, in spite of the nice yellow mare tugging on his fore leg. I couldn't help but notice the purple splotch around his eye, which I didn't remember putting there. Twilight and the Princess stood out in front of the other ponies. “Hello Chris, how are you feeling?” Princess Celestia spoke in that calming voice of hers. I narrowed my eyes, fixing them with a heated glare.



Black miasma stretched out over a frame of bones. Like before, it coiled into tight knots, simulating the structures that the skeleton once possessed in life. This time it happened slowly, carefully; no mistakes could be made. Where her other creations were fun little experiments, constructs of bone made from the remains of many creatures, created only to protect or to work, this one was different. Important.

The ghostly afterimage of six brightly colored ponies arranged in a loose ‘v’ bulled itself into the forefront of her mind, distracting her from her work. ‘Shh, I'm making my self. I need it to be perfect.’ she thought before resuming her intense concentration on the task at hand.

A feeling of confusion pushed into her thoughts, displacing the delicate plans she was building in her mind.

“Am I not royal enough for you!? Do you not know who I am?” The phrase popped up instantly, too loud and too sudden to ignore.

‘I don’t know yet…’ The voice really needed to be quiet, she had to concentrate.

A feeling of fear crept into the confusion, the sensations became more insistent and disruptive.

‘Shhh, be quiet or you are going to make me mess up!’ She thought, the ‘tone’ of the message beginning to climb into annoyance and anger.

The feelings grew to anger and frustration. They practically shouted her thoughts aside now. She had to stop working to prevent herself from making a mistake.

‘QUIET!’ She bellowed into her mind. She waited, listening for the nagging thoughts to try and interfere again. When no further noise was made she continued her work, putting the finishing touches on the first stage of what would be her masterpiece. The moment she felt the last connection fall into place, she stretched it out tested its movements. Satisfied with her work, she placed a fleshless hand upon the edge of a hastily exhumed crate that had been buried deep under the soil and hauled the bones up out of the once exquisite container. She stood upright as easily as if she had been doing it for decades. If she had possessed any face at that moment she was sure she would be grinning with pride.

Oh well, she would fix that soon enough.

Author’s Note: And here is chapter ten, fresh off of the assembly line!
Don't forget to comment and tell us what you think, we love hearing from our readers!

Co-Author’s Note: I feel kinda bad for Soarin’. Not because he got punched in the face (twice), but because we’re not anywhere close to done with him. Also, apparently I’m really good at coming up with titles...