Hoodwinked: The Pony Edition

by Lighttone GryphonStar

Granny POV (2/3): Giant Horder

I need to be a bit blunt for this next part. I was told we were here for only a few minor things and that was it. Afterward, it would be a date under the moonlight. But first, we had some diamonds to steal. Hidden in the high mountains, in a place of which I will not give exact location under my fifth amendment rights, there stood the greatest diamond vault in pony history. Long ago, it was owned by an ancient goat, who I recently heard got cursed with a singing spell, but now it was owned by the Federal Unicorn Commission.

At least it would be for only a few more hours longer. Ahuizotl knew I was getting deep into my old age and wanted to surprise me with the biggest score ever! We were going to plunder every single diamond out of there and transfer them in my many cat litter boxes. However, it would be quite dangerous as the place was guarded be a mass of black op pegasus soldiers and Luna's finest Shadowbolt batponies.

I could not count how many there were. They all had a look of seriousness and rage, ready to rip us all apart. However, my beloved Ahuizotl had an inside pony, or rather a tiny filly, named Lil Cheese. A small little, fourth wall-breaking child who would be really useful in getting into the giant safe without being detected. I got along with her well. She reminded me a bit of a mare I knew, trapped in the body of a filly.

"So did you bring the goods?" Lil Cheese asked Ahuizotl.

"An azoth dagger, ripped out of the heartless corpse of a wendigo." He presented it to the little filly.

Lil Cheese snatched it up and stabbed it into a wheel of cheese, where it vanished without a trace. "Yes! He said you could get this for him." She looked at the group, alongside me and Ahuizotl, there were three others; Birch Bucket, Lavender Essence, and Parcel Post. I knew very little about either of them but trusted Ahuizotl above all else.

"Now about our way inside?!" Ahuizotl leaned down to the filly's height. "You really can't expect to use that magical cheese wheel on all of us."

"No, it's travel is very narrow. Designed for me and others my size." Lil Cheese deadpanned. "Instead, I will need to break the fourth wall."

"What?!" We watched in utter confusion as Lil Cheese's hoof reached beyond our sight. Everything around us moved to one side and suddenly we were inside the vault. Around us was the most impressive hoard of diamonds I had ever seen. It felt too big an amount to fit inside the room. As if the building was far bigger on the inside.

"Okay, now that was something!" Lanvender cheered, being the only one to have a positive reaction to this.

"Where are we?" Birch asked, taking her time to look at the beautiful stones.

"It's crazy!! I like bells too!!" Parcel screamed abruptly at the top of his lungs. All of us were completely caught off guard by his loud and shaking actions. Plus, there were no bells in the safe at all, we thought it was rather strange. Luckily, the walls of the safe were soundproof so nopony outside heard him. I slapped Ahuizotl on the shoulder for bringing such a disarranged soul on this mission.

"Not my choice. The boss's orders." Ahuizotl hissed at me. "Something about him being a bell detector."

"Since when do you take orders?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Since I was paid very well for it." Ahuizotl pointed the way through the maze of gems as his allies filled my cat litter boxes. "Now let's make this a race." That got my spirit back up. We traveled through the mass of diamonds in a swift motion, filling up each box to full capacity.

Soon enough my phone rang twice, and I answered in tired distress, "What? Who's there?!" I didn't mean to make my voice sound so offputting, but my old age was causing me to fall behind.

"It's me, Babs Seed. I'm delivering your cat food today."

"Oh wow, that's expensive!" I shouted back at the diamonds, unable to hear myself as Parcel Post continued to shout random nonsense behind me.

"What are you talking about?" She replied back.

"You won't beat me Ahuiz--" I raced behind Ahuizotl to fill up my box as fast as possible.

"What did you say?" Babs Seed sounded like she was in a lot of distress herself. I wanted to be concerned, but my competitive side overtook my reason for caring. "Granny, Answer me?!" I ignored her voice.

"Got to go little mare?! Lil--" I hung up the phone and jumped over Lil Cheese to slam my box shut, standing proud as the victor. It was tiresome, but fun. I thought we were almost finished until I turned back around and saw that we barely made a dent in the massive amount.

******

"Hold on, Lil Cheese was in there with you!" Captain Braeburn interrupted, getting right in her face.

"Yes, I already said that she was our way in." Golden Delicious pushed him aside and drank her tea as she was now out of breath. Talking to them about anything seemed to leave her tired. They didn't know if it was her old age or all part of her act.

"But how could she be on the airship with Babs Seed, and with you in the vault at the same time." Luster Dawn pressed.

"Bells, interesting..." Blueblood's only comment during the second chunk of her story. He knew there was a detail that Golden Delicious was holding back on. He just didn't know what yet. What the stallion did know was these details had the biggest reveals all day. He decided to press the matter by pouring more tea for the old mare. "Please continue."

Author's Note:

Yeah, this chapter was planned to be the ending of Granny section, but the full story section went on too long to also include the present sections, so I decided to cut it in half.

Yes, the dagger is a reference to my other series, Journey To Hearth's Warming. No, these two stories aren't canon to each other, I just thought it would be fun, since in that story the dagger's name is also a reference to something else from another fandom.