Since When am I Faust?
Chapter 3: Midnight Revelations
It had been a few days since my arrival in Equestria, and so far, I had been enjoying my time here a lot more than I thought I would.
I was currently settling myself in for the night, and I had decided to take up residence in Faust’s old room. Some work needed to be done to finish it up, but thankfully for me, the maids were more than willing to help me clean the place. We started sometime after lunch, and we continued cleaning until just before sunset. Finishing up, they gathered their supplies, and I thanked the maids as they turned in for the night.
Closing the door behind them, I turned around and looked at their work. I smiled, impressed with how the bedroom looked brand new. Glancing around, I noticed the light in the room begin to shift, and I looked out the window to see the sun starting to lower over the horizon.
It was still a bit odd getting used to the way day and night worked over here, but I also found it fascinating. Treating it like it was some sort of a show, I quickly made my way over to the window and watched. The sun drifted down and disappeared from view, and the moon appeared moments later. It began to rise into the sky, and it's soft glow was accompanied by the sight of a vibrant starry night.
Watching the sisters tend to their duties filled my heart with a sense of pride. It was a pride that undoubtedly came from Lauren, but it made me feel happy all the same. Letting a soft smile make its way onto my face, I nodded in approval at their work.
When they finished, I turned in for the night. Crawling underneath my covers, I laid my head on my pillow. Not long after I settled in, I began to feel my exhaustion from the day catch up with me, and I closed my eyes as I felt my consciousness begin to fade. I quickly fell asleep. However, much like every other night since my arrival, I didn't dream.
Sometime later, when it was approaching the middle of the night, I found myself to be slowly rousing from sleep. Something was shifting around in my bedsheets, and I started to regain consciousness as I heard the sound of someone breathing. A bit confused and slightly alarmed, I turned my head over and saw Celestia. She was cuddling up against my side, and she had wrapped herself up in a good portion of my blankets. Startled, I jumped back in surprise, and I accidentally knocked Luna off the other half of the bed. The two of us tumbled to the ground, and we hit the floor with a thud.
What the hell!? Why are they in our bed!?
(I don't know... But I'm not complaining.)
I grunted as I sat up from where I laid on the floor, and as I looked around, my sights settled on Luna. She stood a short distance away from me with her horn aglow, and her body readied in a battle stance. When she fell, she had shot herself out of the dream realm and got into a defensive stance out of reflex.
So, she stood there, with her horn ready to attack, but there weren't any immediate threats. Confused, she looked around, and her eyes settled on me. I was just sitting on the floor a short distance away, and I looked back at her with a stupid look on my face as a blanket laid draped over part of my head. I gave an awkward smile, and Luna relaxed as she realized it was just me.
Calming down, the Princess smiled at me softly and stepped over to my side. She breathed a sigh of relief and leaned her head onto my shoulder. I felt my heart flutter as she did this, but I wasn’t sure whether it was my reaction or Lauren's that caused it. Smiling, I returned the gesture and leaned my head against her.
"You two startled me." I whispered, and the Princess fidgeted in place as she bit her lip.
She looked up at me and said, "We thought it would be good to catch up on old times... do you... do you want us to go back to our quarters...?"
Oh, my heart is going to explode! Must... suppress... the HNNGG!
(What?)
Heart attack from cuteness, you know.
(...What?)
Oh, never mind... Inside joke.
Turning away from my thoughts, I smiled as I looked at my daughter and stroked her mane, reassuring her. "No, it's fine, Luna. I was just a bit surprised... There's no need for you to change and go back to your portion of the castle..."
As I said those words, I felt Lauren's happiness brighten, and I grinned as I thought of something the alicorn might appreciate. Looking at the princess at my side, I continued, "Actually Luna... any time you or Tia want to come by, you're more than welcom..."
(THANK YOU!)
Not now.
(But I'm so happy...) :D
It was difficult to hold back a chuckle as the mare in my mind became overcome with joy. The prospect of spending more time with the girls seemed to be too much for her, and I felt her feelings of happiness wash over me.
Although I didn't finish my sentence, Luna smiled, understanding what I was going to say. She leaned against my side just a little bit more, cuddling up beneath my chin as she whispered, "Thank you, mom, I love you..."
Suddenly, the image of a little filly flashed before my eyes. It was Luna, and she was walking up to me with a blue flower held in her mouth. A voice spoke out, asking, "Oh my, Is this for me?" And the little filly giggled, "Yesh momma, I got it because I wuv you..."
As quickly as the image appeared, it vanished, and I found myself back in reality. My heart felt as if it would burst, and I struggled to deal with centuries worth of emotions swirling within me. Glancing to the side, I asked my passenger. You doing okay over there?
...
Lauren?
...Hey, Lauren?
(HNNGGG!!!)
I almost burst out laughing as the mare joined in on the joke. Thankfully I held it in, preserving the moment. Luna and I ended up just sitting there for a while, both of us enjoying each other's company, and I could feel Lauren didn't want this moment to end.
Eventually, though, Luna leaned back and glanced at the time. The clock showed that it was the ninth hour of the night. Following her gaze, I ended up looking over at the big wooden grandfather clock. It sat against the wall and filled the air with a soft, ticking sound. Letting my curiosity get the better of me, I turned to Luna and asked. "So, around what time do you two change shifts anyway?"
The princess looked back at me, and then she glanced at the moon in the sky. She paused as if she was trying to think of what to say. Her lips shifted around slightly as she thought of an answer, and after a couple of seconds, she looked at me, asking, "Would thou... Ugh!... Would you, like it to be day?"
I held in a chuckle at Luna's visible frustration. She had been trying to break her habit of using thou's and other terms that were no longer used, but she had been struggling a bit. According to Celestia, she had been giving it some effort before, but since my arrival, she had decided to step up her efforts. It was a comical process all the same.
Looking her in the eyes, I smiled and brushed her mane to the side, reassuring her, "No, Luna, that's not necessary; the night is quite comfortable. I just wanted to know when the switch was. Every time I wake up, it's already morning."
Her face seemed to lift as I said this, and a spark of joy seemed to return to her eyes. "Oh, in that case, Tia and I each get twelve hours. When we switch, the clock resets."
I tilted my head to the side. It was different than earth's setup, but for here, it certainly made a lot more sense. Glancing at the clock again, I realized that it was still about three hours away from sunrise. I weighed my options, wondering whether or not it would be worth it to try going back to sleep.
Deciding to stay up with Luna, I got her attention with a nudge from my wing. She looked at me with a questioning glance, and I smiled. "Well Lulu, we have some time to ourselves, what do you think about heading downstairs? I kind of feel up to getting a late-night snack."
She tilted her head in thought, and then the princess looked up at her sister. Celestia had just begun to snore, and the annoying sound was already beginning to sound louder with each breath. It was safe to say that neither of us would be getting back to sleep any time soon. So, with a quick turn of her head, Luna looked back at me and gave a nod. We stood up and silently made our way over to the door. I opened the door with my magic and snuck out. As I stood in the hallway, I watched Luna follow me into the hall, but as she got to my side, she took another glance at the mare in the room.
A grin crept onto her face, and the princess lit her horn. The blankets glowed in her aura, and they quickly wrapped themselves around Tia. Moments later, she laid trapped in a roll of blankets, much like Luna had been when I first met her. Both of us snickered at the sight, and we looked on in surprise at how Sunbutt continued to sleep despite all the moving around.
With a final shake of her head, Luna closed the door, and we turned to the hall. Traveling through the hallway, I listened to the sound of our hooves as we walked in silence. There didn't seem to be many ponies around. Actually, if you didn't count the guards, the castle was empty, it felt barren and almost abandoned. It was kind of sad. Thinking to myself, I decided that I'd have to spend more time with Luna during the night.
We walked along for about two minutes, but then I stopped as I found myself face to face with my new worst enemy; the stairs. With a shaky breath, I took a step down, then another, then another. On my fourth step down, I slipped, and I lost my footing. "Son of a... ahhhhhh!"
Once again, I had been bested by my enemy, and I fell. I tumbled down the stairs in a dramatic display, and my limbs flailed around as I rolled down the steps. Getting to the bottom, I landed in a heap with my legs sprawled out and I slid forward a few inches. Coming to a stop, I groaned, and I lifted my head as I said, "Ow... this is already getting old..."
“Mom, are you alright?” Luna called as she came running down the stairs behind me. I put my hoof up to let her know I was alright, and she relaxed as she approached my side. Seeing me sprawled out on the ground with my flank in the air, she started to snicker, and she threw her hoof up as she tried not to laugh. A few chuckles still got through, though...
I groaned as I stood up, and I dusted myself off. Shaking my head to the side, I tossed my disheveled mane back into place, and I blew a lock of hair out of my eyes. A bit grumpy, I slumped forward and started walking.
Luna quickly followed after me, but her giggles persisted. We walked down the hall towards a four-way junction, and when we got there, we turned left. We continued down that path for a minute or so, and I puffed out my cheeks with a frown as Luna would occasionally start giggling again. I didn't enjoy being laughed at.
While we walked down the hall, I spotted a guard standing near one of the pillars. Assuming it was another mannequin, I flared my horn and tossed its helmet onto Luna's head. The blue mare stopped in her tracks, and she looked forward, stunned by the random object. Looking on, I watched as the built-in enchantment activated, and I smirked as a shimmering effect covered over her features.
While I looked on in amusement, the sound of a clearing throat caught my attention, and I flinched as I noticed the fidgeting guard standing behind me. She looked up at me with a confused stare, and I blushed as I realized that she was a real pony. Quickly averting my gaze, I looked back over to Luna, and I watched the blue mare looked at the helmet with a dumbfounded expression. She crossed her eyes as she tried to see the piece resting on her snout, and once she realized what it was, the princess rolled her eyes.
Lighting up her horn, she lifted the helmet off her head and returned it to its owner with an apologetic smile. The guard grasped the helmet in her hooves, and she stared at it with wide eyes. She nodded, acknowledging the princess, and she held the helmet in her forelegs. She was suddenly treating it with an unusual amount of care, and she held it out like it was a gift from the gods.
Luna either didn’t notice or ignored the mare’s actions, and she turned to me as she shook her head. "Honestly, Mother, you're such a foal."
"No, I'm just spirited." I defended.
The princess raised her eyebrow and gave me a smirk. "Spirited, you say? I would go with mischievous. After all, a pony only needs to look as far as the throne room's new paint job to see thy character."
There was a stifled snort from the guard beside us, and the two of us glanced in her direction. We saw her standing with her cheeks puffed out and her eyes strained as she tried her best not to laugh, and I frowned at the sound of squeaks that escaped her muzzle.
With a snort, I threw my foreleg up, and I started walking down the hall. "One time! I make a mistake one time! And everypony's been harping on it! I'd like to see you keep your focus when a stuck up noble knocks himself out in front of you..."
The princess let out a chuckle as she continued to torment me with my past mistake. "Sorry mother, but it is quite humorous. The way Cadance and Tia looked with a black coat, all I could see was their eyes. Haha."
I lowered my head as I grumbled. "Yeah, and I'm still pulling dirt and dust out of my coat..." Then I chuckled. "Well, it could be worse... Cadance had her mouth open..."
"HA!" Luna laughed, and then her eyes went wide as she quickly covered over her mouth. She tried to stifle her giggles, but she wasn't very successful. At the very least, she managed to quiet down some.
Nudging her side, I said, "Come on Luna, let's go get something to eat," and the two of us continued trotting forward towards the kitchen.
A minute or two later, we rounded a corner and entered the main hallway. It was the same one that stretched through the center of the castle. It was empty, and I walked beside Luna as we headed down. I couldn’t get over how different it looked at this time, it felt cold and empty. I was certainly going to need to spend more time with Luna during the nighttime.
Walking along, the feeling of hunger began to well up within me, and I slowly started to speed up my pace. I didn’t even notice it, but Luna did, and she glanced at me curiously as she walked a little faster to match my pace. I looked to the side and realized that she was speeding up to match my speed, and a shallow smile formed on my muzzle.
With a grin, I sped up again, and the princess raised an eyebrow at me. She frowned at my odd behavior and opened her mouth to ask what I was doing. However, before the words could leave her mouth, I extended a wing and nudged her side as I said, "Race ya." then I ran forward as fast as my legs would carry me.
It didn't take me long to get into a full gallop, and Luna watched my running form leave her side with confusion. A moment passed where she looked on with a stunned expression, and then she gave a grumpy pout as she gave chase. "Hey, that is not fair! Thouest started early!"
Despite my head start, I quickly found myself being overtaken by the mare. Her slightly taller height was just giving her an unfair advantage, and she passed me with ease. "Awww... Damn your long legs!" I called, and she gave a hearty laugh at my comment.
Looking back at me with a silly grin, she declared, "Huzzah! I am the victor! See you at the kitchen mother!"
"Wait Luna! Watch out!"
"Hmm?"
(Crash!)
While she was running, the princess trailed off to the side and collided with one of the many tables set up along the side of the hall. Her body hit it like a freight train, and she sent a bowl of lavender flying into the air. The sound of clattering silverware echoed through the empty hallway, and I winced at the noise of Luna hitting the ground. Glancing back and forth, I hoped we hadn't woken up anyone, and then I ran over to check on her.
Thankfully she was okay. The princess seemed to be more surprised than she was hurt, and I smiled in relief, glad that she was alright. I reached out and gave her a hoof. Luna blinked a couple of times as she gathered her thoughts together, and a moment later, she reached out and let me help her up.
Standing up to her full height, the princess looked at the mess in the hallway and sighed. The flowers and silverware laid all over the floor, and without a word, she began putting things back in their proper place.
I decided to leave her to it and trotted over to the kitchen doors. Lifting my foreleg, I pushed the door, and as it swung open, I saw a flicker of green light illuminate the room. The light was accompanied by a familiar sound of flames dancing through the air, and the atmosphere began to smell of ozone.
Now, I had only seen the first season of MLP in its entirety, but I had watched enough clips on my own to know what that green flame could most likely be. With that knowledge, I became reluctant to move. I was frightened of what awaited me if I opened the door.
From the back of my mind, I felt Lauren look on, she seemed a bit confused at my actions, but then after a momentary pause, she mentally nodded and seemed to accept my fears. With a gentle nudge, she helped me push the door the rest of the way open, and I took a deep breath.
Stepping into the kitchen, I spotted Lillybreeze on the other side of the room as she tried to make a hasty retreat. My fears momentarily dissipated, and with a serious tone in my voice, I stomped my hoof as I called out, commanding her to, "Halt."
The maid froze, and I could see her mane rase in fear. Her body began to shake, and she slowly turned her head to look in my direction. When Lillybreeze laid her eyes on me, I watched as a look of dread covered her features and a bead of sweat slid down the side of her face.
"Heh..."
I looked back at the nervous maid, and her ears folded back as my stern expression remained on my face. Then her eyes flinched open slightly as she spotted Luna stepping beside me.
The blue alicorn had finally finished cleaning up her mess, and she peered over my shoulder in curiosity. The princess looked inside the kitchen as she tried to see why I had stopped in the doorway, but when she did, confusion covered her face as she saw nothing other than my maid standing there. She shrugged and tried to trot past me, but I raised my wing to block her path.
"Luna, if you don't mind, could you wait out here for a moment? I need to talk with Lillybreeze about something." My voice was stern and cold, and it unintentionally drew even more fear from the maid.
The princess stared at me with a look of bewilderment in her eyes. Then, slowly, she obeyed and made her way back into the hallway.
Walking inside the kitchen, I closed the door behind me and turned my attention to Lillybreeze. Somehow she sank even more under my gaze. "I'm not mad at you. I just want to talk." I assured her, but my words did little to comfort her shivering form. The maid looked up at me with pleading eyes, then back to the kitchen door.
At seeing her concern aimed in that direction, my frustration spiked, and I kicked the door, earning a muffled cry of pain from Luna on the other side. Letting out a sigh, I shook my head. "Let's continue this elsewhere."
Taking in our surroundings, I looked for the closest place for us to talk privately. So we walked into the connected Dining Hall and closed the doors behind us. When it was just the two of us in there, I walked over and stood in front of Lilly. I reached down to her quivering form and raised her chin to look at me. She whimpered in fear, but I assured her, "Shh, It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you, but Lilly, could you please tell me your real name, and drop your disguise?"
As soon as I said those words, the maid in front of me shrunk back with terror and crouched down, covering her head. "It's Adorilin!" A flash of green flames washed over her, and they revealed a small changeling queen. She was barely the size of myself.
Her hair was a brilliant shade of dark turquoise, and her black carapace glistened in the moonlight. Small fangs peaked out at the front of her snout, and her terror-filled eyes reminded me of a cat. As I looked at her with curiosity and wonder, I began to feel sad for her. She was so scared. Her wide, terrified eyes looked up at me, almost as if she was waiting to be vaporized on the spot.
Doing my best not to frighten her any more than I already have, I gave a kind smile and nodded, "Adorilin, that's a nice name... What brings you to Canterlot?"
Her lip quivered, and her ears folded back. Tears began to form at the corner of her eyes, and she gave way to sobbing. Concern washed over me, and I tried to move closer, hoping to comfort the Ling, but she backed up at my approach.
I paused at this and breathed out as I lightened my expression. With a gentle smile, I tried to share the love I had in my heart. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right. It felt more like I was just staring at her, hoping she could sense my concern. The changeling was still scared, but when I tried reaching out again, she slowed her retreat just enough for me to put a forearm around her. At first, she froze up and closed her eyes as tears ran down her cheeks.
A moment later, though, she looked up at me with surprise, the shock overpowering her fear for a moment as she looked up at the pony gently stroking her mane, "Shh... It's alright..."
I felt some of the tension in her shoulders lighten, but it was only slightly. She was breathing heavily, and her mouth was quivering. To my surprise, she started to speak, but she still struggled to answer as she choked on her words through her sobbing. Her words came out almost as a whisper, and her voice was trembling, "I-I came t-to warn about m-my mother... She wants t-to attack Canterlot... and I... I said we shouldn't..."
Her expression became downcast, and tears slid down her cheeks. She looked up at me. "For speaking out against the Queen, my mother… I... I was thrown out of the hive!" She began to cry, and my heart started to hurt as I saw the desperate expression in her eyes.
She was so young, but it was plain to see she was already well accustomed to feeling hopelessness. It was painful, and I could feel Lauren began to hold some anger towards the changeling's mother. How dare she so easily cast her daughter aside.
I sighed and extended my wings, I used them to wrap Adorilin in a warm hug, and I pulled her closer as I tried to soothe her pain. She was still shaking, but her breathing was beginning to calm down. I rocked her back and forth as I stroked her mane. She croaked, and her quiet whimpers suddenly went unrestrained. She cried out and grabbed a hold of my forearm. She buried her head into my chest and gave way to sobbing.
It was as if after a great period of time, she was finally able to tell someone all her hidden pain, and she was finally able to be acknowledged. Because of that, her tears went unrestrained, and she wept bitterly.
I looked up, a faint frown forming on my face as I thought of what her life had been. From what I could tell, she wasn’t any older than myself, yet I could hardly imagine what she's been through, having to survive on her own after leaving behind all she's ever known. Even so, she came here, and I cared for her.
Wrapping my other arm around her, I sat there, letting her cry herself out. We ended up sitting like that for a few minutes as she cried, and her tears soaked a little patch of fur on my chest. When she finally started to calm down, the changeling pushed herself out of my embrace, and I looked at her with a soft smile. "Feeling better?"
She nodded, wiping her eyes, and I leaned forward and put a hoof on her shoulder, "Adorilin, thank you for telling me. I know it wasn't easy for you..." I wiped a tear off her cheek, "We’ll talk more later, but for now, I'd suggest that you head back to your room. Otherwise, Luna is going to find some way to get involved in this."
Adorilin gave a quick nod and wiped her eye as she put her disguise on once more. I stood up and helped her up. She looked at me with an appreciative smile and gave a short bow before turning to the door. When she reached the door, Lilly stopped and turned to face me with a bewildered expression on her face. "Wait, does this mean that I'm still your maid?"
I grinned as I gave her a lighthearted chuckle. "Yes, Lilly, for the sake of keeping your disguise believable, I think that's for the best."
A bright smile made its way onto her face, and her eyes shined. "Okay, thank you!" Then she left, walking out the doors to the dining hall.
As I sat there, still processing what Adorilin had said about upcoming events, Lauren quickly took control of our horn and unlocked the kitchen door in the other room. The sound of Luna falling through the doorway reached my ears, and I smiled as I was pulled from my thoughts. I walked over towards the kitchen, and as I walked through the door, I saw Luna staring at me as she waited for an explanation. While she stared, she noticed the damp spot on my coat, and she raised an eyebrow at me.
“What’s that?”
I looked back at her with a puzzled expression and followed her gaze. Breathing out, I shrugged, "She was crying, so I tried to comfort her. She's fine now."
Crossing her forelegs on the kitchen counter, she furrowed her brow as she asked, "So, I was locked out why...?"
I shrugged, “She was feeling really awkward and I wanted her to feel comfortable talking to me. So, I figured it was best as a one on one situation.”
Luna frowned, but she didn’t press any further. I let out a small yawn as I turned my attention back to the kitchen. After all, the reason I came down here in the first place was to get a snack. Making my way over to the cupboards, I looked for something to snack on. I swung a set of double doors open and glanced back at the princess. Looking at Luna, I asked, "So what would you like for breakfast? Or, would it be considered dinner in your case?"
Luna rolled her eyes and sighed, "I already got my food." she said this gesturing to her plate of mixed greens, and I nodded as I turned back to my search for food.
I turned back to the cupboards as I said, "Alright, then it's just me. (Apple pie and cinnamon, second fridge to the left top drawer.) Oh, thanks."
Luna looked at me with a confused face as I hopped down and made my way over to the fridge. She took another bite of her salad and then asked, "How did thou… Arrrgh... How did you know where the food is? Normally its the attendants who get us our meal."
Didn't she just get food?
(Well, I guess she has been here longer than us...)
...Good point.
I set the plate of apple pie on the table and kicked the fridge door closed. "Well, when I first arrived here, I was kinda hungry. So I ended up clearing out the cupboards on the left side of the kitchen over there." I said this as I looked down at the plate, and I felt a mild sense of disappointment because only one slice was left.
Luna gave me a slight grin as she continued eating her meal. Then suddenly, her fork raised, and she attacked, aiming for my pie. I barely saw it coming, and I defended my meal with my arm. She tried again, but as she did, I tossed the slice up and took a quick chomp as I stuffed the pastry into my cheeks. The princess put on a frown, feigning a pout at her defeat, and I stood up on my hind legs, throwing my arms out. I waved them back and forth in victory as I spoke with stuffed cheeks, “Theh pie is min Lwna! Itsh all mine! Muahaha!”
My goofy display was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the kitchen door opening, and with my cheeks ballooned out and pastry crumbs all over my muzzle, I looked over to the door. Standing there was the head chef and the rest of the kitchen staff were with him.
They all had a look of shock and discomfort as they looked at me, and a moment of silence passed as I dropped back down to standing on all fours. The awkwardness in the air became suffocating, and Luna looked back and forth between the kitchen staff and me. Sighing, she put her hoof on her temple and shook her head. "Mother, please swallow your food. You look like an idiot."
"Awww Woona, datz wude!"
I love the fast updates
I love the story
Me gusta que los episodios se actualicen rápidamente ✌😊😁
I feel as if this part could have been... rewritten as... Idk, feels like the pacing was too fast. As if her mood instantly changed from terrified to sadness. Personally, if I were writing something similar, the changling would be showing some hesitation and trepidation. I'd also make sure that the changeling's feelings were expressed in some way... Something like,
The changling didn't reply and looking into the changeling's eye, it was so terrified she probably didn't even hear me. Moving closer, she backed up a bit but after lightening my expression she slowed just enough for me to put a forearm around her. At first, she froze up and closed her eyes, but a few gentle strokes later, she calmed down just a bit. Not enough for a conversation, but enough for now.
Something like that in addition to what's already there. And after she had told her name and why she was there, I'd add something like,
Still shaking and terrified after her story, I hugged her and gave a few soft words that everything was fine, she grabbed my other foreleg in a hug as she cried out more. 'I can hardly imagine what's she's been through after leaving behind all she's ever known, but even so she came here...' Wrapping a wing around her, I sat there letting her cry herself out.
In the end, I'd go with something like that. Of course, that wouldn't be anything. I'd personally have those mixed in with what you already have. Whether it was actually intentional or not for plot convenience, I'll let you decide if you want to ignore my opinion or take the advice. As I've said, this is my personal preference and it could be different for someone else.
I sure there are people out there who actually like it better the way it is. Anyway, so far this is an amazing story and I look forward to reading more. Now I'm going to go back to the chapter as I haven't even reached the halfway point and I have another story that's been updated that I need to read.
Reminds me of an anime I watch a long time ago... Wise Mans Grandson or some weird name like that.
Ah, I found a clip at the timestamp 1:45. Horrible sound quality tho...
10485264 Alright, alright, you caught me on both fronts. I took your suggestion and rewrote that section. Using some of your example in the final work. Thanks for that 👍
Nice bit of world-building, there. +1 bonus point.
10485383
Oh... Well, you didn't Have to do that but okay
Just one thing, make you absolutely want it to be that way. You should have the story shaped the way you want to shape it, not based on the comments(Unless it's a grammar error :D). As someone once said to me, "You can't please everyone".
Butt(pun 100% intended), if you actually do like it like that then yay? Maybe? I don't know
Edit: Also, as I reread, I thought of something funny. A-ahem fellow readers, welcome! To my imagination!
And done...
PS: Mcduf, no I am in no way indicating you should put this in the chapter, because if you did, we'd never see chapter 3, and the chapter would become 2 chapters in one until it was the entire story I did that for imagination's sake because I thought it was funny.
EDIT: I had another thought... Does Faust not feel anything when Alex uses the bathroom? I mean, it's Her body yet someone else is right there. And that someone is Useing her body... Hmm an odd thought
What a twist!
Ah. An inward-opening door.
I like the changes from the original
Reminds me of a part of Six Queens, by Princess OtakuGeek.
I get the impression that Chrysalis just made a BIG mistake.
I walk to burger king, then I walk back home from burger king
I see that quote at the end. Your a fan of TFS aren’t you?
10485383
You have a few errors, and ... about three typoes.
Nice to come back to this story though. :3
So Chryssie is pretending to be Cadance while Cadance is still running around... that's pretty careless of her
Well it's clear with this chapter you've made some changes to the story, and I must say I like how it looks so far
woha, thats what i call a cliffhanger. HOW DARE YOU!
anyway i think its a pretty good story ^^ cant wait to read how it gos on!
Well! Someone is trying to quote the Symbol of Peace now, are they not? Hehe. All Might’s famous quote to calm the fears!
10486254 Yeah, I was listening to music on youtube and You say Run came on a couple of times as I was writing.
10485897 Best dbz dub
Skip to 9:30
I am curious as to where this will go
Error
10489066 thanks 👍
10489121
Welcome
10485902
are you insulting my abilities as a proofreader?????
jk lol. i will take a closer look and try and correct the mistakes, glad u r enjoying so far
One word.
Yes.
Great story Dufus. Have Alex / Lauren get to meet Twilight in next chapter... I expect a little *WHAT?!* from her :]
This is too much. To much cringe. Not fun, only facepalms.
Funny I was just looking for the original of this last week
ahem*
Dear Queen Chrysalis,
pics.me.me/thumb_thou-hast-made-a-folly-decision-memegenerator-net-ya-dun-goofed-53914630.png
Sincerely,
Everyone
Why show the reader and Lauren that Alex is inept at spell casting only for her to assume that he would be capable of defensive casting later in the same chapter? What's the point of sticking to the main plot of the series if you have to hand out idiot balls or make the main character's actions completely ineffective to do so?
10494819 Ah, an excellent observation! To answer your question, the reason for this is because... I'm an idiot. I fixed it the best I could.
Cuando sacarás el siguiente capítulo
10495469 Estoy trabajando en ello, pero hasta ahora estoy solo a la mitad del capítulo.
10490135
I believe it's a comedic element and not supposed to be overly base on real-life...
10495859 Hey, thanks for the support. I already went through it the other day removed a few sections that I had missed while rereading the chapter. Anyway, I went through it and removed some of the pointless/cringy comments from Alex because it really didn't add anything to his character or the story. That's why chapter 1 went from 10k to 9.8K
10495903
Ah, no problem. Sometimes, I'd rather have unexplainable nonsense and irony over something overly realistic. If people still don't like it, I usually just make up a realistic answer for something that seems to make no sense. For example, it might not make sense ponies build citys and yet still use quills? The answer is that with magic, the invention was never needed. I believe there is a saying, something along the lines of, "invention is born of necessity". If you wanted to, you could say it caused stagnation or not. Really, you can make up an explanation for nearly anything that doesn't make sense.:derpytongue1:
Why do ponies/characters act so nonsensical? Because they have different cultures or their brains develop differently. Alex is human so why does he act like that? He's adjusting to being in a pony body, with a pony brain, in a pony fantasy world, and he will likely never see his home or family again. Anyways, I think I proved my point on this front
Think of the unexplored and how you can shape the world to match the story. That's how I shape my story to make sense. I usually pile most of my character's unusual actions on the stress of never seeing their family or home again being ripped from their world by an as of now, unknown being. I normally just do this by implying it in my story but really anything works. And that's how I stretch the line thin when it comes to what questionable thing I want, while making sense in the story. Could be different for you though.
Edit:
10495763>>10485448
Doth thou thinketh I woust not notice this addition?
Unless it was there before and I somehow just don't remember that.
10495931 Hey, you made a good point, I simply took advantage of your suggestion. Writing is an art I'm not used to, (more so traditional drawing) but like all forms of art, everyone inspires each other.
10496011
I simply use that as an excuse to write the story however I want it to be, without making it... urhmmm... bad? nonsensical? yeah, something like that.
Ok
This is mispelled
10497156 Thanks
Interesting story. Gonna keep reading.
Awesome chapter
This is quickly becoming one of my favorites from how clean the writing is and the concept alone. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Ok ok ok. This is really good. The part at the end of chapter one was hilarious! Keep up the good work and do make more funny parts as well please. Can't wait for more to come out!