I'm Freaking Out
"Awesome is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to dash conflict by rainbow means."
Graphs
***
"That was amazing, Dashie! You were all like, whoosh, and we were all like, 'Woah!', so I was all like 'How does she do that?' Oh! But before that, those two mares were fighting and nopony was listening! Not even Blitzy even though they were right on top of-"
"And hi to you too, Pinkie," Dash said in calming tones. Best settle her down before her exaggerated hoof motions sent her flying like a helicopter even further into the sky. Then she turned to her other friends. "I'm glad you girls could make it."
The pony posse closed in on their previously absent friend, locking her in something akin to a group hug. Blitz found himself locked in as well. He wanted to snort in disgust at such a girly display, but he couldn't quite bring himself to be upset with being squeezed against his double.
"That sure was some fancy flyin' out there, Dash. Y'all gonna be able to do yer show after that?" Applejack's smile suggested that there was no real uncertainty there.
Dash returned the look. "Don't worry. That was nothing compared to what we've got planned."
"And thanks to her," Blitz continued. "We get to kick back and leave you hanging until the end."
"Almost the end!" shot Lightning Dust as she plopped back down into her chair. She sat smugly with her hind legs on the safety rail and her forelegs behind her head.
The collective rolling of eyes was nearly audible among the thousands of other conversations in the stadium. Blitz looked in her direction and made a face that could only be described as stupid. He then shook his head around as if he were talking. The group broke into stifled giggles, discounting Pinkie's, of course. Her giggle always escapes.
"Well then. On that note I think I'll make a trip to filly's room." Rarity separated herself from the huddle and made way to the stairs. "Dash. Twilight. Would you come too?"
In hindsight, it was not a good idea to try and be subtle with those two.
"Are you okay?" her fellow unicorn asked with concern in her eyes.
"But I don't have to go," the pegasus answered.
Rarity placed her hoof on her forehead, hoping it would grant her the patience to deal with the clueless. "Then you'll brush your hair! Just humor me, please."
"I don't need to brush my hair."
The forehead to the hoof was not helping. "Okay. Fine. What if I told you I have a special brush that will untangle the knots in your hair and...oh I don't know. It will help with wind resistance or something."
Rainbow Dash was no longer behind Rarity, but instead hovering by the entrance to the stadium's interior. "What are you waiting for?" she yelled. "C'mon!"
Rarity shook her head and began her ascent. Twilight cautiously followed.
"Hey! Hold up!" Blitz called to them. "I want the special brushing too!"
"I'm terribly sorry, dear," the white unicorn answered without turning her head. "It doesn't work on stallions."
He watched, discouraged, as they disappeared into the cloud corridors. "Fricken..."
Applejack laughed and patted his back. "Don't ya worry none, sugarcube. She's just one o' them ponies that needs a herd to go to the bathroom."
"Well she could let me borrow it for a second," he said with a pout.
"There ain't no brush, Blitz."
"What? Why would she lie about that?"
The mare shrugged. "Ah' reckon she wants some girl talk or somthin'."
"Lame."
...
"This is lame," Dash should have thought instead of saying aloud in the restroom. She had a good view of her scowl in the mirror. Next to said scowl were her two unicorn friends. The white one wore a serene smile as she ran an apparently unenchanted brush through Dash's colorful but tangled mane. The purple one just looked concerned.
"Hush, darling. It's important to keep your mane presentable." Rarity found that her patience returned when fashion was involved. She was in her element.
"No it isn't. I haven't touched a brush in days."
"I can tell," she said, wincing at each knot she broke.
Dash didn't flinch. "Well can I go back, then?"
"Nope," Rarity replied cheerfully. "You agreed and there's plenty more to be done. So lets talk and make this easier, shall we?"
"Fine..."
Twilight watched their discussion from the side, unsure of where she could fit in.
Why did she want me here, exactly? My mane is fine. I think. Why am I here for small talk when I'm not even talking?
"So how was your trip?" Rarity asked with a discreet glance at Twilight. "We've asked Blitz, but stallions aren't to keen on details."
Dash shrugged. "It was pretty cool. Canterlot Valley is awesome. It's a lot like the Everfree Forest, but without all the monsters that want to kill you."
Rarity gritted her teeth. You know I'm not asking about the valley, Dash. Why does nopony understand subtext?
"Did Blitz behave himself? Just say the word and we'll give him a good thrashing." The unicorn's words had none of the hostility one would expect, considering the threat.
Twilight's eyebrows rose up to her horn. Sure, she had jumped to some inward conclusions herself. But she knew deep down nothing like that would happen. Rainbow wouldn't do that to herself. Himself. Whatever.
Before her imagination could throw a tantrum, Dash let out a chuckle.
"Nah. We were fine. It got tough for a second, but it got better." Her eyes glazed over as she drifted momentarily to another world. "A lot better."
Rarity resisted the urge to squeal with delight and ask her everything. Everything. She had to go on with the Plan.
"Well, should things ever cease to get a lot better, don't hesitate to come to us. We would be more than happy to get rid of him for you. I'm sure Twilight and I could scrounge up an anti-duplication spell somewhere."
The purple unicorn's mind began to race again. It was a good racer. Had a lot of practice.
I can't destroy him! He's a pony! He's not just some thing to be thrown out when we're tired of him! What is she thinking!?
Her mouth was agape as if she would say all the words of protest on her mind. A rather generous assumption on her part. But, Dash came to the rescue again.
She rolled her eyes like a pony growing tired of a joke. In fact, exactly like a pony growing tired of a joke. Probably because she was growing tired of the joke.
"Jeez, Rares. What's up with you? We're fine. I've actually been having a great time since he came around. Heck, I wouldn't even be doing this competition if it wasn't for him."
The white unicorn smirked. "Neither of you are at all concerned with him being a clone?"
"It's not like we think about it all that much. As far as I care, he's just some guy that started hanging out with me after I crashed through your window. No big deal."
Oh, here we go, Twilight groaned inwardly having allowed herself to take in Rarity's ploy.
"Would you say you two are friends now?"
Dash snickered nasally, her mouth curling up on one side. "Friends wouldn't do what we do. But sure, you could say that."
I soooo don't want to hear this right now. Twilight imagined dragging her hooves across her face to display her displeasure, but she couldn't very well do so in front of her colorful friend. One thing they did agree on was that Rainbow, both Dash and Blitz, should be kept out of the discussion.
"Wonderful! I'm so glad you two are having so much fun together!"
"Yeah. Great. Can I go now?"
Rarity pouted. "Must you? You're mane has so much potential. If you would just give me a chance with it, you would look simply divine!"
"I'll take that as a yes." Dash promptly walked away mid-brush, causing a few more snaps as loose hairs fell to the floor.
The door swung shut, leaving nothing but the unpleasant smell of a public bathroom between the two unicorns. One readied her ears while the other was about ready to fire up her mouth.
"What," the latter unicorn said in a surprisingly calm voice, "the hay was that?" The beginnings of anger loomed behind her eyes.
"What was what, dear?" the former replied.
"Don't play dumb. You were trying to change my mind about the clones again."
"The thought hadn't even crossed my mind."
"You didn't really let it go. You were just luring me in."
"I haven't the faintest idea what you are referring to, Twilight. I just wanted to ask Rainbow Dash about that stallion of hers. You know how much I love gossip."
Twilight ignored the change of subject. "And this was supposed to be your big finale!" she yelled with a flourish of her hooves. "When I see that it's all okay! When I give in! Is that it?!" She was pacing the room now, mumbling between outbursts.
"Calm down, Twilight," Rarity said in her most soothing voice. "I'm not trying anything."
"I bet you were behind the apple too! I'm sure of it! That would be just like you! Using cat paws when you don't get what you want!"
"Are you quite finished?" the clam one asked after Twilight did a few raging laps around the bathroom.
She walked herself over to the sinks and turned on the water with a hoof. Unfortunately, it was one of those temporary push faucets that stay on for a total of half a second. When her other hoof made to splash some of the stream to her face, the water had ceased to fall. Growling, she flared her horn and forced the button down beyond its limit. It twisted in her magical grasp, grinding on the metal casing until it glowed in its own right. When the purple aura dissipated, the button was fused to the counter.
With her wet bangs now covering her eyes, she turned to her friend with a look that was supposed to be stoic. "Yes..."
"Good. Because we have yet to have a civilized discussion about this." Rarity moved to her wet companion and set about fixing her hair. "How about we agree to keep emotions out of this, hmm?"
Twilight scoffed inwardly at the thought of her keeping emotions out of an issue. But she nodded nonetheless.
"Alright. So, I haven't yet heard a tangible reason for your objection. You've referenced a 'feeling', but those have no value. You should know as much."
The purple unicorn noticed some of the futility in fixing her hair and summoned a blow dryer to aid them. "Okay. That is correct. However, you also haven't given me any reason to follow through with your plans."
"On the contrary," Rarity said, smiling. "I have clearly stated that it would be fun."
The librarian rolled her eyes. "Forgive me if that sort of magic for the purpose of 'fun' seems a bit inappropriate."
"Fair enough," she responded, nodding. "But what about your research? You don't know all about the spell. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't a larger data pool prove to be useful for this sort of thing? Mind you, it's been quite some time since my last science lesson."
Twilight bit her lip. That was true. That would be convincing enough for any impartial mage with a drive to learn. This one, however, was almost certainly partial. One might even say she was extremely partial.
"I can get everything I need without creating duplicates of our friends," she lied, hoping that Rarity would not remember her previous lesson on how magic with ponies was different from magic with objects.
The fashionista scowled, searching for a rebuttal. "Fine. Suppose it is not practical. It still would make us happy, though. It would also make you happy, seeing as I would no longer have to nag you about it."
"A pile of candy would make a filly happy, but that doesn't make it good for her."
"Do you take us for fillies?"
"You know what I mean. You can't just do something because you think you might enjoy it. There has to be a purpose."
"Have I not mentioned applications?"
"You mean slave labor?"
"Hardly!" Rarity guffawed. "Tell me. What would it take for you to agree?"
A lobotomy, thought Twilight And maybe a few shakes of salt. Of course these wouldn't suffice. It would have to be something subjective. Completely up to her.
"I would need to see that Equestria can benefit from more of us. Unquestionably."
Rarity pondered that one for a moment. Was she defeated? Would she drop the subject?
"Very well, then," she said in an unperturbed tone. She then turned and sauntered to the bathroom door.
The development confused Twilight. "Where are you going?"
"Why, back to our seats dear. You can hardly expect proof to show up here of all places. Now are you coming or not."
Taking Twilight's tired sigh as a "yes", she continued through the doorway.The purple unicorn scowled at the floor, following Rarity's curly tail on the very edge of her vision.
Great, she thought. She took it as a challenge. What else can I get myself into tonight?
Fate. Tempting it. Bad. Et cetera.
The door swung shut, leaving the restroom in silence. After a few moments, a flush came from a stall just before a timid looking filly snuck out with a frightened face.
"I don't know and I don't want to know," she whispered, shaking her head.
...
This is really awkward. Why don't they just sit in their own seats? Why are they staring at each other? Why are they growling? Ngh!
Two pegasi jockeyed for a hold on the stallion in a manner they thought was nonchalant. They were wrong, of course, as everypony could, and did, see. It was difficult not to notice when one pony had two other fully grown ponies practically on top of him. Passive aggressiveness was not their forte. Full on aggressiveness was more their style.
Blitz turned over his shoulder to his friends with a pleading look, internally screaming "What do I do!?"
They offered little help. Pinkie was preoccupied with bobbing her head to whatever pop song the DJ had going during the break. Fluttershy hid her eyes, lest she be drawn into a conflict. Applejack could only offer a snicker and a shrug.
Meanwhile, Spitfire looked up at her target's chin. He had turned in her direction to look back, not in that hussie's.
Ha! He likes me more! she telepathically said to Lightning dust the way arguing mares can do.
You wish! the green pegasus shot back with her eyes. He's just afraid real mares!
Oh, and I'm not real enough, then?
You're some overrated celebrity trying to pick up one of your fans.
The only reason you're not doing that is that you don't have fans.
Their squeezing intensified until Blitz could no longer feel his forelegs. Like a claustrophobic in a tin can, he had to get out.
His wings sprang up through his assailants and propelled him into the air. "I have to... go to the... get some... the thing. See ya!" He then took off in a cloud of smoke resembling the shape of a fearful stallion.
His abrupt exit caused the two mares to collapse onto the space between them, yet again flaring up their wordless confrontation.
Way to go Spitfire, Lightning thought. You scared him off.
Me? I thought I wasn't 'real enough'. You freaked him out with all your 'real'-ness.
He'll come around. That is, if you get going.
Champ, you're out of your league. Why don't you run along to your comatose partner so the adults can talk.
I'll whoop you any time, any place. Stick around and I'll show you.
You are not the first trash talking rookie to challenge me. And let me tell you something. It never ended well for them.
I'm different.
They said that too.
Lightning, the phenomenon, not the pony, flickered between their eyes. Then a third bolt arced into the fray from the pink mane behind them. Startled, the pegasi broke off their glares and looked to the newcomer.
"Yay!" Pinkie shouted, leaning over the seats. "I won!"
...
Three thumps came from the speakers, turning the crowd's attention to their MC.
"Sup everypony?" said Vinyl as she sat back down at her table. "Your favorite DJ here with a slightly more drunk Octavia!"
The grey earth pony beside her sighed into her microphone. "Need I remind you that I hold my liquor a bit better than you?"
"Sure you do, Tavi." Vinyl then leaned into her mic. "She totally doesn't," she whispered.
There was a crash as the unicorn fell down. Her partner definitely didn't kick her chair out.
"There we are," Octavia said, amused. "Now then, let's get started, shall we? Will our first contestants please take their positions?" She waited for two mares to clumsily make their way into the center of the stadium. "Do we have a name for you two?"
One yelled something at the top of her lungs. Or, it looked like it. The relatively sedate chatter of the audience was still enough to drown out her words to Octavia.
"I'm sorry, what?"
The DJ got up, unperturbed at being struck. "She said 'The Sky Sisters'. Decent name. I'll start on your signal, guys. Just gimme the go ahead and I'll turn it up!"
"What exactly have we got this time?"
"These guys? They will be flying to some classic-"
"Oh thank goodness. Somepony has some taste in this-"
"-rock."
Octavia deflated and rested her head on her hoof. "You paused on purpose, didn't you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she responded with a grin.
"Fine. Meanwhile I do believe they are trying to get your attention."
"Huh? Oh! Sorry guys! Hit it!"
...
The empty corridors of the Cloudiseum made for a decent flight path, which was good considering he was fleeing with haste.
Blitz was kicking himself for missing the the first guys to go. It wasn't like they would be super entertaining. In fact, they would almost certainly be mediocre. But there was that bond between ponies in similar fields. You challenge those at your level while encouraging those below you. It makes you feel like a part of something.
However, in Blitz's case, he would also be a part of a Blitz sandwich.
That was another thing that concerned him. Shouldn't any stallion of age dream of such an occurrence? Even if they were just leaning on him as friends, he should still be able to enjoy the experience, right?
It felt weird, he thought, face contorting into a wry frown. Bad. Like I was betraying somepony.
So engrossed was he, that he failed to take notice of the mare that flung her foreleg out and clotheslined him.
"Gluh!" he choked, falling almost painfully to the cloudy floor. Thankfully, skulls don't crack against water vapor.
"There you are," said a familiar voice as it hopped on top of him, eliciting another grunt from the stallion. "Do you have any idea where everypony is? I can't find anything in this place."
One would assume that assault is enough thoroughly piss somepony off. Enough that looking up, smiling, and wrapping one's forelegs around the attacker's waist would be out of the question.
On the other hoof, one is rarely clotheslined by Rainbow Dash.
"C'mon, dude. Am I so sexy that you can't even talk?"
Blitz laughed. "Nah. But I do have priorities. And let me tell you something. Talking is very low on the list right now."
Dash carnivorously bared her teeth. "Maybe later. But really, though. Where are our seats?"
He looked behind him to see no landmarks that distinguished this area from any other. Having been lost in thought for the trip, he had no idea how far he'd flown.
"No clue. I just wanted to get out of there."
"What happened?"
"Lightning Dust was being weird again and so was Spitfire!"
The mare rolled her eyes as she helped her clone to his hooves. "Not this again."
"I'm serious! They were, like, leaning on me and stuff!"
She looked at him expectantly.
"What?"
"Is that it?"
"Yes that's it!" he exclaimed, exasperated. "You want more?"
"Uh, yeah? The seats don't have dividers. Ponies will lean on each other."
Blitz pouted and looked away. "I still didn't like it," he muttered.
Dash tilted her head to the side. "Are you sure you're my clone? 'cause I don't remember being this awkward around other ponies."
"I'm not awkward! It was like they were hugging me, or something."
"Hugging you."
"Aggressively."
"Uh huh."
"I swear!"
"I believe you," she said, smiling like a pegasus that most certainly did not believe you. "In fact, let's go back so I can watch it."
"I don't want to..."
"Fine. I'll sit next to you and block one of them. How's that?"
"Fine."
They began to walk to where Blitz had fled from, managing to resist the offers of the many merchants that called to them.
"So what did they need you for in the bathroom there?" asked Blitz. "The brush was a lie, wasn't it?"
"Not exactly." Dash ran a hoof through her mane, finding that it glided rather smoothly as opposed to catching on any knots.
"It looks nice?" He guessed that was the correct thing to say to a mare. You couldn't really go wrong with a compliment.
She glanced at him and snorted.
"Yeah, I was just saying that. I don't see a difference. It was already cool, though."
"Tch. Thanks. Anyway, they kept asking me questions- well Rarity was, anyway- about you."
Blitz's eyebrows rose to the heavens. This was either really good, or really bad.
"Oh yeah? What about?"
"Rarity seemed like she was kind of suspicious of you. Like you hurt me or something."
"Really bad, then," he muttered.
"When I told her you were fine, she kept asking if we were having fun and if we were friends or whatever."
"What's that all about?"
"I dunno. Rarity probably wants to get Twilight back into the dating scene or something."
The snickered simultaneously. A simultaneous snicker.
"Sure," Blitz said sarcastically. "That'll happen."
"I know, right? Meanwhile, they never told us we could name our team."
"Oh yeah. She was saying something about that on the intercom. You thinking what I'm thinking?"
There was no pause for consideration. "Double Rainbow?"
"Double Rainbow."
They shared a hoofbump like no other. The shockwave rocked the world around them, bending space, time, and spacetime. Only after the dust cleared did Dash notice the sign above one of the stairwells.
"A 15 through... yup. This is us." She started her way downward only to find that her clone was not in tow. "You coming?" she called back.
The stallion stood in front of a vendor, scratching his chin in contemplation. "You think I should get a foam hoof?"
"Why the hell do you need a foam hoof?"
"I dunno. If they bother me, I could just stick it between us or smack them around with it or something."
"You're ridiculous. Just come on. I want to see some of the first show."
Thankfully, they found the assembly of their friends, sans two unicorns, further down. There was another winged creature there too, however. It hovered next to Fluttershy, dragging its talons across the back of its neck apologetically.
Dash squinted at them despite being able to move closer for a better look. "Dude, is that Gilda?"
"Hm? Yeah, I think it is. I forgot she was going to be here."
Just as the two pegasi cantered into earshot, they caught the tail end of a "sorry" and the sight of Gilda being engulfed in a yellow, fluffy hug. She smiled awkwardly and patted Fluttershy on the back with one claw. Hugs weren't her thing, it seemed.
"So," she said, trying to gently pull out of the embrace. "Are we cool?"
Applejack shrugged. "Ya didn't really do nuthin' to me, sugar cube. But I reckon I can understand when somebody loses their temper. How 'bout you, Pinkie?"
The pink pony smiled ear to ear. "Put her there, Gil!" She held out a hoof that quite obviously donned a joy buzzer.
Gilda smirked and went in anyway.
Their hoofs/claws met, triggering a loud buzzing sound. The griffon didn't flinch. Pinkie's smile faded into a confused frown as her toy began to smoke with no visual effect on the target.
The earth pony drew back her hoof to examine the buzzer. Nothing appeared wrong with it. She brought it to her face and cautiously pressed her tongue to the trigger.
After the expected happened and Pinkie had a moment to flail her zapped tongue about, she looked back to Gilda.
"Wah happen?" Pinkie said with only a little bit of spittle falling to the floor.
The griffon shrugged. "I've been practicing with some lightning. Those things don't really work on me anymore."
"He he. Well woo bawt be, Bilda!"
Dash appeared behind Gilda, locking her head under her arm. "Nice one, G! It's not easy to pull one over on ol' Pinkie here!"
Blitz approached on her other side. "How'd you get her to lick it, though?"
"Yeah!" Pinkie spat. "How bid woo bet be tho blick id?"
Fluttershy wiped her hoof through her mane, wincing when it contacted wetness.
"Magic," the griffon replied mysteriously, wiggling her claws at the ponies.
They shared a laugh and got back into their seats. Gilda looked back to where she had been: a 5 seat wide gap in VIP section far from anypony interesting.
"Hey, you guys mind if I sit with you? It was lame over where mine was."
Blitz glanced at the two pegasi he had come to fear. They happened to have been looking at him at that moment, their noses poking above their chairs cutely. It must have been all the noise they were making. Then he noticed that they had separated a little bit, leaving three seats between them. His eyes promptly popped open at the opportunity.
"Sure thing, G," he said with well disguised eagerness. "We're right over here."
The stallion flew forward, practically dragging Dash into the chair between him and Lightning. Gilda raised a feathery eyebrow at his behavior, but shrugged it off as being just something weird stallions did. She plopped down next to him.
She then turned to see her idol sitting rather displeased in the chair next to her.
The griffon's mind started screaming. It was incoherent screaming, mind you, but it was probably something to the effect of, "Holy crap! You're Spitfire! Guys! It's Spitfire!" However, her pride would not allow such an outburst. She made due with silently getting Dash's attention across her lookalike and nodding her head toward the Wonderbolt.
Dash let a giddy smile slip through her cool facade for just a moment, using her female telepathy powers to communicate, "I know, right!" to her old friend.
Great, thought Spitfire. Now I don't even get to sit next to Blitz or Dash. I have to be with... a griffon? Cool, I guess.
It was then that her partner swooped down from the air into the seat next to her, holding an absurdly large assortment of snacks. Fries, popcorn, soda, and... a pie of all things. Honestly. And he wonders why he has a reputation.
"Did I miss anything?" he asked, spewing slobbery crumbs onto the floor below him.
"Nah. They have heart and all, but it'll be a few years before they have the skills they need." She looked him up and down and shook her head. "You get enough food?"
"Yeah," he replied, missing the point. "I thought I'd eat light tonight." He glanced at his neighbors and noticed that the Rainbow-maned pegasi that had been on their minds were no longer among them. "I see you're making progress. He's practically eating out of your hoof. How do you do it?"
"Shut up. I have plenty of time."
Blitz, meanwhile, was enjoying a hassle free flight show experience. No longer were two mares latching onto his forelegs. Nope. Now only one mare leaned on his shoulder because stadiums couldn't be bothered to supply cushions. Also because his shoulder was oddly comfortable. This mare he could deal with. She wasn't so aggressive.
Okay. She was magnitudes more aggressive at times. But the good aggressive. Like, bite marks you brag to your friends about aggressive.
It wasn't until the end of the performance of the second team, dubbed the Wind Walkers, that the unicorns showed up to the party.
"Honestly," Rarity sighed, producing a fan for the mild sweat produced on her walk around the Cloudiseum. "You'd think they's put up a sign."
"They did," Twilight said flatly. "We passed it. Twice."
"Well why didn't you say something, then?"
"I did." Her eyebrows were now perfectly flat against her eyes. "Twice."
"Oh. Hmm. I suppose I need to pay more attention."
"Uh huh."
In the relative silence that followed, relative because that DJ pumped out music constantly, Applejack leaned into Rarity.
"She don't seem too happy there," she whispered. "Everythin' go alright?"
The unicorn waved her hoof dismissively. "Don't worry, Applejack. She's coming around."
"You sure tonight's the right night ta be tryin' this? Not like any of us are in a rush."
"Why, it's the only night. I don't see when else it could happen. Besides, I am growing impatient. Rainbow Dash is having so much fun and I want to as well."
Applejack frowned at her. "Wasn't it you what was tellin us to ease her into the whole thing?"
"Hush. I know what I'm doing."
...
The performances steadily improved as the night went on, which was pretty convenient for Vinyl. Her show's contestants lined up in skill order without even realizing it. The climax would inevitably happen at the end. Or thereabouts.
"Give it up for Tropical Storm, everypony!" the DJ yelled into her mic. "That was wicked! I liked that wave at the end with the rain! Looked sweet! What do you think, Tavi?"
"Very impressive flying, you two. Although, I can't help but wish you had gone with something more relaxing in terms of background music. Some steal drums or Jimmy Billet singing about margaritas." She released a longing sigh. "We should go to the beach, Vinyl."
The unicorn's head was beneath the table, rummaging through a cooler. "Hm? Sorry, I didn't catch that. All I know is that I heard 'margaritas'!" She resurfaced holding a greenish yellow pitcher and some wedges of lime.
"No thank you. I think I've had quite enough."
"How many hooves am I holding up?" Vinyl said, holding up one hoof.
"One?"
"That's right, so you haven't had enough."
"For the love of-"
Octavia's mic was stolen before she could express her disapproval. Before she knew it, she was left holding a glass that was magically being filled by the floating pitcher. Instead of complaining, she rolled her eyes and tilted the pitcher further.
"We've only got a few more shows for you tonight, so take a breather and we'll be right back! Hey, quit hogging it!"
The audio cut out at the sounds of a struggle before it was immediately replaced by some house.
...
Having noticed that no progress would be made in wooing her desired stallion through silence and sitting several feet away, Spitfire resolved to make some conversation in what was turning out to be a lengthy intermission. The griffon was easy enough to talk to, seeing as she seemed to be a fan. Not to be left out of a chat with a celebrity, Blitz joined in. Then Dash. Then Soarin. Heck, even a few ponies from behind them spoke up. That pink one was hilarious.
It's not like I need him head over hooves for me tonight. Take it slow and become friends first. That's the right way to do things.
What was supposed to be just another step in her plot scheme became rather pleasant gathering. They talked and joked. Soarin even started up a popcorn throwing game. He understandably focused a tad too much on Dash, but nopony seemed to notice.
It was odd being treated like just another pony, wide-eyed gazes aside. It made Spitfire wonder what it would be like if she had never been a Wonderbolt.
Who am I kidding? she thought. I would still be this amazing.
They discussed the previous performances, sharing how good (or bad) they thought they were. The prissy one enjoyed the "sophisticated" show put on by the clumsily named Ponies in the Sky with Diamonds. A little long for the sake of a mediocre pun, if you asked Spitz.
The pink one liked the Novas, which was understandable. Her personality went hoof in hoof with excessive explosions.
The earth pony in the hat might have said that the Twister Twins were her favorites. The fiery pegasus couldn't be sure under that drawl.
That other pegasus didn't talk much. What she did say was unintelligible because it was muffled behind two jittery hooves and a massive mane.
The purple one said she didn't have a favorite, but she didn't appear to be paying much attention anyway.
Those in the VIP section knew to reserve judgement. Although it was egotistical for some of them to think, the best was yet to come.
Speaking of those in the VIP section, they appeared to be missing one aqua-green-coated pony.
"That's not good," Spitfire muttered.
"What's not good?" her partner asked quietly.
"That Lightning Dust pony isn't here anymore."
"So? Don't you, like, hate her or something?"
"I don't hate her! She's just..." she fumbled for the word. "In the way. Yeah."
"Maybe she went to check if her partner is still alive."
The mare furrowed her brow, unconvinced. "I don't know about that. She's planning something. I can feel it."
"Uh huh."
She stole a glance at the object of her interest, biting her lip in the sight of that fierce smile of his.
"Now you know why I was drooling over Dash all those times," he said, laughing at her expense.
Spitfire ignored him, not quite ready to admit to drooling. Eyeing, maybe. Perhaps even salivating. But not drooling.
"I should make a move," she thought out loud, moving to get up. However, two blue hooves pressed down on her shoulders to hold her down.
"In front of everypony? While they're talking? That's awkward."
"Like shoving your face into a pie awkward?" she offered, managing a smirk.
The stallion cringed at the thought of his behavior. "I never said I was good at it. Meanwhile, they're getting up anyway. See? Just wait."
The Wonderbolt captain almost felt grateful for the advice on being romantically inept. Then she frowned at the stallion.
"Why exactly are you trying to help me?" she asked.
Soarin grinned sheepishly. "They've been hanging around each other this whole time. If you manage to get him out of the way, I'll get her alone." He then cringed again and went over that thought. "We are taking this too far."
"I know. But do you feel like stopping?"
He half snorted and half giggled. "Not a chance."
...
The night was not young by any means. In fact, one might say the night was downright old. One might consider placing the night in a nursing home. Not those homes you see on television with the abuse and whatnot. No no no. One of the good homes.
Some of the audience felt a longing for their homes as well. Foals who had been permitted to stay up past bedtime started a yawn epidemic around the stadium. They might just be getting their sleep after all. Their parents were not so lucky. They had a flight home with a child on their backs to look forward to with no hope of rest beforehand. They couldn't just sleep and leave their children unsupervised! In fact, according to some pegasi, this was pretty close to the bad side of Cloudsdale.
A select few pairs of pegasi had no such problems. They were pumped, hyped, excited, thrilled, eager, and a bunch of other adjectives too.
With sleep a non issue, team Double Rainbow had time to consider other needs.
No, not those needs. Maybe later.
Blitz burst from his seat a began to stretch, rolling his unused joints around with some impressive cracks. Spitfire totally wasn't watching with wide eyes.
They would be much better described as "hungry".
After a bout of unknowingly strutting his stuff, Blitz began to drift toward the stadium halls.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick before we're up."
Dash looked back at him and nodded. "Good idea," she said as she got up to follow. "My hooves are all greasy from the popcorn."
"Yeah," he laughed. "That could be an issue."
The sign in the corridor displayed the silhouette of a mare's head pointing to the right with a stallion's head pointing to the left, both accompanied by arrows pointing in those directions. Because having both bathrooms in the same area would be too simple.
It would have looked like a mirror between them when they shrugged and headed to their respective destinations. If somepony was watching, that is. But nopony was there. Nope. Certainly not.
This made it rather silly of Blitz to turn around at the sight of a shadow on the floor in front of him. Nopony lurked behind because, as we have established, nopony was there. Clouds did darken on occasion, but not construction quality ones. He dismissed it as just shoddy work. It's not that he condoned laziness; he could just understand it.
The bathroom was a long trot from his friends. The architects behind the cloudiseum seemed to believe that they needed four more gift shops than public bathrooms in a single wing. He breathed a sigh of relief when a sign and a door presented itself.
Finally. What if I really had to go or something?
It looked slightly cleaner than the locker rooms and it lacked the same smell of sweat. Instead, it wreaked of powerful cleaning supplies covered with weak air freshener. It was as empty as the halls outside. Because, come on. Who's going to miss the best parts of the event to go to the bathroom?
Not that one had to see it. The music pumped into the intercom and an experienced flyer like Blitz could predict what they were doing. A loop would look good here. Slow down there, then speed up, and so on.
He stepped out a minute or so after a flushing sound. Of course he washed his hooves. He was sloppy, not gross. But as he began his return trek, he saw the shadow again.
Seriously guys? he inwardly remarked to the builders who were not there with him. This is dangerous. A pony just needs to step on this the wrong way and they get shocked. He prodded the grey spot to discharge the rowdy cloud. It wasn't like he couldn't handle a little Lightning.
Further examination revealed that the floor was not, in fact, becoming a storm cloud. The shadow was cast on his hoof as well, so something must have been above him.
He turned and almost caught a glimpse of it before he was slammed into the floor again. Which sucked, as one could imagine.
The last time this happened, Rainbow Dash had crawled onto him. Her fur and weight were familiar enough to soothe his instincts to fight, fly, or both. Much more enjoyable instincts came to mind. This new sensation was not the same, however.
Something was on top of him, but it did not remind him at all of his romps with his lookalike. The texture wasn't the same type of softness. The weight was distributed differently. Most of all, it just didn't feel the same. A part of his mind that had been silent for a long time told him that this was not good.
Logic would dictate that he try seeing what the hell happened as opposed to fumbling for sensory clues like a blind pony. Unfortunately, his eyes wouldn't focus thanks to his head's repeated collision with the floor.There was no need, though, seeing as the thing on top of him inched into his blurry field of view.
Gold, aqua green, and the unmistakable white of a grin met him. If that wasn't enough to jog his memory, the voice helped him out.
"You are a hard stallion to talk to, Rainbow Blitz," Lightning Dust purred, moving her head closer to his. You normally associate purrs with cats. Little, fluffy cats. But you can't forget that some cats are huge and scary and fast and strong and carnivorous and overall unpleasant to be around. When a damned tiger is purring at you, you get the heck out of dodge.
"What the hell are you doing?" Blitz exclaimed angrily, letting anger overtake fear for the sake of his dignity.
She smiled incredulously as if it should have been obvious. "You've been avoiding me all night! Kind of weird if you ask me. You don't strike me as the shy type."
"Shy? W-whatever. Just get off!" the stallion yelled as he struggled, managing to momentarily lift her into the air. However, she shifted all of her weight onto her front hooves, pinning his forelegs to the floor.
"There's the attitude I like," she said, grunting at the effort. "I want to see more of that. But I understand if you're nervous. I mean, I am pretty imposing."
"I'll say! You are, like, really close right now..." His rage faded to helplessness. His heart sped up, and not in the good way. Something was about to happen that he did not want.
She, however, was having none of it. Her hoof climbed up to his mouth, brushing through his fur a little more than it had to on the way. She put no force behind it as it came to rest on his lips, but Blitz got the feeling that she could if she wanted.
"You stallions just don't understand how much I like to see a little power. Always walking on eggshells, as if I'll break or something! I've always gotta be the one to make a move." She gazed into his eyes with hers half closed. "But that's alright. I like it this way too."
Something to the effect of "Oh, that's why she was acting like that" might have gone through the stallion's head. It was kind of hard to tell, what with all the other crap going on in there.
Crap crap crap crap crap-
Get a hold of yourself, dude! his inner voice scolded. All you've got to do is get her off!
Was that some kind of sick joke?! I'm not doing that to her!
No, jackass. Get her off of you. I know you don't want this.
The stallion sighed and gathered his composure. The face he mustered up wasn't calm by any means, but it was enough to disappoint Lightning's desire for a fight.
"Lightning Dust," he rasped coldly. "Get. Off."
The mare frowned and examined his face. "Nah. I don't like this one. The other one was more fun."
"Dammit," he muttered. Then he put his effort back behind an icy gaze. "I don't know what you're trying to do, but I'm not into you like that. Now why don't you screw off and we can forget about this."
She pursed her lips thoughtfully, bringing her chin to rest on her hoof. This just so happened to put her nearly muzzle to muzzle with her captive.
Blitz continued with what he thought was progress. "Also, I'm kind of seeing somepony right n-"
He stopped when her hoof entered his mouth. She didn't seem to understand the concept of a personal bubble. Or hygiene.
"Blitz, I don't think you understand. I've decided I want you. And Lightning Dust wants something, she takes it!"
With that, she plunged herself down onto the stallion's face.
Now, this wasn't Rainbow Blitz's first kiss. That particular milestone took place entire days ago. Given his experience, he gathered that the act of kissing was supposed to be enjoyable. Hell, even the ones that later left him flustered and embarrassed were pleasurable at the time. The warmth and closeness were supposed to be pretty good.
This one felt like dry ice.
Blitz shivered, eyes clenching shut in shock. If only his mouth had managed to close instead of hanging agape, maybe he wouldn't be sharing this deep kiss with this crazy mare.
It wasn't actually cold, of course. The touch of another pony is nearly universally warm (Unless one is sharing a bed with a particularly cold-hoofed companion. Those are the worst). But something about the feeling of her made every fiber of his body recoil in disgust.
I don't like this from you! I don't want this! Stop! His brain screamed out words of protest, but no matter how hard he thought them, they didn't reach his attacker. If they did, she wasn't listening.
A subjective eternity of squirming and unsolicited tongue later, Blitz's panicked senses picked up that Lightning's hooves were no longer digging into his forelegs.
This was his chance! He put all of his strength into a jerk to his side, hoping to send her rolling while placing himself in a kneeling position. However, he failed to consider the great proverb of old. The one that could have prevented the fall of empires, the assassination of royalty, and the failure of dinner parties alike.
We plan. Celestia laughs.
Celestia couldn't be blamed here, though. Lightning just took it upon herself to coil her legs around the stallion like a foal to its security blanket.
So they tumbled sideways, Blitz landing roughly on top of the mare. She suddenly broke the kiss, gasping at his sudden weight. But she wasted no time in shooting him a fierce grin.
"That's more like it!" she said before leaning in again.
Blitz got his legs between them and pushed her head out of reach from his. He was making progress this time, too. A few more seconds and he would have been free.
"What the hell!" said a not so distant voice.
...
Spitfire didn't feel like waiting. It was a good plan, sure. But since when did anypony do something just because of a good plan?
After waiting the minimum socially acceptable amount of time, she darted from her seat to the halls. Somepony behind her yelled about a hat.
She followed the first rainbow she saw. Sneakily, of course. No need to be caught stalking.
The Wonderbolt was about to formulate some sort of plan of action once she confronted her interest when she saw him trot into the little filly's room.
"The hell?" she muttered, hovering closer to the door. She pressed her ear to the hardened cloud for some insight.
The sound of running water met her, which was not helpful. Leaning in harder didn't help either. But that was because it was a push door.
The fiery celebrity stumbled inside, only catching her balance thanks to years of discipline. You could never let yourself remain in an ungraceful position with paparazzi around.
The pony she saw was blue, had colorful hair, and definitely looked like a flyer. The face still gave her a twinge of disappointment.
"Oh hey, Spitz," Rainbow Dash said, reaching for a paper towel to dry her hooves.
"Hey Dash," she replied not too flatly as she approached the neighboring sink. Couldn't just walk in and walk out.
"You ready for your turn on the stage?"
Spitfire smiled. "You know it. We're gonna blow you all away."
"Oh yeah! You gonna go with one of your team's routines?"
She shrugged. "Nah. Thought we'd do something fresh for this thing. Soarin and I whipped it up a few months back. It's gonna rock, don't you worry."
Dash raised her hooves defensively. "Hey, I'm not doubting that. You guys got me into flying in the first place."
Spitz had to turn away to the paper towels to hide her beaming countenance. She'd heard it before, even from this very pony, but it still got to her every time.
I'm the inspiration to one of the best flyers I know! Hell yes!
"That's good to know," she said back coolly.
They began the long trip to the seats. According to the still quickening pace of the music, the current show had yet to reach any sort of climax.
"Long one, eh?" Spitfire commented as they neared their stairway.
"It's not that long, is it? Not even for minutes yet. Who's up anyway?"
"Nopony special. I checked."
The two mares paused at the archway, unaware that they were both searching for the same colorful head.
Dash snorted and continued her course. "And they say mares take too long."
The Wonderbolt tried to look surprised. "Oh, did he go too?"
The blue pegasus looked back to find her new friend still following her. "Yeah. But, uh, shouldn't you be getting ready to go on?"
She rolled her eyes and smiled. "You think they'd start without me?"
"Good point," Dash chuckled.
As they trotted farther down the wing, the sound of grunting and shouting started to echo into their ears. They shared an inquisitive glance and continued silently to investigate.
They stopped with their backs to the wall when a tail came into view. As they inched closer, they recognized two ponies who appeared to be wrestling.
"Uh, what the hell is she doing?" Dash asked with some annoyance and no anger.
Spitfire gulped and tried not to let the jealousy show on her face. "I think she's trying to strangle him," she suggested.
"Uh huh." The rainbow pegasus scratched her head and frowned. "I-is she okay? Like, does she have issues or something?"
The yellow mare shrugged. "You spent more time with her than me. You see her taking any suspicious looking pills?"
"Nah. No drugs. But she did talk to herself in her sleep. Something about not wanting to do what the voices told her."
The two shared a snicker and turned back to the show. Lightning was definitely winning, and her victim didn't seem at all happy about it.
"So I guess the voices told her to attack your brother?" The celebrity asked, hoping to continue the joking. It might assuage her growing envy for the mare who was so close to that stallion.
"What? You mean Blitz? He's not my brother."
Spitz frowned. "Really? What are you then?"
"Friends. Well, that's not the right word. I don't really know what to call us, but we're sort of going out."
It was at that moment that Lightning Dust chose to shove her tongue into Dash's friend's mouth.
Grunts and muffled screams were all that filled the air. That, and the current song, which appeared to be reaching the end. Those not involved in the make out session were frozen in their places, Spitfire experiencing overwhelming jealous spite and Dash going through some good 'ol shock.
Time never knew when something serious had happened. It just kept right on going without any regard to the feelings of others. The nerve. Anyway, after some time had so rudely passed, the awed spectators got a look at Blitz's comeback.
He spun them around so he was on top and immediately set about pushing her off. But Lighting hung onto his neck as if her life depended on it. She wasn't discouraged, however. In fact, she seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself.
"That's more like it!" she said right before going in for round two.
But Dash had seen enough. She stormed forward, eyes ablaze and teeth bared.
"What the hell!" she yelled as she approached.
The sound shook the green pony's concentration, allowing Blitz to launch himself backward, leaving a sizable dent in the fluffy wall.
The stallion looked up at his savior with gratitude momentarily. Then his pupils shrank to a singularity as he recognized her.
He wasted no time glancing back and forth between the two mares. No awkward "This isn't what it looks like!" speech. Sitcoms have taught ponies that those scenarios rarely ended well. So he did what every instinct in his head was suggesting.
He bolted.
...
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Can someone slap Rarity? Please? Pretty please?
That mare seems to live by the principle of "want it, need it".
3203040
And lightning dust
fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/q71/s720x720/1234955_427696203998844_332372881_n.jpg
Grats on the feature. Totally earned it.
EDIT: Lightning Dust seems strikingly similar to my EX actually...
I'd totally love to see progress on this story, but I don't know calculus.
Anyway, ncie to see an update.
Oh no!
I'm sure Dash will realize it wasn't Blitz's idea and we can avoid any hackneyed sitcom tropes, right?
Wow, Dust might just go to jail! That's an attempted rape if I ever did see one. Now watch as Dash jumps to the entirely wrong conclusion. Yay, common plot devices!
3203349 I didn't even see it until you told me. Holy crap.
3203509 f(x)= Word count and f '(x)=Estimated rate at which word count increases.
3203527 Are you sure, Seether? Are you absolutely sure?
3203040
At least it's not by Lightning's principle of "Want it, take it by force". So uncouth. The proper form is "Want it, honor the gods, take it by force, honor the gods again for your victory".
The fic is good, by the way. The puns were a bit on the heavy side in the beginning, I admit, but it's not all too big of a deal now. And Blitz is really working out as a character. Well done indeed.
3204424 Can you be more specific? I would love to clarify or rewrite a vague statement, but I'm not certain what you are referring to.
Blitz should have bit her nose or tongue or lips. Honestly, those type of mares don't learn any other way.
1595497 Your paranoia levels are far too low! You must open yourself to the Universe and let the Paranoia flow through you
Come over to the 
young Padawan learnerMr. Author.DarkParanoia Side, we have Cookies!! But you get thrown out if you eat them.3204449 well the second half of the second comment you replied to.
by the way great chapter
3207959 I felt I did not need to address that, seeing as nopony is going to die.
3209094 ok
I don't know any words for my emotions.
y u do dis
3219653 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdiaezGJLW1qmm1ojo1_400.jpg
3220107 nooooo
3238366 Twilight's actions are more or less justified; Rarity is being a greedy bitch, though.
3240125
Rarity just outright pisses me off in this story. She is definitely a bitch and completely unconcerned with what may happen to others. She just makes me sooo mad!
I really hope that the next chapter won't take another 3 months to come out like the last few. And considering I don't know calculus as of yet, it's a bit difficult for me to figure out his progress. If Mozzarella keeps up these 3 month updatelessness streaks though, I will have gone through calculus and maybe even algebra 3 by the time this is finished.
God, I always do this. I always start rambling.
3279825 I agree. That guy really needs to take his head out of his ass and start writing.
3448499 I would love nothing more than to tell you that there is going to be some point in the story that justifies the name. Really, I would. But it just turns out I'm not clever.
I guess I could lampshade it at some point. However, the story comes first. I've been writing this thing for far too long and I'm not even half way done with my plans. My next story will have a real name, I promise.
the next??? I love this sooooo much so i can resist to ask
3449128
If you ever finish this one...
I am a very impatient guy, but I don't want to rush perfection! GRRR!
OMG I can't wait for u 2 write more.plz write more because I totally love this story
3203512
Rainbow is probably smart enough to realize that given that she knows his attacker, but Rarity won't, nor will any other Pony. Rarity will make it her task of the day to convince every other Pony in their group that he was doing it on purpose (I've met women and men like that) and will eventually draw Rainbow over. Twilight won't wait for evidence and will set to 'fixing' him. Pinkie won't understand unless its spelled out to her, and Flutters will offer no comment.
Lightning Dust you god damn bucking whore! What the buck is wrong with you?! First you almost KILL Dash's friends, then you try taking her colt?! WTB!
4662174 Granted, she didn't KNOW he was Dash's colt, but still...
lightning dust.... _____________ YOU ____________ I HATE YOU ____________
No. Just.No!
I felt bad for you back at the academy...
But this...THIS....
IS.....
WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate you now Lightning Dust ;n;
WHO WANTS TO JOIN THE ANTI-LIGHTNING DUST LYNCH MOB!?!?!?!?!?
Why are they just staring and joking?
if I saw my a friend (or lover) being attacked like that I'd tackle the offender immediately. 
15 through... yup. This is us." She started her way downward only to find that her clone was not in tow. "You coming?" she called back.
The stallion stood in front of a vendor, scratching his chin in contemplation. "You think I should get a foam hoof?"
"Why the hell do you need a foam hoof?"
"I dunno. If they bother me, I could just stick it between us or smack them around with it or something."
I love that part