ʙ ʀ ᴇ ᴀ ᴋ ᴛ ʜ ʀ ᴇ ᴇ
I don’t remember when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, I was not in the clearing no more. I sat up and blinked. I was back in that room, the one from my previous dream, where I met that woman, dark-skinned and all. Those water-blue eyes. That hair that went past her shoulders.
Where did she go?
“You wonder where I have gone, yet you have not truly opened your eyes to see me.”
I blinked again. There she was, sitting at a table in the middle of the room. Above her was some sort of floating candle that shined brightly. It was enough to make the room feel not so dark, something that was very different from last time. In fact, I could see that there were walls now, not a single window in sight.
I slowly walked over and asked if I could sit down. She gave me a nod, which told me all I needed to know. Taking my seat, I got comfortable, scooting myself in just to make sure I wasn’t appearing distant or anything. I don't want her to get the wrong idea.
“Don’t worry, I won’t, Dyson.”
I groaned. “Forgot ya had that mind-readin’ power of yours.”
The woman let out an airy giggle. “Only in dreams, Dyson. But this is nothing compared to what I can do. Still, I am glad to see you again, Dyson. How goes your quest?”
“Still in the Gorge, unfortunately, but we got out of the caverns. So it’s a start.”
“That’s good to hear at least. Progress takes time to nurture. However, that is not why you are dreaming of me, is it?”
“Dreaming of you?”
“Yes,” Luna said with a soft smile. “You summoned me here in your dreams. Your mind called and begged for me to be here. Dare I ask why?”
I sighed. “Not sure why I got ya here, Luna. If I knew, I would tell ya.”
“I think you do know, you just need me to… prod you a bit. As you know, last time you were here with me your mind was of ill-repute.”
I blinked and gulped. She was right. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Ma’am?”
“Sorry, Luna. Just a tad bit nervous all of a sudden.”
Luna’s eyes narrowed, and she leaned forward, her head tilting slightly to the right. “You… your mind. Has it rested?”
I shook my head, the words caught in my throat.
“Nay? Verily?”
“Yes.”
The one word echoed in the room. White noise entered my ear drums and I felt the table shift. It was then, Luna stood up and took a deep breath. “Show me.”
“Show you?”
“Show me your worst,” she said, arching her back as she leaned over. “Dyson, you need to let go.”
“That… that may be more than ya want to know.”
“Why?” Her voice hummed. The room felt hotter as she scooted closer. “Why can’t I see what you see?”
I licked my lips and I scooted away from her. “It is mine. Mine alone. No one else needs bein’ held by this. Only me. Nothin’ but me.”
“And why only you?”
She pressed on, her charcoal skin barely grazing mine. I did not want her this close, and I knew if I pushed her away, she might do something drastic.
Feeling an icy chill race up my spine, I hung my head. “Fine. Are ya goin’ use some magic thing to see what I remember?”
Luna gave me some space and sat down. “Yes. I need to see what ails you so I can help you. It is my duty, even if it makes you weary.”
“Okay,” I said, shaking as I recalled the memory by heart. I saw Luna’s body morph, and a large violet horn poked my forehead. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath—
The sun was just waking up. And so were the people too. They walked along the road while I, in my lonesome, stayed on the other. I did not get any mean looks, save for a couple children telling their moms and pas they saw the tall looking negro. Not that it mattered, they saw many of them before, just not a tall one like me, especially one that was alone. A runaway it looked like, maybe. Most did not care though to uphold the enforcement, but I kept my card on me in my pocket. The right one to be exact. Can not waste it.
Down this stretch of road was where Mr. Stockton’s place was. That is where I wanted to be this morning, not because I actually wanted to. It was because of an errand that I was told to do, not by Master, but by one of his guards. Said he needed to get a shipment or something from Mr. Stockton. The man had nothing to offer other than his money, and he did not care otherwise. I had to be careful here, I had to make sure he knew I was not no runaway.
My hand knocked softly on the door. There, the door opened and he was there.
“Hello, Mr. Stockton.”
“Hello, Dyson.”
“Got ya somethin’ from Mr. Stafford.”
“Stafford? Oh, one of my former guards! Must be a bottle of some kind,” Mr. Stockton took the package from my hands. He set it down on the table. “Look, come on in. You can stay a while, I need to do something before I get you what you came for.”
I nodded and sat down. I was in a small rocking chair. It rocked and rocked and rocked and rocked. Each one squeaked, and squeaked, and squeaked. Sometimes it ain’t. But it does happen most of the time. I found myself waiting for a while, breaking in the seat.
And then I waited some more. Where was the money he was owed? Said he was getting a little sum.
Then, I heard some rustling.
I heard some more. A voice, a couple. One was a girl, the other was Mr. Stockton. They were being rough. A cabinet was forced open. A piece of glass broke. A bottle crashed to the floor. And I heard her crying while there were no words coming from him. I waited as her whimpers died down. Then it was silent.
That silence, I remembered it dearly. I waited for something to happen. And yet nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened.
I had sat down in the living room, y’know? I sat down there and I waited. I sat there while she was waiting. Nothing happened! Nothing happened.
Nothing but the cracking of flesh. Nothing but nothing.
Nothing—
Every, single, pause, reminded, me, that, I, was, a, slave, and, only, a, slave, and, that, was, what, I, deserved, for, forgetting, about, him, when, I, was, worried, about, myself, for, nothing. Nothing, at, all.
After that I took a deep breath and Mr. Stockton walked back into the living room. He brushed himself off and gave me a smile. “Glad that you could come on by. Here, take this for payment. Tell Stafford that he is lucky he isn’t out there on the frontlines. Rascal.”
In my hands was a bag of sorts. Coins jiggled inside. Happy as can be. “I-I will t-tell him that for ya, Mr. Stockton.”
Mr. Stockton paused, briefly looking at me up and down. And then he walked away, waving as he returned to the kitchen.
I walked out, hearing her wailing while the sun grew older.
I opened my eyes. The world around me was once again in that room. The same one that Luna had kept me. Her horn was no longer protruding from her head. She was now the same as me, only she was now opposite of me, not beside me.
“I…”
“Luna?”
She hung her head, and would not look up at me. “I apologize, Dyson. I should not have pressured you into letting me see what you saw.”
It was my turn to step up to her. I got out of my seat and wrapped myself around her. “It was what ya wanted to do and ya only wanted to help me—”
“Yes, but pressuring you was wrong. Besides, I do not think I should ever prod further. Your nightmares are worse than most I have seen.”
“It was not just a nightmare, Luna. That was how it was. I could not do anythin’ to help her and she ended up—”
Luna returned my hug, wrapping her arms around me. “It is not your fault, Dyson. You must understand this in order for you to move on with your quest.”
I shook my head and tried to wiggle from her embrace, but to no avail. I sighed.
“Dyson—”
“I know, I need to. But this is mine to bear. No one else.”
“Then you still have not parted ways with your past, Dyson. You only have buried it deep within yourself to the point that you can cover up the pain. No further action has been taken by you to dispose of that ache.”
“Am I allowed to do that?”
The words had tumbled out of my mouth, but it made Luna tilt her head and hum to herself. “What do you mean by that?”
“Is it somethin’ that I am able to just… let go?”
Luna smirked. “Those are two different questions. Your first irked me, so I shall challenge your hesitation with a question, something that you will need to answer in due time.” She stood up and cleared her throat. “Look around us, Dyson,” she said, throwing her arms out. She twirled in place. “You see where we are? This room is not of mine, but of your mind. A cage of concrete, sworn to your torment. You view yourself as a prison. Let me ask you this: why do you view yourself like this?”
I was about to retort, but I kept my mouth shut. She said to answer later, as it is part of my quest. But I couldn’t help but wonder why I imagine a room without windows. Why am I like this?
I felt my cheeks fall. The corner of the room looked nice.
“Dyson, please, raise your head.”
I looked up at Luna. Her eyes were watering, and her mouth quivering as she spoke, “It is like I am looking at someone like me. Although our paths are very different, we are much alike: you with your life as a slave, while I as a captive on the moon for a thousand years—”
My eyes almost popped out of my head. “A thousand years?”
“Yes. I was put there by my sister and—”
“Remind me not to make your sister mad.”
Luna giggled behind her hand. “It would be in your best interest not to. But I digress, I had done terrible things to her and the ponies around her. My years of loneliness told me that much, but my anger had built up to where I wanted revenge, regardless of the outcome.”
She ushered me forth, her palm waved toward her. I followed suit as we walked out of the room and into another, where the roof was gone and there were stars. She looked up and wrapped her arm around my back. “You see how much company I have now? The stars no longer see a burden, and they shine bright. Let me ask you, when will you let yourself shine? You are no longer restrained by him.”
“I know, and ya told me that last time too. It… It just—”
“Takes time, I know. But I can’t help reminding you that you need to anyway,” Luna said. I rolled my eyes, which sparked her to continue, “You have time still, but I suggest not wasting it. She is waiting for you.”
“She?”
“The one that haunts you. She is waiting. But she is not with you nor does she want your pity—she is just waiting for you to move on.”
My eyes widened. “Even if she no longer can…” The words died in my throat.
“She can see. The question lies with you, Dyson. And the same for the answer.” She sighed. “And I’m glad that it does not end with you. See, like I said, I can relate to you. We are alike. Lashes burn, don’t they?”
“How do you—”
“Know?” I nodded. “Simple. When you are in pain, I am in pain. I do not rest until the weary rest. It is of my essence that I serve those who are in need, and until their pain recedes, I am awake.” Her eyes flashed turquoise as she continued, “If I am unable to serve, what type of pony does that make me?”
“Depends on who is answerin’.”
“Then what do you think of me?”
“Now? Selfless. Caring. Kind.”
Luna chuckled. “None of these bore within me upon my return. They only became… part of me from those around me.” She cupped my cheek. “Care naught of what she would be, lest you believe in ghosts.”
I sucked a deep breath, the icy cold sensation surged through me. “Then I guess I believe in ghosts.”
“Fools tales, they are. But I guess time will tell,” Luna stated with a shrug. She danced on forth and twirled around. She gave me a soft smile. “The pain is mutual though, Dyson. And I hope that when you and I meet for the first time, we shall discuss your place here.”
“Discuss my place?”
“You shall also hear that answer in due time. Now go. Wake up. Get Rainbow Dash out of the Gorge.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said with a proud salute.
That earned her a roll of the eyes. “We shall see each other again, I am sure of it.”
As the world around me crumbled, I wondered if she ever got away from Mr. Stockton. She was a great person. She was never loud, never wrong. She was someone who I wished would have escaped.
But if she’s a ghost, then rest is all she needs.
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Break Three is finally here. Feedback is always appreciated!
And that says so much about him.
It's gonna take a long time for Dyson to finally accept that he's free and no longer a slave. The dehumanization done by American slavery was a horror show whose scars are still felt today. Though it's nice to see that Dyson is slowly coming to accept the concept of consent which as a slave he did not have.
The way trauma effects each and every person is different, it is good that Luna was able to show Dyson that she understood his struggles, without saying their experience was identical.
The feelings of nothingness linger for a long, long time.
I hope Dyson will be able to finally move past his ghost, and accept himself fully.
This is ultimately the greatest horror of slavery: reducing a human being to nothing more than an automaton who can't think for himself.
It's sad to see poor Dyson struggling with being his own man, but thankfully he has a pony princess to help him.
I really feel like the author is speaking to us with this one...
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Nigeria
Soaring doing research for A Slave's Freedom be like,
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I think this remains one of the truly subversive HiEs on the site. I can't wait to see more -- Dyson deserves all the pony help in the world and more.
11871489
Would you believe me that I finally un-mindblocked myself on this fic?