MLP: Payback (REVISED)

by Mystico_

MLP: Payback

On one sunny day in Ponyville, it was recess time at the Ponyville Schoolhouse, and all the fillies and colts were playing with their friends in, and near the school playground.

While the other ponies were doing their thing, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were playing catch with a baseball. They were having plenty of fun doing so.

"Try and catch this, Scootaloo!" Apple Bloom said, throwing the baseball to Scootaloo.

"I got it, I got it!" Scootaloo said as she backed up to catch the baseball. "Got it! Here you go, Sweetie Belle!"

Sweetie Belle catches the baseball after Scootaloo had thrown it to her. "Alright, here it comes, Apple Bloom!" Sweetie Belle said while throwing the baseball to Apple Bloom.

As the baseball was thrown over to Apple Bloom, Apple Bloom noticed she threw it a bit hard. She was afraid that the baseball would hit her right in the head, so she ducked down to avoid that. The baseball flew over her head and hit one of Ms. Cheerilee's flower pots outside which broke on impact.

It took a quick second for the crusaders to realize what happened. They all were shocked, especially Sweetie Belle. They all ran over to get a better look at the broken pot.

"Oh no! What have I done?!" Sweetie Belle said with fear in her voice.

While Sweetie Belle was looking at what she did, she had so many thoughts overcome her. She wondered if Ms. Cheerilee found out, how much trouble she'd be in.

While Apple Bloom was looking at the result of Sweetie's throwing, she had a feeling that she should tell Ms. Cheerilee about this. Though she'd be snitching on one of her best friends, she thought it would be the right thing to do.

Apple Bloom tried to sneak her way off to Ms. Cheerilee, but Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo noticed. They both were curious about where she was going.

"Apple Bloom, where are you going?" Sweetie Belle asked her.

Apple Bloom made up an excuse so that her fellow crusaders wouldn't know what she was about to do. "Uhh, ah just have to use the bathroom. Ah'll be right back" Apple Bloom replied to her before secretly running off to Ms. Cheerilee.

Once Apple Bloom made her way inside the schoolhouse, she shouted, "Ms. Cheerilee, Ms. Cheerilee!"

"What's the problem, Apple Bloom?" Ms. Cheerilee replied.

"Ah know ah probably shouldn't be doing this, but... Sweetie Belle broke one of the flower pots outside while we were playing with a baseball, but ah promise it wasn't on purpose!" Apple Bloom was a bit nervous that Ms. Cheerilee would go extreme and get Sweetie Belle in a lot of trouble.

"Hmm, well, I'll have a talk with her after class. Thanks for letting me know."

"N-No problem!" Apple Bloom said, still a bit nervous because she didn't know what would happen to Sweetie Belle once they talk after class.

After Apple Bloom snitched on her best friend, she went back outside. However, as soon as she did, recess was over. All of the fillies and colts went to sit down at their desks, while Ms. Cheerilee welcomed them back in. Sweetie Belle was still worried about what had happened at recess. She was wanting to tell her teacher but felt like she would get in massive trouble. Sweetie Belle's mind was racing until she heard Ms. Cheerilee say, "Sweetie Belle, may I speak with you after class?"

Sweetie Belle's heart dropped, considering what just happened at recess. "Uh, sure!" She answered nervously.

Sweetie Belle wondered if she knew... but how could she know that fast?

A few hours later, the class was over, and Ms. Cheerilee had let all of her students go except Sweetie Belle. "Okay, class, you are dismissed for the day. Have a good rest of your afternoon! Sweetie Belle, please come over to my desk."

Sweetie Belle walked over to Ms. Cheerilee's desk very shaky and nervously. "H-Hey Cheerilee, what's up?"

"Well, I have heard about what had happened at recess, thanks to Apple Bloom," Ms. Cheerilee said.

Sweetie Belle had fear in her body after she said she knew about the broken flower pot. She was also shocked to hear that Apple Bloom, one of her best friends, told her about the incident and it made Sweetie Belle a bit upset inside.

"Alright, I did break your flower pot, but I swear it was an accident, and I'm very, very sorry! I'll even buy you a new one!" Sweetie Belle confessed.

"No, it's fine, Sweetie Belle. I understand that accidents happen. You're not in trouble at all. You're free to go for the day, see you tomorrow" Ms. Cheerilee said calmly.

Sweetie Belle was so relieved to know she wouldn't be in trouble. "Wow, thank you so much!"

Sweetie Belle had exited the schoolhouse and was walking home. While she was walking home, she was thinking to herself about how Apple Bloom could tattle on her about the flower pot. Sweetie Belle wanted payback on her immediately. She was thinking of what to do as payback. Even though she didn't appreciate what Apple Bloom did, she didn't want to do anything too crazy.

She suddenly came up with an idea to get her back, and that idea was to tickle her. She knew she was super ticklish, especially on her hind hooves. Sweetie Belle knew this would get her good for what she had done, and she could have a little fun whilst doing so.

Sweetie Belle kept walking home to plan on how to tickle Apple Bloom, but to Sweetie Belle's surprise, Apple Bloom was not far away from where she was. Sweetie thought that she might as well do it now, then wait. Sweetie Belle galloped over to her and said, "Hey Apple Bloom, can we go and talk in the clubhouse real quick?"

Apple Bloom was curious about what Sweetie Belle wanted to talk about. "Uhm, ahlright.."

They both walked to and inside the clubhouse. After Apple Bloom went in, Sweetie Belle went in behind her and locked the door, but Apple Bloom didn't notice.

"So uh, what did ya' want to talk about, Sweetie Belle?" Apple Bloom asked.

"I know that you tattled on me about the flower pot."

"Uh.." Apple Bloom was shocked; she thought that she would not find out, but she was wrong.

"Speechless, huh?"

Apple Bloom had no choice but to confess for her actions, "Ahlright listen, Ah'm sorry ah told on ya' but ah just thought it was the right thing to do!"

"I see. Well, I'm not going to let anypony get away with telling on me, so I'm gonna have to do something to you as payback."

Sweetie Belle then used her magic, which levitated out some rope from a chest and tied up Apple Bloom's body and hind hooves with the rope, making her immobilized. Apple Bloom was kind of scared about what Sweetie Belle was thinking of doing to her.

"W-Why did ya' tie me up..?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Well, you see.." Sweetie Belle used her magic and levitated out a feather to where Apple Bloom can see it. "I know just how ticklish you are, so why not tickle you for what you did?"

Apple Bloom was at a loss for words. She could not believe her friend was about to tickle her. "What?! Please, Sweetie Belle, ah told ya' ah was sorry! Please don't tickle mah!"

"Sorry, Apple Bloom, but you shouldn't have told on me. You know I dislike when somepony tattletales on me!"

"Ah'm sorry, Sweetie. Ah really am!" Apple Bloom replied, genuinely apologetic.

"If you're sorry, then you'd be alright with me tickling you. Besides, you'll have lots of fun since I know where you're most ticklish" Sweetie Belle said with a devilish grin on her face.

"Where am ah most ticklish, then?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Your hind hooves!" Sweetie Belle said, giggling to herself.

Apple Bloom was very speechless once Sweetie Belle had said that. "P-Please don't tickle mah hooves! Ah said ah was sorry!"

"I know, but an apology won't cut it. After this, I promise you'll be forgiven."

Sweetie Belle then used her magic and ran the feather up and down one of Apple Bloom's hind hooves.

"Hehehe, p-please stop!" Apple Bloom said, giggling.

Sweetie Belle ignored her and continued tickling.

"Hahahaha, it tickles hehe."

"It's supposed to, silly." Sweetie Belle then decided to get two feathers, one for each hoof, and ran them across her defenseless hooves. The feathers were making Apple Bloom laugh hysterically because of how sensitive she was.

"HAHAHA, SWEETIE BELLE HEHEHEHEHE, PLEASE STOHOHOHOP, HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Apple Bloom pleaded.

"Why? We just got started! Besides, you're pretty adorable getting tickled" Sweetie Belle said smiling while continuing to tickle the defenseless farm filly.

Apple Bloom blushed a bit at her comment.

Sweetie Belle then used her magic to retrieve a Mane Brush and brushed it against one of her hooves and used the two feathers on the other hoof.

"BWHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH PLEHEHEHEHESE!"

"Please more? You got it!" Sweetie Belle playfully said, tickling her friend a bit more.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA COME ONONONONONON, PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHESE!"

"I'm not stopping for a while, AB!"

Sweetie Belle kept on tickling Apple Bloom's hind hooves with no mercy. After a few minutes had passed, Scootaloo was walking past the clubhouse and heard laughing coming from inside. She decided to knock on the clubhouse door and see what was going on.

"Oh! Somepony is here; I'll be right back" Sweetie Belle said while stopping the tickle torture to see who it was. No less to her surprise, it was Scootaloo.

"Hello, Sweetie Belle!"

"Oh, hey, Scootaloo."

"I was just walking around and happened to hear somepony laughing in here. What's going on?" Scootaloo asked.

"Oh, well, remember when Apple Bloom had to 'use the bathroom'?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, Apple Bloom told on me for breaking the flower pot because she thought it was 'the right thing to do'. Luckily, I wasn't in any trouble, but I still want payback because I don't like other ponies telling on me" Sweetie Belle said.

"Well, what are you doing as payback?" Scootaloo asked.

"Tickling her; I'm tickling her now actually, which was why you heard laughing. Hey, since you're here, would you mind helping me tickle Apple Bloom? I could use some help" Sweetie Belle asked, hoping she would say 'Yes'.

"Sure, I have nothing else better to do"

"Perfect, come on in!"

Scootaloo walked into the clubhouse, and Sweetie Belle locked the door again.

Scootaloo saw Apple Bloom tied up with rope and her panting from the tickling before her arrival. Apple Bloom saw Scootaloo enter the clubhouse and was rather happy to see her. She thought that maybe Scootaloo would free her from the tickle torture. "Scootaloo! Sweetie Belle kept on tickling my hind hooves, and ah can't take it. Please get mah outta' here!" Apple Bloom shouted to her.

"Well, I'm here to help tickle you.."

Apple Bloom was surprised to hear what Scootaloo had just said. "Huh?! Why?"

"She told me all about what happened and I feel where she's coming from. Besides, I have nothing else better to do"

"Oh, ya' got to be kiddin' mah."

Scootaloo took a quick look around the clubhouse and couldn't find any tools to help tickle Apple Bloom with. "Hey Sweetie Belle, do you have some tools to use to tickle her?"

"Oh yeah! There should be some stuff in the chest over there!" Sweetie Belle said, pointing over to where the chest of items was.

"Got it, thanks!" Scootaloo went over to the chest and looked inside to see a bunch of random stuff inside, along with some tools to be used for tickling. She pulled out an electric toothbrush that looked clean and worked like a charm.

Scootaloo went over to Apple Bloom, turned on the toothbrush, and placed it on one of her hooves. She occasionally moved it around her hoof, causing her to laugh a bit harder than before.

Sweetie Belle used her magic to pick up the brush from earlier and tickled Apple Bloom's other hoof with it.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS TOO MUCH, AH CAN'T HANDLE IT HAHAHAH!" Apple Bloom said, laughing very hard.

"Aww, well, you shouldn't have done what you did," Sweetie Belle said.

"HAHAHAHAHAH!"

After five torturous minutes, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle decided Apple Bloom needed a break and temporarily stopped tickling her. They both also wanted to talk about what else they could do to Apple Bloom to tickle her good.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo went to a spot where Apple Bloom could not overhear their conversation and tried to talk about what else to do.

Both of them were thinking to themselves when Scootaloo suddenly got an idea in mind. "Hey Sweetie Belle, I think I know what we could do!"

Sweetie Belle was excited to hear that Scootaloo thought of something. "Awesome! What were you thinking?" Sweetie Belle replied in anticipation.

"So, Apple Bloom has a dog, right?" Scootaloo asked.

"Yeah, Winona."

"Perfect. I was thinking we could put peanut butter on Apple Bloom's hooves and have her dog lick them clean!"

Sweetie Belle was very impressed with this idea. "That sounds like a great idea! I can go get Winona and some Peanut Butter. Stay here and watch Apple Bloom for me" Sweetie Belle said.

"Alright, I'll just tickle her until you get back."

"Sounds good!"

Sweetie Belle went out of the clubhouse and went to find and retrieve Winona and a jar of Peanut Butter. A couple of minutes later, she entered back into the clubhouse with the dog and peanut butter and heard Apple Bloom's laughter. "HAHAHAHA!"

Scootaloo heard Sweetie Belle enter back into the clubhouse and stopped tickling Apple Bloom. "Oh, you're back."

Apple Bloom was panting from the tickling she endured from Scootaloo while Sweetie Belle was away and noticed Sweetie Belle brought in her dog and peanut butter and wanted to know why. "W-Why did you bring my dog and peanut butter to the clubhouse?" Apple Bloom asked.

"You'll see," Sweetie Belle said, with an evil smirk.

Sweetie Belle walked over to Apple Bloom and spread some peanut butter all over Apple Bloom's hooves.

"Oh my!" Apple Bloom yelped.

Sweetie Belle had then covered both of her hind hooves with Peanut Butter.

"So uh, what's the reason ya' put Peanut Butter all over my hooves..?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Well, you know how dogs love to lick peanut butter?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Uh, yeah? But that doesn't explain why-" Apple Bloom had suddenly cut herself off after she realized the peanut butter was there so her dog could lick it off.

"Did you finally figure it out?" Sweetie Belle asked Apple Bloom.

"Please don't have her lick mah hooves! Her tongue'll probably tickle so much!" Apple Bloom pleaded to Sweetie Belle.

"Alright, well I promise after this, we'll both stop tickling you and I'll forgive you," Sweetie Belle said reassuringly.

Sweetie Belle then brought over Winona to Apple Bloom's hind hooves. Winona gave them a sniff and then began to lick the peanut butter-covered hooves.

"BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! MAKE HER STOHOHOHOHOP HAHAHAHA!" Apple Bloom pleaded, bursting out with laughter.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo just stayed silent and watched Winona lick off the Peanut Butter.

"OH MAH GOSH, THIS TICKLES SO MUCH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Roughly five minutes later, Winona had licked all the Peanut Butter off of Apple Bloom's hooves. Apple Bloom was relieved to know that the tickling was done since Sweetie Belle mentioned there would be no more after that.

"Well, looks like you're done, Apple Bloom! No more tickling for you! Let me untie you" Sweetie Belle said.

Sweetie Belle walked over to Apple Bloom to untie her. She went down to untie her hooves and decided to poke one of her hooves to see how she'd react.

"EEP!" Apple Bloom squealed.

"Hehe, just wanted to tease ya''" Sweetie Belle said, smiling.

She then freed Apple Bloom from the ropes and helped Apple Bloom up.

"You doing alright, Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo asked concerningly.

"Yeah, ah'm fine, thanks" Apple Bloom replied.

Even though Apple Bloom knew she was already forgiven by Sweetie Belle, she wanted to make sure they were still friends. "Hey Sweetie, we're still friends right..?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Of course! We always will be!" Sweetie Belle said with a grin on her face.

All of the CMCs then huddled together and gave a group hug.

THE END.

Comments

[gamernerd717]

This was so adorable. I like it.

[Mocha Star]

This was okay but it doesn't make much sense.
Have a like regardless for the effort.

[Mystico_]

11310645
How so? I would love criticism. It can help me to make better stories in the future and even update this story now to make it better! ^^

[Mystico_]

11309167
Glad you enjoyed it :)

[gamernerd717]

11310645
It’s clearly a slice of life story that was meant to be adorable fluff, so I enjoy it for its simplicity.

[Starswirl the Beardless]

I'm a bit confused about what this story is supposed to be. Normally, when people on this site write stories about tickling, those stories are meant to be lewd in nature. I'm assuming that wasn't your intent, since there's nothing particularly erotic in this story. That's not necessarily a bad thing, of course; you can have a purely platonic story about tickling, but there needs to be something else there to hook the reader other than lewdness. For me at least, that something wasn't there. You rushed through the setup with fast-paced, utilitarian prose just to get to the tickling, but once you got there, that's all there was. If you were trying to make this some lighthearted, cute character story, you could have done that, but that would have needed some little character moments and more details that just weren't there.

[Mystico_]

11323464
What do you think else could've hooked the reader? Tickling was the point of the story (which I'm sure you already figured out), but couldn't necessarily propose a better setup to transition to the tickling besides what's already done. I'm still relatively new to writing, so I'm still learning as days move on! This was supposed to be an improvement compared to the original 2020 version of the fanfic, but it's okay that there are still mistakes I should fix! I appreciate the criticism, seriously. So you don't know how much this comment means to me.

[Starswirl the Beardless]

11325904
Like I said before, there needs to be some meat to the story beyond just a description of the tickling itself. There are several ways you could take a setup like this, depending on what you're going for. You could turn it into a comedy by adding more humor or making the tickling sillier in nature. You could turn it into a mild romance by adding some cute, childish romantic moments. Given the premise you have, you could even make this a little bit darker by adding some more serious sadistic themes to the tickle-torture. (Personally, I wouldn't prefer that last option, but I'm sure someone on this site would.) Whatever you decide, make sure it's something that could be entertaining on its own, and let the tickling be the icing on the cake.