Twilight Sparkle chewed nervously at the end of a quill, staring down at the parchment she was preparing to write on. She had it all set up. She had gotten the ‘product’ from Pinkie Pie. Apparently, the Cake’s had gone to Zecora seeking a medicine that would keep the bouncy pink pony more ‘level headed’. Twilight took that to mean ‘not bouncing off the walls constantly’.
But it was a strange herb that Twilight had never heard of. She had witnessed Pinkie Pie go from crazy to tame in just a few puffs, and after logging her observations on parchment, she had decided to try a small amount herself.
But actually going through with it was a completely different thing. It was mildly bothersome to her, to think that she would very soon be in the same state of mind as Pinkie Pie was. She had gone from bouncy and happy, to just... happy.
Twilight took another deep breath, steadying her nerves, reminding herself that this was purely scientific. She was logging her results carefully, to keep a record of the effects because, as far as she knew, there had never been a study conducted into the effects.
It was almost midnight. Twilight had chosen the time perfectly. Everypony would be asleep, so if she did anything silly, it would go unnoticed. Twilight waited until a minute before her grandfather clock would chime, to start the process happening. It was a very elegant process, burning the herb and then filtering the resultant smoke through a swirled tube of water, to remove impurities and keep ash from getting in the lungs.
As the grandfather clock began to chime, Twilight leaned in to inhale the vapours.
An acrid smell invaded the unicorn’s senses, and she wrinkled her nose hard, trying to finish inhaling before she began to cough and splutter, pulling back and making a face. Immediately, her eyes began to water and burn, and the world spun around her for several moments.
Immediately, Twilight pulled out her quill to begin recording notes.
The young unicorn stalked the night, her eyes puffy and red, her expression rather slack, with cookie crumbs visible on her chin. Her mission: cookies! Pinkie Pie had to have cookies!
A soft jingle rang throughout the deserted Sugar Cube corner as Twilight magicked the door open, sneaking inside, very proud of her skills in the art of stealth. In truth, the unicorn made quite a bit of noise, stumbling over to the display case, looking for cookies.
But Twilight became distracted partway there, her eyes widening as the glowing of her horn revealed the holy grail of all snack food: Cupcakes!
Individually frosted cupcakes stood underneath the glass, all neat and ordered, set into their rows. Some of them even had little faces made of sweets!
Twilight stared down at the lines of cupcakes, her eyes wide, mouth parted slightly, having to swallow once or twice as she drooled copiously. She leaned close to the display case, turning her head to the side and pricking an ear upwards, listening intently.
“Please Twilight, eat us!” the cupcakes said, their little voices comically high.
“Yes cupcakes, I’ll eat you!” Twilight assured, nodding earnestly down at the tasty treats.
The sound of movement down in Sugar Cube Corner woke Pinkie Pie up, and the violently pink pony rolled out of bed, picking up a lantern and making her way downstairs to make sure an animal hadn’t gotten in to eat the cakes again, as had happened just last month.
To her surprise however, her lamp revealed the huddled form of her unicorn friend Twilight, crouched over the display case, sobbing.
“Twilight?” Pinkie Pie asked, bewildered, stepping closer to the unicorn.
Twilight looked up at Pinkie Pie, her face streaked with tears and frosting, evidence of her cupcake genocide. The single survivor of her terrible reign was nestled close to the unicorn’s chest, held there firmly by a loving, tender hoof.
“I-I ate all his friends!” Twilight wailed, shaking her head in vain disbelief, trying her best not to look down at the display case, strewn with the blood (icing), and the severed limbs of the poor cupcake’s comrades. It was a morbid battleground, strewn with the evidence of Twilight’s terrible one-pony war waged on the cupcakes.
Bursting into fresh tears, Twilight sheltered the poor battered cupcake from the display case, comforting it. “D-don’t worry cupcake, it’s over, I promise! I won’t harm your kind any more! It’s over!”
Pinkie Pie just stared at Twilight, mouth parted in disbelief.
The door to Sugar Cube Corner opened again, and an irritable-looking Princess Luna stepped inside.
“Luna, thanks for coming!” Pinkie Pie breathed with a sigh of relief, shaking her head helplessly. “Please, can you do something? Twilight is about to declare war on the cakes!”
Luna gave a bewildered stare at the pink pony, before leaning to the side to peer past her, to where Twilight stood, with warpaint made of yellow cupcake frosting marking her cheeks and forehead. She had one hoof lifted, pointing at the display cases holding the cakes. “Yes Cupcake!” she declared, “We will claim the sovereignty of that side of the room for your people! So that you may repopulate the lands with your delicious brethren!”
“Is there something I need to know?” Luna asked suspiciously.
Pinkie Pie paused at that, obviously mulling the question over, before she cast a furtive glance left and right, and then leaned in to say quietly, “I... Uhm... Might have given her some... stuff that she wanted to try.”
“Stuff.” Luna spoke the word flatly, eyes narrowed at Pinkie Pie.
The pink earth pony flushed, hanging her head. “I didn’t think it would make her crazy!”
Luna pushed past Pinkie Pie, stepping between Twilight and the display cases holding the cakes as Twilight began her clumsy charge. The unicorn came up short, eyes widening, hooves scrabbling at the floor before she squeaked and leapt behind the empty cupcake case, taking cover.
“No cupcake! We can’t face Nightmare Moon! She’ll eat you alive!” the unicorn wailed.
The dark princess stepped over to the display case, peering over it, staring down at the huddled unicorn.
Twilight slowly looked upwards, her eyes widening. “No! No!” she squeaked, flailing a hoof at the princess. “I’ll not let you eat my cupcake! I will protect him with my life!”
Luna stared at Twilight flatly for several long moment, blinking slowly. “Twilight. Have you taken leave of your senses?”
“It’s a trick!” Twilight accused, poking Luna’s nose with her hoof. “You’re just trying to get me to let down my guard! And then... and then... you’ll eat him!”
Princess Luna snorted once, stalking over to the sink and filling a cup with water. Calmly, she stepped back over to the unicorn, and dumped the cup of water all over her.
Twilight gasped, her eyes widening as the cold water splashed over her, squeaking faintly and flailing her hoof at Luna again. “What was that for?!”
Luna stared down at the unicorn. “Come. We will return you to your home.”
It was an effort to get the unicorn home, leading her through the dark Ponyville streets.
“Luna... Luna... hey Luna!” Twilight said, from behind the dark princess, stumbling in her steps.
Luna looked back over her shoulder with a scowl, “Yes?”
Twilight giggled faintly, and then prodded Luna’s cutie mark. “If you mooned somepony... how many moons would there be?”
Luna just shook her head, ushering the unicorn into the library and upstairs, pushing her towards the bed.
The noise awoke Spike, who sleepily stared around.
“Wha? You got a cupcake for me?” he asked, picking up the lone survivor from Sugar Cube Corner. Before Twilight could even speak, the cupcake was gone.
Princess Luna huffed as she tried to get the distraught unicorn back into bed.
Twilight Sparkle’s notebook stood as testament to the events of that night.
12:01 Have inhaled the contents. Mild vertigo observed. Passed after a few seconds. Was unable to hold inhale.
12:05 Five minutes since inhalation, no ill effects noticeable.
12:10 Ten minutes since inhalation, still no effects noticed.
12:11 Have consumed every cookie I could find. Must get more.
1:35 Today, we have lost a soldier. We have lost a good friend and comrade. He survived the betrayal of the Unicorn Scourge, saw his way through the attack of Nightmare Moon, and even survived the Great Migration. But upon arrival at our new homelands, the ever fearless Cupcake Von FrostingFace met his untimely demise at the jaws of a ferocious dragon. Let us forever remember this day as the day we lost a true hero!
And at the end of the parchment was a single note, without a timestamp:
I will never smoke anything ever again.
Commencing Read!
Comment: How many moons would that make? Guess the password really ties in.
Starting to read: Will come back to comment, so far, it looks like she's got a serious case of the munchies
EDIT: Good work, got some laughs out of me. Like and Fav Some small grammatical issues like-- staring down at the parchment she was preparing to write in.
In should be On, I think. I write on parchment, not in it
, Ilia sit praelectionem
(Let that be a lesson!)
i.imgur.com/j4Nnv.png ~Wolf
Long Vive, Lupus Imperii!
Druuuuuuuuugs~
hahahaha!!!
I like it!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
I Think She'll Need An Electric Cigarette with some Nicotine Inside of it....
for science!
This needs to be a series. What would happen to the rest of the Mane 6?
1404278 Insanity.
And then, in the midst of it all is Pinkie Pie, screaming:
"COME ON YOU GUYS! I do three hits of this and bake cupcakes!"
Ok, while the whole "Doing drugs" thing kinda irks me, you made up for it with all of Twilight's silly antics.
And by "antics", I mean everything from cupcakes and beyond.
Everything from before cupcakes just made me think, "Whatever, she's on drugs."
This made me have a nostalgia flashback to Billy and Mandy for some reason...
Billy: Mom! I have a problem! This bread is delicious, but every time I bite it, it keeps getting smaller!
Anyway, good for Twilight and the Cupcake Kingdom. I feel a need to mention this song.
......Twilight gets high then goes mad.......And Pinkie Pie is the responsible one?..........The hell have I just walked into?.....
Oh, god... poor cupcakes. I can't stop laughing...
Er... It looks like Twilight eats too many space cupcakes?
Why in Equestria Pinkie you give those to Twilight?
Well, maybe cannabis foods are legal in Equestria.
At least Princess Luna did not do anything to TS, PP or Zacora..
(Oops. She smokes.. instead of eating..)
Stoner pony is best pony.
HAHAHAHAHAA!!!
Freakin' excellent. Figures Twilight would be a kooky pony when stoned.
i.qkme.me/35uf38.jpg
at first i was like "woah, twilight is doin pot!"
then I was like "no...that sounds more like acid"
the real question remains......why doesnt pinkie pie go trippin when she takes it?
edit: inb4 that is pot becuz she used a bong
My response: in the land of equestria, it is perfectly possible for an herb, when used with a bong, to have the same effect as a human generated compound that isnt in leaf form
Now remember, drugs: kids are bad!
Cute.
You need to make a second chapter that shows what Celestia thought. Or something. Cause that sounds like it'd be even funnier.
wow.... 111 likes... zero dislikes. impressive.
I smoked weed once. I played Genesis games for a couple hours, then drew a map of Canada on my stomach with a sharpie, then fell asleep. From what I could tell, the map was surprisingly accurate.
Twilight was going to open the library... until she got high~
She was going re-shelve all those books... until she got high~
She was going to go out and hang with her friends!... until she got high!~
until she got high, until she got high... until she got hiiiiiigh!~
Oh man, Seriously, that was pretty funny. But I feel I must point out you don't really hallucinate with weed. I've smoked it a lot, and the closest I've ever come to hallucinating was a severe loss of depth perception (My hands are huuuuuge!).
That...is highly entertaining.
Now give the rest of the Mane 6 drugs...
1407296
As in the Sega Genesis?
Anyway that was freaken' Hilarious!!!
1407561 Yep. Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Green Hill Zone, over and over again.
1407569
Damn good game. i still like to play it from time to time. I've nearly beat it several time in the last 3 weeks alone. And yes our Genesis still works.
LOL! Twilight was smokin' some weed, huh? That crap's funny as hell! Five embarassed Twilights out of five.
very funky
halarious!
next episode, rainbow dash thinks she is a fighter jet and bombs the apple farm.
no!
one day rainbow got high then bombed the apple farm, if you know what I mean.
whoever just thumbed this down is a little bitch
Sounds like Twilight's (ir)rational mind had a fun night off.
Loved every bit of this!
Ok I needed that, very funny.
more more more more more
I have never seen anyone act like that on weed. But that was pretty darn funny.
1407092
Because Pinkie's brain is so {buysomeappels} already, the drugs make it work like a normal pony's?
1403063
Now I want to know the password.
Even though it does not work anymore.
And this is why I choose not to smoke weed. Cause I know I'll do some stupidly hilarious crap just like this!
Told you it'd get featured.
Weeeeeeeeeeed...
Sweet Celestia tripping balls, I loved this. Great representation of a first timer...ah I remember my first time.....funniest trip to Texico ever. Also please, more of this, I honestly don't care which pony, but more of this. Even if Twilight slips up again, MORE.
1408394 That you did
My hooves can touch everything but themselves *clops them together* oh, wait...
>written by the person who never smoked any marijuanas
1408707
>comment written by someone trying vainly to greentext, making baseless assumptions in the comments section of a purely-for-teh-lolz story.
Kthnxbai.
Laughing my PLOT off at this.