Chapter 1 - The Walk Home
Celestial Year 991 AB
Equestria.
It's a beautiful place, one we all know well. A marvelous, wonderful place, where all of a pony's dreams can come true. From the light-dappled capital Canterlot to the high spires of the bustling metropolis Manehatten, there's a place for everypony.
Filled with wonders and whimsy. Sights and sounds. Music and mayhem. Ponies and palaces.
Creatures... and chapters of my newest book! Hello there, ponies of all ages! I'm the world-famous author, Page Puncher, and I'm here to talk to you about-
Light Flow sighed as he pressed his ears back, tuning out the inane babbling coming from the nearby radio. He had hoped to catch something about the weather report for tomorrow, but there seemed to be a pivotal lack of dice today.
Rainstorms make for excellent brooding!
He turned away and pushed through the crowded front of the local bakery to continue his trot down the street towards his home. His mother always worried when he came home late, and though it didn't fit at all with his thoroughly established personality, he didn't really want her to freak out at him.
He hated when she freaked out. It made him feel the total opposite of dark and brooding.
He wasn't a foal!
Making his way through the twilit-cast streets of Ponyville, he kept a cautious eye on each and every one of the ponies he passed—watching what they were doing, hearing what they were saying, and—this was important—plotting out where they were going.
It was a bad habit of his, really it was—though one he'd been trying very hard to fabricate for himself. It was a popular opinion in his books that cool ponies were wary and cautious, and that meant keeping a close eye on the ponies around him.
He was cool and watchful! Yes he was!
Unfortunately, as he did his very best to fit into his own definition of cool, he walked directly into a pony who was quite obviously standing in front of him. If he had been any good at looking at the ponies around him, he definitely would have noticed the obstacle—though he'd never admit it to anypony.
The collision thoroughly shocked him out of his pony watching, and so he turned a furious gaze upon the fool that dared to stand in his way!
Oh. It was his neighbor, a wrinkly old hag of an earth pony mare. He didn't actually know her name, but she was really nice, and she gave him fresh fruit from her cart sometimes.
Not that he appreciated it or anything. Or ever asked.
Nice ponies are the antithesis of those who lurk in the dark!
He frowned at her, swishing his two-tone red and brown mane out of his eyes most venomously. He had grown his mane out specifically so that he could do that. Mysterious ponies always have long manes that they have to constantly flip out of their eyes.
Of course, he was only nine, and his mane was barely long enough to even dip down into his vision—but it was the principle of the thing! The principle!
Behind his smoldering glare, he was thinking about how much longer it would take for his mane to reach the industry-certified cool length. He wasn't really sure how long that actually was, but he was sure that he would know it when it happened.
The annoying old mare was still there, though—he had to make her go away. He shook his head slightly to shoo the stray thoughts away, and turned his short attention towards the pony in front of him.
The nice pony who he hated smiled down at him sweetly, completely and utterly unaware of the plot he was hatching at that very second to dispose of the hated do-gooder! First, he would club her over the head! Then he would get rid of the witnesses. Then he would-
"Well, hello there, Light Flow! How are you today? Are you getting along with the other foals at school? You're not getting into fights are you? Are you getting enough to eat? How is your mother? Is she well? You know, I saw her the other day at-"
The nice pony whom he despised cleverly targeted his only weakness: boring things! His eyes quickly glazed over, and he began to lose focus on his forming plan to dispose of the body.
No! He cannot be defeated!
He had to think of a way to escape the nonsense filling his head! He was in serious danger, here! After all, how could he plot his schemes if all he could think about was his mother's encounters with boring old ladies!? It was all he could do to just try to catch his fleeing thoughts before they escaped his head and let those around him know of his dastardly schemes.
Metaphorically making a leap, he finally managed to wrangle one! Yes—he had a plan, now all he had to do was implement it...
"Um, that sounds great, ma'am, but I gotta get home—so bye!" He mumbled out, and quickly left the NOT-victorious old mare behind.
The plan was a total success! He heard her call out about whether his mother was free tomorrow, but he shut his ears from the sickly-sweet words of the kind fruit vendor. Resolving to steel his will against her endless tirades of nothingness the next time he encountered her, he continued his trot down the street to his home.
Turning onto his street, the setting sun framed the far-off royal city of Canterlot on its high-and-mighty mountain, reminding him of his iron resolve to one day rule from there with a mighty, bloody hoof! He stood around for a moment, admiring the cool shades of encroaching nighttime and reveling in the darkness, before promptly hurrying on his way.
Of course night is his favorite time of day! It's not scary at all!
He stalked through the darkness, letting it envelop him like a cloak—letting out a fearsome battlecry when something in the gloom twitched. He whirled around to the source, ready for frantic battle, but found nothing except the quiet, docile shadows. He laughed in a fearsome manner, turning and continuing at a confidently average pace towards his home.
Even the most fearsome monsters fear something—and that something was Light Flow!
As his house came into view, he hefted an internal sigh, and let his well-practiced stormy visage fade away. He trotted across his slightly-overgrown lawn with his brows furrowed and his ears folded, and as he came to his doorstep, he cast a glance down at his brown hooves with their maternally sheared fetlocks and let a real frown form on his face.
Practicing to be a villain is really hard...
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It is huh?
Depends on your definition of villainy.
He could go with the classic, dick dastardly approach to villainy, complete with evil laugh and dastardly plans which inevitably fail.
10820855
Watch! As I pull this conveniently placed lever!
*Explosion*
So. This guy got into his edgy phase, started doing edgy things and never stopped?
10825735
That's about the long and short of it, yeah.
10825744
You bought me like a pack of gummy bears.
I'm in
10825801
The ride is long, but it only gets better.
Strap in, and watch your head.
This is reminding me a lot of The Worst Equestrian Necromancer. I love this guy and his wannabe Emo demeanor.
10864861
He tries so so hard, but it's pretty obvious to everyone around him that he could only come off as sort of annoying at best.
you smell like Mark Twain ;)
11151188
...Thanks..?
11151212
I think that’s a threat
11210754
It's more than possible that my life may be in danger.
If I'm not heard from, let people know that I died with the next five chapters finished and unpublished.
not true but i want people to cry for me
Oh well isn't he just the most precious little thing!
Like one of those little chihuahua/rat terrier things that go yapyapyapyapyapyap all day long. Very evil.
11406576
He's a wimpy little terrier who thinks he's about fifty times the size.
His only real weapons are annoyance and nipping at heels.
There are stories on here that read like someone took a blender to a paperback. This isn't one of them. This chapter was actually quite readable and enjoyable, so don't be too hard on yourself. Still, it's great to see that you're motivated to improve.
11416983
...That's an incredible simile, and I'm trying desperately to figure if it relates to my current style of writing.
Would you say that, hypothetically, a blended paperback would read as a jumbled mess of words that make no sense, or an impenetrable wall of impossibly articulated and over-emphasized series of synonyms and sequiturs that inevitably leave the people reading dazed and confused? I'm absolutely dying to know.
...For purely theoretical purposes, of course. Not saying my writing is like that or anything.
is that a cool dude from a parallel universe ?
11420659
...I wouldn't call him cool.
Adorable and hilarious.
Wow, Shadesplit, that's a lotta deleted messages. Anyway, like others have said, I don't see anything wrong. Except the fact that Light Flow believes, as of this chapter, that being emo/evil is cool.
Also...
Translation...
Hey, being watchful and attentive of your surroundings is cool...
I’ve been reading fics for a couple years now and this has got to be on the top of my list for most enjoyable first chapters, I really hope it continues like this.
Light flow attempting to be the ultimate edge lord is really fun to read.
11807112
D'aw, thank you! Be forewarned, though, that I recently edited this chapter and a few upcoming to be... readable.
I have plans to edit all the chapters of the story up until a certain point so they aren't miserable to sit through, but it's slow going. After a while, it's not gonna be all that fun to read until, like, three hundred thousand words later.
Good luck, though, and I hope you stick with it!
11807173
You readable I say enjoyable! I loved the little twist in the beginning of the perspective shift from radio pony to Light Flow. Reading this funny little goober trying his best to be edgy was great! I'm excited to keep reading!