16. Revelations
Chapter 16 – Revelations
Rainbow Dash cantered through Ponyville in grim silence, focused on ignoring the pony that followed behind her, holding the tip of the multicolored tail of the weatherpony in her teeth to guide her. Holding the impromptu tether at least gave Derpy an excuse to not have to talk, and Rainbow Dash seemed to not mind the quiet.
Rainbow slowed her speed, looking above to judge their location. She had never been to Derpy’s house before, and taking the blinded mare into flight would be more difficult than merely having her trail on the ground. Derpy had tried a short flight after leaving the library, and flying sightless was close to impossible – she had immediately begun weaving and spinning, her sense of direction completely disrupted after leaving the ground.
The pair had decided to walk until they were as close to Derpy’s house as they could get to minimize the time spent in the air looking, and then Rainbow Dash would have to literally carry Derpy up to her home. The weight of another pony did not bother Rainbow Dash; she had easily carried four ponies at the ‘Best Young Fliers’ competition. She didn’t want to be Derpy’s personal transport all day.
Her pace went from slow to fully stopped, and she turned to the mare behind her.
“Hey, Derpy, what was your address again?”
“31969 Cirrus Minor,” Derpy replied. She hesitated for a moment before adding, “Thank you for taking me home, Rainbow Dash. I’m sorry that I have to be a burden on you today.”
Dejection and guilt were evident in Derpy’s voice, and the tone was so melancholy that for an instant Rainbow felt sorry for her. The feeling was fleeting, though, and the thought of Twilight’s panic earlier steeled her nerves back to apathy.
At any rate, her anger had abated to indifference after the time they had spent in silence. Actively staying angry required too much thought, so Rainbow just let her mind wander, and her grudge against Derpy had lessened, though only slightly.
“Save your apologies for later,” Rainbow Dash said flatly. “I think we’re close to where your house is, but I’m still probably gonna have to spend some time looking. I’m rarely out by the housing district on this side of Ponyville.” She considered their position again before deciding that they might as well take to the air. “Okay, climb on my back and I’ll fly us up.”
Derpy clumsily got onto Rainbow’s back, accidentally kicking her a few times in the process and eliciting a growl from her unwilling guide.
“Watch it back there, featherbrain!” she snarled. “Sitting at your place all day is painful enough as it is, without having you give me bruises, too.”
Rainbow heard a squeak, followed by a hasty, yet meek, “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash. I didn’t mean to,” followed by a few sniffles. Rainbow replayed the last few seconds in her mind, and her eyes widened as she realized how harsh she had sounded, not to mention the fact she had just told Derpy, in no uncertain terms, that spending the day with her was an agonizing experience.
It also occurred to her that, had she not previously known Derpy was behind her, she would have easily mistaken the hushed, mild apology as coming from Fluttershy. She winced at the thought of how Fluttershy would have been hurt by the comment she had just made, and that understanding twisted her emotions painfully. Even if she disliked Derpy, it was no reason to be cruel to her.
She looked over her shoulder to see Derpy sitting on her back, trying her hardest to keep her balance without having to grab at Rainbow Dash. Adding to her guilt, Rainbow saw her attempting to quietly hold back tears all the while. The sight wrenched her gut. She had not simply been cruel; she had been downright malicious.
Rainbow’s tone softened slightly.
“Derpy, I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean it like that. Just, try to be careful, okay?” Her voice cracked as she spoke, still picturing Fluttershy in her mind.
Derpy sniffed a little and calmed down, shocked by the immediate change in Rainbow Dash’s voice. She wondered what might have triggered it, and wished more than ever that she could have seen what had made the mare so much softer. She didn’t get to enjoy the empathy for long.
Rainbow Dash shook the vision out of her head, just glad that Derpy wasn’t crying any more, and her voice turned steely again.
“Okay, I’m taking us up, and I’ll keep it slow so you won’t need to worry about slipping off. Hold on tight, but not too tight. I don’t want you choking me and making me blackout halfway up.”
Derpy leaned forward carefully and tentatively wrapped her hooves around Rainbow Dash’s neck. She made sure to keep her grip a little loose, fearful of what reaction she would get from her unwilling helper if she held on too hard. She felt the mare shift beneath her, crouching her hindquarters down as she readied to push off from the ground.
The feeling made her slightly nauseous. She clamped her eyes shut instinctively and tried to brace herself for the plunge her stomach would take when Rainbow Dash took flight. Getting airsick on Rainbow would be certain doom for her, either by being bucked off in midair or by the thrashing she’d receive on landing. Neither sounded pleasant.
Thankfully Rainbow Dash’s mastery of flight meant in addition to being agile and fast, she could be graceful and gentle when she wanted to, though those times were few and far between. All Derpy could feel after Rainbow’s initial shift in posture was a faint push, and they were airborne.
Derpy had never imagined Rainbow Dash would intentionally travel slowly. She knew she was not well liked by Rainbow, but she was extremely grateful that Rainbow was showing her consideration regardless. The flight upward was smooth, and Derpy couldn’t even tell how high they had climbed until Rainbow Dash banked her path toward the left and shifted to a descent. She felt Rainbow Dash stop to hover for a few moments, apparently checking the address.
“Alright, I guess this is your place.” Rainbow said shortly, settling down lightly on the wispy landing step outside the house. “It doesn’t look like too bad of a place,” she remarked. Her voice still sounded a bit cold, but Derpy took the statement to be as good of a compliment as she would get.
“Thanks. It’s not really big or impressive, but it’s home.” Truthfully, that was an understatement. Derpy’s house was small compared to nearly all the other homes in the area; mailponies didn’t receive the best pay to begin with, and her previous employers in Cloudsdale had seemed to look for reasons to deduct bits from her paycheck.
In hindsight, she thought it was pretty obvious that they were actually trying to make her life miserable, and for the most part they had succeeded. The biggest mistake they had made in their quest to torment her was firing her, and the thought that they had unwittingly given her the happiest opportunities of her life brought a small smile to her face.
She heard somepony impatiently clearing her throat, and she snapped back to the present, realizing that she was still clinging to Rainbow Dash outside her house. She carefully slipped off Rainbow’s back onto the cloud, embarrassed at drifting off into a daydream while sitting on a pony that clearly didn’t care much for her to begin with.
“Sorry about that,” she muttered softly. “I kinda drifted off there for a minute.”
“So I noticed,” Rainbow replied in a sardonic voice. “What were you smirking at, anyway?”
Derpy fidgeted at being put on the spot like that – it had never occurred to her that Rainbow Dash might have been looking at her while she sat there, lost in her thoughts.
“Nothing, really,” she sheepishly answered. “I was just thinking about how the Cloudsdale mail team fired me a little while ago.”
“Huh?” Rainbow Dash was truly confused now. “Why in Equestria would getting fired make you smile?” She sat down on the doorstep, intrigued enough at Derpy’s odd behavior that she forgot about her impatience to go inside the house.
Now Derpy was truly embarrassed; her reasoning was complicated and personal, but she knew if she brushed the pegasus off she’d be infinitely worse off in her attempt to extend her friendship to Rainbow Dash.
She rubbed the back of her head with a hoof in discomfort, but figured she had nothing to lose by talking about it. She certainly couldn’t get Rainbow to dislike her much more than she already did.
“Well, when they fired me, they sent me to Ponyville. That’s when I got to meet Twilight, and, well, I guess that kinda tells it all.” She blushed further. “I would have never found somepony to love if I was still stuck with them.”
An awkward silence fell after Derpy’s admission, and Rainbow Dash was glad that Derpy couldn’t see her. She had been momentarily stunned at Derpy’s positive outlook at even the most negative events, and she couldn’t find any words to appropriately explain it. The absence of her visible reaction meant that she could pretend the silence was only indifference to the response. Awesome ponies didn’t get touchy-feely.
“Eh, if you say so, I guess,” she said dismissively. “Whaddya say we go inside? I could use a rest after carryin’ your flank all the way up here.”
“Oh, um, yeah, I guess so…” Derpy acknowledged. She had hoped her response might have shown Rainbow Dash how much she really cared about Twilight, but apparently it hadn’t. She sighed a little at what she thought was a missed opportunity. It’ll be okay. Twilight said so. I have all night to show her what I’m really like. The thought gave her some hope back, and following Rainbow’s voice to the door, she let them in.
****************
“Argh! I simply cannot abide sitting here for such a long time, Twilight!” Rarity used her perfected wail of self-pity in an attempt to get a reaction from her study partner. She let out an exasperated huff, putting on the best fake pout she could muster. She was determined to wheedle at least a little break time out of Twilight.
Unfortunately for her, Twilight was lost in deep concentration, her nose almost touching the desk, comparing her transcript with the original parchment containing the spell of interest. The only acknowledgement Twilight gave the ivory unicorn was a short verbal jab.
“Rarity, you promised to help me look for the problem with this spell. If you want to practice your whining, go find the Diamond Dogs and knock yourself out.”
Rarity let out a dignified snort and dropped back into her chair.
“How many times must I explain to you all that there is a difference between whining and complaining?” she badgered.
“Less time than it would take for you to just stop doing both and be done with it.” Twilight countered sharply, nose still buried in parchment.
“Twilight!” Rarity gave an indignant gasp, and then dropped to her gruff, accusatory, and yet somehow still ladylike tone. “How could you force your friend to sit in one place for so long like this?”
“Rarity, you’ve been here a total of one hour, and forty-two minutes of that hour have been spent flipping your mane, inspecting your hooves, staring blankly into Celestia-knows-where, complaining or whining or whichever one it was, and you even tried to start flirting with Spike when he walked past earlier to distract yourself.”
Rarity slipped back into complaint mode. “… But, but…” she sniffed, “my coiffure is being ruined by the musty old air in this library, this tiny little desk is so stifling that I’m all sweaty, my hooficure is being absolutely marred by flipping through these stiff old books, and my beautiful coat is getting completely covered with dust.” She spat out the word with contempt. “You simply must let me out to refresh myself at the spa for a little while.”
Twilight didn’t even bother to look up from her texts. She pointed a hoof down the hall.
“Down there is a ‘spa’ you can use for fifteen minutes or so. The rest of us refer to it as a shower. Get all that icky dust off your coat, dry yourself completely so you don’t destroy my books, then get your flank back here and help me find out what went wrong.”
Rarity huffed again, but she realized that a fifteen minute shower was the best sympathy she could expect from the obsessed librarian, and she took the opportunity while it was there. She had been gone for no less than one minute before Twilight heard her voice floating over from the bathroom.
“Twilight, darling, where do you keep your exfoliating creams and moisturizers?”
Twilight facehooved. It was going to be a long day.
****************
Rainbow Dash led the way into Derpy’s house, trailed by the pegasus that lived there. It felt strange to be leading Derpy around like this; she was giving a tour of a place she had never been to before to somepony who knew it well. She took her time walking through the entry, looking around in order to gain some familiarity with the building. She was, after all, going to be responsible for being Derpy’s guide for the day.
The responsibility was unsettling, and she felt an urge to free herself from the chore and simply leave Derpy alone to fend for herself. The thought was definitely appealing, but she had made a promise to Twilight, and the fact that she had even considered both breaking her promise and abandoning the blinded mare appalled her.
Her mind floated back to earlier, seeing the hurt on Derpy’s face, and regret tugged at her chest. As the day went on, her thoughts continually asked her why she was being so hard on the poor pegasus. Sure, she didn’t like her, but there were plenty of other ponies she didn’t get along with in Ponyville, and she had never treated them with contempt as she had with Derpy.
That fact hit her, and she immediately responded in defense, aggressively shoving all emotion from her head. Sometimes if you ignore a problem, it’ll go away on its own. Thinking can wait. I have to find my way around this place anyway. She smiled emptily to herself. This problem was one she wanted to ignore as long as possible, and she had no issue indulging that idea.
“Umm…” a hesitant and small voice brought Rainbow Dash back to the present. “Rainbow Dash? Are you still there?”
Rainbow turned around and saw Derpy still by the doorway, trying to feel her way along the floor with her hoof, cautiously moving forward but trying not to trip or run into anything. She felt another pang of guilt at leaving her standing there while she was looking around, and walked back over to help Derpy around the room.
“Sorry about that Derpy, I was kinda lookin’ around to see where everything was and forgot that I’d need to help you around.” Rainbow glanced around again, unsure of what exactly to do. “So, uh, what should I be helping you with? I mean, obviously I gotta keep ya from running into stuff, but is there something else I should be doing?”
“Well, we could have some lunch, or dinner, I don’t really know what time it is any more. Last I knew it was late morning, and that’s when I lost my sight. Since then I haven’t been able to judge what time of day it is.” Derpy gave a weak smile. “All I know is that I’m kind of hungry.”
Dash nodded, before realizing that the gesture wouldn’t be seen anyway.
“Right. That makes sense. It’s mid-evening now, I’d guess about five-ish, so if you want we can grab a bite to eat.”
“Alright, the kitchen should be over that way,” Derpy made a vague gesture to her left with her hoof, and almost lost her balance lifting it off the cloud. Wow, and I thought it was hard to walk on clouds with my sight like it was before… “I should have some salad greens and flower buds in the refrigerator, that’d be fine for me, if you wouldn’t mind just getting some on a plate for me. You’re welcome to anything you can find in the kitchen.”
Rainbow Dash looked at her a bit quizzically at the simple request.
“You sure you don’t want something more than just a salad? If you haven’t eaten since breakfast you must be starving.”
“Oh, no, that’s enough for me, you don’t need to make anything. I’m just glad you’re here to help me maneuver through my house, you didn’t volunteer to be my personal caterer for the night.”
After all she had put Derpy through so far, Rainbow couldn’t fathom the consideration that Derpy was giving her. Had the horseshoe been on the other hoof and she’d been the blinded one, she’d have been asking for the most complicated meal ever, just to get even. Her offer to Twilight to help with anything floated back to her, and she shook her head.
This time, though, she was not shaking it to clear an unwelcome thought. She was arguing with herself, and for the first time ever, her pride lost. It was one thing to dislike somepony, but as she thought about her behavior that day, her anger, her redirecting of blame, her harsh words, her coldness, she realized something.
She was doing nothing but holding a petty grudge as though Derpy was her sworn enemy, and she couldn’t even say why she had a grudge in the first place. She still wasn’t able to accept Derpy – she would need to do some major thinking about that later. Until she figured out what and why she was feeling this way, she wasn’t going to treat Derpy like dirt for no reason.
“Nah, it’s no problem, Derpy. I’ll whip up something for us. Tell you what, you go lay down and get that rest, and I’ll let you know when I’ve got something ready. Sound okay?”
The look on Derpy’s face at that suggestion told Rainbow Dash that everything she had suspected about her behavior earlier was dead on. The blind mare wasn’t just surprised or speechless; she was genuinely shocked to hear the prismatic pony offering to do something by her own choice. Rainbow pretended not to notice and just continued.
“So, where’s your room at, anyway?”
Derpy recovered from her daze, trying to remember which way she was facing. She steadied herself a bit more before lifting her hoof this time, and gestured ahead and slightly to her right. “There’s a hall down around there, at least I think it’s around there. The bedroom is all the way to the end on the right. If you need it, the bathroom is on the left about halfway down the hall.”
“K’, hold on to my tail a minute, and I’ll take ya down there.”
Derpy lightly grasped the tip of the tail that was lightly brushing her muzzle, and slowly followed Rainbow down the hall, carefully stepping across the cloud to make sure she didn’t stumble and yank on the tail. She felt the tail come to a sudden halt in front of her, and almost pitched forward into Rainbow’s flank from the unexpected stop, and she heard a sharp gasp from the colorful pegasus.
“Is all this… what’s with all the letter thingies in here?” Rainbow didn’t even try to hide the confusion in her voice. She gazed around, her head swimming from puzzlement to amazement to amusement at the sight.
Derpy had completely forgotten about the strange decorations adorning her room, and embarrassment flushed its way across her face. Well, that’s that, I guess. If she didn’t think I was a freak before, she does now. She gave a big sigh.
“After my eyes went all weird, I started collecting these from eye doctors. I guess after all the hassle I was getting, I was willing to do about anything to get them back to something more normal. I try to focus on the letters every night; I guess you could say it’s kind of an obsessive exercise for me.” She lowered her head, waiting for the derisive comments that were sure to follow.
Nothing came. Rainbow Dash was trying to comprehend the lengths Derpy had gone to just to try to be a little less of an outcast. Amazingly, she somehow was able to relate to how Derpy felt. Rainbow had always received her own amount of teasing – ponies hadn’t called her ‘Rainbow Crash’ for nothing – and just that small amount had been all it took to propel her to obsessive exercises of her own.
If that amount of teasing was all it took to make her obsessive about flying practice, what would she have done had she received the amount of scorn Derpy had?
She turned to look at Derpy, and was taken aback by the pained grimace she wore, as though she was waiting for something… A light clicked on Rainbow Dash’s head. Derpy was waiting for more ridicule. Of course she expected it – she had gotten it her entire life, why would now be any different?
“Did it ever help?”
“Huh?” Derpy wasn’t sure what Rainbow had said. It sounded foreign, spoken in a calming yet interested voice.
“Your letter practice thingy. Did it ever help you get any better?” Rainbow Dash actually surprised herself with the question. She hadn’t consciously chosen her words to make Derpy feel better, and she wasn’t feigning interest. Looking at Derpy’s room had made her wonder if all the work had paid off, and she legitimately wanted to know. The question had just tumbled out as a result.
“No,” Derpy softly replied, “it never did. I’ve still been trying, but I think Twilight is the only hope I have left of improving.”
She paused, and her face brightened a bit. “If she can’t get it to work right, though, I think I’m okay with it. She doesn’t mind how my eyes look, and the fact that she loves me anyway makes my sight feel so much less important.” She grinned a little. “Not that I’d complain if she did make them better.”
Dash gave her a bit of a playful swat with her wing, directing her toward her bed. “Well, when your sight comes back, keep trying until Twi gets it right. Now, get some rest while I see what I can whip up for food.”
****************
It had been hours since Rarity came back from her impromptu ‘spa treatment’, and she had only moaned about Twilight’s lack of styling products for a short while before she finally gave up and sat, studying quietly. Her inspirations for her designs were long gone anyway, so she may as well help as best she could, even if they hadn’t made any progress.
Twilight had re-transcribed the scroll entirely, and then compared it to her previous attempt to try to spot any differences she may have written. Frustratingly, they had been identical. She had since moved on to cross-referencing medical terminology for any abbreviations or words that might have dual meanings in the context of the spell. So far, her efforts were unrewarded.
Rarity was almost mindlessly flipping through a journal on medical reference formatting; Twilight had suggested that the writers of the spell might have had a special sequence for documenting their findings that differed from normal reading, something like having a section specifically for subjective observation that might not belong in the actual spell itself. It had taken only minutes into the book for Rarity’s eyes to glaze over as incomprehension took hold of her.
She gave a frustrated sigh, staring at the accursed scroll sitting between her and Twilight. Lamplight danced over the page. Darkness had crept over the library some time ago, and with a series of overdramatic thumps she intentionally dropped her forehead on the table several times. Each thump was accompanied by a rude or vulgar comment regarding the document, until finally she let her head rest where it dropped, rolling it to the side to give Twilight a disheartened look.
Twilight had stopped reading for the moment, regarding her friend’s theatrics with a raised eyebrow. Rarity gave an irritated groan and glanced back at the parchment, only able to see the thin line of the text from her vantage point on the desk. A flicker from the lamp dispelled some shadow from the page, and an indentation caught her eye in the glint of the light.
There was a slight impression on the page, clearly left by a quill years ago, directly in a very dark patch of smudged ink. She raised her head to look, and the mark vanished, the faint depression of paper imperceptible from above. Her eyes locked on the sentence containing the smudge.
At all times, the caster’s horn must be separated from the patient’s forehead.
Smears dotted the sentence, but it was clear enough to read, and it made sense; Rarity dropped her head back to the desk, looking along the edge of the page. She focused a small bit of magic to conjure a light opposite the page, and the indentations appeared again, more visible with a stronger light behind them. The letters ‘n’ and ‘t’ shone in the ink stain.
Shaking, she raised her head, eyes still on the word that had been partially obscured to be sure she didn’t lose which stain they were in. She reread the sentence.
At all times, the caster’s horn mustn’t be separated from the patient’s forehead.
Rarity had found Twilight’s error.
****************
Rainbow Dash lay on the couch, poking at the pillow she had found in one of Derpy’s closets. Derpy had offered more than once to let Rainbow have her bed for the night; after all, it was the least she could do to thank Rainbow for the dinner she had made. Rainbow had, of course, refused – partially out of manners as a guest, and partially because sleeping under the charts in Derpy’s room would have seriously creeped her out. In daytime, they were thought provoking, but at night… creepy.
She was going over and over in her head all the thoughts she had thrust aside during the day. It was still early, but Derpy had fallen asleep almost effortlessly. Even after her rest before dinner, she was exhausted from her day. With her host sleeping in the next room over, Rainbow Dash had plenty of spare time to think without emotions betraying her iron-pony image.
Her entire life she had disliked Derpy, and more recently that dislike had escalated. She had presumed it was because the clumsy mailmare was getting close to one of her best friends – that much was obvious. Her earlier time in Derpy’s home had taken much of that bitterness away; the pegasus really was kind of likeable, in a weird sort of way.
For some reason, though, Rainbow still had a deep-seated distaste for her, and she couldn’t explain why she couldn’t accept the mare for who she was. She had come to an easy enough answer for why she didn’t like her at first, and it was the same reason everypony else had.
Derpy was different, and as a filly she had been made fun of for that by everypony, Rainbow Dash included. It didn’t make her proud, but that’s the way it was. She went with the crowd, poking fun at the filly with the weird eyes. Rainbow Dash punched the cloud in frustration, remembering the looks of dejection the young filly had worn every day – they were the same looks that she had seen earlier in the day on the grown mare.
She froze at that thought. She had seen the same looks on somepony else when she was a filly. Somepony else she knew had worn a face of rejection and fear her entire foalhood, and she still carried pieces of them today. Rainbow Dash had glimpsed her when she had been cruel to Derpy. Fluttershy.
All her life, the yellow pony had faced mockery from all sides but one, and it was the only difference between how Fluttershy and Derpy had grown. Rainbow Dash was the difference. Everypony made fun of Fluttershy – everypony except for her. She had stayed by Fluttershy’s side through it all, defending her from the teasing at her constant fear and virtually non-existent flying skills.
Fluttershy was still timid, still fearful, still a poor flyer, and just like Derpy, still hurt easily from the scars of foalhood. The only variation between her long-time friend and Derpy was that Rainbow Dash threw insults at Derpy instead of repelling them. It was time for that to change.
Stats
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
622 users online
984,933 hits today, 1,960,280 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
(Genie from Aladdin voice): Ah. She CAN be taught!!
First I want to say FINALLY I WAS WAITING FOR THIS CHAPTER TO COME OUT ALL DAY AND NIGHT! Secondly very nice work please continue doing what your doing.
That is wonderful and heartfelt and I loved every moment
I can't wait for the next chapter.
(Joke) Alt. Title: Return To Sender
holy crap i know what you wanted to portrait here, but chill down with them being such an assholes
i felt so...uncomfortable reading this chapter, like with rarity i can understand a little girly joke, but with added Rainbow its just...ugh, Shes blind for Celestias sake!
Subtle, be more subtle with them hatin on derpy.
I know i sounded really negative but, well other then those uncomfortable parts, it was a nice chapter, as I said i understand that you wanted to show us the...change of Rainbow? more like hammer it into our head (a little joke! a joke from me!) Other then that, it was fun to read, like the whole story
(POSITIVE COMMENT! don't get it as a flame! I BEG YOU)
1809205 Thanks for the honest feedback; constructive criticism is still constructive.
Yeah, I was a bit heavy handed on them being jerks - sorry those parts were uncomfortable to read. 
My main focus for the chapter, as you figured, was to show (or hammer down 
) Rainbow's change in thought. I had established her as being a jerk earlier (no offense to her, I love Rainbow), but her personality has always struck me as stubborn, brash, and far from subtle, so that's how I tried to show her. I also didn't want to wave a magic wand and say 'poof jerk no more', but I wanted to show her thought process - with Rainbow I envision a hesitancy to show much change until she knows exactly how she feels. Unfortunately that meant a rehash and focus on her harsh attitudes in order to show reasons why they might change now.
Hopefully that clears up a bit on why the hate was so strong from Rainbow, though I understand that it may have been a bit much for some people.
And no, it's not a flame, so no worries - it's nice to be able to see how my portrayals come across to readers, and nobody thinks alike, so differing views are welcome.
1809437
dun wurry, i was okay with the story overall (I will repeat this over and over and over and over, i like this story)
Just...You could handle it on a more subtle level, like show her as a "lesser" jerk, and give her more time to "recover" (dat terminology) (The fact that Rainbow is not subtle, does not mean that writting her could not be subtle, its not a troll from Tolkien were dealing with) and i think you could get the same effect without the HAMMER TIME. And i dunno, I would avioid saying that RD is far from subtle, maybe not exacly subtle, but i would just call it straightforwardness...if there was a word like that.
But thats just me, and perhaps the overall theme was...yea (Blind person who JUST got blind, and her overall life was...not kind) made me feel just, bad at reading stuff like that. Maybe thats a good thing? Like, you actually made me feel emotional toward a character, but still its not OC, so I might just feel bad at how you portrayed her. So i guess thats for a diffrent kind of theme "HOW WOULD YOU MADE RD IN YOUR STORY"
good to know you did take it as it was intended to be taken, btw. did i say alread that i Like this story? Because i do and i will keep on reading
ohoho, look at me, ima smartass, but not really, il'l shut up now
I was just going to make the point that there is a small thing missing from this story. I kinda want to see Princess Celestia's, Shining Armour's and Twilight's Parents reaction to Derpy being Twilight's marefriend. Just a suggestion really, always makes for an interesting part, the Family's acceptance/shunning. Story is really good though.
Keep up the good story.
I am deeply enjoying this. So many different feels, the one clop scene tied in perfectly with the rest of the story, and the whole thing just reeks of awesome. Have a like, a fave, a watch, and a Derpy.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/294/886/596.gif
This chapter was nice. Finally caught up on everything. The fact Rainbow Dash has come to understand a bit more and the comparisons to Fluttershy.
I love the depth you've given a virtually unknown character and the whys and wherefores of her past. I'm enjoying this tale and looking forward to more of your hard work.
I honestly, and truly loved this chapter, and the prequel (12). I will first say, your writing, as always been obviously inherently superior (and the one we shall call your 'little helper'
).
The style portrayed here is completely relevant to the misfortune both mares went through, and you literally poured all of your thoughts into constructing a sound answer for the reason they are like they are (childhood memories, scarring their future selves).
I am happy to know you insist if not honorably accept that your readers want more, and you certainy give them just that!
I for one, believe you have made this story more believable than any other shipping I have ever come across. It certainly tugs an emotion chain on your readers, spilling out anger, disgust, repulsion, sorrow, understanding, happiness, etc. It really brings the characters out of the show, and puts them into a spotlight shone by you, of course. I am happy you write not because you can, but because every part of you says you love doing it.
Enjoy the week, and be sure to revel in the fact your still alive after the 21st... And have a merry christmas with your adorning wife
Geez, I thought Rainbow Dash would never stop being a cunt in this story. I love Rainbow Dash, even have her cutie mark tattooed on my shoulder, but she was really irritating me. You have played with my emotions once again Oh Powerful Author of Evil Emotions. I'm really enjoying this story, mainly due to being able to relate to how some of them are feeling from certain issues and situations. I know that I was certainly teased, ridiculed, beat up, and rejected by society for years because I couldn't be the same as everyone else and feel comfortable about it. It's just the way I am. I'm gonna be who I'm gonna be and no one can change who I am. Anyway, sorry for rambling, back to your story. The details are great. Sometimes they are a bit vague, and the dialogue is a bit confusing at times due to no use of names at certain points. Other than minor things like that I'm really happy I stumbled across this story and decided to watch you. I knew I was right about you being a good writer. Carry on my good man.
Signed,
Kylar L. Soza
I love this story, It has such a "depth" of characters and when I read I do not simply read words on the screen, No I am LIVING that story, feeling the same emotions as the characters are and its amazing! True, this story has mostly brought me sadness but when those little happy moments occur I cherish them so incredibly much and it can't do anything but bring a smile to my lips that might even be able to compete with pinkie pie's!
As for the whole Rainbow Dash thing, It hurts so much inside to read and I just want to give my whole heart and soul to Derpy because you are putting her through such a tough time. But I love the fact that you did what you did because that is exacly the "deep characters" I talked about. Most writers tend to go with the "best possible situations" and that simply makes the stories boring.
You give the characters a REASON to change, not just accepting things simply because equestria is made up to be the perfect place where nopony is different or atleast not treated differently for whatever the reason might be.
And for the whole Derpy being treated and therefor thinking the way she does is not alien to me, Having been bullied my whole youth I have not had an easy time with my self-esteem and have often thought the same ways that Derpy does, that everything they say about me and did to me was justified. that I somehow did something wrong and punished myself for it.
All of that has had a huge impact on my life and as recently as a month ago I was given a recipe for anti-depressants and Im hoping that I will be able to get myself out of the hole I have dug myself down in, as I have shut myself off from friends and family for far too long.
The brony fandom Is actually part of the reason I am still here today, I would lie if I said that I haven't had suicide thoughts, But spending time reading the fanfics, Watching My little pony and otherwize keeping in touch with bronies have helped immensely!
I give you, dearly writer my biggest thanks for writing such an amazing story! It has truly touched my heart!
I'm more than happy to see us starting off with Derpy and Dash, and I'm once more going to comment on Derpy's ability to absorb the blame and turn it into guilt in other ponies, though Dash is quick to overcome this. However, a small crack in the damn can cause more leaks. Dash will break and Derpy will be fully accepted by the group <3
Aaaaand now Dash is feeling the pain she needs to feel. Don't get me wrong, I love Rainbow Dash (and I honestly believe she can be a softie when in the right setting since I personally ship her with Fluttershy) but she needs a few emotional jabs to her ego in order to get over this issue she has against Derpy. Now we're getting those jabs and I couldn't be happier ^.^
As I read about Derpy putting her hooves around Dash's neck, I can't help but wonder how much more interesting the story would get- not that it isn't fantastic right now, mind you, I just mean interesting in terms of intrigue, twists, and drama- if Derpy's feelings for Twilight began to fade and her feelings for Dash- and Dash's feelings for Derpy- began to increase.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq792x7TiI1qamvmzo1_500.gif
Take some tenderness, mix it with an awkword moment, splash on some irritation, and- oh we're switching to Rarity and Twilight. Okay,I'll move on~
Lots of levity in Rarity's 'agony', an apreciated break and a lovely contrast from the otherwise touching and even slightly grim Derpy/Dash mingling, and now that I say "Derpy/Dash mingling' i can't help but hear it as a dirty joke aimed at my earlier comment xD I gotta give some sympathy to Rarity though; she was pretty much hoodwinked into the situation through shock and the emotions of the moment, and now Twilight's being rather short and snappy with her. She'd better give Rarity a cake or something as thanks.
And now we're back to Dash and Derpy, and as Dash offers to make a meal- the decision after a lot of inner self discovery about herself and her unreasonable dislike towards Derpy
(we always hurt those we love)I'm feeling tears in my eyes again. Happy tears, of course. I wanna give Dash all the hugs in the world because she's maturing. I about lost it when Rainbow Dash found the wallpaper eye chart posters; I'd forgotten about them just as Derpy had. Sweet moment, and a GREAT bit of insight for Dash into Derpy's mind. Now it seems they're starting to get things in common (Dash and Derpy being ridiculed, etc) Maybe I'm biased because Ihave the Dash/Derpy thought in my brain,but maaaaan how entertainingthat sort of switch-er-roo would be.Back to Rarity and Twilight and lo and behold! Rarity found the error! I almost sort of figured she'd find something useful since otherwise her presence would be pointless, but having her around was none the less fun and a rather in-character and realistic thing for Twilight to do. I like how you had Rarity find the indentations and examine them a couple of times, even getting more light to help prounce them. Clever, very clever.
Finally we get to see Dash's thoughts, and I'm quite surprsied by them. They start off leaning in the direction I've been hinting at this entire comment, and then they jerk off to friendzone at the end. Perhaps Dash has a crush on Fluttershy, but that's reading way into it, even for ME, the pony looking for excuses to get Derpy to leave Twilight in favor of Dash.
At the moment, I'm very happy with how the story is rolling along. I'm curious to see if Derpy gets her sight back and if the spell will work after Rarity's fix. Or if the fix will at least get her sight back. So many opportunities in this story!
31969 Cirrus Minor,
hehehe. 69
I need to grow up -_-;
“Less time than it would take for you to just stop doing both and
be done with it.” Twilight countered sharply, nose still buried in parchment.
Twilight just made the statement that it would take less time for Rarity to complain and whine, than it would take for her to stop doing both. I think you meant the opposite. Also, the words "Less time" doesn't really follow "how many times", because one is talking about an actual expanse of time, and the other is talking about a number of instances. I have no idea how you could word that to correct it, though.
I really like that Twilight specifically chose Rarity to help her study the spell. Technically, she could have chose anypony that happened to be literate, since she wasn't actually asking Rarity to cast magic. But with Rarity being a fellow mage, I would think that she would have a lot more knowledge of magic, and possibly more intellect, then the rest of Twilight's friends. Even if this would most certainly pale in comparison to Twilight Sparkle.
(By the way, I consider all of the mane six to be equal to each other in their own ways. Their own strengths and weaknesses. I don't want it to come off that just because I'm suggesting Rarity to be superior in intellect to the rest of the group, and inferior to both intellect and magical prowess compared to Twilight, that they aren't equals overall.)
The mistake that Rarity ended up finding was priceless. So small, yet completly Discords the meaning of the instruction. Ultimate facehoof!
At the end of this chapter, when "Loyalty" started to surface, I had the image of Rainbow Dash's cutie mark in my head. I think that moment should come with it's own theme-song. The "Fighting is Magic" Rainbow Dash stage theme isn't exactly appropriate for the feeling it invokes. Something more subdued, like one of the less action-oriented Christopher-Nolan-Batman soundtrack pieces.
I can understand Rainbow Dash's bizarre dislike for Derpy, if I stretch my imagination just a bit beyond what's been presented in the story. People generally are uncomfortable around the disabled, and don't know how to act around them. This usually ends up with excessively gentle treatment and concern (often to a degree that can annoy the target of that treatment)
But it's also in people's nature to ostracize those that are different. It's also not uncommon for people not to want to acknowledge pain and suffering, so they pretend it doesn't exist...furthering their drive to ostracize the disabled. It's not something people want to think about, so it's something they would avoid being around. This may even lead to some strange mind-games a person might play with themself, actually convincing themself that the disabled person is in some way at fault, so that they don't have to feel sorry for them. (Completly ignoring the fact, of course, that generally a disabled person does NOT want anyone feeling sorry for them. But no one ever seems to realize that, so it's a moot point. I'm talking about faulty trains of thought, after all.)
That Rainbow Dash doesn't know why she feels such animosity toward Derpy, really supports this notion.
There's also the fact that Derpy is a pegasus, and Rainbow Dash is obsessed with constantly bettering herself athletically. Perhaps there is some sliver of desire within Rainbow Dash to see Derpy's clumsiness improved. Harsh treatment is often a way people try to motivate others. This might not be something Rainbow Dash is conscious of, but it certainly could be a subconscious motivation.
Kind of like how Rarity's generosity...plus her obsession with looking her best, ends up with her attacking ponies with forced makeovers.
Could also be just simply disdain for an 'inferior' pegusi, like a much less sociopathic version of the Rainbow Factory-Cloudsdale mindset, or it could even be both.
Overall this chapter is really starting to show the importance of Rainbow Dash's initial animosity toward Derpy.
Oh, no disrespect intended to FlutterDash1, in regards to FlutterDash1's comment about the possibility of Derpy's love for Twilight fading and the shipping switching to a DerpyDash...I'm glad you didn't go that route. *shudders*. I hate that crap, it's horribly ill-advised and never acceptable under any circumstances.. I can't even stand it when there's a slight hiccup in a relationship, and somepony makes the mistake of playing kissyface with someone else. It's crap like that which makes me want to flog an author with their own story until they turn black and blue.
Does this mean what I think this means? Is Dash going to change?
2292343 ARMY OF PIDGEOTS
That whole section was just Twilight roasting Rarity
1809437
Ponies not liking certain ponies makes sense when you consider that they are a social herbivorous species. Standing out, whether socially acceptable or not, attracts attention of predators and is detrimental to the wellbeing of the species as a whole. So whether it is an unconscious instinct to drive away the ponies which attract a predator's attention, or they're conscious of it, but don't think/meditate on philosophical thoughts and theory, the behavior of ponies toward the ponies who attract attention is, while not acceptable, certainly understandable when such information is factored into the equation of pony behaviorisms.
Another thing is that while ponies might have things which might be advantageous in a conflict, whether between predators or not, they don't have the kind of predatory weapons like sharp flesh rending teeth and claws. While their legs might be great for kicking and bucking, their advantage is in their speed and a pony's natural inclination to flee from conflict is part of their survival toolkit. This also factors into the pony sociological behaviorism of distancing and avoiding things which would be detrimental to the safety of themselves and the specie as a whole. They wouldn't want to get close to a pony that stands out because of the attention that the pony who attracts such attention would be detrimental to their safety and that of their fellow ponies. Therefore in light of this, the behaviorism of other ponies towards such attention getting ponies like Derpy and Rainbow Dash is, while not acceptable, certainly understandable.
It isn't acceptable because they're no longer base animals, who are controlled by instinct and urges/desires, but sapients who are capable of self-awareness and have the capacity to exercise logic and reason. In spite of becoming conscious of such base motivations, it isn't as though one could expect a perfect remedy to things which have gone on for generations. Not only would such change take time, but it would also require not only awareness of such undesirable factors, but also a desire to change. And change is sometimes one of the things which is the most fought against.
You decided to defend the filly with nonexistent flying skills, but attack the filly with weird eyes...what.
Rainbow Dash, before Season 3, you were a Celestia-damned jerkass.