Two Twilights?
"What? You are me? Are you scientifically possible?" Twilight asked, incredulously. "Where did you come from?"
'Yes, I am you, and I come from a world of humans, across a dimensional barrier. And before I woke up this morning, I too was a human, in this case a male one. The female human you see sitting in the chair next to Princess Celestia is my wife. Her name is Brenda. My human name is Michael," I explained matter-of-factly.
Twilight's expression was one of shock and disbelief, at least for a few moments as she processed this information -- and then she hit me with a barrage of questions in such a hurry that I could have sworn she had taken Pinkie Pie's mannerisms, causing me to chuckle a little at this. Princess Celestia made a nearly futile attempt to slow down her student's excitement to some degree.
"Please, Twilight, take a breath here. I know you must be fascinated by seeing a double of yourself, and even more so that he managed to cross dimensional barriers using teleportation, but his was a dire need. One of his wife's grand-children snapped off his horn," the Alicorn explained.
Twilight was shocked again that somepony would do such a dastardly deed and suggested that the guilty party be punished severely. "Who would do such a thing?" she asked, wide-eyed and mouth agape.
"Please, Twilight, the girl is just two years old. She thought I was a dog, and wanted to ride on my back. I succeeded in mending my horn, with the help of my wife. Teleporting here was sort of a last-best-hope fail-safe that if my magic failed, perhaps the Princess would have been able to help. That I managed to make it here is testament to the level of magical power you possess, and for that I am truly grateful."
"I possess that kind of power? Really? I didn't think such a powerful teleport spell was even possible," she said, still impressed that a human inhabiting her body could do such a thing.
"There is something truly special about him," Princess Celestia mused, exchanging glances between her student and me.
"Now that you're here, is there something you'd like to do?" asked Twilight, addressing me.
"I have an idea," I chuckled, flashing a mischievous grin. "I would like to pull a prank on Pinkie Pie and Rarity."
The lavender unicorn gave me a quizzical glance which lasted just a few seconds as she pondered my suggestion. She returned my grin as the gears in her head started churning at the prospect. "Sounds like a wicked idea, but since I have been pranked a few times by them, why not fill me in on this idea of yours."
"I figured what we would do is this: you would teleport over to Sugar Cube Corner and wait for me. My signal will be me calling your name, whereupon you come from hiding and just simply say "hi" to Pinkie Pie. I will also say "hi" to her as well. I'm curious to see her reaction to seeing two of us, which ought to be good for some laughs," I said, still grinning.
"I like the way you think, Mike," said Celestia. "I should like to watch this event as well, as I am in the mood for a few laughs myself." She smiles impishly for just a split-second, and then returns to her natural calmness.
"Why does your mane and tail billow like that, even though there's no wind in here?" asked Brenda. She seemed to just now take note of the Alicorn's ethereal mane and tail. I made a mental note to have her watch the show to get a better understanding of things once we got back home.
"Hey, Brenda, have you ever heard of something called the Solar Wind?" I asked her, giving her a smug grin.
"I was going to mention that," the Solar Princess stated in an annoyed tone of voice, addressing me with yet another disapproving glare.
"I beg your pardon, your Majesty," I intoned reverently, bowing my head.
"Your apology is accepted, Michael," she responded, returning to her serene smile.
"Mike, why do you let her call you by your human name, when you wanted me to call you Twilight?" my wife asked in exasperation. Her seeming frustration grated on my nerves.
"That's because the real Twilight is right here, but in our world, I am the only Twilight," I replied flatly, my attempt to give her a disapproving glare fell quite flat. She giggled at my futile attempt, causing the Alicorn to giggle as well.
"How do you know you're the only one?" Twilight asked me, as my answer started a new topic of interest for the unicorn. She pulled a fresh sheet of parchment from seemingly out of nowhere so she could take more notes.
"There seemed to be something I could sense, as though there were no others who were capable of using magic. A world full of humans, and none of them can use magic," I replied matter-of-factly.
"That is most interesting," mused the Princess.
"So when are we going to do the prank?" Twilight asked, almost impatiently, still grinning broadly.
"Do I have to come along too?" asked Brenda.
"Do not worry, Brenda, my teleportation is more refined than Mike's. With enough practice, he'll be able to do it without all the discomfort that comes with it. And anyway, I cannot wait to see the expression on Pinkie Pie's and Rarity's faces when they see two Twilight Sparkles," the Princess responded. She appeared to look slightly amused.
"Okay, I am going to teleport to your tree-house, and walk towards Sugar Cube Corner. You teleport to roughly an equal distance in the other direction, but a bit closer to Pinkie's place than me. If she catches you by surprise, tell her that you're looking to get one of those marzipan masterpieces the Cakes have become famous for. After we've confused her, we'll walk over to Carousel Boutique, and I'll knock first. Then you come up and say "hi" right after me. This'll be fun!"
"Oooh, you're so wicked!" Twilight giggled.
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Nice try.
1526218
You just love to hate on people, don't you?
1526218 tbh, I have to agree with 1526240 's sentiments. The comment's i've recently seen from you have been a tad disparaging.
Anyway, onto what I think of the story.
I like the concept. No, I LOVE the concept. A man becomes a pony, and has to deal with human life... as a pony, and all it comes with.
I've already seen a really well written one where a guy becomes Lyra, and has alot of problems. I just wish he stayed in the human world...
The problem is... you don't execute it that well. I couldn't really get into it. The guy just kinda' woke up as Twi, so I have no idea what he acted like beforehand, or what other things he did. Furthermore, I would think that his family would be more... surprised? livid? terrified? compassionate? They kinda' blow his condition off entirely. Then that leads to effectively an HiE, which does become a Bronies to Ponies story.
I'm personally looking forward to a story about a person who knows about bronies and MLP, and becomes a pony, to his utter dismay.
Anyway, I suggest expanding on just about everything and having characters react appropriately to the situation.
I like the concept, I just want to see it done better >.^
Ave,
Axôlú
1526240 No, just people who feel like they have to write in this genre. There has been a boom of these stories, and none of them good. There is a difference between critical and hatred.
1526290 Whatever. I just wish a good fic would show up now and then.
1526300 I may be misinterpreting your comment, but based on your 10+ favorites in the last 4 days, I think you've found plenty of good fics recently.
If you're talking about good HiE's, then yea, I can understand that...
1526325 Those fics are mostly older ones, or ones by already recognized authors but a few good ones do show up now and then.
But you're right, I should have phrased that differently: I wish a new good writer would show up. The stuff these people pump out is not good. It's been a particularly bad week for fics, I'm a bit pissed. Along with this sudden barrage of Brony/human becomes a pony fics, I've nearly lost faith in this site.
I felt like I just had to downvote, given what's been already said... The story starts with no idea of who this person was before being a pony. The transition doesn't make sense. And it all just comes across so painfully bland. Not to mention, the prose just feels thin in terms of lack of detail. I just don't like this at all-- sorry.
1526380
>I've nearly lost faith in this site.
Oh, goodness, I've had my faith gone for months upon months now-- it's like I lose faith more every single day even though that shouldn't be possible.
1526447 Fortunately you still write good things.
1526481
Thanks!
1526380 Agreed, after the first 'Why am I Pinkie Pie' fic and that one with Lyra... meh.
But as I said in my small semi-review, I'm still lookin' for that good knowledgeable non-brony Human becomes Pony and deals with social life.
I mean, if they were a highschooler, American society would force them to go, and probably send officers in search of them, in which they find an equine in place of the expected human. Likewise, if they held a job which required them to come in every day by law, same thing. Then the insanity would resume from there, assuming the author could find a way to get them into their school/job after the whole nasty legal process. Even so, under human laws, would a sentient (I'd like to say sapient, but I find it hard to with our scientific name being homo sapien, even though sapientia/sapeientiae is Latin for wisdom, and I'm going on a tangent) non-human species get the same treatment as a human, especially if they were human before?
I think it could get incredibly messy in the psychological/sociological/legal departments, something I haven't seen in any HbP (Human becomes Pony?) yet.
1526531 No problem, I really do mean it!
1526540 The whole absurdity, and the sheer amount of it is what turns me off. This trope has gone the same way as fallout equestria, and that pisses me off more than anything.
1526558 Fair enough. I personally dote on the absurd, so I guess it's just a matter of opinion >.^
1526576 It's not a funny absurd, it's a dumb absurd. It's just gotten irritating.
1526584 I meant absurd in general. I like absurd. To each their own.
Unleash the horde! Heads will roll! Villages will burn!
Good morning, young one. If it is possible for me to suggest, and I wish that you don't take any offense to my notions, but you have a few errors I would like to point out before initiating myself into reading this 'Twilight for a day' story.
First off, I would like to point out your title: Twilight for a Day
If I didn't know any better, you need to capitalize the 'for' in your title. The only words that you cannot capitalize in a title is on, of, the, is, or, and, and a. Unless there was some unique change in the English language during my absence, I do believe that is how the title should be properly titled.
Second, there are things I would like to point out in your description:
Child, a one-shot, if I am not mistaken from skimming the new 'slang' of the days, is when it is a one chapter story and nothing more. You explain everything in one chapter, and you leave it at that. If this were to be a 'one-shot' story, then you need to combine your chapters into one big chapter.
Lastly, that sentence of yours is a run-on sentence. You are not properly using the commas, and's, and explanation. How it should properly be written is like the following:
I hope this helps out a lot, my young friend. If you ever need any further assistance, you can let me know of your troubles. I am willing to help my citizens; of the people, by the people, for the people. Thank you.
Abraham Lincoln
:1527788 Thanks for the help. Will try to fix if/when I can. I meant to say that the whole story is a one-shot, broken into bite-sized pieces.
As for grammar/usage/punctuation, I thought I did fairly well. I don't have complete mastery of language, and my writing skills are quite rusty, given the fact I never wrote a term paper in High School, nor took any such courses in College. I tend to consider myself a stickler for spelling/grammar/usage as best I can. Thanks again.
-Mike
1528270 Indeed, your grammar/punctuation/usage is above fair, indeed. I am just here to help make sure everyone learn something new.
Abraham Lincoln
trollight strikes again with the help of her assistant trollmike
Oh, yeah, a truly realistic reaction...
2579673 Don't forget that Trollestia is also watching.