Kidnap, Kiss, Transfigure
Ministry of Magic, London, Monday 18th May 1992, 8:00am
As wizards go, Boris Pompernickle wasn’t much to look at. Now in his early fifties he’d let himself go a bit after two failed marriages. His hair was a blonde scraggly mess, his shirt unironed, wrinkled and stretched over an ever-increasing gut. Truthfully speaking, he also wasn’t that much of a wizard. If you looked up the definitions of incompetent idiot and coward in the dictionary, you’d find his picture would be under both. Unfortunately for the Ministry of Magic, Boris was also relatively smart and had a knack for keeping his head down and not bringing attention to himself, even if he actually was doing very little for his paycheque at the end of the month. It was only after ten years of service for the Ministry, when they’d sent him along with nine other wizards as a peace delegation to try and talk sense into and stop Lord Voldemort from bringing about the Wizarding War that they saw just how useless he was. Nervous and twitchy he’d ultimately accidently fired the spell that had ignited and officially started the war. He ended up being one of only three wizards to return to the Ministry alive from the debacle, having hidden in a cupboard for the majority of the battle. The other two wizards had not held back on condemning him for his actions and had demanded he be fired for them or worse. Boris had argued though that he had never wanted to go and that it was the Ministry’s failings for sending him in the first place. He had then gone on to brilliantly explain how the Ministry had known that war was inevitable and had thus only sent young, inexperienced wizards to the peace talks that they thought were expendable in case things turned south. Upon dropping this bombshell, the Ministry had quickly decided not to fire him and instead reassigned him to the Centaur Liaison Office, which had never been used by a centaur in recorded history then and still hadn’t over twenty years later. Boris was just contemplating how he was going to spend yet another Monday, mostly drinking tea and eating biscuits while making it look like he was actually doing something behind his desk in case his superior, Gethsemane Prickle, should drop round, when he turned the corner into the hallway and found himself choking on the tea he was currently drinking. There, waiting outside his office was an actual centaur.
“Ah, are you Mr Pompernickle,” he said without emotion.
Slowly Boris managed to regain his composure. “Yes, I am Mr Pompernickle, Head of the Centaur Liaison Office. Please come in,” he said formally as he approached the door to his office and pulled out a key from his jacket pocket to unlock it.
“Thank you,” Sorlith muttered following the older gentleman in.
“Please, take a seat. Tea? Coffee?” Boris asked taking his seat behind the desk.
“No thanks,” Sorlith stated settling himself down on a cushion on the other side of the desk to Boris.
“Okay then, how might I help you today? To be honest, having a centaur waiting outside my office was the last thing I expected this morning. You centaurs don’t particularly like our help usually,” Boris admitted.
Sorlith let out a chuckle. “That’s an understatement, but don’t worry, I’m not like most my kin. You’ve probably heard of me already, I’m the centaur exiled from his herd because he took on a human as a mate.”
“Ah, yes, I was the one who liaised with Dumbledore to get you set up in Hogsmeade. It’s great to meet you at long last, Sorlith isn’t it? How’s the family? Daughter’s doing her O.W.Ls at Hogwarts this year, isn’t she?” Boris requested before taking a sip of his tea.
Sorlith shuddered uncontrollably as memories of the past weekend flashed across his mind. “Yes, that’s my name. I can see you take your job seriously and thank you for all your help.”
“Don’t mention it. In truth it gets a little boring here as you can imagine. Reading files over and over again is about all I have to do. Now, why did you shudder when I mentioned Hogwarts and your daughter. Nothing serious has happened I hope?” Boris pressed.
“Unfortunately, that is why I’m here. I’d like to raise a grievance and complaint against the school for both incompetence and failing in their duty to protect my daughter from harm,” Sorlith explained.
“I see, those are some accusations. Might I ask what exactly happened,” Boris requested trying to keep calm.
“Dumbledore thought detention in the Forbidden Forest at night whilst an unknown creature lurked within murdering unicorns was a smart idea. This is also not taking into consideration my daughter’s heritage and what could have happened if my ex had got a hold of her,” Sorlith continued.
“I see, yes, that does seem a tad irresponsible of Albus Dumbledore. Did anything actually happen though,” Boris stated praying for the answer to be no. His luck wasn’t in.
“My daughter was stabbed by the creature with a knife that was laced with poison and curses. She very nearly died because of his decision and if it wasn’t for the unicorn blood that was already on the blade, she probably would have. Instead, she’s now cursed or blessed, depending on how you see it, with a unicorn horn atop her head,” Sorlith growled angrily.
Boris rubbed his temple with one of his hands. This was serious and nearing the point of above his pay grade. Finally, he replied, “I see, that is very unfortunate and you clearly have a case for negligence. How would you like me to proceed? Would you like Headmaster Dumbledore to be dismissed from his post?”
“No. He has helped me and my family so much I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. All I want is for my girl’s school fees to be annulled, a full safety check done by the Ministry of Magic of the school immediately and lastly I want it to be made mandatory that students are taught about acceptance of other species at the school,” Sorlith laid out his terms.
Boris rubbed his temple some more. “I will visit the school this afternoon and conduct the safety check myself. In the meantime, I will talk to the necessary departments and get your first request dealt with as well.”
“Thank you. Please be aware that if all my requests are not met, I have a legal team on standby who are more than willing to act on my behalf to secure just and fair compensation for my daughter. Now, I have an appointment arriving at my shop shortly, so I must get back to Hogsmeade. I wish you a good day and expect to hear an update by the end of the week,” Sorlith stated rising from the cushion.
“Of course. I assure you that this matter is my number one priority right now and I will do my utmost to put your mind at rest that Hogwarts is in indeed a safe non-prejudicial establishment for your daughter to study at. Have a great week,” Boris said in a serious tone.
“Thank you. I expect no less,” Sorlith replied not turning around as he opened the door and ducking underneath the door frame left without another word.
Boris fell back into his chair sweating buckets. He let out a huge sigh of relief before rising from his chair and heading to his fireplace.
“Better to get this over with,” he said to himself as he took a handful of floo powder and shouted clearly “Gethsemane Prickle’s office.”
It was going to prove to be a very busy day.
*
Hogwarts Infirmary, Scottish Highlands, 11:00am
Madam Pomfrey slumped into a chair with a massive sigh. The infirmary was once again quiet, as it should be, and for five minutes she had no patients to worry about.
She wasn’t at all surprised when the doors to the infirmary burst open once more. She hadn’t expected she’d be allowed even five minutes of peace and quiet, not with how this year was going. Along with Dumbledore and Flitwick were three students…
“More Hufflepuffs. What is it this time?” she grumbled rising from her chair. “Blown a hand of? Mauled by a giant badger? Thought jumping into the lake from one of the towers was a smart idea?”
Dumbledore cast Colloportus on the doors before he spoke.
“Actually, Hagrid spiked the punch at the Hufflepuffs party for celebrating winning the quidditch cup last night.”
“Oh no, not again.” She slumped back into her chair. “It took all my expertise just to save that student’s eyesight last time and I had half of Gryffindor in here then.” Her head met one of her hands. “Please tell me he hasn’t blinded another student.”
“Unfortunately, we are currently unsure. Professor Sprout is still too hungover to provide us with any detailed information it seems and has gone back to bed to recover along with the majority of her students. I’ve already got Snape working on ensuring he has enough hangover tonic in case it is required. I think we are all well aware of the strength of Hagrid’s bootleg brew.”
“Well, at least that will hopefully cut down on admissions this time around and please don’t remind me, not that I actually remember half of what I did after drinking that stuff,” Madam Pomfrey admitted. “So, if most of the Hufflepuff students are in bed, why are these three with you. Miss Melody, I do hope you have been taking it easy since I released you. I don’t want those stitches coming undone.”
“Eugh, please not so fucking loud. I’ve a stinking headache,” Melody groaned. “Yow, shit, the ankle bracelet is working again, yow, okay, okay, no more swearing,” she said with a grimace.
“Serves you right. You are still to young to be drinking and that goes for all three of you,” Madam Pomfrey scolded. “I’ve a good mind to withhold the hangover tonic Professor Snape created to teach you all a lesson, but unfortunately I’m duty bound to provide it. Still, at least I’ll get some comfort from knowing it tastes even worse than skele-gro. Now, is it just the tonic the students require or have they done any other damage to themselves.”
“Well, actually we came to you because Miss Belle and Miss Melody seemed to have cast a spell on Miss Wing whilst drunk,” Dumbledore explained a little nervously, unsure how his temperamental matron would take to this latest development.
“Oh, for fuck sake,” Madam Pomfrey openly swore. “Of course, the two unicorn students would improperly use magic whilst drunk. I hope they’ve got a week of detention for it. So, what did they do?” Madam Pomfrey groused.
Abigail extended the wings that had been tightly concealed behind her back.
Madam Pomfrey’s eyes bulged before she squealed like a little girl and raced over to Abigail.
Sweetie and Melody groaned holding their hands to their ears.
Dumbledore and Flitwick looked at the Matron as if the stress of the job had finally pushed her over the edge.
“Oh my word, these are unbelievable,” Madam Pomfrey stated whilst examining the wings, particularly where they joined perfectly to the girl’s back. “Scrap the detentions, both girls deserve top marks in Charms for these. Incredible, simply incredible. I’m going to need to run some tests, yes definitely. Come along now, me and you are going to be spending a vast proportion of time together today.”
Abigail smiled happily. She’d spent the last hour with Dumbledore and Flitwick discussing ways they could reverse the spell much to her chagrin. She’d not let anyone take her cool and beautiful new wings even it would take her parents some time to get used to her new look.
“Err Matron, although we admire your enthusiasm, the wings shall not be permanent. We just want your view and verdict before we remove them. The last thing we want to cause…” Flitwick started to explain nervously.
“WHAT!” Madam Pomfrey exploded in fury before he could finish. “Girl, do you really not want these wings?
Abigail lunged herself at Madam Pomfrey and wrapped her arms around her as tears of joy flooded down her cheeks before she turned and scowled at the two professors.
“I think that answers that question. Either of you two dare attempts to remove these wings and I’ll have you removed from the school grounds before you can say ‘Pegasus’,” the Matron said with a scowl of her own.
“Matron, I don’t think you are being fair. Just think what her parents are going to say?” Dumbledore tried to reason.
“If they love their daughter, they’ll except her for who she is. If you prefer, I’ll write the letter out this afternoon after my tests and accept the backlash. I’ll just go fetch that hangover tonic for the other two girls then you can all leave us in peace, okay?”
“Fine,” Dumbledore sighed, “but if the parents want them removed, we are legally obliged to do so, understood?”
“Of course,” Madam Pomfrey replied barely listening as she turned and headed to one of the many cupboards that littered one of the walls of the infirmary.
Abigail wiped the tears from her eyes and continued smiling like a loon. She was going to keep her wings!
“Headmaster Dumbledore! Headmaster Dumbledore!” Filch’s voice suddenly echoed from the hallway before appearing in the doorway panting. “Sir,” he paused trying to catch his breath, “there’s an officer from the Ministry of Magic just arrived to inspect the school. Says he’s from the Centaur Liaison Office acting on behalf of both the Ministry and his client Sorlith Song. I tried to stall him but he was having none of it.”
This time it was Dumbledore’s turn to rub his temple. He had expected such a visit but had hoped it wouldn’t be until later in the week, especially after last night’s latest incident. “Thank you for informing me Filch. I’d better go find our unexpected guest before he gets into any trouble.”
“I’m afraid he already has sir. Seems three girls and Professor McGonagall released Fluffy last night. As I knew you were busy and probably didn’t want to be disturbed, I took him to see Minerva instead. She was passed out behind her desk while the three girls were snuggled up to the beast on the floor.”
“How? You know what, never mind,” Dumbledore sighed. This was going to be a long, long day.
*
Hufflepuff dormitories, 11:00am
Joanne awoke groggily with a stiff neck and attempted to roll over in her bed. That’s when she first realised something was wrong as she found herself unable to move her arms.
Okay, nothing to worry about, she thought to herself trying desperately not to panic. I’ll just get my bearings and, okay I’m tied to a chair, interesting. She took a look around the room she seemed to be in. It appeared to be a dorm of some sort, although not in Ravenclaw that was for sure. Two girls were snoring loudly on a bed in front of her, one had their right leg in a cast, the other their left leg. Oh no, it suddenly dawned on her where she was and just what had proceeded the night before.
“HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!” she screamed.
*
Two rather gaunt and pale faced third year Hufflepuff boys who’d just been released from the infirmary were stumbling back to their dorms for further rest and recuperation after traversing the minefield of the common room when they heard the scream and made an immediate detour.
As they burst into the second-year girls’ dorm the most peculiar of sights greeted them. Heidi and Tamsin, both looking worse for wear, were trying their utmost to silence another student with a shaved head and leeks growing out her ears who for some reason was tied to a chair.
The screaming was ultimately ended when said restrained student suddenly gagged and vomited a whole load of slugs onto the floor.
“Okay, that’s just nasty,” Anthony stated.
“Girls, like to explain what is going on here?” Cedric requested.
“We’ve no idea, we just woke up to her screaming!” Heidi admitted.
“Last thing I remember was joking with Heidi last night over what jinx we were going to play on that snide news reporter, oh,” Tamsin stopped mid-sentence.
“Oh what?” Cedric demanded.
“Discord may have helped us kidnap a certain Ravenclaw fourth year and,” Tamsin paused unsure how to finish the sentence.
“And what?” Cedric demanded once more.
“We might have had a teensy bit of alcohol at the celebrations last night,” Heidi giggled.
“What, how’d you get a hold of alcohol?”
“Oof, can you keep the noise down, some of us are trying to sleep,” Berry Punch groaned lifting her head up from the floor next to Heidi’s bed.
“Yeah, shut the fuck up,” Wally cawed perched atop Berry’s head before tucking his head back beneath a wing.
“That answer your question, oh and Hagrid too,” Tamsin deadpanned feeling a mighty headache coming on.
“Hey, let me out of here. When Professor Flitwick hears about this you two are going to be in so much trouble,” Joanne practically screamed with rage.
Cedric gave a massive sigh. He was still nowhere near feeling his best after what had befallen him these past twenty-four hours and just wanted to return to his own bed and sleep some more. Instead, he was now an unfortunate witness to a kidnapping.
“We’ll deal with the talking pony later; right now I’m sorry Joanne but this is for your own good,” Cedric said walking over to the girl while pulling out his wand.
“Wait, what are you doing?” Joanne exclaimed in alarm struggling futilely with the ropes that bound her.
“Obli…” Cedric began but never finished as Professor Discord popped into existence out of nowhere wearing a Stetson.
“Huh, so this is where that portal leads to. Oh, right.” He snapped his fingers and he disappeared again along with Joanne without another word.
“I’m going back to bed; you three can deal with the pony,” Cedric sighed heading for the door.
“Make that you two,” Anthony added turning and following Cedric to the door.
Heidi and Tamsin looked at each in complete bewilderment for a moment, then shrugged their shoulders simultaneously and headed back to bed themselves, picking Berry up of the floor as they did so before all three snuggled together in a pile as they drifted back off to sleep, Wally still perched on Berry’s head.
*
Minerva McGonagall’s classroom, 11:00am
Maddie was awoken by the loud banging of a door being suddenly slammed shut. Slowly and painfully she opened her eyes wondering where she was. She immediately wished she hadn’t. A pair of confused eyes that were attached to the head of a monstrous beast with way too many sharp teeth stared back at her for a moment before opening its jaws.
“Mummy,” was all Maddie could whimper as she closed her eyes once more and awaited her inevitable demise as the monster’s breakfast.
Instead, something long and slimy washed over.
“Ewwwwwwwww,” Maddie winced opening her eyes once more. “Dog drool,” she whined wondering what was worse, being eaten alive or completely covered head to toe in dog spittle.
The great massive brute then decided to nudge her playfully. Slowly some hazy memories from the night before pieced themselves together in Maddie’s mind.
“Oh shit, I’m in so much trouble,” She groaned before scratching Fluffy’s middle head behind one of his ears.
The dog panted happily rubbing its great big head against the girl’s chest demanding even more affection like some great big puppy.
“At least it seems I’ve a cool new dog. I wonder if my parents will let me keep him?”
*
Castle Entranceway, 11:10am
Boris stared through the giant dog sized hole in the castle wall out onto the castle lake and wrote swiftly in a notebook with his quill,
Been at the castle all of five minutes and have already found evidence of underage drinking and dangerous creatures being kept upon the grounds. Furthermore, the castle is in serious need of immediate repairs, although this might be due to the actions of said giant dog I just had the pleasure of meeting.
He rubbed his temple. What was supposed to be yet another nice peaceful Monday on his way to a nice peaceful retirement had escalated into a full-blown cross-species incident. Prickle’s words echoed in his ears.
I’ve heard on the grapevine of a number of unconfirmed serious incidents at Hogwarts this year. This latest incident gives us a chance to investigate things further Pompernickle and fully assess just how safe Hogwarts is for the students. I expect an in-depth report on my desk Wednesday morning at the utter latest. I also can’t stress enough just how strained Human-Centaur relations are right now. You mess this up Pompernickle, there will be no wangling your way out of your incompetence this time. I’m sure you get what I mean. Now get going, you’ve an inspection to prepare for and I‘ve a delightful conversation with financial services to have.
He shuddered. There weren’t many places for a wizard such as himself to find work outside the Ministry.
“A sickle for your thoughts?” A wise old voice startled him out of his thoughts and made him jump. The voice was followed by a light chuckle at the response it brought.
“Headmaster Dumbledore, how great it is to meet you once more. It has been too long.”
“Indeed Boris. I never did get the chance to thank you in person for all your assistance with setting Sorlith and his family up in Hogsmeade,” Dumbledore finished with a smile taking the proffered hand.
“Think nothing of it. It was nice to have something to do for once. Aside from today, not much of interest particularly happens in my job. Now, care to offer an explanation for this,” Boris indicated to the large hole in the wall.
“Ah yes, of course you are here on business terms not pleasure. Although I was expecting your arrival sooner or later after the talk with Miss Song’s parents last week, I had hoped it would be a little later in the week. You see, Hufflepuff won the Quidditch trophy for the first time in nearly thirty years yesterday and their celebrations last night seem to have got a little out of hand,” he explained as he effortlessly fixed the outer wall from all the broken masonry on the floor.
“We actually won?” Boris said with a surprised look on his face. “Well, I think that changes everything,” he tore out the page from his notebook. “Kids will be kids as they say and if you wouldn’t mind.”
“Not at all. Incendio,” Dumbledore replied, the smile growing wider as he turned the ball of paper to nothing more than ashes that blew away in the wind.
“In truth I see nothing wrong with the school, especially in regards to safety. Running a boarding school is hard enough, but one where magic is involved, your record is remarkable. Aside from the incident involving Filius Flitwick in seventy seven at the height of the Wizarding War, there have been no records of any serious incidents or issues over safety with Hogwarts during your tenure as headmaster. In fact, during the war Hogwarts was regarded as the safest location for any wizard seeking refuge from you-know-who,” Boris stated in an impressed tone.
“Thank you. Students safety is of the utmost priority to us here at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, this year has thrown up some events that not even we could have foretold,” Dumbledore replied.
“Like a girl losing her arm during a quidditch match?” Boris pushed his luck.
“So, you heard about that. Yes, it is true and I won’t deny three girls from an alternate dimension along with the boy who lived seem to be at the centre of all these events, but I promise you that we are dealing with each problem as it arises internally. If you’d like to accompany me to my office, I will be more than happy to discuss them further with you over a cup of tea.”
“A cup of tea sounds splendid right now. We can also talk about the other request Mr Song would like the school to implement aside from the safety check which I can continue to conduct on the way,” Boris said with a smile of his own before following Dumbledore to his office.
*
The Centaur’s Eye Fortune Teller’s, Hogsmeade, 13:30
Aside from his early morning appointment at the Ministry and then a few of his regular clients popping by, it was so far proving to be a rather slow day for Sorlith. Amber had also just departed to do the weekly grocery shop so he was stuck on his own to try and work out their business’ finances, something he hated doing. He was thus quite glad when he heard the bell above the door to his shop ring to announce he had a visitor.
“Welcome to the Centaur’s Eye. Your one stop shop for all your,” he stopped mid-sentence as he saw who had come in. Slowly he lowered his reading glasses onto the counter he was sitting behind before speaking once more. “Mr. Pompernickle, this is a surprise. I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon.”
“Well, I just finished my inspection of the school and felt it was better to talk things over with you in person while I’m here,” Boris stated casting Colloportus on the door and turning the sign on the door to closed.
“Oh, and why’s that?” Sorlith asked, his face not displaying even a hint of emotion.
“I think you already know why. I may look like a bit of a fool Mr Song, but if there is one thing I certainly know a thing or two about after twenty years in the same job, it's centaurs. Your species are the masters of divination and notorious for talking in rhymes and riddles,” Boris explained starting to play his hand.
“So?” Sorlith replied still not showing any emotion.
“Really? Still denying the obvious. You own your own fortune telling business. Don’t tell me you don’t at least keep an eye on your daughter and the boy-who-lived? You weren’t particularly interested in this were you,” Boris pulled out a wad of papers from the briefcase he was carrying and walked over to the counter before slamming them down upon it. “What you truly wanted to know is just where He Who Shall Not Be Named is in the school and whether he poses any further threat to your daughter. Am I right?”
Sorlith held Boris’ gaze for a moment before lowering his head in defeat. Letting out a heavy sigh he replied in a voice barely above a whisper, “I see you have been talking to Dumbledore. Yes, the stars have been clear for a while now.”
“You also knew your daughter was going to suffer an accident, didn’t you?” Boris growled.
“Yes, but there was little I could do to intervene. The stars were very clear that any interference could have been catastrophic,” Sorlith ground out once more barely above a whisper. “I’ve blamed myself every day since for what happened.”
“And you want revenge against the one who stabbed her to try and make up for it in some way, correct,” Boris deadpanned.
“Yes,” Sorlith snorted, not bothering to hide his anger. “That bastard nearly killed my daughter and permanently disfigured her. Of course I want to grind his face across a stone wall before trampling over it.”
“And yet you know that that won’t change what has come to pass and could also significantly and permanently alter the future?” Boris continued calmly.
“Yes, but there is only so much one can take before they have to take action themselves and it would at least make me feel better knowing that that despicable piece of shit can hurt no one else.”
“For how long? Until your wife and daughter hear or see what you’ve done? Until they cart you of to Azkaban for your crime or worse?” Boris went on calmly.
“And what would you have me do instead? Wait until they actually succeed at killing someone?” Sorlith growled angrily.
“Dumbledore assures me he has the situation under control,” Boris said flatly.
Sorlith lifted his head and glowered angrily once more at his guest. “What, by nearly getting students killed? My daughter has told me about the troll at Halloween, Harry nearly getting thrown of his broom during a quidditch match, the Pegasus girl who lost her arm and nearly died during another quidditch match and finally my own daughter getting fucking stabbed. How many more will need to suffer before the traitor within the school is dealt with?”
“I understand your frustration and anger, but I can promise you that before the end of the term the traitor shall be dealt with and Dumbledore has assigned Snape to keep an eye on Quirrell at all times outside of classes,” Boris replied trying to calm the furious centaur in front of him.
“Quirrell? that buffoon is the cause of all of this?” Sorlith responded, his anger suddenly turning to surprise and confusion.
Boris suddenly realised what he’d let slip. With a sigh he admitted, “Yes, and I’ve been authorised by Dumbledore to let you know that and more if you’ll just cooperate for the time being. The timeline is fragile enough after those three girls appeared from another realm at the start of the year.”
“I’m listening,” Sorlith said crossing his arms over his chest.
“Dumbledore has known ever since Quirrell returned from his sabbatical that something was up and soon realised he was working on helping the Dark Lord return after the break in at Gringotts,” Boris began.
“That was Quirrell?” Sorlith questioned.
“Yes, and after that failed attempt Voldemort possessed him to keep a closer watch over his actions in future,” Boris continued.
“That explains the unicorns. His body must be weakening drastically from hosting another’s soul,” Sorlith interrupted. “So, what’s he after?”
“The Philosopher’s Stone,” Boris deadpanned.
Sorlith’s eyes widened.
“Yes, the only one currently known to exist and if Dumbledore hadn’t got Hagrid to remove it from Gringotts when he did so they could hide it safely under the school,”
“The Dark Lord would already have returned,” Sorlith finished what Boris had started to say before shuddering uncontrollably at the mere thought of such a world.
“Exactly. Instead, Dumbledore with Snape’s help has been keeping a close eye on Quirrell all year. That first quidditch match, it was only due to Snape’s counter curse that Harry wasn’t thrown from his broom. The second, completely impossible to know what Quirrell had done. Your daughter, sorry to say this, but simply collateral damage in preparing Harry Potter for the final showdown at the end of the year.”
Sorlith’s head lowered in defeat once more. “I see. It is nice to see things a bit more clearly, even if it is not what I want to hear. Thank you for the information. I will not proceed in using it for now, but be warned, if Quirrell is not dealt with by the end of the school year, I shall deal with him myself.”
“Perfectly fine and understandable. What we both need right now though is your understanding and co-operation, so if you could just sign this letter it would make things a lot easier as if my boss was to find out everything that had actually gone on this year, well let me just say that the likely replacement for Dumbledore would be the Minister’s Senior Undersecretary,” Boris explained.
“WHAT! That ignorant bitch. No way will I ever let her near the school while my daughter’s studying there,” Sorlith said with unhidden contempt as he picked up his reading glasses, took the letter from Boris and read over it.
I, Sorlith Song, do hereby agree that the following is fair recompense for the unfortunate injuries my daughter has suffered whilst at Hogwarts:
1. In light of the safety of the school:
- A full safety inspection has been conducted and I am satisfied with the findings that reveal that the school meets the highest possible safety standards set by the Ministry of Magic.
2. In reference to my daughter’s school fees:
- Melody Song shall be awarded a full scholarship because of the injuries she’s suffered.
- Furthermore, the Ministry will assist in helping with the financial burden that any school supplies may have in future upon Miss Melody Song and her family.
3. In reference to inclusivity at the school:
- A mandatory one-year course shall be taught to all second years starting next September entitled Cultural Diversity and Inclusivity in the Magical World that shall be taught by Mr Boris Pompernickle.
- To be invited to chair the Board of Governors.
- A new scholarship and bursary scheme for one underprivileged and minority races and species student attending Hogwarts each year to be named after your daughter.
- Finally, we at Hogwarts shall be updating our Code of Conduct and reminding students that any discrimination in any shape or form shall not be tolerated and result in their immediate expulsion.
Signature:
“So, this’ll mean my daughter doesn’t have to pay back any of the fees of her magical education?” Sorlith asked Boris as he removed his glasses.
“Yes, and she’ll also receive Ministry assistance for her final two years of education in relation to helping her pay for her school supplies,” Boris replied.
“All I needed to hear,” Sorlith said with a smile as he picked up a pen and signed the parchment before handing it back to Boris.
“Perfect,” Boris responded with a smile as he duplicated the letter and handed a copy back to Sorlith. “Of course, you’ve my actual inspection report on your counter there. The Ministry will be receiving a slightly altered version obviously so for both our benefits I suggest you keep it,” Boris never finished as Sorlith picked up the inspection report and tore it in two.
“Be a shame if this suddenly burst into flames?”
Boris smiled again while pulling out his wand. “Incendio,” he cast, the inspection report going up in flames.
*
Ravenclaw Dorms, 14:00
Joanne MacGyver awakened with a mighty headache and was welcomed back to the world of the living once more with a giggle from the end of her bed.
“Eugh, what time is it?” she groaned trying to remember just what happened last night.
“14:00, Professor Discord brought you back here a few hours ago. You’ve been asleep ever since. Must have been some party, Dumbledore cancelled all of todays lessons because of it,” Elora Dunn, assistant editor of the school’s newspaper and her best friend said from the end of her bed.
Joanne paused for a moment trying to recollect just what had gone on the night before. After going to bed though at ten after countless hours of revision in her house’s Common Room she couldn’t remember anything, weird.
“I honestly wouldn’t know. I don’t seem to be able to remember anything after going to bed last night,” she said in a concerned tone.
“Wow, really? Then you don’t remember receiving your new hairdo? I’ve already tried regrowing it, but it is seriously strong magic. Afraid you’re just going to have to wait till it grows back,” Elora replied sheepishly.
Joanne’s eyes shot open and she grabbed the pocket mirror of the chest of drawers next to her bed. Her dark black nearly knee length locks that she hadn’t had cut since she was four were gone. She was completely bald and even her eyebrows were gone.
Joanne screamed.
Wing Residence, Hertford, Hertfordshire, 16:00
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Wing,
I am sorry to report that your daughter, Abigail, has been involved in a minor magical accident here at Hogwarts. Thankfully, she is not hurt and has not suffered any injury or ill effects from said accident. She has though grown a pair of wings, which you can see in the pictures included. Although this is an easily remedied problem for any of the highly trained mages here at Hogwarts, your daughter has expressed a strong desire in retaining them and as such we are unable to go against her wishes and proceed with the procedure. I understand that this will come as a shock to you and if you wish, as her legal guardians we can remove the wings under your instructions, but I will reiterate that your daughter does not wish to lose them and by authorising said removal you may end up damaging your relationship with her. I can assure you that the wings are 100% natural and healthy and your daughter will be assisted in their upkeep by another Pegasus girl we have currently attending the school. I’d like to finish by saying that once again, we at Hogwarts are extremely sorry for what has occurred and will do whatever we can to remedy the situation for you,
Madam Poppy Pomfrey, Hogwarts School Matron
Beatrix Wing read the letter with her mouth open wide while staring transfixed at the photos that had been included. Although she wanted to then and there tell the school to remove said abominations, she’d also never before seen her daughter so happy. Abigail had never had it easy being mute from the day she was born and had often been picked on and bullied in primary school. Things had got a lot better since they’d had the shock of finding out magic was real and their daughter was actually a witch who had now come of age and needed to attend magic school in the Scottish Highlands. Even despite this though her daughter had still remained a bit of a recluse and never truly discussed her schooling or how things were really going in the letters she’d sent them by owl. Most simply stated the same old thing, everything is going well, looking forward to seeing you soon for the holidays, Abigail. She never mentioned friends, teachers, her school work or anything in detail now that she thought about it and then there was the one thing her daughter had wanted more than anything ever since she’d started at Hogwarts, her own broomstick. This was something that was way more than their finances could realistically afford. She’d pestered them for countless Christmases and birthdays now to no avail. Could she really rob her daughter of the one thing she had wanted more than anything the past four years, to be able to fly. No, she couldn’t. She’d been so occupied by her thoughts that she didn’t hear the front door open to their modest semi-detached home until Stanley was literally upon her.
“And what, might I ask, has caught my wife’s attention?” he asked as he entered the kitchen where she stood still transfixed by the letter she had received. “Is that another letter from Abigail, how she’s getting on?”
“No, it’s from the school nurse, there’s been an accident,” was all Beatrix managed to say in reply.
Stanley rushed over and grabbed the letter before quickly scanning over it. He laughed, he actually laughed upon finishing it.
“Well, I suppose it makes sense for someone who has Wing for a surname to have a pair of wings. Now, where are these photos,” he said before snatching said photos out of his wife’s hands before she could stop him. “Beautiful, simply beautiful. I’ve never seen her so happy,” he said in a voice barely above a whisper as a tear slipped down his cheek. “She’ll have to hide them when she’s home for the holidays though.”
“You want her to keep them? Don’t you think people will label her as even more of a freak?” Beatrix blurted out what she feared the most before she could stop herself.
Stanley glowered at his wife. “Don’t you ever call our daughter that again,” he said in a cold tone before taking a deep breath. “She’s unique and that’s what makes her perfect in every way. Now she’s just even more perfect.”
“I’m sorry, but you are right. No matter what she chooses, she’ll always be our perfect little girl and that’s all that matters,” Beatrix replied as she picked up the pen of the kitchen table and wrote on the piece of paper she’d left there one simple sentence.
Whatever path our daughter chooses, she’ll always have our support no matter what,
Mr. and Mrs. Wing.
The Great Hall, Hogwarts, Scottish Highlands, 17:30
By the time dinner time rolled around most of the chaos and carnage from the celebrations the night before had been resolved. The Hufflepuff Common Room had been tidied and returned to normal and the magical fire put out, Pinkie, Berry, Vinyl and Octavia had finally returned to Equestria and Fluffy had reluctantly been coaxed back to his post by Maddie and the damage he’d inflicted upon the castle had been fixed by a number of the professors. The girl herself, along with Hannah and Susan, had surprisingly not been reprimanded by Professor McGonagall for the destruction they’d caused with the mighty beast as long as they didn’t speak about what had happened last night to anyone. This was more than likely due to the professor’s involvement in their late-night antics, not that they could clearly remember much of what had transpired. Scootaloo had also not been punished for her actions the night before either, most likely because Professor Sprout was nursing the biggest hangover ever and still had an icepack on her head while Discord sat next to her at the teacher’s table drinking coffee wearing the most garish pair of sunglasses on imaginable. Dinner for the most part was a quiet affair, the majority of Hufflepuffs looking like reanimated corpses due to sickness, too much alcohol, magical backlash, the lingering taste of Snape’s vile hangover tonic or some kind of combination of the four. The only time when they came to life was when the hall erupted into cheers and whistles as Joanne MacGyver bravely walked in with a completely shaved head, much to the poor girl’s embarrassment.
The only Hufflepuffs who looked even remotely cheerful were firstly Abigail who, when not devouring her dinner, spent most her time hugging either Sweetie Belle or Melody for the wings they’d given her. Melody had also received a letter from her father’s owl that had surprised and shocked her somewhat. Thankfully it had been a rather nice and welcome surprise. Maybe next year she wouldn’t require hand me down falling apart and out of date textbooks, if she passed her O.W.Ls that was. The only other Hufflepuff who seemed totally fine, despite the strange looks she was getting from one or two of her fellow students, was Apple Bloom, the thestral still refusing to leave her side. Where it had come from was still a mystery. It also seemed particularly interested in Sweetie Belle for some reason to and constantly nudged the poor girl trying to gain her attention, despite the fact she couldn’t actually see him.
“Will you quit that. You‘re worse than Abigail” Sweetie groaned before turning and puking up most her dinner in the bucket beside her. “I’m never drinking or using so much magic at once,” she moaned as her invisible poking stick continued its attack. “I said knock it off,” she growled threateningly starting to ignite her horn before stopping instantly as blood started to drip out her nose. “Shit,” she moaned before slamming her head down upon the table, “can this day get any worse?”
The thestral continued to pester the poor girl as the sound of footsteps slowly got louder before stopping at the table.
“Who’s there?” Sweetie moaned not bothering to lift her head of the table.
“Hi professor, what can we do for you?” Scootaloo’s voice reverberated around Sweetie’s brain excruciatingly painfully.
“Hello girls,” it was Professor McGonagall’s voice that replied. “I’m sorry to intrude, but have any of you seen Neville? Harry and Ronald just informed me he wasn’t in his bed this morning and none of my first years have seen him all day.”
“Hmm, can’t say we,” Scootaloo stopped mid-sentence as the thestral started dancing crazily around Professor McGonagall. A hazy memory suddenly popped into her mind. Her face started to take on an exceedingly guilty expression.
Apple Bloom’s face was starting to mimic her hair.
“Shit, fucking shit,” Sweetie groaned.
Gryffindor Dormitory, Sunday 17th May, 23:00
Aside from studying, quidditch, exploring the castle and a few extracurricular activities at Hogwarts, there was actually very little for the students to do outside of classes, especially in the less frenetic autumn term. One game one bright student had come up with was called jinx, hex, curse, whereby students would sit round a table and throw around three names before deciding who they’d do what to and why. For example, for some reason using the Imperious Curse on Professor Snape was the most popular choice whereas nobody seemed to want to cause Professor Sprout any harm at all. She would usually end up suffering from something stupid like the leek or jelly-legs jinx. Why on Earth you might be wondering right now has this section of the chapter begun in such a strange manner? Well, you see, poor Neville’s night was like some bizarre alternate form of this game, but Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
Late last night Neville had awoken needing the toilet only to hear some rather loud thumping noises coming from somewhere within the Gryffindor chambers. Now he’d never been one of the bravest souls around and if he hadn’t still been so angry at his housemate for leading him on a wild goose chase and causing him to lose his house fifty points along with nearly being eaten by an acromantula, he’d have woken up Harry then and there. He honestly wished he had or just ignored the noise and gone back to bed. Instead, he had taken a deep breath and taking a candle in his hand had gone down to the common room. As he had reached it a most peculiar sight had greeted him.
“Hermione? Scootaloo? What’s going on? Why are you climbing out that window?”
“Oh ‘hic’ shit,” Scootaloo chuckled wobbling slightly. “Busted.”
“Not ‘hic’ yet” Hermione replied swigging some clear liquid from a bottle. “Petrificus Totalus.”
Neville froze completely paralysed and unable to move anything aside from his eyes.
“What ‘hic’ did you do to him?” Scootaloo asked her girlfriend.
“Just the Full Body-Bind Curse. I’ll let him free once we get to the Hufflepuff dorm.” Hermione took a large swig from the bottle. “God this is good. Where’d you get it and what is it?”
“Hagrid ‘hic’ and no idea. He initially poured a whole bottle into the punch bowl without anyone noticing and then after a while just started handing them out to everyone,” Scootaloo said. “Now grab him and let’s be on our way. I want to get back to the party.”
Number One: Kidnap
Neville wouldn’t deny he is pretty much scared of everything, but the flight down was frightening on another level. Hermione dropped his paralysed form no fewer than six times. Thankfully she caught him five times and the sixth happened to be just as they were coming in for a rather bumpy crash landing.
He had then had his now somewhat bruised body rather roughly pushed through a tiny window before being carried to the Hufflepuff common room, which had been turned into some form of disco with what looked like two ponies behind a turntable at the far end of the room.
“Hey Scootaloo ‘hic’ where’d you go? Ooh I see you went and brought me a present,” Apple Bloom stated walking rather unsteadily over to the group.
Neville’s eyes had gone wide as the girl’s lips locked onto his.
Number 2: Kiss
“Ooooooh, get a room you two,” Hermione tittered taking a final swig from the bottle before realising it was empty. “Any more of this stuff, we seem to be out?”
“Yeah, Hagrid brought around hundred bottles or more. They are by the table over there.” Scootaloo pointed to a stack of crates next to a buffet table. “There’s also a ton of wine from a friend Pinkie brought along with her and she herself brought a whole assortment of unlabelled bottles.”
Hermione’s eyes lit up. “Oh, but before I go,” She brought her wand out again “Reparifors.”
Neville felt his arms and legs once more, along with Apple Bloom’s tongue which was still exploring his mouth.
“You go girl, get in there Apple Bloom! Ten points to Gryffindor cause why the fuck not.” Neville heard an oh to familiar voice from across the room which was followed by another.
“My word, I never thought Longbottom would be the first to show an interest in girls. Ten points to Hufflepuff for putting up with him.”
Neville’s eyes somehow managed to go even wider as they locked onto the heads of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor dancing like complete buffoons a third of their ages atop a table with a mulberry-coloured pony. Professor Sprout had a lampshade atop her head while a poor bemused and befuddled Mrs Norris sat atop professor McGonagall’s. It was at that moment Neville knew no one was going to save him and for the first time in his life decided to ignore everything his gran had taught him. He wrapped his hands around Apple Bloom’s head and returned the gesture. For two whole minutes he was actually happy for once as there they stayed locked in each other’s warm embrace.
That was until a jealous and drunk Sweetie Belle had transfigured him into a thestral.
Number 3: Transfigure
“Sweetie, whyyy!” Apple Bloom whined.
Sweetie just shrugged her shoulders and stumbled away to go speak to Melody who was deep in discussion with Abigail.
“Ooh, actually, ‘hic’, I kinda like you like this,” She said dreamily snuggling up to Neville in his new pony like form.
After going to bed at 21:00 sharp, the last thing he’d expected was to be kidnapped by Scootaloo, kissed by Apple Bloom and transfigured into a thestral by Sweetie Belle. And the night had only just begun. He trotted over to where Scootaloo and Hermione had gone to fetch more drinks and where Scootaloo’s parrot was seemingly downing shot after shot of something using his one good foot in-between muttering every curse under the sun.
“GAH,” Scootaloo cried in surprise at the gaunt black pony like creature as it dipped its head into a crate, pulled the lid of a drink with its mouth and then picked it up with said mouth and downed it in one. “What the heck is that thing?”
“What thing?” Hermione said puzzled next to her girlfriend looking everywhere.
“Neville,” Apple Bloom deadpanned before eliciting another hiccup. “Sweetie Belle transfigured him into it. Think the bitch was jealous. Still, I think he looks cute. Who’s my brave strong horsie worsie, yes you are,”
Neville jumped up and down and brayed in delight whilst doing a bizarre little dance as Apple Bloom scratched under his chin.
Scootaloo stared at the bottle of alcohol she was drinking before muttering, “what the fuck did Hagrid put in this shit?”
“Oh, does my terror of the night want to dance? Come on then."
Apple Bloom pulled thestral Neville into the middle of the dance floor where they somehow started to perform a beautiful waltz to dubstep.
“Fuck yeah. Someone brought a thestral!” McGonagall screamed in delight.
“And this is why I stopped drinking,” Scootaloo sighed wondering if she should toss her bottle away then and there.
“Oh, lighten up and let’s join them. The night’s still young!” Hermione screamed pulling her girlfriend from the buffet table onto the dance floor.
And that’s pretty much the story of how the game kidnap, kiss, transfigure was born at Hogwarts. As for how the night proceeded from there, that is a closely guarded secret by everyone in attendance, well, those moments which they could remember that is.
*
The Great Hall, 17:50
“Can you please repeat that,” Professor McGonagall forced out fearing the headache she’d fought all day to get rid of was returning.
“I kinda might have kidnapped Neville after he caught me and Hermione sneaking out the Gryffindor tower,” Scootaloo admitted sheepishly once more.
“And then I got jealous of him kissing Apple Bloom because I was drunk and may have turned him into a thestral,” Sweetie groaned barely audible, her head still stuck to the table.
Apple Bloom was trying to hide under said table in embarrassment. “Please, not so loud,” she whined.
Professor McGonagall closed her eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Detention for the next three weeks for all three of you,” she said trying to keep her voice calm.
“Aw c’mon,” Sweetie groaned before throwing up once more into the conveniently placed bucket.
“Four weeks for you then Miss Belle,” was all Professor McGonagall said in reply as she pulled out her wand and returned Neville to his rightful form. Unfortunately for the poor boy, his clothes did not return.
Scootaloo cupped a hand over her mouth trying to stifle a giggle as the whole hall suddenly burst into laughter aside from Sweetie, who had her head in her hands trying not to think about the four weeks of upcoming detention that were only adding to her headache, and Apple Bloom.
“What’s so funny?” the latter chorused, peeking her head out from under the table and going bright red once more at what she saw.
“Like what you see do we?” Scootaloo teased. “Apple Bloom and Neville sitting in a tree K-I-S-S” Scotaloo began before she found herself lifted from her seat.
“One more word, try me.” Apple Bloom growled to her friend in a deadly serious tone.
“As you wish,” Scootaloo replied before puckering her lips and making kissing motions. “Oh Neville,” she started to say mockingly before Apple Bloom slammed her through the table, Sweetie having to take evasive action to avoid becoming collateral damage.
The laughter around the table stopped and the first years all stared at Apple Bloom.
“Totally worth it,” Scootaloo’s voice wheezed in amongst a pile of broken wood and assorted food items.
“Could you warn me the next time you do something like that,” Sweetie groaned slumping her head down onto the wooden bench she was sitting on instead.
“I did,” Apple Bloom deadpanned as she walked over to Neville while pulling her robes off and putting them around the poor embarrassed boy who was nearly in tears. “C’mon, Neville lets get you back to your dorm.”
“K-I-S-S-I-N” Scootaloo’s voice echoed from the rubble once more.
Before Apple Bloom could retaliate McGonagall’s voice barked, “Detention for the both of you until the end of term and ten points from Hufflepuff for destruction of school property.”
“Shit,” Scootaloo’s voice reverberated from the rubble before her ankle bracelet sent an electric shock coursing through her body. “YOWCH,” she squealed before adding, “Okay, that’s new.”
Meanwhile, Apple Bloom just shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll spend it helping Snape in the Potions lab,” was all she said in reply to McGonagall’s judgement while slowly helping the bemused and confused Neville from the Great Hall to a round of laughter, cat calls and wolf whistles. “AND ONE MORE NOISE FROM ANY OF YOU AND I’LL THROW YOU ALL ONE BY ONE INTO THE LAKE!” she snarled turning and glowering at her fellow students, her eyes fiery pools of fury.
The hall fell deathly silent as Apple Bloom slammed the great door behind her and Neville so hard it fell into a pile of nothing more than firewood.
For once Professor McGonagall was left utterly speechless at what had just transpired.
*
Gryffindor Dorm, 18:10
Apple Bloom and Neville paused outside the picture of the Fat Lady.
“So,” Apple Bloom stuttered nervously, “put it in with your washing and hand it back to me in one of our classes later this week.”
“Erm, yeah, will do,” Neville blushed, equally nervous.
“Oh, sod it,” Apple Bloom replied, grabbing Neville by the scruff of his neck and pulling him in for a kiss.
Similar to last night, Neville’s eyes went wide before Apple Bloom released him and pushed him back.
Wiping her lips, Apple Bloom smiled and giggled at the boys startled face. “Sorry, but as my sister always says, honesty is the best policy. I like you Neville, you’re cute, funny, a little silly, have a great personality and enjoy the same things I do. Yeah, maybe I’m still a bit young for a boyfriend and Applejack and Big Mac would probably kill me right now for what I’ve done over the past twenty-four hours, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Sorry, I’m rambling,” she finished with yet another giggle her face went as red as her hair once more.
Neville stared at her his mouth agape utterly speechless. He’d never really had any friends growing up, his grandmother had home schooled him and even now after nearly a whole year at Hogwarts he wouldn’t say he had made any true friends. He was like the extra, simply there to make up the numbers when needed, often it seemed for comic relief and to play the part of the fool. But then there was this strange girl with ridiculous strength from another dimension who, for some bizarre reason or another, actively wanted to spend time with him. Neville realised then and there that it wasn’t the quantity of friends that mattered, but the quality.
“Earth to Neville,” Apple Bloom said followed by another giggled. “So, what you say, like to be my boyfriend?”
“S-s-sure,” Neville stammered, a giddy smile gracing his lips. “I’d like that, I’d like that a lot.”
“Great, I’ll see you in History tomorrow,” Apple Bloom replied with a warm smile of her own before giving the shell-shocked Neville another kiss, this time on his cheek. She then started to skip merrily off down the hall back towards her own common room, before stopping suddenly and turning back to Neville. “Oh, and Neville, one more thing. Let’s just keep this between us for now, I really don’t want to send Scootaloo through another table,” she tittered not waiting for a reply as she continued skipping her way back to her own common room
Neville audibly gulped, a mixture of emotions flooding through him. On the plus side he had his first true friend, on the downside she was also the strongest twelve year in the world and there was no knowing what she might do to him if he ever let her down or, in the immediate future, what her family might do to him when they found out she had a boyfriend. Then there was also his grandma to think about and what she would say on the matter. Neville gulped once more, just what had he let himself in for!
*
Gethsemane Prickle’s Office, Ministry of Magic, 20:00
Despite there being a number of unfortunate accidents this year, most of these were nothing more than harmless pranks and kids being kids. From my intense in-depth inspection, I can confirm the school remains one of the safest havens in wizarding Britain and I’m sure you’ll make the same judgement from the attached report. This report has also been looked over and satisfied the concerns of Mr Song as can be found in the attached letter. Furthermore, after any serious accidents rigorous checks and safety inspections have been carried out to avoid any possible future occurrences of similar accidents, such as no longer sending students into the Forbidden Forest for detention. Dumbledore has though admitted the school’s failings in teaching the students about inclusivity and a new one-year course in students second years on said subject shall be introduced from next year. Dumbledore has personally hired me to oversee said course and with twenty years of experience in such a role, I hope I can live up to his expectations. Obviously, this will sadly mean I shall be leaving my post at the Ministry at the end of June to have adequate time to prepare for my new role. I’d just like to finish by saying it has been an honour working for the Ministry for more than thirty odd years, but that I am looking forward to my new challenge and a fresh start,
Boris Pompernickle, Head of Centaur Liaison for the Ministry of Magic
Sitting behind her desk in her office, Gethsemane Prickle looked over the note, report and signed letter in her hand for the umpteenth time before letting out a huge sigh. It was clear in her eyes that Dumbledore had gotten to Boris and coaxed him around, possibly bribing him with a cushty, pretty easy job that even he couldn’t mess up to badly. There was no way from what she had heard that that girl had lost her arm due to a freak quidditch accident that had resulted in numerous rigorous safety checks to be carried out and implemented before further quidditch matches were conducted. It also seemed like Dumbledore or Boris had managed to persuade the centaur into their line of thinking as well, probably through promising his daughter a full scholarship and future funding for her advanced studies. Sadly, she had no proof of this and as such had to take Boris’s word for it. She’d also not have any chance to pressurise Boris as he had amazingly accrued a rather substantial amount of excess holiday that he had yet to use and would not be returning back to his office before he left for his new post. As she pondered just what her next steps would be that inevitable knock she’d been expecting sounded upon her door.
“Come in,” she called not looking up from the paperwork Boris had sent her.
A middle-aged woman in garish pink clothing entered.
“Ah, I see you have already received the report. Maybe this Pompernickle character isn’t as incompetent as you were telling me,” Dolores Umbridge said walking over to Prickle’s desk.
“No, but it also seems like his allegiance to Dumbledore is worth more. His whole report stinks of a cover up and there is nothing we can use from it against Dumbledore to force him from his position,” Prickle explained.
“I see; well it looks like I’ll have to have a little chat with Mr Pompernickle to explain how the Ministry are only trying to do what’s best for the children attending Hogwarts and that if he knows of any reason that their safety might be being compromised in anyway, he should inform me or the Minister directly at once,” Umbridge cooed in a sickly-sweet voice.
“Afraid you won’t be able to. The mages in admin seem to be even more incompetent than him. He hasn’t had a day of holiday ever since his second divorce five years ago, even working every Christmas day in that period. He’s taking six weeks off immediately and then starting at his new post at Hogwarts teaching Cultural Diversity and Inclusivity in the Magical World,” Prickle deadpanned.
“What?” Umbridge exclaimed barely holding back her anger as she took a deep breath. She knew she had to be careful with what she said. “So be it. At least I know where his replacement shall be coming from,” she finally said in her sickly-sweet voice. “Thank you for all your hard work Gethsemane and don’t you worry, sooner or later Dumbledore will slip up and the Ministry will regain control of Hogwarts, I can promise you that. Enjoy your evening.” She turned and left without another word.
So, by popular demand we have a Hangover style bumper chapter to begin the new year looking at what our Hufflepuff quidditch players got up to last night and to make up for me taking time off over the holiday period. I'm hopeful to have book one done by February latest, just exams, the final confrontation and aftermath, exam results, end of term feast and house cup and goodbyes to go now, bar for any other extras you want. A quick breakdown of the rules the Hufflepuffs broke last night,
- Underage drinking
- Irresponsible use of magic whilst drunk
- 2/3 kidnappings?
- Releasing a dangerous creature upon the school
- Destruction of school property
- Ponies
- Flying while under the influence
- Discord, just Discord
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An incompetent with messy blonde hair named Boris?
Subtle.
10610418
, well that didn't take long.
LONG
But totally worth it, that was hilarious. And yay! My character gets a scholarship. Though Umbridge seems like foreshadowing for something bad, I hope they can handle it
What a great way to start the year! Thanks1
10610448
Long to make up for me taking Xmas off. I would I have broken it down if I could but that would have probably been even more messy as I'd have to put everyone's bits into separate chapters. Thanks for the positive response!
10610453
No problem, enjoy!
10610464
Understandable, it does work better all as one, and no problem!
I love this chapter. Just so much amazing stuff that happens here.
I would love to be in Abigails shoes right now.
While I don't know what tribe Nevile was as they had that lesson in the Discord tower, I am quite certain it wasn't a Thestral. Did the transfiguration affect his tribe permanently and he will from now on transform into a Thestral again or was it a one time thing.
Why I am not even surprised that Vinyl and Berry where there as well, and of course Vinyl wouldn't go without his marefriend
10610480
Thanks for the positive response. This chapter was lot more troublesome than I initially thought, mainly due to me taking a week off during the middle of it. So glad it seems to be receiving positive reaction and you like Abigail's side story.
Neville is an Earth Pony through and through, Sweetie was just drunk, jealous and had absolutely no clue what she was doing. Why a thestral was the first thing that came to her mind to transform him into I have no clue. He'll always be an Earth Pony in pony form due to his particular strength of Herbology.
Poor Octavia.
Go Neville
What a nice chapter to almost end/start the new year on. I see Umbridge is trying to start early with her speciesist death eater canon role.
10610556
Of course, thought I'd throw her in for a cameo of things to come in a few years time.
Can you actually hold Discord against Hufflepuff
10610427
I dont get it.
10610480
Venyl is a girl.
10610592
🤔🤔 not shure.
10610597
10610597
Boris Pompernickle, incompetent, blonde scraggly hair, early fifties, ring a bell with a certain current UK politician?
It's also spelled Vinyl, lol.
10610592
Unsure what you mean exactly.
10610703
Nope, not one.
And f*** my dyslexia.
10610703 Simple can you hold what Discord does or doesn't do against Hufflepuff. While some might love that not sure it won;t backfire on them. Just as I'm sure attempting to take over Hogwarts is going to backfire on the ministry of Magic especially the pink troll and I am looking forward to it
10610838
Me too. 😈
Confused pureblood hissing,:
In all seriousness, I didn't take for Applebloom to have a crush on Neville
Dear Discord,
For the sake of your daughter's well being, as well as that of the wizarding world, please attempt to make Dolores Umbridge see that being a Blood Purist is a totally outmoded concept. If that doesn't work, send her on a LONG holiday. Or, since Umbridge does like pink, give her the Pink. A baddie like Umbridge, subjected to Pinkie, will either turn good or go completely insane. ;)
10610838
By this point Discord is like Professor Sprout's understudy and second in command of Hufflepuff. Welcome to the house of Chaos. Still unlikely the Ministry will take over till book 5, and that is going to take years to get to!
10611628
To be fair there have been hints, most notoriously Valentines day and the whole Pony potions lesson but it wasn't something I was planning on expanding for a while, year 3?, a slow burner kind of thing, but then came the Hufflepuff madness of last night. Still, it will develop a lot slower than Scoots and Hermione's.
10611726
Well that's an idea for book 5.
This made me ugly laugh at the event in this.
Reread the chapter two times and I am calling it now, Sweetie will fall in love with a Night Guard and marry him or join a herd of Thestrals. Depending on the society being poligamus or monogamus. After all, she just reveald her secret fetish.
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Sweetie: Oh come on, I was drunk and that's the first creature that came to mind.
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That's when we have our best ideas.
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True, although I'm sure Discord will have his say on them having anymore alcohol, about halfway through nearly the next chapter!
You know, Ministry of Image publishes MLP fanfiction stories. I do hope you would consider publishing this wonderful story. I'd be the first one in line to buy!
Dreadnought
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Understandable, but we have to remember this is fanfiction and has some areas heavily linked to the original story. It could possibly happen if not for profit so who knows, but for now I'm just happy to keep on writing. The first few chapters would definitely need a re-write to. As the story has progressed I've realised just how rushed that first paragraph in particular is.
This is a shark. This is the story jumping the shark.
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Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.