How far would you go to return to the life you once had?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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ah off of hiatus on onto a pretty good start
11303058
Thanks! Glad to be back. Even if I still feel kinda bad for going on haitus at all, I'm better for it. Managed to get some life things handled and was able to get some inspiration from other stories
11303070
By all means dont be I was expecting it to go off of hiatus for another 2-3 months at it's earliest 4-5 at the latest so thank you for getting it out so fast
11303075
Yeah, so was I tbh. Thankfully, things cleared up/motivation came faster than expected.
11303085
So what was the romance part about is Mitch going to get a special somepony or princess perhaps?
11303114
Ah, I've been waiting for this question.
Answer: You'll see. Let's just say it won't be your everyday romance.
(I can tell you now, it's not gonna be a princess)
11303121
Wait is it going to be a oc or the mane 6 except for flutter shy
11303125
Bold to assume it's going to be any of the main six...or will it be an OC?
but fr I'm not gonna tell, makes it more fun that way
wait what's wrong with fluttershy
11303126
Oh nothing is wrong with flutter shy I assume that discord already got his eyes on her or likes her.
Plus I was going to put in an background pony too but eh but he will go to ponyville right?
nice to see that your back man with a nice chapter
btw, Reks bending over in pain was caused by Flurry Heart’s cries that shattered the crystal heart
11303154
Ah, that's a fair point lol.
And yeah, he'll probably swing by the place sometime...don't expect it to happen for a bit tho
11303179
Thanks! Glad to be back!
And you are correct! (Though I guess it wasn't too hard to guess lol)
Id give ya the internet cookie, but it's gone. so have a stache instead.
Okay... I haven't done this for a long time, and my last comment on the chapter caused the chair to burn. So I will be brief.
Well, the beginning of the chapter, written after a long break, is not bad in principle. Although, there are still questions, especially to the first paragraph.
Bro, you're not writing a comic book.
However, I was pleased with the change in the text, which I was able to notice further. The description is already getting better, provided that you do this from the 1st person.
I have already realized that the logic in the plot can be thrown aside and just perceive this world as another alternative universe. It becomes easier this way.
For example, the behavior of the guards. (bro, you need to put the "Comedy" tag urgently) I think with this tag, you will really have a lot of justified moments in the plot.
Zephyr POV
Now I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with these characters, although I didn't forget in the story that they Lightning Dust agreed to engage in surveillance.
Why they do this, I still don't understand. But it's probably very important for both of them. (Again, the "Comedy" tag would be relevant when I read this part of the plot).
But here I have a question about a specific detail in the text:
Do you understand what the mistake is?
That's right, bro! You're great for understanding me.
The thing is, a pony wouldn't say that word if it refers to a pony. Here it would be more appropriate to use the word "Foal" or specify the specific gender of a young-age character "Filly".
When you write a POV (pony), you need to rebuild your thinking, and forget that you think 100% like a human. At this moment, you need to think like a Pony, and see this world through the eyes of a Pony. (but that's what I've probably told you 999 times already).
Here it may seem, at first glance, that this is an insignificant detail. But it becomes more noticeable when reading the story in a mature rating. Because this is already another level, and it is important to pay attention to such little things and world building.
***
But when I read on... I couldn't help laughing, just because it was in this part of the plot that you decided to use this unicorn Snob! (I will not write a spoiler and name the character to preserve the effect of intrigue).
I swear to you, bro, you urgently need to put the Tag "Comedy"! I've already told you that in terms of humor, you have a good level that can really please the reader. That is, it's ridiculous!
***
The first question:
"What? When did they become relatives?"
The second question is: "Does the character's name start with a capital letter?" (Flurry Heart)
***
Of course, I understand that the race of diamond dogs is anthropomorphic, but maybe it would still be better to write "Paws"? Or does she only have a dog's head, but at the same time a human body? 🤣Ahaha!
***
Can I say in Russian what I think about this paragraph?
I have postponed any attempts to understand this text. I even tried to redo this text, but the neural network just can't handle the translation. Can you explain to me personally what is written here? Just make it a simplified text.
***
I spent about an hour studying this chapter, and I can say that I feel the beginning of some action, and it's definitely great.
Of course, there are still a whole bunch of plot questions, and I know it's useless for me to ask about it. Here is one example, a question that you, in principle, are not obliged to answer: (I have a request that you carefully follow the course of my thoughts)
On this day, a special holiday is held in the Crystal Empire. As far as we know, there is a square in front of the palace, in the center of which this "crystal heart" is located (by the way, which is actually a paradox based on the fact that the Cadence has an image of this crystal heart on its side. Hasbro writers didn't care about the attentiveness of fans).
And now imagine that on this solemn day, the entire royal guard behaves as indifferently as you showed them in the plot. That is, according to your idea, security measures are not observed. And two unknown characters, quite easily pass into the palace, as if to their home, and do whatever they want there. Funny, isn't it?
This question remains open. "Why do need the royal Guard at all, which does not comply with security protocols when patrolling the palace and the territory where the responsible, solemn moment will take place?"
Or did I ask a stupid question?
So, of course, the chapter is good and, in principle, easy, if do not try to understand many things when reading.
I'm glad you're back to work!
11303986
Thanks for the comment! And I'll be glad to answer your questions.
Good catch on the child thing, I'll change that immediately. Sometimes I accidently write things like this even in the pony perspective.
Now, as for the guards. It's been mentioned before that the guards and the citizens recognize and know Reks and Piper already, as stated a chapter ago. And as they pass Mitch and Reks they show interest in the two and even respect Reks, though they've got important places to be (If you didn't know, those are the 6 guards Shining Armour chooses from in the episode as the honor guard). That is why they don't pay too much mind to the two of them as they go through the castle.
As for blueblood, I'm glad you enjoyed his part in the story. And in many cases, people consider blueblood to be either related or adopted by Celestia, which would make Cadence and him cousins. (And I'll fix the flurry heart capitalization too)
Diamond dogs do have arms, you know. just not hands.
As for the paragraph you couldn't understand, Reks was looking at a magezine with a focus on unicorn mares and puts it to the side as he looks at Mitch.
As for why I don't have a comedy tag...I'm worried my writing wouldn't be perceived as funny.
11304024
And I still recommend you to put this tag, because I have repeatedly observed while reading this story that funny moments, and most importantly, how you present it in the text, may well correspond to this genre.
Dear lord I hope the romance tag in this ain't just for Blueblood and Piper
11304086
nah, it's for all the MC's. Some will just take a smidgen longer to occur than others