Starlight Glimmer's First Student: A "Human"?!

by Clockwork2003

Chapter 29: Noah The Human: Ace Attorney!

Starlight Glimmer:

You’re kidding me. You are bucking kidding me, right?! A deadlocked Bridle! Forty-nine votes for no, forty-nine for yes, and one abstention. This is absolutely absurd and makes my blood boil! Who is the damn pony who’s holding this procedure up for the rest of us? Don’t these cretins understand that by keeping the school closed, innocent kids and young adults are being left behind! Do they want innocent human blood on their hands? Innocent blood of anycreature frankly! I tap my student on the shoulder, and I cast a spell, showing him the manifest of who voted for what during this hearing. The only pony who didn’t vote yet is Fancy Pants, who represents Canterlot itself in the Bridle.

“Noah. I know a fair amount about Fancy’s voting history. He’s quite lenient on Friendship cases, but his constituents are rather intolerant, typical of their elitist status. I would hope that Fancy Pants goes above and beyond his constituents’ demands and votes his conscience. We need his vote. The darn unicorn is the kingmaker!” I explain to him. Noah looks at Twilight with concern.

“Do you know this Fancy Pants guy?” He asks my teacher. Twilight shakes her head, affirming she knows him. “I know of him, Noah. We’ve met a few times, but he’s not in my inner circle. Again, as Starlight proved to you, I know nothing about Canterlot politics, and I am a freaking princess!”

Well, that doesn’t help much. How am I supposed to know how this dolt is supposed to vote on such a crucial issue! It doesn’t matter. The abalatser unicorn lights up his horn, signaling that he wishes to speak.

“Princess Celestia, before I cast my vote, I would like to speak directly to this “man”. Is it within my powers to do so?” Fancy Pants asks the sun deity. She is sitting on her chair at the head of the Bridle, front hoof on her face in pensive thought. She nods. “Yes, you may question him. Be objective and fair. Noah, come forward. You may bring Starlight with you.”

Wait, I have to go with him, too? This is changing rather quickly. Noah stands up, and I stand up next to him. He’s sweating profusely, and I feel his heart beating rather quickly. I hope Fancy Pants is considerate of Noah’s various neurodiverse conditions and doesn’t make this harder on either of us. Noah and I step forward to the mahogany desk in front of us. Fancy Pants gets up from his seat, and eyes my student rather carefully. He clears his throat and begins his cross-examination.

“What is your name, “man”?” Fancy Pants asks, starting with a reasonable question.

“Noah, my name is Noah.” My student says, his voice quivering in fear. Fancy Pants chuckles, and smiles. “Don’t be afraid, Noah. I am not going to bug you. I just wanted to hear what you have to say for yourself regarding your stay in Equestria. You must be very lucky, to befriend a Princess and become her co-equal sovereign. Tell me what you think?”

Well, this makes things a bit easier for him. Noah looks at me, and shoots off a telepathic query: “Do I tell him everything?” He asks me, wondering if he should bother mentioning our romantic endeavors. I nod in agreement.

“Be honest. It’s what Applejack would do. Even if the truth is a bit weird, it’s better than making something up.” I reply. He severs the connection and begins his forthcoming response to Fancy Pants.

“Well, I’ve been here for a few months. Starlight showed up at my house on Earth, and she told me what her mission is.” Noah begins to explain. Fancy Pants is taking scrupulous notes on Noah’s testimony, hoping to find something that can influence his final decision. “She told me that the “Cutie Map” signaled that I was in need of a friend, and Starlight was willing to make the jump to befriend me.”

“And you have “autism”, correct. Can you explain to me what this condition entails?” Fancy Pants asks, genuinely interested in Noah’s neurodiverse state.

“Uh… Autism is complicated, Fancy Pants. Not everybody manifests the disorder in the same way. The way that I appear in front of you isn’t how Princess Twilight’s autism appears, or Maud Pie’s, or anyone else’s back on Earth. Each individual person has their own set of symptoms. That’s why it’s called a “spectrum disorder”. Now, for me, the condition just makes it difficult to be in certain social situations.” Noah tells Fancy Pants.

“Go on?” He pesters Noah.

“Well…Before I met Starlight, it wasn’t easy for me to have a conversation with someone, and I also had trouble making eye contact. Other humans frequently bullied me when I was younger for this.” Noah explains as I hold his hand. Fancy Pants takes notice of this. I wonder if this will make things worse or not!

Fancy Pants examines Noah very carefully and proceeds with his next question. “What kind of lessons did you take with Princess Starlight? What is the curriculum of the School of Friendship? If your teacher, and Princess Twilight for that matter, expect to receive any funding for this project, we need to know what these students are going to be learning.”

With a flash of Twilight Sparkle’s horn, Fancy Pants receives a compact, abridged version of the Friendship curriculum. He promptly and speedily scans through the document and smiles. He seems satisfied, but I would be an idiot to think that this would be all I needed to convince Fancy Pants of our intentions!

“This seems like a reasonable proposal, however, I have a few more questions before I decide on my vote. Now, in your opinion, Noah, tell me why humans deserve to have ponies befriend them? Chancellor Neighsay made a very compelling argument on why your race deserves to be left behind. Prove him wrong.”

Oh gosh! This is a very abrupt turn for Fancy Pants. Even the gallery agreed with me because they all gasped in horror. Why would this pony ask an eighteen-year-old kid such a serious question? Can Noah even act as a good representative for all of humanity?! This seems like way too much to ask somecreature, neurodivergent or otherwise! Noah looks at me with a hint of fear. I give him a wink and smile. “Come on kid, you can do it. I believe in you!”

Twilight also smiles at my student with sincerity and kindness. “You can do it, Noah. We’re with with you, always.”

***

Noah:

Wait, they’re all with me? That’s reassuring, but I have NO idea how to answer a question of such serious magnitude. There are over eight billion people on Earth. Who am I to speak on their entire behalf? That seems absurd! I magick a glass of water, and chug it down. The ice-cold refreshment helps to soothe my nerves. I take a few deep breaths, and I focus.

“Come on, Noah. You got this. Your marefriend believes in you, the Princess of Friendship believes in you, and my colleagues believe in me. Do something bigger than yourself for once!” I remind myself. I take one more deep breath before I attempt to convince Fancy Pants of humanity’s merits.

“Fancy Pants. Humanity is a lost cause.” Everyone around me gasps, and Chancellor Neighsay sports a maniacal grin.

“We are guilty of all the things that Chancellor Neighsay accuses us of, from deceit, baseless hatred, and ecological collapse. We are a naturally selfish race, and spend very little time, if not none at all, caring for others. If we’re lucky, we care for ourselves as well.”

Starlight Glimmer knows where I am going with this, so she’s not too concerned with my cynicism. Twilight Sparkle, on the other hand, looks like she is about to blow a fuse. Her mulberry face is turning beet red with pure unadulterated rage, and she looks like she’s going in for the kill! The gallery also can’t believe what they’re hearing. I hear whispers of “he’s shooting himself in the foot.” and “why is he arguing against his own goals?”

“Even with all of those problems we as humans have, I still believe that some of us are worthy of Friendship. The problem with humans is that we often trust incapable people of ruling over us, and these individuals often make decisions that affect everyone. The desire for power and control warps people’s minds for the worse and turns once reasonable people into inhuman monsters. A very small group of people often make decisions on behalf of the many. It is for this reason that I believe humanity at least deserves a chance.”

Now, for the meat of the argument. The neurodiversity stuff. My personal specialty! “In one country on Earth called the United States, one in fifty-nine schoolchildren have a form of autism spectrum disorder, and one in ten have a learning disability. These kids aren’t able to socialize or experience things like their neurotypical peers can, and I would be quite confident to say that they often feel marginalized and excluded. What I love about you ponies, for the most part, that is, is that you don’t care if somecreature has trouble with something. You are naturally altruistic, and stand up for the little guy.”

Starlight cracks her signature villain’s grin, and Celestia smiles at my charisma. Twilight’s rage begins to subside, and she listens attentively to what I have to say. “Even in Equestria, ponies with my kind of challenges are accepted for who they are, and considered full members of society. Heck, your own Princess of Friendship is also on the autism spectrum! She experienced something very similar to what I had. Celestia aided her in finding friends, and if somepony didn’t help her, she’d still be a unicorn recluse to this day!”

Twilight chuckles at my use of hyperbole, and finally calms down completely. Now, to close my argument and finish the job! “Ponykind has a golden opportunity to prove that its natural talent for altruism won’t go to waste. In the short time since I arrived, I’ve learned so many things about social skills, pragmatism, and Friendship. I wish that my teachers on Earth had poured the amount of time and energy into my wellbeing as Starlight did for me.”

Aw, I’m making Starlight cry. I hope it’s tears of joy! She puts her wing around me in a side hug.

“Can’t you see how my arrival has had nothing but positivity for everypony? I inadvertently deified Starlight, and now a few humans can learn magic and make friends. This is the happiest ending one can possibly dream of, and I implore you to cast your vote in favor of overruling Chancellor Neighsay’s veto.”

When I finish my address, I go in for a full hug with Starlight Glimmer. She’s a hot mess, and I don’t blame her. “You have a way with words, Noah.” Starlight says, finally composing herself enough to sit down with poise. I sit down next to her, and Twilight sighs.

“You really need to work on the beginnings of those speeches. I was moments away from zapping you to the moon!” The Friendship mare chuckles.

“Yeah yeah, I know. Let’s see how Fancy Pants votes on this.” I say, quickly bringing everypony’s attention to the important matter at hand.

“Is that all you have to say, Noah?” Fancy Pants asks me. I nod. “Yes, it is. I have nothing more to say. Is that alright?” I ask, just to make sure I covered all my bases. He nods and sits down.

“I need a few minutes to go over my notes, and then I will cast my vote. Please be patient.” Fancy Pants says, bringing his papers to eye level. Really? I am already stressed out of my mind! What is this stallion trying to do to me?! Each second of the next few minutes feels like an eternity in time. Relativity’s a bitch, am I right?

***

Starlight Glimmer.

Come on, come on, you slow pony! Vote already! I hope my rider was convincing enough for you because if not, I don’t know what I am going to do with myself. There are dozens of humans waiting on this decision, who are more than eager to begin their Friendship studies! I know he’s a Bridle pony and couldn’t give one shit about this, but come on! As annoyed as I am, even a radical leftist pony like me knows when to keep her muzzle shut.

Finally, after fifteen long, arduous minutes, Fancy Pants ignites his horn. If he selects the green ballot, the school is dead on arrival. If he selects the red ballot, Chancellor Neighsay’s veto is overruled, and nopony can contest my school again. I look at Twilight, she looks at Noah, and Noah looks at Fancy Pants. The suspense is palpable!

His magical signature hovers over the two selections, alternating between the green and red options. Finally, after a few more moments of deliberation, Fancy Pants selects…

The Red One!

Princess Celestia bangs her gavel with authority. “We have a final tally of 50-49, with one abstention. Chancellor Neighsay’s motion to close Princess Twilight and Princess Starlight’s school fails. The school is open for learning!

With those words, the entire viewer’s gallery broke out into spontaneous ovation. I know that Noah and Shaun probably both have a variety of sensory issues, but come on! This could be a courtroom drama or a theatre production! Princess Celestia smiles at Fancy Pants and says. “I’m proud of you. I was banking on the school to open. You have done a great service to Equestria.”

In my brief moment of ecstasy, I grab my human and hug him very tightly. Twilight joins the hug. Lyra and Trixie both jump over the side of the viewer’s gallery and dogpile the poor boy!

“You did it, kid. You bucking did it!” Lyra cheers, very glad for her friend. “I knew you could get our school up and running again. You’d be one hell of a Rider of Justice. I hope Starlight’s proud of you.”

“Trixie is thrilled! She doesn’t understand anything about legal procedure, but you gave an amazing testimony to Fancy Pants! Now our school can open on Monday!”

Finally, Princess Twilight gets her turn to congratulate my rider. “Well, you did it, kid. We’ve got ourselves a school. When we get back to Ponyville, I am going to write letters to the nonpony leaders informing them of the Bridle’s ruling. I’ll have your sister send a message to Earth. Class starts on Monday at 8:30. Be there, or be square!”

I aid Noah in squirming out of the dogpile hug, and the two of us kiss deeply. “You did it, stud. I’m so proud of you.” I cry, kissing him even more.

“Ahem”, a regal voice says, tapping her golden hoof on Noah’s shoulder. He abruptly stops kissing me and turns around to see Princess Celestia with a warm, genuine smile on her face.

“I know this must have been hard for you, but you did something beautiful today, Noah. I am sure Starlight is proud of you for adhering to her gut principle of sticking up for those who cannot do so themselves.” Celestia says, placing a gentle kiss on Noah’s forehead.

“Aw, thanks.” He blushes.

“How about we all have a pizza party at my castle? It’s lunchtime, and I think we all deserve a chance to celebrate.” Celestia offers, waving to Pinkie Pie. She and the rest of the “Mane Six” were off congratulating Twilight on her testimony.

“Pinkamena Diane Pie, reporting for duty!” The party pony says with ambition.

“I need some help with something only you can help me with, Pinkie,” Celestia says, whispering the pizza party plan to the earth pony mare. She smiles and nods.

“Pizza parties?! I love pizza!” Pinkie says, quickly disappearing to plan for the imminent luncheon.

I give Noah a look, and he knows what it means. The two of us trot outside with much fanfare and praise, surrounded by ponies who were on our side. Noah casts a quick spell and helps me saddle up for the flight to Celestia’s castle.

“Are you ready to ride, O student of mine?” I jest, the metal bit a bit finicky today. Noah quickly fixes it, before mounting me.

“Yes, ma’am!” He smiles, spurring me into a gallop. Everypony makes room for us to take off, and we launch ourselves en route to Celestia’s castle for a well-deserved pizza party!

“You know what? I’m making an executive decision just now. You are a Friendship graduate!” I say with pride, tears flowing down my muzzle.

“Wait, really?” Noah asks, before noticing a small medallion being placed on his shirt with my magic. It reads “Friendship Graduate”.

“Yes, yes you are! The ultimate test of Friendship is offering it to somecreature who needs it the most. It’s what turned me into a goddess. Now, you’ve mastered it. I hope you are as good at teaching Friendship as you are learning it!” I say with a bit of sarcasm in my voice. For that slight infraction, Noah spurs me a bit faster, although he’s very gentle!

We did it, kid. We did it. I can’t wait to teach with you on Monday.

Comments

[Theresa]

At least the pandemic might be good for something. I heard that they are updating the rules for schools when it comes to disabilities. I personally believe that every school should help all their students reach their star. Maybe some folks stars will be more than others but if you aren't willing to give 100% especially to those who are giving their best how will they ever find their star. Who knows maybe these kids in your story will make a brighter future.

[fanreader999999]

Hmmmmmmm….