Detective jakkid166 Breaks Bad

by jakkid166

My Little Pony: Friendship is Meth

"Okay dokay," said Twilight as she swept her hooves together. "Now we have to figure out a way to make Cheerilee's body invisible because of not existing. We need to figure out the best and most eficient way to get rid of it."

"Well this shits the fuck," said me while I was poking the body. "The body is made up of like billions of atoms, how ar we supposed to get rid of em all?"

"Well, there are two ways," said Twi. "We can either 1: use tweezers to take all the atoms out of the body one by one, or 2: dissolve the body in hydrocloric acid."

"The second one sound like too much trouble," said me, "But however I do not own tweezers. So therfore we must use the acid."

"Okay then," said Twilight. "But ar you sure you know what youre doing? Hydrocloric acid is very dangerous."

"Dont worry," said me. "I got dis. After all, you cant spell hydrojakkid166cloric acid without jakkid166."

~ At the Acid Store ~

I pulled up my car to the register of Acid Mart. "Excuse me the detective jakkid166," said me.

The register pony looked up from his crossword puzzl and said "Yeah what do you want?"

"Do you have any acid that is good for disolving bodies?"

"What the fuck?" said the pony. "Why does you want that? Are YOU gonna disolve a body?!"

"No," I say. "Thats the 4th vertical question on that crossword."

"OH!" he said and he looked at it. "Youre right!" and he wrote "yes" in that column. "Thanks detective jakkid166."

"No problem," said me and with this new infomation I bought all the body dissolving acid in the store.

~ IN THE MEAN OF WHILE ~

"Have you found any clues yet Applejack?" said Dick America as he used his margenifying glass to magnify his eyes really big so Applejack could tell he was lookin at her to make eye contact and was talking to her, becaus he is a considerate person.

"Nothin yet portner," said Apple as she sniff the ground. "This dirt got no scent other than dirt scent."

"Dang," said Dick. "I am sure it is very well sented dirt but it does not help us."

"Maybe we shold look some other place other than the Dirt Store."

"No," said Dickmerica, "Dirt is one of tha most essential ingredients in Methamphemeamean. We must investigate to see who have been here in recent times." so Dick went up to the front counter to speak to the Cashier Pony. "Exsqueuse me ma'a'am, do you have a second? Or a minute? Or an hour"

"Yessire bob Mr. Ghost Man," said the cashier. "May I interest you in a Boquet of Dirt for your lover? We have only the best scents."

"I am afraid not," said Dicks and he put his fist to his chest in reminescence. "I had a lover one time ago, but it was not to be."

"Oh Im sorry I will put it away. Is there-"

"Her name was Sara N. Wrap."

"I am sorry for your loss. What-"

"It was a Tragic Event," said Dick. "It was a day like any other. She and I was on one of th most romantic events possible, a seasonic vacation ocean cruise to Kansas. It was going so well, we wer finally about to hug for the first time on our one year anniversary. But it was a cruise of chaos... as a waiter slipped on an ice cube and the ice cube flew up and hit the fire alarm and set it off and it startled her and made her jump but she acidentally held forward while jumping and she fell off the ship into the perilos waters never to be seen again."

"Oh no." said the cashier pony. "That is awful."

"Thankfully she wa rescued by a friendly Great White Shark, who kept her safe by swallowing her and keeping her in his belly. The shark swam onto the ship and walked over onto the deck and took the elevator up and met with us. The shark tried to stick its middle flipper finger in its throt to throw her up! But... it didnt work because sharks dont have gag reflexes, so she was doomed."

"Oh no."

"However she did not know that the shark actualy had Good Intentions. Therefore this made her reach into her purse and pull out her self defense spray, which was a M249 Light Machine Gun that sprayed bullets. She fired it everywher and made a hole to get out of the shark and she was alive! But it also sucked cause the shark died. She was then arrested by some Shark Cops who came onto the ship and tried her in Shark Court and she was executed in the Shark Electric Chair."

"That sucks," said the pony. "Are you done now?"

"Not yet. 15 seconds after her exemecution she was exonerated because it turn out what tipped it to death penalty was because a shark cop planted methamneatamine on her. The sharks also forgot that water conduct electricity so when they execute her it also killed 3 other shark cops in the room with her so it was big PR nightmare for the shark police department. They did not get in trouble though because they were the ones investigating themselfs. For this, I wil never forgive Meth, and I will take down whoever bringing it to our precious methless town!"

"WOOOO PARTNER" clapped Applejack at the story. "Got one question though. If she died and youre both ghosts now cant you date now as ghosts?"

"What" said Dick and he looked at her. "Holy shit. Youre right" and he grab his phone to dial in a number

"Wait portner! What about the investigation?"

"Oh right," said dick and he turn to the cashier for a second. "Have you seen anyone in here buyin meth-making dirt recently?"

"Yea, some dude with glasses bought some yesterdey."

"Sweet thanks."

~ LATER LATER CHICKEN TATER ~

"Well that disolving process was a long and painful process that was definitely not good for people to see in a T rated story," said me. "Since this will have a T rating once i write about it on Fimfiction later after all this happened."

"Yeah but what are we gonna do with this big barrel of acid and blood and air freshener to keep the scent clean?" said Twilight balancing on top rolling it on the ground as we walk through town.

"Hmm we should probably sell it to someone who needs acid and blood and air freshener to keep the scent clean," said me. "Maybe Fluttershy would- OW" i OWed as we bumped into none other than DICK AMERICA and APPLEJACK!

"Oh hey what is up my dude Detective jakkid166 the other greatest detective in the world!" said Dick. "And hi Twilight. What are you doin?"

"Oh uh" said me. "I am helping Twilight practice her barrel balancing classes."

"Sweet," said Dick. "Now I have to say the thing I meant to say at first but accidentally didnt. Woah holy shit jakkid youre bald now? And have a mustache and goatee?? And you too Twilight Sparkle???"

"Uhhhh" said me. "Yep. This my new look. I had a small accident in the kitchen where I tryed to light a candle but it was actually Dynamite and it blew all the hair off my head. However I am not used to my head being lighter cause of no hair so I grew face hair. It is convenient tho cause now when I wash my head I can just go to it in tha bowling ball polishing machine at the bowling alley and it is pristine and shiny."

"I see," said Dick. "It is a look. You are definitely bald. Its a change in you physical appearance, and it is on your head. Wait-" he cut himself off and peer at the barrel. "Is this BLOOD? and ACID?"

"And air freshener to keep the scent cl-" said Twilight but I cover her mouth.

"Ah no," said me. "This is food coloring to turn the town fontain red. The mayor want to celebrate halloween early this year. Or late, whatever it is right now."

"Oh cool" said Dick "Typical good heart jakkid doing service for the community. Keep up the good work" and he keep going away with applejackle.

"God that was a close fuck," said me. "We almost got caughted."

"Yea," said Twilight as she kick the barrel over to roll into the fountain and fall in and the water turned all red and startd dissolving all the money in the fountain. The parent ponies started gaspin and keeping they kid ponies away from the fountain. "that was TOO close."

"The heat may close in on us one day," said me. "You know what we need?"

"What do we need" said Twilight?

"A lawyer."

Comments

[Thought Prism]

Oh my god you have me rolling again. Sara's story was ludicrously good.

[Compass The Pegasus]

Yeah, I'm thinking this story is defining the future of humanity. Please continue.

[jakkid166]

10848710
here you go (it took me a year to find it sorry) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/442444/the-fall-of-detective-jakkid166