Introduction
Octavia's Obscure Week
Chapter 1 Introduction
The alarm rang loud.
It was 6 in the morning, like almost every day when I wake up. I slowly opened my eyes to the sun shining into my room. I looked to the window, the sun was just rising. I got up looking around. Well, I'll just say this now, my name is Octavia and this is the weird things that have happened to me in the past week.
Where was I? Oh yes, I was looking around. Everything was normal, cello where I left it last night...everything but Vinyl. She was sleeping on the floor of my room. Don't ask me why she was because I have no Idea. "Vinyl, dear wake up. I said in a soft voice. "Go away" she said tiredly raising her hoof shooing me away. I sighed looking at her. She didn't have her glasses on. She was just...lying there for no known reason. "Vinyl...you are in 'My' room." She opened her eyes. She was looking up at me, stopped and looked around the room still half asleep. "Wha-." she said. I walked over to her putting out my hoof. "Let me help you up". She took my hoof and I pulled her up gently. "if you need to sleep more Vinyl, then you can go to your room" I said laughing just a little.
I turned away walking to the bathroom. I had to get to school so I needed to shower. Not five seconds after walking in there I heard a crash. I put my head down thinking "oh Vinyl is so tired she must have fallen". I was walking over to the shower when I heard "Tavi!!!" I was scared at this point and ran to the door. I looked outside and my eyes went right to Vinyl. She was laying on top of my cello. It was broken and blood was running down her leg. I ran over and helped her up and walked her to the bathroom with me. "what happened Vinyl?" I asked wiping the blood off her leg. "I kinda fell over and right into your" she paused. "Cello..." I admit I was sad to hear she broke my cello. I couldn't be mad at her though, after all we have been good friends for a long time. "Don't worry Vinyl, I can get it fixed." I cleaned her after I said that. "Come on Vinyl." I smiled and kisses her cheek and sent for the door. She followed me out. I walked over to my cello and a tear come down my face. Vinyl came over and hugged me. "Don't be sad Tavi, please." She had a sad look on her face, her raspberry eyes looking into mine. I smiled when she said that hugging her back. "Thank you Vinyl." I started to walk her out of my room toward hers. I helped her into her bed seeing as she was still tired. I have to hurry and get ready if I'm not going to be late for school I thought. "Sleep well Vinyl" I said looking at her. I kissed her again and turn to walk out of her room. "Thanks Octavia." she said. I was pretty happy to know she was ok. I got into my room looking at my cello. I walked over putting my hoof on a piece of it sighing. No time for this Octavia, you have to get ready I thought. I went into the bathroom to shower.
I stepped out of the shower. It felt nice and was a little calming. I looked into the mirror. I started to comb my mane the the usual look. After I finished I stood there, looking at myself in the mirror. Just...looking into my own eyes. I realized what I was doing was walked out. I looked for my bowtie. I sighed think Octavia where did you put this? I looked all around my room. After about seven minutes of searching I felt stupid looking over to my nightstand. It was sitting there the whole time. I put it on and get my saddlebags. Looking over to my cello before I left my room. Lucky I don't need this for a few days. I smiled and went out the door.
I got home in the late afternoon. I walked through the door of my house. Vinyl was sitting there on couch. She had her headphones on, her eyes closed bobbing her head. I stood there staring at her. I really need to fix my cello soon. I'm going to need it in a few days I thought. I could go to Ponyville tomorrow, go get it fixed there. When I came back from thinking, Vinyl wasn't there. Where'd she go I wondered? "Whatcha looking at Tavi?" she said. I jumped when she said that. "Don't do that Vinyl dear" I looked at her. "You scared me." "Oh, sorry Tavi but what were you looking at?" she looked at me with her raspberry eyes. "I...uh..It was nothing" I was smiling trying to hide that I was staring at her. "Ok....how was your day at school?" I was zoning out again thinking of my cello. Again I was just staring at her right into her eyes. She waved her hoof in front of me. "Tavi? Are...are you ok?" I came to again. "Oh...um sorry. My day? It was fine. I won't be needing my cello til Thursday so I can go out to fix it" I said smiling at her. "That's good to hear Tavi" She hugged me and went back to the couch. She sat there, didn't put her headphone back on. "I'll be in my room if you need me alright Vinyl?"
She turned her head to me. "Ok, I'll call for you when we are going to get dinner." After that she put her headphones on and closed her eyes again. I went to my room and looked at my cello. I started picking the pieces up off the floor. I said to myself "You are going to be a pain to fix. Hopefully Rainpon could fix you fast enough so I can have you for Thursday. May take a day or two, so I'll have to go to Ponyville early tomorrow.
We had just finished dinner and we were walking home. It was about 7:30pm or so now. We had to go a few blocks to get to my house. There were a lot of ponies out at this time. Most of the time, when Vinyl and I go out there is never a lot ponies out. We can just...enjoy the bliss of the outside. This time there we a few more ponies out. A lot of the ponies here in Canterlot never are out this late, unless they were out eating. Well...never mind them I thought. I could just block them out or something like that. I must have been doing it to well because Vinyl was talking and I didn't even notice. "Right Tavi?" she said. I looked over at her. I wanted to be honest with her and say I wasn't paying attention to her. But...that would of pretty mean. "Of course dearie" I said looking at her. She looked at me intently. "Were you listening to me?" I sighed. "No...I'm sorry Vinyl." I put my head down not wanting to look at her. She put her hoof under my chin and lifted my head gently. "It's ok hun, you could of just said something" She said smiling at me. I smiled back at her and we started to walk again.
Just a side note for you ponies. No me and Vinyl at not dating or anything. We have been friends for a while now. This is just how we act when it's just us two. We...we are like good sisters. Yes, I call her dearie, but that's just a small nickname for her. It's like how she calls me hun or Tavi. It shows how good of friends we are. We have kisses before, but it was a friendly one. She helped me so much that day...
Now, we were walking to my house. We were about another block away. We have been silent this whole time. I was thinking of how long it will take to get my cello fixed. I was very worried I won't have it by Thursday. I was only a little calm. Mainly because Vinyl and I just went out to a lovely dinner. It was pretty nice and relaxing. Just the two of us having a nice dinner. We reached my house. I opened the door and let her go in first. I smiled as she walked by. She smilies back at me. I walked in after her and closed the door. "Hey Vinyl dear." I said as she sat on the couch. "Yes Tavi?" she said taking her glasses off and lying them on the table next to her headphones. "I'm going to go to bed, I've had a long day and I'm very tired." I walked over to her and gave her a small kiss. "Good night Vinyl." I went off to my room.
"Good night Octavia..."
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- JawJoe · 125k words · 1,519 66 · 17k views
- Distaff Pope · 25k words · 126 2 · 1.8k views
- Jacoboby1 · 19k words · 119 2 · 4.9k views
- Jacoboby1 · 25k words · 101 2 · 3.6k views
- Jacoboby1 · 16k words · 90 3 · 2.9k views
- PaulAsaran · 93k words · 120 1 · 2.1k views
- Yondy · 67k words · 227 7 · 9.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.145 seconds
Total duration
937 users online
70,410 hits today, 1,943,222 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
FIRST COMMENT!!!!!!!!! YES!
Hmm...
Not exactly the most interesting topic. However, you have a great descriptive writing style!
Just a few mistakes here and there, but keep it up!
I've definitely seen worse, but there are definitely a few issues. I'm not gonna make you do any of this, but here are my suggestions. Feel free to use any and all of what I say. So here we go!
IT'S REVIEW TIME!
1) You've got some weird capitalization things going on.
*idea
*What
So on and so forth. You get the idea.
2) You've got this thing going on:
Each time a different character speaks, you need to have a new paragraph, like so (I also took the liberty of fixing a few grammatical things marked in red
and with the mystical strike through):Make sense? It will take some getting used to if you aren't used to it, but then most new things do.
3) Just some grammar things going on. I forget what they specific things are called but here is what I'm talking about:
The word "this" is singular, and "things" is a plural. These two need to match. Also, a colon works best combining this sentence (just look below to see what I mean).
Another, different thing:
The problem here is tenses. "We were" implies past tense, and "We have been" is basically present. The tenses throughout the story need to be the same.
This is a time using Italics to differentiate narration and thought would come in handy:
This as it is makes little-to-no sense.
Ah! Much better (probably)!
4) The age old "Show, don't tell" scenario.
Pretty bland if you ask me. You told us what was going on with little description.
Okay....maybe that wasn't the best, but I think it was at least a little more interesting.
That about wraps up this review. Everything I mentioned was a reoccurring issue in the story (it happened more than once). And please don't think I am saying your story sucks; it doesn't. It just needs a little bit of work. Best of luck to ya, mate. Now if you will excuse me, I have an essay due in roughly 8 hours and I need to start it.
-tnuyum, Official TWE Reviewer
PS>>1402914 I'm pretty sure that's a ban-able offense, claiming first comment. I could be mistaken.
Yah i did this on my notepad on my phone lol that may explain some of the things that are wrong and stuff haha :P
1415136
Boom.
It could use some work, but it looks interesting so far. I look forward to seeing some updates
.