Agnitio Dator
"There's a what on my what?" Pinkie asked, not quite taking in what Twilight had said.
"There. Is a demon. On your head." Twilight spoke flatly, like she was stating the simplest of truths in the universe.
Pinkie went... well... Pinkie.
"Ohmygoshohmygoshgetitoffofmeaahhhhhhhhhhhh" She screeched, her words combining together like ice cream in a blender. "Whatdoyoumeanthereisademononmyheadisitmyhairohmygodibetit'smyhairwhatdidIdoohIknewIshouldn'thaveletthatnewhairdresserdoanythingtoitohpicklestwilightwhatamIgoingtodooooo..."
"Pinkie!"
"IsitabloodsuckingdemonohIbetit'sgoingtosuckmedryohmygosh"
"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs, letting lose a wave of magical energy to ensnare the frantic 'blender'.
Pinkie whimpered. "Wh-what do you mean there's a demon on m-my head..."
Twilight bites her lip slightly. "Oh, I was lying. I just wanted to see how you would react."
Pinkie Pie lets out a sigh of relief. "Twilight! You scared the living hay out of me!"
"Yeah. Feel better?"
Pinkie nods.
"Good, because that was to calm you down. Okay, Celestia has been giving me lessons on Romane Mythology, and there's a lot of stories about demons." Twilight explains, saying everything as fast as she could so she could make her point before Pinkie realized what she was saying.
"Wait you lied to m—hmpphhh" before Pinkie could start rousing herself up into another freak-out, Twilight conjured the most useful substance in the world to stop her from talking...
...duct tape!
"Anyway..." Twilight continued. "After Fluttershy told me about your horn, I has assumed that it was just some sort of toy that you had bought. Enchanted little trinkets like that are pretty common, actually. But, once Applejack started raving about how you fixed her barn in less than five seconds... well... I got a little suspicious."
"Mmmphmmpmhpppmmhph?" Pinkie pondered intelligently.
"Er... okay...?" Twilight honestly had no idea what Pinkie Pie had said.
"Mmpph—" Pinkie rolled her eyes as her horn began to shine a brilliant pink. The wave of silky magical energy flowed over the duct tape like warm water, and pulled it right off of her face.
"Suspicious?" Pinkie asked, before replacing the duct tape right over her mouth.
Twilight stared at Pinkie. Not because of the magic... but more so because she couldn't comprehend why somepony who could get duct tape off of their mouth would willingly put it back on. "Uh, yeah. Magical artifacts that powerful don't really... exist."
Pinkie removed the tape again. "What do you mean? Then how do I have this one?"
"Well, because that's a demon." Twilight said flatly.
Pinkie had forgotten about that for the time being... yet, sadly, Twilight seemed to have reminded her.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEmpmpmpmpmmpphhh" Once pinkie began screaming, Twilight countered her magic with her own, holding the duct tape to Pinkie's frantic lips.
"I read some books that Celestia gave me, and I learned about demons who disguise themselves as powerful artifacts. They were extremely common back before Canterlot's government was established over Equestria, as raw power used to give a pony political power." Twilight explained, the explanation more for her own benefit then Pinkie's.
Pinkie didn't seem to be listening. She was too busy wishing that she was able to scream.
Fed up with Pinkie's outbursts, Twilight ended her speech. "Do you recognize the name: Agnitio Dator?"
Pinkie Pie suddenly stopped, nodding a frantic 'Yes' at Twilight.
"Okay... good... where did you hear it?"
"IhearditinadreamthatIhadthiscreepythingsaiditanditscaredthelivingpicklesoutofmeohmygoditwassosca—"
"Say it slowly, Pinkie Pie" the aggravated lavender unicorn suggested.
Pinkie took a deep breath, calming her screaming synapses with much needed oxygen. "Okay, I had this dream a few nights ago. It was really creepy, and this thing told me its name was Agnitio Dator. Fluttershy told me it translated to Bringer of Knowledge. It spoke to me—"
"—a day or two after you got the horn." Twilight finished.
"Uh, yeah. How did you..."
Twilight took in a deep breath. "Agnitio Dator is an obscure demon... but it's still a powerful one."
Pinkie gulped, biting her lip.
"It's called the Bringer of Knowledge because... that's what it does." Twilight scratched her chin, looking for a way to explain. "Quick, what's the square root of Pi?"
"One-point-seven-seven-two-four-fi— oh wow." Pinkie crossed her eyes. "I never did that well in math class..."
"Precisely. Agnitio Dator gives you the intelligence of a Romane Fillysopher."
"So why is he... she... oh hay what gender is this thing. Why is it a bad thing?"
Twilight bit her lip. "It drains your life away. Many Romanes used to call it things like 'headcrab'. Those who it binds to tend to only live half-lives."
"WaitsothatmeansthatitISavampireohmygodisitsuckingmyblo—" Pinkie Pie interrupter herself, taking another deep breath. "So how do we get it off?"
"Well, that's the tricky part. Agnitio Dator binds to a pony's soul based on a contractual agreement. Which means—"
"That in order for it to actually become latched onto anypony, or removed from anypony, it must fulfill the needs of a contract. Like when I bought it from Vernula."
Twilight gaped at Pinkie, somewhat glad that she didn't have to explain anything. She was also somewhat disappointed. "Yeah... basically."
"So why don't we just sell it to some factory in Manehatten so it can become a bunch of sparkly, pink sprinkles?"
Twilight rolled her eyes. No matter how intelligent she will ever be, Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie. "Disregarding the idea of eating a demon... no, that won't work."
Pinkie Pie's ears drooped. "Why not?"
"Agnitio Dator uses a magical loop hole to prevent its host from— okay, do you just want to say that it's a boy? It feels... weird, talking about something that's alive without giving it a gender."
Pinkie nodded.
Twilight seemed to be pleased, as if the sudden change in grammar made all the difference in the universe. "Okay. Basically, the spell he casts is that he grants a pony knowledge and magical power in exchange for their life force."
"Yeah?"
"Now, because he's granting a pony magic..." Twilight stared into the sky, glancing at the sun for a moment before turning back to Pinkie. "...he had to connect his own aura to his subjects—"
Pinkie interrupted her friend. "Meaning that he is using my magic to prevent me from selling the horn."
"Yup." Twilight took a raspy breath, turning her back on the hot sun. "You can only sell it when he wants you to. He'll wait until you have barely any life remaining, and force you to use the rest of your energy to find a suitable new subject.
"Uh... Twilight?" a tiny voice whispered.
Twilight turned suddenly, and was face to face with Fluttershy. "Oh, hi Fluttershy. I completely forgot you were there."
Fluttershy was no stranger to this happening, evidently. "If Pinkie can't sell Agnitio Dator... how do we get him off of her head?"
"Well... that's the thing here. I'm not entirely sure." Twilight pursed her lips.
Fluttershy's eyes widened. "Oh gosh, we should ask Celestia. Maybe she can he—"
"No!" Twilight nearly screamed. "Fluttershy, I found no records of anyone successfully removing Agnitio Dator without a contract. I doubt Celestia has a method either. She'd probably just..." Twilight bit her hoof rather hard, nearly drawing blood.
Pinkie Pie's eyes had been filled with a sort of existential dread. "What would she do, Twilight?"
Twilight ceased trying to eat her leg. "She would banish you from Equestria. Maybe throw you in a dungeon."
Fluttershy whimpered. "Why would she do something like that?"
"She would do it for the safety of Equestria, Fluttershy. That's why she trapped her own sister in the moon for a thousand years. If she can keep Pinkie away from other ponies, Agnitio Dator won't be able to find another host when Pinkie..." Twilight gulped, not able to say the last word. "So we have to solve this by ourselves."
"No we don't!" Pinkie squealed, falling out of her moment of depression.
"What do you mean?" Twilight was only half paying attention, the stress of the moment overcoming her.
"If Agnitio Dator is bound to my mind, then I'm bound to his. Right? I read in a book that mind based spells are double sided, so a pony can always break a spell like that..."
"Wait, you read in a book? Where the hay did you g—"
Before Twilight realized where Pinkie had acquired her book, Pinkie jumped in. "It doesn't matter! The important part is that I may be able to get into his mind. I may be able to find out a way to get him off of me!"
Fluttershy looked skittish. To be honest, when didn't she? "Are you sure it's safe?"
"No, but what could he do that he hasn't done already?" Pinkie's mind was working frantically, the intelligence-boost from her ol' buddy Agnicio making her think even faster. "Twilight, how much time do I have left before he starts... you know... eating me from the inside."
"When did you get the horn?" Twilight's mood has improved; even she thought the plan could work.
"Uh... I got the horn, showed it to Fluttershy, went to bed, and earlier today I helped Applejack... so It's been like a day and a half, counting today."
Twlight closed her eyes for a minute, remembering what she had read.
"Oh sweet Celestia." Twilight swore. "Pinkie, you have until Midnight."
Pinkie Pie, instead of freaking out (as she would like to have), kept herself in a state of anxious acceptance. "Why the hay does magic always have a time limit of midnight?"
Twilight shrugged. "He's kind of a vampire. Maybe he's scared of werewolves?"
Pinkie Pie forced out a chuckle. "We'll find out soon I guess. Alright, how should I go about doing this?"
Twilight pondered about that for a moment. "Okay, I'm going to try to teach you how to get into your own mind."
Pinkie nodded.
"Think of a word, and say it over and over again. Make sure the word is something like a door or a boat; something you can interact with or enter.
Pinkie decided to think of a bathtub...
...filled with chocolate.
"Okay... got it..." Pinkie's mouth was watering at the thought of a porcelain tub of milky chocolate.
"Now imagine every part of it. What color it is, how old it is... things like that."
Pinkie Pie decided to add balloons to the bathtub, because why the hay wouldn't she? She imagine the balloons lifting the tub up into the air, carrying a chocolatey yet confusing delight over Equestria.
"Good." Twilight said, surprised to see Pinkie's horn beginning to glow. For first time casters, this spell tended to take much longer to succeed at. "Now, remember when I told you to make sure you could interact with it? Whatever you created, I want you to perform the interaction. Now."
Pinkie Pie nodded, and visualized herself diving into the tub of chocolate... or heaven, at least to Pinkie. She felt a pull within her, kind of like the oceans undertow, all directed towards her horn.
"Alright, Pinkie." Twilight said, her pink friends horn shining like a star. "You're about to experience your own sentience. Once you're within yourself, everything should feel completely normal to you, except for a few minor details; those details are breadcrumbs left by Agnitio Dator. Follow them, and you should be able to enter his conscience."
Pinkie nodded, the tug getting stronger by the second. "Alright, demoney horn, mama Pinkie's comin' in."
Wow, just favorited this yesterday.
I guess it's my lucky day.
aw, shit. I didn't actually mean to post this yet, I wanted a few more hours with her before she came out.
SORRY.
EDIT: I guess i wont unpublish her, since a few have already read it.
Head Crab.
Lives some sort of half life.
icwatudidthere
1601250 It's amazing how well that intro fits with MLP FiM, it's as if Warner Brothers knew FiM was coming.
yay update
haven't read but i felt the need to comment, so here goes!
you sir have screwed over every universe in existence. Pinkie was already able to defy the Laws of Physics WITHOUT magic. when one considers this, and then considers what she could do WITH magic, one comes to the conclusion that she will inadvertently completely destroy the Laws of Physics, thereby dooming the universe held together by said laws - and every other universe along with it. (because physics keeps the universes separated from each other, and throwing out physics in one universe will set off a chain reaction throughout the multiverse, disrupting each and every universe in existence and all matter and energy contained in said universes)
Well this is going to be intresting.
2021521
I actually made sure to stay away from that plotline, because it's waaaaaay too predictable.
It's hilarious, but everypony sees it coming.
Oh my gosh, I haven't thought of this fic in so long! And this is nice satisfying chapter right here.
When Pinkie says the square root of Pi, "One-point-seven-seven-two-for-fi", you misspelled "four".
"magical loop hole to prevent it's host from" You mean "its".
"Twilight bit her hoof rather heard" Or "rather hard".
Those are the only corrections I have today.
2021521 Why would Pinkie do that? She likes the universe.
Isn't that right, Pinkie?
She says yes.
*reads description*
* pulls up chair*
Dis gonna be gud!!!!!
NEW CHAPTER! FINALLY!!!!! *commences read*
EDIT:
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/32685640.jpg
Headcrabs...
Half-Lifes...
FRICKIN' GORDON FREEMAN!
yikes poor pinkie
Tense inconsistency for the next few paragraphs
No. I will not allow this. This is not a thing that can be allowed to exist. Remedy this at once.
I think you mean "hard"
2022118 inadvertently means accidentally
2022327
Got a problem with puns, love?
Very nicely done. A good story and highly amusing.
Shouldn't it be Auntie Pinkie instead of Mama Pinkie?
I am not complaining or anything, I love this story.
for some reason I see my OC character waltzing out of the forest with a bonesaw and asking "want me to give it a try?"
2021483
I love the joke. (still waiting for Half-Life 3)
One thing though, how does that equate to Midnight? If the Mane 6 are in their late teens/early twenties, shouldn't she have about 20-30 years or so (average lifespan being 70-80 [Except Granny Smith], minus the twenty she's lived, then halved due to the demon)?
Strange... I just had to unfavorite and refavorite this because it didn't show up on my tracking list. You should complain to someone about that, because yours is the first story this has happened for.
Still sent me the email though... How odd.
2021521 While I have to agree with the thought behind it, you aren't exactly being considerate here. You should at least read the story before saying things like that. Besides, that's not actually happening here (which you would know if you read the story) so it doesn't matter. Sort of like how the color of the sun doesn't matter, even though it's there all the time. If the sun were blue in this world, it wouldn't change the story at all.
PS to the author: you have a few grammar/spelling mistakes in this chapter. You might want to consider getting a prereader. That would also help with the pacing issues in this last chapter and a half.
HALF-LIFE 3 CONFIRMED
Now that's out of the way, I guess there will be no more hopes of Pinkie reeking havoc on Ponyville. Oh well.
2023317
Thanks for that. The comment on pacing, mainly.
Writing fanfiction is an experiment for me. It's not an experiment in the sense that it's something I want to give up, but it's an experiment because it's the simplest way to get one's writing seen.
I want to be a professional writer, eventually, so any type of commentary on my writing style is exactly what I need to improve it.
2023047
The spell takes hold at midnight. Meaning Agnitio Dator starts draining at Midnight.
Sorry if that was confusing.
Oh, those inconsiderate mages of old, never putting an off-switch on their EvilBad Artifacts of TerrorDoom.
Keep the story going, can't wait for Pinkie vs. Head Dæmon mind duel.
The next post of this fic will be the finale. A longer post for you, and a sad feeling for me that I'll be done with it.
I hope you've all enjoyed my little thing so far. The fic actually stretched itself a chapter farther then I had intended, which is always good.
Tiros Finale, I suppose.
...hm. I didn't get a "favourites" notification for this story.
Just randomly checked "View all favourites" and noticed it had updated.
That's at least the sixth time I've seen this issue since the site-update.
Hmmm. Is this being worked on? I know I'm not the only one who's bothered by this...
(Admittedly, only six out of ~200 stories I'm subscribed to having this issue isn't all that bad, statistically.)
Glad to see a new chapter, and a fan fic where Twilight doesn't just blindly follow the alicorn party line like a fuzzier, cuddlier Jack Bauer.
2024636
Okay, that makes a lot more sense. Still though, no real need to rush about getting that horn off for a few years really...
Poor Agnito Dator. He has no idea what hell he hath unleashed upon himself....
Sorry but, Thumbs up if you did what twilight told pinkie in the end
this is gonna be good
*sees Pinkie and the Brain update in email*
"hey, wasn't that the fic where Pinkie got a horn?
*reads a bit*
HOLYCELESTIAITISTHATFICOMIGOSHILOVETHISFICTHANKYOUFORUPDATINGHOWCANIMAKEYOURDAYBETTER?
2029064
How can you make my day better?
Fix the bloody fimfiction site so that more then one fourth of the people subscribed to this fic were notified that it was updated.
xD
2029870
You hear that, everypony? We need to make somepony smile! Click that 'email updates' button at the top of the screen!
2022486 YES. Stupid ones especially
2035983
Then why continue to post about my creation.
Criticism is something I heavily enjoy getting, as it makes me a better writer. Calling a pun stupid isn't criticism... because it doesn't really do anything. The pun was made because my mind formulated the idea, and I decided to put in in my piece.
You either A: Want my mind to work differently; unreasonable and impossible. Or B: Want me to take the pun out of the fic, as you find it stupid. Again, unreasonable.
You'll likely reply with something along the lines of 'I was just making a simple comment.' And yes, you were. That's what the internet is nowadays; a fully anonymous medium in which you can say virtually anything without consequence.
A breeding ground for twelve year old critics.
Opinions are opinions, and I can't force your opinions to change into anything... nor do I want them to.
But seriously. Is commenting on a story telling me that something that I took the time to write is blatantly stupid really something you want to be doing?
You've read the story up until now, so you're clearly not the person you're trying to be with your two posts on this chapter.
The internet is indeed fully anonymous, but that doesn't mean you need to be fully ignorant.
2037792 That was entirely unexpected and, in my opinion, a little uncalled for.
I understand where you’re coming from, and I can see how my comments could’ve come off as rude or petty—and I’m glad you recognize that I didn’t mean to be—but it does feel kind of like you’re using my comment as an excuse to complain about the internet at large.
But more on-topic, I get that horse-puns are pretty essential to the franchise, so I let most of them go, but that one just seems really silly, and there’s really no reason for it other than humor—and, as you said, puns aren’t really my thing.
I will admit I was out of line calling it stupid, and for that I offer an apology, but I feel like you were also out of line, and ask one in return.
Sound good?
2038810
I deal with many distasteful folk a day, as I moderate on a few gaming forums. Trust me when I say that my response to you was all and truly tailored you to as an individual. I've read you're other comments on both this story, and other stories besides this one.
I find you to be a moderately arrogant person who abuses the idea of anonymous criticism being a thing.
I accept your apology, and I apologize for the feelings you felt about my reply to you.
Nothing more, nothing less.
2038950 'K, that's fine. I don't really mean to come off that way, or to abuse anonymous criticism, but I suppose I am, and I suppose I do. Anyway, I'm glad we got this cleared up (to an extent)
I would trust Pinkie with Magic. Why? Her Pinkie powers are JUST THAT! MAGIC!
Huh, somehow despite this updating and the chapter being marked as 'unread' in my favourites/track list I was never notified that it had actually, ya know updated. The favourites bar should have been orange with a little 1 like it always is when something updates, but it never did that.
Good thing I was digging through my favourites to find something or I'd have missed this.
2051564
It's an issue with the system right now.
Over half of the people who are subscribed to see updates to this fic aren't getting them.
=/
Just NOW found out this updated. Oi.
Getting a teensy bit tired of FiMfiction doing this. It always seems to be the more obscure fics in my favorites too.
Anyway, Twilight! Stop assuming Celestia is going to be tyrantlestia! She isn't gonna banish the element of laughter like that!
Reminds me of this fic called "Sharing the Magic." It was fun.
Twilight! Why do you always assume the worst about Celestia?
And Pinkie's gonna fight the demon?
And Why did FimFiction not tell me this had been updated?
Next chapter is pretty much ready to be created, I just don't want to post it until fimfic is fixed. Sooo many people haven't seen this chapter yet.