The Album

by Peregrine Caged

Rumble -- A Simple and Rumbly Day

Written by: Gecko
Rated Everyone

Rumble awoke slowly from his bed, not bothering to be quick since it was weekend. He could sleep as long as he wanted to, but now it was finally the time to wake.

He looked over at his clock and found that it was still only 10 am. He shrugged, not caring that it was still pretty early; at least he got to sleep as long as he wanted.

Nopony ever bothered to wake him up on weekends; it wasn’t like anypony was home. His parents were always on “Business trips” as his father had called it. Rumble had no idea what it really was, and honestly he didn’t care since he got to sleep in as long as he wanted! And his brother, well, he had weather duty; not exactly something you can skip out on. His brother always did brag about how he was better than Rainbow Dash, which he clearly wasn’t.

He went outside his room into the bathroom and did his business. He flushed and his stomach made a loud growl. Smiling, Rumble went downstairs into the kitchen. Standing in the entrance he decided that he should simply have some cereal--he was too lazy to do anything complicated and why would he? It’s the weekend!

He quickly finished his meal and put the dishes in the sink, not wanting to clean them. He looked at the clock. 10:15 am. He smiled and looked outside: the sun was shining and the weather pegasi were in full force dragging clouds all around the sky.

Deciding that it was a perfect day to go outside, he did.

He walked into the city, simply strolling, watching ponies going about their usual affairs. The apple merchants were yelling tag lines about the greatness of “Apple family apples” and they weren’t lying. Rumble had tasted the apples and they were amazing and “awesome” as his brother would say. Remembering his brother, he looked to the sky trying to spot him. But sadly, this wasn’t where his brother usually operated.

As he strolled through town he found that ponies--or at least the younger ponies--were gathering around Sugarcube Corner. Deciding he wanted to find out what was going on, he went over to the store.

When he got closer he saw a sign saying that today everypony under the age of ten would get one free cupcake. Excited, he bounced over to the store, flapping his wings to gain extra momentum.

Ten minutes later he happily walked out of the store with a cupcake in his mouth, munching on it energetically.

Remembering he had nothing planned for today he decided to just relax on a nearby hill. He walked towards the local hill with a single tree on it, which always made him scratch his head. Because how did a single tree exist alone on a hill? Unless somepony planted it…

Deciding not to think about it anymore, he laid down next to it, leaning onto the tree, just simply relaxing.

He looked to the sky with dreaming eyes. One day, he thought. Wanting to fly was something he had wanted since his brother started; Rumble had still been very young at the time, but he still remembered it. His brother had trained for weeks and when his teacher said he passed, he had been so excited.

Not a single day went by without Rumble thinking about flying. Rumble was determined that when he finally flew for the first time, he would never land. He would stay in the air forever. It always confused him that if it was as good as his brother told him, then why did his brother hang out with his friends on the ground? They were all pegasi after all!

He sighed. Then he heard something. He looked towards the source and found that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had crashed into some unlucky pony. The usual then, he thought as he laughed to himself; those three always got into trouble. It was almost like they were colts, they did such crazy things.

He closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of nature: birds were chirping and rabbits were bickering somewhere. The pegasi were still sorting the clouds, the sounds of them colliding could be heard. Probably due to Derpy, he thought as he continued to relax. He found himself drowsing off in a peaceful daze...

Rumble awoke with a shock. He was being shaken by somepony!

“Stoooop! I’m sleeping here!” Rumble protested as he rolled away from the pony shaking him.

“But bro, you can’t just lie around doing nothing all day! It’s not any fun!” Hearing the sound of his brothers voice made Rumble immediately jump right into the stallion, hugging him.

“OY! Chill bro, did anything happen? You seem a lot more huggy than usual.” Thunderlane pointed out as Rumble released his brother’s leg and smiled awkwardly. “Nothing then, that’s good, I was almost worried. But you can handle anything, can’t you bro?” he asked as he ruffled Rumble’s mane.

“Not fair! Now I get to ruin your mane!” Rumble exclaimed as he jumped onto his brother’s backside and started to ruffle his mane, making Thunderlane fall over laughing from the tickling sensation. Rumble fell off right next to him, laughing along with his brother. “Hehe, I know your weak spot now,” Rumble said between laughs.

“We’ll see about that,” his brother said as he grabbed Rumble and started blowing on his tummy.

“Hehehe! P-p-pleease stooop! Heheh!” Rumble laughed as his brother continued to blow his tummy for a couple of seconds before stopping and kissing Rumble on his forehead. “Ewww! Gross! What gives bro?” Rumble asked with a disgusted look on his face.

“Nothing, I just love ya bro!” Thunderlane said as he stood up from the grass beneath the tree. Rumble saw his brother looking at him staring at the sky. “Say what bro, what about I take you for a flight eh? I don’t do that enough.” This made Rumble smile really largely and made him hug his brother’s leg yet again.

“You would do that? I would love to! You’re the best bro ever!” Rumble exclaimed happily as he jumped onto his brother’s back again, grabbing hold tightly.

They later arrived at their home, with Rumble beaming brightly. Thunderlane was happy for his brother’s happiness.

Rumble slumped onto the couch, a big smile still on his face, and fell asleep at 3 pm.

Comments

[reader of the night]

Ahh, makes me renember the times when i was a little kid.
Such free time, hardly any responsibilities and not a care in the world.
Just me, my friends and the world.

[JapaneseTeeth]

Nicely done. Also, you might want to take that typo note at the end.

[DeadpanStare]

Sorry to be that annoying one, but: "Exited, he bounced over to the store."

[Peregrine Caged]

1396606 1397334
Thank you and thank you. Goes to show, no matter how carefully you go over something, there's always things to miss.

[CanterlotGuardian]

loved this one.

[Dapurple]

Wow, this collab has such talented authors. I hope my story will be any good.

[statoose]

Overall, I found this story to be rather uninspired. It's a fun little concept, but it needs a lot of work.

First off, something you'll want to work in is 'showing and not telling'. Let me make an example:
-Rumble awoke slowly from his bed, not bothering to be quick since it was weekend. He could sleep as long as he wanted to, but now it was finally the time to wake.
This reads very bluntly. Here's how I'd spruce it up a bit:
As Rumble awoke, he didn't bother with being quick -- He always made the best of the opportunity he got to sleep in on the weekends. The grey colt looked at his clock to find the time was 10:00 AM -- A bit early for a sleep-in, but he felt it was nonethelesss time to wake.

Another thing is that the whole story reads rather awkwardly. Try reading what you write out-loud to yourself, it helps quite a bit.
Here's an example of awkwardness:
-He would stay in the air forever. It always confused him that if it was as good as his brother told him, then why did his brother hang out with his friends on the ground?
It feels like my brain trips over this sentence when I read it.

As for content of this story as a whole, as I said before, it's a cute little concept of pure innocence and contentment that is enjoyable to read - "A simple and Rumbly day" portrays it perfectly. It just needs more detailing, as the whole story felt quick and rushed. Take your time to lay things out properly.

Also, you overused the word "bro" just a tad in the dialogue. :P

[Azyrre]

Pretty much exactly agree with 1456500 Statoose.

[LoveAndTolerateEveryPony]

This story made me go DAW! it was short, but so cute!
~LATEP