Detective jakkid166 Breaks Bad

by jakkid166

meth

"You in big trouble now," said Cranky Donkey Donkey as twi and I were sat down in the meth lab waiting for our newest batch to finish AND for zecora to come back and do something that might posibly have an evilness and badness quality to it that might make us enter the death zone.

"Zecora will forgive us when we see how good this batch is!" said me and the oven DINGED and the tray came out. I sniff the tray of cookies and it smell good, but then i realize they are all FLAT and HARD! "oh NO! my SNICKERDOODLES"

"see jakkid I told you you use not enough flour," said Cranky. "You used a Half Measure when you shoulda used a Full Measure."

"shit" I said because I now knew all hope was losted. "What will we do twilight"

"Have you tried downloading the 'dont get killed' app?" said Twilight holding up her iPhone

"wait Twilight youre a GENIUS!" i said and i grab the phone and dial. "PHOENIX you gota get over here to the meth lab quick!"

"Wait which one" said Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney for Nintendo DS.

"oh right you dont know. Zecora has a meth lab here under her restarant Las Metamfinas Hermanas. I can tell this is true because she is gonna kill us right now for murdering her employee Mario Soprano unless you get here and defend us in Meth Court!"

"Damn son I'll get there as soon as I can" and he closed his phone and jumped in his Lawyermobile to get over here and shit a fat bucket of Law all over Zecora.

"HEY!" said Cronky and he grabb my phone and take a big bite out of it. "No phones alowed in class. Om nom nom nom"

Suddenloy the DOOR from the balcony open! it was ZECORA. she walk over to the stairs and down to us.

"Hello zebcora," said me and I hold the cookie tray up. "We made cookies for you! Cranky mess up the recipe though."

zecora grab a cookie and gom a bite. she cronched it hard on her teeths so much that it even got chewed up. "Hmm.... I like the taste of this cookie. It does not taste like a dookie." and she grab the tray. "Come into my office, Cranky. When you farting it is stanky."

"Yes sir ma'am," said Crank and he turn to us. "Dont you two do anything dumb or stupid or idiotish while im gone! You stay put!" and he and Zecora go into her office for the business meeting or something

"Wow" said Twilight. "She like the cookies?"

"I guess she is onea those weird people who like crispy cookies more than chewy" I say. "Quick, this a detectiv opportunity. lets eavesdorpping on their meeting!" so we both went to the door and shove our ears on it for Maximum Hearingosity.

~ INSIDE ~

"These cookies are the best in town" said Zecora. "they so good that my pants turn brown."

"so are you gonna let them go?" said Crankle.

"No! they murder my own drug dealer!" she say. "I'm gonna paint my house to be teal-er."

"so What are you gonna do to them!?" said Crank.

"First you question and grill them" said her. "Then you have to dead kill them."

~ OUTSIDE ~

"Damn did you hear that twilight!" said me.

"No I didnt because I have cronic earwax problems and have not been to the doctor for it yet," said Twilight.

"Its what zecora said! She said she is going to 'red pill' us!"

"what does that mean"

"It mean that she is going to give us a blue or red pill and we take the red one and then we find out the world is actually the matrix and we get cool superpowers just like Neo Reeves!"

"That sounds boring I dont like the matrix" said Twilight. "but ive only seen 3."

"WHAT" said me. "but thats the WORST ONE!"

suddenly the door BURST OPEN and out charge cranky donky! "You IDIOTS" said him. "Matrix 3 is NOT the worst one! matrix 4 is" (i know matrix 4 didnt come out yet when this story happend but twilight helpd me with one of her time travel spells to get a copy of it from the future and release it for pubic theater showings in Equestria and warner bros cant sue me for it cause they sign a treaty with Celestia to not sue me anymore.)

"No its NOT!" i say. "That movie is FINE. Matrix 3 is boring as SHIT"

"All of you are dumb as a gun," said Zecora. "The first matrix is the worst one."

all of us look at Zecora. "what the FUCK?" we all said.

"Thats my opinion which I will shout," said her. "If you dont like it you can both get out."

"Fine!" said me and i said "Lets get outta here twilight where people dont have stupid movie tastes!" and we went out the door and leaved out the door.

"Good riddance" said Cranky.

"Thatll show those dummy poops," said Zecora. "They are not invited to my Steam Groups."

"Wait boss," said Cranky. "Werent we supposed to kill them?"

"Huh? Whuh?" said her and she realize. "Oh for fucks sake god damn it. Get me a desk so I can slam it."

~ OUT THE LAB ~

"Well its a good thing zecora forgive us for murdering Mario even though we didnt do it which means my detective conscience is clean and shiny," said me.

"Yeah but when wil she stop being mad that you have better movie taste than her and Cranky?" said Twilight.

"She will come to her sense eventually," say me. "I dont know which one but hopfully it is the sense of vision so she can see she is being dumb."

"Wait." say Twilight. "Is she still gona try to kill us now?"

"What" said me. "Oh shit. you right. Zecora is a Ruthless person. She does not have even a LITTLE ruth. If she will kill someone for something as little as murdering her friends, she will probably also kill for something thats a REALLY big deal like having a diferent movie opinion from her. We are in mortal deep shit twilight!"

"Fuck hell," said Twilight. "Quick we gotta get to the Meth Cave!"

"On it!" said me and I grab out my keys and it called my Detective car to us and we jump in and i FLOOR IT and we sped off to Twilights house.

~ IN THE OTHER MEANWHILE ~

"What a hard and stumpy case," said Dick the America while him and Applejackle stroll through ponyville. "This is requirin a lot of detective thinking. What do you think Applejack?"

"Well partner," said she, "Do meth exist where you are from?"

"Yeah it does" said Dick. "In our world meth is blue and made by bald people who have glasses and face hair like murstashes and goatees."

"Well partener who do we know thats like that?" said Applesack.

"HMMMMMM." said dick. "well I guess Jakkid and Twilight do. But it cannot be them doing it! Jakkid and Twilight would NEVAR do that! okay well maybe Twilight would. but NOT jakkid!"

"Well partner maybe if- WOAH" and she was CUT OFF by the SPEEDING of a CAR going by. "Holy shitapples what in dicknation was that???"

"Hey thats Phoenix Wrights lawyermobile!" said Dick and he use his hands like bornorcorlors to see better. "He is goin WAY TOO above the speed limit which is 0 in ponyville because ponies dont have cars! Whys he in such a hurry?!"

"Crap if I know parter," said Apple. "Hey wait, hes goin to Las Metamfetamenas Hermanas!"

"Why wold you need to SPEED there if it is already FAST food??" said Dick. "This is suspicion! I say we follow him!"

"Righty-o partner!" said Applejack and the two crawled on the ground really stealthy to go after him but also did it real fast so they can catch up.

~ OK WE ARE BACK IN THE LAB NOW ~

"God this sucks" said Zecora. "And Elden Ring costs 60 bucks."

"Dont worry boss we will catch them, and also get you a copy of elden ring," said Cranky. "All we need to do first is start actually tryin to go after them."

"Thats so much work, I would rather lurk."

"Come on boss wheres your enthusiasems?? What if jakkid goes to cops and you go to prison and have to wear prison clothes?"

"Hmm I do not like clothes that are orange. I guess then maybe we should-" but before she could say something to rhyme with that the DOOR BURST OPEN UPSTAIRS and in walked a certain man. a man who you all know the name of who is the best my littel pony character ever created... Phoenix WRIGHT.

"HEY!" said Phoenix "You two motherfucks! What are you doin tryin to kill jakkid and twilight?! I will SAVE THEM!" and he did a lawyer front flip off tha balcony onto the ground.

cranky pulled his gun out.

"Oh" said Phoenix. "Actually I was joking im gonna leave now."

"Who da hell are you?!" said Cranky. "This is top secert facility! NO ONE is allow to know about this place, not even me or Zecora!"

"No its fine I am jakkid and twilights lawyer," said Phoenix and he hold up his Attorney ID and his Attorney Badge and his Lawyer Gun.

"Oh thats fine then" said Cranky and he holster the gun in wherever a donkey does that.

"So what is your business here" said Zecora. "Answer or youll be in fear."

"I dont know what twikkid166 did to make you mad but YOU know the rules of being a outlaw: everyone gets a fair trial before they get murdered."

"UGH FUCK I forgot about that" said Zecora. "That is annoying as a college frat. But fine we will give the two a trial. Go get the two and we wait here a while."

~ IN THE SECRET PLACE THAT IS TWILIGHTS HOUSE BUT I CANT TELL YOU THAT BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE WORKING FOR ZECORA AND KILL ME ~

"This is gemius!" said me as I give us a round of applause for our Good Detective Thinking and excellent solutiones to excellent problems. "This is the LAST place anyone can expect you to be at."

"I agree" said Twi. "But we cannot leave the house any UNDER circumstance! Otherwise we may get see by a pony and then that pony tells another pony and that pony tells anothere pony and that pony mails a letter to Pony Afghanistan about it and that pony sends an email to Pony Japan about it and that pony sends a Skype message to Pony Ponyville about it and Zecora hears about it! so dont do that."

"Dont worry twilight," said me and I look out the window. "Wait. Twilight your mailbox has mail in it you should check it."

"Oh good idea maybe my new cardboard box is here." said her and she went and got the mailbox outside and it was a big box. she took it inside and stuck it on tha ground and opened it. "Oh dammit its not my box" she said "its just this piece of paper." and she hand it to me.

"Lemme see that" and I grab it and shove my eyes all over the paper. "No.... this canot be... the ONE thing that can make us step outside our hidin place." and i show it to her.

it was... a COURT SUMMONS!