Why The Hell Is This Here?
When the diarchs of Equestria sat down for a mid-morning brunch the day after their new advisors had met the Stallion who was responsible for the Royal Guard as a whole, they did not expect to find one sheathing with anger, another nearly dumbfounded, and the third one simply confused out of his mind so soon. Granted, they both did expect a reaction coming from all 3 of them, but not something as explosive as this. During the nearly 30 minute long tirade of Patton stating blunt facts, Bradley outlining the major problems with a cooler tone, and Eisenhower simply trying to be as diplomatic as he could physically and mentally could after the shitty display of an army he had seen, the two princesses noticed that Shining Armor and another guard had tagged along with the group of humans and noted their albeit surprised but also somewhat scared expressions on their faces. It was clear that they didn't know that this was that bad.
Finally after they seemed to cool down, Patton left a few minutes earlier for what he called "a medicinal pick-me-up" while Bradley and Eisenhower stayed for a few moments before joining Patton, taking a large amount of serious documents with them... leaving the two Royal Guard officers standing there alone in silence. That silence was only broken when Celestia offered them a bite to eat. After a few minutes of silent eating, Shining Armor decided to break the silence.
"Princesses... was the budget cut that much?" He asked before taking a bite into his salad.
"Yes... it was. Though we did not did not know of it until now." Celestia admitted with a frown on her face.
"How could that happen? When I left, we had nearly 8 million bits in surplus and now the Guard is running on just a little over 100 thousand bits in surplus due to the budget cuts? I don't get it." Now, it was Luna's turn to answer.
"My dear former Captain... it seems like my dear sister decided that it would be best that the military budget be left for the nobles and Guard Captains to decide with her end of the bargain being she gets to decided the annual castle bakery budget... needless to say... it was not her finest hour." Luna said as she gave her sister a glaring eye.
"So your saying... Mareclellan could've changed the budget but he either doesn't have the spine to do it or he is doing something else... this smells fishy." Shining observed.
"I wouldn't be surprised if it was the first one." Rapier said under his breath, earning a chuckle from Luna.
*** *** ***
"So... you two finally decided to join me eh?" Patton said, pulling out a glass of scotch he had brought with him.
"Georgie... there are points where I really want to strangle you but after this... I want to strangle that absolute idiot." Eisenhower said, sitting down in one of the chairs with a bag of documents in his hand.
"Whats in the bag Ike?" Patton said, ignoring the former president's threat.
"This bullcrap is apparently all the documents that have been signed off by our new favorite Captain..." he said, tossing his bag of documents on the table.
"Hey, watch it... I don't want to spill this drink, who knows when we will be able to get another good glass of scotch?" Patton said, pushing the bag off to the side.
"Well Georgie... put your scotch down then and help me pour over these documents... I want to see what the hell this guy has been signing off on." Bradley said.
"Oh... and while you have the scotch, pour us another drink... I think we'll need it for this mess." Eisenhower said, opening the first portfolio from the document pile.
"With pleasure..." Patton grumbled.
A Few Hours Later
"Brad, come over here." Eisenhower said, gesturing his hand towards Bradley.
"Yeah? What is it Ike." Bradley asked.
"You have any idea what this is supposed to be?" Eisenhower said, gesturing towards the document in his hand. Reading over it, Bradley could not come up with an answer as the general notion of it all puzzled him.
"I have no idea what the hell this shit is. Hey George, come take a look at this shit." Bradley said.
It only took a minute before Patton answered after reading over the document.
"That fucking pussy..." He said, grabbing the document out of Bradley's hand and walking out.
"George... GEORGE! What the hell was in that document?" Bradley said, following Patton out with Eisenhower following behind them.
"It appears our McClellan reincarnate has a subscription to a contraband magazine." Patton said, picking up his pace.
"What is that supposed to mean George?" Eisenhower asked.
"It means that we have a jackoff who can't get laid on our hands." Patton said with a straight face, walking out into main courtyard.
*** *** ***
The rest of the morning and early afternoon was quiet for Shining Armor. During the impromptu brunch session with the Princesses, Shining Armor was reinstated as temporary Captain of the Guard while everything was being sorted out. That was merely a few hours ago. Now, he was writing a letter to Cadence explaining the whole situation. It wasn't going to be censored but in case somepony decided to take a look at it, he decided to omit some items for the sake of the Guard's integrity. He was just about to sign off on it when somepony began to knock on the door. Opening the door, he found the 3 advisors standing outside.
"May we come in?" Eisenhower asked.
"Uh... sure. I must be honest, I didn't expect this." Shining said.
"No problem, this should be a quick one." Bradley said, walking through the doorway.
"Yeah, if we get some straight answers about this shit." Patton said, following in with a paper in his hand.
"What is that you got there?" Shining said, now aware of the paper.
"That... is what we are here to ask you about." Bradley said, leaning up against the wall.
"Well, lemme see it. If it came from the office, I might know what it is." Shining said. Immediately, Patton handed over the paper and let Shining read over it. It was not long before they got the answer they were looking for.
"This... this is a bucking porn subscription... what the buck?" Shining said.
"That is what I said when I saw that shit." Patton said, smirking.
"Do you know who ordered it? Eisenhower asked.
"I certain didn't. I am a married Stallion for Celestia's sake! Besides, this file was never in the budget when I ran things." Shining proclaimed.
"Easy there kid... we just needed to ask you that question. We'll be out of your ha... mane... now. Thanks." Patton said, before the 3 of them walked out.
*** *** ***
"So... you are already requesting another officer to join you? Why is that I might ask?" Luna said, sipping her tea while talking with Eisenhower.
"Granted, I could look through a bunch of this administrative stuff myself but right now, I gotta go handle some other nonsense tomorrow when me, Brad, and Georgie go visit the training grounds." Eisenhower admitted.
"Alright, do you have anyp... anyone in mind?" Luna asked, curious at whoever Eisenhower would ask for.
"I really don't care... as long as I worked with them before. I'll go for anyone right now... hell, even Monty." Eisenhower said, visibly grimacing slightly at the thought of Montgomery.
"Alright, consider it handled." Luna said, shaking hoo... hands.... whatever it was... with Eisenhower before he left the room. As soon as he was gone, a certain few words went through Luna's head as she got out a piece of paper to write to Chuck.
Be careful what you wish for.
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This has the looks of the start of a really good story. Patton. Bradley. and Eisenhower the Generals.
Shining Armor as the Capt. all we need to really stir up things is R. Lee Ermey for drill Sgt.
10202996
Monty is coming up next.
... I .... don’t have a very good opinion of Monty (Market Garden, General pompishness, Dieppe(though that wasn’t really his fault)) tbh but I haven’t done enough reading of him to make a judgement. Not to say you are wrong, but I’m curious why Monty and not say I dunno. McArthur when you already have 3 US generals?
dude this story is an instant classic in my books
10203121
I wanted a relatively good staff officer from a different nation. Simple as that. If I wanted to add Doug, I would've needed an entirely different reason as well due to the fact of his planning before the invasion of the Philippines. If anything, I could've added Keitel as a staff officer but I am not in the mood to add German generals just yet, besides, Keitel was a lackey. Adding Monty adds to the banter and it is logical as well. Besides, who wouldn't want to see Ike try his best not to strangle both Patton and Montgomery at the same time with Bradley sitting on the side eating popcorn?
10203136
I aim to please the masses.
Soon...
10203395
HAHAHA!
TOO TRUE!
This is just terrific. :) Thanks for making my afternoon SOOO much better. XD
10203499
Good to hear mate!
Late to the game, but I would love to see the heart attack Patton would have if...
66.media.tumblr.com/b6846b953fc6a262d2ba99b41bb9205c/tumblr_p6783qdHQ91r3wshio4_500.gifv
Zhukov enters the game...
I can see it now, "Ah, comrade Patton, we missed you in Berlin..."
I really don't understand anything in this story. Eisenhower, Patton, who the frak is George?
I think GENERAL JACQUES ALFRED DEXTRAZE also known as “ mad Jim” would be An awesome pic one a Canada’s greatest soldiers!
10564503
George is Patton. His full name is George S Patton.
Eisenhower is Eisenhower.
The other is Bradley.
Monty is Montgomery.