The Monday Session
It was 3 days after he was nearly blown up and thrown up against a door and his head still hurt. But that was to be expected when one refused the medical care provided by ponies. It wasn't like he directly did not trust them in terms of health care as their version of health care was extremely better than what was available to him in Germany, but he just simply wanted to stay away from them after the whole debacle. But that was just 3 days ago...
Now, Erwin Rommel found himself whisked away into a realm both he and his father before him were greatly familiar with... The classroom.
To say that he hated the classroom setting was not entirely true. If anything, he loathed having to sit down as one of the students within a classroom... Something that never really left him since his childhood. Granted, the Danzig Academy was better than a regular public education that he had within his native Swabia, but he still preferred to be the teacher rather than being one who was to be taught. It was a trait he never really put behind him.
And it was a trait he would have to put to work once again. The last time he truly taught an entire class was back in the 30s during his time at Dresden, Potsdam, and in Wiener Neustadt. The Dresden venue was nice for the years he taught there... It would've been nicer if it hadn't been for a certain Bavarian by the name of Schörner and his incessant pranks and favor with the school commandant, but it was not all bad. Potsdam was a simple bump up from the Dresden venue with the added benefit of having to deal with more Prussians. But Wiener Neustadt, the military academy for NCOs was truly beautiful. He spent many happy years there before the war saw him and Lucie scramble to hide personal belongings with friends across Germany to keep them safe from the bombings... Which eventually did meet his beautiful Villa sadly. Such a fate was also met by Gause's house as well in late 1942... And it was not pleasant what happened afterwards.
The things that women could argue about were simply crazy... But that was all in the past. He had a job to do... A teaching job to do rather. And with him, the ever trustworthy Gause followed. Bayerlein opted to help Montgomery with some of the major staff office work as that was his profession by trade so it was simply only Guase and Rommel making their way towards the classroom. Well, it wasn't just them. An apparent old colleague of Shining Armor, Sharpened Rapier, was also following them towards the military lecture.
"So... I assume you have some experience with these sorts of things, right?" Rapier asked.
"The last time I had done this was in 1939 but I think they won't be falling asleep on me." Rommel confidently replied.
"Oh really... well, good luck with this group. These boys haven't had a lecture since they got out of the Guard Academy, and the last time such a lecture was held was before Mareclellan was brought in." Rapier stated, grimacing at the memories of the past few days.
"You can trust the Field Marshal to make sure that they shall not fall asleep Lieutenant. If he managed to talk some sense into Sepp Dietrich, I am sure he can handle a class of washed out officers." Gause added in.
"Sepp who?" Rapier asked, puzzled at such a name.
"That is a very long story... but let it be known, he was not the smartest general to ever hold such a rank." Gause said, trying to move the topic away from the SS General who could not read a map.
"Actually, I do believe the Americans had worse. Does the name Daniel Sickles ever come to mind?" Rommel chirped in, remembering the political general that had fought for the Northern American forces during their civil war.
"Mein gott, that man could not match to the great military skill of Himmler himself!" Gause humorously replied, earning a chuckle from Rommel and a strange look from Rapier.
"What the buck are you two talking about?" The puzzled lieutenant asked.
"Oh, just something from a past life..." Rommel said, still chuckling at the thought of Heinrich Himmler leading an army group.
"Well... lets just get this done and over with and talk about our army stories afterwards." The Lieutenant said.
"Alright... but no need to be so hard Lieutenant. Sometimes a sense of humor is needed." Rommel said.
"Pardon me Erwin but sometimes your sense of humor is overshadowed by your other qualities..." Gause pointed out.
"Alright, name one Alfred." Rommel dared.
"Hm... do you remember that time when we were stuck behind enemy lines for an entire night inside of that verdammt bus that the Italians gifted us... or how about your arguments with Marshal Bastico? Better yet, how about when you removed me from command because Lucie..." Gause hit a nerve.
"Alright, alright! You have made your point! But you and I both know that Bombastico had it coming for a very long time... arrogant fool..." Rommel finally snapped out.
"How the Tartarus did you two ever be acquaintances..." Was all Sharpened Rapier could reply as they walked into the room full of annoyed Royal Guard officers who have not sat through a lecture ever since either the academy or never had a lecture ever.
*** *** ***
Staff work... one of the hidden importance's of an army. Most officers who tended to be combat inclined hated army administrators but the smart ones always acknowledged the good that they brought... that is... if they were competent at their job.
Bayerlein was one such competent staff officer and knew who was and who was not a competent officer. And from the looks of it, Mareclellan was nothing short of absolutely shitty. However, his impressions were not entirely sour like those of the original four advisors as the staff office that he walked into was somewhat cleaned up thanks to the work of Montgomery and numerous, extremely tired, competent pony staff officers.
But that all changed as soon as he got to his desk and looked at the first document that was popped onto his desk. Many words went through his mind as he read through it... but the only such words that were even expelled from his mouth were...
"Was zum Teufel?"
Immediately after hearing such words, the Spartan General made himself noticed in front of Bayerlein's desk, seemingly amused at the expression on the extremely puzzled look on the Bavarian's face.
"You seem to be lucky there my friend. Most of us tend to want to strangle the idiot who made such a document when we get one of the weirder ones." Montgomery said, a smile creeping up his face.
"Pardon? What do you mean... weirder ones?" Bayerlein asked.
"Oh, you will see. Good luck now, and don't be afraid to call someone or well... somepony over to help!" Montgomery simply said as he walked back into his office leaving Bayerlein somewhat puzzled and curious as to what was awaiting him in the pile of documents. He could only wonder how the others were fairing at their jobs.
*** *** ***
There were many feelings going through Luna at that point... but the feeling that really stuck out was well... fear.
Fear...
Fear was a feeling she usually never felt as her own self confidence had dimmed such an feeling. Now though... now, such self confidence had all disappeared with the sight of George S Patton bursting through the doors with two... pistols, as they were called, and threatening Blueblood and many other nobles to not move or have their "balls blown off". Eisenhower and Bradley seemed completely normal though as they watched their former subordinate threaten and berate almost every single noble with too many derogatory terms to count.
"I will repeat myself, FOR THE LAST GOD DAMN TIME YOU GOD DAMN PUSSY! SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND LISTEN!" Patton screamed at some random noble who seemed to be on Blueblood's side. She probably would've recognized the noble immediately but the heat of the situation dimmed such recognition.
"You have no authority here and no right to threaten us in such a manner!" One of them yelled.
"Guess what chucklefuck. I wouldn't be here if you all pulled your heads out of your asses and stopped blowing each other off under the table! Your fucking sad excuse of a Royal Guard is a mess! Let alone, even one those shitheads are back in order... you pacifistic bastards won't even be able to defend yourselves against your neighbors!" The four star general stated as he aimed his two pistols around the table at each and every noble.
"We have no need for such a militaristic thing. We have the Elements of Harmony for Celestia's sake. Besides, do you know how the formation of a nationalized armed forces would disrupt the entire economy as a whole to maintain military production?" Another noble asked. The noble seemed pretty confident in his statement but he was a bit too overconfident as Patton always had an answer.
"Really? What will it do eh? Ruin your own monopoly on your current military production contracts and all that other fucking bullshit. Lemme tell you something you fucking jackass, I know how you bureaucrats fucking work. Whenever shit doesn't go your fucking way, you try everything possible to keep your god damn profits. If you actually had some sense of pride for your damn country, you probably would've been on the other side instead of being with fucking Blueballs." Patton stated, silencing the noble.
"Do NOT call me such a name!" Blueblood screamed out, earning a gun pointed to his head.
"Listen here you little shit. I don't give a fuck what I call you because you know why? You... don't... mean... shit... to... me. You are lucky your damn balls haven't been blown off yet." Patton said, fire burning in his eyes.
"You would not dare." Blueblood said, seemingly daring Patton to do such a thing. For a while, there was no movement from either of them as they stared each other down until Patton relented.
"You know what? You're right. I wouldn't dare." Patton said with a sly smirk forming on his face as he lowered the gun and made his behind Blueblood as if he was going to walk passed him. Or well... Blueblood seemed to think that until he was splashed by a liquid that smelled very similar to some sort of fuel.
"Wha... what was that? WHAT DID YOU DUMP ON ME!" Blueblood demanded as everyone and pony looked at Patton and Blueblood in shock.
"Oh, that? Oh, its just a little gasoline." Patton replied, the smirk on his face even wider than before.
"G-g.... GASOLINE?" Blueblood screamed out in shock.
"What, you never heard of good ol' gasoline Blueballs? Or have you?" Patton dryly asked.
"I KNOW WHAT GASOLINE IS YOU CRETIN!" Blueblood screamed out again.
"Okay then fuckface. Now, you know what happens when I drop this then, right?" Patton said, holding up what seemed like a cigarette lighter.
"Don't you dare drop that flame!" Blueblood demanded.
"Oh don't worry Blueballs, I won't ever do such a cruel thing... unless if you don't get behind this national army amendment." Patton replied, dangling the lighter in front of Blueblood's eyes as if they were keys in front of a toddler.
"Never." Was all Blueblood could reply.
"Alright then horseshit... have it your way then. I'll be generous though and give you 10 seconds to change your mind." Patton said as he began to count down from 10.
As soon as he reached 9, Blueblood's spine broke and he gave into the demand.
*** *** ***
To say that the Desert Fox could not tell a story was a lie. Erwin Rommel was a great story teller in terms of war stories and always seemed to grip whoever listened. And such a thing happened as Gause watched from behind as his former superior gripped his pony audience as he recollected a story from his book, Infantry Attacks. Even Sharpened Rapier seemed to be gripped to the story while he was amazed that a Monday lecture session actually became engaging for once.
Feeling that he probably was not going to be able to speak for the next session as the Rommel had essentially stolen the show, Gause excused himself from the room and simply began to tour the palace. It was really a sight to see it in all of its glory without being chased by horses in the middle of the night but as soon as all of its majesty began to show itself, it was immediately lost as he came across a conference hall and witnessed Patton hold some posh looking noblepony hostage at gunpoint with a lighter in his other hand as the pony signed some sort of official document.
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I have Infantry Attacks.
10270127
I have the PDF version.
After this chapter, this story deserves a favorite.
huh. I would have sworn I left a like on this... oh well it is in now.
10270245
Oh God... You just god damn reminded me of this.
https://youtu.be/nOPIu7isD3s
10270243
Danke!
10270191
Haha! Glad you enjoyed it!
How does Blueblood know what gasoline is exactly?
10270746
Saddle Arabia is a thing so yeah Gasoline. That’s the best explanation I could come up with.
10271126
10270746
You are right that it is gonna be from Saddle Arabia but there is gonna be a chapter similar to the oil trade between the US and Saudi Arabia.
FUCK ME I JUST LOST A CHAPTER I WAS WRITING BECAUSE I FORGOT TO SAVE AND CLICKED BACKSPACE
10271218
That makes sense I guess. I was just sitting there trying to imagine why he would know what gasoline was and could only come up with some kind of airship application (i.e., power to weight ratio for ICE being way better than steam, ignoring magical means).
Now I'm thinking about how you'd go about doing magic based fractional distillation.