Please, Not That Son of a Bitch
There were many things going on the 2nd night of the Advisor's tenure. Patton was about to have a brain aneurysm, Bradley was almost about ready to light a match and burn the whole entire farm of misuse of funds down to ashes, and Eisenhower.... Eisenhower was just simply sleeping. Or at least he was trying to sleep. He was thinking about two things at the moment specifically.
One: How the hell he was going to do this job without having to restrain Patton from strangling Mareclellan. Granted, he did have Bradley but that could only go so far since Patton at one point commanded Bradley and subjected the General to his command structure and style. It would only be a matter of time before Bradley would fall to the temptation as well.
Two: Who the hell was the Princess gonna send to help get paperwork sifted and sorted through. It was clear that it needed to be looked at by someone who knew their paperwork and Eisenhower could only hope and pray that the solution was found.
And then... as if God... well, Chuck heard his prayers, the door knocked and the voice of Luna came soon after.
"Hello? Your request has been fulfilled General." She said through the door.
Getting up from the bed, Eisenhower did not even have the chance to stand up before Patton had laid his hand on the door knob and open it up. Almost immediately, he closed the door as soon as he opened it, yelling out loud "Oh fuck no... I did NOT just see that fucking shit."
"What the hell George? You're gonna slam the door on the Princess like that?" Bradley said, getting up from his castle of files and opening the door, and almost immediately, slamming it shut. "On second thought... lets keep that shit closed." He said."
"You two dumbasses gonna tell me what is on the other side of that door or am I gonna have to go see for myself." Eisenhower asked, now out of the loop.
"Ike... if you open that door, you're gonna wanna strangle someone." Bradley warned, earning a somewhat exaggerated nod from Patton as well.
"Jesus Christ... if you two idiots are not gonna open the door, then I will." Eisenhower said, walking up to the door.
"I just remembered... I gotta take a shit." Patton suddenly said, rushing into the bathroom and quickly locking the door.
"Fucking Prima Donna." Eisenhower muttered under his breath as he watched Bradley also move to the bathroom door, pleading to Patton to let him in.
When he made it to the door, Eisenhower was about to open it when he stopped. He didn't know why he stopped, but it felt like the decision was going to mean either life or death for him. It probably wouldn't, but the feeling lingered. Slowly, he turned the handle and opened the door, revealing a sight he never wanted to see again. There before him... Bernard Montgomery stood in all his pompous glory, holding a suitcase of belongings, with Princess Luna behind him... snickering at the look on Eisenhower's face.
"Hello there Eisenhower... it has been quite a while, it is a pleasure to see you." Monty said, sticking his hand out for a handshake.
"L-l.... likewise Monty... care to uh... come in?" Eisenhower managed to spit out, shaking hands with Monty.
"Well, I have been waiting here for quite a while and nearly lost my head to the door twice... the invitation is rather late but of course, I would like to come in." Monty said.
There were only a few words going through Eisenhower's head when Montgomery entered the room after that statement... Here we go again.
*** *** ***
Over the course of the night while Monty was inside their room, speaking with his new company who (grudgingly) had to accept the fact that he was there with him, Luna could not help but laugh when she witnessed the interactions between the four.
Patton, in his own over-exaggerated way, kept having to pull off some of the worst fake smiles and laughs whenever Monty cracked up a joke. She could tell that it also was hurting Patton to do so as every time Montgomery would say something in his own fashion, the Patton would visibly tighten up slightly as he was clearly holding back the urge to either strangle Montgomery or probably jump out of one of the castle windows.
Eisenhower was visibly annoyed as he struggled to keep a straight, blank face. He tried to keep things as diplomatic as possible but as time dragged on, his demeanor changed as he visibly grew more tired and annoyed. This was made very apparent when he started making quick glances to Bradley and Patton, clearly asking for help. The only response he got was from Patton, who silently mouthed out "You're on your own".
Speaking of Bradley... he was more or less a mix of the two polar opposites. He was keeping quiet for the most part, but sometimes he would visibly cringe at whatever Monty said in regards to past operations and their own shortcomings. However, he kept his cool and didn't say anything, simply leaving the diplomacy to Eisenhower and the visible over-exaggerating to Patton.
As the night dragged on, the 3 "originals" slowly began to calm down but it wasn't exactly on their part. It was actually on Monty's part. As Eisenhower would later say when Montgomery had left to go visit the guard's staff office... it was like he was somewhat humbled and in check with himself for some reason. He really didn't brag about anything but instead... he was simply being observant of the past. He even got Patton to take the metaphorical earplugs out of his ears and listen in on what he had to say, allowing Luna to leave so that she wouldn't have to make sure that Montgomery wasn't killed on the spot with one of Patton's pistols. It actually became somewhat pleasant.
*** *** ***
The Next Morning...
"Alright so... you all know the drill, George and Brad, go to the training grounds and see what these putz's do to train their rear ends. Monty, I want you sifting through the guard's documents and administrative system, point out any and every god damn mistake you see... after witnessing the financial report yesterday, I need to know everything. You think you can do that?" Eisenhower asked.
"I managed the Imperial General Staff so this should be an easy task Eisenhower." Monty said, a smirk forming on his face.
"Great, how about you two?" Eisenhower asked, the question now directed towards Bradley and Patton. Before Bradley could answer, Patton spoke up with a question.
"Er... I got a question for you Ike." He asked.
"Spit it out George, the morning ain't young."
"Well... lets say hypothetically that these horses train their "guards" to be chicken shits... now, this is all hypothetical of course but, what if... I... gave them my own sense of training." Patton said, trying his best to make it all seem hypothetical.
"George... I'm gonna be frank. I think we all know that this horseshit you are gonna witness will probably be for chickenshits so you and Brad have the green-light to do whatever the hell you want... as long as their isn't any physical shit." Eisenhower said.
"To what extent would um... said physical shit be limited to?" Patton asked, clearly hinting that he probably would do something to most likely the drill instructor.
"Anything physical George... ESPECIALLY SLAPPING... I don't care if you curse the shit out of those idiots, just don't slap the drill instructor... please." Eisenhower said, clearly annoyed now.
"Alright, alright... it was hypothetical Ike... Jeez."
"Now... if everything clear?" Eisenhower asked for a final time, earning nods from all 3 of his subordinates. "Good... lets get this shit over with."
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This is great
May Big C have mercy on their souls
just from the title i can tell im go in to like this chapter
after reading
i was right i love this chapter
So wait? Was Montgomery as insufferable as Patton and Eisenhower claim him to be? Or it is the product of some rivalry?
10206334
No... Monty was very... very insufferable. To quote Churchill: "In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable."
10206388
So Montgomery was like the "useful idiot" in an office. Good at his job, bad at everything else.
Those four need MaAuliffe as a field commander to finish the set :P
10206334
He was a piece of shit who should have never been in charge of cleaning the latrines let alone an entire army. That miserable little cocksucker did more for the Germans than he did for our boys.
10219192
So he was both incompetent AND an asshole?
Ah yes, General George “I slap the PTSD out of my soldiers” Patton
It’s quite well known and it has it’s own WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE