1st Anniversary Chapter: One Possibility Out Of Many
Caramel Mocha sighed, ignoring the attentions of those around her as she went out on her daily trot. What with everything that had been going on in her life recently, she had figured that getting some air would help her get her thoughts and priorities straightened out. It wasn't working.
It just feels like all of the problems in the world want to dogpile me. As if I needed more issues after everything that happened this past summer. She shook her head. I need a distraction, something to help me focus. She stopped at an intersection, turning her head as a taxi carriage approached. Sometimes I envy those ponies. They have quite literally all day to keep themselves occupied.
She turned the other way to check if anything else was coming---
"WHA-WHA-WHAHA!"
---and was almost startled clear out of her coat by the unwavering face of a little filly, centimeters from her muzzle. On impulse she jumped back and snapped into a combat stance, but settled down when she realized that no harm was meant to her. "Don't do that, little girl! You almost gave me a heart attack!" she exclaimed, trying to bring herself down from the unexpected scare. She was not there a second ago!
The filly was unmoved by Caramel's words. "...Hi," she greeted her, her voice almost unheard over the city's ambience. "Please take this map." She worked something out of a pouch she was wearing and offered it to her. "...Take a map."
Carefully, Caramel accepted what the child was offering. What's this?... ...Directions to the Pyre of Fears? That's where the Siren General has been staying. Why is this little girl giving these away?
The filly for her part just nodded. Caramel took silent note of the little cap and the glasses she was wearing. "...Thank you. Please enjoy." She trotted off towards another pony a few doors down. "...Free map."
Caramel's caution didn't leave her until the filly was most of the block away. When she was finally satisfied that the creepy little child wasn't going to bother her again, she took a closer look at the instructions. Special show tonight at 7p.m. Small foals not permitted, adolescents welcome if accompanied by adults. The docket... "Tale of the False Paradise", loosely based on a true story. A short break, then "The Lantern Named Jack", back by popular demand.
Well... if I can finish all of my tasks before dinner, I can't think of a reason not to go. I can always have my servant come along as a chaperone. Nightmare Night's coming up soon, so I'll need to start getting in the mood. Back home with me. She took her hat and used it to flag down another carriage. "Taxi!" she called. "Taxi, yo!"
THAT EVENING...
The last notes of Salamandra's favorite opening song faded out. She stood in an expansive cemetery, listening to the applause that pierced the veil of her illusion. Closing her eyes and smiling toothily, she backed away as a curtain of mist closed off the graveyard.
"Your welcome and your applause are appreciated, dearies. Now settle down, one and all. The first of tonight's tales is different from what you may be expecting, but I assure you: much like the rest of my collection, this isn't for the faint of heart."
As the audience quieted, the mists parted. A city similar to their own rose from the ground, but the aesthetic was starkly different from what they knew. Most buildings seemed to be made of nothing but glass, metal, or both, whereas locally most constructs still incorporated wood to some degree. Some showed wear and tear. Overhead there was no sky, only domes that blocked it from view.
"Welcome to the future of a world without your Princess. Many, many years have passed since her time came to its end. The land has been torn apart by constant warfare, a victim of the endless greed and power-lusting of its leaders. Bereft of magic due to circumstances unknown, the inhabitants have adapted and adjusted, fully embracing technology to their detriment."
The view panned out. It became known to those watching that the domed city and the sky-piercing tower in its center were the lone bright spots in a desolate wasteland. There were few trees, if the dots they saw could be called such. Chunks of debris littered the landscape, byproducts of wars fought in ages past. One of those chunks was a foreleg sheathed in shattered metal, twitching and sparking as if its owner was trying to come back to life. Every now and then, a gust of wind sent sand and dust particles on a haphazard course.
"Centuries, young ones. Centuries of violence have taken their toll. Villages, towns, and cities the world over have been erased from existence. Civilization has been reduced to a gargantuan city, housing millions of robotic and flesh-and-blood entities alike in an effort to keep their histories active. This is the final stronghold of life as you know it."
The perspective shifted to that of a fully armored pony slouching on a throne, its unnatural eyes boring into the audience like daggers. There was a quiet determination in those pupils: the desire to do what was right gone terribly, terribly wrong. Somepony could be heard trying to get their shivering under control.
"Poor, poor little machine. Somepony once had very high hopes for him. They saw him as a representation of a positive future. His creator had discovered the means of gifting him complete sapience. A capacity for endless development, the ability to make his own decisions... both of these were landmark advancements. Or at least, they would be in a world that knew nothing but peace. It was not meant to be."
It became known to the audience that four more similarly armored individuals were bowing before their ruler, taking in orders that the audience couldn't hear. Green, red, purple, blue---
The fourth of those gave the audience a start. There were clear differences: the lower armor was missing, it possessed a tail that seemed to flow like water, and the boots were flat instead of heeled... but there was no mistaking that color scheme or the finned helmet. One by one, all of those present realized that the "true story" that the tale was loosely based on was the one told by the City's resident Guardian.
Salamandra's narration continued without letup. "X was not a kind ruler. His response to an energy shortage that befell his domain was to kill his own kind, those who needed that very energy to survive. Not once did he consider that the best option to take would be to have somepony research a non-lethal means of resolving the crisis." A throaty chuckle. "Poor, deluded fool. He could have led his kingdom into a golden age. Pyrite is far less valuable. The so-called paradise that he promised was a lie, for it is only if everypony is able to reap the full benefits of such that it becomes a true sanctuary.
"The biological entities agreed to his edicts without protest, believing that the hero who had protected them for many decades had everypony's best interests in mind." The four kneeling ponies accepted their ruler's silent orders and vanished one after the other. Blue dived into an ocean; Red charged over the wasteland; Green took to the sky, and Purple melted into the shadows. "His Guardians, his greatest servants, were relentless avatars of his will. Due to their direct actions, those that protested X's decisions were never seen again, forced into an early 'retirement'. To those of you who hear the quotes around that word, congratulations: the term 'deadly euphemism' is not lost on you. For the biologicals, it was bliss. For the machines? A nightmare come to life."
Red filled an entire battleground with a rain of fire from the twin cannons he was carrying, incinerating a dozen or two machines alive and forcing others to flee for their lives. Blue sat before a brightly-colored screen that none of those watching could make sense of, a plethora of wires as thick as pencils emerging from her hooves to rapidly manipulate the controls. Green soared between points of interest at a speed that would be the pride of any pegasi, his search for those that 'needed' to die unending. Purple's hoof reached out of a darkened corner to snag a machine that, despite its best efforts, could not be safe no matter how paranoid it was.
Trapped in a small room was an assortment of inorganic life, panicking as a ceiling packed with extraordinarily sharp spikes slowly descended towards their heads. The spikes were already stained maroon, and there was no telling just how many lives they had taken before that moment. The robots slammed their hooves against the only exit, and even resorted to straight-on tackling it. The door refused to yield, and the robots were pierced through shortly thereafter. Their screams were abruptly cut off, and for a few seconds everything was dark. A few hearts in the audience were heard pounding in the silence, the viewers in shock over the robots' fate.
"But not all biologicals let themselves be blinded to the truth."
A blue-eyed, golden-maned earth pony mare --- no, still a filly --- dressed in pink, white, and dark gray nervously trotted through a dark tunnel, turning her head this way and that. Those watching were surprised at how young she was. Orbiting her as she journeyed on was a shining magenta-shaded insect of some kind: a body and wings like that of a dragonfly but the head of an equine, along with eyes that were nothing but irises. Following them was a squad of green-uniformed ponies, all of them exhibiting the tell-tale signs of their shared robotic background.
"Sky---one word, one name---was a true genius. She was to robotics what Starswirl the Bearded had been to magic. She was enhanced at birth, her intelligence magnified several-fold in an attempt to help those who had difficulty helping themselves. Her keen observations allowed her to discern that nothing was as it should be, and as soon as she had the means of doing so, she took action. She found a hiding spot at the very edge of the fake paradise and gathered together those endangered by X's edicts, seeking to keep them safe.
"But it was not long before the city's attack dogs, headed by X's Guardians, were hot on their tails. The so-called Resistance was driven into a corner..."
Mechanical monstrosities roared behind them, prompting some of the soldiers to turn and try to hold them off. Their efforts were for nothing: the strange floating golems---for that was what they were where the audience was concerned--barely slowed down for more than a few seconds, their laser beams serving as the hot knife to the robots' butter. Some of those watching gasped, and another was heard protesting when his parents covered his eyes.
When Sky and the remaining soldiers ducked inside a passage that was too small for their attackers to fit in, something else took the golems' place. On first glance, the audience believed that they all looked like X, but they were quick to notice the differences. These new machines possessed muzzles, but no mouths or nostrils. Instead of eyes, there were singular glowing red lights that looked like they would bore straight into the viewers' hearts. They trotted forward without worry, their cores telling them that they would catch up and dispense the justice they were designed to deliver.
"Sky was aware that they would need a champion, somepony to protect them until she could devise the means of resolving the energy crisis. This was why she had come here. She was in no position to fight these battles, for something in her heart told her that she was not fit to wage war. No; somepony else would have to walk that path. Somepony who knew what it was like to traverse the darkened roads of destruction. So she undertook what she knew would either be the greatest or last mission of her life."
The remaining soldiers, sans one, turned to fight the incoming attackers while Sky and the pseudo-dragonfly gained entry to a large cavern. These would be their final moments, and they all knew it.
The audience was taken back by what it saw. Hooked up to a time-worn terminal in the center of the room was a broken being, its limbs and lower torso missing and the rest of its body dented and marred. Strangely, it did not resemble a pony or other common creature that the viewers knew: more than anything, it resembled the one who had fought and nearly died to protect their home. The primary difference was that its helmet and vest were scarlet instead of blue.
"The one she sought was legendary. He was said to have reached the edge of death time and time again, only to resurface later stronger than ever. Nothing could stop him from carrying out his mission, and I mean nothing. And yet there he was, asleep and broken since who knows how long. Sad, is it not?"
In the background, the automatons---damaged by the Resistance's defense---gained entry; the soldier who had entered alongside Sky was swiftly gunned down. Taken back, she bickered with her pet dragonfly about something that the audience couldn't hear. "As the city's forces closed in with the intent of capturing her, Sky's little friend suggested that she be used to fully revive the old champion. It was only with great reluctance that Sky agreed to this: to her, all of her friend's kind were like her children, and she was loathe to lose even one."
Her decision made, the dragonfly bid Sky farewell and flew straight at her target, breaking apart into a dozen motes of light that were absorbed into his body. Sky screamed in grief, though her cry was unheard by all...
A pillar of light engulfed both the body and the terminal, cutting off all sound. The automatons stopped in their tracks as they registered an unexpected threat suddenly appearing out of the blue. Neighs and alarmed cries sounded off through the audience as most of the viewers failed to shield their eyes in time.
"But in the long run, that sacrifice..."
The light faded. For the first time, the audience witnessed the entity who had been one of their protector's biggest influences standing straight, true, and alive.
"...would be worth it."
"He's been revived...!" Sky whispered. As it sunk in that he was her last hope at escaping capture, she scrambled for cover behind him. "Help me," she begged him, the tears from her tiny friend's passing not yet gone away. "Please help me... Zero!"
For a few seconds he regarded her without comprehension, wondering who she was. Who he was...
...But then the mindless automatons picked that moment to fire at him. In a blur of motion he snatched the gun away from the fallen soldier, aimed and shot six times in rapid succession, twice for each incoming bullet. The enemies' attacks dispersed harmlessly upon being struck with the first shots, while the extras continued on target. All three robots exploded as the shots struck their generators directly, their frames already having been butchered by the soldiers' last-ditch effort to protect their leader.
The audience would swear later that they did not hear the orchestrated music Salamandra preferred to use as accompaniment, despite her claiming that it was indeed what the speakers had been playing. What their minds instead registered was the ruckus brought on by an especially noisy guitar.
Sky closed her eyes for a few long seconds as Zero waited for her to compose herself. "Alright. There should be a transceiver around here somewhere that we can use to escape," she stated. "Just keep going straight ahead..."
A LITTLE WHILE LATER...
"...but for all of the fake's efforts, it wasn't enough. The resurrected legend was just too much. A maelstrom of desperation and fury ripped through the tower, launching Zero away from their arena. Copy X's reign... had finally reached its end."
The top floors of the city's central tower blew apart in a gargantuan explosion, forcing the audience to shield their eyes. The light and noise gradually faded and shifted into a violent wind, waves of sand flying and spinning through the air.
As the sandstorm cleared, a visibly-damaged Zero was seen a substantial distance away from the city. Enemy robots of all shapes and sizes surrounded him, ready to tear him apart. He remained unfazed by their presence, instead addressing the audience directly. Everypony paid attention as he spoke for the first time during the entire play. "I was returned to life by somebody who needed my help. My memories were incomplete; I knew only how to fight, and that I was once helped by a capable friend whose face was worn by that fake. But as I looked around at the world I now lived in, I knew that nothing was as it should be. Nothing was right. Something needed to be done.
"Listen to your storyteller. This city is far from the sanctuary it is claimed to be. You are wise not to venture here, even just to see the facts for yourself. It is not without hope, however. As long as I am still operational, I will continue to fight for those I believe in, those who believe in a genuine peace between Reploids and ponykind. I won't hesitate. If an enemy gets in my way..." He turned and leapt into the enemy ranks, his weapon blazing to life and bisecting one of the automatons. His final words echoed in the ears of all. "...I will destroy it!"
...
As the mass of machines closed in on him, the fog of the ages did much the same. The scenery darkened, and when the audience next gazed upon where he had been, they saw only the cemetery and its eternal resident. "What lies ahead for Neo Arcadia? What of Zero, and young Sky? I do not have the answers for you, dearies. I know only what has been whispered to me on the ethereal winds. All the same, it does not take a leap of logic to believe that they can accomplish the impossible. It is not often that my tales end happily, but perhaps they might reach that goal?" An airy, almost malevolent chuckle. "I almost look forward to learning the answer to that myself.
"That concludes the Tale of the False Paradise. I thank all of you for being such attentive listeners. Now, please allow me to take a short rest, for a story of this magnitude is a drain on my reserves. Feel free to grab a snack, take care of necessary business, talk among yourselves, or close your eyes for a few moments. If you choose that last, please remember that the Pyre of Fears will not be held responsible for your nightmares. If you leave the Pyre but intend to return in time for the second tale, please have the polite young gentlecolt at the entrance stamp your ticket stubs. The fires will be banked for thirty minutes; after that, even Burning Salamandra cannot be expected to wait. Until then, dearies, until then..."
The background music faded out, and the graveyard illusion wasn't too far behind. As the lights flickered on and everypony began talking to each other about what they had just seen, the storyteller turned and disappeared behind the curtains.
Backstage, the one who had identified himself as Zero pulled off his helmet. Instead of blonde locks that trailed everywhere, shoulder-length blue and white hair spilled free instead. The illusion that had been overlaid across his body faded, leaving behind that of Leviathan's. "I think I enjoyed that a lot more than I should have," she said, the depth of her voice back to what it was.
Salamandra joined her, sipping from a glass of juice. "Ha! And here you thought you would make a terrible actress. I keep telling you that you have a flair for the dramatic, and there's the proof!"
"I had plenty of help from you with that," Leviathan modestly told her, looking at the mockup Z-Saber hilt that she'd been using throughout the performance. "Changing my voice and appearance to match Zero's and giving this prop the appropriate blade were both the work of your illusions. And don't even get me started on how much time and work you put into creating this facsimile of his armor."
"Oh, come now," Salamandra chortled, waving off the praise with her free hoof. "I would never have been able to replicate any of that with any accuracy if you hadn't been willing to describe them in detail. See? Your obsession was a good thing!"
"If you say so. You picked a nice design for Dr. Ciel, by the way."
Salamandra drained her glass dry and set it aside. "Mere artistic license. You told me of the available clothing styles, the basics of her appearance that you could recall." She nodded at the specially-crafted marionette that she'd used as the mattress for her illusion's blanket. "Obviously there were going to be discrepancies given the difference in forms, but if you say it's nice, that's fine with me. Now, are you sure you don't want to stay for the second act? It's a real chiller!"
Leviathan checked a nearby clock, comparing it with her internal settings. "It's a nice thought, but I need to get to Gray's apartment. Her kids are really gung-ho on this whole 'sleepover' thing, and they'll be disappointed if I show up late."
"I'm still surprised Ebony didn't object to any of that."
"So am I, Drama. So am I." She gestured at the door. "Go ahead and get your rest in. I have to get out of costume."
Before Salamandra could make any moves, a polite tapping at the door stopped her. She sighed irritably. "What's the point of even having a 'staff only' sign if ponies are just going to ignore it..." She trotted to the door and opened it. "Yes? What's so important that it couldn't wait until after the... oh!" She whirled towards Leviathan, eyes wide. "Fairy, it's---!"
"Caramel," the Reploid interrupted her, raising a hand in placation. "We've met."
The Mocha Beverage heir nodded in greeting, smoothing out a few imaginary wrinkles in the white glittery dress she was wearing. "May I enter?"
"...Just so long as you don't disturb anything," Salamandra warned cheerfully, an oxymoronic expression if there ever was one. "Fairy, make sure of it, please." With that she left the two of them alone.
"She's not going to pull a knife or the like on me, is she?" Caramel asked apprehensively.
"Don't worry about it. She's eccentric, but she's no criminal," Leviathan assured her. An amused gleam lit up her eyes. "It's more likely that she'll try to remove your nose hairs with her tail trimmer."
"Let's just move on from that disturbing little topic," Caramel muttered with a shiver. "There's just a few things I'm wondering. How much of that tale just now is true, and how much is Salamandra's interpretation? Reading it in your account was one thing, but to actually see it..."
"Setting the story after the Princess's passing was her idea," Leviathan confirmed for her. "As was the loss of magic, changing Dr. Ciel's name to 'Sky'..." Caramel's ears caught the muttered comment of 'direct translation'. "...everything that implied that the story takes place in Equestria's future. And everything from Zero's point of view was a guess; I wrote down what I speculated happening based on intelligence reports and my own encounters with him, then let Drama work her magic."
"What of that little dragonfly?" Caramel inquired with a smile. "It was kind of cute, at least for the minute it appeared. I wish I had somepony to talk to like that."
"We... that is, Neo Arcadia's government... were already aware of Ciel's involvement with Cyber-Elf creation. Passy was noted as leaving with her when she formed the Resistance. Recovered camera footage showed them together when they went after Zero, but Ciel was alone afterward." Leviathan shrugged. "I could only imagine that Passy gave her life somehow in the interim, most likely to repair and rouse him, so that's what went into the play."
"So she wasn't an original character, then." Caramel's ears drooped a little. "A pity."
Leviathan's chuckling expressed both her amusement and her understanding. "Passy was cute, I'll admit. Cyber-Elves in general have that going for them. Now, any other questions? Not to intentionally rush you, but I am in a hurry."
"Well, I did have a few other things to ask, but I won't keep you any longer. They're not important. Good evening, General---oh. After that performance, I almost forgot... How's Gray Ghost doing?" Caramel asked, pausing as she turned to leave.
A happy smile. "Quite well, as relaxed as ever. She asked me to thank you for covering her medical bills the next time I saw you."
"Tell her I said 'you're welcome'." Caramel sighed, her own smile sad but thankful. "After everything the both of you did for us this past summer, how could I not?" She nodded and departed, another 'good evening, General' following her on the way out as she shut the door behind her. There was a skip in her step that wasn't present that morning.
A quick but pleasant meeting, Leviathan thought as she sought out her uniform. Gray will be happy to hear from her.
Now for a nice evening with some friends. I wonder what these sleepovers entail? Hopefully they're nothing too embarrassing.
The following morning, Gray and Ocean Guard would discover something that would've shocked Leviathan's friends and enemies alike a year ago if she'd done this then.
Fairy was sitting on the floor against the couch, eyes closed and systems hibernating. Her helmet was discarded, and a few of the family's spare blankets were covering her. Zig-Zag was planted behind her on the couch, his head resting on her left shoulder. Pure Energy was reclining against her left side. Fiver was draped across Fairy's ankles beneath one of the blankets, some discarded playing cards on the floor showing what she'd been doing before tiredness claimed her. Echo was curled up in Leviathan's lap like the cat he was, slowly blinking at the parents as they looked on.
Perhaps most surprising of all was Ebony. The unicorn who used to scream in fear every time she saw Leviathan was nestled against her right side, sleeping peacefully.
This by itself was enough to make Gray's heart melt, but then Ocean noticed something clutched between two of Fairy's fingers: a card produced by one of Manehattan's biggest printing companies. On its front was a crab nursing an unidentified drink, sporting sunglasses and resting next to a blank sign. On that sign was a message written in Zig-Zag's familiar childish scrawl.
In a world that never knew the existence of Reploids...
The Midnight Castles would've robbed Drama Heart blind and escaped scot-free, leaving her struggling to recover for a very long time. It wouldn't be until the chaos of Nightmare Moon's return that they were finally caught, and by then everything that was stolen had been destroyed.
Gray Ghost would never have discovered the truth behind her mental state, as Juniper Leaf's journal would've remained in its hiding place. Despite her family's efforts, her reputation as "that crazy homeless pony" would persist until the day she died.
Without the boost in confidence from her increasingly successful efforts at speaking to Leviathan face to face, Ebony Evening would never be able to take the steps needed to begin overcoming her pediophobia. While not a truly debilitating fear, it would still rear its ugly head throughout her life.
And Caramel Mocha... she didn't want to think about it.
Those were just a few of the lives that Levi had impacted during her time in Manehattan. Helping four individuals out of many wouldn't change the world, but for those four individuals, the world had changed forever. And as long as they all lived, they would always be grateful to her.
The first music link goes to "Big City Blues", by 321Jazz. The second link goes to Zero's remastered theme from his first game, and the third goes to Yu Yu Hakusho's "Sad Beautiful Memory".
Whether or not this becomes canon to the main story is entirely contingent on how things turn out from the encounter with Glintlock onward. If it doesn't, then it'll make for a nice "What If", if nothing else--hence the chapter title. Don't be surprised if anything talked about here is rendered moot in later chapters.
Fiver really didn't have any reason to be wearing the cap and glasses. I just figured that if I was going to have her reference FNAF: Security Breach's Map Bot, I may as well complete the picture.
When I was in middle school, my dad purchased an eight-pack of shareware CDs that could be browsed with a specific program. That program had two distinct audio clips for starting and closing it. The first had someone sharply tapping something while saying "Let us begin". The second clip---the one that I directly quoted at the end of the first scene---had another guy signalling for a taxi. I haven't used the program in a very long time, but those clips still stand out to me. Strange that I can remember those things, but I can't remember what I walked into the kitchen to do. ()^_^
I did not design the Thank You card myself. That was actually one of those signs included with the old "Print Shop Deluxe" program, circa the mid-1990s. I loved messing around with that program as a kid.
This was written for the story's one-year anniversary. To those who were there from the beginning, showed up later, or only started reading this recently: thank you all very, very much. You're the reason I was motivated to turn an invasive plot bunny into a permanent resident. 
The story will resume its regular plot and schedule with the next update.
Ko-Fi tip jar: https://ko-fi.com/curtiswildcat
EDITED 9-6-2022: Removed the update deadline. Chapters will be posted when they're done, not before, from now on.
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loved the update!
A nice peek into the possible futures. Just because it doesn't look like snow doesn't mean it can't ball up!
Map Bot was cute. Get them flat-hooved so resistance is lowered.
Can't help but feel that Salamandra's presentations are what 3d movies should actually be.
Loved that re-telling of Zero's story there! Also, the part at the end, where Levi reminisces seems too important to not be canon!
Hope the writing onwards goes well, Wildcat!
....... zero...... the scarlat reploid......
I somehow never expected this character to use the word "Yo." XD
The Last City? Is Salamandra doing a show based on Destiny 2?
Edit: Nevermind. XD
11336667
Neither did I, if I'm being honest.
Cool new chapter! I REALLY liked those last few paragraphs.
stupid map bots!!!
I may not have reviewed in some time, but I do keep up with the story. This little side chapter is good. I kind of wish to see how Leviathan handles a sleepover. Hopefully, it wasn't like Twilight's when she had Applejack and Rarity.
So I read most of this fairly recently and in think I should put down my thoughts.
Firstly, this is overall a good story. There's a couple things holding it back from being great, which I'll elaborate on.
You seen to almost forget that Fairy Leviathan is your main character sometimes. It's not in any big things, but she lapses into being a viewpoint instead of her established character occasionally. Not often, but on occasion.
Gray Ghost. In the right story she would be an excellent MC. The badass who retires because they found something worth more than anything else is a good hook, and well worth exploring. That being said, you have a tendency of having her overshadow Fairy Leviathan. Part of that is FL's surprising passivity, but part is just how many traits you gave to GG. She's a supreme stealth specialist who was once the best monster hunter around, is a Wonderbolt level flyer despite being out of practice, and has twisted Cutie Mark magic farther than any pony we see in the show except maybe Pinkie Pie, and Pinkie has genre working in her favor when GG doesn't. Any one of those is easy for your audience to swallow, two is fine with the level of foreshadowing you put in, but it's just too much. She isn't your MC, and that's being forgotten.
There's a convention for crossovers that try and so it fairly, and that's "Treat Each Setting with Respect and try to depict them as Peers". That doesn't mean ignore canon for either, but it does mean don't remove or overshadow one setting's highs. Megaman is a fighting adventure game, and FL is one of the major bosses of it. MLP is a children's show with deeper themes in the background, so having it be better in social and noncombat scenarios is expected. It's just a better place to live in general despite the lack of technology. Having FL, a masterwork and top level combatant of MM nearly beaten(with the fact that GG could have won easily by going lethal hidden from FL) by just some retired monster assassin OC isn't good.
Equestria the government is being a fairly poor host for FL. It gives her just permission to be there while demanding total info on all of her capabilities and hiding that the match she worked hard to win was while GG held back. It also does nothing to support the interdimensional refugee in her efforts to return home. It's what I would expect if they were setting up the possibility of assassinating her at a later date, and I don't think that's how you wanted to portray that.
All that being said, I enjoyed it. If I didn't, I wouldn't have been passionate enough to write all that, and the interpersonal stuff is quite nice. It's just in implications that you say things I don't believe you intend to.
Yeah, not gonna lie, that's been a bit of a struggle for me since I started writing this. ()^_^
True, but Leviathan needs capable allies somewhere. For what's coming up she's going to need them, and it's not like she can count on Celestia to come rushing to her aid when she needs it the most. Gray's in a better position to do that, restrictions notwithstanding.
Also, "supreme" stealth specialists don't have a tendency to crash into closed windows thinking they're open. Just putting that out there.
I'd label her closer to "very good", personally; even the quietest cats make some noise from time to time (speaking as someone who's lived with anywhere from one to seven of them for most of his life).
"Best" monster hunter around... I dunno. I just don't feel like there's enough context to establish that. Good? Most certainly, but there are others on her level--or close to it--that we just never see because they're irrelevant to the story.
As regards to her not being the MC, you're right insofar as she's not the one who drives the bulk of the plot. Gray is meant to be what TV Tropes calls a "Deuteragonist", a second individual that the story revolves around. I don't think there was any way I that I'd be able to write this without someone like her around; like I said earlier via Leviathan's letters to Celestia, if you have only one character that the plot revolves around, you're only getting one side of the story. I've read enough novels across my life to know that much.
Bear in mind that Gray needed help from Shining Armor to even the odds. If she wasn't benefiting from his shield, Leviathan would have killed or seriously injured her with her first hit, and Gray's ego and overconfidence would have been the end of her.
Nothing that the readers are currently seeing. Research on how to send her home is going to be done; pretty sure I left enough indicators to point that way. It's just that #1, it's taking a backseat to Manehattan taking a turn for the Mega Man; #2, any scene that focuses on characters working that sort of thing out would require a lot of deliberation, jargon and know-how that I really do not have the mind for; and #3, it's going to take time for anyone who would be in a position to help out to arrive at Canterlot to render aid to the whole process (see: "Priorities").
Understandable. I don't know how many of the story's faults I can really deal with, but I'll try to do what I can. Thanks for taking the time to read the story and critique it; I want this fanfic to be one of the few that I'm proud of, and it's because of people like you that I can write these things in the first place.
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Boy do I ever know
My cats just love to mess with those plastic shopping bags you usually get from the grocery store in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! They usually get something thrown at them for their trouble.
One time one of those plastic shopping bags got snagged on their collar causing the cat to freak out and run up and down the house like a banshee, I don't know which was more poofed, the plastic bag or their tail. I just about died laughing
Leviathan should have a laser pointer or a green cucumber on hand if she's ever in a pranking mood
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...You've put a mental image of Gray chasing after a red dot on the walls in my mind, and I can't get it out.
i hope this stays canon.
well... that's certainly an indicator of when this was written
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A Unicorn with even minimal light based abilities (or just the ability to telekinetically 'grab' a milliliter of air to make it glow), could do that as her FAVORITE training exercise before she retired.