It had been three days since the "German incident" and needless to say, shit was finally moving forwards. After Gause, Bayerlein, and Rommel had been brought back to consciousness after they had accidentally broke into Celestia's room, a very vulgar berating that only Patton could manage to pull off against both celestial sisters followed by a brief explanation of their current situation brought the Germans up to speed. Now everything simply needed to actually be started in order to get reforms rolling out. However, there was one major thing that needed to be sorted out...
Bureaucrats.
Bureaucracy was the bane of every soldier that has lived throughout the ages. The age old enemy that has plagued the armies of nation's gone by and was always present wherever one went. For the US, it was always present in the form of the civilian government who only pulled their heads out of their asses when war got serious, unlike in recent times apparently. For the British and French, it was somewhat the same thing. However, the French do tend to keep their military more than ready than most nations... Not including the US of course. Then there's the Germans... If it ain't the pacifistic politicians and bureaucrats, it is the large companies competing for contracts that fucked them over. The Russians? Well, they are more oligarchs if anything.
But beside the point, bureaucrats were everywhere, even in different dimensions. In the case of Equestria, it is in the form of the main Noble elite all centered in Canterlot. The only thing they could not get their posh, dirty hooves on was the Navy. From what Eisenhower learned, the Navy didn't take any shitty excuse and was by far the best as well as the only true armed forces branch the Equestrians even had.
That was a problem for the "advisors" to fix. The main plan for the day was to essentially confer with the nobles to create a national standing army for the Equestrians with Eisenhower and Rundstedt taking the lead on things. If things went South... Well, the Calvary would simply be called in. That was where Patton would come into play... And that would only be for emergencies.
All that they had to do was simply make it to the meeting.
*** *** ***
Meetings... Of all the things he had to be called to, it had to be some stupid budget review meeting.
Blueblood despised budget management as much as he did stupid lower class civilians. He was a noble, he had no such business dealing with such nonsense. If anything, the management of the national budget should've been left to the lower class ponies for all he cared. To so much as even waste time on such a trivial matter, it made him feel disgusted even more. But then again... Perks did come from the power over the budget.
Contrary to popular belief, Blueblood was not a stupid over-pompous idiot who only cared about his drink and money. He did tend to use his status as Celestia's nephew as well as essential head of the noble council and chief manager of the budget to procure some influence. A recent example would be in terms of limited the Royal Guard's budget and placing his extremely militarily incompetent confidant Mareclellan in charge.
Of course like all things, there was some opposition to such a change, namely from the clan of nobles who revolve around Fancy Pants, but the whole matter was forgotten. So to why the entire nobility in charge of the budget, as well as acting Captain of the Guard Shining Armor, AND the two princesses were in the meeting room was beyond Blueblood's mind.
Suddenly without any warning, a guardspony had opened the door and began to say something.
"Presenting the advisors Eisenhower and Von Rundstedt to the council." Was all the guardspony said before stepping aside to let two bipedal creatures dressed in two very different uniforms came marching in.
*** *** ***
"Assholes... I'm surrounded by assholes." Eisenhower muttered softly under his breath.
"Even us Prussians were never this posh..." Rundstedt replied in his own soft tone.
"Well, let's get this done and over with... I have a feeling Georgie might need to be called in already." Eisenhower mused.
"Well, let's try to make sure that it doesn't have to come to that. Maybe these horses are negotiable." Rundstedt whispered.
"Don't get your hopes high." Was all Eisenhower could give in response as they both moved to take their seats (which were custom made for such an occasion due to the different physical biology between humans and ponies).
*** *** ***
There was something very interesting about seeing two military officers who attained the highest rank within their own armed forces who also happened to be direct enemies on their front line working together and trying to pitch a national army to a bunch of ponies.
But then again... What hadn't been interesting within the time that the humans had been there. Shining had been there to witness their arrival, the best parts and their worst parts... Especially from Patton.
As the two officers began to explain the current situation of the guard to the still generally surprised nobles, it became clear that they were taking a more slow approach to the main event, the formation of a standing army. Eisenhower had let Von Rundstedt handle the technical parts and only explained the things that really needed to be bluntly stated out, much to the chagrin of Blueblood from the look on his face.
The nobles around Fancy Pants though really did seem to actually understand much of the standing issues and just by judging from the looks on their faces, it was clear that they understood where it was going. Blueblood most likely knew it too, as his reaction to the proposition of a standing army was clearly... To put it likely... Full of shit. After that, the debate started...
*** *** ***
"You cannot possibly mean to tell me that you are seriously proposing such a disgusting idea to us and the Princesses! This is ludicrous!" Blueblood spat out in his own pompous and overreacting way.
"Please... Enlighten me on how such a proposal is disgusting Mr Blueblood." Eisenhower asked as he inwardly hoped to not have to call in Patton.
"You realize that Equestria is a nation that does not need such a provocative force. We only wish for eternal harmony within our borders." Blueblood countered.
"I had a feeling this was going to happen..." Was all Eisenhower could mumble under his breath. "Alright then Blueblood, if you are in no such need for an army, then how come your nation is always attacked by beings who seem to possess so much power that they can wipe you all out with a flick of their.... Uh... Whatever you guys have I guess to snap." Eisenhower retorted.
"Why we have the Elements of Harmony." Blueblood said with a "matter of fact" tone in his voice.
"The elements of what?" Von Rundstedt suddenly asked out of the blue. Eisenhower the vaguely remembered that he forgot to tell the Germans about the elements and cursed inwardly.
"I'll tell you later." He said to Rundstedt before turning back to Blueblood and his clan of noble bureaucrats. "Alright then... From the looks of this track record, your elements have hardly even been able to not win a fight conclusively without being somewhat defeated or millions of do-... Bits being done in damage. Are you not concerned about the long term issues that may even effect your economy if this keeps on happening?" Eisenhower asked.
"Why, we have a simple crisis fund for that. If you would look under the budget's..." It was all Blueblood could say before being cut off by a very irate looking Fancy Pants.
"Enough with this Prince Blueblood..." He said with venom within his voice. "You, I, and everyone else know that such a fund is only a front to expand your own business interests whenever major damage is done to the nation while the Elements of Harmony are attempting to solve such a problem."
"Why... I certainly have no idea what you are talking about." Blueblood said obviously (and very stupidly) attempting to feign ignorance while his cronies nodded with him.
"Do not try to cover up the Minotaur shit up with your apparent stupidity. Everypony here knows of the backdoors you all have within the crisis fund for your companies." Fancy Pants continued.
"Excuse me but have I been left in the dark about such changes within the budget? I asked for the report weeks ago!" Shining Armor chirped in, clearly pissed off that he was left in the dark.
"My dear temporary Captain, such matters are not to be decided by you as they are left up to us higher powers. You lack any such clearance to view such sensitive matters. Besides, you carry no power here than what you have within our northern puppet." Blueblood said, glaring at the temporary Captain, who in turn looked like he wanted to strangle anypony he could get his hooves on.
"My dear nephew... You mean to tell me and your dear Aunt that such matters such as the national budget are of no concern to us, your technical superiors within the royal and governmental hierarchy?" Celestia asked, her eyes narrowed while he expression showed some menacing fire brewing within her.
"Auntie... You see... It is well uh..." Was all Blueblood could stutter before Eisenhower and Von Rundstedt had enough. It was clear that every pony in the damn room was about to kill each other so plan B needed to be put into effect.
All it took was a very loud and very Prussian "Achtung!" To get everypony to stop throwing metaphorical knives at each other's throats and pay attention to the two humans in the room.
"Alright... I'm done trying to negotiate as it is clear that you damn horses cannot even negotiate like intelligent beings. I thought this would be easier since you all preach harmony and whatever but clearly... You all are just as bad as Congress. So I suggest you all sit down, and shut your damn snouts before you get yourselves killed!" Eisenhower stated. It somewhat had the effect he desired but a few nobles from both sides relented from following the former President's orders.
"Who are you to order us around you heathen? Do you not know your place within these halls? You are nothing here!" Blueblood spat out.
Suddenly, a bang rang across the room which saw everypony duck down below the large table.
"Guess what fuckface... You aren't gonna be anything if you keep your shit up... You're stuck in here with Old Blood and Guts now." Came the reply. But it didn't come from Eisenhower, if came from Patton who was standing in the doorway, with one of his Ivory revolvers within his hands... Aiming it directly at Blueblood's spot on the table.
50 bits says the floor under Blueblood needs a shovel and a mop to clean it up.
10259930
Did he spill his pride again or did I miss something?
Yes, and yes.
I think you meant Blueblood here didn't you?
Oh Blueblood, as always, any where he goes, there’s someone who wants to do everyone a favor by killing him :) that actually reminds me of a rare insult a saw one time:
“according to the theory of the multiverse, there are always variables, but there are also constants that equally important, the variables can be easily influenced to change, but the constants are incredibly hard to change, things like water being wet, 2 + 2 = 4, people needed oxygen to survive, are excellent examples of constants, and so are you, you being a total pise of shit, an asshole of such astronomical proportion that the multiverse uses your pathetic existence as an anchor for reality because there’s no way in hell you will ever stop being such an asshole, an asshole so big that despite being one of the things that holds the multiverse together, said multiverse will inevitably be in better shape after you die, or more likely, get murder for been a total pice of shit”
Also, can I make a suggestion in regards to Fancy Pants?
Some time ago, someone made a comic or fic (I can’t remember) toying with the idea that fleur de lis (the white mare with pink hair that always follows Fancy Pants) was actually in the royal guard, and that Fancy hired her as his personal bodyguard, however they ended up getting married some time later; you can play with the idea that one of the reasons Fancy wants to see the military in a good state, is because his wife wants to see the military in a good state, even threatening him with forcing him to sleep on the couch if he fails, but also promising some “night fun” if he success, so basically one of Fancy’s motivations is sex in the case of a victory, and no sex in case of a defeat... that might result in him doing some... shall we say “interesting” things in order the get army Equestria needs
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Fuck..... Yes, yes I did.
10260015
Isn't it that Flur De Lis character or whatever?
10259930
100 bits says the conference room will need some repairs.
10259948
Lol. Why not I simply have Patton geld Blueblood.
god i hate those snobby nobles
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Yes, it is. And there is a considerable following on the headcanon that Fleur was a former member of the royal guard hired to be his bodyguard
10260036
I mean it could be, like o say I can’t remember where I saw that, so maybe it was one of the official comics/bock instead of something fan made, still, you had to admit that is an interesting idea
Oh shit Patton pissed.
Blueblood, in charge of the money?
Well, at least he is being stopped before he can pull a Walpole.
What's that, you ask? Look up "South Sea Bubble"
Okay, that was satisfying seeing Blueballs get some comeuppance for his pigheadedness and racism.
Plus the image of Blueballs getting shot at is very pleasant.
Yes blow his balls off
10260217
I love Extra History.
10265508
Extra History has gone down in quality by a shear amount in my own opinion, especially with the whole Nazis in Video Games controversy that those formerly respected now turned idiots had restarted and the backlash that came after it.