Chapter 33 - The Party
Light Flow was annoyed.
Not miffed, not peeved, not exasperated.
Annoyed.
He had long since passed the threshold for holding back his emotions, and he wasn't afraid to let it show. A turned down lip, a furrowed brow, just the barest hint of grinding teeth. The tension in his withers, the heavy set to his hoofsteps, the twitch in his tail. He had very carefully crafted the perfect picture of a pony who was entirely done.
The reason for the scratching feeling in his chest and his general air of ire was abundantly plain to just about anypony with eyes. The small green dragon walking blindly through town was fairly hard to miss, after all.
Ever since they had followed Rarity out of the Town Hall, he had been playing desperate babysitter for the lovesick lizard as he tottered along after her. Despite his best efforts, Spike had stayed set firmly into an uncomprehending trance; though the severity of the issue hadn't been entirely clear at first.
Not until he watched Spike walk directly into a pole. And then promptly continue staggering after the white unicorn ahead of them.
It was safe to say that Spike was ensconced rather safely in his own little world, which left Light as the only thing keeping him from giving himself a concussion. A job that he could honestly say was incredibly unfun.
He bit back a curse as he shook himself out of his thoughts to drag Spike roughly out of the way of the mailbox in his stumbling path. The smooth scales of his dumbstruck friend were cool on his fur for a moment, before he let the lizard drift slowly out of his grasp.
He stopped his gait for a moment to watch the dragon continue his uneven waddle after the target of his affection, before he let out a tired groan and trotted quickly forward to continue walking beside him.
His eyes flicked up to catch a glimpse of the white hooves keeping an even pace a few lengths in front of them, before he sent a shifty side eye down to his zombified companion. "I suppose this is payback, huh?" His quiet mutters may as well have been to himself for all the good they did. Spike's succinct response to the question was a simple jumble of noises and half-words, followed by a heavy sigh.
A sparkling conversationalist he was.
Rarity had been relatively silent in the short time they had been walking, merely filling the air with a pleasant hum; but as they came to the turn of a corner, she stopped her brisk pace and turned her head back to them. He came to a stop to match her, and quickly threw his hoof around Spike's shoulders to stop him from walking as well.
He pasted a nonchalant smile onto his face as Rarity quirked an eyebrow questioningly at them, but she seemed to quickly shrug the strange behavior off. A beautiful smile formed on her face, and her long eyelashes fluttered softly as she spoke. "Come along, darling! We don't want to be late!"
He let his head nod automatically as Spike's surprisingly strong hands grappled at the hoof holding him back. Rarity hummed lightly at them and began to turn back to the street, though her eyes quickly swung back to stare widely at them as Spike made a sudden attempt at leaping forward.
He was very aware of the piercing gaze on him as he roughly jerked Spike back into his chest, and he could feel his smile straining as the dragon noticeably struggled against his grip.
He had to hoof it to her, Rarity knew how to hide her emotions. Her face was very carefully neutral as she regarded the strange spectacle in front of her. He watched as stoically as he could manage as her mouth opened with the beginning of a question on her lips, but she soon closed it without saying a word.
He was grateful for her social skills, because he wouldn't have known how to even begin to address what was happening.
Whatever she thought about the apparent hostage situation in front of her, she thankfully kept it to herself. Her blank gaze stayed on them for another short moment, before she wordlessly turned around and resumed her pace. He let the painful smile break off his face as the unicorn turned the corner, and released Spike from his grip.
With the hold on him relinquished, Spike stumbled forward; swinging his arms wildly in an effort to regain his balance. Thin amusement began to creep in on the irritation as the dragon teetered on the edge of his feet, before rocking back into a steadier stance. His face wasted no time in twitching into a familiar shade of annoyance as the dragon silently continued forward, likely completely oblivious to everything that had just happened.
How long had it been since Spike was the responsible one in their friendship? Minutes? Hours?
While his mindless friend turned the corner after the object of his obsession, he took a moment to turn his eyes to the reddening sky. The spreading wave of bronze in the sea of blue was rather pretty, if a bit foreboding. It was like a burning fire in the sky, spreading slowly across the world. Shading everything in deep reds and quiet pales before finally falling silently into calm darkness.
Maybe he should stop staring at the sky and thinking of poetry. The tonal whiplash of his thoughts was starting to unnerve him.
He turned his eyes back down to Equus, and away from the grim train of thought. He hadn't been expecting dusk when he left the Town Hall after Rarity, but it wasn't a huge surprise. He had been less than attentive when it came to the time.
He wasn't even sure when it was that he had actually woken up.
While that thought was concerning enough, he had been living with it all day; so it wasn't exactly news. He stowed it away to ponder later, and set off around the corner after his companions.
Spike thankfully hadn't managed to catch up to Rarity, though they were now quite a ways ahead of him. He forced himself to speed to a quick canter, despite the protests of his body. While he had mostly recovered from his ill-advised burst of energy earlier, his body was still feeling the effects. Nothing worse than a biting cramp in his gut and a dragging ache in his hooves, but still enough to bring a slight wince to his otherwise aggravated expression.
Maybe, assuming he got his memory back, he could begin to work out or something? He didn't hate the idea, but he couldn't exactly speak for himself very well. Who knew how his completed mind would react to anything he had done today? Could he even be considered the same pony? What would happen when he got his memory back?
If.
The addendum casually thrown into his thoughts nearly caused him to trip, though he still stumbled awkwardly. A quiet snicker caught on the edge of his hearing, and his gaze flew accusingly to an orange pegasus filly sitting on a park bench to his left.
Even with his eye on her, the filly continued to openly giggle at him. He had to admit, her brazen disregard for his disapproval was admirable; though he really wished it wasn't aimed at him. He scoffed loudly in her direction, and quickly hurried after the retreating tail of his lovesick friend. He could feel the child's amused stare burning into his back, and his ears grew hot under the force of the embarrassment.
He may have made a fool of himself, but he would have the last laugh in the end. At least he didn't have a total wreck of a color scheme. Orange and purple? Talk about an eye-sore.
Petty insults against a child, how grown up of him.
A nervous energy spread through his hooves, and he indulged it by breaking out into a gallop to overtake his friend. The path ahead of them was relatively free of obstacles, and he was content to let Spike dodge an errant twig or two on his own. Leaving his mumbling friend and the staring filly behind him brought tangible relief to his battered mood, and he could already feel himself brightening up as he slowed to a trot behind Rarity.
If the fashionista noticed anything behind her, she didn't show it. Her careful canter remained even and straight, and she even resumed humming her pleasant tune. Her voice was actually rather pretty when it wasn't raised to a shrill screech, and he could even imagine enjoying hearing her talk for once.
He could certainly imagine it, but anything could set Rarity off at this point. That was why he was walking behind her, instead of right next to her.
If he was too close during a Rarity freakout, he was liable to go deaf.
An amused smile of his own came to his face, and a short chuckle escaped from his lips. The rare expression of joy died on his lips, however; as Rarity suddenly came to a full stop just in front of him. His next hoofstep nearly carried him into her, and he forced himself to backpedel roughly away as her head began to turn.
Unfortunately, Spike had apparently caught up; and his quick backward movement sent him crashing directly into the blind lizard. Luckily for his own safety, Spike was far smaller than he was; and he took the brunt of the impact. A surprised grunt followed by a thud emanated from behind him, though he ignored the noises in favor of putting a pleasant smile on his face as Rarity stared at him bemusedly.
He choked back a swallow as unamused eyes flicked between him and whatever was going on behind him. "Had enough fun with your friend, then?" A harsh edge of veiled condescension filled Rarity's light tone, and he could barely stop himself from visibly flinching away from her stare.
His jaw flopped open to supply an eventual response, but the compounding shame from a day's worth of social blunders drove him to silently close his mouth and nod. He probably could have come up with some kind of retort on a good day, but he was still off-balance from his short encounter with that filly.
Figures.
Whatever Rarity must have seen in his expression softened her own, and her voice lost most of its dainty bite as she let out a suffering sigh. "Honestly darling, you do make it difficult..." She softly brought a hoof up to rest on her cheek as she regarded him.
"Whatever you decide to do in your free time is entirely up to you, dear. But we have arrived, so do try to show a little decorum, hm?" Even when comforting or giving advice, Rarity still found certain ways to talk extremely down to ponies. It did make him feel better, in a way.
Though, she said that they had arrived. Did she mean to the party?
Disassociating from Rarity's disapproving stare was easier than he thought it'd be, as he cast his attention instead to the large building that he hadn't actually noticed until now.
It was a familiar building, he could say that much. It was also a very strange building, without a doubt. Architecture wasn't his strong suit at the best of times, but he was fairly certain literal tree houses weren't exactly common.
There wasn't much to notice with its appearance, unfortunately. It was a tree. A very big tree, but still just a plant. He liked plants, sure; probably even more than regular ponies, but that still just made it a cool plant. Most of the upper level of the structure was hidden behind a layer of thick leaves, which probably meant that the tree was still alive. There was something, he guessed?
Several yellow-glass windows poked out evenly from multiple spots throughout the enveloping canopy, which held their own cute little stylized stained trees. Adherence to a proper theme was important in his opinion, and this building hit all the marks. Even the rounded door he could see over Rarity's withers had a charming carving of a candle on it, which was really just the perfect imagery for a library.
Wait, when had that memory creeped in? He had been thinking of the building as the library for at least a minute or so, but when had he realized it? It hadn't even been some big shock with a new picture suddenly appearing in his head. It just casually inserted himself into his awareness without so much as a warning.
So it was the library, then. That explained the big sign with a picture of a book on it. Actually, he may have just seen that in the corner of his eye and internalized it. That was a more plausible answer, though plausibility somewhat lost its edge in the case of... well just about everything that had happened to him. Suspension of disbelief aside, amnesia just wasn't something that really happened in day to day life.
"Light Flow!"
A sudden shout brought him back to reality, and he gasped out an assurance of his attention. He hadn't been paying attention, but Rarity and that scary look on her face didn't exactly need to know that. He did his best to smile in the face of an angry frown, but Rarity just huffed hotly and rolled her eyes at him.
The curls of her mane bounced slightly as her head raised to look down on him. At him. "I am well aware of your appreciation for details, but I have been calling your name for minutes! I cannot just stand around here waiting for your bearings to return while ponies inside expect us!"
Her hoof raised to fold against her chest, and she swung her head in a dramatic arc as she applied stunning emphasis to her words. "Rarity is never late!"
With her over the top piece said, Rarity deflated noticeably from her puffed up grandeur. Her hoof returned to the ground, and she leveled her head to his with a charming smile that said nothing of anything she had just done. "Now, come along inside, darling!" She batted her eyelashes at him prettily, and turned to face the door.
With the star of life's show no longer looking at him, he could allow the naturally put-off expression come naturally to his face. He could remember now why Rarity mostly unnerved him. She had a... staggering amount of confidence. They had a certain pull towards drama in common, but she was never afraid to indulge it.
Maybe he was jealous?
Maybe.
He watched with pursed lips as a subtle blue light engulfed Rarity's horn, and then the doorknob a moment later. He certainly wasn't afraid to stand up for himself, but she was just so...
Wait...
The... The light...
It was... what was the light..?
Magic.... It was... magic?
Magic... He.. he had magic. He had magic.
You will not use magic.
When he blinked again, Rarity was gone and the door was open. It was somewhat strange that he couldn't remember her opening it, but whatever. He already had amnesia, so what if a couple things blanked out?
Now, what was Spike doing? He hadn't heard so much as a peep from the lizard since their collision. Was he hurt? He hadn't backed into him that hard, but he supposed anything was possible.
He turned away from the door, half expecting to find a comatose dragon behind him; but instead found a very awake dragon sitting on his butt, staring blankly at his hands. He seemed to be muttering something to himself too, nearly too quiet to hear.
He watched for a couple moments, and belatedly realized that Spike wasn't even blinking. He wasn't sure about the ocular abilities of dragons, but he had seen Spike blink multiple times before this, so it was fairly likely that was a thing they did.
He could feel his brow deepen as a faint sense of confusion and concern overtook him. Spike really seemed shaken up about something. Maybe he was hurt? And what was he whispering to himself? It was quiet, but not that quiet; so if he just leaned in a little closer...
"...Not...Rarity's.... Not....Rarity's..."
The confusion muddling his thoughts only grew, and he leaned his head away from the dragon's after a couple seconds of listening to the mutters made it clear he wasn't going to say anything else.
He.. maybe understood what Spike was talking about? And... he didn't really want to think about it much more.
A brisk shake of his head drove the offending thoughts away, and he set his attention on his dazed friend. He clearly wasn't going to stand up by himself anytime soon, so he would have to give him a nudge. Literally.
He trotted around to his friend's side, and reached a hoof down to give him a firm shove in the back. It didn't quite get him onto his feet, but it did knock him off balance; forcing him to catch himself with his already outstretched hands.
And.. then he stayed like that. Down on his hands and... knees? Hands and knees, kneeling on the ground; still muttering his dumb little sentence fragment. An eye-roll came to him instinctually, followed by a short sigh. He directed his best cross look at the downed dragon, despite the fact he couldn't see it. "If you finish with your breakdown anytime soon, I think you'll be happy to hear that Rarity is just inside the library. Waiting for us."
Putting special emphasis on Rarity's name seemed to have done a special trick. The mutters stopped almost immediately, and Spike shook his head roughly a couple seconds later. He pulled himself off his hands, and quickly brought them both up to slap harshly into his face. Once. Twice. Okay, now Spike was just repeatedly slapping himself in the face.
He nearly built up the conscience to stop the self-abuse before Spike suddenly pulled himself off his knees and onto his feet. He wobbled for a moment, before seemingly finding his balance with his hands resting firmly on his hips. He couldn't quite see his face from his position slightly behind him, but he did hear him suck in a deep breath.
"Hey... thanks."
His face broke from its careful collage of aggravation and fatigue to widen in surprise. Spike hadn't seemed capable of words for quite a while, and the sudden appreciation was unexpected in the strangest of ways. What was he even thanking him for? Helping him up? Guiding him?
Before he could even think to begin any sort of reply, Spike was already walking away. He disappeared into the library's somewhat shadowed entrance without another word, leaving a bemused pony standing alone on the threshold of a party.
He felt like he had been left with the bill again.
Spike had seemingly regained some control over his faculties, which was more than a relief. He had been entertaining worries that he would have to exclusively stick by Spike's side until Twilight showed up and hopefully broke him out of his trance.
That probably wasn't a concern anymore, thank the stars. The whole 'lovey-dovey' schtick was really starting to grate on his nerves. Rarity was pretty, sure; but Spike knew literally nothing about her. Thinking of that mare in any sort of romantic fashion just... made his stomach squeeze.
Maybe it was a dragon thing. They had some sort of hoarding instinct, didn't they? Maybe Spike wanted to.. hoard her?
Eugh. His imagination really needed a break.
In an effort to give his subconscious a different topic to chew on, he took one last look over the library. Big, wooden, leafy; everything was basically how he remembered it. Though, it seemed a bit bigger in his memories.
That mystery was satisfying enough to appeal, though he was pretty sure he knew the answer anyway. Regardless, it was something besides dragons to think about, so it would do.
Leaving the question floating in his nebulous headspace, he followed after the retreating trail of his friend. As he reached the edge of the door, he could already hear a din of chattering voices bleeding out from the somewhat bright interior. That was to be expected for a party, but it still made his stomach turn uneasily.
Aside from when he first woke up, he hadn't had to interact with more than two ponies at a time. He hadn't been alone for more than what was probably a few minutes, either. That left his comfortable average at a measly one companion, which didn't bode well for mixing into a crowd.
And he didn't doubt it would be a crowd. It didn't sound too loud at the moment, but he also didn't think the party had actually started yet; and there was no doubt more guests would arrive eventually. Sifting through his memories of everything Pinkie Pie gave him the grim news that a party with her involved would not be anything small.
He would have to bite the bullet, and keep a smile on his face. If he managed to look creepy enough, maybe nopony would bother him?
That wasn't a good plan.
Instead of inadvertently drawing attention by being outwardly pleasant like an idiot, he simply allowed the unease squirming in his chest to show on his face. He would just have to hope that ponies would see how obviously uncomfortable he already was, and just leave him be.
A soft sigh slipped through his clenched jaw, and he stepped past the door.
The disparity in the light level hurt his eyes for a moment, but he adjusted quickly as he made his way into the room. It was immediately louder than it was just outside the door, and he could already feel tension building his his withers. From where he was standing in the entranceway, he could see uneven clumps of colorful bodies bunched in random places throughout the carved wooden interior of the tree; which left little open space save for the entrance and a few isolated pathways.
It didn't help that the library wasn't the biggest building in the first place. It was certainly no Town Hall.
A few ponies near the back wall, a larger crowd jumbled in the middle around some sort of table; and of course, a hearty helping of two-pony pairs. A sudden shock of rainbow on sky blue cut a dark contrast to dark grey on black at the end of the left wall, and a sinking groan rose in his chest at the sight.
Of course Rainbow Dash would be here. She never missed a chance to blow off responsibility, and there were few ways better than to attend a Pinkie Pie party.
Idle conversations needled roughly into his hearing, and he instinctively pressed his ears into his head in an attempt to spare him from some of the pain. He was already regretting coming here. There were probably only twenty or so ponies in the room, and that was still too many. Too much noise. Too many eyes.
They all seemed relatively preoccupied in their own little groups, but he couldn't help but feel as though they were all staring at him. Or at least thinking about him. Nopony had reacted, but they all must have known how strange he was already. Who knew how many of these ponies he knew? Any one of them could break off from a group at any time and approach him for any reason.
What would he even do in that situation? What if they brought up a topic he couldn't remember? What if they saw through his lies? What if they all did?!
Okay he was starting to freak out a bit. He needed an anchor, right now. His eyes desperately searched the room for any sign of Spike or Rarity, but they seemed to be strangely absent. There weren't that many ponies, so he should have been able to see them, but he just couldn't.
His eyes traced the curve of a wooden staircase at the end of the room. There wasn't a back entrance as far as he could see, so they hadn't ditched him; which left the upstairs room as the only logical option. Them jumping out of a window was a silly thing to consider and he discarded the thought immediately.
He was now presented with a rather sizable problem.. The staircase was against the complete opposite wall from the door. Past all the ponies.
There were just about three avenues he could take here. Going straight for the staircase was probably the worst plan, since he would have to skirt either around or directly through the largest gathering of ponies. He didn't recognize any of them, which scared him more than the alternative.
He could cut a sweeping path to the left, though he wasn't particularly excited about that plan either. It would take him right past Rainbow Dash and the dark-colored pegasus she was talking to. He didn't know how long he would be staying, but he was hoping to avoid her for as long as possible.
That left one real option: the right path. That coincidence was extremely funny, but it was also the safest path for him to take. There was a surprising lack of ponies on the right wall, though it seemed to be where the refreshments were held. That left a very slim chance for a pony to break off towards him in the short time he would be over there.
Those odds were far better than-
"Hiya Light!"
His hooves left the ground momentarily as he jumped back in fright away from the grinning pink face suddenly hogging his view. Pinkie Pie had found him, unfortunately; but where in Equus had she come from?! He hadn't seen her in the room at all, and then she just appeared! How did she do that?
"I'm so glad you could make it! Sorry again about earlier, or is it sorry for the first time? Does a sorry count twice if you give the first sorry like you've already given one? How many sorrys does it take for the apology to lose sincerity? I'd feel really bad if my sorry was accidentally rude!"
"I- I don't-" Pinkie had somewhat predictably immediately launched a slurry of words at him, and somehow also immediately lost the point of whatever she had been trying to say. His mouth hung open uselessly as he tried to pinpoint anything in the mess of words to answer.
It wasn't working. Anytime he found some sort of ground to stand on with a reply, Pinkie would upend the world around him with another topic change; again leaving him flailing weakly in the deluge of scattershot conversation topics.
As the conversation went on and on and the topics broadened and broadened, he eventually just shut his mouth and stopped trying to play a losing game of keep up. He could feel his vision unfocusing as Pinkie jumped into talking about apology gifts and their respective levels of 'sorriness', and his surroundings gradually began to soften.
He was actually somewhat glad for Pinkie Pie's random presence. He didn't enjoy being talked at endlessly, but she was a known quantity. She wouldn't ask him uncomfortable questions, or do something unpredictably unpredictable; she was always expectedly strange. He knew she could do something weird. With her standing next to him, he didn't feel quite so awkward or afraid.
He didn't feel like ponies were staring at him, because even if they were staring in his direction: he knew it wasn't him they were staring at. Next to Pinkie Pie, he may as well have been a completely ordinary pony.
This wasn't so bad.
But the feeling of serenity he found in Pinkie's chaos ended too soon, and there was suddenly a pull on his hoof. It jerked him forward, and he was forced to stumble awkwardly as he nearly lost balance. He cast his eyes to whatever had grabbed onto him, and found a pink appendage wrapped around his outstretched hoof.
Pinkie had apparently finished whatever she was saying about apologies, and was now guiding him towards the right wall. He did his best to focus in on whatever she was talking about now as another insistent tug on his hoof brought him stumbling forward again.
"-Sense told me to go wait in a specific spot, and you know I don't mind listening to my Pinkie Sense even if it seems weird, because it always ends up being right! So I went downtown and waited for a while, and that's when I saw a new pony in town! And that meant I needed to throw a party! But I didn't know what kind of party to throw or even where to throw it because I didn't actually stop to ask the mare's name but-"
He had to hoof it to Pinkie, she sure was carefree. He was actively dragging his hooves in an attempt to get her to stop taking him somewhere, but she seemingly didn't mind. She just kept talking and tugging without saying anything about the fight he was putting up.
He wasn't very strong, and she was an earth pony, but that didn't mean he wasn't providing some resistance!
As Pinkie's surprisingly creepy story of finding out nearly everything about Twilight bled into random bits of party planning, his eyes drew themselves to their likely destination. Pinkie seemed to be leading him towards an out of the way table next to a window on the right side of the wall, where an unfamiliar pony was already sitting.
He barely had time to contemplate the logistics of gnawing his hoof off before the table was in front of them, and Pinkie was swinging him towards it. The hold on his hoof vanished, and he barely managed to tumble gracefully into a mostly sitting position before Pinkie once again finished whatever tangent she had gone off on.
"-and she said that you were acting really strange, so I set up this table for you and got Applejack over here to talk to you because I know you'll talk to her about whatever's bugging you!" He looked up from his dazed glare at the table to see Pinkie smile widely at him again. "So have fun!"
And then she was bouncing away. He could only watch in bewilderment as the pink menace quickly crossed the room and crashed roughly into a familiar sky-blue pony, sending them both down in a tangle of limbs and colors. Cries of annoyance mixed with laughter from around the room blurred his vision for a moment, and he looked down at the table he was now forcibly sitting at as he tried to regain his bearings.
Pinkie had accosted him her usual flood of words, dragged him roughly to a table with a pony he didn't know, and then left with a big smile on her face. And it had all happened in the span of... not that long.
A known quantity, to be sure; but that didn't mean he didn't regret the moment of trust.
"So Pinkie roped you into this too, huh?" A warm southern accent came to his ears, and he raised his eyes from the bright pink and purple table to rest on the pony sitting across from him. An easy orange smile set below two amused green eyes stared back at him, and an idle memory of a pumpkin patch flew through his head.
Whoever this pony was, she fit her voice very well; what with her noticeably rugged physique and her hat that was reminiscent of a southern cowpony. Her entire appearance basically screamed 'country', and he could only imagine what it was she actually did.
She probably worked on a farm or something, since Ponyville was almost exclusively a farming town. What did she farm, though? He knew Ponyville was full of farmers, but he wasn't quite up to speed on the particular crops they grew; besides apples, of course.
Maybe she was an Apple? Should he ask?
He tuned back into the expectant gleam in the orange farmpony's eyes, and opened his mouth with the beginning of the question on his lips; before it suddenly stuck in his throat. He couldn't ask her something like that, was he crazy? If this pony knew him, it would be a huge red flag; and his whole charade would blow itself to Tartarus!
Oh, but now he was sitting there with his mouth open like an idiot. He had to find something to say, or he would look extra weird!
The beginning of a stammer had barely made its way out before it was drowned by a hearty chuckle from his table partner. Tiny white freckles crinkled into nothingness as the orange cowpony rumbled with a deep laugh that made his chest tighten in on itself. Why was she laughing at him? Had he done something funny?
Deep green eyes opened into a knowing squint as his heart beat loudly in his ears. "Now, don't you worry, sugarcube; I'm not in any rush. Take yer time, and try again when yer ready." Her tone was teasing in a way that spoke of experience, and it brought a hot feeling rushing to his ears.
As she turned to stare comfortably out into the party proper, he turned the opposite way to look wide-eyed out the window. Outside was very nice and all, but he was having a hard time seeing it through the panic blinding him.
This pony knew him. This pony knew him well.
He did not know this pony.
This was the worst case scenario. Every time he had met somepony he knew before this, he had some kind of memory to guide himself by. Snippets of conversations, random emotions, anything and everything his head could give him had helped him seem somewhat presentable.
There was nothing for the orange cowpony sitting across from him. No memory of ever talking to her, no random wisp of feeling when he looked at her; he couldn't even recall her name.
He didn't even know her name.
This was fine, everything would be fine. Excessive panic was the enemy here, and he would be fine if he just kept his head up. If he was starting from scratch, then he would have to play it by ear. Anything he could take from their conversation would help guide him. Any emotion she showed him would be a decent flag for reciprocation. That didn't leave much for creativity or uniqueness in a conversation, but it was a decent starting guideline.
So far, he was fairly sure she worked on a farm. She also knew Pinkie Pie, which meant she lived nearby. The look in her eye when she teased him was familiarity, so they were fairly close. She was patient in the face of his indecision, so they were close and on good terms. That distinction probably wasn't necessary, but it never hurt to be careful.
He could do this, he just had to take a deep breath. Start with something easy.
He turned his head back to the orange pony in front of him, and let out a deep sigh through his nose. It must have been loud enough to catch her attention, because she also turned her head back to the table to stare pleasantly at him. The sudden attention was more than a bit unnerving, but he would be okay. They were friends, right?
"So, how's it been on the.. farm?" His nonchalant question faltered in the middle as he regretted the solidified assumption, but he must have hit the mark; because the orange pony snorted good-naturedly and rolled her eyes in response. He internally celebrated his deduction skills as she leaned her front hooves on the edge of the table.
"Now ain't that a question... Busy, mostly. Applebuckin' season's comin up', meanin' we got ourselves some real busy work in the near future. Plus, family's been showin' up all week fer the Celebration, and it's been more'n a bit hectic tryin' to herd em' all." Her expression softened as she let out a sigh, and a sweet smile crossed her face. "Still, It don't bother me none. It's the kinda stress that's worth the trouble."
He let a similar smile grow on his face while his mind chewed furiously on everything that had just happened. She did work on a farm, so he was thankfully correct. Adding to that, it was fairly likely she was an Apple as well; unless there was another apple farm nearby. She also had a large family, they were all in town for the celebration, and she was in charge of them.
Not incredibly important for the conversation, but building a profile was at least a good idea. What was important was her obvious love for her family. That might be important in certain scenarios. He could sway either of their responses that way with a little effort if need be.
He was about to ask another leading question about her family to hopefully get some names, when she suddenly turned to him with a questioning tone of her own, interrupting the forming query on his lips. "By the by, Granny's been askin' after you. Wants to know If'n you'll be comin' 'round fer a dinner with the family 'fore they all head home after the Celebration."
She paused for a moment as her face took on an unexpectedly bashful tone. Her hooves met in the middle of the edge of the table to poke sheepishly at each other, and she stared down at them shyly. "And.. Y'know... I wouldn't mind much either..."
The sudden addition to the end of her thought caught him seriously off guard, and he nearly choked on a nervous swallow. She said her 'granny' was inviting him to a family dinner, which was a gut punch in itself; but he could read the subtext in her words pretty easily, and it sounded like she was the one who really wanted him to come.
The bashful expression still on her face as she nervously flicked her eyes up to his spoke heavily to the truth of a thought forming in his head, and he could already feel several of his internal processes failing as they struggled to comprehend it.
Did... Did she like him?
What... what did he do? What had he done? What... How should he handle this?! There... There wasn't any way to comfortably fit this into his profile! He couldn't use her emotions against her! He... He wasn't a monster!
Aren't you?
An orange hoof was suddenly brushing up against his own, and he roughly jerked it away without thinking. He realized belatedly that he was breathing much harder than he should have been, and he struggled to control himself as he brought his eyes up to lock onto two concerned pools of green.
He held his hoof tightly to his chest as the orange pony searched his face for a moment. He didn't know what she was looking for, and he didn't know if she found it either by the time she suddenly started speaking in a cautious tone. "Light? You all right? Um.. Y-You don't have to come out if y'all ain't feelin' it..."
He could barely hear what she said through the noise in his ears, but she was concerned for him; and that was normal. He was acting very strange, and his friend was concerned about it. But how strange was he acting? He was a strange pony, so she probably expected him to be strange, but was he being extraneously strange? What level of strangeness should he shoot for?! Was there a proper measurement for levels of strangeness?! How did he quantify it?!
His throat felt tight with the pressure of the screaming fear in his head, and it only grew worse as he opened his mouth to blab some sort of platitude and found nothing coming out. The orange pony's obvious concern grew ever deeper as her body tensed up, and a strange kind of guilt entered her eyes.
Words continued to fail him as the orange pony began to speak falteringly while leaning slightly away from the table, as if bracing for some sort of impact. "...Rarity talked about y'all actin' real strange... but ah told her you were probably just in another mood..." Her eyes narrowed as an edge of fear entered her face. "Ah'm... Sugarcube, ah know y'all can be absent sometimes, but... please tell me you're okay?"
His heart dropped as his jaw flapped uselessly, and his head began to shake autonomously. What did he tell her? What should he say?
What would save him?
Nothing came to mind, and the orange pony found her answer in the silence. As he stared blankly at her, her face took on a tone of silent, grim, sadness; and she stood up from the table. His vision began to blur as a hot feeling came to his eyes, and he stretched his head toward her slightly blurry visage as he tried desperately to force words through the devastation blocking his throat.
"...I'll be right back, sugarcube. Don't go anywhere, y'hear?" Her voice was soft and her words were gentle, but it did little to soften the worried look on her face; and practically nothing to assuage the burning feeling of despair in his chest. His hoof raised tentatively towards her form as she turned and made her way up the stairs.
And suddenly, he was alone.
He sat there in the relative silence for a moment, still staring out after the orange pony who was well on her way to unmasking him; before he let out a quiet sniff and set his eyes and his hoof onto the table. Without the cause of the panic flashing before his eyes, he could wrangle his breathing into something calmer; and begin to try to make sense of everything that had just happened.
He was still feeling somewhat shellshocked, and he wasn't breathing that calmly, and there was still a growing party going on around him; but he could make an honest attempt at categorizing his failures. He might have felt somewhat like a drowned rat, but the chill in his withers would go away eventually.
Everything had gone very well at first, and he had extracted a large amount of information from the orange pony without acting too strange. Idle conversation was easy enough, especially when he wasn't the one doing most of it. Then she had personally invited him to an important dinner, and... he just... fell apart.
Because she liked him.
And after that, he had just kind of.. shut down. Which made it pretty obvious to his conversation partner that something was wrong.
But what was wrong? Was he just afraid of the thought that somepony liked him? Was that the cause of the choking fear that clogged his words?
If he was thinking rationally, it was probably just the show of affection. He had already had an entire breakdown on why it would be a bad idea to spend time with somepony who knew him, and there he was sitting and chatting with somepony who might have been more than a friend.
And now she was suspicious of him, and she had gone off to talk to another pony that he hadn't even known was also suspicious of him. His lies were falling to pieces around him, and he didn't even know how to begin picking them all up.
And now, he was just sitting; waiting for her to come back.
Because he didn't know what else to do.
Well, here it is. My badly neutered chapter 33. 
So funny story about this one, I have 4000 more words that were originally also in this chapter. And it wasn't even done yet.
Yes, this chapter was over 11k words long before I cut it down.
I can already hear you asking: 'Why did you do this to us Jinx? Why would you ever even write that much in the first place you idiot?'. Well, I did it because I don't know the meaning of restraint. 
This chapter is special, as you can all see; but it was supposed to be even more special. I obviously can't talk about the stuff I cut and am still planning to write, but this chapter was meant to be nearly double its current length.
I had so much planned for this experience, but I needed to cut it down. As the chapter went on, It just got worse and worse as I got more and more tired and I just kept cutting more and more stuff in the interest of saving time...
I've been writing so much for so many days now, and I just need to take a bit of a break. I decided to cut my losses and break the chapter into two or three tinier pieces, for the sake of my health and its quality.
So here we are, with the first part of The Party; for your reading pleasure.
I don't really know what else to say, since I don't even know a rough estimate of the next chapter's release. Obviously, I have a large chunk of it done, but I don't know when I'm gonna cycle into a mood where I can finish it.
So, I guess just, see you later? Hope you enjoyed the antics? Sorry about Applejack?
Oh, afterthought: no more long chapters. I'm limiting myself to a maximum of 6k words per chapter. 
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We desperately need an intermission chapter or three, just so we have a non-mentally-compromised point of view (and train of thought) WRT Light Flow today.
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But then how would we have any fun at all?
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We have never had a narrator worth trusting in this story. Jinx ain't gonna change that 30+ chapters in.
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The day I compromise on my creative vision is the day I give up on creativity altogether.
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with the way this story going that would be nightmare moon pov
This may be the single most hypocritical thing Light Flow has ever said.
Alright for the rest of it. Oof.
Low key confession to Light, but hes currently got his memory erased, and he will definetly be too shy to remeber when he does get them back.
I hope this doesnt end up being the cant spit it out romantic trope. Hate that thing.
Also AJ is getting... I have no idea. Twilight possibly? Rarity?
I'm not sure what she thinks is going on. Shes picking up on his fear and confusion and animal panic I imagine, but she might wrongly think she caused that.
Or that hes in a public place.
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Well, think about it. If you had a friend like Light for so many years, what would be your #1 biggest fear?
*hint hint i'd be worried about him going crazy or hurting himself*
I love this insane narration.
I think this is a great representation of a mental breakdown, everything from the buildup, the snap, the zoning out and the shutdown, it feels so genuine.
I've been there before Light Flow, you gotta keep it together!
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Well let's be fair. (If my speculation is right) Light did hurt himself and drive himself crazy.
She just doesn't know why he did it, or how.
Indeed further speculating that he did erased his memories of Applebloom and Applejack. (Since they were far more thoroughly scrubbed out than the rest).
He might have done it specifically to protect them.
Which is. Hm. It's interesting how you are able to convey how much Light really cares for them and loves them. While having him be a totally blank slate.
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... Actually I'll be frank, I'm gonna have to put this down.
Stories that take place mostly inside a character's head are not for me.
Light’s complete lack of social skills is so relatable.
Applejack seems to have given him a freaking panic attack (he totally has ASD) because she actually confessed to him, and I’m interested to know what’s going to happen with Applejack.
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Oh, that's too bad. You're commenting on chapter 33 though, so I'll assume you made it through the whole story anyway; which shows a commendable level of dedication.
Or you gave up somewhere along the way and the site just put your comment here for no reason, in which case: disregard my commendation completely, but also have a good night!
Yeah, I just wrote this comment and then 5 minutes later remembered that comments absolutely work that way; which makes it very likely that I've embarrassed myself here.
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When you think about it, the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration is a pretty good time to come out with your feelings. And not just any SSC, it's the turn of the millennium to boot.
Not that I'm saying that that's 100% for sure what Applejack did, but it would be pretty romantic.
10936379
Hypothetically, if Applejack admitted her feelings, once again, hypothetically, why not now?
Honestly try having a set cutoff length for each chapter with some flex either way for the sake of ending on a good note. Most regular books have more organically shaped chapters, but I've noticed pretty much everything on fimfic is episodic and episodic content is more consistent when its about the same length each "episode". So basically just make sure you aren't biting off too much, as the more you keep track of in one writing session the harder it is for your brain to handle it all.
I know it seems weird that arbitrarily breaking it off makes it easier to manage but sadly we are apes and our brains are only so good with moving parts.
So slow
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The plot will get somewhere someday!
I hope the entrance of Twilight will really set things going. Either that or he’ll just stay shell-shocked in the corner for the entire party and well into the next morning.
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I really think it would be in everyone's best interest if Light just found a nice basement to sit quietly in until the threat of the end of the world has passed.
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What? Before he entirely upends the canon resolution through giving Twilight a heart attack the moment she comes down stairs and sees a complete stranger sitting in the library corner.
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Now this is a subversive play.
The type of plot no one could ever have seen coming.
I really hope his insanity nearing it's end because it's getting incredibly tiresome.
It's very exhausting to follow the character that is in constant danger, you know? Mental or not.
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You’re probably right, though if you’re looking at the timeline of events, we’re getting really close to the logical finale of this little arc!
I know I’m excited! Now I just have to… write it..
The story is a little slow, but hopefully that changes in the future chapters. Anyway, I'm looking forward towards the next chapter.
Ya know what? This is pretty good, love the main character, the Plot is very interesting.
You've done a great job with the story
I hope light gets a break from all this fuck shit after the fact, dude needs a vacation
It's a good size chapter and we'll written so all is good