• Published 16th Nov 2012
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Address Unknown - remedy



Derpy's suffered scorn for a mold she doesn't fit. Will a chance meeting change her life for the better?

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26. A Time to Build Up

Chapter 26 – A Time to Build Up

Rainbow Dash returned after Derpy and Applejack had finished their discussion, bringing with her the mailpony’s bags and hat and looking relieved that nopony was still upset or deep in conversation. Derpy gratefully accepted her equipment from the technicolor pegasus, looking much less depressed than when Rainbow Dash had left.

“So, in a nutshell, what did I miss while I was gone?” Rainbow Dash asked hesitantly. “Just spare me the real in-depth stuff, okay? I just want to know where everypony is standing on everything when Twilight gets back.”

“No major damage was done,” Applejack replied calmly, reclining on a couch Derpy had set back up for her to rest on. “Ah got a bit banged up, an’ Ah assume ya know how Spike’s doin’. Your mane ain’t lookin’ too bad, just a bit darkened in a spot. Bet Rarity’d have somethin’ that’d be able to patch it up in a pinch, though.”

Derpy trotted back from hanging her gear on a coat rack that she retrieved from the corner it had been flung to. “I’m feeling a lot better, too,” she added. “I don’t think Twilight really had much more than a panic attack at the sudden news. Applejack doesn’t think she was doing any of the magic on purpose, so really, looking back at it, it seems more like a bad temper tantrum than anything else. So, I’m not going to hold tonight against her.” She frowned slightly. “I’d prefer she not have any more tantrums like that, though.”

“Agreed on that,” Applejack chimed in.

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, giving them a look that told them she thought they were both insane. “You don’t think she did any of that on purpose?” She gestured around the room. “How could that wreck of a room be all a mistake?”

Applejack rolled her eyes at her friend. “Did you even look at her when it was happenin’, Dash?”

“No, I was trying not to have my head blown off by exploding books!” she snapped back.

Applejack glared back, annoyed at both Dash’s aggressive attitude and her lack of perception. “Her eyes went all white, like they do when she’s channelin’ her most powerful magic. The only times that’s happened is when we’re usin’ the Elements on somethin’, or when she flipped out when she got her cutie mark. An’ that mess sounded a lot like what she did tonight.”

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment, trying to remember Twilight’s story about the cutie mark. She only remember bits and pieces; everypony was trying to tell her how her Sonic Rainboom helped them earn their marks, so it all jumbled together for her, but if Applejack said it was the same, then it had to be true. She wouldn’t lie to Derpy just to make her feel better, mostly because she couldn’t lie worth a hay anyway. Besides, it was true that Twilight got extremely flustered when anything deviated from her plans.

She shrugged at the explanation. “If you say so, AJ.”

“Oh, Rainbow Dash – one other thing,” Derpy said, trying with difficulty to conceal excitement in her voice.

Rainbow Dash looked back at her with a raised eyebrow, and nearly toppled backward in surprise as Derpy spun around suddenly, throwing her flank directly into Dash’s line of sight.

“What in the hay are you sticking that at me for?” she exclaimed with annoyance, averting her eyes quickly from the unexpected assault of a gray rear-end.

Derpy looked at Applejack and winked, her smile growing wider by the second. “Well, you were so focused on my cutie mark before, I thought you might be interested in the newest addition.”

Applejack burst into a fit of laughter, nearly falling off the couch and clutching her side as the laughter threw the bruise back into pain. “Well, she gotcha there, Dash! Just don’t let Twi catch ya eyein’ her flank!” She erupted in a new fit of giggles as Rainbow Dash’s faced burned crimson.

Rainbow grudgingly turned back to Derpy, glancing over the new orange bubble quickly before turning away to sulk in embarrassment.

“Congratulations – you got new butt-spot. I’m thrilled for you.” She shot a withering glance at Applejack, who was now doubled over in both laughter and pain.

Derpy smirked, elated at being able to finally be able to joke with other ponies in such a casual manner. She knew they were accepting her, but being allowed this level of teasing gave her much more confidence that she truly had friends rather than mere tolerance.

“Yeah, but it’s a nice butt-spot, and I like it,” she said mischievously, a grin crossing her face.

Rainbow Dash settled back on one of the few chairs remaining upright, muttering under her breath. After a few minutes of sulking, though, her attention turned to watching Derpy busy herself around the room, though she made a conscious effort to avoid looking at the mare’s flank. Though she hadn’t noticed initially, as Rainbow Dash looked around the room, she noted that it definitely didn’t look the same as when she left.

The library truly did appear vastly different from a short time ago. After Derpy had her talk with Applejack, she felt slightly better, and had taken to picking up the mess Twilight had left as best she could. For Derpy, the tree had become more of a home to her than her own cloud house, and she felt an obligation to keep it somewhat clean. True, the chore was never-ending with Twilight’s constant removal of books from their resting places, but Derpy figured that if Spike could keep it clean, she could, too.

She found it mildly amusing how a pony so obsessed with neatness and order could consistently make such a mess, but somehow there was a balance between the unicorn’s two extremes. She thought again about Spike had managed all this time. It might actually be nice for her to get used to cleaning; she was sure the dragon could use some help now and then.

She flitted about moving pieces of furniture back to their original places, picking up books, and, after she had found the cleaning closet, swept up the remains of many burnt books. On occasion, Derpy would notice a damaged book that wasn’t quite unrecognizable, and she thought it might be a nice surprise for Twilight in the future to have some of her precious lost books replaced. She brought them over for Rainbow Dash to catalogue the titles, while Applejack continued to rest her sore shoulder.

Rainbow Dash continued to eye Derpy between the occasional book retrievals, and her curiosity finally got the better of her.

“Derpy? Um, not to be, you know, rude or anything, but how in Equestria are you cleaning this up so fast? I thought, you know, your sight was still kind of… off.”

Derpy paused. The question was certainly a valid one – even now, once that Rainbow Dash brought it up, she found it more difficult to focus and nearly tripped over something directly in front of her, earning a snicker from the cyan pegasus. Applejack shot Rainbow Dash a dirty look from her spot resting off to the side.

“I guess as long as I’m not focusing on it, I do better,” she thought out loud. “I mean, I still read terribly, and my flying is horrible, but I can sort mail well enough, and on the ground I don’t seem to have much of a problem.” She blushed slightly. “And I guess I share Twi’s gift of organization – at least, as long as I’m not thinking about it.”

Rainbow Dash went back to thinking as she watched Derpy clean. Derpy was awkward at first, but her coordination improved after a few minutes of instinctive work.

After watching the rapid improvement in Derpy’s coordination, Rainbow Dash suddenly spoke. “So, if your vision doesn’t really throw you off when you’re not concentrating on it, and when it was normal you couldn’t even walk straight no matter what, why is making your eyes better so big of a deal to you?”

Rainbow Dash's insight froze Derpy to the spot. Applejack perked up at the question, watching Derpy’s face intently as the pegasus mulled over the thought.

Derpy’s brow furrowed initially; she slowly sank to the ground as her mind reeled over the innocent but profound question. Her lifelong dream was to be normal, to be just like everypony else, but why was that her dream? Her demeanor lightened slightly, and her eyes drifted closed in contemplation. She wanted to be normal because she never fit. Nopony thought she was worth their time because of her eyes, and that had shaped her entire outlook. Nothing would ever be right for her, nothing would resolve until her eyes conformed to what everypony thought they should be.

Except, that was wrong – it was completely wrong. She had fallen in love and was loved in return, and her eyes had not prevented it. She had met wonderful ponies who shared in joy, understanding, and pain alongside her, and her eyes had not prevented it. She had been accepted fully as a dear friend by the holders of the Elements of Harmony, the most respected and honored ponies in all Equestria, trusted by Princess Celestia herself, and her eyes had not prevented it. And tonight, one of those friends had risked her own life to protect Derpy, and her eyes had not had any part in the decision.

Derpy’s face softened in serenity. Her disability was an inconvenience and nothing more. She had focused her entire life on what she could not do, and blamed it on her eyes. Now, she was able to see what her life could become, and her vision had no bearing on that potential. Her eyes opened slowly, peace resting over her like it never had before.

For once, she could look at her life with fondness for the future, whether her eyes were normal or not. They would not limit her. Not anymore. She genuinely smiled, trying not to cry at the most comforting personal moment she had ever experienced. Tranquility held her as she looked from Rainbow Dash to Applejack.

Her voice trembled with her revelation. “It’s not a big deal. In fact, it doesn’t matter at all – I’ve never been happier than I have been after meeting all of you, regardless of what my eyes have been like.” Her eyes shone; skewed as usual, but with a brightness they had not ever seen from Derpy before. Her heart swelled with emotion as she knew what the answer to Rainbow Dash’s question was.

“I don’t need my eyes to get better. I just need you girls for friends.”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash gave each other pleased looks. “Welcome to the magic of friendship, sugarcube,” Applejack beamed. “We ain’t got an extra Element of Harmony for ya, but ya ain’t gonna need it anyway. Ya got six of your own, in your own special way,” she concluded, indicating the cutie mark adorning the pegasus’ flank.

All three ponies looked toward the cutie mark, though Derpy had some difficulty seeing it through her joyful tears. As they looked, however, a flash lit the room, startling the trio. Derpy’s cutie mark had erupted in a fierce flare of light, and as both Applejack and Rainbow Dash turned from the blinding gleam, they felt a warmth pass through their own cutie marks, bringing with it a surge of emotion for their newest friend.

The flash faded out of view, and they stared at it intently. A light shimmer remained over all the bubbles Derpy’s flank held, and a final change had taken place. The last bubble had changed, a shimmering thin blue outline was all that remained of its original form. The center had turned gray, though slightly darker in hue than Derpy’s coat to accentuate the mark, and it was edged by a beautiful blonde representation of her own mane.

Derpy started awestruck at the mark. “I was the final bubble… my cutie mark was waiting for me to accept myself…”

Applejack hobbled over from the couch, and Rainbow Dash flew straight to Derpy; the two of them encircled her in a tight embrace. Applejack winced in pain through the hug, but the joy of the moment outweighed her discomfort.

“Ah felt it when it appeared, Derpy. It made my cutie mark glow with warmth, and Ah never wanted to hug ya more in my life than Ah did just now,” Applejack admitted.

“Ok, so I know it sounds kinda weird for me to say it,” Rainbow Dash tensely added, “but I… I felt the same way. I felt like there was a connection or some sort of bond that cemented us together just now.”

Derpy’s smile widened, and she returned the hug to her friends with overflowing joy. They stayed in a tight embrace for minutes, until a slightly nervous voice came from the stairs.

“Uh, am I catching you guys at a bad time?”

Applejack looked up to see Spike standing outside the bedroom door, rubbing his head with one clawed hand as the other clutched a thick, tightly rolled scroll. She shook her head at him, releasing the others and looking toward Derpy. “Derpy, Ah think Spike’s got somethin’ for ya that probably needs readin’.”

Spike nodded, walking slowly down the stairs and coming to a stop next to Derpy. “Princess Celestia sent this for you earlier. Sorry it took me a while to get it to you, but it’s addressed directly to you, and by the time you got here, everything was going wrong already.” He placed the thick scroll in her hoof, the immaculate handwriting plainly spelling her name on the missive.

Derpy gazed in shock at the letter, amazed that Princess Celestia herself would send her a personal message. Her friends gave her a moment to recover from her astonishment, and as her tension appeared to diminish, they all took seats around her. Slowly, trembling, she unfurled it, and began to read.

****************

My dear Derpy,

I am very sorry that my first opportunity to speak with you has to come in the form of a letter. I very much would have liked to meet you face to face, give you my congratulations, and thank you for the joy you have brought to Twilight. It is obvious to me that she cares a great deal about you, and a close, caring relationship is the one thing that she has never had the joy of knowing before.

My words of congratulations and thanks, however, need to be cut short, as my purpose in this letter is of utmost importance. I have sent letters to both you and Twilight at the same time in hopes that you would read them as closely together as possible, though their contents and purposes are quite different. The first thing you must know is that using Twilight’s vision spell on you is being forbidden. For the moment, the only reason she needs to know is that it has been deemed too risky.

I know and love Twilight like a daughter, and I can only imagine how she will react to this news. I fear it will not be pleasant. That is my reason for postponing the announcement in her letter until the very end, while being up front with the subject in your letter. I need you to anticipate a very negative response from Twilight, and to negate it, if at all possible. In the event that she reacts poorly and is not to be dissuaded from anger, please be patient and understanding with her. If she offends anypony by responding with hostility, please forgive her as best you can.

While Twilight is not being told the reasons for the ban on her spell, I deem it necessary that you know all of them. If we were to give her the information I am about to reveal to you, she would likely be stricken with heartbreaking grief and regret. You, on the other hoof, are, in effect, her patient, and must know everything about how the spell came to be and what it is capable of doing. In fact, the delay between Twilight’s letter to me and these responses was necessary because that entire time was spent finding and researching everything possible about the spell; everypony in the royal medical staff was put on duty looking for any information regarding it, and Luna and I also joined in the hunt.

The material we sought was found in the history of medical research sections, long forgotten to time, and for good reason. Magical medicine was crude in its infancy, and involved much trial and error – repeat the spell in question over and over, and make notes on mistakes as they occur. This particular spell’s age was archaic, and at the time it was written, many ponies were severely injured by the spells meant to treat them. This spell is no different from the others in its time. The copy existed in the archives for one reason only – for students to understand the danger associated with medicine, and unfortunately this was not known to Twilight.

I suppose I shall start with the most personal of the notes we found. According to Twilight’s notes, her initial cast of the spell caused you to go blind, due to her horn not touching your forehead. In our own research, we found that this mistake would cause the patient to feel a pulling, burning feeling in their eyes during the casting. I am not sure if this is something you told her or not, but I am confident that is a fairly accurate description of how it felt to you. What your scroll did not mention, however, was that if Twilight had been a mere yard farther from you and cast the spell identically, the pulling and burning would have ended with your eyes being ripped from their sockets. I am sorry to have to put it so bluntly, but this is the truth behind the spell, and you need to know how much danger you had been in.

Derpy paused in the letter; her face blanched at that information, and she felt sick to her stomach. However, she had to keep reading, no matter how sick it made her.

I will not go into details of how the spell was miscast each time, but know that each outcome came from an easily made mistake. Anything - from a slight distraction, to sneezing, to itching a muzzle while casting - caused a disastrous mistake, usually resulting in physical bodily harm to the patient. Eyes were gouged, torn, swelled until they popped, and several poor souls… well, let’s just say they lost body parts in painful ways that did not allow them to survive.

I truly do trust Twilight’s ability, and am amazed that she was able to successfully cast the spell once already, but you know as well as both Twilight and I that the spell requires multiple casts. I am not willing to put you at that kind of risk, and I feel if Twilight knew the spell’s disastrous history and possible consequences, she would have destroyed the spell the instant she found it.

Do not give up hope, but do not actively seek it, either. There may be another spell in existence that could help. We are searching, but as of yet we have not found one. I will keep my staff seeking an alternative, and have informed them to give this pursuit priority over all other research. Until then, I am afraid, you will have to continue living as you have.

I humbly request that you withhold this information from Twilight unless it is deemed necessary, for her sake. I also request that, should any significant events develop, you inform me through letter as quickly as possible. Communication on this issue is crucial.

I am not concerned that Twilight may become upset with me; in fact, I expect that she will, and it would no doubt be terrible to see. However, I am very concerned that she may push ahead with the spell regardless of what I say.

My dear Derpy, you have become the most important pony in Twilight’s life. Keep yourself safe at all costs – for your own sake, and for Twilight’s.

We will continue our search for alternatives; all I ask is you stay safe and let me know of developments as they happen.

Yours most truly,

Princess Celestia


Derpy slowly rolled up the parchment, her face as white as a sheet and her gut wrenching. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike sat mutely around her, faces caught between surprise, horror, and a violent urge to vomit. They sat in stunned silence, until the door slowly opened, and Twilight Sparkle entered even more slowly, her head bowed and her expression repentant.

****************

All eyes turned toward Twilight Sparkle’s shamed figure, plodding slowly and silently into the library. Her eyes were drooped, half-lidded and lined with regret; beneath them, tearstains could clearly be seen streaking her cheeks. Her gaze was constantly downward, not daring to look any of her friends in the eye. She didn’t deserve to receive a second chance, and she would not speak unless given the opportunity to do so.

Her friends mutely watched her walking, exchanging worried and sympathetic looks with each other. They knew their friend well enough to know exactly how she was thinking, that her heart was aching with blame and guilt. She recognized her own failings, and when faced with them, every trace of her self-worth was lost to their accusations. Forgiveness was her only chance at redemption, and they knew she expected none.

Twilight continued her slow journey through the room; every so often her eyes would lightly shut, her inward reflection reminding her that she had no right to be there. She walked past her friends with humility, not able to bear approaching them on her own. She reached the far end of the room, and sat, facing the wall. Her body slumped, defeated, and her head never raised. She sat in isolation, waiting for the inevitable chastising, the scorn and derision to come from her best friends, sealing her fate as a detested and unwelcome monster in their midst.

It was in this mindset that she waited, poised to cringe at the oncoming verbal assault, though it never came. Instead, a pair of hooves clasped themselves around her neck, and she could feel warmth pressed against her back, a cheek meeting her own in a comforting embrace. Though she still sat with closed eyes, she heard the light sounds of hooves coming to a stop on both of her sides, and the soft padding of dragon feet accompanying the hoofsteps on her right. Her heart rose slightly, unwilling to believe in forgiveness, but unable to deny the tight embrace she was receiving from behind. A slight sniffle escaped her muzzle, and she fell silent again.

A small voice came from the pony embracing her from behind – not derisive or angered, but full of compassion and empathy.

“Twilight,” Derpy spoke softly, her hooves encircling her marefriend as she kept her cheek pressed against the unicorn. “I love you very much; we all do.”

A murmured assent came from Twilight’s left and right as a tear made its way down her face, following the trail left by the streams she had cried earlier. Derpy leaned close, nuzzling the tear away, then pulled herself away, sliding around Twilight and sitting down directly in front of her. The unicorn kept her head bowed and eyes shut.

Derpy took Twilight’s chin in her hoof and lifted the unicorn’s face to be level with her own. Once again she spoke, her voice a little louder, but still full of concern.

“Twilight, we all love you. Nothing will change that. Ever.”

Twilight opened her eyes, looking Derpy directly in the face. Twilight’s eyes shimmered with emotion, threatening to overflow again at any minute. She tried to speak, but only a choked noise came out. Once again she tried, managing to eke out a single word.

“How?”

Derpy smiled warmly at her, then grasped her in a tight embrace, prompting Twilight to begin crying heavily. She stroked a hoof through Twilight’s mane, attempting to give her some comfort.

“We know you weren’t trying to hurt us. You just couldn’t control your magic, and we can’t blame you for that.”

Twilight sniffed and pulled back slightly, looking at Derpy with a mixture of confusion and wonder.

Derpy continued, “Applejack told me about how you lost control in the same way when you applied for magic school – how you had trouble keeping control when you were under extreme stress. How can I be mad at you for losing control now, then? I can’t think of anything that could have stressed you out any more.”

Twilight gave her a weak smile. “I’m just… I’m so sorry – I didn’t just lose control of my magic, I lost my temper entirely. I made a terrible decision to use that spell, and instead of accepting responsibility for it, I blamed Princess Celestia for it just so I could feel better about it. And then, you said you would give it all up for me… and I threw it back in your face. I stubbornly refused to give up, even when you gave up all your hopes so I could be happy.”

Twilight shook her head in disgust at herself. “I’ll listen to whatever you want to do, Derpy. No matter what it means, I’ll listen. Just, please, don’t resent me for failing you. I failed at finding you an appropriate spell, I failed to keep your safety my top concern, and I failed at accepting your decision when it mattered most.”

Derpy pulled Twilight back into a hug and gave her a slight whap on the back of her head. “Silly pony.” She giggled. “You didn’t fail me. You just didn’t make all of the best choices, and nopony can be right all the time. And I am perfectly happy with my eyes messed up just as they are, as long as it means I’m with you.”

Twilight pulled back again, looking deeply into Derpy’s eyes at her statement. “Are you absolutely sure about that?”

Derpy grinned. “Well, if a perfect solution throws itself at us I don’t think I’d complain, but…” She stood, turning to the side in front of Twilight. “I think that this tells me that I’m fine with myself the way I am.”

Twilight stared in awe at the cutie mark in front of her, before tackling Derpy with a squeal and a flurry of kisses while Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike looked away in embarrassment.

Derpy was overjoyed to see the unicorn happy again, and the wordless display of affection made her heart race. After a moment’s thought, Derpy’s mind drifted to the reactions both Applejack and Rainbow Dash had mentioned when her own bubble had changed. She paused, pushing herself away from Twilight slightly, catching the unicorn’s eyes with the twinkle in her own.

“Twilight? Earlier, while you were out, did anything feel odd with your cutie mark?”

The unicorn looked both puzzled and surprised at the question – it was a peculiar question, seemingly coming out of nowhere, but she had, in fact, felt something strange as she made her way back to the library. She cocked her eye curiously at Derpy.

“Actually, it did feel kind of weird. It felt like my cutie mark was giving off heat. I figured it was because I was running.” She looked warily at Derpy. “Why do you ask?”

Derpy giggled a little and snuggled close to Twilight again. “Applejack and Rainbow Dash felt the same thing when my cutie mark changed. It feels like it connected me to the rest of you, somehow – like I fit perfectly with all of you.”

Twilight leaned forward and closed her eyes, placing her forehead and muzzle on Derpy’s. “Now who’s the silly pony?” A placid smile played across her lips. “You do fit.”