• Published 3rd Jan 2022
  • 143 Views, 5 Comments

BookHoppers: Exiled from Home - Ace of Blackjack



Elizabeth, the newest chosen underling for Frazzle, gets a much darker story than expected.

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Chapter: Eleven, To New Adventures and licking of wounds!

Grima flipped the portal power switch. The portal erupted in blue light, the wind emitting from it nearly blew Ralph’s Ushanka clean off. Igor bit the back of Elizabeth's mane to hang on.

Echoin changed his stance, shifting the bodyweight of Frazzle on his back. Ralph stepped next to them and gave them a friendly tap. Grima rolled their eyes, it's like watching a tank flirt with a Golf cart.

Elizabeth lowered her head, fixed her saddlebags and ran through, Igor hooting on the way through. Ralph shifted the weight if his badly balanced Saddlebags and ran through. Grima motioned with her head for Echoin.

They ran through leaving her standing their. She looked around her room. Heading to her cabinet she grabbed a simple hat, but smirked at the stupid little simplistic Fox on her hat as she put it on and flicked her Trench Coat.

She exited Through the portal, pulling up a little white with black stripes scarf.


Anna Astral Boutrade

Astral: 12th Battalion, Attached E-6 Medic, 2nd tour.

Day: 2945

So yeah, today was like the last three days. The sky is still falling and I'm still fixing ponies. Just like a normal day.

Beside the fact, that the you know what people showed up. Five ponies, and an owl. One of which horn is exploded, the Bat ponies wing is beyond saving. I will have to break their options down to them. And telling someone they cat fly will hurt.

Considering I barely touched the ground since they arrived. As the Attrians attacks have become more frequent, they are trying back alleyways to attack us are meeting patrols form other defensive lines.

Also I think I found a new Soprano. Gonna be awkward asking him to do that after I put in the new line, ‘oh sorry about your male genital stick, do you wanna join my choir now?’

Maybe I'll wait to tell them that.

Author's Note:

So you made it congrats. Have my old-school thank you note from when the computer screeched at you.

{Foreword: Thank you for reading my horrible story. This was longer enough I ran down My sanity, thank you word count i dont have to club myself again counting the words ever again.}

Comments ( 2 )
Comment posted by Ace of Blackjack deleted Mar 7th, 2022

i couldn't really think of comments for the intervening chapters, since they would have been more of the same.

it seems like you have an entire world and setting and backstory in your head, and you want to depict it "naturalistically" by having characters make references to things and having elements show up without explanation, but that just makes everyone's motivations and "what's going on" impossible to follow. and even in-universe, given that these are characters that are getting to know each other for the first time, there should be more explanation of things between characters for things to make sense.

i recommend writing much shorter pieces based around a single idea or character interaction at a time, and work your way up to something as ambitious as this. ideally, stories based off of canon, with canon characters and extending canon settings, since that way references can be made to a world and backstories without having to build them from scratch. we're writing fanfiction, let's take advantage of it!

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