The colt stood by the sleeping foal who was still shivering, even though she was taken out of the cold half an hour ago. He sighed and joined his sister, Golden Chakra. She sat, hovering in mid-air, her horn glowing from concentration. He sat beside his sister, only he was sitting on the padded floor, looking around the room, which was dimly-lit by candles that he set out for his sister when she meditated. Hs sister had a golden coat just like his, only her mane was a different color. Instead of her mane being black, like his, hers was a combination of gold and red. It glistened in the light of the candles. He looked at his sister, who was sitting seemingly on the air, her eyes closed. He smiled. His sister was truly beautiful.
After a few minutes, the floating mare floated back to the floor, and she sighed. She opened her glistening violet-purple eyes and looked at the sleeping filly.
"Dinky, yes?" She asked in her soft, calm voice. The young colt nodded and looked from his sister to the foal, who was quivering slightly. He couldn't tell if she was having a bad dream or shivering, but either way he started bringing his hoof to her mane to stroke it, meaning to calm her. Golden Chakra placed her hoof on top of his. He looked up at her, and saw her shake her head ever so slightly. He sighed.
"Why did you do it?" She asked, he voice not sounded the least bit sarcastic. He liked that. His father always used sarcasm with him and his sister, and never seemed interested in what they had to say. Golden Chakra nudged her younger brother with her muzzle,her horn slightly touching his own, creating a spark from her recent magic use. Valiant Literature sighed and turned his small body to face his older sister's grown body. He felt puny compared to her.
"I did it because I thought she looked...." Valiant Literature looked at Dinky, and felt a chill run down his spine. "She looked lost. Like she had lost all hope. She seemed like she was okay with being on death-road. I didn't want to say goodbye. Not yet." His sister looked at him funny, raising one of her eye brows up high and the other one down low. Valiant corrected himself. "Not EVER." He said. He saw his sister's face crack and they both burst into quiet giggles. His sister was so cute when she laughed, even though she hardly did it. They both sighed and turned back to the sleeping foal, and Golden Chakra adjusted herself so she was sitting on the knees of her legs, her front legs resting on the thighs.
Valiant Literature looked at her, and thought about how he found Dinky. He remembered trotting through Pnyville because he had trouble sleeping, and the blizzard completely caught him by surprise. He galloped harder and harder, finding it more and more difficult to see. He finally saw the street lamp that pointed down the road to his home, when he saw a grey body laying in the snow bank on the side of the road. He trotted over quickly to check it out, and saw it was Dinky!he touched his hoof to her face, finding it to be ice-cold. "She's been out here for hours!" He thought to himself. "How is she still living?!" He used his magic to levitate her body on his back, and used the strongest magic he knew to teleport himself to his house, where he fell from the immense weight of the sleeping filly.
Valiant Literature cowered at the memory. He was so frightened that he lost his first-love, and now she won't wake up. He had fallen asleep from the effort it took to teleport to home from such a long distance, and when he awoke, his sister was meditating, using her magic to reach into the filly's subconscious and find out who she was. And Valiant was sure that she found out a little more. At least, he hoped she did.
"Why... Why was she out there?" Valiant Literature asked, shaking as he spoke the words slowly and carefully. Golden Chakra turned to her brother, who was cowering at what was clearly a bad memory. His pupils were the size of pins and she felt herself getting stressed. She carefully colored her eyes ad felt herself lifting slightly, meditating to find out about the filly while listening to her brother's words. This took a great amount of effort.
"Why would she leave the safety of her mother's home? She was safe, she was happy, why? Why would she think to run away?" Golden Chakra listened to her brother, and knew he w referring to when their father was here, before he left. Before... Before he died.
Golden Chakra gasped and fell to the floor. She held her head in her hooves, as she processed the memories of the young filly. She turned to her brother slowly, shaking and cowering.
"Lit.... She..." She stuttered on the words, her mane standing on it's ends. "She has no mother. Her mother was taken away." She spoke the words, her voice quivering. Her head hurt terribly, as she visioned the foal's memories. She saw everything. The near-death experience, the guards, even the fight between her and a lavender-coated mare with a horn. She saw everything the filly saw, and she disliked it. She never wanted to see things like that again, but here she was, experiencing it. She hardly noticed her brother's reaction, and he was looking at his sister worriedly.
"Chakra! Calm down! It's over! He's gone!" He said, his voice reaching a volume he didn't mean it to reach. He put a hoof around his sister's shoulders, and she flinched at first and relaxed. Her breathing slowed down.
"I'm sorry, Lit. I didn't want you to see that..." She said, lowering her ears in embarrassment. She took a breath an let it out slowly, looking at the foal who had stopped quivering and was sleeping peacefully. "It's just... Her memories. They reminded me so much of when our father was still here. When he..." Chakra was unable to speak the words. They made her relive the moment.
"When he beat us." Valiant said gravely, completing her sentence for her. Chakra nodded and smoothed her mane with her hoof tiredly.
"He always acted so kind.... He was happy, mom was happy, heck, even WE were happy!" She chuckled, but it quickly faded. "And then he started drinking. All the daisy wine... It practically became a smell that came with the house. There was no hiding... The yelling, the thrashing, and the banging. But the screaming... There was no escaping. I thought it would never end. I tried to cover you ears, but I knew you could hear it. You and I would quiver in our room, trying hard to get it out. Trying to keep it out, but If we ever interfered..." Valiant looked at the tear rolling down his sister's cheek. He didn't remember his father or mother at all. He was too young. Chakra turned and looked at her brother. "But that's beside the point. We need to make sure she gets where she needs to be. When she wakes up..." Chakra looked at her brother sternly and he nodded.
"When she wakes up, we take her home." Valiant Literature said understandingly.
Hey readers!
Just wanted to let you all know that Chapter Eleven (Chapter Twelve, according the the little chapter counter thing on the bottom ) is NOT the end of the story. Keep reading. I promise, you won't be disappointed!
Oh my goodness I am loving this story but umm it needs some minor edits nothing too much but just a little bit there are some formatting errors but they are not noticeable and it needs spaced out but besides that I love the story so keep up the great work
~TwilightxDashie~
Wow I dont know why you have more dislikes than likes this is such a great story eargar to watch u and read the new updates when they come out I will admit there are some parts I almost cried almost hopefully it wont be sadder than my little dashie cause I dont think I could handle dinky going through something like that
I'm gonna give you thumbs up cuz i like the story but i am seeing a few problems that bother me.
1 there seems to be space between chapters, its like reading a diary except i don't have all the pages so theres days missing so I have to assume that nothing happened but i find it hard to believe seeing as the story is about a character coping with day to day life with out her mother in the picture and having to live with an almost complete stanger
2 there's a lot of character jumping. first I'm following dinky then I'm following twilight but the twilight section is in first person (which confused me cuz i thought the story was suppose to be from dinky's perspective not twilight's) I need clarification on this so i can understand the story better
3 There may be miner spelling errors nothing major ( i cant remember right now)
4 the chapters are kinda short
5 (this is for my own benefit) I don't understand why neither twilight nor dinky mentioned derpy being taken away when Celestia came to ponyville . I would imagine that Twilight would say something and seeing as how Dinky was ready to walk out on twilight and even gave her a deadline for when she would be leaving, I can't imagine her not saying anything or at the very least asking if Celestia heard Dinky's prayer( if I was a kid and i prayed to a supreme being and that being showed up I would think that she was here to help me but maybe that's just me)
I like that Dinky did in fact leave although i find it hard to believe that Twilight upset or not would just let dinky go out in a snow storm especially without any cloths on.
I also like golden chakra and her brother and their back-stories I think that there should be more of them
1593594 thank you for the compliments! I'm just going to go over a couple of things really quick to shed some light on these statements you made:
Since Dinky is only a little filly, I sometimes have trouble building off of what I write. So I thought about how some of my favorite books (Like Maximum Ride, for example) switched perspectives a lot to sort of give more detail on the character's thoughts. I thought it was kind of hard to build the story just off of Dinky's thoughts. So I figured it would make it slightly easier on me to write from different perspectives. I understand that it might be hard to comprehend some of the switching, but I'm just going to let you in on a little hint: (this isn't meant to sound sarcastic at all, I'm genuinely trying to help)
The ones that are from Dinky's perspective kind of work differently since its from third person but yet still worded as if that is what she was saying. If you have read Bubbles, you would remember that it had the similar point of view, with slightly-childish wording but it isn't necessarily from Derpy's perspective.
The point of view that says "I" or "Me" is always going to be Twilight. I don't ever plan on changing the first person view to Golden Chakra or Valiant Literature, because I know that a few readers are already confused as it is. I apologize for the confusion, but this is how I would like my stories to be if I were reading them. (I watch a lot of anime, and I know that in anime they do A LOT of change of perspective to shed some light on some back-stories)
The third person point of view that seems slightly more intelligent would be based either vaguely or mainly around Chakra and Lit. I don't like putting slightly childish perspectives because I don't know how to "speak kid", if you understand what I mean. Writing, that is. I can relate to kids fairly well in real life, but I don't ever (and I mean EVER) plan on writing children stories. It's too hard for me. XD
And I know about the whole "Spacing out the paragraphs" thing. believe me, some guy was non-stop criticizing my work when his grammar was, frankly, lacking if not non-existent, if you know what I mean. however, I know that after I looked over what I had written what he meant, he just went about it the wrong way, making me sound and look like an idiot. But I promise you, each chapter will get better in grammar, I promise. (I'm a grammar nazi, so I often correct grammar of my friends on FaceBook, which often results in them going like this: )
And that last part I actually would like to discuss; I actually try to build Dinky's character as being slightly shy. Not necessarily Fluttershy-shy, but more like the kind of character who doesn't like to draw too much attention to themselves (on purpose). So when it came to Celestia appearing, I decided to not let so much information come to mind so early in the story. I often wait a few chapters whenever I write something to let something big and interesting happen. And since it was Celestia herself who decided to take Derpy away from Dinky, I was hoping people would be able to assume that Celestia got her prayer but ignored it because she didn't feel like Derpy was a fit parent, nad you can guess the rest. I dont personally hate Princess Celestia, I just felt like making her look like one of those ponies who is afraid of ponies who are unlike "normal" ponies.
Hints about the story: (for anyone who's interested! )
Golden Chakra is a pony to represent Buddhism of the 7 chakras. Golden Chakra represents the Solar Plexus Chakra, which is represented by the color yellow. Feel free to google the Solar Plexus Chakra for more information
Think about the title "Derpy's Return" for a second. ;)