Chapter 3 - Read All About It
Leech gently lowered his altitude as he approached Canterlot's main street, his wings buzzing slower and slower until he gracefully ceased his flight. Unfortunately he'd stopped flapping his wings slightly too early, and somewhat ungracefully plummeted the last 10 feet or so.
Picking himself up and dusting himself off, all the while cursing himself for not practicing his landings more, Leech set off on hoof to complete the rest of his journey. The main street itself had bunting and flags suspended at various points above it as far as the eye could see, and so flying the last hundred or so yards to the Chronicle offices would have been hazardous at best.
As he trotted down the street, past the trendy al fresco bistro cafes and luxury clothing stores, the ponies all around stared at him. Or at least, some of them did - others turned their noses away in disgust, or leaned in to whisper to their friends, all the while keeping one eye on the oblivious changeling who merrily strolled past.
"I don't trust him one bit!" came a whisper from a table of a nearby bistro.
"Me neither, what a frightful beast!" came a muted reply from an unknown mare.
"What on Equestria persuaded the princesses to let him stay?" came another hushed comment, this time from a different group.
"I fear no creature... but that thing... it scares me." quietly added a deep voice from the crowds.
Leech didn't seem to notice, however - he continued excitedly down the street, bidding good morning to anypony who would listen. The majority ignored him, although some of the more friendly of Canterlot's residents returned the greeting politely. It wasn't clear whether Leech didn't hear the jibes aimed at him when he went out in public, or whether he'd simply become accustomed to them - for all of Canterlot's fast moving culture, it seemed that old prejudices held fast amid the torrent of constant change. Although the locals had tolerated Leech immediately after his and Trixie's arrival, the scars left in Canterlot's collective mindset by the changeling siege of the royal wedding ran deep. Public opinion soon began to go against Leech, although nopony would be so bold as to openly decry Celestia's judgement in letting him stay.
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His enthusiasm and anticipation distinctly undiminished, Leech trotted to the entrance to a broad, four story building between two jewellery stores at the far end of the main street. Its painted brickwork gleamed white in the morning sun, glowing even brighter than its golden-yellow painted doorframe and windowsills. A meticulously polished brass plaque to the left to the heavy, wooden, burgundy-painted front door identified it as the head office of the Canterlot Chronicle.
Leech raised his hoof to knock upon the door, when to his surprise it opened - Snap Happy had seen him coming. Alas, Leech noticed the opening door too late to stop his would-be door-knocking hoof impacting with Snap Happy's snout.
"Ack!" cried the off-white pegasus, stumbling back a few steps.
Leech was horrified!
"Oh my Zzcelezztia! Leech izz zzsorry for bopping new bozz on Leech'zz firzzt day! Pleazze forgive Leech!" he buzzed frantically, a pleading hoof reaching out towards the dazed head journalist.
Hastily gathering his bearings, Snap Happy stepped forward again and greeted Leech warmly.
"Think nothing of it, kiddo!" he said brightly with a smile, still rubbing his nose with a hoof. "Accidents happen, after all! Come on in, and I'll show you around!"
His cheeks still aflame with embarrassment, Leech nonetheless gingerly entered the office, trailing several steps behind Snap Happy.
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After Leech had been given a guided tour around the entire building, taking in everything from the production offices to the printing press, he and Snap Happy stood together in the typists' room. All around them, various pony journalists tapped away at typewriters, all of them totally focused upon their task. Every now and then, a reporter would enter and drop a page of notes upon the desk of one of the journalists before heading off to the dark room to develop the pictures they'd taken with their cameras.
Leech had never seen a group of ponies so contented with their work before - so passionate were the ponies with their chosen vocation, Leech was even able to absorb a small amount of the love they had for their jobs! Job satisfaction was a type of love that Leech had never sampled before - it had a unique flavor, not as sweet as 'normal' love, but still quite tasty. Leech quietly smacked his mandibles in satisfaction before turning to Snap Happy, who had been rooting around a nearby closet.
He held in his hooves two items - the first was a large, boxy, flash-bulb type film camera with a broad carrying strap, which he placed around Leech's neck. Secondly, he took a slightly tatty brown fedora hat, with a small white card with the word "PRESS" in bold black lettering printed on it tucked into the hat's chestnut-colored band. The hat was designed for a unicorn, and had a gap in the front of the brim - as such, it fit perfectly around Leech's horn when Snap Happy placed it upon his head.
"Well, Leech," said Snap Happy, stepping back to admire his work, "You certainly look the part, with your camera and your cliche hat! Now, let's see what you can do - for today's assignment, I want you to go out there and get me a real scoop."
"A zzscoop?" asked Leech, thoughtfully.
"Yep, this publication thrives on getting scoops as often as possible! Let's see if you can find me one." clarified Snap Happy.
"Zzsir, yezz zzsir!" Leech said, with a salute that knocked his hat over to one side of his head.
Too excited to bother fixing it, Leech dashed out of the typists' room, down two flights of stairs and back outside into Canterlot, his hooves barely touching the ground. Snap Happy simply gave a bemused sigh, rubbed a hoof through his short, turquoise mane and wondered what he'd let himself in for...
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Excitedly strutting back down the main street, Leech was having the time of his life, the door knocking incident having been long forgotten. He attracted the same filthy looks and whispered insults as before, but was still far too happy to take heed.
"Leech not only getzz new job, but getzz eazzy azzignment, and better zzstill, an awezzome hat!" he chattered to himself.
He strode on confidently - he knew exactly where he could get just what Snap Happy wanted, and knew the way there almost by instinct, being a frequent visitor to the place himself.
As he made his way down the Canterlot cobbles however, Leech noticed a commotion at a nearby clothing store. A crowd of ponies hurtled out of the door, screaming at the top of their lungs, with shredded remains of what appeared to be very expensive suits and dresses hanging from their bodies. Behind them, a gray earth pony wearing violet-tinted glasses ran out, with what had been an exquisitely styled lighter gray mane. Now, amidst the curls of his perfectly-coiffured locks, several small, round creatures nestled, some of them chewing at strands of the distressed pony's hair.
"My beautiful boutique!" wailed Hoity Toity, swatting at the creatures in his mane. "It's been overrun with these... ugh... parasprites! And it looks as if they've got very expensive tastes!"
Leech could see scores of the multicolored winged blobs through the boutique's windows, devastating any clothing item that they came across. His thoughts immediately turned to his beloved new head-wear.
"When parazzpritezz finished in zztore, parazzpsitezz might eat Leech'zz new hat!" he gasped. Clearly, this was a situation of some gravity.
Wasting no time, Leech turned on his hooves and began to run the back way he had come - he knew a different route to the place he wanted to go to anyway. It would take a little longer, but it didn't matter. Nothing was worth risking his prized hat for! He raced right down to the far end of the main street, back past the Chronicle offices, and disappeared down an alleyway.
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After cantering a short distance through the relative darkness of the shadowy alleyway, Leech emerged into the pleasant green scenery of Canterlot's central park. Seemingly a world away from the main street that was still relatively close by, pathways of cream-hued gravel snaked their way around breathtaking flowerbeds and immaculately kept lawns, with benches beside them every few yards. All around, ponies sat on benches and made polite conversation with one another, whilst others admired the flowers and scenery around them. As Leech made his way towards his intended destination, he noticed a pony he recognized sitting on a bench next to a large fountain in the very center of the park.
Canterlot celebrity and noblestallion Fancy Pants sat upon the bench, with a light green pegasus mare for company. He gently whispered pleasantries into her ear, before giving it a playful nibble. The pegasus mare giggled as she flicked a strand of her black mane from her face, and the two engaged in a passionate kiss. As Leech walked past, he couldn't help but sample some of the love they gave off. He instinctively coughed and retched - this love wasn't sweet at all! It tasted bitter and made Leech feel slightly nauseous. The sound of Leech's hacking and gagging attracted both of the embraced ponies' attention, causing them to disengage from each other and look at Leech in alarm.
"It's that changeling!" whispered the mare to Fancy Pants, panic in her voice, "And look! He's joined the press! What if he's taken photos of us!"
Fancy Pants retained the usual urbane, cool demeanor he was renowned for, although inside he was quite worried. He certainly didn't want his unicorn wife, Fleur, to find out about this!
"Don't worry my dear, I'll ensure none of this sordid business reaches anyone it should not. I'll wager that he doesn't even know who I am!" he said, with partially-forced confidence.
Getting up from the bench, he left his quivering partner for the moment and casually approached Leech.
"Hello, young colt!" he said politely. "Do you know who I am?"
Leech nodded.
"You are Fanzzy Pantzz, national zzcelebrity!" he said, looking up at Fancy Pants with a proud smile.
Fancy Pants' face began to flush, and his mask of confidence slipped as his brow involuntarily furrowed, and he began looking around as if trying to find a clue as to what to do next. Noticing a nearby pony collecting flowers, inspiration struck and he quickly regained his composure.
"That's right, my little friend." he continued with a smile. "But I'm not just a celebrity - in my spare time, I collect things. I have many exquisite collections of various items - and at the moment, I'm collecting camera film. I've got an extensive collection back at my mansion, and I need just one more type to complete it. And as luck would have it, the type I need is the same type as your camera uses! Would you be interested in selling it to me?"
With this, Fancy Pants levitated a wallet from his jacket pocket, and pulled out several pieces of paper. Leech's jaw dropped.
"Here," said Fancy Pants, "is one hundred bits. All you need to do is open your camera and give the film to me, and it's yours!"
"Zzsold!" replied Leech, gleefully removing the film from his camera and passing it to a relieved-looking Fancy Pants. In return, Fancy Pants rolled up the five twenty-bit bills and gently pushed them into one of Leech's foreleg holes.
"A pleasure doing business with you!" called Fancy Pants, as Leech continued on his way.
"What a zzsucker!" laughed Leech to himself as he exited the Canterlot central park with his now-filmless camera dangling uselessly against his chest. "That film only cozztzz five bitzz a roll!"
Presently, Leech approached his intended destination - Pony Joe's Donut Shoppe and Cafe. He stopped at the door and looked up at the building. Removing his newly-found wealth from his foreleg, he gave an approving nod and strolled inside.
"Zzsnap Happy will be zzso pleazzed with Leech, maybe give Leech promotion!" he buzzed.
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Back at the Canterlot Chronicle office, Snap Happy looked at the clock. The evening edition was due to go to press in 45 minutes, and they still didn't have a big scoop! He nervously paced up and down the production office, wondering where Leech could have possibly gotten to. His worrying was disrupted when he heard the front door bang shut and echo throughout the building's stairwell.
"Leech izz baaaack!" called Leech from the foot of the stairs.
"Excellent!" called Snap Happy from inside the office. "Did you find me a scoop?"
"Leech did better than that, Leech found you two hundred zzscoopzz!" came the response.
Snap Happy nearly collapsed in surprise. Two hundred scoops! That could keep the Chronicle in business for months, if not years! Could he have inadvertently stumbled upon the single greatest reporter that Canterlot had ever known? His surprise soon turned to shock as Leech entered the office...
... bringing with him the most gigantic ice cream sundae that Snap Happy had ever seen, two hundred light green scoops placed in a comically oversized wafer cone. Leech carefully maneuvered the colossal dessert into the office and placed the cone upon Snap Happy's desk, propping it up at either side with a typewriter and a book.
"Ta-daaaa!" said Leech proudly.
Snap Happy said nothing. He simply stared at the teetering treat with wide eyes, tiny pupils and an involuntary twitch in his left eyelid.
"Zzsnap Happy would not believe trouble Leech had to go through to get thizz!" he said.
"Oh... and what trouble would that be?" asked Snap Happy somewhat distantly, still unable to comprehend what he was seeing.
"Welllll...," began Leech, "Firzzt of all, Leech zzseezz fancy clothing zzstore get eaten up by parazzpritezz! Purple shadezz pony didn't look happy!"
Snap Happy suddenly jolted back into reality upon hearing this.
"What?! You mean Hoity Toity's boutique's been attacked by parasprites? Leech, did you get any pictures of this?" he asked urgently.
"Oh no, of courzze not. Don't worry zzsir, Leech wazzn't zzsilly enough to hang around there! Leech might have lozzt hizz hat!" Leech replied.
Snap Happy buried his face in his front hooves. This was almost too much to take!
"Zzso anyway, Leech hazz to go long way around to Pony Joe'zz, zzso Leech goezz though the park. Then Leech meetzz Fancy Pantzz, who offered Leech lotzz of money for hizz camera film!" continued Leech.
"Why did he do that?" asked a perplexed Snap Happy.
"He zzsaid he collectzz film!" replied Leech. "He zzseemed very keen, he even zzstopped kizzing hizz pegazzuzz wife to talk to Leech!"
"Pegasus wife? But Fancy Pants is married to a unic...." Snap Happy's voice trailed off as his eyes went wide again. "Leech. Please. Tell. Me. You. Got. Pictures."
"Why would Leech want picturezz of zzsome posh pony with wife? Fancy Pantzz gave Leech a hundred bitzz for hizz film - that'zz how Leech wazz able to get you zzso many zzscoopszz! Leech knew Pony Joe'zz zzstarted zzselling ice cream lazzt month, one bit for two zzscoopzz!" he said proudly.
Snap Happy said nothing, but merely wandered over to his desk and pulled out a small bottle labelled 'DeGroot's rum 1680'. He added a dash of its contents to his usual cup of coffee before swallowing the entire steaming beverage down in a single gulp.
"The story of the month and the scandal of the year, all in one day... and all he got was ice cream..." he sobbed to himself under his breath, before pouring himself another rum-infused coffee and downing it in one gulp again.
He turned back to the still-grinning Leech. He knew the changeling had much to learn, and ultimately meant well - plus, he'd helped save Snap Happy's life, so he couldn't possibly bring himself to be angry with Leech.
"Well, a good first day's work my friend!" he said with a forced smile and a quivering voice. "I'll sort a new film for your camera in the morning - meanwhile, go home and get a good night's rest!"
"Yezz zzsir!" said Leech firmly, saluting with his other forehoof and finally knocking his hat straight again. With this, Leech trotted away down the stairs and exited the building, the front door's slam again reverberating through the stairwell.
Snap Happy let out a long, despairing sigh. He wondered what in Equestria he'd let himself in for - the next few weeks were certainly going to be interesting to say the least! Noticing the giant ice cream still on his desk, and beginning to melt under the warmth of the office's lanterns, he gave the dessert a probing sniff followed by a curious lick. His frown soon faded and gave way to a broad, contented smile.
"Mmmm.... pistachio!"
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I can't help but love Leech, always a lovable character. Now I am wondering if affair love happen at all if they taste like that. Is it the sex part than? Perhaps perhaps.
Best wishes you awesome person you!
You have to give Leech credit. He actually knew how to use the camera this time. Granted, he has no perception of what is news worthy, but I have a feeling he's going to do a story on a certain unicorn friend of his...
At least his disappointment tastes delicious?
love that referance you put in to Team Fortress 2's Meet the Pyro. "I fear no creature... but that thing... it scares me."
1321759
Hehe... I always include at least one TF2 reference in all my stories. No idea why.
There's actually a second one in this particular story... Snap Happy's preferred drink is DeGroot's Rum 1680...
Well, I suppose Slap Happy DID get a scoop...all 200 of them...
Brilliant TF2 references right thar. I didn't notice the DeGroot one until you pointed it out. Hidden references are fun, aren't they?
Looking forward to more. Leech, we'll make a semi-competent reporter out of you yet!
ANOTHER amazing chapter keep up the good work
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Although unintentional, looking back I suppose Leech's obsession with his hat could be seen as a reference to the TF2 players themselves...
Oh Leech, you are best Changeling.
Love it. As always, it all (sort of in a way) works out in the end... even if, in future, Leech doesn't learn how to be a reporter.
The shenanigans in chapter three is overwhelming. Yay!
Seriously I think this was the funniest chapter so far in the entire trilogy. So also have saucy celestia face.
Fancy Pants. I am disappoint.
Poor Leech, he doesn't know better. Trixie really should have explained not to use slang around him.
Oh Leech, you silly Changeling you, and oh Fancy Pants you jerk, you're not as good as you're made out to be, and I'm surprised as Fluer is quite a beauty.
I laughed hard at the TF2 reference. I was holding my laugh back a bit and I ended up sounding like Pyro laughing.
It is great to see Leech's shenanigans again. Good old Leech.
I confess when Leech raced off and Snap happy didn't explain I was thinking something like this might happen XD Nicely done. I also like the idesa that Twi's parasprite affecting spell hasn't worn off.
1732435 Same, here. Can't blame Leech too much.
Yeah, I saw that coming.
And this is the chapter that won a "Like" from me! xD
This whole chapter was so much fun, once the word 'scoop' was made, it was obvious what Leech was going to bring back lol I loved the hat bit during the Hoity Toity store drama, it brought on a genuine facepalm and a stifled laugh. The merriment only doubled once Fancy Pants came into the picture. What a sucker indeed right? Oh Leech, for a changeling, you make me want to give you hugs during times like these!
I'm surprised at the ending shere, so I blame that on picturing the sundae being stacked too dangerously high and not in a wide & deep enough bowl as I was expecting that teetering and door slamming to lead to other things to Snap Happy. The ending really played to Snap Happy's name though, pistachio is an awesome flavor after all anyways!
...Leech is gonna go get ice cream, isn't he?
*gets to end*
I hope somepony answered that phone, because I BUCKING CALLED IT!