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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Rushed plot that is good, up until the time skip.
You have obvious setup for a whole chapter of getting to know Zecora.
And you miss the fun relationship building, and dream-fighting with the "And so ...."
I know this is an isekai, but you don't have to fly past making us care about character relationships to get right to the plot.
I get that enough in random isekai manga.
WOOOOOOAHHHHH! horsey! WOOOOOOAHHHHH!
this is like something you just thought up in like 10mins ago or sumthin, theres a lot of details that was rushed and or missing, so reading this was like is this a draft or what?
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/030/967/spongebob.jpg
Your Zecora rhymes are actually quite good. Nice work.
Aloe: Sister, this hue-man being has magic ho-hands. We need to have him in our spa.
You mean Zecora has a dream catcher in her collection? Why am I not that surprise...
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Sometimes when someone is blinded by the destination they forget the journey. When the plot rounds around he's really gonna wish he spent more time actually growing their relationship instead of just going, "And so..."
Okay a problem I see right away is the author's propensity to tell and not show. I would caution them away from taking the easy way out like that. Showing instead of telling is a good way to slowly introduce character personalities and pass time.
That said, Zecora's rhyming was excellent, honestly some of the best I have ever seen. Just focus on more details and grammar check.
I love this so far