Chapter 2: Orientation Day (And Politics!)
This… this reaction that Twilight’s friends are giving me is really weird. Is it because I have a human sitting on me?
“Umm, Starlight? What is that thing crushing you? Aren’t you worried you’ll get hurt?” Pinkie Pie asks me, being the first pony in the Elements to comment on my abrupt arrival. She gets up from her chair and trots over towards me slowly. She eyes Noah carefully…and is confused.
“What are you, weird creature? Why are you hurting Starlight?” Pinkie says, in a slightly accusatory fashion.
I notice that Noah shifts his weight a bit, uncomfortable with the fact that he can now understand what my fellow ponies are saying. When I used the Universal Translation Spell, it must have given him a perfect understanding of Ponish! That could prove to be useful…or detrimental. I need to analyze this further! Maybe Princess Twilight will know what the problem is! Regardless, I have a feeling that Noah is going to defend himself. His file says that even though he’s shy and timid, he doesn’t back down from false accusations!
“Actually…whatever your name is. I am not hurting Starlight. According to Starlight’s teacher, which, for all I know, could be you, this was the only way for me to make it to Equestria in the first place. I can’t use magic!”
Noah was very brief with his defense, and I noticed that the other ponies in the room looked really uncomfortable seeing me carrying a human. Pinkie Pie goes back to her chair, and sits down, doodling something on a piece of paper.
“Noah…I think you should climb down now…I don’t want to cause a scene!” I say to him, turning my head to him so we can talk properly.
He shudders: “I…it took me ten minutes to get on. I am not the most agile human. C…can you use that magic you have to help?” He asks, quite bluntly. Twilight chuckles and teleports in front of the two of us. She uses her magic to gently lift Noah off of my body and place him on the floor.
“You can take that silly outfit off, Starlight. I don’t think you are going to need it again!” Twilight says, before realizing she needs to put on her “Statespony” face to talk to my student. Inferring that Twilight wants me to take this “outfit” off, with a flash of my horn, I am back to my old pony self, putting these bizarre items away in my apartment!
Twilight is a bit taller than me since she’s an alicorn. While I don’t need to tilt my head up to talk to her, Noah was a bit terrified seeing an alicorn princess. He tried to look and act brave, but since emotions are my forte, I know he’s quivering in his boots!
“So…Noah. Welcome to Equestria! You are the first “He-you-main” ever to visit! I hope that I can offer you the best hospitality possible under the circumstances. My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle, and I am the Princess of Friendship!” Twilight reaches out her front left hoof to shake with Noah, and it takes him an extra minute to realize that he needs to shake “hands” with the Princess. Noah walks over to me and whispers: “Do I have to bow or anything? I don’t want to look rude!”
I chuckle: “No bowing…at least for today. Go on, shake Twilight’s hoof!” I say softly, using my magic to gently push him towards the alicorn. Hesitantly, he shakes the mare’s hoof.
“Nice to meet you, Noah!” Twilight says, before eyeing her friends with a stink eye. All five of them reply in unison: “Nice to meet you, Noah!” Twilight gives both of us a sheepish grin, and sighs. “They’re not really good with new things. Friendship comes easy to them, but mainly with other ponies. Spike is an exception….oh, right, the program!”
Twilight uses her magic to pull over a much smaller folder with around fifty pages inside. She hands it to Noah, and he looks through it, as the pages magically translate into his language!
“So…while you are here, Noah, you will learn key aspects about Friendship each and every day! While Starlight is your teacher, I will be checking in from time to time in order to ensure everything goes as smoothly as possible. This course will contain both theoretical and practical components. Any questions?”
Noah takes a few minutes to read through the course syllabus before he looks at me. “This stuff seems rather reasonable. Learning how to have a proper conversation, empathy lessons, what to do if something bad happens to a friend…and a GALA? Why would I have to go to a dance?”
Oh, horseapples! I totally forgot that the Grand Galloping Gala is next week, and I guess Noah will have to attend. I remember reading something in his file that states he doesn’t like large crowds or excessive noise…oh well! He’ll figure it out eventually!
I look at him and smile: “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, do you have any questions for Princess Twilight?” He turns around to look at the alicorn princess, and…asks something rather audacious!
“Do you think that I will be able to learn magic?! I saw Starlight do some really cool stuff when she was on my planet, and my life would be a WHOLE lot easier if I could move things with my mind. I assume you can do that also since you have a horn on your head; but do other ponies use magic? Could humans learn mag-”
Twilight interrupts him by putting a wing over his mouth, promptly shutting him up.
“Aww…how cute! The “human” wants to learn magic!” Rarity scoffs from her chair. For a generous pony, she’s sure being a piece of work today!
“Rarity! That’s not very nice of you!” Twilight snaps, to which Rarity shuts up, crossing her gray hooves over her chest in frustration. I guess nopony likes being chastised!
Twilight takes a minute to think about how she should answer this rather strange question posited by Noah. Realizing that she can’t say something too blunt (even though she probably should!), she opens her telepathic line with me:
“Do I tell him that unicorns (and alicorns) are the only ponies who can cast magic directly?” Twilight says, astonished that my student would ask such a strange question.
“You probably should, Princess. This kid doesn’t understand sarcasm or nuance, and if you say something not true, he’ll believe it!”
Well, that was the end of that. Twilight severs the connection, and takes a deep breath, before giving the rather boring news to Noah.
“I don’t think it’s possible, Noah. You see, unicorns can cast magic because of their horns. There are trillions upon trillions of nerve endings in there, and not to mention that unicorn DNA has three helices, while your DNA has two, and-”
Noah actually took this better than I would have thought! He interrupted the princess and said: “It’s okay, Ma’am. I get it. I just thought I’d ask. I mean, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and since making friends is something that I have never been able to do before, I thought I’d ask something else that was impossible!”
Woah…I didn’t expect that kind of answer. This guy’s smart! Apparently, this response was so riveting that Fluttershy began to cry!
“Aww! He’s so cute and innocent! Can’t there be a way for him to learn magic? He didn’t even think Friendship was possible!” It’s typical of Fluttershy to be the empathetic pony. What I am still unsure of is whether this empathy is genuine, or the kind of affection she shows to her animal companions.
Twilight also wasn’t expecting such a moving response, and this actually took her back for a moment! She promptly asks an additional question.
“Noah…I am very interested in learning more about your species. Can I…I know it sounds silly, but I need a DNA sample from you so I can see what your species is and how it works, the potential for evolution, and whatnot. Anyways, my question is: can I have one hair? Maybe your DNA could work with magic, but I won’t know for sure unless I take my time and look over the raw data!”
I could tell that Noah wanted to laugh, but he realized that the alicorn was serious as the day was long. He uncomfortably plucked a hair from his head and handed it to Twilight, who promptly enveloped it in her magic’s grasp and teleported away!
“Noah, don’t worry, she does this kind of stuff all the time, she should be back in a few minutes. Knowing her, maybe five or ten?” I tell him, as he continues to look at the curriculum Twilight developed for him.
“It seems our first lesson today is Listening. When do we get started on that?” He asked me. I grab the syllabus from him and look it over.
“Whenever Twilight gets back with your DNA and answers your question, I think we can get started promptly afterward!”
While the two of us are waiting, Noah is unsure about what to do. Mostly he is just staring at the Cutie Map, fascinated with this piece of magical technology and its potential uses. As much as I want to explain how it works to him, seeing Noah in this state of foallike wonder is really endearing!
“What…what is that thing?” Noah asks anypony who is willing to listen.
“Oh, that’s a cutie map, weird guy. It shows us where there are Friendship Problems and who’s best suited to solve them. Usually involving a bit of action!” Rainbow Dash says quickly.
“I don’t think that would make sense to a creature who’s never seen magic before, sugarcube.” Applejack pipes in, before Twilight teleports back into the Cutie Map room, holding a glowing test tube in her magic, goggles perspiring with tears of joy!
“SWEET CELESTIA HUMAN DNA IS INSANE!” Twilight says, fluttering in the air with joy. Quickly spawning her notebook, she writes down all of her findings rather quickly and shows them to me. I take her notebook and realize what’s so exciting:
Human DNA cannot create magic, but it can channel magic. This means that if Noah wanted to learn simple spells like telekinesis, “Want it, Need it”, or even matter manipulation, he could, as long as another pony provides him with a small bit of magic to store in his body!
I look at my student, who is wondering what the hubbub is all about, and I smile at him.
“It looks like you might be able to learn some magic, BUT only if another pony gives you permission. MAYBE if you do well with your Friendship Studies, I can teach you something, but Friendship Lessons come first. Understood?”
Noah takes a minute to process this new information and then does something…drastic. He hugs me! I take it the poor adolescent hasn’t seen much affection in his life, because he’s hugging me so hard that I am having a bit of trouble breathing.
“I am glad you're happy, Noah, but we have our first friendship lesson to start. We can do it at my place, but nothing’s going to happen if you just stand there hugging me like a dope!” I tell him, gently separating our two bodies. I have to admit, I find him cute…not in a foalhood crush kind of way, but in a “I want to help him” kind of way. I wonder what he thinks?
“Well, that just about settles it. I hereby inaugurate the first-ever Friendship Exchange program with the race known as “humans”. Good luck, Noah, and I hope you can learn the Magic of Friendship! OOH! I almost forgot something,” Twilight says, quickly handing me another piece of paper that was on her throne at the head of the Cutie Map.
I look at the paper and see that it’s a check for exactly 10,000 bits.
“That should be enough for thirty days living stipends for Noah…although he COULD live with you, if he wants to…besides, he might want clothes, or food, or a book to read…or-”
Noah smiles with a sense of relief: “I was wondering how I was going to be able to eat around here. I appreciate the offer! I don’t know what the real estate near here is like, but I do know that even if I lounge around Starlight’s place, I am going to need food! Thank you so much for the kind stipend, Ma’am!”
Rarity is impressed with the lad’s manners! “Well well well, it looks like someone is going to pass my etiquette class with flying colors! But…I cannot know for sure. We’ll reconvene in three days’ time for that lesson. We’re going to have so much fun, Darling!”
We both smile, and I lead the way towards my apartment, Noah following me close by. Noah is much more fit than I am because he’s already down one whole flight of stairs in the castle while I am barely halfway down! I can’t believe how much I relied on teleporting in the past. I could use the exercise! Noah is kind enough to wait for me to make my way down the first flight before continuing, although I wonder if that is for his own benefit because he doesn’t know where anything is.
“So, Starlight, I have a question for you. Who are you exactly? I mean, you know a lot about me, but I don’t know a lot about you. While I am not a Friendship expert, far from it, in fact, I’d wager that knowing a bit about someone…or in this case…somepony would be a good place to start. It could very well tie in with listening!” I have to give Noah credit. When he wants to be smart, he’s very smart, but he needs to work on the delivery of his questions! We continue to walk down the stairs as I give him a little rundown of my life.
“Well. I wasn’t always a Friendship teacher. You are my first student, and before I even knew Twilight, I was actually the mayor of a quaint little town, where everypony was equal in Harmony!” Of course, I have to add my revisionist history to this. Poor boy won’t care or know the difference! What are the odds he even knows about the Staff of Sameness, anyways?
He is a bit startled by this revelation but doesn’t make much of this new information.
“Go on, Starlight, I am listening.” He says, snidely at that. Oh well, might as well continue anyways.
“Oh, sure thing! Do you see the mark I have on my flank?” I ask him quite bluntly. He stops walking and chuckles. “You want me to look at your butt? No thank you, Miss Starlight. I am not a pervert!”
Aww…how cute! I am starting to grow on the human. He’s a fun one, at that.
“Not my buttocks, silly, my flank, where my body meets my legs. There is a distinction there. All ponies have them, and they are colloquially known as “Cutie Marks.” Each pony has their own Cutie Mark, signaling what makes them unique, and they usually come around the time a pony hits puberty. In my town…nopony had Cutie Marks, because that makes everypony equal, and that way nopony would think they were better or worse than somepony else!”
Obviously, I am not going to go into the finer details about this, but I will entertain whatever questions Noah has.
“That…that sounds like Communism, Starlight. Back on my planet, a few countries tried that, and millions upon millions of humans died, either through mass murder, negligence, or both! From what little information I have about your town, it seems that if nopony had any cutie marks then they didn’t have passion for anything. What would have made them special? A free-market economy is the best way to ensure that passions can be developed, and for money to be made by everyone. Everypony wins!”
WHY THAT LITTLE CAPITALIST SCUM…-right. Noah thinks I was just part of the system, not the one who put it into place.
“Yeah…I was “saved” by Twilight Sparkle and her five friends. It was actually the first mission of that Cutie Map you saw earlier. It’s crazy, actually how things turn out.”
I…I am really stunned. How can anyone be as smart as this human and fall for such fallow nonsense! Even Twilight Sparkle conceded that a few of my ideas were noteworthy, but the application wasn’t done properly! Ugh…I will save his soul later, first I will give him friends!
“Anyways…before that, I was a bit like you, actually. I didn’t have many friends, and the one friend that I had wasn’t that nice to me, even though I was nice to him! I understand how you feel, and I think that you did a good job with Friendship Lesson #1, and we haven’t even left the castle yet!” Well, that technically isn’t true, because we made our way to the front gate, and we’re waiting for the guards to lower the drawbridge.
As we were waiting, I had a crazy idea. It’s amazing what hindsight can do! While I initially found it weird at first, the concept of having a human sit on me is…interesting. I have a lot of sore muscles, and for the first time in ages, I wasn’t tense in my shoulders! Is it the extra weight? Is it psychological? I really don’t know! Nah, I won’t ask him again until later. He’ll think I am a creep. The pegasi guards finally lower the drawbridge, and the two of us walk out quietly. Once we made our way off of Twilight’s property, the rest of the walk was met with…staring, both at me and towards Noah. I am used to ponies staring at me because of what kind of a jerk I was, but I felt bad for Noah. He didn’t deserve to be stared at. I’m glad these ponies are nice enough to not say anyth-
“WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA IS THAT THING?!” A small, orange pegasus filly exclaims to her two friends.
“I…I don’t know, what do you think, Sweetie Belle?” the second one asks.
“Beats me…what I know is that, if whatever that thing is is hanging out with Starlight Glimmer, I worry for its sanity!”
Noah definitely heard that last comment from Sweetie Belle, and he wanted to say something, but I gave him a look and he kept his muzzle…er…his mouth shut. Save for those three annoying ponies, the rest of the walk was quiet, and we finally made our way up the rickety stairs to my flat. Using my magic to open the door, Noah walks around and is a bit concerned at how tidy my place is.
“I…I would kill to have a house this neat, Starlight. I am horrible with executive functioning, and-”
I put a hoof on his shoulder and pointed to the bathroom: “Wash your face. You’re sweaty. When you’re done, come back here and I’ll show you where my books are.”
It didn’t take more than that to get Noah to listen to me. He goes to the bathroom, promptly washes his face, and comes back, forgetting to dry his face completely. I am happy that the water isn’t dripping everywhere, especially on the wooden floor! I don’t want it to warp again!
“So…where are your books, anyways? Also, it’s around lunchtime. What is there to eat around here?” He asks me, looking outside my window to see what there is to see.
“How about…pizza? Margarita the Pizza Pegasus delivers, and I am sure that humans like pizza as much as ponies do!” I say genially. Come on, it’s his first day, give the boy some comfort food!
“I am always down for pizza, Starlight. Now, about those books? ANY ON MAGIC?!”
I chuckle, and I point to my bookshelf across the hall. Quickly casting the Universal Translation Spell, my entire library is now in Noah’s native language. He picks up the first tome he sees and sits down on the faux-leather sofa, and begins to read “Magic for Derpies”.
Oh, I remember that book from my foalhood! While he’s reading, I make sure to use my unicorn frequencies to place the pizza order. I’m taking my usual: Green olives with cherry cola, and…well since everypony’s equal, Noah will have the same! I am sure he won’t mind. Besides, he’s cute. I don’t think that’ll be a problem for him.
“Hmmm. Law of Equivalent Exchange. We have something like that back on Earth. It’s called Alchemy!” I hear Noah exclaim, my ears perking up at the sudden shift in noise.
“Well, alchemy is a kind of magic- wait, I thought humans don’t have magic?” I ask him, a bit confused by the change of pace.
“They don’t. The alchemy didn’t work, but it gave us some advancements in early technology!” He says promptly. I really am starting to like the human, but not physically! I like his intellect. He was able to counter my beliefs, as stupid as his are, and can pick up advanced concepts in a jiffy!
I think Friendship Lessons will go just fine…Let’s just hope he wants to be my friend!
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Rarity was rude then all of the sudden is much nicer. What happened to change her mind about him?
11139302
Well, the human was polite. He wasn't rude to Starlight and Twilight before, and he said please and thank you. Rarity wasn't happy that he exhibited "greed" for wanting to learn magic.
11139309
I don't know, that felt a bit forced to me, but whatever. I mean we're all a little greedy and selfish, even her, so her just straight up mocking him about it just feels unnecessary and forced. That wasn't even implied. I just thought that her and the others were just being unfairly rude to him, just because he's different. Sure, he didn't make a great first impression, but still. You might want to work on better conveying things like that indirectly in the future.
11139312
duly noted, thank you!
Rarity scene was...odd, but other than that not bad!
Sooooo Pony Pact Warlock, got it.
11140338
exactly.
A free market that's not free but only the 1% controls most of the time
11143111
And it still managed to become the most powerful nation quite rapidly. Imagine how much more prosperity would be had if capitalism was allowed to be truly unleashed.
Of course, the ones keeping it from happening are a bunch of elitist rich jerks with their fingers in government. I suppose they could be called "the 1%", but they aren't the sort of business owners most think of with that term. Not all of them anyway, Gates is a notable exception to that statement.
I can imagine Noah calling starlight comrade if he had been on her way, good to see that there will be hurdles to go through
11163582
LMAO!
I love it. Not yet lol, but maybe soon...
I've slept on reading this at all after looking at the title image. Now after 2(3) chapters I guess I'm hear to stay for this train wreck of a story for better or worse. So far I give it 7 fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows
Same! I'm 19 and AFAB, and it's very annoying for school because executive functioning isn't fun :(
I don't think I have autism, but I was tested once. I do have ADHD though.
Starlight, you think the empathy Fluttershy shows to her animal companions isn't genuine? I can see you've never had a pet.
11145135
America only became the most powerful country thanks to their genocide of the natives and basically having an entire continent's untapped resources to make use of in order to grow their economy. Europe had capitalism long before the USA yet it easily overtook them due to these factors. On the other hand the USSR and China were both rural backwaters when they had their revolutions, yet China is now even exceeding the USA in the long term thanks to their mostly-planned economy.
That's not how DNA work
11261209
No, China has what communists call "beastly grin of capitalism". It's even more capitalistic than USA.