Starlight Glimmer's First Student: A "Human"?!

by Clockwork2003

Chapter 3: Friendship Lesson #1 (And an Annoying Showpony!)

Finally! I have been waiting like an idiot with this purple pony teacher for food, and I hear a quiet knock on Starlight’s door.

“Uh…did somepony order a pizza?” A quiet voice says, as Starlight uses a spell to magically open the door, revealing a pegasus wearing a saddlebag holding our lunch. It smells really good! Starlight trots towards the delivery pony and smiles.

“Thank you for the delivery. What is the rate for tips these days? I haven’t ordered pizza in ages!” Starlight asks curiously, using magic to summon her wallet and checking how much money she has. I remember Starlight telling me that the money here is called “bits”.

“Five percent is the custom in Ponyville…but Rarity usually gives ten percent. If you give five percent…your total is twenty-five bits!” She replies as Starlight takes out exactly two gold-colored coins. I’d assume one of them is a twenty-bit coin, and the other one is a five-bit coin? Only time will tell! The meringue-colored pegasus with these rather adorable crossed eyes unloads her saddlebag with the food and gently places it on the marble vestibule. Starlight receives the paper bag with the food using her magic and gently places it on the dining room table. The deliverypony smiles, packs up her wares, and flies away…rather clumsily at that!

Starlight closes the door, and then quietly chuckles. It was loud enough for me to hear it, but thank goodness the door was closed!

“That was…well we all call her Derpy Hooves, but her real name is Muffins. She’s…well she’s a bit delayed, but we all pitch in to make her feel welcome.” Starlight says before I make my way over to the dining room table. The chairs are rather nice, being made out of oak wood, and are extremely well polished! This flat looks much nicer on the inside! I decide to do something rather unorthodox, and I pull out a chair for Starlight before I pull a chair for myself. The unicorn noticed this and smiled.

“I am glad you thought of me before yourself. That means you’re learning something already! Okay okay…no Friendship talk until we’re done eating. Enjoy! I got pizza with green olives!”

Wait…Pizza with green olives? Why didn’t she ask me what toppings I wanted? If she read my file, which I know she did, she’d know I like my pizza plain!

“Um, Miss Starlight?” I ask quietly.

“Please, just Starlight. No formality is needed. We’re friends, at least, we’re going to be friends! I am only a teacher by name, don’t think of me like royalty or anything.” She says quite nonchalantly. I do admire the mare’s bluntness!

“Okay then…just Starlight. Why didn’t you ask me what toppings I would have wanted on my pizza?”

I wasn’t trying to poke a nerve or anything, but Starlight looked rather cross.

“I forgot to ask you, Noah. I’m sorry.” She gave me a half-hearted apology, almost like she wanted green olive pizza, but I want to keep the peace. I am not going to make this into a big deal like an angry toddler.

“It’s fine, Starlight. It’s really fine.” I say. Finally, we both sit down at the table, and Starlight uses her magic to not only open up the pizza box, but also to put paper plates and serve both of us with her mind! It’s honestly really cool how versatile this magic is, and if what Twilight said is correct, then perhaps my DNA could channel a small amount of it to do simple tasks. That would be really cool, but I am starving. I take a small bite of the slice of pizza that is on my plate and savor it. The flavors are swimming in my mouth…I don’t think I’ve ever had pizza that was this good!

“Starlight…I am something of a pizza connoisseur. I love pizza, and I ate it all the time back home. This is actually the best pizza I have ever had in my life! How do you ponies make such good food?!”

Starlight chuckles at my profound pizza statement:

“Magic, silly! Our ovens run on magic, so they can optimally cook the pizza to the perfect temperature and for the right amount of time. I mean, that’s what Margarita the Pizza Pegasus’ chain is known for, anyway!”

Starlight says, mouth still chewing pizza. I am glad I can at least parse out what she’s trying to say. I don’t have the best table manners, so this “talking while eating” thing doesn’t really phase me. I do it, too! Starlight finishes her morsel and then takes a sip of the can of “Colta-Cola” that is in front of her. Do I tell her that the name sounds…somewhat familiar? Nah! I have one, too, and I drink it. It’s much cooler and more cherry-tasting than the coke I have at home! First meal on a magical pony planet, and I can already say the food here is better than at home!

The two of us finish our lunch, and we have a fair amount of pizza leftover since we must have ordered an extra large pizza by mistake. I ask Starlight where the refrigerator is, and she points behind her to the kitchenette. Using her magic, she gets out a giant Zip-Loc bag and puts the few slices inside, sealing it.

“Go put it in the fridge, and then we’ll get started on the Listening Lesson!” Starlight says in a rather sing-song voice. Not being one to disobey someone (or somepony, as the case may be), I take the Zip-Loc bag and place it in the fridge-freezer carefully, before returning to my seat. I still have a bit of soda left, so I drink while I listen to my teacher.

“Alright, Noah. While we were walking to my place, we did a pretty good job at establishing the foundation of Listening. Listening is not just being able to hear what somepony has to say, but also being able to pay attention, as well. A lot of ponies say that they are able to listen well, but they don’t. Here’s a short exercise: I am going to tell you five things about myself, and you are going to listen, and I mean actively listen. Then, you are going to say in your own words what I told you. Okay?”

Sounds simple enough. This exercise is actually something I practice a lot with my therapist back at home for “real-life school”, as she calls it. I am getting better, but maybe a talking unicorn can do better than someone with a Ph.D.?

“Okay, Starlight. I am all ears.” I say promptly. Clearing her throat, Starlight begins to speak.

“Okie Dokie: So, I told you about Cutie Marks before, but I never told you about how I got mine. I tried performing a really hard spell to make a pony equal to another, and it just showed up! I was around thirteen at the time, if I recall correctly? I’m nineteen now! In fact, I am exactly six months older than you! In terms of what I like to do when I am not working with Princess Twilight, I love to read, especially historical fiction, and I like to be politically involved! I am sure you can deduce where I stand on most issues. Now…Did you pay attention?”

Of course, I paid attention. The question is, will my anxiety get in the way of completing this first Friendship Lesson, or will I be able to pull it off?

“Yes, Starlight. I paid attention. You explained how you got your Cutie Mark, by trying to make another pony equal. I guess that Cutie Marks develop when a pony not only finds their talent but manifests it in real-time. You were thirteen years old when you got your Cutie Mark, and you are exactly six months older than me. Like me, you are an avid reader and appreciate history for the lessons it can teach us in the present. As for your political advocacy, let’s just agree to disagree. How’d I do?”

Starlight’s eyes light up comically, with actual stars forming in place of her irises and pupils.

“You did great! I am really glad that you were able to listen to what I said. I guess you must be an okay listener! Now, we’re going to switch things up a bit. I want you to tell me five things about yourself, and I will listen to you, and repeat what you said in my own words!”

I was actually about to begin when the two of us heard yet another knock on the door.

“THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE DEMANDS ENTRANCE!”

The Great and Powerful What-Now? Is this some kind of cosmic joke? I mean, I am in a magical land of talking ponies who can use magic, fly, and do many things that are impossible on Earth, but the Great and Powerful-.

Starlight groans in annoyance, promptly getting up from her chair, going to open the door. I take it these two ponies know each other? The door opens, and I see one of Starlight’s kin. Another unicorn, wearing a funny-looking hat and regal cape. She’s dark blue! That’s a new one!

“And who the hell are you?” I ask, unsure about why my Friendship Lesson was abruptly interrupted.

“This…is the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE! Trixie is one of the most talented magicians in all of Equestria, and she heard that there is a resident alien in Starlight’s house!”

Resident alien? LOL! I mean I am an alien, but… never mind, the joke will go over Trixie’s head, probably?

“Trixie came to ask the mystery “human” if he wants to be in my magic show tomorrow night!” The rather linguistically impaired unicorn asks me.

“Magic show…huh? What exactly do you need me to do-”

“DON’T ENGAGE, NOAH, DON’T. BUCKING. ENGAGE! Trixie is going to-”

Trixie smiles, and performs a spell that literally zips Starlight’s mouth shut! How comical!

“Trixie wanted to show the human what Equestria’s finest are capable of! Trixie assures that all of the spells that will be performed are safe and effective!”

The fact that Trixie has to reiterate the alleged safety of her performance has me rather concerned. I don’t want to become a pumpkin or anything! Besides, I get the feeling that Trixie is a lot of talk and not a lot of action. I used to be like that when I was younger, so I get where the blue unicorn is coming from. She invites herself inside and plops herself onto the sofa, picking up a magazine with her magic.

Starlight closes the door and sighs: “Trixie…is kind of my friend? We do stuff together every now and then, but she can get on my nerves sometimes!”

Huh…I believe the term for such a relationship is a friendly rivalry, or even “frenemies”? Then again, I am literally in a Friendship School, so I trust that Starlight knows the correct terminology for various kinds of friendships?

“So…Trixie wants to know what your name is. Maybe Trixie can make a friend?”

I am quite tempted to ask Trixie why she speaks about herself in the third person, but if unicorns’ magic are controlled by their emotions, and I upset another one, I could be in deep sh-.

“Of course Trixie can try and make a new friend. In fact, we’re just finishing up our first Friendship Lesson, which is all about listening!” Starlight says, interrupting my thought process. I have to get used to this, I guess?

Using her magic, Starlight gently nudges me towards Trixie and places me on the sofa, one cushion next to her.

“Trixie…this is Noah. he is my first ever student in the Friendship Exchange Program with humans. He’s practicing the skill of listening! Maybe you can practice with him? Noah, say five things about yourself, and see if Trixie can listen and say in her own words what you said? Now it’s your turn!”

My turn…huh? I mean, in order to listen, you also have to share information yourself, I guess?

“Okay…Trixie. My name is Noah. I am a human. Humans have no magic, although Princess Twilight told me that we’re able to channel magic, not create it. This means that if Starlight wanted to, she could teach me simple spells if she imbues my body with a small morsel of magic. I want to be a lawyer if I ever make my way back home, and pizza is one of my favorite foods! Finally, I am becoming quite interested in studying magic, if my teacher Starlight will give me the opportunity!”

Trixie takes a minute to process all of the information that I just told her, and using a spell of some sort, begins writing down some notes on a piece of paper. After scribbling something down in that same illegible pony language, she clears her throat and begins her reply.

“Okay…Trixie heard that your name is Noah, you are a human, and you are learning the Magic of Friendship from Glimmy over here.”

Starlight sighs annoyed that Trixie used that obnoxious nickname in front of her student. She lights up her horn and gives Trixie a stink eye, which promptly causes Trixie to change course and correct herself:

“Trixie means…Starlight…over here.”

Starlight calms down and signals to her “frenemy” that she may continue.

“Right…Starlight is your teacher, and Trixie thinks that’s really cool! You want to study law if you go back to your boring world, and you like to eat pizza! Trixie thinks that if you had the chance, you would stay in Equestria, and maybe even learn magic. THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE would be more than happy to assist you in this regard, and-.”

“Well well well…the showpony has a good ear, I see. He’s not learning any magic until he finishes his Friendship Studies, and YOU are not going to teach him. If I am not teaching him, it will probably be one of the Princesses. I have a feeling they would be keen on meeting Noah. In fact, I am pretty sure that on day four of our program, you are going to Canterlot to meet Princess Celestia! Rarity is doing table manners with you that day so you don’t look like a dolt in front of the Princess! Anyways, I am getting ahead of myself. Trixie…We’ll attend your show, but I don’t want Princess Twilight to be on my flank about putting the only human in Equestria in clear and present danger! I am sure you understand that!”

Clear and Present danger, huh. I had a feeling about that. All talk and no-.

“Trixie will give you two free tickets! Come by Trixie’s trailer thirty minutes before the show!”

And with that, she teleports away, as if she was never here in the first place. I have to admit, Ponyville has a cast of colorful characters, both figuratively and literally! Regardless, I get the feeling that Trixie’s impromptu visit put my teacher and friend-to-be in a rather foul mood since she just sighed and trotted off to her bedroom. I could have sworn that I heard her screaming into a pillow, but I am not going to double-check. While I am waiting for her to come back, I continue my book on magic, and see if there is anything interesting to learn!

Hmm…Telekinesis. One of the first spells a unicorn learns. Apparently, all you need to do is perfectly visualize what object you want to manipulate in your mind, and slowly but surely, your magic gains control over it! The way the diagrams describe it makes it look easy, but I am not going to assume that!

I don’t know how long I have been reading, but eventually, I see Starlight make her way back to the living room of the flat, and she collapses on the sofa, in tears.

“I can’t do anything right! I just want to teach you Friendship and Trixie has to make everything about herself! What did I do, where did I go wrong?!”

She is sobbing her poor pony heart out, and I feel powerless. I want to do something, but I am afraid that if I say anything, I could make it worse. Regardless, I feel really bad for her. Starlight is trying her best to teach me valuable life skills, and Trixie had to barge in and make things worse. I know she’s not an animal (I mean she is, but…like a pet), but I do something drastic. I walk over towards Starlight and begin to stroke her mane, trying to console her.

Her ears perk up, possibly instinctively, possibly out of choice, and she turns her head towards me, trying to muster out a smile. She takes her front hoof and tries to wipe the tears off of her face.

“You…you listened. Not only did you listen, but you established empathy with me. I…I thought that would be weeks away, possibly not even until the end of the course! Are…are you my friend?” She asks me, using magic to grab a Kleenex to blow her nose.

“Uh…I mean you are my teacher, and I have to keep things professional, I think? But yeah, I’d call you my friend, and my first friend, at that.”

Hearing that reply makes the unicorn in front of me cry even harder, although I have a feeling that these are tears of joy, not sadness.

“N…Noah…you’re so sweet! I think you did great today in our first Friendship Lesson. But…but I need some time to compose myself, I am sure that you can understand.”

I get up, no longer stroking her mane, and give the unicorn some personal, or in this case, pony space. Slowly but surely, the unicorn returns to her normal emotional state and checks the wooden grandfather clock opposite the two of us. It’s already suppertime!

“Oh, horseapples! It’s suppertime, and I didn’t prepare anything for us to eat! I can make a salad or something, is that alright with you, Noah?”

I nod, and Starlight goes into the kitchenette and quickly tries to whip up supper for the two of us. Is horseapples a pony curse word? I don’t know, but it sounds funny! It takes ten or fifteen minutes (and a rather large mess!) but eventually Starlight comes out of the kitchenette, with a caesar salad in a wooden bowl being transported telekinetically to the dining room table; which still has the pizza box on it! Quickly realizing that I need to clean up, I make my way to the table and gather all of the garbage, and put it in the trash next to the table. This gives Starlight enough space to place the bowl on the table.

“Where are the bowls? I’ll get them for you, Starlight.” I ask, trying to lend a helping hand. Starlight did plenty of work today, so if I can do something nice in return, that would make it even.

“Second cabinet on your left. Don’t trip!” She says, withholding a chuckle. I get up from my chair and mosey over towards the cabinets, which border the kitchenette and the living room. I open the second cabinet on my left and see colorful ceramic bowls. They look really nice, and they are assorted in all the colors visible to the naked eye! I carefully remove two bowls from the cabinet, and walk over to the table, putting them at our respective seats. I quickly remember that I left the cabinet doors open, so I return to close them, before finally sitting down.

“You forgot cutlery and glasses, Noah!” Starlight says in a singsong voice, as she casts a spell that gives both of us our utensils, along with two glasses and a pitcher of ice water.

“S…sorry, Starlight. I am not good with planning stuff, and-”

“It’s alright. I know…executive functioning and all that. Now…I was planning on teaching you the telekinesis spell as a consolation prize for dealing with Trixie, but I am too tired today. What I can do is tell you what our next Friendship Lesson is for tomorrow!”

Ooh! That’s right. This is a course where I learn things each and every day!

“So, what are we going to learn, Glimmy? I ask playfully, finding that name to be quite humorous. The mare’s face turned blood red…I wasn’t expecting that, for sure not!

“N…Noah…you’re so silly!” She says, quickly composing herself to be more professional. Grabbing her fork with magic, she begins to eat her salad, and I do so as well.

“So…what is the lesson for tomorrow?” I ask Starlight as she finishes her morsel.

“Friendship Lesson #2: Trust Building! I wasn’t sure how exactly to tackle this one, so I wrote a quick letter to Princess Twilight while I was…in my mood. She promptly wrote back, saying we should go for a walk in the Everfree Forest! Nopony knows what goes on there, and if anything happens to us, we’ll have each other to look out for. Won’t that be fun!”

I take a slow sip of my water, thinking about this mystical forest. Are there dangerous entities there? I don’t know. What I do know is that my idea of trust-building would have been Truth or Dare, but then again… that’s a stupid kid’s game. I should leave this to the pedagogical experts!

“Alright. That sounds reasonable. Any idea what time it is? I am exhausted!” I ask my teacher, who checks the grandfather clock again.

“9:00 pm, on the nose. I’m ready for bed. We can wash the dishes in the morning!”

Bed…bed…BED! That’s right. Where the hell am I going to sleep?

“Uhh, Starlight? I have a question.”

She nods, urging me to continue.

“Where the heck am I going to sleep? I don’t see any other beds, and I think it would be weird to sleep in your bed…I am not a baby…or your paramour…”

Hearing the word “paramour” made Starlight blush again, but she’s more subtle about it this time. With a quick flash of her horn, the sofa rearranges itself as a hide-a-bed, with sheets fully made!

“Here you go! I forgot to do this earlier. I’ll give you privacy when you get changed and shower. In fact, you can go first!”

Well, I can take a hint. I go to the rather small bathroom, take off my clothes, and get into the shower. While I was in the shower, I could have sworn that I heard the scratching of paper, almost like somebody was writing something down! Maybe it’s leaky pipes? I don’t know, but I know that so far, this Equestria place isn’t that bad! I don’t know how much hot water there is, but I couldn’t have been in the shower for more than ten minutes! When I got out and put on a towel, I realized something…quite serious: When I agreed to travel to Equestria, I didn’t pack any clothing! That’s not good! I hear a woosh sound, and a note is slid under the bathroom door. I pick it up and see that it’s magically translating to English. When that’s done, I see what it says:

“I just realized that you don’t have any clothes! While you were in the shower, I went back to “Mount-ree-ale” to pack up all of your stuff. I organized all your clothes in the drawers next to your hide-a-bed, and you are good for the rest of your stay! Sorry about that!”

Well…that makes things easier. I take it that Starlight was kind enough to stay in her bedroom while I got out of the shower. I open the top drawer, and I see all my clothes from back home, including my pajamas! Quickly putting on my pajamas, I climb into my hide-a-bed, as Starlight realizes that I am now clothed. Quickly making her way back to the living room, she smiles.

“Forgot something, Noah?”

Right!

“Thank you, Starlight Glimmer, for bringing me all of my clothes!”

She chuckles, “You're welcome. Sleep well. We have a BIG day tomorrow. Everfree trip AND Trixie’s magic show. Sleep well!” She trots off back to her bedroom, as I roll over onto my side. It finally hits me that I am not dreaming. I am actually in a world with talking ponies. One of them is teaching me about Friendship. Also, if I am not totally crazy, I think Starlight has the hots for me!

Whatever…she’s nice, I guess?

Comments

[AuthorGenesis]

“That was…well we all call her Derpy Hooves, but her real name is Muffins. She’s…well she’s a bit delayed, but we all pitch in to make her feel welcome.” Starlight says before I make my way over to the dining room table.

I don't know why you think that floating eyes equal mental retardation, but it shows a lack of understanding with regards to Derpy's physical impairment.

“Okay then… just Starlight . Why didn’t you ask me what toppings I would have wanted on my pizza?”

Because, she either still needs to learn about friendship, or she's pretending to be reformed in order to deceive the domestic authorities so she can continue to work for communism.

“Okay…Trixie heard that your name is Noah, you are a human, and you are learning the Magic of Friendship from Glimmy over here.”

The problem that I have with this exercise, is that while it does exhibit listening and paying attention to the speaker, as well as short term memory retention; it only does it one time and there's no repetition exercises to reinforce the memorization, nor are there exercises at later times or days to determine memory retention through familiarization and repetition.

“Friendship Lesson #2: Trust Building! I wasn’t sure how exactly to tackle this one, so I wrote a quick letter to Princess Twilight while I was… in my mood . She promptly wrote back, saying we should go for a walk in the Everfree Forest! Nopony knows what goes on there, and if anything happens to us, we’ll have each other to look out for. Won’t that be fun!”

... Have they even observed this humans combat ability? It just seems like a lack of self-preservation or consideration of the well being of others that they would suggest going into a dangerous forest just to do trust exercises. What if something happens and Starlight either is unable to or something affects her spellcasting? She's going to depend on a human that clearly doesn't do martial arts or body building to protect her from the dangers in the Everfree? And that's assuming that he doesn't either die or suffer serious harm from poisons, petrification, or laceration from the various creatures in that forest. And that's not even getting into the diplomatic nightmare that the situation could devolve to if Canada finds out what happened to one of her citizens.

Also, Starlight comes across as bipolar, given the extreme emotional swings; from crying due to a perceived failure to feeling happy when consoled, to blushing about potential interspecies relationships, to the desperation and validation of Noah being her friend. As though her whole existence would be invalidated if she failed to become friends with Noah.

[Clockwork2003]

11164505
This is an amazing comment. I love you. I will respond to all five of your comments:

1) Derpy Hooves isn't mentally delayed. I made a genuine error in writing. I just didn't know how to describe it.
2) Starlight is only one year out of the Friendship Program. She is "reformed" in this AU, but obviously still has a lot to learn.
3) This is an excellent point. I actually didn't think of this when writing, and I will be sure to correct this in future chapters when listening is involved.
4) Twilight is a smart pony, but sometimes, she doesn't think things through. This concept seems good on paper, but it actually doesn't make sense in practice. She came up with this curriculum.
5) Starlight is not bipolar, but she is an overachiever. She's terrified that she won't be able to befriend Noah, and she doesn't want Twilight to think poorly of her. It's more of an "I need to show I can do it," if that makes any sense.

Keep up the good critiques!

[Dan]

with a caesar salad in a wooden bowl

It's official: Unicorns eat fish. (Caesar dressing is made with anchovies)

[Clockwork2003]

11233366
Wait what? Really?

I didn't know that. So cool!

[PointBreak]

“Sorry about that!”