The Find
July [REDACTED] 20[REDACTED], Middle of [REDACTED], Nevada 18:[REDACTED] Local Time
Mobile Task Force Nu-1 “Cause and Effect”, Mobile Task Force Zeta-9 “Mole Rats”, and [REDACTED] Omega-8 “Armored Souls”
Orders- Locate and investigate a cave in the middle of the [REDACTED] that has been showing extranormal activity. Activities reported include distortion of gravity, distortion of dimensional laws, and [REDACTED]. Teams are to enter the cave and explore till [REDACTED] is found. The [REDACTED] is believed to be around [REDACTED] clicks underground. No classification is to be given until further investigation is done. Team is to include at least [REDACTED] researchers, [REDACTED] security personal, [REDACTED] D Class personal, and [REDACTED].
“So what were the exact coordinates for this cave again?” Asked Nu-1-3, “Chrono”, with a sigh as the Foundation Humvee sped through the sandy dunes.
“Should be just a couple more klicks away” responded Nu-1-6, “Quantum”, as he turned his teams Humvee toward the target cave.
The combined task force consisting of members from Nu-1, Zeta-9, and Omega-8 were enroute via Foundation Troop Humvees to the cave that they were assigned to investigate. Eight members of each team were picked to go on the research mission. The three Humvees barreled through the sandy dunes toward their target which was starting to come into sight.
“I’m guessing that’s the cave we are supposed to investigate” said Zeta-9-3, “Sandy”, as she adjusted her helmet on her head.
“I just want to know why we have to bring those quiet guys with us” she stated, referring to the Humvee that belonged to the members of the mysterious Omega-8 force.
“I’m more interested as to what is in that cave that has all the overseers all riled up.” Stated Zeta-9-2, “Grave-Digger”, as he looked towards the small rock formation with an opening near the center bottom.
As the team approached the cave they noticed that the area around the cave seemed off. It looked as if the reality itself was being warped as they got closer to the cave.
“I am really beginning to wonder why command decided to take away the class ds’ right before we left” questioned Nu-1-7, “Magnet”.
“The only thing you should be wondering is how prepared you are for this” yelled Nu-1-1, “Pulse”, through the com system imbedded his helmet. As the Humvees closed the last few klicks all the long range com systems started to fail.
“Zeta-9 lead do you read” asked Pulse through the short range com system.
“Aye Nu-1 lead. Though it seems our radio with command has gone out.” Replied Zeta-9-1 “Trench” as he checked all channels on the long range radio.
“Well this does fit the description of some of the activities that have been said to go on here.” Said Pulse. “We should probably do a final head count after we get to the cave to make sure everyone is ready.”
“Copy that Nu-1 lead” said Trench.
The Humvees closed the distance to the cave entrance and slid to a stop in the loose sand. As each team exited their Humvee they sounded off and started final preparations for the operation. As their turn came up in their force they responded correctly. In order from Nu-1-1 to Zeta-9-8 is Pulse, Portal, Chrono, Mirage, Spectrum, Quantum, Magnet, Black Hole for Nu; Trench, Grave-Digger, Sandy, Hole, Picks, Ore, Crystal, and Stasis for Zeta. After everyone was accounted for and confirmed that they were ready the three team leaders met up for a final overview of the plan.
“So,” Began Pulse “we are to go into the cave, split up into groups of two and find the main chamber. After which we contact Omega for them to come down and set up while we rally up in the main chamber.” As he finished he got a thumbs up from Trench and a small nod from Omega lead.
“Just leave the exploring to us” said Trench as he paired up with Pulse. As both team leaders looked at their men in their different sets of armor, Nu with their light blue full body armor that was designed to null the effects of abnormities in time and space, Zeta with their dark brown light body armor that was designed to help illuminate dark areas and see in the dark, and Omega with a mix of very heavy armored personal and lightly armored personnel all with black full body armor.
As the combined force paired together with their same numbered counter-part they all started toward the entrance to the cave. As they each went in they noted that they felt a feint force, and felt as if they got a little lighter.
“You sure you won’t float away” jested Chrono to his temporary partner Sandy.
“I’d be more worried about myself if I were you. You’re skinnier than SCP-068” Sandy joked back. The group split up and started to search the cave for the main chamber. As each group got closer to the supposed center they felt the strange force get stronger and stronger. After around 3 hours of searching team 4 rounded a corner and saw a strange opening in the wall of the cave. As they entered the hole the two could not believe what they saw. It was a huge room that looked like it was big enough to put at least a three story house into it. The walls were adorned with jewels of all kinds, even some they have yet to see.
“So do you think this is the main chamber” asked Mirage.
“Of course it must be the main chamber. How does this place even exist, it defies natural physics” Stated Hole.
“Well one of the activities was dimensional distortion. But what is causing it, is it these strange gems or what” questioned Mirage. As Hole called the other teams to give them the coordinates, Mirage started to move toward a strange object in the center of the room. As he approached he noticed different statues, an archway in the middle of an etched circle with glyphs all around it, and a strange jewel imbedded on the top of the arch.
As he studied the statues he noticed there was one of a man holding his arms, three of the statues had a small horse though one had a horn and another had wings while the other was just a regular one, one had a Griffon in a calmed stance, one of a dragon in a calmed stance, and the only other one that could be made out was of a tall regal looking horse that had both a horn and a set of wings. As he studied the statues he was drawn to the jewel in the arch. He felt the strange force more the closer he got to it.
“Hey Hole” he called out to his partner.
“What is it” Hole asked.
“I think I might have found what is causing all this, or at least the strange force. It’s that jewel up there. You must know what kind it is right” Mirage asked hopefully.
“Well,” Hole began “the arch seems too made out of some kind of obsidian and the jewel appears to be some kind of jewel mixed with what appears to be a philosopher’s stone type jewel. I don’t quite know what jewel it is mixed with” Hole concluded with a nod of his head.
Just as Hole finished his sentence the other teams and Omega started filing in. As the heavy Omegas set up at the only entrance to help make sure that no one got in, Mirage filled in the leaders about what they had found so far.
“Strange Jewel and statues huh” said Pulse as he looked at the strange formation in front of him. “Well it seems to be the only real thing here. It must do something interesting then. And it must do with that jewel. As for the statues they just seem like mythological creatures. A Unicorn, Pegasus, Griffon, and even an Alicorn. Still we must find out exactly what this does before we report it back to command.” Concluded Pulse with a look of interest. “All right let’s start testing on this. As of right now this object is to be known as SCP-1946. Proceed with caution.” Pulse stated.
Meanwhile in another dimension
The light from the high sun was almost completely blocked out by the dense foliage of the Everfree Forest as a small figure walked down an old desolate trail. The figure in question resembled the shape of a miniature horse with a horn affixed to the center of the forehead. The miniature unicorn creature continued down the path that it seemed to know from memory. As the lavender figure approached its designation, a small tribal hut, it noticed that its usual occupant seemed to be absent from the hut. As the figure started to look around she noticed hoof prints going from the lone hut towards a deeper part of the forest. The lavender figure decided to investigate to see if she could find where the occupants’ current location was.
As she continued to follow the trail she walked into a small patch of light emitting from a break in the heavy foliage overhead. The small lavender unicorn, named Twilight Sparkle, looked up briefly towards the sunlight before continuing onwards toward what she hoped was the occupant of the hut, a zebra known as Zecora. As Twilight approached a clearing that looked familiar she saw Zecora staring at an object in the distance with what looked to be fear on her face. Twilight approached the frightened zebra with a look of worry on her face.
“Is everything all right Zecora” questioned a worried Twilight.
“Something strange I do perceive, of forces that do writhe and seethe, of forgotten times I do presume, forcame this aura which brings us gloom” answered the frightened herbalist.
“What do you mean Zecora? Where is this aura that has you so shaken up” asked Twilight with a hint of fear starting to break through into her voice.
“Within the old castle there should lie, the source of what displeases you and I.” stated Zecora, the fear in her voice rising as she raised a hoof towards a distant object. Twilight followed her hoof to see the Royal Sisters old castle, but something seemed off about it. There seemed to be some kind of aura surrounding the castle. The aura didn’t seem evil, it just seemed a bit more foreign then the ones she was used to seeing.
“That is odd” stated Twilight, her gaze not breaking on the old castle. “Zecora what do you think it is” Twilight asked, the fear once again returning to her voice.
“For what this is I do not know, but it had not appeared eons ago” Stated the zebra.
“Then shouldn’t we investigate this Zecora” asked the unicorn, the fear in her voice being replace with hope momentarily.
“I plead that you do not approach, for these dark forces which do encroach, may only act as it does seem, if somepony were to intervene” said the Zebra as she turned around and galloped back towards her tribal hut.
“Wait Zecora, what do you mean by that. How do you know all this” yelled Twilight towards Zecora, who was already out of earshot.
“I wonder what that aura is and why does it feel so strange” she asked herself, hoping to find some kind of answer. Unfortunately for her, none came.
“There is only one thing I can do. I will gather my friends and investigate this strange occurrence at once” Twilight stated boldly as she started to run back to the trail that lead to the exit of the Everfree forest. As she ran Twilight took one last glance at the castle, noticing the aura was a little heavier than before. “I better hurry” she said as she got back onto the trail.
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Great fic... Problem is it's overwhelming to read to to WALLS OF TEXT
It'll be easier if you make a new paragraph each time someone speaks..
Now:
As the team approached the cave they noticed that the area around the cave seemed off. It looked as if the reality itself was being warped as they got closer to the cave. “I am really beginning to wonder why command decided to take away the class ds’ right before we left” questioned Nu-1-7, “Magnet”. “The only thing you should be wondering is how prepared you are for this” yelled Nu-1-1, “Pulse”, through the com system imbedded his helmet. As the Humvees closed the last few clicks all the long range com systems started to fail. “Zeta-9 lead do you read” asked Pulse through the short range com system. “Aye Nu-1 lead. Though it seems our radio with command has gone out.” Replied Zeta-9-1 “Trench” as he checked all channels on the long range radio. “Well this does fit the description of some of the activities that have been said to go on here.”
With edits
As the team approached the cave they noticed that the area around the cave seemed off. It looked as if the reality itself was being warped as they got closer to the cave.
“I am really beginning to wonder why command decided to take away the class Ds’ right before we left” questioned Nu-1-7, “Magnet”.
“The only thing you should be wondering is how prepared you are for this” yelled Nu-1-1, “Pulse”, through the com system imbedded his helmet. As the Humvees closed the last few clicks all the long range com systems started to fail.
“Zeta-9 lead do you read” asked Pulse through the short range com system.
“Aye Nu-1 lead. Though it seems our radio with command has gone out.” Replied Zeta-9-1 “Trench” as he checked all channels on the long range radio.
“Well this does fit the description of some of the activities that have been said to go on here.”
-----------------
Just makes things look nicer. I look forward to more chapters.
I agree with the first comment. It's pretty hard to read if you cram the dialogues into the paragraphs.
"It is just another day working for the Foundation, right?"
A trans-dimensional portal that leads to the world of My Little Pony?
Yeah that's just another day at the office for the Foundation. They've got waaaaaaaaay crazier shit hanging around.
There is actually an OFFICIAL rule on the guidelines that forbids ponies, in any manner of media or appearance, to be related to any documents regarding or respective of the SCP foundation.
God rest your soul.
1552693 Thanks for pointing that out. This is my first fic and I am used to a little differnt writing style. I will fix it at once
1552818 Really? Where's that 'OFFICIAL' rule found?
1552846 on the website, google is your friend.
Although, it may just be for official documents. I was just noting it if anything.
The fic is very good btw.
Great fic, wonder what the task force will do in Equestria.
As far as the no ponies rule on SCP, the closest things I could find is this little page. So you probably don't need to worry about it.
This is a great premise. I'd love to see a well-done crossover with the SCP because there is just such a potential for disaster in the resulting clash of ideologies. It's very good for a first fic, though I do have some suggestions. Spacing out the dialogue will help a lot in terms of readability. And the writing is clunky in some areas. It feels like you are rushing the story to get to the "good stuff" and skipping some description and interaction. For example, you throw 16 new character names at us pretty much all at once. There is no description of the cave other than it seems "off" (off how?) until they get to the main room, and then it is very confusing. “the arch seems too made out of some kind of obsidian and the jewel appears to be some kind of jewel mixed with what appears to be a philosopher’s stone type jewel. I don’t quite know what jewel it is mixed with” -
? There are a few grammar issues. "Feint" is to make a misdirecting move, while "faint" refers to something hard to see. The military term "klick" is spelled with a k even though it is pronounced "click" because it is slang for "kilometer." Finding a beta reader would do wonders. I really hope that wasn't too harsh. I want to be encouraging, because I'd love to read the continuation of this! 
1552859
I looked, but didn't find anything. The only thing I found was an article related to MLP, so I guess this rule isn't really enforced.
Mind posting a link to the rule?
1553062 Very good points that both me and my pre-reader missed. I am trying to get used to writing fics and any help or critiques would be helpful. Thank you for pointing all that out, I will see if i can fix it and make sure it doesnt happen in future chapters
1553081 He may be referring to this line from the FAQ on the SCP site:
I didn't know about that, and I even have an SCP fic going. Either way, since we aren't making money off of our stories... I think that the author should be OK, and since he isn't claiming it to be his own universe.
1553156 yep, that's the one. Thanks.
If you think this isn't directly related to ponies, there is a notice for signing up which states
"PS - no ponies."
1553176 Ah yes, you are right. Never actually joined the site, so it may just be for the site itself, since there IS an SCP story regarding ponies on there floating around.
As an actual(albeit lowly) member of the SCP Wiki, I'd like to point out that any SCP with a designation below 100 is designated as "SCP-0XX", "SCP-00X", etcetera. Also, the story itself is quite eh. Some grammatical flops here and there, and the conversations feel rather dreary.
This story has potential, but I'd like to see it improved. No vote for now.
1553190 Links?
1566254 this is what I was referring to. LINK
The [REDACTED] shtick gets a [REDACTED] little annoying when you [REDACTED] keep [REDACTED] the damn [REDACTED]. Is there a way to black out sections like on the SCP [REDACTED] Wiki? At the very least, just say Classified and stop giving us only a [REDACTED] couple of [REDACTED] letters/words between [SUPER-REDACTED].
Faint, not feint. Lightheaded versus false advance.
This is one hell of a punctuation apocalypse. There are more symbols than just periods, you know!
Seriously? "Noticing reality warp as they got closer?" That seems like a generic and overly noticeable side-effect, especially if they haven't reached the site yet. What kind of reality bending? Strange colors in the air? Gravity changing? Chocolate rain?
"Can I put punctuation into a quote if the sentence isn't over yet?" asked Pinkie Pie.
"Yes, you can," answered Twilight. She was growing tired of providing dialogue examples and dialogue example accessories.
"Oh! Sweet. Thanks, Twily!"
"Don't mention it," groaned Twilight. "Seriously, just shut up."
If the man's arms have been severed, what is he holding them with? "His arms folded across his chest," you mean? The rest of this should be split into multiple sentences, preferably describing each statue individually and in more detail.
God dammit Hole, you broke science. Find real science-y terms. What type of jewel is a "philosopher's stone-type" jewel? (It's probably an SCP if you look hard enough.) Just admit you have no idea what it is.
What is this I don't even [MEGA-REDACTED]
1579069 I see your points. I origanlly had all the [Redacted] blacked out but it seems that FimFiction doesnt support that so my pre-reader suggested using [Redacted] instead. I won't really be using that format for later chapters and I hope I can find a way to make it blacked out.
I was never good with punctations and my pre-reader is more of a plot checker and overall checker. I am still looking for more of a true grammar checker to help me out with those kind of problems. And I tend to forget to add details every so often, but I am fixing that fact with help.
I didn't notice the statue problem, I will try my best to make sure it does not happen again.
Hole is not exactly a researcher, he is more of a security type role. It will be more appearent in later chapters.
And that line is what fit according to my pre-reader
I am still learning how to write in this style and criticism is appreciated, no matter how it is put
First , like the concept so far, and writing is not to bad, but you do have a few doozies in this chapter
This sentence:
“the arch seems too made out of some kind of obsidian and the jewel appears to be some kind of jewel mixed with what appears to be a philosopher’s stone type jewel. I don’t quite know what jewel it is mixed with”
you use the word "jewel" 4 times and the phrase "some kind of" twice, with a side of "I don't quite" - which causes a bit of rough reading.
Maybe something more like: "The arch seems to be made out of obsidian while the jewel appears to resemble that philosopher's stone we encountered a while back."
Please? Punctuation from here on out?
" A Unicorn, Pegasus, Griffon, and even an Alicorn. "
Since when are alicorns figures of myth?
4430027
A Unicorn, Pegasus, Griffon, and even [REDACTED]